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00:00Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.
00:06And then one day he was shooting at some food, and up through the ground come a bubbling crude.
00:12Oil, that is. Black gold. Texas tea.
00:17Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
00:20The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there.
00:23Said, California's the place you ought to be.
00:25So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly.
00:29Hills, that is. Swimming pools. Movie stars.
00:34The Beverly Hillbillies!
00:36Now come along and visit with the Clampett family, as they learn the simple pleasures of the hills of Beverly.
01:02That includes the products of your sponsor of the week.
01:05The cereals of Kellogg's. Kellogg's of Battle Creek.
01:09K-E-double-L-O-double-good. Kellogg's best to you.
01:32My doggy Granny, you sure you're doing some high-powered rocking?
01:45I'm doing some high-powered thinking. Thinking and rocking goes together.
01:50Well, tell me, Granny, what is this problem that's got you to rocking so?
01:56It's us, Jed. We don't belong out here.
02:01These la-dee-da city folks don't want our kind around.
02:04Well, whatever put that notion in your head?
02:07Well, here it is pert near Christmas.
02:10Back home, folks should be stopping by, passing the time of day, fetching presents and hefting a friendly jug with us.
02:19Well, you've got to remember one thing, Granny.
02:21Back home, we know what everybody and everybody know what us.
02:24Out here, we ain't much acquainted yet.
02:26You can't get acquainted with these folks out here. I've been trying all morning.
02:29I put on my friendly hat, brung out my rocker and a jug of hard cider.
02:35And I've been sitting here waving and hollering at folks and pointing to my jug.
02:42And nobody stopped?
02:43Only a policeman. That's where my jug went. He took it to the police station.
02:49I bet you've got a bunch of friends down there by now.
02:53Might as well face it, Jed. We ain't got as many friends out here as a horse has toes.
02:59Looks like you spoke too soon, Granny.
03:01You ought to come, Ms. Drysdale, and she's fetching a present.
03:06Morning, Ms. Drysdale.
03:07Will you please take this animal and keep it here?
03:10Well, thank you very kindly.
03:12And will you please tell Ellie Mae that we have a pet ordinance?
03:16Well, I'd rather not. She'll be wanting one.
03:19Come on, sit down, Ms. Drysdale.
03:21We'll chew the fat and heft a jug together.
03:24Thirty thousand people in Beverly Hills.
03:27How did I get you as my neighbors?
03:30Just lucky, I guess.
03:32If I find any more animals in my flower garden, I will give them to the police.
03:38They wouldn't appreciate it.
03:40Why, they took my jug without so much as a thank you, buy your leave, or kiss my foot.
03:46I do hope the new year will be better.
03:49Well, thank you, and the best wishes to you, too.
03:54Granny, you've got to admit, I was right friendly.
03:56Nice fat little goat, too.
04:00You can stop your fretting, Thelma.
04:02Pa's done found your baby.
04:04Her and Earl and Albert and me have been looking all over the house for that little rascal.
04:08Oh, Ellie Mae, is this your baby goat?
04:10Well, Thelma is her ma, but there's both mine.
04:13Come on, everybody, let's go swimming.
04:15Well, if that ain't a new low in gift giving, I'll put in with you.
04:20Gettin' our own goat give to us.
04:23Hey, don't get riled up yet.
04:25Here comes some more friends.
04:27Well, that's the bus fetching Jethro home from pot school.
04:30In the middle of the morning?
04:32Oh, and look who's driving.
04:34Miss Millicent Schuyler Potts herself.
04:37Reckon she's come to visit.
04:46Howdy there, Miss Potts.
04:47Good morning, Mr. Clampett.
04:49Granny, I wonder if I could have a talk with you.
04:52Hey, you betcha.
04:54You see, Granny, she's come to visit.
04:58Granny, can I have some vittles?
04:59What'd you do with your school lunch?
05:01Oh, I ate that at recess.
05:03All right, help yourself.
05:05Oh, bye, Miss Potts.
05:06Thanks for the ride.
05:08You want to come into the kitchen and have some grits and jowls with Jethro while we visit?
05:11Uh, no, thank you.
05:13Well, set yourself.
05:15You can have a bench, a bucket, or a rocker.
05:17You know, what I have to say is quite brief.
05:19It's simply that Jethro has become my number one problem student.
05:24Well, did you hear that, Granny?
05:26You deserve all the credit, Miss Potts.
05:28I beg your pardon?
