Scream VI - Blackballed - video Dailymotion

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Scream VI - Blackballed

Transcript

00:00:00 [ Music ]

00:00:10 >> June 12th, 1993, the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic,

00:00:14 one of the darkest days in paintball history.

00:00:16 It was a day that Bobby Dukes cheated.

00:00:19 I'll use the blue here, man, for Bobby, because back then he was,

00:00:25 you know, kind of a jerk.

00:00:26 But the crowd loved him.

00:00:28 Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.

00:00:31 Man, he could move.

00:00:32 He could run, shoot, you name it.

00:00:34 And he was great at it.

00:00:35 He was unstoppable.

00:00:38 But, you know, it kind of went to his head.

00:00:40 It was the finals.

00:00:41 Only three players left in the field.

00:00:43 Zombie on the welts.

00:00:44 Bobby and his teammate Sam Brown on the other side, the River Rats.

00:00:48 Sam and Bobby make the crucial mistake of going to the same bunker.

00:00:52 And Zombie starts raining paint on them.

00:00:54 He was merciless.

00:00:55 It's nonstop.

00:00:57 Bobby yells at Sam to cover him and makes a dash for the flag.

00:01:00 But then, boom, a direct hit.

00:01:02 And that's when it happened.

00:01:04 I saw Bobby wipe it off as quick as it hit.

00:01:07 Bobby Dukes was wiping.

00:01:08 He was wiping.

00:01:10 Wiping in paintball is one of the most serious crimes.

00:01:13 No one ever wants to play with a wiper.

00:01:16 I ran over to call him out, but Bobby kept on playing.

00:01:19 I couldn't believe what was happening.

00:01:21 He wiped. He cheated.

00:01:23 His career was over.

00:01:25 During the commotion, Sam forgets the game is still in play.

00:01:28 He jumps out from behind the bunker.

00:01:30 What a stupid move.

00:01:32 So Zombie, of course, takes advantage, pops them.

00:01:35 Boom, boom, boom.

00:01:37 Grabs the flag and wins the game.

00:01:39 The crowd was stunned.

00:01:42 People started booing.

00:01:44 They couldn't believe what they were seeing.

00:01:46 Everyone is in total disarray.

00:01:50 Everyone leaves the field, and Bobby's just left there all alone.

00:01:54 Sitting there.

00:01:56 He doesn't say anything.

00:01:58 Then he got up and started walking.

00:02:03 Didn't look anyone in the eye.

00:02:07 And then Bobby Dukes just disappeared.

00:02:13 (MUSIC)

00:02:16 (MUSIC)

00:02:19 (MUSIC)

00:02:22 (MUSIC)

00:02:25 (MUSIC)

00:02:28 (crickets chirping)

00:02:31 (crickets chirping)

00:02:34 (heavy breathing)

00:02:52 (heavy breathing)

00:02:55 (crickets chirping)

00:03:15 (screaming)

00:03:17 - Okay, okay, okay, you all right?

00:03:19 (screaming)

00:03:21 Where'd I get you?

00:03:22 - My leg!

00:03:24 - Oh.

00:03:25 (laughing)

00:03:29 Are you okay?

00:03:31 Are you okay?

00:03:33 Oh, you're not wearing anything, are you?

00:03:34 You're wearing like a cup or anything?

00:03:35 I should've given you a cup, I'm sorry.

00:03:38 Are you all right?

00:03:38 - I can't have kids, it's your fault.

00:03:42 - Come here, come on, come on, come on up here.

00:03:44 Come on, you're okay.

00:03:47 You're all right, come on.

00:03:48 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

00:03:50 - What do you mean?

00:03:52 - Is your safety on?

00:03:54 Put your safety on.

00:03:55 - I had it on 'cause I didn't wanna hurt you.

00:03:58 - Are you okay?

00:04:00 That's a...

00:04:04 I didn't mean to hit you there, I went to hit higher.

00:04:08 You know, I'm used to the little,

00:04:10 you know, the little pump guns.

00:04:11 This is, this is like,

00:04:14 so soft, you know?

00:04:16 So, so supple.

00:04:19 - My body's changing.

00:04:21 - Wow.

00:04:23 Are you okay?

00:04:27 Do you have a welt or anything?

00:04:28 Does it really stink?

00:04:29 - It stings, it does.

00:04:30 - Sorry, I had it turned down really low.

00:04:33 - Luckily no one sees me over there, so.

00:04:35 - What?

00:04:36 - Well, Bobby used to play paintball

00:04:43 and he was really big and really famous

00:04:46 and the best around.

00:04:48 And he was in lots of magazines

00:04:50 and the pressure was really a lot.

00:04:54 He was playing the classic and,

00:04:57 and, you know, he did what a lot of people would do

00:05:03 in a crunch and he wasn't ready to be out of the game,

00:05:08 so he wiped.

00:05:09 People are gonna be so happy to see you back here

00:05:13 and in the game and telling you.

00:05:15 - I hope so.

00:05:17 - I hope so, you think so?

00:05:18 - Yes, I do, I really do.

00:05:20 - I mean, I'm nervous.

00:05:21 I've made a lot of enemies, you know?

00:05:24 - It's been a long time.

00:05:25 He's gonna get a team together to go and play

00:05:29 and he wants to win.

00:05:30 I think it means, I think it means a lot to him

00:05:35 to take it back, you know what I mean?

00:05:38 To wipe, oh, I shouldn't say that word.

00:05:40 To clear everything that happened before

00:05:43 and start over again.

00:05:45 - Bobby Dukes is back!

00:05:47 (bird squawking)

00:05:49 (cheering)

00:05:52 - Well, after the classic, I was pretty humiliated,

00:05:55 you know, and I just wanted to be out of here,

00:05:57 anywhere but here, you know?

00:05:59 So I took off.

00:06:00 About a week later, I ended up down in Venezuela.

00:06:04 I met this guy named Needles, Mr. Needles,

00:06:08 and a really interesting guy, he's this black albino.

00:06:11 And he was going to West Africa to work on the oil rigs

00:06:16 and so I thought, great, I'll come along.

00:06:18 It was a great schedule, you know,

00:06:19 one month on, one month off.

00:06:20 I could travel.

00:06:22 So that's what I did, you know?

00:06:22 I worked on oil rigs and traveled around.

00:06:25 I've been to 140, 141 countries

00:06:30 because, you know, some countries split apart

00:06:35 and then they come back together again.

00:06:36 I don't know whether to count those as countries or not.

00:06:39 You know?

00:06:40 And now with the whole European Union thing, fuck,

00:06:42 I don't know.

00:06:43 (thunder rumbling)

00:06:45 - Billy, there's somebody here to see you.

00:06:53 (gun firing)

00:06:57 - Bobby Duce!

00:06:58 (laughing)

00:07:00 (gun firing)

00:07:01 You son of a bitch!

00:07:03 Son of a bitch!

00:07:05 (laughing)

00:07:07 - My name is Bill Henry.

00:07:08 I am the commander of Liberty Paintball, New York State.

00:07:13 I have the responsibility of being a father figure,

00:07:17 mother figure, mentor, and guru.

00:07:22 They're my babies, they're my puppies.

00:07:24 I'm here to help them learn the great art of paintball.

00:07:28 - My dogs, listen up!

00:07:30 Unless you have been living underneath the rock

00:07:34 for the last 10 years, you already know the one,

00:07:38 the only, the incredible Bobby Duce.

00:07:41 When we are formed on an atomic level,

00:07:43 all these little tiny cells come together

00:07:46 in a very, very specific combination.

00:07:48 It's like boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

00:07:50 Might become you.

00:07:51 Boop, boop, boop, boop.

00:07:52 A different way, might become me.

00:07:53 Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

00:07:54 Another way, it might become Pat Sajak.

00:07:56 Once every 10,000 years or so,

00:07:58 these chromosomes come together in just a special way.

00:08:01 When it came together that day, that was Bobby Duce.

00:08:04 Jill is here.

00:08:05 - Mm-hmm.

00:08:06 - He sees over at Reebok that this is Watts Apparel.

00:08:09 No, this is Watts Apparel.

00:08:11 - No, I got a problem with the logo, yes,

00:08:12 because orange is, it's just way,

00:08:14 first of all, I'm seeing way too much black.

00:08:16 - Blue.

00:08:17 That'd be great.

00:08:20 - I'll play it back.

00:08:21 - Okay. - Okay.

00:08:21 - I don't give a shit.

00:08:22 This is out of my.

00:08:23 - Bobby?

00:08:29 - Hi, Jill.

00:08:31 - Yeah, hi.

00:08:34 Yeah, that's good.

00:08:37 That's great.

00:08:39 - You look great. - Thanks.

00:08:40 - You're blonde. - Yeah, I know.

00:08:41 - Louis LaCarre.

00:08:42 - And your eyes, you're.

00:08:43 - Are contact, well, no. - Wow.

00:08:45 - This one.

00:08:46 - Yeah.

00:08:47 But I like that, I like that.

00:08:48 - Thank you.

00:08:49 You look, you look all right.

00:08:50 You look good, I mean, all right.

00:08:53 You are. - I lost, yeah.

00:08:54 - Bobby was the celebrity.

00:08:57 Bobby was the celebrity and I was the eye candy.

00:09:02 I spent the first 20 years of my life

00:09:06 thinking about Bobby,

00:09:07 thinking about being Bobby's wife,

00:09:10 and being the mother of Bobby's kids,

00:09:12 and being Bobby's support system when he was on the field.

00:09:17 In the past 10 years, no, I haven't thought about Bobby.

00:09:21 I thought about me and Sam.

00:09:24 I live in LA.

00:09:26 I'm with Sam, I'm married to Sam.

00:09:28 Brown, Sam Brown.

00:09:31 - Seventh sign of the apocalypse, Bobby.

00:09:35 Just waiting for a little Damien to come aboard.

00:09:37 - Funny, funny.

00:09:38 - I should have known, that's great.

00:09:39 Congratulations. - It's amazing.

00:09:40 - You can tell Sam, I say. - It is amazing.

00:09:41 - How is he? - He is amazing.

00:09:44 Sam and I were meant to be together.

00:09:45 I mean, you know, he is, he's a star.

00:09:48 Now he's a star.

00:09:49 Sam loves me and Sam has always loved me.

00:09:52 And you know that Sam actually was never dating me,

00:09:55 but he remained celibate the entire time

00:10:00 that we weren't together.

00:10:02 He would write me notes that I wouldn't respond to

00:10:04 for the longest time because I was dedicated to Bobby

00:10:07 that would just say, I'm not fucking anyone,

00:10:10 but you in my head.

00:10:13 And I thought, after a while, how can I just reject that?

00:10:16 I mean, that is really, really, really dedication.

00:10:20 - It was great to see you.

00:10:22 What are you here? - Great to see you.

00:10:23 - You're here just a couple of days.

00:10:24 - No, I'm here for the classic.

00:10:25 I'm gonna play paintball.

00:10:27 That's a good time.

00:10:28 - I'm sorry, what?

00:10:30 - I'm here, I'm hopefully gonna play paintball

00:10:31 in the classic, put a team together.

00:10:34 (laughing)

00:10:36 - I really don't need to know basis.

00:10:38 This is Bobby's visit with me.

00:10:40 We will have some conference

00:10:41 without your interference at this time.

00:10:43 Thank you so much.

00:10:44 I think every bitch in the world just called.

00:10:46 They want their leader back.

00:10:48 Head to it, take your pull toy with you.

00:10:50 Stuart, so nice to see you once again.

00:10:52 - Okay, okay, okay. - You take care.

00:10:53 - Bill. - Ta-ta, I think, yeah.

00:10:55 - Bill, you and I, we will talk.

