YIvis - The king commands E10 (English subs)
Last episode (10) of the comedy show with YIvis on Norwegian TV, airing in fall/ winter 2019
English subs and translation by Esther
English subs and translation by Esther
Transcript
00:30Welcome to Kongen befaler, the show here our 5 resident comedians will solve impish compiled by me
00:38Here, we have a Christmas-mood and not least, finale-mood
00:44Because today it will be decided who wins the season’s main prize: A golden bust of me
00:52And who will it be? Will it be Vegard Ylvisåker?
00:57Will it be Maria Stavang? Will it be Bård Ylvisåker?
01:01Will it be Siri Kristiansen, or will it be Calle Hellvang- Larsen?
01:06The one who sees, will see. Olli Wermskog – Yes
01:11You’re here as Santa’s little helper.
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undefined:undefinedwill change the life of the one who wins
02:14Whom shall we start with? Shall we take… - Can I get to decide since it’s Christmas? – No
02:20We start with Siri – Yes
02:23This is… - You should bring something that is life-changing for the one who wins it at the end of the day
02:29This is something I know many people want, but it’s nearly totally impossible to get it, so if you get this, your life will be completely different
02:37I procured a handicapped ID
02:45You don’t need to see the other things
02:48It’s valid until the end of 2021,
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undefined:undefinedup. We wish for 5 adults, 4 and one on standby
03:33I don’t need to read the whole mail. It starts at Majorstua and then you’re supposed to go to Borgen
03:39The one who wins this becomes a night raven for one night – Yes, it will be several nights – It will be several nights
03:49This is nice – It’s a bit difficult because you’d like to win the ID but it comes with this…
03:58This is not a joke, you have to do this -Yes – And I’m not thinking of doing it
04:04Unless I win – Vegard, what do you have?
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undefined:undefinedthis must pay 120 000 kroner?
04:40In the course of the next 10 years? – Yes – Yes, Maria
04:46This is a mirror that magnifies your face with 10
04:50Yes, there are some ladies here who know what I’m talking about -Is it 10 times the same or ten different faces? – 10 times your face. So, you see… yuck
04:58So, you see your face so much in HD that it will change your life because you will come to realise how ugly you actually are
05:05So, all imperfections are shown? All blackheads, all pores – You can see whole colonies in some places
05:12Inside your skin. That’s how good the mirror is – Yes, you interpreted the task correctly, because it didn’t say anywhere that it’s supposed to change the life in a better way
05:18Don’t do that – No, I owned such a mirror once, which my wife had, so I took it and assembled it above the toilet
05:27So that when people came to visit, they just see a huge version….and that was
05:38So, it can change your life in a positive way, depending on where you mirror yourself – Calle?
05:46I brought a thing that will change the life
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undefined:undefinedinto the penis or the vagina
06:14But into the… the… - The urethra – But it goes inside? – It goes inside
06:20Is it your own? – This is… the
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undefined:undefinedthis child will suddenly receive 120000 kroner within 10 years – Yes
07:14I think it will be too much. It will work against its intention
07:19So, if all of them play together and
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undefined:undefinedI’d like to know how much candle was burnt off
11:32This pillar candle weighed 1 kilo and 400 grams, so 1.4
11:37And you burnt off 118 gram of this candle – Yes, yes, yes. That’s good
11:47We will continue and whom can you make us happy with now, Olli?- I chose Vegard, Bård and Maria
11:53And this film has a title: One drawer and two solutions
12:01Yes, okay, but not only that, I’ll get another heat source
12:05I think I’ll do this in the garage
12:16This is perfect
12:22Yes, perfect
12:24One thing I haven’t said, I’m actually a coward when it comes to flames
12:30So, I think I’ll keep as much distance as possible
12:36What I will do is that I will spray it sideways, so I create some kind of funnel
12:44What are we talking timewise now? - You have 7 minutes left
12:48This isn’t a hard task
12:59It doesn’t work – As long as you solve it correctly – Yes, but, I mean, it’s not possible
13:06It’s not possible to not solve this one here in a good way, I think
13:16I have to say, I really hope that no one has tried to do this here inside
13:20If you do this here inside, you’re a complete idiot – Now I’m enjoying myself
13:32I can agree with that
13:38Is it a good sign that several of the crew have gone outside?
13:46You’re not afraid of a small lighter
14:06Come on
14:10It nevertheless works surprisingly slow. This has started getting warm. The globe has in any case gotten a nice hole right outside Africa
14:19So, that’s good
14:25Now I’m enjoying myself a lot
14:29Hold the spurt, Stavang – You can nearly weigh it again
14:33More contact surface, the physicists at home think. Okay, fine. Nerds
14:43Oh, that’s very warm where it burns – Work now, work now
15:01I feel it in my ironing arm. But I think it was fun. I must win this, maybe I’ll win this one
15:07I must win this. Unless, Vegard put it into a bucket and just set it on fire
15:24Yes, there’s a lot to tackle here. I have to ask you first, Bård. Have you heard about HMS (Occupational safety and health)?
