SUMMER and Lucy met five years ago on an online dating app. After hitting it off right away, the couple soon made it official. As the relationship became serious, Summer began discussing the idea of having an open relationship due to her fear of only having one sole partner. Lucy agreed to the open relationship but struggled with jealousy in its early stages. Lucy had never been in a serious relationship and was worried about what others would think: "I was nervous going into the open relationship because non-monogamy is not the norm in most relationships." One of the biggest adjustments to the relationship dynamic for the couple has been Summer’s decision to transition to a woman. Summer had been exploring her femininity since 2015 and in 2020 finally decided to transition. Summer was initially nervous about how it might change the relationship, but Lucy has been her greatest support, "seeing Summer’s appearance change throughout her transition has been really wonderful to see." One of the biggest factors in the couple’s recent dating life has been the adjustment to the social changes of Summer dating as a woman. "It was like going from 0 to 100 from one side of the dating pool straight to the other side and having to adjust to the way women are treated in dating." Transitioning has also allowed Summer freedom to explore her bisexuality, and the couple are now happier than ever before. In the episode, we meet Lucy’s long-term friend Kyra. Kyra has been concerned for Lucy’s mental health and Summer’s intentions, and the couple is intrigued to hear if she still feels the same.
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FunTranscript
00:00 This is Summer.
00:02 She fell in love with Lucy.
00:05 They've always had an open relationship,
00:08 but Lucy has struggled sharing her partner.
00:11 There certainly were some jealousy issues,
00:13 specifically from my side.
00:14 And a few years into their relationship,
00:17 a big change in Summer's life altered their relationship.
00:21 I first realized I wanted to transition in 2020.
00:26 This led to some colorful interactions
00:29 when online dating.
00:30 Would you be interested in making POV [BLEEP] with me?
00:34 Men looking to make an experiment out of me
00:36 because they've never been with a trans woman.
00:38 Just blatantly creepy.
00:40 Today, Lucy's friend will sit down with the couple
00:44 to discuss her views on the unconventional setup.
00:47 I've been dying to know, what were your thoughts
00:50 when you found out that we had an open relationship?
00:54 I'm Summer.
00:54 And I'm Lucy.
00:56 And we've been together for five years.
00:58 We met online on a dating app.
01:00 I found Summer's profile and thought he, at the time,
01:04 was very funny.
01:05 So I swiped yes.
01:07 We got to chatting.
01:08 And then about a week later, we went on a little lunch date.
01:12 And things progressed from there.
01:14 Looks good.
01:15 Yeah?
01:15 I started experimenting with women's clothing and makeup
01:18 and just feminine expression in general in 2015.
01:21 It was my first year of university.
01:24 I came to a much more open space than what my hometown was.
01:29 This was very much my party and first year of university phase.
01:33 Clothes were definitely part of that awareness
01:35 and discovery of myself.
01:38 Remember how little I used to care about clothing?
01:40 Yeah, as a man, you had a particular style
01:44 that you wore every day.
01:45 And that was actually kind of my depression wear.
01:47 It was just jeans and button-down shirts
01:51 because they concealed the shape of my body.
01:53 In 2020, we were still pretty deep in lockdowns.
01:57 You grew out the hair on your head
01:59 because you couldn't get haircuts.
02:00 Everybody looked like a mess.
02:01 All the hairdressers were closed.
02:03 I like to think that was one of the tipping points for when
02:05 I decided to transition.
02:07 I was nervous about how it might shake up the relationship.
02:14 I was wondering if she would stick with me through that.
02:17 He answers yes, apparently.
02:18 I'm still here.
02:19 She's still here for some reason.
02:21 Why are you still here?
02:22 Because I love you.
02:23 I love you.
02:26 I did have a few concerns going into it
02:29 when I came out to my family.
02:31 Once the initial shock wore off that my parents didn't
02:35 have a son anymore, they now had a lovely daughter,
02:38 they realized that this was something that made me happy
02:41 and I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
02:43 At one point, I was also asked, well,
02:45 now that you're both women, who does the proposing,
02:47 if that ever happens?
02:49 I don't think we figured that one out either.
02:51 No, we don't know.
