Not Rated | 1h 25min | Comedy, Romance | 15 July 2010 (USA)
A fish-out-of-water comedy about a conservative Southern mom who discovers that her only son is gay. Determined that he won't go through life alone, she sets out to find him a husband.
Director: Keith Hartman
Writer: Keith Hartman
Stars: Joanne McGee, Carol Goans, Stewart Carrico
A fish-out-of-water comedy about a conservative Southern mom who discovers that her only son is gay. Determined that he won't go through life alone, she sets out to find him a husband.
Director: Keith Hartman
Writer: Keith Hartman
Stars: Joanne McGee, Carol Goans, Stewart Carrico
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00No, exactly.
00:00:01No one.
00:00:02Yes.
00:00:03Yes.
00:00:04Are you happy?
00:00:05No, I'm not happy.
00:00:06I want more.
00:00:07All right.
00:00:08Come on.
00:00:09No more.
00:00:10Come on.
00:00:11Okay.
00:00:12No more.
00:00:13Come on.
00:00:14Okay.
00:00:15Okay.
00:00:16Okay.
00:00:17Okay.
00:00:18Okay.
00:00:19Okay.
00:00:20Okay.
00:00:21Okay.
00:00:22Okay.
00:00:23Okay.
00:00:24Okay.
00:00:25Okay.
00:00:26Okay.
00:00:27Okay.
00:00:28Okay.
00:00:30Okay.
00:00:31All right.
00:00:32Now get your game face on.
00:00:33You're going to have to tell her sooner or later, Brian.
00:00:36And I will.
00:00:37Just as soon as I learn CPR.
00:00:39Do you really think she's going to have a hard time?
00:00:41Yeah, I do.
00:00:42Brian!
00:00:43How's my favorite boy?
00:00:44Hi, Mom.
00:00:45Dean, it's good to see you.
00:00:46Hey.
00:00:47Here you are.
00:00:48Oh, I always say my son has the nicest room.
00:00:52Where's this one from?
00:00:53It's a Portuguese red.
00:00:55Oh, I can't wait to try.
00:00:57I bought you a little something.
00:00:59Oh, Brian, you shouldn't have.
00:01:02It's not my birthday.
00:01:04Oh, it's...
00:01:06Oh, it's...
00:01:07Okay, what is it?
00:01:09Mom, it's a washer to fix that drip under the sink.
00:01:11Oh, you.
00:01:13He gets that from his father, you know?
00:01:15Yeah, so I'm heard.
00:01:17Oh, I hope you boys have an appetite.
00:01:20Rose and I made our favorite pork chop.
00:01:22They smell delicious.
00:01:24Wow, Aunt Rose, you look well.
00:01:26Mm-mm.
00:01:27Rose, you're looking fine.
00:01:29You been working out?
00:01:31Oh.
00:01:35Here you go.
00:01:37Oh.
00:01:38Um...
00:01:40May?
00:01:41What?
00:01:42Mom, do you know that your hair is...
00:01:44Oh, yes.
00:01:46Look at it.
00:01:48It's his new hair stylist.
00:01:50That girl can't seem to do anything right.
00:01:53What happened to the old one?
00:01:54Oh, you mean Monsieur Felix.
00:01:56Well, that is quite the scandal.
00:02:00Not really fit for polite company.
00:02:02But you can tell us.
00:02:05Well, I was having lunch the other day
00:02:09with Mrs. Johnston from the Daughters of the Confederacy,
00:02:12and she has it on very good authority
00:02:15that Monsieur Felix is...
00:02:19You know.
00:02:21He's, you know.
00:02:23No.
00:02:24Yes.
00:02:25A gay hairdresser.
00:02:26I know.
00:02:27What's this world coming to?
00:02:29So, Mom, you stopped seeing Felix because he's, you know.
00:02:32Well, what would you expect me to do?
00:02:35I can't very well have him touching my hair
00:02:38after his hands have been...
00:02:40Lord knows where his hands have been.
00:02:43Oh, I'll get it.
00:02:45Now, who could that be?
00:02:48Hello.
00:02:49It's good to see you again.
00:02:51Come on in.
00:02:54Brian, this is Charlotte.
00:02:57She's a lovely girl we met at the market.
00:03:01There you go.
00:03:03Charlotte, this is my single son, Brian.
00:03:07And that's his roommate, Dennis.
00:04:21What?
00:04:33Hi.
00:04:35Hi.
00:04:37Oh, Brian!
00:04:39I thought I heard the door.
00:04:42Well, this is Suzanne.
00:04:44She's the niece of my dentist, Dr. Peterson.
00:04:47Suzanne, this is my single son, Brian.
00:04:50Oh my, you look terrible, what's wrong?
00:04:55It's nothing mom, it's just allergies, I'll be fine.
00:04:58Okay, where's Dennis?
00:05:01Uh, Dennis decided to get his own place.
00:05:06Oh, did he finally find a nice girl?
00:05:10Not exactly.
00:05:11Oh, well you tell him not to be a stranger, he is always welcome at my table.
00:05:19Well, Rose and I have to finish up a few things in the kitchen, why don't you two talk a little?
00:05:29So, your mom do this a lot?
00:05:32Yeah, yours?
00:05:34Oh, every Sunday. Most of the guys she brings home are dogs though.
00:05:37Really?
00:05:38Oh yeah, if a guy's not married by the time he's 30, there's a reason.
00:05:44You're a nice surprise though.
00:05:47Works wise at least.
00:05:49I like your hair, how do you get it to do that?
00:05:52Do what?
00:05:53Well, it's up in the middle, but then kind of out.
00:05:57It is gel.
00:05:58It's cute.
00:05:59Suzanne's a lawyer, did she tell you that?
00:06:02Yeah mom, we were just discussing it.
00:06:05So what's your dirty little secret?
00:06:06Excuse me?
00:06:07The reason you're not married yet.
00:06:09Axe murderer, compulsive neat freak.
00:06:13Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, are you a Trekkie?
00:06:16Uh, no, um, it's uh, well it's complicated.
00:06:23Okay.
00:06:24Did Brian mention that he's a teacher?
00:06:27Yes Miss Davis, he was just telling me all about it.
00:06:30Oh.
00:06:31You know what, I really like that top on you, it's cute.
00:06:35Oh yeah, you do?
00:06:38Mm-hmm.
00:06:39So, you uh, want to see my tits?
00:06:45Yes, I figured that was it.
00:06:47No, listen.
00:06:48Did you two have a nice chat?
00:06:50I'm sure you had so much in common.
00:06:52Oh yes, there's at least one thing we both like.
00:06:55Oh, that's nice.
00:06:57We're going to start with some salad, so if you just take some, let me pass it on to you.
00:07:02Brian, hey.
00:07:06So, Brian, how long have you been out?
00:07:11Out here in the suburbs?
00:07:13Oh no, Brian doesn't live out here.
00:07:15Oh no, he has a lovely old house in the city, very spacious.
00:07:20He restored it himself.
00:07:22Well now, Dennis hailed.
00:07:25Oh yes, Dennis, so was he your-
00:07:28Friend, yeah.
00:07:29Your good friend?
00:07:30Yes.
00:07:31Your really good friend?
00:07:32My extra special bestest bud, and gee, why don't you tell my mom all about that court case you're working on?
00:07:37Oh, nobody wants to hear about tax law.
00:07:40No, really, it's fascinating. Please, enlighten us.
00:07:43So why did Dennis move out?
00:07:49He said he was tired of the furniture.
00:07:52Well, you have such nice things.
00:07:55You know, a lot of times men don't appreciate the furniture they have until they lose it.