00:10:57 - You and I, never. - Okay.

00:10:59 - In your dreams, baby.

00:11:00 Thank you. - Okay.

00:11:02 Okay, and you, good luck.

00:11:05 Good luck.

00:11:06 Good luck.

00:11:07 (laughing)

00:11:09 - Okay.

00:11:10 - You people, this is not a gaga session.

00:11:12 This is not a male stripper show.

00:11:13 I know we're the most handsome two boys in the world.

00:11:16 Back to work, back to work, back to work,

00:11:17 back to work, back to work.

00:11:18 Okay? - Nice meeting you all.

00:11:20 - She is trying to turn the classic

00:11:22 into a whirlpool of bullshit.

00:11:24 - Well, she can't do that, it's your classic.

00:11:25 - Yeah. - It's as simple as that, right?

00:11:27 - Do you smell that smell?

00:11:28 - Yeah. - It's the smell

00:11:29 of green bullshit.

00:11:30 It's called money, it's called corporate money,

00:11:31 it's called greed, it's called dishonesty,

00:11:32 it's called no heart, it's called no brain, no balls.

00:11:35 It's called Joe Watson Brown.

00:11:37 Troops, this room is on D&D mode until further notice.

00:11:41 I would like to see 10 times more work

00:11:43 when I come out as when I came in.

00:11:44 Bobby, come in here.

00:11:46 You love me?

00:11:47 - Of course.

00:11:49 - Why the fuck are you here?

00:11:50 - What?

00:11:51 - Why the fuck are you physically manifested

00:11:55 after 10 years?

00:11:57 - Fans lifted, you know?

00:11:58 I can play.

00:12:01 - You go soft on me?

00:12:03 You still got it?

00:12:05 - I haven't picked up a gun in 10 years.

00:12:07 - Here's the team on the circuit.

00:12:09 Their name is Mayhem.

00:12:11 They're from Canada, which means--

00:12:14 - Which means you hate them.

00:12:16 - Well, don't put words in my mouth.

00:12:18 I think they suck, Bobby.

00:12:19 You show up in the team.

00:12:22 You beat Mayhem.

00:12:23 You are in the classic.

00:12:25 Do we have a deal, Bobby Jokes?

00:12:27 Now, I do this for you, you do something for me.

00:12:33 This will be your basic zero level elimination practice

00:12:38 with two exceptions.

00:12:41 Number one, present arms.

00:12:43 You have been issued your candy ass

00:12:46 nitrogen powered electronic weapons

00:12:48 with 200 rounds each.

00:12:50 Bobby Dukes, I am giving you four rounds.

00:12:54 One for your each attacker.

00:12:57 Bobby Dukes will be your primary and solitary objective.

00:13:03 Exception number two, with this temporary de-visualization,

00:13:08 Bobby will be unaware of your concealed positions.

00:13:12 Mask down, auto-conceal.

00:13:15 Go, go, go!

00:13:16 - Why does this bag smell like donuts?

00:13:23 - That is the smell of death.

00:13:25 That is the smell of the death of your failure.

00:13:27 That is the smell of the death of your defeat.

00:13:28 That is the smell of the death of your shame.

00:13:30 - Smells like donuts.

00:13:31 - This is a new day, Bobby Dukes.

00:13:33 Exceptional resurrections call for exceptional means.

00:13:38 You have two days, Bobby Dukes,

00:13:39 to get yourself back on the saddle of your former self.

00:13:42 You will not achieve that goal by splashing around

00:13:46 in the lower end of your pool of self-esteem.

00:13:49 - What is happening?

00:13:50 - My dogs, on my mark, we will commence.

00:13:52 Three, two, one.

00:13:54 (screaming)

00:13:57 - You got me!

00:13:58 (gunshots)

00:14:00 - Ow, fucking hell!

00:14:03 (gunshots)

00:14:05 - Shit!

00:14:08 (screaming)

00:14:11 (screaming)

00:14:19 - You're good!

00:14:21 Oh, you're good!

00:14:27 - You got your own softball.

00:14:30 You all right?

00:14:31 You're all right, you're all right.

00:14:36 - Good work, my dogs.

00:14:38 You feel that tingle in your gonads?

00:14:41 Welcome to the next level.

00:14:43 You have been bob-icide.

00:14:44 You've been duke-alated.

00:14:46 Bobby, congratulations.

00:14:47 - Hey, hey, congratulations to all of us.

00:14:51 - You're gonna do this, you son of a bitch.

00:14:53 You're gonna do it.

00:14:54 (laughing)

00:14:55 - He was running and I couldn't tell if he was,

00:14:57 you know, behind a bunker or laying on the ground.

00:15:00 - I couldn't see him anywhere.

00:15:02 Just like a ghost and then all of a sudden,

00:15:04 boom, right on my gun.

00:15:05 - I'm just too, you know, fat to really run fast

00:15:09 or hide behind anything.

00:15:10 - Dude, it's not like, it's not about that.

00:15:12 - But we were playing against Bobby Duke.

00:15:14 - Fucking religious experience.

00:15:16 (upbeat music)

00:15:19 (laughing)

00:15:21 - Bobby Duke!

00:15:22 (laughing)

00:15:24 What's going on, man?

00:15:25 I heard you were in town. - Yeah, I heard.

00:15:27 - Why did you come to see me?

00:15:28 - I'm right here, day two, buddy.

00:15:29 - Day two, I love it.

00:15:32 Look, Bobby Duke's tree.

00:15:34 I planted it. - Huh?

00:15:35 - Bobby Duke's tree.

00:15:37 - Bobby Duke's!

00:15:40 - Bobby Duke's tree!

00:15:42 (laughing)

00:15:44 - Bobby Duke's tree!

00:15:46 - Bobby Duke's tree!

00:15:47 - Bobby Duke's!

00:15:49 - What are you talking about? - It's alive!

00:15:50 It's 10 years old!

00:15:52 I planted it in your memory.

00:15:54 - Get out of here. - Yeah!

00:15:55 I thought you killed yourself after you wiped.

00:15:58 So I was like, I'm gonna plant this in your memory.

00:16:01 And then after I planted it, someone was like,

00:16:02 oh, he didn't die.

00:16:03 - Bobby was a fierce competitor.

00:16:05 I mean, you couldn't help but be friends with the guy

00:16:08 because he was just like, you saw him on the battlefield

00:16:10 and you're psyched to see him because you knew

00:16:12 you were gonna have a great day of paintball.

00:16:14 - I'm putting together a team.

00:16:17 - Yeah? - Yeah.

00:16:18 And I'm gonna play in the classic.

00:16:19 And since you might have some time on your hands.

00:16:21 - No, no, no, I can't.

00:16:23 - How come?

00:16:25 You got time, you got--

00:16:26 - Bobby Duke's, don't ask me.

00:16:28 Don't ask me, come on.

00:16:29 For friends, don't ask me.

00:16:31 I can't play with you.

00:16:33 - Let's do some good.

00:16:34 - No.

00:16:35 I can't, man, I can't.

00:16:36 I mean, you know I love you.

00:16:38 And I would take a bullet for you.

00:16:40 I just can't take a paint bullet for you.

00:16:44 You know what I mean?

00:16:45 - Well, you know, you got your own thing going on.

00:16:46 And I respect that.

00:16:48 - Yeah, it's good.

00:16:49 - Thanks for considering it, you know?

00:16:53 - Well, I could, no.

00:16:54 Yeah, I didn't consider it really.

00:16:55 I just, you know, that's the one thing I won't consider.

00:16:58 I mean, if you ever, if your car gets towed,

00:17:01 like just call me anytime.

00:17:03 Like at four, three in the morning, wake me up.

00:17:04 - Okay. - And I'll call Eric.

00:17:05 - Do you have any recommendations?

00:17:06 I mean, people I can talk to?

00:17:08 - I don't know, I mean.

00:17:09 My, I don't know.

00:17:12 - It's not that bad.

00:17:14 - Larry, Larry won't.

00:17:16 - Well.

00:17:17 - My brother's here.

00:17:18 - You really, your brother?

00:17:20 - Yeah, my dad finally hired him, yeah.

00:17:23 - What is it, cashier or something?

00:17:24 - No, he's in the barn right now.

00:17:26 - Doing what?

00:17:27 - He's working.

00:17:28 You wanna go see him?

00:17:29 - Yeah, yeah.

00:17:31 - Oh yeah, he's different now.

00:17:32 I mean, you get to see him, he's great.

00:17:34 Hey Brian, look who's here.

00:17:36 Bobby Dukes!

00:17:36 - Hey. - Brian!

00:17:38 - Huh? - Little Brian.

00:17:40 - How you doing, man?

00:17:41 - Bobby Dukes.

00:17:42 - Say hello to Bobby Dukes.

00:17:43 - Bobby Dukes!

00:17:44 - Say hello, Brian!

00:17:45 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

00:17:47 - What's going down?

00:17:47 - Check him out!

00:17:49 (laughing)

00:17:50 - What's going on?

00:17:52 - What's going on?

00:17:53 - Look at you, man!

00:17:53 - Check me out!

00:17:55 - Show him.

00:17:56 - You can walk?

00:17:56 - Show him how strong you are.

00:17:57 - I'm strong.

00:17:58 - Show him, pick up a bail of hay there.

00:18:00 - This one?

00:18:01 - Yeah.

00:18:02 - All right.

00:18:03 - Whoa!

00:18:04 - You want this?

00:18:05 - No, no, no, no.

00:18:07 - Cuts like a knife.

00:18:08 - Cuts like a knife!

00:18:10 - What do you remember from,

00:18:11 remember when you were little and when you were sick?

00:18:14 - Yeah.

00:18:14 - Yeah, I remember him.

00:18:17 - I do.

00:18:18 - That's what he's asking.

00:18:19 - Huh?

00:18:20 - I think he's asking,

00:18:21 what do you remember from that time?

00:18:23 - What I remember from that time was

00:18:25 that he made a lot of jokes about my legs,

00:18:29 about my braces on my legs,

00:18:30 but now I can run up trees with no hands, so.

00:18:33 - Boys will be boys.

00:18:34 - Can't joke anymore.

00:18:35 - Do you play paintball?

00:18:36 - You want to play paintball?

00:18:37 - Yeah.

00:18:38 Do you want to be on my team?

00:18:39 - Yeah!

00:18:40 - Yeah?

00:18:41 - Yeah, I can be on your team?

00:18:42 - Yes!

00:18:44 - No?

00:18:44 I can't, I can't.

00:18:47 - No?

00:18:49 - Dude, check it out, Brian.

00:18:50 (whistling)

00:18:53 It makes a noise!

00:18:57 - Yeah, it does.

00:18:58 - Yeah!

00:18:59 - Brian, Brian!

00:19:01 Finish the bar and we're gonna have dinner.

00:19:02 We're having pork chops tonight, okay?

00:19:04 - Alright.

00:19:04 - See you later, Brian!

00:19:05 - See you later!

00:19:06 - Brian!

00:19:07 - You're Brian.

00:19:08 - I know.

00:19:09 - He keeps calling you Brian.

00:19:09 - He calls everyone Brian.

00:19:11 (whistling)

00:19:14 - Bobby?

00:19:15 - Lope-a-dope!

00:19:17 - Oh my god, what's going on?

00:19:18 - How are you?

00:19:19 - I'm alright.

00:19:20 - Hey, baby, what's going on?

00:19:23 - Man!

00:19:23 - Oh my god.

00:19:24 - I've known Bobby since the beginning.

00:19:26 We were fellow partiers, if you will.

00:19:29 Man, we would party.

00:19:31 He's incredible.

00:19:32 He has much longer hair, like a hippie-like hair,

00:19:36 long hair and a ponytail.