02:53 Seeing Simon's appearance change throughout her transition
02:56 has been really wonderful to see because, as I'm sure
03:02 most trans people will know, those early days of transition
03:06 are really just magical.
03:09 We've had an open relationship right from the beginning.
03:13 My past relationships were non-monogamous.
03:15 I decided that monogamy just wasn't
03:17 working for me ever again.
03:19 Simon was my first serious relationship.
03:21 I was nervous going into the open relationship.
03:24 Because non-monogamy is not the norm in most relationships,
03:28 it's not like we have a social script for how to behave.
03:32 For us in our relationship, we're
03:34 allowed to seek out other people,
03:37 but we're not looking for relationships
03:41 other than our own.
03:42 There are so many ways transitioning
03:47 has changed my love life.
03:48 I get a lot more attention nowadays, especially from men.
03:53 Not all of it has been welcome.
03:55 It was like going from 0 to 100, from one side of the dating
03:59 pool straight to the other side and having
04:01 to just adjust to the way women are treated in dating.
04:04 But on the positive side, I've also
04:06 discovered my own bisexuality.
04:08 As a boy growing up, you were told
04:12 it's wrong to be attracted to men, but you're not a man.
04:16 Transitioning has allowed you freedom from that.
04:19 It feels like a cheat code.
04:21 I have negative experiences with online dating.
04:24 Men looking to make an experiment out of me
04:26 because they've never been with a trans woman,
04:28 but are just blatantly creepy about it.
04:31 So we got this guy.
04:33 He popped up in both of our inboxes
04:35 with exactly the same message.
04:37 Would you be interested in making POV [BLEEP] with me?
04:44 Real charming guy.
04:46 Today, our friend Kyra is coming over
04:48 to share her opinion on our open relationship.
04:51 And I'm intrigued to hear what she has to say.
04:54 At the beginning of our relationship,
04:56 I spoke to Kyra about jealousy issues
04:58 I was having at the time.
05:00 And I wanted to see how she's feeling about where I am now.
05:07 I think at times she's been worried
05:08 about my mental health.
05:12 Hi.
05:13 Hi.
05:14 How are you?
05:15 Good, and you?
05:15 I'm good.
05:17 Kyra, I've been dying to know, what
05:20 were your thoughts when you found out
05:21 that we had an open relationship?
05:23 Well, I was a little concerned because it
05:26 was Lucy's first relationship.
05:28 And also, you were a man.
05:29 So red flags.
05:31 [LAUGHS]
05:33 Yeah.
05:34 And I think your transition as well
05:36 played a big role in that open relationship stabilizing.
05:40 Once you were in the role that you were more comfortable in
05:43 and you were able to explore that together,
05:46 you were less toxic as a woman.
05:47 [LAUGHTER]
05:49 I'm really toxic.
05:51 It doesn't feel like a man chasing after all the women
05:55 he can get and a girlfriend not doing that.
05:58 We're two girlfriends, and we don't pursue other people
06:03 with that much frequency anyway.
06:06 I've seen you, Summer, be more open to emotional vulnerability
06:11 and engaging on that level.
06:12 So I think you guys have really improved each other.
06:15 [LAUGHS]
06:16 We're in a really good place.
06:18 It's been really lovely to be your friend
06:21 and to be with you guys through these experiences
06:24 and in the end to grow closer together.
06:26 I'm kind of sad.
06:27 You feel like you are the best.
06:28 You know that?
06:29 You are the best, best, best.
06:30 And we're going to keep you our friend, huh?
06:33 I cannot pick a single thing that I love about Lucy.
06:36 She's wonderful, and I want to spend forever with her
06:38 at the end.
06:39 Your turn.
06:41 You are the full package.
06:44 You're funny.
06:45 You're sweet.
06:46 You're caring.
06:47 You're beautiful.
06:48 I feel like you're always on my team,
06:52 willing to work through things.
06:54 And I feel like you can't cope with me complimenting you
06:59 so much.
07:01 Anyway, I love you.
07:02 I love you so much.
07:03 What would you say to those who judge trans women?
07:07 [BLEEP] off.
07:08 [LAUGHS]
07:11 [BLANK_AUDIO]