00:08:00Yeah, so, tax law.
00:08:03So how long were you two roommateing?
00:08:05Five years, and can we move off the subject now?
00:08:07You need to talk about it, it's therapeutic.
00:08:09It's annoying.
00:08:10It's entertaining.
00:08:11Okay.
00:08:13Yeah, it's like they have their own little language.
00:08:16Okay, look, just tell me this, was it because he wasn't sleeping well in the house?
00:08:21He was sleeping just fine, thank you.
00:08:23Maybe the mattress was lumpy.
00:08:24The mattress goes to the gym three times a week.
00:08:27Look, I wasn't belittling your mattress, I'm just saying, maybe you could try changing the sheets.
00:08:32I have a nice variety of sheets, that's not the problem.
00:08:34What if the two of you went out and bought a nice end table together?
00:08:37Call me old-fashioned, but I don't like to share my furniture.
00:08:40I'm just saying, I knew a couple of guys in New York who were very happy with a non-traditional floor plan.
00:08:46No offense, but I don't need the decorating tips.
00:08:49I was just trying to be helpful.
00:08:52Who would like some butter?
00:08:58Well, thank you so much for coming, I hope you enjoyed yourself.
00:09:03Oh, yes, I just had a gay old time.
00:09:07Well, maybe the two of you would like to trade numbers.
00:09:09You never know when you might want to talk again, maybe grab a coffee.
00:09:13You know what, Brian, you and I should go dancing.
00:09:15I bet you know some great clubs.
00:09:17Yep, Mom, we gotta go.
00:09:19Oh, all right.
00:09:21Thank you, it was nice talking to you.
00:09:23See you again.
00:09:24See you again.
00:09:25Oh, yeah, bye.
00:09:31It's time, they are getting married for sure.
00:09:34I can't wait to have some little grandnieces and nephews.
00:09:36Shh, they're still out there.
00:09:41Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
00:09:43I'll bring my cousin.
00:09:44Tony, he's looking for a roommate, too.
00:09:46And he plays rugby.
00:09:48Thanks, but I think I'm going to be out of the roommate market for a little while.
00:09:53Okay, fine.
00:09:55Call you tomorrow and check on you?
00:09:57Bye.
00:10:02Dammit, where are all the cute ones, Gay?
00:10:08She thinks you're hurt.
00:10:10Why would she think that?
00:10:12Well, he does dress awful nice.
00:10:15Oh, maybe, but...
00:10:17And he was living with a man.
00:10:19In a house they restored themselves with all those really nice antiques.
00:10:24And a cappuccino maker.
00:10:26And all those pictures of Michelangelo's David all over the shower curtain.
00:10:31Oh, I can see how she might get the wrong idea.
00:10:34Oh, girl, what are we going to do?
00:10:35No, no, no, this is terrible.
00:10:37You're never going to marry him if she thinks he's, you know...
00:10:40Oh, wait.
00:10:43I know just what we need.
00:10:47Rose?
00:10:49Rose?
00:10:50Rose!
00:10:54Rose!
00:10:57Rose, what are you doing?
00:11:01Glamour magazine?
00:11:03You always made fun of me for keeping the back issues.
00:11:07July 1991.
00:11:15How to tell if your boyfriend is gay.
00:11:20Oh, it's a little quiz.
00:11:22Yeah, so we can fill it in and we'll show her that Brian isn't gay.
00:11:26That's very clever of you, Rose.
00:11:31Okay.
00:11:33Question number one.
00:11:35Does he watch sports?
00:11:36Of course he watches sports.
00:11:38He never misses the Olympics.
00:11:40Note that men's gymnastics doesn't count.
00:11:44There be a no then.
00:11:45Does he have a subscription to men's fitness?
00:11:48Yes, but only for the articles.
00:11:53Does he have any pictures of Michelangelo's David in his house?
00:11:57Now you are just making that one up.
00:12:06Oh.
00:12:10You want me to finish this?
00:12:12I might be pissed.
00:12:13Okay.
00:12:16Okay.
00:12:18No, no, yes, sometimes.
00:12:22None.
00:12:23Thirsty.
00:12:25Wonder Woman.
00:12:27And speed up.
00:12:28Okay.
00:12:291, 2, 8, 10, 25, 37, 38, 42 points.
00:12:34So?
00:12:36Oh, dear.
00:12:38Well, you must have added it up wrong.
00:12:46Oh, no.
00:12:49Oh, no.
00:12:51No.
00:12:53No, I don't believe it.
00:12:56I won't believe it.
00:13:00You don't believe it, do you, Rose?
00:13:07It's Glamour Magazine.
00:13:10They know this stuff.
00:13:21Where did I go wrong?
00:13:23What did I do?
00:13:25Oh, May, you didn't do anything.
00:13:28Maybe I shouldn't have let him join the Cub Scouts,
00:13:31because, you know, all those boys alone in the woods, anything can happen.
00:13:35Oh, May, okay.
00:13:37Maybe I shouldn't have let him watch the Wizard of Oz,
00:13:40because, you know, that scarecrow was very likable.
00:13:45Oh, that Judy Garland.
00:13:47Oh, May, that can't be right.
00:13:50Was it, um, I took him to see the Nutcracker at Christmas?
00:13:56What was I thinking, taking a boy to a ballet?
00:14:00Oh, May, it's not your fault.
00:14:04Although you did let him watch an awful lot of Madonna videos, didn't you?
00:14:08Oh, no wonder he's gay, Rose.
00:14:11I'm the worst mother in the world.
00:14:13Now, you are not a bad mother.
00:14:15You're a great mother.
00:14:16You know it.
00:14:17Then why is my only son a homosexual?
00:14:21How did I fail him?
00:14:23Oh, you didn't fail him.
00:14:27I'm never gonna have grandkids, Rose.
00:14:31Never.
00:14:33He's...
00:14:34Brian...
00:14:36What about Brian?
00:14:37He's never gonna have a wife.
00:14:38He's never gonna have a family.
00:14:40He's gonna be all alone in that great big house.
00:14:43Oh, May.
00:14:46Maybe they can help him here.
00:14:52Ladies.
00:14:54The Reverend will see you now.
00:15:03Well, you've come to the right place.
00:15:05Here at Gay Be Gone, we can knock the gay clean out of them.
00:15:08With Christ's love and mercy, of course.
00:15:10We're just so worried about him.
00:15:12Do you really think he can fix you?
00:15:14Let me show you how our program works.
00:15:16We begin by teaching our new recruits proper masculine behavior.
00:15:20Check out the tits on that chick.
00:15:22Check out the tits on that chick.
00:15:25Woman, bring me a beer.
00:15:27Woman, bring me a sour apple martini.
00:15:33And then they practice in a more realistic heterosexual environment.
00:15:40Shake your money maker.
00:15:42Baby, take it off.
00:15:44I really want to fuck her.
00:15:46And then go play some football and then fuck her again.
00:15:51Oh, my.
00:15:52Impressive, huh?
00:15:54Reverend, I don't mean to question your methods,
00:15:57but I don't believe I want my son behaving like that.
00:16:01Lady, do you want a plait little wussy mama's boy,
00:16:03or do you want a macho stud who's pumping out your grandkids?
00:16:06I guess so.
00:16:09Of course you do.
00:16:11And to make sure the message sticks,
00:16:13we give them a short course of aversion therapy.
00:16:18See, every time Eric here sees a homoerotic image on the screen,
00:16:22he gets a gentle electric shock through a wire connected to his testicles.
00:16:27It's sort of like hitting a puppet with a rolled-up newspaper.
00:16:30This will rewire his brain to start accepting more heterosexual ideas.