00:19:39 We would shroom constantly.

00:19:42 We were always high.

00:19:43 - I'm putting a team together.

00:19:44 I'm putting a, yeah.

00:19:45 - Paintball?

00:19:46 - Yeah, we're gonna play in the Classic.

00:19:47 - Oh, that's adorable.

00:19:50 That's adorable, no.

00:19:51 - Come on!

00:19:53 - No, I can't do that, dude.

00:19:54 (upbeat music)

00:19:57 (clapping)

00:20:03 - Hey!

00:20:06 - No fucking way.

00:20:08 - What's up, Bunker?

00:20:09 - Why did he come back?

00:20:11 Why did he come back?

00:20:13 I was fine.

00:20:14 I was over it.

00:20:17 I had gotten to a place where I didn't need

00:20:24 to cause other people pain.

00:20:27 I don't know if you know this, but after you left,

00:20:30 I got sidelined by Sam Brown for two years.

00:20:37 I sat on the bench.

00:20:38 I played in two, maybe three rounds.

00:20:43 Why did Sam Brown feel like I was not good enough?

00:20:48 Is it because he's a Jew?

00:20:54 I don't know, but probably.

00:20:58 - Play with me.

00:21:00 - I don't play anymore.

00:21:01 - What do you mean you don't play anymore?

00:21:03 - I don't play, I don't.

00:21:04 - Why doesn't anybody play paintball anymore?

00:21:07 Nobody plays paintball anymore.

00:21:10 - Well, I can't speak for anybody else, Bobby Dukes,

00:21:14 but I can say that you put a pretty big shit stain

00:21:17 on the entire sport.

00:21:18 - You know what?

00:21:20 - Listen, Bobby. - Cool to see you.

00:21:22 It's great to see you.

00:21:23 - Bobby.

00:21:25 Good luck.

00:21:33 (water splashing)

00:21:36 Are you making fun of me, or is it?

00:21:38 - Yeah.

00:21:39 I hope you fucking humiliate yourself,

00:21:44 just like you always do.

00:21:45 - Punch.

00:21:49 I'm sorry, is Punch there?

00:21:52 Punch.

00:21:56 Hey, it's Bobby Dukes.

00:21:59 What do you mean no?

00:22:03 (upbeat music)

00:22:05 You haven't even listened, hello?

00:22:09 Hello?

00:22:10 (gasping)

00:22:16 Wow.

00:22:19 - Hey, Bobby.

00:22:26 - Hey.

00:22:28 What are you doing?

00:22:29 - Typo.

00:22:30 - 10 hours from morning to evening rejected.

00:22:34 - Rejected?

00:22:35 - Have you ever had a day where the whole theme

00:22:37 of the day is rejection?

00:22:39 - No, maybe an hour.

00:22:41 - I need something else.

00:22:42 I need another angle.

00:22:45 You know, I need another plan.

00:22:46 I need a map.

00:22:47 - Lenny Pear.

00:22:48 I've talked to Sheila.

00:22:49 He's still doing stuff at the field.

00:22:51 - I'm sure he's still doing stuff.

00:22:52 - And he knows a ton of people, new people,

00:22:54 who you might not know, who I bet would be into it.

00:22:59 - You should see Lenny.

00:23:01 - That's not a bad idea.

00:23:03 - Yeah.

00:23:04 - That's not a bad idea.

00:23:05 Boy, that'd be the ultimate irony.

00:23:06 - Well, it'd be strange.

00:23:08 Okay. - Thank you.

00:23:10 - Love you.

00:23:11 - I love you.

00:23:11 You know what?

00:23:12 You look like mom.

00:23:15 - Really?

00:23:16 - Yeah.

00:23:17 - From the old West picture?

00:23:18 - Sort of, I mean, if you had a bonnet on.

00:23:22 - I love her in that picture.

00:23:23 She's so beautiful.

00:23:24 - Yeah.

00:23:25 It's a weird picture, though.

00:23:26 - She looks like Julia Roberts.

00:23:28 - You think so?

00:23:29 - Yeah.

00:23:29 - I don't like that picture.

00:23:33 Because you're a little girl

00:23:34 and you're dressed up like a whore.

00:23:36 - It's fun.

00:23:37 - Like a Western idea.

00:23:38 - It was fun.

00:23:39 - I'm gonna go.

00:23:40 - Okay. - Thank you.

00:23:40 - All right.

00:23:41 (upbeat music)

00:23:44 - I wish you guys had seen this part before all this.

00:23:57 This is it, just right here.

00:23:58 This is all, this is all it was.

00:23:59 These two fields right here.

00:24:01 And Santa's village.

00:24:03 This is all new.

00:24:04 This used to be a dump.

00:24:07 Literally, this used to be a,

00:24:09 this was like a landfill dumping ground.

00:24:11 You know, we used to play with like,

00:24:15 bunkers would be mattresses and, you know,

00:24:18 old refrigerators and all the parents

00:24:20 who are worried about kids getting stuck in refrigerators.

00:24:22 So different, so much faster now, you know?

00:24:26 It's like a real sport.

00:24:28 It's like soccer, lacrosse.

00:24:30 It'd be great if paintball became like

00:24:32 an internationally respected, renowned,

00:24:35 like, the religion like soccer is, you know?

00:24:38 And people like, like, like the Spanish cultures

00:24:40 got into it, like pinball, you know?

00:24:42 Like, people kill each other over it.

00:24:45 - Oh, oh.

00:24:47 - Oh!

00:24:48 - Check him!

00:24:49 Check him!

00:24:50 - Don't hit me like that!

00:24:51 - Ref, check him!

00:24:53 - What do we got?

00:24:54 - You hit me after I hit him.

00:24:55 - I hit him first.

00:24:56 - You're out!

00:24:58 Out!

00:24:59 That's game!

00:25:01 There you go guys, good job!

00:25:04 Let's go guys!

00:25:06 Shake your tail feather, okay?

00:25:08 - Good call, ref.

00:25:08 - All right.

00:25:12 - Hey man, D-bag.

00:25:13 - Hey D-bag.

00:25:14 All right, see you guys later.

00:25:15 D-bag!

00:25:16 - Hey.

00:25:17 - Hey, what's going on?

00:25:18 - Ref in.

00:25:19 - Oh, thanks a lot.

00:25:20 - You guys hiring?

00:25:23 - Refs, you can go inside.

00:25:25 - I don't deal with that.

00:25:26 - Really?

00:25:27 - Yeah.

00:25:27 - Can I talk to you for a minute?

00:25:28 - Sure.

00:25:29 - I don't care, remember me.

00:25:30 I used to play here.

00:25:32 - Hey.

00:25:33 - Like, 10 years ago.

00:25:34 - No, no, no.

00:25:35 - Yeah.

00:25:37 - I'm Bobby Dukes.

00:25:38 - How are you?

00:25:39 Good to see you again.

00:25:40 - Wow.

00:25:40 - I don't think we've ever actually formally met.

00:25:42 - Yeah, yeah, no.

00:25:43 No, I know, yeah.

00:25:43 - You know, just around, you know,

00:25:44 ran around in the same circles, sort of.

00:25:46 - Wow.

00:25:47 - How are you?

00:25:48 - Good.

00:25:49 - You really, you've grown up.

00:25:50 - Oh, thanks, yeah.

00:25:51 - A little.

00:25:52 - Yeah, just, my fanny pack ripped out there.

00:25:56 - Oh.

00:25:57 - I don't mean to brag,

00:25:58 but if you were to say Lenny Pear around here,

00:26:01 I bet you a lot of people would say,

00:26:02 Lenny Pear is paintball, okay?

00:26:05 I live it, I love it.

00:26:06 I'm writing a column in Paintball Extreme Magazine,

00:26:09 but I mean, around here,

00:26:10 all the guys just know me as, you know, Deed Bag.

00:26:13 You know, they're always like, "Deed Bag!"

00:26:14 You know, "Deed Bag," I guess, you know,

00:26:16 and, you know, everyone is like buddies with me here.

00:26:19 It's like, you know, I make some tough calls,

00:26:21 and I guess I'm known for that.

00:26:23 I'm not afraid to make tough calls,

00:26:25 but I'm also not afraid to kick back

00:26:26 and, you know, drink a Coke with these guys

00:26:28 and be like, "Good game."

00:26:29 - Are you playing on a team now?

00:26:30 - No, I mean, I do some, like, pickup stuff with the,

00:26:34 like, I play with these, yeah, in this little youth league.

00:26:36 I go eight to 12 year olds.

00:26:37 I come, I fill in if they're short a guy or something.

00:26:40 - Eight to 12, why not?

00:26:41 Why not be on a team?

00:26:42 Why not?

00:26:43 - It's a hassle, you know, it's a hassle.

00:26:44 It's just, you know, it's a time thing,

00:26:46 'cause I gotta make sure that, you know,

00:26:47 I'm organizing things.

00:26:48 - Do you wanna play with me, Lenny?

00:26:51 Do you wanna play on a team with me?

00:26:53 - Well--

00:26:54 - You and I can put a team together,

00:26:55 and it'll be our team.

00:26:56 You could be like--

00:26:59 - Let me, can I ask you a question?

00:27:01 Like, an honest question?

00:27:03 - Of course, anything.

00:27:04 - Um, I, uh,

00:27:07 I don't, I don't mean to offend or anything like that,

00:27:12 but-- - You're not gonna offend me.

00:27:13 - I, I'm, you know, I played by the,

00:27:15 I played by the rules-- - I'm not a cheater.

00:27:16 - Okay, okay.

00:27:18 - I'm not a cheater anymore.

00:27:19 - Okay.

00:27:20 - Okay.

00:27:21 - That's what I've been doing for the last 10 years,

00:27:23 and that's why I'm here.

00:27:24 Can I ask you a question?

00:27:26 - Um, yeah.

00:27:27 - Honest question? - Yeah.

00:27:28 - Was there ever a moment,

00:27:31 ever in that fraction of a second,

00:27:33 was there a fraction of a fraction of a second

00:27:35 where you thought to yourself,

00:27:36 when you were reffing that game,

00:27:38 I'm not gonna call Bobby Dinks out?

00:27:41 - No, no, you know?

00:27:45 I mean, I'll never forget that day, you know?

00:27:47 There I am,

00:27:49 like, probably like my 12th game of reffing,

00:27:52 like big game reffing,

00:27:53 and just to see him wipe.

00:27:55 It was amazing, it was like the whole world just stopped.

00:27:59 And I saw it all in slow motion,

00:28:01 and I didn't have any chance to think,

00:28:02 it was just like.

00:28:03 - Do you wanna be part of a myth?

00:28:06 - Let's create one. - Okay.

00:28:10 Okay, yeah, yeah.

00:28:12 All right.

00:28:13 All right.

00:28:14 (laughing)

00:28:15 - Hey!

00:28:17 How are you?

00:28:18 Good to see you, come in.

00:28:20 - Oh, hey, hey, hi!

00:28:22 Hey, hi!

00:28:23 I'm on the patch.

00:28:25 - Oh, I'm not supposed to do any interviews.

00:28:27 - No, no, no, this is, this is, this is,

00:28:29 hi guys!

00:28:30 Hi guys, this is not just a interview.

00:28:32 No, this is a movie that they're making.

00:28:35 I met these guys the other day.

00:28:36 I met these guys at over at Bill's,

00:28:39 when I was getting all the registration in order.

00:28:41 - What is the movie about, Sam Brown?

00:28:43 - It's a movie about, it's a paintball movie.

00:28:45 They're making a documentary, right guys?

00:28:48 And-- - 'Cause if you can't do it,

00:28:49 let Sam Brown help you do it.

