10 Real Sea Creatures Lifted Directly from Your Nightmares\r
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Any fan of this site knows that the core of our mission statement is Nature is terrifying and you should only leave the house if its an emergency. But in the course of our relentless examination of horrifying insects and vicious predators, we have to say that consistently all of them pale in comparison to the stuff that lives in the water. The ocean is the earths last frontier, and just as we always suspected, its full of sea monsters. Like .\r
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#10. The Fish That Looks Like the Predator\r
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Well, it has the Predators mouth, anyway. In some ways, the sarcastic fringehead (yes, thats its ual name) is more horrifying, because before it opens its mouth, it just looks like a regular fish with old geezer jowls .\r
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If reincarnation is real, this is what Nixons coming back as.\r
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. before its entire face opens up into a gaping sprawl of predatory terror. Sarcastic fringeheads are incredibly territorial, by the way, and they use their enormous jaws to battle each other in a ritual that looks like two parachutes trying to make out:\r
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And no, we dont know why they are called that. They dont look very sarcastic to us, but their name makes them seem less frightening and a lot more douchey.\r
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Discovery\r
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No, dude, totally, eat all my fries, I didnt pay for them or anything.\r
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#9. The Venus Flytrap of the Sea\r
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They look like something youd find in a meteor imp crater, but really, predatory tunicates are a kind of sea squirt that live in deep-sea canyons off California. What sets them apart from their placid sea squirt cousins is that the predatory tunicate is like an underwater Venus flytrap -- it sits there, rooted in place, waiting for some unwitting prey to pass close to its gaping, incandescent mouth, and then snatches it up. With that kind of diet, they cant afford to be very picky.\r
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Zooplankton, again?\r
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In addition to looking like aliens from a SyFyabout creatures that bite the dicks off passing swimmers, the tunicates can havewith themselves if they cant find another to mate with. Which is helpful since, you know, theyre stuck to the ground. What else are you going to do to fight the boredom?\r
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#8. The Fish That Kills from Below\r
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That monstrosity is called a northern stargazer. OK, whose goddamned idea was it to call it that? The word stargazer brings to mind some wispy fish with bright hippie colors and big cartoon eyes; this looks like the mud has spontaneously grown a face. Well, you know who else gazes up at the stars? The devil, from his throne in hell, apparently.\r
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The northern stargazer is ually a kind of fish, if you can believe that. Most of it exists under the mud, so you can normally only see the horrible bits.\r
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The northern stargazer has its eyes and mouth on top of its head due to its feeding strategy -- when it feels like a snack, it buries itself in the dirt in as little as four seconds flat, becoming nothing but a grimacing skull-face in the mud. When something tasty swims by overhead, the last thing it ever sees is something out of Jim Hensons nightmares.\r
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Wait, did we say that last thing looked like a monster from a SyFyabout a creature that bites the dicks off passing swimmers? Because we clearly spoke too soon. Look at the expression on that things face! It wants to eat your junk!\r
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As if that wasnt bad enough, they apparently have organs above their eyes that can emit electrical shocks. Thanks, Nature!\r
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#7. The Shark That Looks Like a Throw Rug\r
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OK, what are we looking at here? Is that a plant? Whatever it is, its coming unraveled around the edges.\r
\r
That is the carpet shark, which also goes by the ridiculous name of tasseled wobbegong. It obviously gets its name from the f that it looks like a throw rug, except that its a throw rug full of jagged teeth that will eat the shit out of you. Its like a welcome mat for the ocean that also hates you. Heres one thats in the process of swallowing another shark whole, face-first:
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Any fan of this site knows that the core of our mission statement is Nature is terrifying and you should only leave the house if its an emergency. But in the course of our relentless examination of horrifying insects and vicious predators, we have to say that consistently all of them pale in comparison to the stuff that lives in the water. The ocean is the earths last frontier, and just as we always suspected, its full of sea monsters. Like .\r
\r
#10. The Fish That Looks Like the Predator\r
\r
Well, it has the Predators mouth, anyway. In some ways, the sarcastic fringehead (yes, thats its ual name) is more horrifying, because before it opens its mouth, it just looks like a regular fish with old geezer jowls .\r
\r
If reincarnation is real, this is what Nixons coming back as.\r
\r
. before its entire face opens up into a gaping sprawl of predatory terror. Sarcastic fringeheads are incredibly territorial, by the way, and they use their enormous jaws to battle each other in a ritual that looks like two parachutes trying to make out:\r
\r
And no, we dont know why they are called that. They dont look very sarcastic to us, but their name makes them seem less frightening and a lot more douchey.\r
\r
Discovery\r
\r
No, dude, totally, eat all my fries, I didnt pay for them or anything.\r
\r
#9. The Venus Flytrap of the Sea\r
\r
They look like something youd find in a meteor imp crater, but really, predatory tunicates are a kind of sea squirt that live in deep-sea canyons off California. What sets them apart from their placid sea squirt cousins is that the predatory tunicate is like an underwater Venus flytrap -- it sits there, rooted in place, waiting for some unwitting prey to pass close to its gaping, incandescent mouth, and then snatches it up. With that kind of diet, they cant afford to be very picky.\r
\r
Zooplankton, again?\r
\r
In addition to looking like aliens from a SyFyabout creatures that bite the dicks off passing swimmers, the tunicates can havewith themselves if they cant find another to mate with. Which is helpful since, you know, theyre stuck to the ground. What else are you going to do to fight the boredom?\r
\r
#8. The Fish That Kills from Below\r
\r
That monstrosity is called a northern stargazer. OK, whose goddamned idea was it to call it that? The word stargazer brings to mind some wispy fish with bright hippie colors and big cartoon eyes; this looks like the mud has spontaneously grown a face. Well, you know who else gazes up at the stars? The devil, from his throne in hell, apparently.\r
\r
The northern stargazer is ually a kind of fish, if you can believe that. Most of it exists under the mud, so you can normally only see the horrible bits.\r
\r
The northern stargazer has its eyes and mouth on top of its head due to its feeding strategy -- when it feels like a snack, it buries itself in the dirt in as little as four seconds flat, becoming nothing but a grimacing skull-face in the mud. When something tasty swims by overhead, the last thing it ever sees is something out of Jim Hensons nightmares.\r
\r
Wait, did we say that last thing looked like a monster from a SyFyabout a creature that bites the dicks off passing swimmers? Because we clearly spoke too soon. Look at the expression on that things face! It wants to eat your junk!\r
\r
As if that wasnt bad enough, they apparently have organs above their eyes that can emit electrical shocks. Thanks, Nature!\r
\r
#7. The Shark That Looks Like a Throw Rug\r
\r
OK, what are we looking at here? Is that a plant? Whatever it is, its coming unraveled around the edges.\r
\r
That is the carpet shark, which also goes by the ridiculous name of tasseled wobbegong. It obviously gets its name from the f that it looks like a throw rug, except that its a throw rug full of jagged teeth that will eat the shit out of you. Its like a welcome mat for the ocean that also hates you. Heres one thats in the process of swallowing another shark whole, face-first:
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