05:30Well, when Jethro started in your school,
05:32he couldn't sigh for a problem for shucks.
05:34But now he's number one?
05:36Come on into the house.
05:38We'll heft a jug on that.
05:39Really, you don't understand.
05:41Your nephew is a most disrupting influence.
05:46Well, let me put it this way.
05:48It will not be necessary for Jethro to return to school after the holidays.
05:53That's smart, is he?
05:55You done it, Miss Potts.
05:57Why, back home, he couldn't even keep up with his class.
06:00And here he is, graduating ahead of everybody.
06:03No, no, please.
06:05I'll get the jug.
06:06No, Jethro.
06:07No, Jethro is not graduating.
06:09He is being expelled.
06:13Oh, I don't know how to say this,
06:15but Jethro is ruining my school.
06:18And I do not want him to return.
06:20Well, for not knowing how, you said it pretty plain.
06:24Jethro ain't good enough for you, huh?
06:26What?
06:27Simmer down.
06:29Well, you can keep your old private school.
06:31Jethro has been there a whole year
06:33and you haven't even made him a private.
06:35You couldn't even make him a private.
06:37You couldn't even get him into the Army.
06:40Take that, cheater.
06:42Jethro's too good for you.
06:44And you, you think you're a teacher?
06:46I don't care no more.
06:47You can't even spell cat.
06:56See, Herman?
06:57You just keep your feet a-movin'
06:58like Gertrude's a-doin'.
07:00If a rooster can swim,
07:02so can a turkey gobbler.
07:04How about it, Herman?
07:05You willing to try?
07:07Well, let's shake hands on it.
07:11Attaboy.
07:17Come back here, you vile beast.
07:20Come here with my begonia.
07:22Listen, Georgia,
07:23I sure would appreciate if you wouldn't chase Thelma.
07:26It shakes her all up.
07:27Ah!
07:28Help!
07:29Get this thing off me!
07:31I'm going to call the police
07:32and have all these animals taken away.
07:35Why, they ain't done nothing.
07:37This is Beverly Hills, not a jungle.
07:40They shall all be locked up in cages.
07:43Don't do that, please.
07:45They wouldn't be happy all caged up.
07:47But I won't be happy until they are.
07:53That vicious dog is going to attack me.
07:56Get away!
08:05Who is that in the cement pond?
08:07But that's Miss Droughtdale.
08:10Look, kid.
08:11She's trying to steal Ellie's chicken.
08:13Probably wants to give us that for New Year's.
08:17You get your chicken pickin' hands off our livestock.
08:36Margaret, I'm very busy.
08:38I haven't time to listen to goat stories.
08:41Stop sneezing.
08:43What pool?
08:45With your clothes on?
08:47I thought you were having
08:48some of your bridge club ladies over this afternoon.
08:51Well, stop sapling the punch.
08:53Or I'll call you back.
08:55Gesundheit.
08:57Aren't you about through?
08:59You haven't finished dictating.
09:01Not you.
09:02Him.
09:03Listen.
09:04If you don't stay still, I can't do anything.
09:08Go away. Leave me alone.
09:10So, Mr. Droughtdale's our friend, is he?
09:13That didn't sound very friendly to me.
09:16Go away.
09:20We'll go away.
09:21But not until you fill these sacks
09:23with our money to tote with us.
09:25Uncle Jed's got $40 million in your bank
09:27and we got four sacks.
09:28Dividing four into 40,
09:29that figures to $10 million in each sack.
09:30Whee!
09:31Listen to that boy cipher.
09:33That's one thing we're gonna miss about Beverly Hills.
09:35Guess we're getting a fine education.
09:37What are you talking about?
09:38Where are you going?
09:39We're going back home, Mr. Droughtdale.
09:41You mean for Christmas?
09:42No, ma'am, for good.
09:44What?
09:45We gotta face up to the truth.
09:47Where's out of place here
09:48is four cobs and a cream crock.
09:51All right, young'uns.
09:52Take those sacks down to where they keep our money
09:54and come in filling them up.
09:55Now, wait. Listen. Come back.
09:57Oh, get out of my way.
09:58Quickly, come with me.
10:00Now, wait right here and don't move.
10:02Oh.
10:03Measure him up for a complete, uh,
10:05vestito nuovo.
10:07Oh, si, si.
10:21Well, little man,
10:23you're fixing to tie me up.
10:25That ain't enough rope and you ain't enough man.
10:27I couldn't catch them, chief.
10:29Well, phone down.
10:30Have them lock the outside doors.