00:28:52 - I saw Bill there, they're putting together

00:28:54 a bunch of new teams, I saw--

00:28:56 - Who cares about new teams?

00:28:58 What you care about is heat, right?

00:28:59 What you want is action in your life.

00:29:02 What you want is Sam Brown in your life.

00:29:03 - That's right.

00:29:04 - It's like a hot stove, you put your hand on a stove,

00:29:07 it's like, oh!

00:29:08 - Ow! - My hand!

00:29:09 - Yeah, they can't have a paintball movie

00:29:11 with just Bobby Duke, they gotta have Sam Brown in this.

00:29:14 And now Sam Brown is-- - Why did you say--

00:29:16 - It's who you should be focusing on.

00:29:17 - Why did you say his name?

00:29:20 - They were there with, they saw Bobby,

00:29:24 Bobby came back to do the tournament.

00:29:28 Sam has a practice range on the roof.

00:29:31 - What? - If you guys wanna come

00:29:31 afterwards, he's got a high power precision--

00:29:35 - Wait a second, Bobby Dukes did, you saw Bobby Dukes?

00:29:39 - I saw him for like five minutes, like two minutes.

00:29:42 - Is he competing, is that what's happening now?

00:29:44 - Apparently he's competing, he's putting together--

00:29:45 - 'Cause you're not saying anything,

00:29:46 why don't you guys say something, is he?

00:29:48 - Apparently, apparently.

00:29:51 - Oh really? - He's putting

00:29:52 a team together. - All right, well,

00:29:53 you know what he gets is a paintball

00:29:55 right between the eyes from this guy.

00:29:58 - Can you guys come back in like 10?

00:30:00 How's 10 for you guys, you guys go have a smoke?

00:30:03 - I tell you what I'll be doing in 10 minutes,

00:30:07 that's probably martial arts.

00:30:09 (swords clashing)

00:30:12 - That's like if Bobby Dukes was right there.

00:30:19 (upbeat music)

00:30:23 - 449, Eddie Reynolds. - Okay.

00:30:28 - This guy, a little rough around the edges,

00:30:30 but I think you'll be into it.

00:30:31 - Okay. - He's a friend of mine,

00:30:33 so let me do the kind of the top.

00:30:35 - All right, it's all yours.

00:30:36 - All right.

00:30:37 (upbeat music)

00:30:39 - Who the hell are those guys?

00:30:42 - These guys are cameramen.

00:30:44 - They're just following us around.

00:30:45 - What the hell do you want from me?

00:30:46 Is this some kind of TV busted show?

00:30:48 Because that's bullshit, I got your letters,

00:30:50 and I haven't been down there since I got them.

00:30:52 All right?

00:30:54 You gotta come to my house and bust my balls,

00:30:56 bring a camera crew.

00:30:58 - It's not really like that, I mean,

00:31:00 we wanna ask you if you wanna be on a team.

00:31:02 - You serious?

00:31:07 - Yeah. - Yeah.

00:31:08 - Can we just talk to you for a second?

00:31:10 - You a cop?

00:31:11 - No.

00:31:13 - Let me see your hands.

00:31:14 You too, Jack-off.

00:31:18 All of you motherfuckers.

00:31:20 - Just show him your hands, guys.

00:31:21 - No.

00:31:22 - Anybody follow you?

00:31:25 - No. - No.

00:31:26 - Nothing we know of.

00:31:27 - All right.

00:31:28 - All right, get in here, come on, move, move.

00:31:34 Get in there, move it.

00:31:36 You sure nobody came in?

00:31:38 No one followed you?

00:31:39 - No. - No, no.

00:31:40 - No? - No.

00:31:41 - No. - Just us.

00:31:42 - All right, what the hell's going on?

00:31:44 - This is Bobby Dukes. - Yeah.

00:31:46 - And you know the tournament that's coming up,

00:31:49 Tri-Valley--

00:31:49 - Yeah, Lenny, I know all about the tournament.

00:31:51 I also know I haven't been allowed

00:31:52 to train for the tournament,

00:31:53 'cause someone keeps me out of there.

00:31:55 - All right, it's not my job,

00:31:57 it's the regulations of the field, I told you that.

00:31:59 - That's bullshit, Lenny,

00:32:00 you're the one out there making the call.

00:32:02 Don't hide behind fucking regulations there,

00:32:04 you fucking buttermilk princess.

00:32:06 That son of a bitch has kicked me out of more matches

00:32:08 over bullshit calls, okay?

00:32:10 He says I'm dead when I'm not.

00:32:12 I have never, I have never taken a real kill shot, ever.

00:32:17 I have never been hit in the head,

00:32:18 I've never been hit in the chest.

00:32:20 That's a fact, dude, you can check it.

00:32:21 Check it, I encourage you to check it.

00:32:23 I've been hit in the hand, I've been hit in the foot,

00:32:25 I've been hit in the shin,

00:32:27 but I've never taken a kill shot, so I say fuck that.

00:32:30 If I'm hit in the leg and I'm out in the shit, for real,

00:32:33 I'm still alive, this still works, you know?

00:32:37 I'm still lethal.

00:32:38 And then you go play paintball

00:32:40 and you got jackoffs like Lenny going,

00:32:42 you're out, you're out.

00:32:43 No, there's paint on your clothes.

00:32:45 I'm like, fuck you, Lenny, fuck you.

00:32:48 What's your story?

00:32:49 - Well, I'm back after 10 years

00:32:53 and we're starting this team and--

00:32:55 - Fuck it, I'm on it, let's do it.

00:32:56 We want you to play backfield, though,

00:32:57 you can't be a taper, I'm not dead.

00:32:58 - God, we don't know, we don't know yet.

00:33:01 I mean, we'll--

00:33:01 - You play backfield, Lenny,

00:33:03 and you shove it straight up your ass.

00:33:05 - Well, we don't know.

00:33:06 - You know I'm not a backfield player, Pink Mist.

00:33:08 Don't you, Nancy?

00:33:10 - We're not really sure, we haven't--

00:33:12 - I'm all offense.

00:33:13 - Tell you the truth, it's just the two of us right now.

00:33:15 - Bobby, what is it?

00:33:16 - Bobby.

00:33:16 - What?

00:33:17 - Bobby.

00:33:18 - Bobby?

00:33:19 - It's Bobby.

00:33:20 - Fine, let me tell you something,

00:33:21 I'm all offense, 24/7.

00:33:23 I'm in people's face, all right?

00:33:24 I'm tenacious.

00:33:25 - That's good.

00:33:26 - All right?

00:33:27 I like to kick people, I like to get in their face,

00:33:29 I like to make them taste the barrel of my gun.

00:33:31 All right?

00:33:32 That's how I play, I play full speed 24/7.

00:33:35 I'll tell you what, if you're not fucking with me--

00:33:37 - I'm not fucking with you.

00:33:39 - All right, then I'm in.

00:33:42 Let's do some damage, let's do some killing.

00:33:44 Let's get the killing done.

00:33:45 Oh, there's him, this guy, he works at Concessions,

00:33:49 and he's a really good guy.

00:33:49 Hey, hey man!

00:33:52 Hey, it's Lenny!

00:33:53 - Hey!

00:33:53 - Hey, what's going on?

00:33:54 - Lenny, what's going on?

00:33:55 - Bobby Dukes, nice to meet you, Jeff.

00:33:56 - Hey, Bobby, how are you?

00:33:58 - So, this is Jeff, and Jeff and I work

00:34:01 at the paintball field together.

00:34:03 - He says you work at the Concession stand.

00:34:05 - Yeah, yeah.

00:34:05 Mostly Powerade and Clif Bars.

00:34:08 - Uh-huh.

00:34:09 - It's good stuff.

00:34:10 - So you know your way around the paintball field, then?

00:34:12 - I got all the stuff, I got all the equipment.

00:34:14 - Yeah.

00:34:15 - Yeah, I've played.

00:34:15 - He's got a nice gun, too, he's got a Bob Long.

00:34:18 - Yeah.

00:34:18 - Oh, wow.

00:34:19 - Yeah.

00:34:20 - That's nice.

00:34:21 - It's a gift.

00:34:22 - We're putting a team together.

00:34:23 - Yeah, you interested?

00:34:23 (laughing)

00:34:26 - Absolutely, I would love to play.

00:34:29 But it just means, as long as you guys are comfortable

00:34:31 with me signing a medical waiver,

00:34:33 because I got a couple things.

00:34:35 I got, well, you know I got the sciatica.

00:34:37 - Yeah, that's not a big deal.

00:34:39 - I have low periphery vision,

00:34:42 which means I can mostly only see a slice

00:34:45 straight ahead of respiratory infection.

00:34:46 It's pretty bad, it's not SARS,

00:34:49 but it's something they can't figure it out.

00:34:52 But it messes me up.

00:34:53 - You seen a doctor?

00:34:54 - I have a couple, and they're like, "Gosh."

00:34:57 - You're right.

00:34:58 - So, you know.

00:34:59 - Who's seen it?

00:34:59 - I'll show you what happens.

00:35:00 When I run, I get, my breathing gets all--

00:35:03 - You don't have to run.

00:35:04 - Show 'em.

00:35:05 - I'll run down to that thing over there,

00:35:06 and then I'll run back, and you'll see.

00:35:08 It's like, I breathe out--

00:35:08 - You have a condition, don't show this.

00:35:10 - Here, hold this.

00:35:11 - I don't want to exacerbate any--

00:35:12 - I'll be right back.

00:35:13 - I'll be right back.

00:35:14 - Watch him, watch him.

00:35:15 - I don't think he's--

00:35:15 - Let him show off for you.

00:35:16 Look at him, look at that.

00:35:17 - I don't--

00:35:18 - He feels like he has to audition or something.

00:35:22 He's pretty fast.

00:35:23 - Look at that.

00:35:24 - That's where I got his size.

00:35:26 - There's a guy, it's like a--

00:35:28 - He's turning really red.

00:35:29 - He's limping.

00:35:31 - He's limping now, too, yeah.

00:35:33 Should we go?

00:35:34 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, go.

00:35:34 - Should we go?

00:35:35 - Yeah, well, maybe I'll come back, wait.

00:35:37 Yeah, let's go, let's go, go.

00:35:41 - We should go, we should go.

00:35:44 (sniffing)

00:35:46 - Hey, what's going on?

00:35:50 - Oh, hey, hey.

00:35:51 - Hey, hey, hey.

00:35:52 - What's up, Betsey?

00:35:53 What's up, Betsey?

00:35:54 - Hey, how are you?

00:35:54 - What's up, Betsey?

00:35:55 - What's up?

00:35:56 - Showtime, this is Torpedo.

00:35:58 - It's Kevin.

00:35:59 - So, how are you doing?

00:36:00 - Showtime.

00:36:01 - Nice to meet you.

00:36:02 (engine revving)

00:36:03 - What's going on?

00:36:04 Oh, hey, man, I'm catching a fire.

00:36:05 - Oh, oh.

00:36:06 - It's a fire with a K.

00:36:08 It's not a real fire, but it works the same, you know.

00:36:11 - Paul's killer this year.

00:36:13 - Yeah, it's cheap.

00:36:13 - It's some good stuff.

00:36:14 - Yeah.

00:36:15 - Anything you want.

00:36:16 - Anything you need.

00:36:17 I got this guy a Tickle Me Elmo four years ago.

00:36:20 You could not get them anywhere.

00:36:21 - Wow.

00:36:22 - He didn't shake, but he laughed.

00:36:23 - Yeah, he laughed very quietly.

00:36:25 - What position do you see yourself playing?

00:36:26 - Yeah, I mean, I pretty much,

00:36:29 I can pretty much do anything you need me to do.

00:36:32 - Yeah.