00:16:36And in so doing, we have cured him
00:16:39in a manner consistent with the teachings of Jesus Christ.
00:16:49Well, it was certainly educational.
00:16:53I guess.
00:16:56Oh, what are you going to do now?
00:16:59I don't know, Rose.
00:17:02I wanted to be happy, but I...
00:17:06Oh, look at him.
00:17:09He's so handsome.
00:17:12Oh, be careful!
00:17:18He's so good looking.
00:17:21I know, he's such a good looking.
00:17:24Oh.
00:17:32Oh.
00:17:57Hi there.
00:17:59I just came by to finish the garage.
00:18:01I hope you like white.
00:18:03It's supposed to last for something like 50 years,
00:18:05or some kind of graphite.
00:18:07Are you happy?
00:18:09What?
00:18:10It's just that you are usually smiling all the time.
00:18:15And this past week, it's...
00:18:19It's something...
00:18:23Oh.
00:18:30It's nothing.
00:18:33I mean, look at me now, I'm smiling.
00:18:37I'm fine.
00:18:41You know, I would do anything to make you happy.
00:18:47I know.
00:18:50I know.
00:18:53Look, I'm going to go finish that garage.
00:19:03You know something, Meg?
00:19:06I don't care if he is a hero.
00:19:11I like Brian just the way he is.
00:19:14You know what, Rose?
00:19:17So do I.
00:19:20God, I'm so relieved.
00:19:22Even if I never have grandkids,
00:19:25there is not a single thing that I would change about that man.
00:19:28Me neither.
00:19:30What am I going to do, Rose?
00:19:32I can't stand the thought of my baby boy going through life alone and unhappy.
00:19:38Well, he always seemed to be happy when Dennis was around.
00:19:41Rose, what are you suggesting? I can't...
00:19:44Well, I'm not suggesting anything.
00:19:46I'm just saying that maybe that's why he always had that big old goofy grin on his face.
00:19:50You know what I mean?
00:19:52Oh, my God.
00:19:54Oh, I just got a picture in my head of Brian and Dennis together.
00:20:02Which one do you think?
00:20:05What?
00:20:08Oh, well...
00:20:11Well, you know when Brian was toilet training and how he always...
00:20:14Oh, I don't want to know.
00:20:16Well, what are you going to do?
00:20:19Well, all a thing a good mother can do.
00:20:31There you are.
00:20:33Me?
00:20:34Well, I just thought you might need a little help with the movies, all.
00:20:40Hey, May, where do you want this?
00:20:42In the kitchen.
00:20:44So, May, how you been?
00:20:48A little trouble with my hip, nothing to complain about.
00:20:51And you?
00:20:52I'm fine.
00:20:54That's nice.
00:20:56By the way, when were you going to tell me that you had been sodomizing my son?
00:21:01Pardon?
00:21:02Oh, is that not the right word?
00:21:05Well, what I mean is when you were...
00:21:07I know what you meant, May.
00:21:10You have been eating at my table for five years and you couldn't even drop me a hint?
00:21:15Brian was just waiting for the right time.
00:21:17Dennis, listen to me.
00:21:18Couples fight.
00:21:19It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
00:21:21The two of you should talk.
00:21:23It's not right for men to live by themselves.
00:21:25It says so in the Bible.
00:21:27Now, I must admit, I had to get past all that stuff in Leviticus about the two of you being unspeakable abominations.
00:21:35This is a lovely part in Genesis where it talks about how men should not live alone, how they should have a companion, a helpmate.
00:21:45Now, I admit, you are not exactly what I was expecting in a daughter-in-law, but you do make my son happy.
00:21:55And Lord knows I can be flexible.
00:21:58May.
00:21:59Of course, we're going to have to think of something to tell the neighbors.
00:22:01May.
00:22:02And I do not want to hear the two of you yammering on about how great your sex life is.
00:22:08May.
00:22:09If it's all the same to you, I'm just going to go back to pretending you are Brian's roommate.
00:22:12May, no.
00:22:13Oh, I can do it.
00:22:14I am very good at denial.
00:22:16Now, I want you to take these cups and...
00:22:21He's...
00:22:24Now, May.
00:22:25You're...
00:22:26May.
00:22:27You blessed my wonderful son, Brian, for this bleached blonde home wrecker?
00:22:35No offense, I'm sure you're a very nice person.
00:22:39It's complicated, May.
00:22:41Complicated?
00:22:42No, Dennis, it's simple.
00:22:44You, sir, are a scoundrel.
00:22:47And you know what?
00:22:48My son deserves better.
00:22:50You are not worthy of a man as good as my Brian.
00:22:55I tell you, Rose, that boy's headed seeing more bleach than a laundry room.
00:23:00Oh, poor Brian.
00:23:02Poor Brian?
00:23:04Poor Dennis.
00:23:05He was lucky to have a man as good as my Brian.
00:23:08Someday he's going to realize that.
00:23:11Well, at least you tried.
00:23:14No, I'm not done yet.
00:23:16But I thought you said Dennis wasn't interested.
00:23:18Dennis Schminis.
00:23:20I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would be thrilled to marry a man like Bryce.
00:23:24Yeah, but...
00:23:25My son is a good person.
00:23:27He deserves to be happy.
00:23:28Yeah, but, May, we don't know any gay men.
00:23:33Not yet.
00:23:34May, what did you do?
00:23:39Oh!
00:23:40Hi.
00:23:41I have a delivery here for May Davis.
00:23:43What a nice surprise.
00:23:45And so completely unexpected.
00:23:48Would you mind carrying those into the kitchen for me?
00:23:51Uh, sure.
00:23:53Right this way.
00:23:57Hey, you didn't!
00:24:02Uh, where would you like...
00:24:03Oh, right over there would be perfect.
00:24:05Thank you so much.
00:24:07What's your name?
00:24:09I'm Tim.
00:24:10Hello, Tim.
00:24:11I'm May.
00:24:12This is my sister, Rose.
00:24:15Nice to meet you.
00:24:16You ladies have a beautiful home.
00:24:18That is so nice of you to notice.
00:24:21You know what I'm going to get you?
00:24:23A glass of iced tea.
00:24:24Oh, no, that's really...
00:24:25Oh, no, it is such a hot day out.
00:24:28No, I insist.
00:24:30It is important to stay hydrated.
00:24:36So, you like being a florist, Tim?
00:24:39Is it a good living?
00:24:41Actually, I'm not a florist.
00:24:43I just deliver the flowers.
00:24:45Oh.
00:24:46It helps pay for school.
00:24:48School?
00:24:49That wouldn't be medical school by any chance.
00:24:52Of sorts.
00:24:53I'm studying acupuncture.
00:24:55What?
00:24:56It's a Chinese method.
00:24:57You relieve pain by inserting needles into pressure points.
00:25:01Really?
00:25:02Is that a good living?
00:25:04Uh, it can be.
00:25:06How nice for you.
00:25:08Then you must be a kind person to be a healer.
00:25:11Do you think you're a kind person, Tim?
00:25:14Sure.
00:25:16That is such a nice quality in a man.
00:25:19Of course, I always like a man with a sense of humor who's, you know, funny.
00:25:24Do you think you're funny, Tim?
00:25:26I guess so.
00:25:27Good.
00:25:28Tell me a joke.
00:25:29What?
00:25:30Well, you said you're funny, so tell me a joke.
00:25:33Now?
00:25:34If you don't mind.
00:25:35Hey, hey.
00:25:36Okay, you know what?
00:25:37I got to go.
00:25:38I got to go.
00:25:39One more question.
00:25:44Are you a homosexual?