15:32Yes, I’ve never been totally tied up with it – No
15:37Maria, have you heard about someone who lights things with a hammer?
15:43So, we hammer a light tonight, we hammer it for joy. Have you heard about that?
15:48I think I was angry – It didn’t work out very well -What…?
15:54But it sounds as if you don’t acknowledge hammering?
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undefined:undefinedand 20 gram which you got burnt off there
16:15But, let’s see, Bård, you burnt off 664 grams – Yes, yes – Of the candle
16:22And Vegard, 1361 grams. You are very close
16:28That’s very good – You are leading – It was more or less 100%. That has to be said – 39 grams
16:35But, possible to beat, possible to beat – Absolutely. Shall we watch Calle? – Yes
16:43There, yes
16:45Let’s see if we find something in the garage
16:58Perfect
17:00We use this kettle barbecue here – What are you doing with these? – They’re just firewood
17:18What are you pouring into it? – Just more fire accelerant
17:27I give a damn; I’ll just do it like this
17:36It’s a bit close to the garage
17:44Classy, this here
17:535, 4. That’s a fire blanket, yes. 3
17:582 – Is that’s how it’s supposed to look? – 1. And zero. Let’s see
18:10It smells somewhat toxic – It smells very toxic
18:21Calle, you won in any case the competition ‘Burn as much fire accelerant as possible within 20 minutes’
18:29You needed 8 minutes to set fire. So, you lost some time there. That reflects a bit, you were very close
18:371154 gram. That means with other words, 2nd place
18:42Vegard, you once again get away with the victory
18:49It’s shared between 3 – Very, very close.
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undefined:undefinedthan just a present, kind of
20:32No- He’s done the same as me – It looks cheap
20:41I have thus gotten my own star. Up in the sky, you have bought a star
20:56Atlas Antonias – Yes
20:59That’s nice, but it’s also humbugs – No – No?
21:06Yes, because it’s true that those who sell them also own them?
21:11No, but they own the registration system. You haven’t gotten the star, you just got it registered in your name
21:18Look at the date it was registered at – The date it was registered at is…
21:23At my birthday
21:28Boom, that hit bull’s eye
21:33It’s nice – It’s a nice thought – It’s not sure
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undefined:undefinedthought that you like to travel
23:16So, this here you can get. It’s a plane
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undefined:undefinedNo, you haven’t been there
23:48You need to have a special
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You are feeling best when other people
:undefinedare feeling uncomfortable – Yes, that’s totally correct
25:19It’s more an experience than a gift. But you can gladly keep this thing inside there
25:27That’s allowed, that kind of gift – With this you will be allowed to cut relatively short bangs for me
25:47Shall I sit there? – In front of me, on front of me. Turn around
25:52Are you going to cut it from behind? – No, I will get this done
25:58Now there will be two people here that look like Cecilie Leganger
26:02Should we start here at the edge, I think? – Yes – This can be good
26:18I will just do some finishing touches here – Keep a little tail – Does it look good?
26:32Yes, that turned out well
26:40Do you want to have this? – Yes
26:48Have you seen…? – This turned out pretty nice – Yes
26:57I suppose that…
27:01But it was a gift – It was. Are you ready to distribute points? – I’m in fact ready to distribute points
27:07You receive 1 point, Vegard – No – Unfortunately
27:14It’s clear that it’s nice but I won’t be going there, you know? – Huh?
27:20I choose to give Bård 2 points, 3 points to Maria
27:24This means that Siri gets 4 points and Calle, there’s no way around it, look at the boy
27:40Yes, that was fantastic, that was fantastic. Christmas is thus more than candles and presents
27:47 It’s also Christmas movies – Yes, it is
27:50Shall we watch a task that is precisely about Christmas movies. I’m looking forward to it? – Yes, merry Christmas
28:09No, look here. So sweet. Thank you. Get off
28:18Create a stop-motion Christmas classic – I have to move the figures and take pictures?