00:36:33 - Do you have anything you think you're good at?

00:36:35 - Well, you know when you, I mean, like,

00:36:37 I got my gun and I'm--

00:36:39 - He's a tape runner, like, tape runner, right?

00:36:42 - Right, I'm a tape runner, yeah.

00:36:43 So, I mean, I can tape it up and do whatever you need.

00:36:48 - I mean, you have your own marker?

00:36:49 - Yeah, I got my own marker.

00:36:51 I got my own thing that you put the thing in.

00:36:53 - Pod?

00:36:54 - Pod, so.

00:36:55 - How are you with the bunkers?

00:36:57 Can you flip 'em?

00:36:58 - Yeah, I can flip-flop the bunkers.

00:37:00 - Flip-flop 'em?

00:37:01 - I can flip the bunkers.

00:37:02 - Even or odd?

00:37:04 - Both ways, whatever you need.

00:37:06 - Wow.

00:37:07 'Cause I need a guy that can do both even, odd, 50/50.

00:37:12 - Oh, 50/50?

00:37:13 - On the back.

00:37:14 - Yeah, I can 50/50 it up.

00:37:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:37:17 - Great.

00:37:17 - I can reverse the tires.

00:37:19 - Great, that's great, right?

00:37:21 - Yeah.

00:37:22 - Yeah, that's great.

00:37:23 - Yeah, yeah, great.

00:37:24 I mean, I don't know if I can fit it in my schedule,

00:37:26 but I'd love to play with you guys.

00:37:27 (guns firing)

00:37:30 I don't think we've got a gun here.

00:37:36 - I'd never be able to get it.

00:37:38 - I take off.

00:37:38 - Oh, you wanna ant-run?

00:37:40 - I think we gotta go see that other, the other guy.

00:37:42 - Oh.

00:37:43 - Yeah, it's cool.

00:37:44 I got a lot of stuff I gotta do.

00:37:46 - Okay, great.

00:37:47 Hey, it's great to meet you.

00:37:48 - Hey, it's great to meet you.

00:37:48 - Yeah, thank you.

00:37:49 I'm glad you guys came by.

00:37:51 - Yeah, all right, take care.

00:37:52 - All right, hey.

00:37:53 - What is this?

00:37:59 - He gave me $10.

00:38:00 - What?

00:38:01 - When we gave him a hug, he gave me $10.

00:38:03 - I mean, this is a bribe.

00:38:05 We bribed you.

00:38:05 - But that's okay, though.

00:38:06 We want somebody who can--

00:38:07 - He's paying you $10 to be on the team.

00:38:09 I mean, that's something.

00:38:11 - I'm just saying, he was talking about

00:38:13 some pretty good stuff.

00:38:14 I mean, I didn't even know what you guys were talking about.

00:38:17 - It's 'cause I was lying.

00:38:17 Well, I mean, I made that stuff up.

00:38:19 He doesn't know what he's talking about.

00:38:21 I made all that stuff up, and he agreed with me

00:38:23 and added to it.

00:38:25 He made up stuff, too.

00:38:26 - See, he's lying.

00:38:27 - He's never played paintball before, ever, ever, ever.

00:38:30 - He said he's played a lot.

00:38:31 - No, he's never, ever, never played.

00:38:33 I'll bet you that $10.

00:38:34 He's never played paintball.

00:38:36 - All right, well--

00:38:37 - From now on, just guys--

00:38:38 No, no, no, no, that's cool.

00:38:39 Guys that just we know have played paintball.

00:38:42 From now on.

00:38:43 - All right, well, that's gonna narrow the list a little bit.

00:38:45 - I know, I know, but just people,

00:38:46 I like people who have picked up a gun.

00:38:49 I don't even think he's heard of paintball.

00:38:51 (upbeat music)

00:38:53 - Welcome.

00:38:55 You guys are the chosen ones.

00:38:58 You chose me.

00:39:00 I didn't choose you guys.

00:39:04 A lot of people said no to me this week.

00:39:07 I was drowning in a sea of no, but you guys said yes.

00:39:12 - Yeah, yeah.

00:39:13 - Yeah.

00:39:14 - Yeah!

00:39:15 - Yeah.

00:39:16 - Do you guys know what today is?

00:39:17 - It's a fucking good day to die.

00:39:18 - Today's--

00:39:19 - Good day to kill it.

00:39:20 - Today's Puerto Rican Day.

00:39:22 - What?

00:39:23 - Yeah.

00:39:24 And that's neither here nor there,

00:39:25 but that provides a marker for you guys.

00:39:30 - Bobby saw me playing video games.

00:39:32 He liked my hand-eye coordination.

00:39:33 He's like, and what he told me was

00:39:36 that type of hand-eye coordination

00:39:37 can be translated to paintball.

00:39:40 - Every year on Puerto Rican Day,

00:39:42 you'll be able to say, I was there.

00:39:44 I was there the day we beat Mayhem.

00:39:48 I was there the day we were allowed in the Classic.

00:39:51 - I wanna screw it to Mayhem.

00:39:52 - Yeah.

00:39:53 - I wanna stick it in their fucking ear.

00:39:55 - They're not Puerto Rican, are they?

00:39:56 - How is it Puerto Rican Day?

00:39:57 - Puerto Rican Day has nothing to do with it.

00:39:58 - How is it Puerto Rican Day?

00:39:59 - Puerto Rican Day has nothing to do with it.

00:40:00 - The students.

00:40:02 - Yo, let's do this.

00:40:03 - Let's do it.

00:40:04 - Let's do this.

00:40:05 - Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:06 - Let's do this.

00:40:07 - Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:08 - Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:10 - I shoot the paint to ya.

00:40:11 - Booyaka, booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:13 - I shoot the paint to ya.

00:40:15 - Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:16 - I shoot the paint to ya.

00:40:18 - Booyaka, booyaka.

00:40:19 - I shoot the paint to ya.

00:40:21 - Yo, my name is Clifford the Big Red Murderer

00:40:24 and I'm fucking serving ya with a gallon of paint

00:40:27 straight to your dome.

00:40:28 You're like McCoy Calkin.

00:40:30 - Home alone yo, I'll fucking take my bone

00:40:34 and fucking stick it right in your asshole.

00:40:37 - You guys are a team.

00:40:38 As of right now, you're a band of brothers.

00:40:41 - Woo!

00:40:42 - Embrace.

00:40:43 Hold hands, I want you guys to hold hands.

00:40:45 Hold hands, Eddie.

00:40:46 - No, I don't wanna fucking hold hands.

00:40:47 - Hold hands.

00:40:49 Hold hands.

00:40:50 Huh?

00:40:52 Touch the other's flesh.

00:40:54 You're a band.

00:40:55 Eddie, you're the bass guitar.

00:40:57 You got four strings.

00:40:59 But you're really a percussion instrument.

00:41:01 - I like the bass thing.

00:41:03 - Yeah.

00:41:04 - 'Cause that reminds me of Gene Simmons.

00:41:05 - Showtime.

00:41:06 You're a guitar.

00:41:07 You're an electric guitar,

00:41:08 but you've got a series of pedals.

00:41:11 And you can sound any way you want.

00:41:13 Erica, you're a little splash cymbal.

00:41:18 You're tiny and you're beautiful and you're shiny,

00:41:21 but you make a loud, loud noise.

00:41:23 And Lenny.

00:41:25 You're a piccolo.

00:41:29 (laughing)

00:41:30 - No, no.

00:41:31 What?

00:41:32 (laughing)

00:41:33 - Totally, totally Bobby, totally.

00:41:35 - He is a piccolo.

00:41:36 - Like the forefathers carried into battle.

00:41:38 - Yeah.

00:41:41 - Who?

00:41:41 - What?

00:41:42 - I played recorder in school, so I know.

00:41:43 - So let's go out there.

00:41:44 And let's get in a tournament.

00:41:46 Who's with me?

00:41:46 - I'm with you!

00:41:47 - Who's with me?

00:41:48 - I'm with you!

00:41:49 - I don't know why, but I am.

00:41:50 - You're with me.

00:41:51 - Yeah.

00:41:52 - Let's kill, let's kill, let's kill!

00:41:53 - Guys, I don't know about you,

00:41:54 but I'm here for the long haul.

00:41:55 I'll see you on the other side.

00:41:56 - Shut up!

00:41:57 Let's kill!

00:41:58 Let's kill!

00:41:59 Let's kill!

00:42:00 Y'all better get your asses and your hands wired together,

00:42:03 'cause when I'm out on the fucking battlefield,

00:42:05 I'm killing, and I don't stop!

00:42:07 Right, Bob?

00:42:09 - Unless someone's already shot, then you can stop.

00:42:11 - No!

00:42:12 - Yeah.

00:42:12 - All right, really?

00:42:13 - Yeah.

00:42:14 - Okay, then I'll stop.

00:42:15 - Yo, what's up, Bobby Dukes?

00:42:16 - What's up, Bobby Dukes?

00:42:17 - What's up, Bobby Dukes?

00:42:18 - What's up, you ready to hit?

00:42:19 - What's up, booyah, Bobby Dukes?

00:42:20 - I don't think so.

00:42:20 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:21 - I ain't shaking with you.

00:42:22 - Yo, I am not.

00:42:23 - Yo, whoa, whoa, that's three times you get dissed, B.

00:42:25 - Yo, we're afraid of fucking y'all.

00:42:26 - Yo, yo, yo, actually, I will shake your hand.

00:42:29 - What's up?

00:42:29 - Yeah, man.

00:42:30 - I wiped my ass like five minutes ago.

00:42:31 - Yo, he wiped his ass?

00:42:33 - Yeah!

00:42:33 - He wiped his ass with that thing, man.

00:42:36 - Yeah.

00:42:37 - Gentlemen and Canadians,

00:42:39 can I have your attention, please?

00:42:41 To my left is mayhem,

00:42:44 hailing from our retarded brother to the north,

00:42:47 a bastion of socialism and alcoholism.

00:42:52 To my right, we have a hand-picked squad

00:42:56 of noble warriors, led by the one and only Bobby Dukes!

00:43:00 - Bobby Dukes!

00:43:00 - The winner of this event will be elevated

00:43:03 to the Hudson Valley Bank Ball Classic

00:43:06 and will not crawl back

00:43:07 to their bilingual parliamentary shithole.

00:43:11 Please bow your heads to the good American soil.

00:43:17 Oh, Bobby Dukes, please kick their ass so hard

00:43:22 that their ass goes up their own ass

00:43:26 at the first horn.

00:43:29 (horn honking)

00:43:31 - Good game, guys, good game.

00:43:33 - Fuck off!

00:43:34 - Yeah, fucking suck my dick!

00:43:36 - Pop, pop, pop, and you drop, motherfucker!

00:43:38 - Yeah, bizzatch!

00:43:40 The words I speak from now on is pop, pop, pop, pop!

00:43:43 - Look at your bunkers.

00:43:45 - Okay, move up.

00:43:47 - Come on, come on.

00:43:48 - Oh, yeah, come on.

00:43:49 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:49 - Oh, yeah, come on.

00:43:50 - Move up, move up.

00:43:51 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

00:43:52 - Come on, team, you ready?

00:43:53 - Ready!

00:43:54 - Ready?

00:43:54 - Yeah, team, you ready?

00:43:56 - Ready.

00:43:56 - Ready, bitch!

00:43:57 - Stand by!

00:43:58 Go!

00:44:01 (fireworks exploding)

00:44:04 - Bell plug in.

00:44:07 - What?

00:44:08 - Bell plug in.

00:44:09 - Oh.

00:44:10 (fireworks exploding)

00:44:13 - I'm gonna show you what pain is about!

00:44:16 - I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker!