00:25:48When did you come across that word?
00:25:53Yes.
00:25:54Oh, that is so nice.
00:25:56Isn't it nice, Rose?
00:25:57Oh, yeah.
00:25:58That's really nice.
00:25:59Oh, that is so nice.
00:26:01Because, you know, it's a murder of faith.
00:26:04My son is a homosexual.
00:26:08Isn't that right, Rose?
00:26:10Oh, and he is a real nice boy.
00:26:12He is.
00:26:13He's funny, and he's a good cook, and he is handsome.
00:26:15Don't you think he is handsome, Rose?
00:26:17He is so handsome.
00:26:18Oh, he's going to be a great catch for some lucky guy.
00:26:20Really?
00:26:21You know, he is coming over for a Sunday dinner.
00:26:23Why don't you join us?
00:26:25You know, I would love to, but I don't think my boyfriend would like that.
00:26:31Oh, gosh.
00:26:36A nice boy like you, of course you'd have a boyfriend.
00:26:43Well, I really appreciate the tea.
00:26:45I have to get going now.
00:26:46Yeah, just one more thing.
00:26:49Where did you meet your boyfriend?
00:26:54Oh, come on.
00:26:56We're grown women.
00:26:57You can tell us.
00:27:00Well, you know, the Internet.
00:27:05Oh, the Internet.
00:27:10He met him at the Internet?
00:27:12Uh-huh.
00:27:13I heard.
00:27:14And is there a lot of homosexual men at the Internet?
00:27:20Oh, yeah.
00:27:28Brian gets me this like four Christmases ago.
00:27:32Says we can e-mail each other like it.
00:27:34Couldn't just pick up the phone and call.
00:27:38That boy.
00:27:41Sure are a lot of pieces.
00:27:43I'll say.
00:27:48Where do you suppose that goes?
00:27:51How should I know?
00:27:53The only people that understand these things are kids.
00:28:00Hey, Mrs. Davis.
00:28:01My mom said you called about your lawn, but I just cut it two days ago.
00:28:05Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:28:06I must have been mistaken.
00:28:08But as long as you're here.
00:28:11And that's how you turn it on.
00:28:15You are a very smart boy.
00:28:19So what did you want to do with it?
00:28:21Oh, we want to go on the Internet.
00:28:24Okay.
00:28:25What kind of connection do you have?
00:28:27Connection?
00:28:29Yeah.
00:28:30Are you using DSL or a cable modem?
00:28:35I'll just piggyback you off my wireless network.
00:28:38Okay.
00:28:41Okay.
00:28:43And where would you like to go?
00:28:45What?
00:28:47On the Internet.
00:28:49Where would you like to go?
00:28:51Oh, well, my son Brian.
00:28:57You remember Brian.
00:28:58You met him at Christmas.
00:29:00Yes.
00:29:01Well, he has a best friend, and he moved away.
00:29:05And we want to find him another best friend.
00:29:08But best friend, only we have to have a very particular kind of history.
00:29:11Okay.
00:29:12I'll sign you up on Manhunt.
00:29:14Really?
00:29:16I didn't know that.
00:29:17I heard about it from a friend at school, okay?
00:29:21Just don't tell my mom I know how to do this.
00:29:25And here are some cookies for later.
00:29:28And usually it's something for the college fun.
00:29:32Hey, thanks.
00:29:33Oh, you deserve it.
00:29:34You're a big help.
00:29:36No problem.
00:29:37Call me anytime you need tech support.
00:29:40Okay.
00:29:46Well, look at all of them.
00:29:52It's like a catalog of man.
00:29:55Yeah.
00:29:59Oh, my God.
00:30:05Oh, my God.
00:30:07God.
00:30:12That can't be real.
00:30:15He must have a real hard time finding pants that fit.
00:30:20How about this one?
00:30:22I'm a sore.
00:30:24I was really hoping for a doctor.
00:30:26How big are you?
00:30:28What?
00:30:30I'm just reading what he wrote.
00:30:31He wrote, how big are you?
00:30:33That's an odd way to start a conversation.
00:30:34Oh, he wrote it again.
00:30:35How big are you?
00:30:37He's a fast doctor.
00:30:38Oh, my God, it's in caps now.
00:30:40How big are you?
00:30:41He's very impatient.
00:30:44How big are you?
00:30:46Well, Brian is 6'4", so right there.
00:30:50Oh, he's 6'2".
00:30:51No, he's 6'4".
00:30:52No, he's just 6'6".
00:30:53All right, just write, I'm big.
00:30:55I'm big.
00:30:58Cut or uncut?
00:31:01How old are you?
00:31:02Well, that is none of his business.
00:31:06How old, he asked him, how old are you?
00:31:09Well, tell him I'm 52.
00:31:1452.
00:31:17Where'd it go?
00:31:19Well, I don't know.
00:31:21Well, give it.
00:31:22You know what in the world would make you think I know how to do that?
00:31:26There was this thing I saw on Oprah, it's called Googling.
00:31:30Googling?
00:31:31Yeah, yeah, how do you spell Google?
00:31:34Oh, yeah.
00:31:37You have a knack for this road.
00:31:40What do we want to ask?
00:31:42Where can we find some nice gay men?
00:31:45Where do we find gay men in Birmingham?
00:31:48Birmingham, Alabama over at Toaster.
00:31:51But Mae, Mae, that's downtown.
00:31:56Yeah.
00:31:57Well, we haven't been downtown after dark in 20 years.
00:32:03Well, I didn't have any reason to go down there.
00:32:08You coming?
00:32:14Hey, Mae, I got you, I got you.
00:32:16Move right around the corner.
00:32:19Ladies, there's a line.
00:32:21All right.
00:32:26Mae, I don't think this is a very good idea.
00:32:31Nonsense, I'm sure they're perfectly nice people.
00:32:35No, Mae, let's go.
00:32:36No.
00:32:38We're not going anywhere until we find someone for Brian.
00:32:46Ah, are you a nice dog man?
00:32:52Gregory Phillips?
00:32:54What do you think you're doing?
00:32:56Mrs. Davis?
00:32:57Does your mother know you're doing this?
00:32:59I was just standing here, honest.
00:33:01I didn't know it was a gay club.
00:33:02My friend Lynette, God rest her soul, she died of lung cancer.
00:33:06You are much too young to be starting such bad habits.
00:33:12Well, he's kind of cute.
00:33:15ID, please.
00:33:17Really?
00:33:18Oh, thank you so much.
00:33:20ID, okay.
00:33:24Here.
00:33:26Oh, God, where is it?
00:33:28Oh, wait, here it is.
00:33:30There's my license.
00:33:31It's kind of expired, but there's my shopping card and my library card.
00:33:37Oh, that's a calendar.
00:33:39Ma'am, ma'am.
00:33:40Yes?
00:33:41Go in.
00:33:42You are a credit to your profession.
00:33:44Okay, come on, Roach, let's go.
00:33:46Let's go, thank you.
00:33:47I'll see you on the way back.
00:33:49Hi, how are you?
00:33:50That nice young man outside, he told us to come in here.
00:33:53Ten dollars.
00:33:54Ten, ten.
00:33:55Each?
00:33:57Oh.
00:33:58Can you offer a senior citizen discount?
00:34:01No, Rose, please.
00:34:02Here you go.
00:34:04No, it's good, it's always good to ask.
00:34:06Okay.
00:34:09Oh, it's so loud.
00:34:14It's so dark.
00:34:16How am I supposed to find a man in this place?
00:34:19Oh, I'm sorry.
00:34:21I'm so sorry.
00:34:23Excuse me.
00:34:27Does that hurt?