10:32But it isn't closing time.
10:34It will be if the clappers withdraw their money.
10:37Now, if you ever get to be this big,
10:39draw me again.
10:42Signor Droughtdale, aiutatemi.
10:44What did you do that for?
10:45He was fixing to tie Gedo.
10:47Spunky little feller
10:49threw this kibble rope around me real brave.
10:50No, no, he was just measuring you for a new suit.
10:52A Christmas present for me.
10:54Oh, help me get him down.
10:55You film a sack up for me.
10:57I got a few words to say to Mr. Drysdale before we go.
11:00Granny, this little fellow
11:02was just fixing to sew me up some clothes
11:04like you done for Mr. Drysdale here.
11:07Shame on you for doing woman's work.
11:09And bad, too.
11:11You call this sewing?
11:13I am closed with my life.
11:15I'm not a woman.
11:17I'm a man.
11:19Why, them clothes wouldn't hold together
11:21in a stout wind.
11:24Don't you sash me, little man.
11:26I'll hang you back on that hook.
11:28No, no, I haven't got time.
11:30Granny, they won't give us your money.
11:32Let's get the guns off in the truck.
11:34Hey, we going to feud the bank?
11:36Down to the last man.
11:38Wait, wait, wait. Let's talk. It's over.
11:40It's too late for talking. We is feuding.
11:42Now, Granny, he's talking
11:44before we's doing any feuding.
11:46Uncle Ted, Granny.
11:48I got it.
11:50I just captured me the first prisoner.
11:52Turn her loose.
11:54But she's one of the bank people.
11:56Maybe she can get our money for us.
11:58Can you? No, I can't.
12:00I can't. Just don't come to me.
12:02Oh, Granny.
12:04I got me a prisoner, too.
12:06Ayuda. Ayuda.
12:08Throw him back, Ellie.
12:10Even if he was to tell us where the money is,
12:12we wouldn't know what he was saying.
12:14Please, Mr. Clapper, let's talk this over.
12:16We will.
12:18We's going to have a confab.
12:20Your Uncle Ted told you to turn her loose.
12:22Now, do it.
12:27Oh, shucks.
12:29Somebody's always taking the fun out of feuding.
12:32Then along come his pots
12:34and expelled Jethro out of her school.
12:36And him the number one student.
12:38Just your ciphering problems, Granny.
12:40Oh, I won the football championship
12:42for the sixth grade, too.
12:44Yeah. Who was it you beat in that last game, Jethro?
12:46Uh, some outfit.
12:48It was, uh, the Rams.
12:51Believe me,
12:53I can explain everything that's happened.
12:55You can?
12:57Yes, I can.
12:59Well, how about your wife said
13:01she was going to lock up all my critters
13:03and mean-mouthed me when I pulled her out of the pond?
13:05Oh, I can explain it.
13:07No, I have a better idea.
13:09I'll have my wife and Mrs. Potts
13:11talk to you themselves and they can explain it.
13:13They can?
13:15They can and they will.
13:16Yes, sir.
13:18I'll leave my desk, Mr. Reno.
13:20Mr. Clanton.
13:22Granny, Jethro, Ellie May.
13:24It's almost Christmas.
13:26Peace on Earth.
13:28Goodwill toward men.
13:30Especially to bankers.
13:32Now, please go back to your home.
13:34That is, the home in Beverly Hills.
13:36And everything will be explained
13:38to your satisfaction.
13:40Well, that seems fair.
13:42Come on, family, let's go.
13:44Oh, thank you, thank you.
13:46Now, go home.
13:48If you see anything you want for Christmas,
13:50just pick it up and charge it to me.
13:52Hot diggity dog!
13:58Come on, old good yet, I done picked up my present.
14:05Oh, yes, you will.
14:09And if I refuse?
14:11If you refuse,
14:13the only thing you will find in your stocking
14:14on Christmas morning is your foot.
14:16I'm married to a bourgeois beast.
14:19You are married to a desperate banker.
14:22And now, I'll reason with you, Mrs. Potts.
14:25Let me start by reminding you
14:27that I hold a mortgage on your building.
14:30So?
14:32So, how would you like to have
14:34the only private school in Beverly Hills
14:36holding classes on the sidewalk?
14:39This is blackmail.
14:41This is extortion.
14:42So?
14:44So,
14:46I'll do it.
14:48All right.
14:50Now, here's what you're going to tell Jed Clampett.