00:44:20 - My motherfucking gun's jammed, yo.

00:44:24 - Take him forward, take him forward!

00:44:25 - You, you, you!

00:44:26 - Get him out of there, get him out of there!

00:44:29 Take his gun!

00:44:30 - Oh, shit.

00:44:33 (screaming)

00:44:42 - Man down, man down, man down!

00:44:45 Jesus, I'm gonna get him, goddamn!

00:44:47 Lenny, get up, you worthless piece of shit!

00:44:49 You are a giant, useless pussy, you know that?

00:44:53 - I'm going AWOL, motherfucker!

00:44:56 - Oh, shit!

00:45:01 - Booyaka, booyaka!

00:45:04 Booyaka, booyaka!

00:45:05 - What are you doing?

00:45:08 - I'm, I'm just, no!

00:45:09 I refuse to believe this is happening!

00:45:11 I'm not gonna do it!

00:45:12 - Shoot, I'm picking up your gun!

00:45:14 - Forget it!

00:45:15 - Pick up your gun!

00:45:15 - You pick it up!

00:45:16 - Bobby, what the fuck?

00:45:18 Pick up your fucking gun!

00:45:19 - Shut up, shut up!

00:45:20 - You gotta move, you gotta move!

00:45:21 - Shoot!

00:45:22 - Fuck it.

00:45:23 Bobby, cover me!

00:45:24 - Your fucking hosers are going down, you fucking hosers!

00:45:28 - Booyaka, booyaka!

00:45:33 - I won't do it!

00:45:35 - You're the gun!

00:45:36 - You're taking the worst of me!

00:45:37 - You're the gun!

00:45:37 - No!

00:45:38 - Yo, you're going down, I can't, no, motherfucker!

00:45:42 - You're the gun!

00:45:43 - You're the gun!

00:45:44 - You're taking the best of me!

00:45:44 - You're the gun!

00:45:45 - You fucking coward, I'll never forget this.

00:45:47 - You understand that?

00:45:49 - Fucker, are you?

00:45:54 - Come on, come on, reenact, no, I don't wanna do this.

00:46:06 - Take your gun, I'm gonna cover you,

00:46:08 I want you to move to that bunker, all right?

00:46:10 - Thanks a lot, asshole.

00:46:11 - One, two, three, go!

00:46:13 Go!

00:46:17 - Yeah, you want a piece of this?

00:46:22 You want a piece of this?

00:46:23 Ah, okay!

00:46:24 - Barrel plug in, barrel plug in!

00:46:28 - Come on, you fucking bitch!

00:46:31 Come on, Bobby Duke, put up your motherfucking duke!

00:46:35 Oh, fuck!

00:46:36 - All right, let's go, you're out, come on, let's go,

00:46:39 you're out, let's go, let's go, let's go.

00:46:41 - Get the fuck off me!

00:46:42 - You're dead, you're dead after the match, bitch!

00:46:46 - Watch your ass, Bobby!

00:46:48 (gun firing)

00:47:03 - Ow!

00:47:04 (somber music)

00:47:08 - Yeah, yeah!

00:47:09 Yeah, yeah!

00:47:13 - Woo!

00:47:15 - Yeah, yeah!

00:47:16 - Everything is possible!

00:47:20 - Yeah, yeah!

00:47:21 - Good job, man, that was awesome!

00:47:26 - Guys, we were unstoppable.

00:47:28 - We got a problem, Bob?

00:47:29 - No, I felt for the second half, I started to come around.

00:47:32 - What's the matter, did you wet?

00:47:34 - No, no.

00:47:35 - That's okay, that's all right, that's all right.

00:47:37 - No, I'm good. - It's okay, it's scary.

00:47:38 It's scary.

00:47:39 - We won, we'll take care of that.

00:47:41 - We won.

00:47:42 - Yeah!

00:47:44 - Yeah!

00:47:45 - Two weeks, I will see you at the Hudson Valley

00:47:50 pit bull class.

00:47:52 - Yeah!

00:47:53 - Yeah!

00:47:54 - Hey.

00:47:57 Hey, good game.

00:48:00 - Oh, thanks, man.

00:48:01 - Bobby Dukes.

00:48:02 - Yeah, nice to meet you.

00:48:03 - Nice to meet you, pleasure.

00:48:04 - Yeah, it's a nice shot, man, got me right in the face.

00:48:07 - Oh, I'm sorry.

00:48:07 - No, it was a great shot.

00:48:09 - I was aiming for your--

00:48:10 - I choked, man, I choked.

00:48:11 - Nah.

00:48:12 - I could've, you know, I--

00:48:13 - You're great, you're great, you got skills, yeah.

00:48:15 - Thanks, it's nice of you to say that.

00:48:17 I'm sorry about those other guys, man.

00:48:19 - What's the deal with them?

00:48:20 - I think they're both gangster rappers, you know.

00:48:22 I'm not into that, that's not my scene, I mean,

00:48:24 you know, it sounds stupid coming from a paintball player,

00:48:26 but I'm just not into all that violence and stuff.

00:48:29 These guys think they're just like--

00:48:30 - I didn't understand that, but I did understand

00:48:32 that you weren't really into--

00:48:33 - Yeah, I'm not into the booyaka, I mean, they, you know,

00:48:37 I'm just, that's just not my scene.

00:48:38 - Do you have to go back to Canada?

00:48:40 - What, no, no, what do you mean, no, I mean,

00:48:43 I just, I work with those guys.

00:48:44 - Because I want you to, I want you to be on the team.

00:48:48 - Your team?

00:48:49 - Yeah.

00:48:52 - What do you mean?

00:48:53 - Yeah, I need somebody else.

00:48:56 My sister's not really a permanent member of the team.

00:48:58 - Oh, the girl with the helmet?

00:48:59 - Yeah, so, I'm looking for someone.

00:49:02 - Nice.

00:49:03 - And they wanna play with me, so.

00:49:05 - I'll play with you, man, is that--

00:49:06 - Yeah? - Yeah.

00:49:07 - You can stick around?

00:49:08 These guys aren't gonna?

00:49:10 - Nah, they'll be fine.

00:49:11 - Okay.

00:49:12 - I'm excited, man, I mean, I've heard so much about him.

00:49:14 I mean, I'm sure like, not everything can be true

00:49:18 that they say about him,

00:49:19 but he just seems like a cool cat, you know?

00:49:22 He reminds me of, you ever read Dharma Bums?

00:49:25 Character Jaffe Ryder in Dharma Bums?

00:49:29 My mom gave me that book when I was little,

00:49:30 'cause she used to, I don't know if you've ever read

00:49:33 Electric Cool at Acid Test,

00:49:34 but she was Mountain Girl's friend.

00:49:36 She was Mountain Girl's friend, and I don't know.

00:49:41 He's, I think Bobby Dukes is the real deal.

00:49:45 - Hey.

00:49:46 - Hey, sounds like he said yeah.

00:49:48 - Did he? - Yeah, he's in.

00:49:49 - Awesome. - He's in, just like that.

00:49:50 - We got Crosby on the team.

00:49:52 - Tall guy that was on Mayhem,

00:49:54 the really tall guy that didn't really fit in.

00:49:55 - Oh, the last guy, yeah.

00:49:56 - Yeah, the gym guy. - Got him right in the face.

00:49:58 That was awesome, you see that?

00:49:59 - He's gonna be on the team?

00:49:59 - Yeah.

00:50:01 - That's great. - Isn't he great?

00:50:01 - He's good. - Oh yeah, he's great.

00:50:03 So this means that, I hope you don't mind,

00:50:07 do you mind if we move you to the bench?

00:50:09 - Okay.

00:50:13 - Yeah?

00:50:13 - What do you mean?

00:50:15 - To just make you an alternate, to sub, instead of play.

00:50:20 - Oh, yeah, was I on the team?

00:50:23 I was on the team?

00:50:24 - Of course you were, yeah.

00:50:26 - Oh! - You didn't know that?

00:50:27 - No. - Yeah, you were on the team.

00:50:29 - Of course. - That's how I played.

00:50:31 - Oh my God, you guys!

00:50:32 That's so sweet!

00:50:35 No, oh you guys, thank you!

00:50:39 Yeah, no, yeah, sure, I'll sit on the, yeah, okay.

00:50:45 - All right, good.

00:50:47 - I'm just gonna beat,

00:50:49 so I'm just gonna sit here for a second.

00:50:51 - Okay. - All right?

00:50:53 - Yeah, I gotta just make sure that my,

00:50:55 I wanna squeeze you out my barrel and stuff.

00:50:56 - I wanna see how he does his gun so I know.

00:50:59 - Yeah, 'cause-- - That's cool.

00:51:00 - I think I got a paint jam or something.

00:51:02 Felt a little wonky.

00:51:04 - Okay.

00:51:05 - I, you know, I came here with Eddie,

00:51:09 so he picked me up in my car, you know, so I just.

00:51:13 - Oh, you need to go?

00:51:14 - No, no, he's, I think he left.

00:51:17 I can hang out, you know, do what's going on.

00:51:20 - Close it down or something?

00:51:21 - Yeah.

00:51:22 - You wanna ride?

00:51:25 You wanna ride?

00:51:26 - With you?

00:51:27 - Yeah, you don't have to stay, right?

00:51:28 You don't have to. - No, no, I can go, I can go.

00:51:30 - Oh, I didn't understand.

00:51:31 - Is that, is it all convenient?

00:51:31 - Oh yeah, no, oh no.

00:51:32 - I mean, I don't wanna impose if it's,

00:51:34 is it not an inconvenience?

00:51:36 - No, it's not an inconvenience.

00:51:38 - Okay, well then, then I can, all right,

00:51:41 I'll come with you. - Oh, sure, okay.

00:51:42 - Okay, I'll pay for gas or whatever.

00:51:43 - No, no.

00:51:44 You wanna meet me in the parking lot?

00:51:45 - I'll meet you in the parking, all right, yeah, okay.

00:51:47 I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna change, so okay.

00:51:51 - Okay. - Okay.

00:51:52 - Well, okay. - Okay.

00:51:53 - Looks good, looks really good.

00:51:57 - All right. - I hope it's okay.

00:51:58 - Everybody bow your heads, please.

00:52:00 - Oh, absolutely.

00:52:02 - Make us a, make us your fist, Lord.

00:52:09 Help us deliver your fist into the face

00:52:11 of anybody who stands before us.

00:52:14 Also, Lord, you know, I know it's probably not proper

00:52:17 to, you know, ask you to be on a side

00:52:19 or to have to choose sides, but I'm gonna go ahead

00:52:22 and do it because I think we're right.

00:52:24 So I'm gonna go ahead and ask you now, Lord,

00:52:26 be with us and not our opponents

00:52:28 and help us to crush those who stand before us

00:52:31 and may this food nourish us.

00:52:34 In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

00:52:35 - Amen. - Amen.

00:52:36 - Amen. - That was beautiful.

00:52:37 - Unless you don't believe in Jesus, amen.

00:52:40 - Well, we don't get in there, I think.

00:52:43 - Yeah, yeah, we don't have to.

00:52:44 - I do believe in Jesus, I'm just saying for other people.

00:52:46 I'm saying for everyone around the table and, you know,

00:52:49 that's all.

00:52:50 If you don't believe in Jesus,

00:52:51 you know the food's all right, too.

00:52:53 (upbeat music)

00:52:56 - You saw me, you fucking metal!

00:52:57 You saw me, you fucking metal!

00:52:59 Old man!

00:53:00 - I have pain Lando Calrissian.

00:53:04 Please take Lando for hostage.

00:53:06 - How about your dad?

00:53:08 (speaking in foreign language)

00:53:09 - That means stop.

00:53:10 - Get mine, everybody, get mine.