00:34:30Hi, my name is May.
00:34:32How would you like to meet a nun?
00:34:35I must be doing something wrong.
00:34:39I think you're smiling too much.
00:34:41What?
00:34:42Just look at them.
00:34:44They all seem so serious.
00:34:47Okay.
00:34:51Hey, I'm not.
00:34:54Oh, May, let's get out of here.
00:34:56We don't belong here.
00:34:57We're not going anywhere until we find someone for Ryan.
00:35:00I'm not...
00:35:02Oh, for goodness sake.
00:35:05May!
00:35:06May!
00:35:07May!
00:35:08Oh, my.
00:35:09Excuse me.
00:35:10Smoking and drinking?
00:35:12I know your mother didn't raise you like this.
00:35:14Can you please just go away and pretend you don't know me?
00:35:18Is there a problem here?
00:35:19He's too young to be drinking this.
00:35:21She's kidding.
00:35:22I'm 21.
00:35:23See?
00:35:24I have ID.
00:35:25Yeah, and I have a library card, but that doesn't make me Stephen King.
00:35:29Can we both have a Coke?
00:35:31Five dollars, please.
00:35:32Five dollars?
00:35:33For a Coke?
00:35:35A few people must have a very profitable business here.
00:35:39Hey, are you single?
00:35:43Oh, never mind.
00:35:46Now, I...
00:35:50Excuse me.
00:35:52Rose, did you find anyone while I was gone?
00:35:56Um, no.
00:35:58I declare, I don't know how these gay men meet each other if they won't even crack a smile.
00:36:07Why didn't you go before we left?
00:36:10You were rushing me.
00:36:12Well, go then.
00:36:15I'm going to make these men talk to me.
00:36:18I can face down those Daughters of the Confederacy.
00:36:21I can certainly win over a couple of stuffy homosexuals.
00:36:28Hey there.
00:36:30I'm Mae Davis.
00:36:33Oh, am I?
00:36:34But isn't it a lovely evening?
00:36:39Oh my God.
00:36:41What do we have here?
00:36:44It's what drapes down to make dance.
00:36:46Grandma, the sound of music is so over.
00:36:49This, I wouldn't bury my dead cat in this.
00:36:51Oh, I'm sorry.
00:36:53I didn't mean to intrude.
00:36:55Oh, no, please don't hurt me.
00:36:58Man, don't go running!
00:37:17Foxy.
00:37:19Yes, Fantasia?
00:37:21A tiara.
00:37:23Really?
00:37:35I don't want any trouble.
00:37:37You don't want any trouble.
00:37:39My dear life is trouble, and it wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't.
00:37:43Salsa.
00:37:44Yes, Fantasia.
00:37:45Does my memory fail me?
00:37:47I don't recall inviting this person into my parlor,
00:37:52and she certainly does not meet the dress code.
00:37:55I'm so sorry.
00:37:56I didn't mean to intrude.
00:37:57I just wanted to...
00:37:58Thought you'd pop in and take a look at the freak show?
00:38:00See how the other half was living?
00:38:02Take a walk on the wild side and then rush back to your bridge club
00:38:06and tell them some shocking little story?
00:38:08No, I'm looking for a husband.
00:38:12Do you know what kind of club you're in?
00:38:16Oh, no, no, not for me.
00:38:19It's for my nephew, Brian.
00:38:22A wolf, he is a cute one.
00:38:25Yes, oh, you know, his last relationship just turned out real bad,
00:38:29and his mama and I want to find someone nice for him,
00:38:33someone to make him smile.
00:38:35Oh, you know what I mean.
00:38:37Oh, you know what I mean.
00:38:40Hey, when my mommy found out I was gay, she kicked me out of the house.
00:38:45Mine did have a few unkind words on the subject.
00:38:49Gross, is it?
00:38:51I am the Lady Fantasia Extravaganza.
00:38:57Charmed.
00:39:00And this is my protege and BFF, Miss Salsa Roja.
00:39:05Charmed.
00:39:09You know, I just love your outfits.
00:39:14Are those Jimmy Choo's?
00:39:18Good eye.
00:39:19You know what Jimmy Choo's are?
00:39:22I've never seen any in real life, but I've read all about them in Glamour magazine.
00:39:27You read Glamour magazine?
00:39:29Oh, from cover to cover.
00:39:31I just practically devoured the whole thing in a minute in a row.
00:39:34Oh, those beautiful clothes.
00:39:37And yet you dress like this.
00:39:39I wonder, I couldn't wear anything like that.
00:39:41I'm not like you two.
00:39:43I'm not a model.
00:39:45I'm nobody special.
00:39:47My dear, you don't know how wrong you are.
00:39:51Ladies, it's glamour time.
00:40:34You are such a scamp.
00:40:44I will not believe a lot of it, but thank you.
00:40:48Now why don't you tell me how you got...
00:40:50Ro?
00:40:52Ro, is that you?
00:40:58Don't you just love it?
00:41:02Hey, help me.
00:41:04This is my new friend.
00:41:07I'm Fantasia.
00:41:11Hello.
00:41:13I'm Ro's sister, Meg.
00:41:16Ah, the mother of young Master Brian.
00:41:19Delighted to meet you.
00:41:21Ro's told me all about your little enterprise.
00:41:23My friends and I would love to offer any assistance we can.
00:41:26Oh, thank you so much.
00:41:29Fantasia, well this is Jim and Glenn.
00:41:33Wouldn't you know it, they're a couple.
00:41:36Jim is in real estate and Glenn is a paramedic.
00:41:40Hi.
00:41:41Delighted to make your acquaintance.
00:41:44I was just telling them about our little husband hunt for Brian.
00:41:48Oh, he's nice.
00:41:51Yes, pity he's a coke head.
00:41:53Oh, what about that one?
00:41:55Married.
00:41:56That one?
00:41:57Alcoholic.
00:41:58Him?
00:41:59Passive aggressive.
00:42:00Him?
00:42:01Crystal theme.
00:42:02Him?
00:42:03Republican.
00:42:04Him?
00:42:05Mine.
00:42:06What about?
00:42:07Also mine.
00:42:08What?
00:42:09I'm popular.
00:42:10This is harder than it looks.
00:42:12Hi.
00:42:15Oh, what was that?
00:42:19It's called throwing attitudes.
00:42:21Ah, he's just young.
00:42:22Well, that is no excuse for bad manners.
00:42:27What was that all about?
00:42:29What was what?
00:42:30That nice man just said hello to you and you just sneered at him.
00:42:34Because he's like 100 years old.
00:42:36Oh, honey, listen to me.
00:42:37Being 16 and skinny is no great accomplishment.
00:42:41Now, that man is a paramedic.
00:42:43He saved someone's life today.
00:42:45Now, would it kill you to be polite and come over and say hello?
00:42:50Jim, Glenn, this is my neighbor's son, Fred.
00:42:56Hi.
00:42:57Hi.
00:42:59Hello.
00:43:02So, you're like a doctor or something?
00:43:05You see, was that so hard?
00:43:08And pull up your pants, for God's sake.
00:43:11No one is going to buy the cows they can get the milk for free.
00:43:14What does that even mean?
00:43:16Oh, now, where'd he go?
00:43:18Oh.
00:43:19Oh!
00:43:20Oh!
00:43:21Oh!
00:43:22Oh!
00:43:23Oh!
00:43:24Oh!
00:43:25Oh, oh, what's the problem?
00:43:26Roach, we're supposed to be finding a boyfriend for Brian.
00:43:30Not look at his honey.
00:43:31Roach!
00:43:32Oh, it's so tight.