28:25Yes, that’s stop-motion- That’s stop motion? Do I have to film it? – Yes
28:30With? Oh, yes, a camera – The one who gives Atle the best Christmas mood wins
28:39This is something I would have liked when I was a very young boy. But now I’m an adult
28:48Like this. And then you press here
28:51No, I’m not towards the task
29:01I’ll go outside and do it
29:04No, we’re talking about a good old craft here and I’m a bit excited, I would nearly even say that I’m looking forward to it
29:12And in addition, you have the possibility to dub your film live here, if you want to
29:17And to make it clearer, I thought we could start with Vegard
29:25Can I? No, you know what, we start with Vegard
29:30That’s fine. I don’t want to introduce my film, I think I made an intro on location
29:38So, I can introduce it there – Then we’ll watch it
29:47Oh, hi, Atle
29:49I hope, you’re looking forward to Christmas and have gotten into the proper Christmas mood
29:55If you’re lacking that certain
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undefined:undefinedthem until we’re ready with the commercials
31:35Welcome back to Drammen’s theatre and Kongen befaler, where we’re sitting excitedly before the premiere of Bård’s film
31:42That’s the one you want to watch? – That’s the one I want to watch, yes – Then we’ll watch it
32:25Yes, I’m tempted to call this craft. It wasn’t so bad – It took a long time in any case – Yes, how long did it take? – It took a very long time
32:33Yes, we will see… do you know what we will see? Maria’s is what we’ll watch
32:40Yes, Maria, you have the word – I feel that no matter what I’ll say as intro, it won’t help
32:47You will dub it live – I think so, I’ll try – That’s good
32:51Hi, that’s your wife and your children, I assumed it’s 2, and there are you and you got some presents from your children, a grape and some fire accelerator
32:58Did you like your present? Yes, oh you got a car from your wife. Oh no, there’s a lion
33:03He eats your child, he eats you, he eats your other kid
33:10Merry Christmas
33:21That was dark, Stavang – Shall we
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undefined:undefinedthem voices / dub it live
33:52It will do that. Absolutely. I’ll try. My film is called: The crooked Atle and the magical snowmen
34:05Christmas holidays in the little village Kvarskaldlyngdalsdalen is in full swing and the children are outside playing at the toboggan run
34:13Ready, steady, go. Chang won, yay. As a punishment you have to pull him up the hill, Alex
34:22Oh, stress, I need a break. Oh look, an eagle. Who is the weird boy coming?
34:28It’s Atle coming. He’s new in town. My name is Atle, can I join you in tobogganing?
34:34Are you supposed to toboggan with your weird body? You’re totally crooked and stiff
34:40Crooked Atle
34:42You can try, you can borrow my toboggan, crooked Atle: Crooked Atle borrows a toboggan and starts tobogganing
34:51But he quickly loses control, crashes into a tree and faints
34:54What a loser you are, crooked Atle, we’re leaving
34:59Atle remains laying there while the night comes. Suddenly, the snowmen start coming to life
35:05Oh, it’s nice to move around. Oh, what’s that? There’s a boy laying there. He fainted. You have to wake up, boy, wake up
35:13Wake up, what happened? – I can’t manage to toboggan. And nobody wants to teach me because I have a weird and crooked body
35:20Poor boy, we have to do something, shall we snow him? – Yes, we snow him. Sleep now, Atle
35:26And when you wake up, you’ll have a magical present, everything will be fine – A normal body?
35:30No, that’s crooked and stiff for eternity. Sleep now Atle, sleep, and I’ll explain everything, sleep
35:37The next morning, the other children are back at the tobogganing run – What is that for some weird snow hill?
35:42Oh, it’s crooked Atle – I had a weird dream
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undefined:undefinedanimated movies, sometimes several years
36:36It’s incredible what you created here – Thank you – Yes, one more applause for this. That was impressive
36:48But, life is way too short to give people more praise than deserved – Yes – We have one more film
36:55Yes, one more film who can top this. Shall we just take a look at Siri’s Christmas classic?
37:03Siri, you’re drooping?
37:09Don’t point at me, everybody laughed – Siri, don’t you believe in yourself? – Nobody here has
37:15Including yourself? – It’s
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undefined:undefinedthat’s just how it is. Call me a racist
38:39Yes, I agree
38:42So, 2 points, 2 points for you.
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undefined:undefinedand not least, who is the season’s winner
40:51Now all excitement will be resolved. First we’ll see how this competition and the whole night went tonight
40:58We’ll also reveal the totalised winner, Olli, take us through the first one
41:02You scored very varied at this chimney, there was one person who got 0 presents into it
41:08That was you, Maria. 0 presents – Yes, I gave up. I rather wanted to see what was inside the presents
41:15That’s the last place, Bård, you also, you only got 1 presents – Yes, that was totally pathetic – Yes, it was, no need to defend it
41:21Calle and Vegard, shared 2nd place with 4 presents, and on the 1st place, Siri with 5 presents, very good
41:29Then we can get the score board up – That actually means that today’s winner, let’s look at the board. It’s Calle
41:36Who gets to go home with today’s prizes and not least gets points for today’s best hair style
41:43But it’s a lot more important to see who’s the totalised winner through 10 painful shows
41:52Yes, it is ladies and gentlemen, let’s get the score board up and look at the totalised winner
41:58It’s Vegard, he gets to go home with the 1st prize. Come forward and take this bust made from gold of me
42:07There you go. Now you can make out with the bust – Oh, it’s heavy
42:12Congratulations – Thank you – Now you can kiss the bust
42:18We congratulate Vegard with a brand-new bust of me which he can put above the fireplace or on his nightstand
42:25Thanks for watching and thanks so my secretary, Olli Wermskog and not least thanks to the participants
42:33Goodbye, and Merry Christmas – Merry Christmas