00:53:13 (speaking in foreign language)

00:53:17 - This is Guru, that's his real name.

00:53:19 - Hey, hey.

00:53:21 - We're gonna learn a mind-body exercise

00:53:22 'cause in the paintball field,

00:53:24 you can't rely on your eyes.

00:53:26 You have to see without seeing.

00:53:29 - Open your eyes, Bobby!

00:53:52 - Whoa.

00:53:53 (speaking in foreign language)

00:53:56 - Yeah, yeah.

00:53:59 - That's easy, that's easy.

00:54:02 - Woo!

00:54:02 - Now take the, take the costumes off.

00:54:06 Put the, all the electronics away.

00:54:08 And I'd say Fanny packs off for this one.

00:54:10 - Yeah, that's fine.

00:54:11 - And let's do some drills.

00:54:13 - Yeah.

00:54:14 (upbeat music)

00:54:15 (Fanny screaming)

00:54:18 (upbeat music)

00:54:20 (laughing)

00:54:23 ♪ Standing tall at the pearly gates ♪

00:54:34 ♪ Yes, Saint Peter, hey, what's my fate ♪

00:54:37 - Bobby Duke's, you know, big time player, fine.

00:54:40 He knows who's a player and who's not.

00:54:42 He knows who's got the goods and who doesn't.

00:54:44 He knows who's the shit and he knows who isn't.

00:54:48 - I was number one on his list, clearly,

00:54:49 because I bring--

00:54:50 - I was the first one picked.

00:54:52 - Every genius is truly ambidextrous

00:54:55 and every paintball player is a true genius.

00:54:58 You gotta be able to work both sides of the bunker.

00:55:00 You have angles over here, you have angles over here,

00:55:02 so you're able to switch, right?

00:55:07 So, gotta work out both arms.

00:55:12 No, you gotta use the opposite leg, you know?

00:55:16 Like, oh, yeah.

00:55:18 Good, good, good, good.

00:55:21 Lead with your opposite leg.

00:55:23 Lead with your, good slide, good slide.

00:55:25 - He's rallied together a group of misfits

00:55:28 because he saw something in them that nobody else did

00:55:31 and it's almost like it's not even about him,

00:55:34 it's about us.

00:55:35 - Ready for this, Henny?

00:55:41 You ready? - Yeah.

00:55:42 - I once had a massage in Japan.

00:55:44 I cried, I laughed.

00:55:47 You know, I messed myself.

00:55:51 No control over my bladder.

00:55:57 - You're messing yourself.

00:55:59 - What'd you say to me?

00:56:01 - Shh, hey, hey, hey, relax, relax, relax.

00:56:04 Relax, relax.

00:56:05 - Tell him to quit messing with me.

00:56:08 - Okay, you're gonna give yourself more tension

00:56:11 than, you're just gonna work against this massage.

00:56:14 - Yeah, just relax.

00:56:15 - Yeah, you're right, you're right, I shouldn't.

00:56:19 All right, all right, I'm all right.

00:56:21 All right, I'm all right, I'm all right.

00:56:22 - Okay, just go a little bit easier.

00:56:23 Just go a little bit easier.

00:56:24 And breathe, remember to breathe, okay?

00:56:27 - Okay, I'll breathe, I'll breathe.

00:56:28 All right, hey, guys, sorry about that.

00:56:30 I'd like to try it again if that's all right.

00:56:34 Is that all right?

00:56:35 Lenny, is that all right?

00:56:36 - Yeah. - Okay,

00:56:38 I'll explain it a little better.

00:56:39 I don't think I explained it well enough the first time.

00:56:43 So what I'd like to do is jumping jacks,

00:56:47 and I'll count one, two, three,

00:56:52 and then after I say three, then you say one.

00:56:54 And then I'll say one, two, three again,

00:56:56 and then you'll say two.

00:56:57 And then I'll say one, two, three, and we'll go up to 10.

00:57:00 - Okay.

00:57:01 - How's that sound?

00:57:02 - Why don't we just do 30 jumping jacks?

00:57:03 - Yeah, why don't you--

00:57:04 - That is 30 jumping jacks, goddammit!

00:57:06 - It's important that we get the count right, though.

00:57:08 - Come on!

00:57:09 Little fire, huh, little hunger!

00:57:11 Little desire, little passion!

00:57:13 Goddamn!

00:57:14 - One. - Okay.

00:57:15 No, not yet, not yet!

00:57:17 - Let's let him start.

00:57:18 - Oh, let's let him start.

00:57:19 - Okay, all right, prepare to exercise, ready?

00:57:23 - Ready.

00:57:24 - Exercise!

00:57:25 One, two, three!

00:57:27 - One!

00:57:28 - Two, three!

00:57:29 - One!

00:57:30 - No, two, two!

00:57:31 Why can't you say two?

00:57:33 - I've seen moments when Lenny acts like a man.

00:57:40 They're few and far between, but every now and then,

00:57:43 there's a glimpse of passion and heat and fire

00:57:46 and a killer instinct, and it comes up to the surface

00:57:49 and then retreats back into his pussy hole.

00:57:52 (bell dings)

00:57:52 - Oh, come on!

00:57:53 (Lenny screams)

00:57:54 - Get up!

00:57:55 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, all right!

00:57:57 - Yeah!

00:57:58 - That's what I'm talking about!

00:57:59 - Yeah!

00:58:00 (Lenny laughs)

00:58:02 - Beat it, beat it.

00:58:03 Don't force it, breathe, breathe, breathe.

00:58:05 (Lenny laughs)

00:58:07 Stop it, stop it.

00:58:07 - Oh, I'm sorry.

00:58:09 - It's okay.

00:58:10 (Lenny laughs)

00:58:12 - Think about eating poop out of a bowl.

00:58:15 Pull!

00:58:16 (gunshots)

00:58:17 Pull!

00:58:18 (gunshots)

00:58:21 Pull!

00:58:23 (gunshots)

00:58:25 Wet him down, wet him down!

00:58:28 Wet him down, snap!

00:58:30 Don't go up the same place twice!

00:58:34 - I can't figure out Crosby.

00:58:36 - He's awesome.

00:58:38 He's got potential, but again,

00:58:43 we've got a big sissy problem on this team.

00:58:45 - Okay, good.

00:58:46 And then down, back into downward dog.

00:58:48 And up dog.

00:58:52 Oh yeah, you feel that?

00:58:55 Paintball's really the first thing

00:58:57 that I've ever done for myself

00:58:58 that I thought was cool, you know?

00:59:02 My mom would absolutely kill me

00:59:03 if she knew I was doing this,

00:59:04 but it's like the best thing that's ever happened for me.

00:59:07 (Lenny groans)

00:59:10 I like this, I like it when I play it.

00:59:19 Go!

00:59:20 Oh, it's okay.

00:59:23 Get your whole body up, snap your whole body up.

00:59:26 Short time, get on both hands on the gun,

00:59:29 both hands on the gun!

00:59:31 - Bobby gave me interest in myself.

00:59:33 Before, I didn't have any,

00:59:35 what I refer to as interest in myself.

00:59:37 I thought I was bored.

00:59:38 I wouldn't even say bored,

00:59:39 I had no interest in who I was.

00:59:41 - So what you do is pretend that you have mono,

00:59:44 and I want you to lie down on the ground and relax.

00:59:47 You recount the movie "Vision Quest."

00:59:49 If you don't know it, you know,

00:59:51 just, I don't know, picture a different movie.

00:59:54 - It's the one where he walks up the stairs with a log, right?

00:59:56 - Yes, he's a wrestler.

00:59:58 - Snap up, you can't be afraid of the paintballs.

01:00:02 No, no!

01:00:02 - Ah, please!

01:00:04 - Hold, hold!

01:00:06 - I think that my place on a paintball team

01:00:09 is behind the bunker in case.

01:00:12 I mean, it's just in case, like a just in case person.

01:00:16 - Go!

01:00:17 (upbeat music)

01:00:19 Down!

01:00:21 Up!

01:00:25 Reload!

01:00:31 - Yeah, oh.

01:00:33 - Oh.

01:00:34 - Yeah!

01:00:38 - Yeah!

01:00:39 - Yeah!

01:00:40 (shouting)

01:01:01 (clapping)

01:01:03 - Okay, so we have "The Otters,"

01:01:08 "PlayStation 6,"

01:01:11 "Bunco Squad,"

01:01:13 "Hornet Blast,"

01:01:14 "They'll Be Back,"

01:01:16 "Dirty Almost Half Dozen,"

01:01:18 "Santa's Elves,"

01:01:20 all right,

01:01:22 "Death Squad,"

01:01:24 "Death Merchant,"

01:01:26 and then "Death Merchants."

01:01:27 - No, God damn it, I just said "merchants" plural.

01:01:29 Just take the first one off.

01:01:30 - Okay, "Fiberglass Diaper,"

01:01:32 "Guppies,"

01:01:33 "Sweet Tooth,"

01:01:34 "Rabbit."

01:01:35 - I like "Sweet Tooth" too, that's cute.

01:01:36 - What happened to--

01:01:38 - Well, I mean, I think that's fresh in everybody's mind.

01:01:40 - It's the name of the clown from "Twisted Metal."

01:01:43 - I like "Sweet Tooth."

01:01:44 - What about "Front Kick to the Sternum?"

01:01:46 - "True Colors."

01:01:47 - "Front Kick to the Sternum."

01:01:47 - Guys, I think--

01:01:48 - Did you even write it down, Lenny?

01:01:50 - We're just going through the ones we have now,

01:01:51 and then we'll go through another one.

01:01:53 We'll go through another round once we're done.

01:01:56 - I just think we just keep on going around and around.

01:01:59 - The rounds, rounds, the rounds.

01:02:01 The rounds.

01:02:03 - Can't just be rounds.

01:02:04 Everybody's gonna go, "Hey, there's the rounds."

01:02:06 "How's it going, fats?"

01:02:08 "Fat ass, fatso, round fat boys, fatties."

01:02:12 It needs to be like a bullet.

01:02:14 People need to know that it's a round,

01:02:15 like a put in the chamber.

01:02:17 - To me, it just reminds me of the whole cyclical nature

01:02:19 of the universe, you know?

01:02:20 There's the life-death cycle,

01:02:22 there's winners and losers.

01:02:23 - Take tomorrow off.

01:02:25 - Lenny, stop fucking crying.

01:02:26 - Take tomorrow off.

01:02:27 - And I don't want you guys to think about the game at all.

01:02:30 Okay?

01:02:31 I don't want you to think about the game.

01:02:32 I don't want you to think about anything we've done

01:02:34 all week long.

01:02:35 I want you to go through your normal routine,

01:02:37 whatever it is you do

01:02:39 when you're not thinking about paintball.

01:02:41 I want you to do that because trust that it's there.

01:02:43 Because it is.

01:02:44 - Put it in here.

01:02:45 Put it in here.

01:02:46 Lenny, come on.

01:02:47 - God damn it, turn it up.

01:02:48 - Let me just grab a camera for this.

01:02:49 - All right, come on, Lenny.

01:02:52 - Okay.

01:02:53 - All right, on three.

01:02:54 - Wait, I can't.

01:02:55 It's so mad.

01:02:57 - All right.

01:02:58 - Damn it.

01:02:59 - Ready?

01:03:00 (phone rings)

01:03:01 Oh, sorry.

01:03:01 Wait.

01:03:02 - One, two, three, Rounds!

01:03:04 (singing)

01:03:06 ♪ Hold 'em down, you Zulu warrior ♪

01:03:15 ♪ Hold 'em down, you Zulu chief ♪

01:03:17 ♪ Chief, chief, chief, chief ♪

01:03:19 And then you'd come in with

01:03:20 ♪ Isaac is in buzz and buzz ♪

01:03:21 It's a round.