14:53So, you see, Mr. Clampett,
14:55I expelled Jethro so that I could
14:58come here every evening
15:00and give him private instruction.
15:02Won't there be a lot of extra trouble for you,
15:04Miss Potts?
15:06Oh, nothing is too much trouble
15:08if it brings me nearer to the man
15:10who's captured my fancy.
15:12Who's that, ma'am?
15:14Oh, Mr. Clampett.
15:16Can't you guess?
15:18No, ma'am. The only menfolks around here
15:20are Jethro and me.
15:22You see Jethro every day, and that only leaves...
15:30Yes.
15:32I must say it.
15:34I'm forced to say it.
15:37It's you.
15:38But, uh, you could...
15:42But you're a fine, educated, high-class
15:44big city school teacher.
15:46But I'm also a woman.
15:49And you're a man.
15:51Yeah, I gotta go along with you on that,
15:53but...
15:55Huh?
15:57And the kind of a man I've always been attracted to.
15:59Raw bone, shy,
16:02clean cut.
16:04But basically,
16:05very, very
16:07masculine.
16:13Well, doggies.
16:36Come on, dear.
16:38Oh, Milford, no, no!
16:40Oh, Margaret, yes, yes.
16:42Now, Granny is lonesome.
16:44She doesn't have any friends.
16:46Your bridge club is the answer.
16:48Granny doesn't even play bridge.
16:50But you're going to teach Granny to play bridge.
16:52Home, quickly!
16:54Oh, now, dear.
16:56It's not going to be as bad as all that.
16:58You'll have Mrs. Potts to help you,
17:00and Jane Hathaway, too.
17:02But even if she learns to play bridge,
17:03how could I possibly present
17:05that homespun hillbilly to my club?
17:07Miss Hathaway is taking care of that.
17:09Granny will look fine.
17:11Oh, come in, come in.
17:17You are just in time to see your hostess
17:20and her beautiful new hostess gown.
17:22Granny?
17:24Entrez vous!
17:31Oh, Granny.
17:33You are a vision
17:35of a chic Beverly Hills hostess
17:37from your head right down to your...
17:40My bloomers are showing again.
17:42This thing ain't sewed together properly.
17:44Granny, those smart capris are supposed to show.
17:47But where are your beautiful pumps?
17:49They were pumped up too high.
17:51I fell off of them twice.
17:53Well, your feet won't show under the bridge table.
17:55What kind of a table?
17:57Bridge.
17:59Mrs. Drysdale here and some of her friends
18:01are going to play bridge with you.
18:03Who said?
18:05She said.
18:07My wife has a club.
18:09Well, she better have more in the club
18:11if she's going to walk on me.
18:13No, no, Granny.
18:15Bridge is a game, a card game.
18:17A fun game.
18:19Now, Margaret, you and Miss Hathaway
18:21take Granny into the card room
18:23and get things ready.
18:25I'll send in Miss Potts.
18:27Where is she?
18:29Her and Jed are sparking in the parlor.
18:31Here's a little verse I made up for you
18:33and I hope you'll like it.
18:38Oh, my darling, oh, my darling
18:41Oh, my darling Millie Saint
18:44Just to see me every evening
18:47To such trouble you have went
18:56You expelled my nephew Jethro
18:59Just to give you a excuse
19:01And your mind said, don't you do it
19:04But your heart yelled, what's the use?
19:13I'm a man and you're a woman
19:16You yourself did help and say
19:19Now you got my heart to wondering
19:22Are you the ma for Ellie May?
19:26Oh, oh, Mr. Drysdale.
19:28Don't let me interrupt.
19:30No, no, no, no, no.
19:32I want you to come in
19:34and hear the perfectly divine ballad
19:36that Mr. Clampett has composed just for me.
19:38Where's your wife?
19:40Well, she's going to teach Granny to play bridge.
19:42They need a four, so I'd better get back.
19:44Oh, no, no, no.
19:46Three women and one man, unthinkable.
19:48Now you just stay right here
19:50and listen to Mr. Clampett's ballad.
19:52Oh, my darling.
19:54Oh, my darling.
19:56Oh, my dar...
19:59I'm sorry, Mr. Drysdale,
20:01but I feel like a darn fool singing this to you.
20:03You're right.
20:05Besides, I have some very exciting plans
20:07that'll keep you busy for the rest of the day.
20:09You do?
20:10Yes.
20:11I want you to be a guest at my club.
20:13We'll shoot a little golf.
20:15Oh, you mean go over to the golf pasture?