00:43:35I've just never seen honey that tight.
00:43:38Oh, it is very nice.
00:43:40Well, now, I'm not saying it's everything.
00:43:42Ladies, can we focus?
00:43:44Look at his tummy, May.
00:43:47I can count each little muscle.
00:43:51Roach!
00:43:52Look at the size of it.
00:43:54Yes, ladies! He is a walking, talking anatomy lesson, but I'm sure Brian isn't looking for a man that...
00:44:05Oh, my...
00:44:07No, Brian isn't looking for a man that...
00:44:14Alright, give me a dollar.
00:44:18Excuse me!
00:44:20Yeah!
00:44:22Mr. Superman!
00:44:24Are you single?
00:44:26What?
00:44:28Are you single?
00:44:30Uh, lady, I'm flattered, but I'm not even straight.
00:44:34Well, yeah, it's hard work, but you feel like you're making a difference every day?
00:44:38Yeah, fascinating story.
00:44:41So you guys gonna buy me a drink now or what?
00:44:44Why would we do that?
00:44:46So that I'll keep standing here being seen with you, of course.
00:44:49Really, I like a guy with a great sense of humor.
00:44:53Because, you know, life is just too damn hard if you can't laugh at it.
00:44:57It's so true!
00:44:59You know, you both totally want me.
00:45:01Nah, not so much.
00:45:03Not since you opened your mouth.
00:45:05So what do you do when you're not, you know, naked?
00:45:09I go to school!
00:45:11School? Law school? Mid-school?
00:45:15Art school!
00:45:16Oh!
00:45:18What?
00:45:20Oh, nothing. Just me letting go of a dream.
00:45:24Bullshit!
00:45:26See? You know you want it!
00:45:29Wow! I really wish my mom was as cool as you are.
00:45:34Good! Can you tell that to my son when you meet him?
00:45:38And between you and me, Chase, he is a kid.
00:45:47Now, honey, I get to go home to that every night.
00:45:50So you can put away your pop gun.
00:45:53Here are directions to dinner, 5 p.m. sharp.
00:45:58And you don't have to...
00:46:00Oh.
00:46:02You don't have to bring anything.
00:46:05Well, thanks.
00:46:07Oh, hey, Chase.
00:46:09It's not formal dress, but...
00:46:13Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll put on pants.
00:46:16Oh, come on. Why not?
00:46:19You're annoying.
00:46:21And you're like total jailbait.
00:46:23I'm 21. See?
00:46:25Oh, this again.
00:46:27I think this little card has caused enough trouble for one night.
00:46:30Hey, can I bring my friend, Miss Kitty?
00:46:33She is an elegant woman, just like you.
00:46:36Well, of course!
00:46:38Right there. Kitty? Miss Kitty!
00:46:41Which one is she?
00:46:43The one with the strong right hook.
00:46:44Ow!
00:46:46I know your mother.
00:46:48What's up?
00:46:50Hi. Language.
00:46:52Now, I hope you two boys can come over for dinner.
00:46:57Nothing fancy, just good food and good folk.
00:47:00Now, Greg, say goodnight to your new friends.
00:47:03I'll give you a ride home.
00:47:05But I just got here.
00:47:07It is 10 o'clock, and it is a school night.
00:47:09I know where your mother thinks you are.
00:47:11Oh, lady.
00:47:12I heard that.
00:47:14Rose, come on!
00:47:19Um, can I tell you two something?
00:47:23You all are the first new friends I have made in 20 years.
00:47:29Oh, darling!
00:47:32Diva.
00:47:42Run away!
00:47:44All good? Okay, do what I taught you.
00:47:47Fist, boom!
00:47:49And then a...
00:47:51And then, sister sizzle!
00:47:56I love you.
00:48:02He's cute.
00:48:04Yeah, you should probably stick to university for a while.
00:48:07Wow, you've been everywhere.
00:48:10Oh, yes.
00:48:12Arthur and I finally had a chance to travel after Brian was in college.
00:48:16That one was taken in Rome.
00:48:20And is this Brian?
00:48:22That is my pride and joy.
00:48:25Where's your husband?
00:48:27He passed away a few years back.
00:48:30Oh, I'm sorry.
00:48:32Oh, don't be.
00:48:33Wow, I'm sorry.
00:48:35Oh, don't be. He had a good life.
00:48:38I was lucky enough to share it with him.
00:48:41Hey, man, you want me to get that?
00:48:44No, no, I'll get it.
00:48:46Here we go.
00:48:48Now, you hide in the dining room. I want to surprise him.
00:48:50Okay.
00:48:53Brian!
00:48:55Hey, mom.
00:48:57I'm so glad you're here. There is someone I want you to meet.
00:48:59Oh, yeah, about that, I actually...
00:49:00Everybody, this is my son, Brian.
00:49:03Hi, Brian.
00:49:05Hi.
00:49:08And then, this is Lady Fantasia Extravaganza.
00:49:14Ciao.
00:49:16All right.
00:49:18This is Jim.
00:49:19Hi.
00:49:20Hi.
00:49:21And Glenn.
00:49:22Hi.
00:49:23Hi.
00:49:24And I'm Greg.
00:49:26Remember what we said about the Bar 17?
00:49:28Isn't that the neighbor's...
00:49:30And this is Chase.
00:49:32He's going to art school.
00:49:34That's nice.
00:49:36I love it.
00:49:38Oh, and this is Miss Salsa Roja, who I might add has turned out to be quite the cook.
00:49:42Well, yes, you should try my huevos sometime.
00:49:45All right.
00:49:47Well, now that we're all here, why don't we sit down to dinner?
00:49:52See, mom, the thing is, is that...
00:49:55Wait, now, where's Kitty?
00:49:57Oh, nice fight.
00:49:58Don't ask.
00:50:00Oh, well, does everybody have something to drink?
00:50:04Mom.
00:50:05Mom!
00:50:06So, your mom tells me that you're a teacher?
00:50:08Yeah.
00:50:09So, what's a girl got to do to get a little extra credit?
00:50:13So, what is it that you teach?
00:50:15AP literature.
00:50:17What's your favorite book?
00:50:18Look, I'm sorry.
00:50:19Excuse me, both of you guys, but I...
00:50:22Mom, can I ask you something?
00:50:26Of course, Steve.
00:50:27Of course, dear.
00:50:29How do you know all these people?
00:50:32Well, you're acting like I never get out of the house.
00:50:35Are you surprised that I have friends you don't know about?
00:50:39Yeah.
00:50:41Do you know that they're all...
00:50:43Delightful?
00:50:44Yes.
00:50:45Aren't they just?
00:50:48So, Chase, you tell Brian about that painting you're working on.
00:50:52The one about Iraq or whatever it was.
00:50:54Oh, well, it's this kind of allegory...
00:50:56Sorry.
00:50:57Mom, I have some news.
00:51:00I mean, some really big news.
00:51:02Well, I think I know what it is.
00:51:04Really?
00:51:05Well, how'd you find out?
00:51:06I'm your mother.
00:51:07I know everything.
00:51:10I wonder who that can be.
00:51:12Maybe it's Kitty.
00:51:14I'm Kitty!
00:51:18Hello.
00:51:19Well, hi!
00:51:20You must be Brian's mom.
00:51:22I'm Jenny Sue.
00:51:24Yes.
00:51:25Jenny Sue Campbell!
00:51:26Oh, Scott Sue Campbell!
00:51:28Mom, this is Jenny Sue.
00:51:31My fiancée.
00:51:34It is so nice to finally meet you.
00:51:36Brian talks about you all the time.
00:51:39Uh-huh.
00:51:40Does he?
00:51:42Oh, my goodness!
00:51:45And so many people!
00:51:47Brian didn't tell me you were throwing us a party!
00:51:49Oh, well, you know how things slip his mind.
00:51:53Um, this is Salsa Roja.
00:51:57Hola!
00:51:58Delighted to meet you!
00:52:00Just because you have a real cool t-
00:52:02Oh!
00:52:03Tourette's Syndrome, poor dear.
00:52:05Doctors can't do a thing about it.
00:52:07And I'm Fantasia Extravaganza.
00:52:10So nice to finally meet you.
00:52:12Brian has been talking our ears off about you all evening.
00:52:16Oh, you must be frightfully bored by now.
00:52:19On the contrary, we're dying to hear more.
00:52:23This is my sister Rose.
00:52:25It's nice to meet you.
00:52:27And that is Chase and Glenn and Jim and Greg.
00:52:33Everybody, this is Brian's fiancée.
00:52:38Jenny Sue!
00:52:40Hi, y'all!
00:52:42Um, yeah.
00:52:43Hi, y'all.
00:52:46Wait, you said Brian was playing on our team?
00:52:49Yeah, well, apparently he's cross-training.
00:52:53Would you like some sailing?
00:52:54Well, don't y'all say grace!
00:52:56Of course, dear.
00:52:58Um, would you like to do the honors?
00:53:01Certainly!
00:53:06Thank you, God, for another wonderful day
00:53:08and the chance to be here with my new friends.
00:53:11And thank you for all this wonderful food.
00:53:13And, most importantly,
00:53:15thank you for bringing Brian and I together.
00:53:18Amen!
00:53:21Oh, my!
00:53:23This certainly is an interesting dish!
00:53:24What do you call it?
00:53:26Vete a la chingada pero robando pera!
00:53:29What a long name!
00:53:32Mom, is everything okay?
00:53:34Of course, dear. Why do you ask?
00:53:36Because I kind of expected you to be jumping up and down
00:53:38with excitement about right now.
00:53:40Oh, you just caught me a little by surprise, is all.
00:53:44Oh, am I not what you were expecting?
00:53:47Oh, no, dear. I've always wanted a daughter-in-law.
00:53:50Oh, bless your heart.
00:53:52You know, we should go out next week and have lunch.
00:53:55We can get together and go shopping, get our hair done.
00:53:58Oh, that sounds like so much fun!
00:54:00Can I come?
00:54:02Oh, of course!
00:54:03I wouldn't think about leaving without Brian's favorite aunt!
00:54:06You know, Mom, I was really kind of thinking about...
00:54:08Eat your salad, dear.
00:54:09So, Jenny-Sue, have you and Brian given any thought
00:54:13about what you're going to name the children?
00:54:15Mom!
00:54:16Well, I'm just making conversation.
00:54:18Oh, yeah, I've been keeping a list
00:54:20because I plan on having a big family with Brian.
00:54:23Like the Bible says, be fruitful and multiply!
00:54:26Oh, Jenny-Sue, I love you already!
00:54:29Ah, see, darling? I told you we'd get along!
00:54:31Now, how about some of, perhaps, some red wine?
00:54:34It's a lot!
00:54:35Oh, no, thank you.
00:54:37I never touch the devil's alcohol.
00:54:39Oh, all right.
00:54:40Well, Brian, how about you?
00:54:42Oh, he doesn't touch it either!
00:54:47Oh, really?
00:54:49But, Brian, you have such lovely taste in...
00:54:51Yeah, well, Jenny-Sue's helping me clean up my act.
00:54:55That's right!
00:54:56No more drinking, no more swearing, and oh!
00:54:59Don't get me started on those practical jokes!
00:55:02I don't know how you ever put up with those!
00:55:05Oh, I...
00:55:07So, Jenny, how long have you and Brian been seeing each other?
00:55:11Oh, not long.
00:55:12When it's right, you just know it.
00:55:14And how did you two meet?
00:55:16Oh, it was sweet!
00:55:18We met through my daddy.
00:55:20Really? Who's your father?
00:55:21Yeah, who's your daddy?
00:55:23He's the minister down at Conquering Faith Baptist.
00:55:25Really?
00:55:27But we're Episcopal.
00:55:28Brian, how could you...
00:55:29You're a really great son, Mom.
00:55:31Thank you. Anything else you need tossed?
00:55:34You know, the church has a Christian singles night on Thursday!
00:55:37Y'all should come down sometime!
00:55:39I'm not sure we'd fit in.
00:55:41Oh, nonsense!
00:55:42You would be the belle of the ball!
00:55:45And you know, we've dropped that whole rule against interracial dating.
00:55:49How wonderfully progressive of you!
00:55:52Thank you!
00:55:54You boys should come too!
00:55:56Where I kinda take it.
00:55:58Oh, are y'all married?
00:55:59Only in Massachusetts.
00:56:02Massachusetts.
00:56:03Jenny Sue, have you and Brian given any thought
00:56:06of how the children are going to be brought up?
00:56:08Oh yeah, they're going to be homeschooled just like I was.
00:56:12Homeschooled?
00:56:13Well, we wouldn't want them exposed to all that amoral, secular,
00:56:16humanist devil worship in the Vogue school system, now would we?
00:56:19That must be rough on you, Brian.
00:56:21Do they make you sacrifice to go to the beginning of class or at the end?
00:56:24My daddy's going to find him a new job.
00:56:26What?
00:56:27I mean, that hasn't actually been settled yet.
00:56:29And you'd love those kids you teach.
00:56:31Yeah, and now I'm going to have kids of my own.
00:56:34Yes, I guess.
00:56:36So, Jenny Sue, Brian keeps telling me how much the two of you have in common.
00:56:42Oh, that's so true!
00:56:45Things like...
00:56:47Oh, well, we both just love pecan pie.
00:56:50Can't get enough of it, isn't that nice?
00:56:52And long walks.
00:56:54Oh, and puppies.
00:56:55We both love puppies.
00:56:57Well, that's nice.
00:56:58And Brian is such a good listener.
00:57:00Well, sometimes I'll just go on and on and on,
00:57:02talking about the silliest little things, hour after hour after hour,
00:57:05and he won't even say a word.
00:57:07Really?
00:57:09So, dear, when's the wedding?
00:57:12Well, we haven't set a date yet, but I do love the idea of a June wedding.
00:57:17Oh, so soon.
00:57:19Are you going to hire a florist, or is Brian going to do the flower arrangements?
00:57:24What do you mean?
00:57:26She means, do you know that your fiancé is gay?
00:57:29Woo!
00:57:31Oh, God! Oh, God!
00:57:33Oh, Mom, breathe, breathe!
00:57:35Wait, no, no, no, don't try to talk, Mom, breathe!
00:57:37Yes, my fiancé's mother's having a stroke.
00:57:40Don't talk, breathe!
00:57:42Are you okay, May?
00:57:44Mom, breathe!
00:57:46Oh, God, doesn't anybody else see?
00:57:48I do, and I don't think she's having a stroke.
00:57:50I am not having a stroke!
00:57:52Maybe we should just check you in, just for precautionary sake.
00:57:54Stop it!
00:57:58Don't worry about me.
00:58:00What about your fiancé?
00:58:04Oh, she knows.
00:58:06She knows?
00:58:07She knows.
00:58:08And I'm just tickled pink to be the one saving Brian from a life of sin and perversion.
00:58:14Can you pass the butter?
00:58:19So, great pork chops.
00:58:25Brian, I did hear you right.
00:58:29You did say that you were gay.
00:58:33Mom, if I say yes, are you going to have a stroke?