20:17We call it the country club.
20:18Uncle Jed, I don't want to watch
20:20them women play a sissy old card game.
20:22Well, why don't you come with us, Jethro?
20:24We're going to shoot some golf.
20:26Yeah, I'd like that.
20:28But you ain't going to go shooting
20:30in your court clothes, are you?
20:32No, I reckon I'd best change.
20:34Mr. Drysdale, no use you waiting for us.
20:36Jethro and me will meet you there.
20:38All right, Jethro.
20:40I'll see you at the country club
20:42and meet me in the locker room.
20:44I'll have some golf clothes for you to change into.
20:46Oh, yes, sir. Thank you.
20:48Hold it right there.
20:50You done give us 12 cards.
20:52That's right.
20:53You fix you to give us one more?
20:54Yes.
20:55Each player receives 13 cards.
20:57Not this player.
20:58Nobody gives me 13 or nothing.
21:00But, Granny, that's the way Bridge is played.
21:02Not by me.
21:04Give me your lucky dozen.
21:05You keep the rest.
21:07Oh, please, please.
21:09Let's all just play with 12 cards.
21:12No.
21:13Take the other card, Granny.
21:15I might give you a slam.
21:16Why, you!
21:18No, Bridget.
21:20No, no.
21:29Well, here we are.
21:31These two lockers are for you and Jethro.
21:33Some of these clothes in there.
21:35I got them for you.
21:37Now, I want you to change into these clothes
21:39before we play golf.
21:41Then we'll spend a nice relaxing half hour
21:43in the steam room over there.
21:44Yes, sir.
21:45Now, put your old clothes inside the locker
21:47and close the door.
21:48I'll see you outside.
21:52Well, Jethro, you're younger and more willowy than me.
21:55You try it first.
21:57Yes, sir, Uncle James.
22:03You all right, Jethro?
22:05I can't move, let alone change clothes.
22:09These city fellas sure must be runts.
22:11What are we going to do?
22:12Well, one thing's certain,
22:14we can't strip naked out here in the hall.
22:16Tell you what,
22:18let's go over there into that steam room
22:20and wait for Mr. Drysdale.
22:21Sure.
22:26Can't see nothing through this little windy.
22:28Well, let's just go on in.
22:37Boy, Uncle Jethro,
22:39it sure is hot in here.
22:40Right smart humid, too.
22:43Hey, look over here.
22:45There's rose benches going up,
22:47just like in a theater.
22:49Well, let's climb up to top,
22:51get us a good seat, wait for the show.
23:03Well, it's about time you menfolks was getting home.
23:08Let's get going.
23:10Get ready and head for the hills.
23:12What happened?
23:13Something go wrong with the bridge game?
23:15Sure enough did.
23:16Granny got riled, busted it up.
23:18What riled you, Granny?
23:19Well, first off,
23:20them other women wanted me
23:22to put my cards down on the table
23:24so all of them could see them.
23:26That don't hardly seem fair.
23:27Of course it don't.
23:29And when I asked them why,
23:31they said because you're the dummy.
23:34Ain't nobody calls Granny a dummy
23:36and gets away with it.
23:38You better believe it.
23:40That's what menfolks make out
23:41at that there country club.
23:43Pitiful, just pitiful.
23:45Granny, they got the hottest,
23:46steamiest theater there is.
23:48If that wasn't bad enough,
23:50they put on the worst show ever, did she?
23:51That's a fact.
23:53Nothing but a bunch of fat old men
23:54parading around wrapped in towels.
23:57And not even no music.
23:59Pitiful, just pitiful.
24:01Barely hills can keep
24:03their unfriendly city people.
24:05Come on, Ellie Mae,
24:06I want to get into some decent clothes
24:07and head for back home.
24:08Yeah, we better do that too, Jethro.
24:10These are kind of shrank up and soggy.
24:16Jingle bells, jingle bells,
24:17jingle all the way.
24:19Oh, what fun it is to ride
24:21in a one-horse open sleigh.
24:23Jingle bells, jingle bells,
24:25jingle all the way.
24:27Oh, what fun it is to ride
24:29in a one-horse open sleigh.
24:32We wish you a merry Christmas,
24:34we wish you a merry Christmas,
24:36we wish you a merry Christmas
24:38and a happy new year.
24:41We wish you a merry Christmas,
24:43we wish you a merry Christmas,
24:45we wish you a merry Christmas
24:47and a happy new year.
25:01Merry Christmas.