00:58:36Oh, stop it!
00:58:37Yeah.
00:58:38But you're marrying Gina Sue!
00:58:41Well, ain't it grand?
00:58:42I get to catch up a husband like this,
00:58:44and I get to save a soul for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
00:58:49He's a dipper!
00:58:51Ann, I thought you'd kind of be happy that I'm finally settling down.
00:58:55Yeah, I guess.
00:59:02So, Chase, you help me out here.
00:59:05I thought that being gay means that you fall in love with other men.
00:59:10That's what I thought.
00:59:12Just checking.
00:59:13So, Brian, do you love this girl?
00:59:15Mom, I like her a lot.
00:59:17And I love my kids.
00:59:19Oh, and he is going to love me, Mrs. Davis.
00:59:21Don't you worry about that.
00:59:23Everybody loves me.
00:59:25Oh, except for that one weird little boy back in Sunday school.
00:59:28I think his name was Curtis.
00:59:30No matter how nice I was to him, he just would not let me back.
00:59:33Did you try flirting?
00:59:35Yes.
00:59:36Slattery?
00:59:37Yes.
00:59:38Bribery?
00:59:40I even baked that boy peach biscuits.
00:59:42I tell you, nothing worked.
00:59:44By the way, I hate to pry into another woman's secrets.
00:59:50Oh, pry away.
00:59:52Well, there's something I've just been dying to ask you ever since I laid eyes on you.
00:59:57Mom, she's a sweet girl.
00:59:59Brian, she's practically cotton candy.
01:00:02She's going to make a great mother.
01:00:04Maybe, but be practical.
01:00:06Have you thought this through?
01:00:08I mean, how's it all going to work?
01:00:10In the bedroom.
01:00:12Oh, Mom, come on.
01:00:14I mean, it's not like I can't be with a woman.
01:00:17You sure?
01:00:19Well, there was this time in college...
01:00:22Oh, I don't want to know the details.
01:00:26You tell me this.
01:00:28Does she make you happy?
01:00:30I mean, laugh out loud, thrilled to be alive, smiling all the time, happy?
01:00:36Mom, I'm 30.
01:00:37So?
01:00:38The number of women willing to marry a 30-year-old gay guy, it's kind of limited.
01:00:41If I want to have kids, it has to be now, and it has to be Ginny.
01:00:44But you're not just doing this because, you know, Dennis.
01:00:49You mean about Dennis?
01:00:51I'm your mother. I know everything.
01:00:54So?
01:00:58Mom, you just don't know what it's like.
01:01:03I mean, I keep going to these clubs, and half the guys are on crystal meth,
01:01:08and the other half are sneering at me because, God forbid, they actually talked to somebody born before 1980.
01:01:13It's not that bad.
01:01:15You wait five years, then you come talk to me.
01:01:17But, Brian...
01:01:19Mom, I don't want to waste the rest of my life chasing after somebody who cares more about what gym I go to than what's going on with me.
01:01:25I want somebody that cares about me.
01:01:27That's all I want.
01:01:28Then be happy for me.
01:01:34This adds the shock.
01:01:36That tickles!
01:01:38And do this.
01:01:42You sure know a lot about makeup!
01:01:45I have a lot to hide.
01:01:47Stop it! You can't be a day over 30!
01:01:50Oh, you're so sweet!
01:01:52Blonde as a bat, but so sweet!
01:01:55Well, we hate to eat and run, but we really should be going.
01:01:58But, Brian, they haven't finished yet.
01:02:01Well, it was nice to meet y'all.
01:02:04Thank you for a lovely evening.
01:02:06It was so nice to meet you, too, dear.
01:02:09My parents are dying to meet you.
01:02:11Can you come over to our house on Friday?
01:02:13Oh, gee...
01:02:15You know, your parents live so far out in the country...
01:02:17Oh, dear, I would love to come!
01:02:19Yay!
01:02:21You know what? I have a better idea.
01:02:23Why don't they come over here for dinner?
01:02:25Oh, they couldn't impose?
01:02:27Oh, no, please!
01:02:29They have done so much already getting the two of you together.
01:02:33And sometimes I like having the home court advantage.
01:02:36Mom, I'm really not...
01:02:37I will not take no for an answer.
01:02:39Shall we say six?
01:02:41Well, okay, then!
01:02:43It's going to be so much fun having you in the family!
01:02:46Look, Mom, I really don't think that this is...
01:02:48I just want you to be happy.
01:02:50Now you kids go have fun!
01:02:52Yay!
01:02:55Well, hello, hello!
01:02:57Mom, you remember Jenny Sue?
01:02:59Oh, how could I forget?
01:03:01Nice to see you again.
01:03:03Oh, we are just as pleased as punch you invited us over.
01:03:06These are my parents.
01:03:08I'm John, but my friends call me Buddy.
01:03:11And this is my wife, Edna.
01:03:14Nice to meet you.
01:03:16An absolute pleasure.
01:03:18Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
01:03:21Nice to meet you.
01:03:22An absolute pleasure.
01:03:24Well, why don't you all come inside?
01:03:27Miss Davis, you have a lovely...
01:03:34Wow.
01:03:36Mom, I...
01:03:37Oh, I just love it!
01:03:40You're so adventuresome!
01:03:42Oh, well, now that you're looking after my Brian,
01:03:45I have found time for so many new interests.
01:03:48Really?
01:03:49Such as?
01:03:51Can I offer anyone a drink?
01:03:53Oh, thank you, but we never touch...
01:03:56The devil's alcohol, I remember now.
01:03:59Well, Brian, how about you?
01:04:01I just learned how to make a sour apple martini,
01:04:04and I'm down to try...
01:04:05Mom, you know I don't drink alcohol.
01:04:07Silly me.
01:04:10Well, Jenny Sue,
01:04:12you have certainly had an influence over my little Brian.
01:04:16Why, thank you.
01:04:18It's almost like I'm getting a whole new son.
01:04:22You know, Mom, I could really go for a glass of iced tea.
01:04:25What a nice idea.
01:04:27Why don't you fetch a pitcher for the rest of us?
01:04:31I can't tell you how happy I am
01:04:34that he is marrying a nice girl like Jenny Sue.
01:04:37Oh, my little pumpkin is quite a catch.
01:04:40And you're okay with Brian being...
01:04:43The past is past.
01:04:46As I always said,
01:04:48if anyone can turn a queer man straight,
01:04:51it's my little girl.
01:04:53Really?
01:04:55You actually went around saying that?
01:04:57Yeah.
01:04:59So, is everybody getting along?
01:05:02Of course, dear.
01:05:04I was just telling Jenny Sue
01:05:06how I can't wait to get some grandkids.
01:05:09Oh, and I can't wait to get started on them.
01:05:13But I will, of course, wait until after we're married.
01:05:17That might be best.
01:05:19Oh.
01:05:21I'm sorry, is this a bad time?
01:05:23Oh, Chase, it is never a bad time to see you.
01:05:27Well, I finished the piece.
01:05:29Would you like to take a look at it?
01:05:31I can't wait.
01:05:33Okay.
01:05:35Chase is such a sweet boy.
01:05:38He's been helping me out around the house.
01:05:40Well, Mom, you know I would do that if you'd just ask.
01:05:42Oh, don't be silly.
01:05:44Chase needs to earn a little money for art school.
01:05:47Besides, I'm sure you're much too busy
01:05:50fixing up your place for Jenny Sue.
01:05:52Oh, we're not going to keep that old place.
01:05:55Really.
01:05:57Well, we've picked out a new house for them in our neighborhood.
01:06:01Calvary House.
01:06:03It's a gated Christian home.