01:03:22 It's like ro-ro-robot.

01:03:25 You don't have to do it.

01:03:26 (upbeat music)

01:03:29 - Eddie!

01:03:35 Eddie, I need you.

01:03:37 Come on, give me a little help.

01:03:39 Give me a little help, Lenny.

01:03:40 Lenny, come on, get my back.

01:03:42 Get my back, Lenny.

01:03:43 All right, here we go.

01:03:45 Just come follow me.

01:03:46 Show me.

01:03:47 Another river rat down.

01:03:50 Look at that, Eddie, we did it together.

01:03:51 - Hey.

01:03:52 Oh, hey.

01:03:54 - Hey.

01:03:55 - Hey. - Hey.

01:03:56 - What are you doing?

01:03:58 - Oh, just, I'm looking at the play

01:04:01 in a three-dimensional way, 'cause it's like, you know--

01:04:04 - I told you to take the day off, Lenny.

01:04:06 I told you, no paintball today.

01:04:07 No paintball, no nothing.

01:04:09 You gotta take a day off from paintball.

01:04:12 - I just had these guys laying around.

01:04:13 It was no big deal, you know.

01:04:14 - You have a lot of He-Man figures.

01:04:19 I wanted to give you this, my little--

01:04:21 - Notebook. - My little notebook, yeah.

01:04:24 You know, I just write down little ideas

01:04:26 and haikus and mystical bullshit.

01:04:30 I don't know, you might not even be able to read my writing.

01:04:32 I just want you to have that.

01:04:33 Maybe you'll, I don't know, maybe get something out of it.

01:04:35 Maybe not, just put it in a drawer.

01:04:38 - This is your notebook.

01:04:40 - Yeah, I really appreciate all your help

01:04:45 putting together the team.

01:04:46 I couldn't have done it without you.

01:04:49 Thank you.

01:04:52 - I couldn't do it without you.

01:04:54 - Thank you, yes you could have.

01:04:55 (laughing)

01:04:57 - Thank you.

01:05:01 Put these away, go watch TV or something, get some sleep.

01:05:04 - I'll see you later. - I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

01:05:05 Get some sleep.

01:05:06 - Yeah, you get some sleep. - All right.

01:05:08 - Bobby, I had a question.

01:05:15 You know Erica.

01:05:19 - My sister Erica?

01:05:21 Yeah, I know her.

01:05:22 - Is she dating, I mean, does she have a boyfriend?

01:05:26 - No, I don't think so.

01:05:30 - Okay, cool.

01:05:32 Some guy was asking, I was like, I'd ask you.

01:05:34 - Really, what guy was asking?

01:05:37 - Guy at the deli.

01:05:39 - Oh, okay.

01:05:41 - He wasn't, he didn't want to.

01:05:42 - Okay, cool.

01:05:43 - We just said bumped into him.

01:05:44 - Right, right, right, right.

01:05:45 - I'll tell him.

01:05:46 - All right, tell him that I don't think

01:05:47 she's dating anybody.

01:05:48 - Well, if I see him.

01:05:50 See you later, man.

01:05:53 (phone dings)

01:05:54 - The match is back on.

01:05:56 All right, here we go.

01:05:58 The match is the best match we've ever seen out here today.

01:06:01 Letting pair is unstoppable.

01:06:04 That is right.

01:06:05 What does Erica say from the crowd?

01:06:07 - Yes, yes.

01:06:08 - I can admit sometimes when I don't know

01:06:11 what you guys are talking about,

01:06:12 I just pretend like I do.

01:06:14 - I do the same thing.

01:06:15 - Really?

01:06:16 - Yeah.

01:06:17 - Yeah, I do that.

01:06:18 - I do that all the time with you guys.

01:06:19 I don't understand a goddamn word you say half the time,

01:06:21 but I'm on the team, you know, so.

01:06:23 - Yeah, I do understand.

01:06:24 - All right.

01:06:25 - I do understand.

01:06:26 - Yeah.

01:06:27 - Speaking of which, by the way,

01:06:28 Bobby, I want you to know something.

01:06:29 - Yeah.

01:06:30 - When I get my first kill today,

01:06:32 I'm gonna tear off a piece of their clothing

01:06:34 and I'm giving it to you as a prize.

01:06:35 I can't scalper it, no, but.

01:06:37 - Stop, don't do that.

01:06:38 - Stop it.

01:06:38 - All right, man.

01:06:39 - Where's Erica supposed to be here?

01:06:41 - Yeah, let's see.

01:06:42 I'm ready, Doug.

01:06:44 - Good.

01:06:44 - Oh, she is.

01:06:46 - You know why I've been working out my right hand

01:06:48 as much as my left hand?

01:06:50 Because when we hold up the trophy,

01:06:51 I wanna make sure I can hold that on either side.

01:06:53 - Now you're talking, Lenny.

01:06:54 (clapping)

01:06:55 - Nice.

01:06:56 - Hey!

01:06:57 - Let's go kill some men.

01:06:58 (clapping)

01:06:58 - Hey!

01:06:59 - Hey!

01:07:00 - Hey!

01:07:01 - Woo!

01:07:02 (upbeat music)

01:07:04 - Hey, hey.

01:07:05 - Hey.

01:07:06 - Hey.

01:07:07 - Hey.

01:07:08 - Hey.

01:07:09 - I got something better than five.

01:07:10 - Whoa, that's so cool!

01:07:12 - What do you got?

01:07:13 - Oh my God, what is this?

01:07:14 - Oh, I totally forgot.

01:07:15 - E-dukes!

01:07:16 - What is this?

01:07:17 - What the hell is that?

01:07:18 - Okay, wait.

01:07:18 - No.

01:07:19 - No way.

01:07:20 - Oh!

01:07:21 - No way!

01:07:22 - Oh, shit!

01:07:23 (clapping)

01:07:24 (cheering)

01:07:26 - Wait, no, no, no, no, stop!

01:07:28 I wanna do it, I'm gonna do it nice.

01:07:32 Frosty tears.

01:07:33 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:34 That's mine!

01:07:35 - Woo!

01:07:36 Hair.

01:07:37 - Awesome!

01:07:38 - Showtime, it says Showtime.

01:07:40 They call you Showtime.

01:07:41 - Hey, check it!

01:07:43 V-Force!

01:07:44 - Yeah!

01:07:45 - V-Force.

01:07:46 They only got a fan inside, how cool is that?

01:07:49 - Okay, well, there's more, so.

01:07:51 - No!

01:07:52 - Yes?

01:07:53 What do you do when you do paintball, what do you do?

01:07:55 - Cover.

01:07:56 - Kill.

01:07:57 - Shoot people.

01:07:58 - Yeah, guys.

01:07:59 - What do you shoot people with?

01:08:01 - A marker.

01:08:02 - Paint.

01:08:03 - A marker.

01:08:04 - A gun?

01:08:05 - A gun!

01:08:06 - A marker.

01:08:07 - No way.

01:08:07 - What?

01:08:09 - Oh my God!

01:08:10 - Oh!

01:08:11 - Yes!

01:08:12 - Give me a gun!

01:08:13 Get out of my fucking way.

01:08:14 I get this one, this one's Black Death.

01:08:16 I named it Black Death.

01:08:17 Fucking taste it.

01:08:18 - Stay down, stay down, bitch.

01:08:20 (laughing)

01:08:21 - An Icon-E, this is the coolest thing ever.

01:08:24 (laughing)

01:08:25 Thank you so much!

01:08:26 - Oh, there's the last one.

01:08:28 - That's the best.

01:08:30 Oh, this is awesome.

01:08:31 Check it out!

01:08:32 Woo!

01:08:33 Back at you!

01:08:34 - Fucking taste my fucking heat!

01:08:35 (mimicking gunfire)

01:08:39 - Use your middle finger, like this.

01:08:41 See what I'm doing?

01:08:43 - Yeah.

01:08:44 Yeah, I don't know.

01:08:46 - It's easy, it's easy.

01:08:46 - I don't know, I know what I know.

01:08:47 I think he's being dirty.

01:08:49 - No, Erica, I'm just showing you how to do this, look.

01:08:51 - Eddie, you know what?

01:08:52 I know what you're doing.

01:08:53 (laughing)

01:08:54 - Eddie.

01:08:55 - What?

01:08:56 - Oh, I wanna be in it too, though.

01:08:58 - Everybody, I want these guys to do it.

01:08:59 - Would one of you guys be busy?

01:09:00 One of you guys could do it?

01:09:02 - Everybody make a sign.

01:09:03 - Like the rounds sign.

01:09:04 - A non-verbal sign.

01:09:05 - How about the rounds?

01:09:09 - Rounds.

01:09:09 That's a good one, the rounds.

01:09:10 - Oh, the rounds.

01:09:11 - That's cool.

01:09:12 - One, two, three, cheese.

01:09:14 - Rounds.

01:09:16 - Rounds.

01:09:17 - Rounds.

01:09:18 - Rounds.

01:09:19 - Rounds.

01:09:20 - Rounds.

01:09:21 (upbeat music)

01:09:23 - Look out, daddy's coming, daddy's coming.

01:09:37 Daddy's coming, go.

01:09:39 (upbeat music)

01:09:41 (dog barking)

01:09:44 (gun firing)

01:09:54 - It's too fast, you could hurt somebody.

01:09:59 A lot of people are still playing.

01:10:01 - That's Sam Brown.

01:10:02 - That's Sam Brown?

01:10:03 - That's Sam Brown.

01:10:04 - I'll get the cover again.

01:10:05 - What's the--

01:10:05 - I'm gonna shoot right now.

01:10:06 - I'm gonna go Sam Brown for the cover,

01:10:08 or there's no dice.

01:10:09 - I'm gonna go over to Eric.

01:10:11 - You sure?

01:10:12 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:13 (gun firing)

01:10:14 - Fuck you.

01:10:15 - Okay.

01:10:15 - Hey, hey, woo, hi.

01:10:16 - Hey.

01:10:17 - What's going on?

01:10:18 - I'm just gonna go say hi to Sam.

01:10:19 - Nah, no, no, no.

01:10:20 - Sam's crying over there.

01:10:21 (gun firing)

01:10:23 - Oh, is this the crew from Fox News?

01:10:26 - No, no, no, no, no, these guys are--

01:10:28 - He's crying by himself?

01:10:31 - Yeah, no, he's got the court for himself for the moment.

01:10:34 You guys want autographs?

01:10:35 Is that what this is about?

01:10:36 - I got one.

01:10:37 - Clear.

01:10:38 (gun firing)

01:10:39 - 'Cause we can get a stack of eight by tens,

01:10:40 and he'd be happy to sign 'em.

01:10:41 He won't personalize 'em, of course,

01:10:42 'cause it's a busy day, but--

01:10:43 - Daniel, Daniel.

01:10:45 - Okay.

01:10:45 - It's all right, it's all right.

01:10:47 - You sure?

01:10:48 - Yeah.

01:10:49 - All of 'em?

01:10:50 - No.

01:10:51 - Thank you, nice to meet you.

01:10:53 - Yeah.

01:10:54 - How you doing, gentlemen?

01:10:55 What's up, dude, how you doing?

01:10:56 (gun firing)

01:10:58 - What's up, dude?

01:11:04 (gun firing)

01:11:10 - Yo, dude, yo, dude.

01:11:12 You're crossing the stream.

01:11:14 Don't cross the stream.

01:11:15 - Can't do that?

01:11:15 - No.

01:11:16 - How come?

01:11:17 - Because I'm Sam Brown, and I said so.

01:11:19 (gun firing)

01:11:21 All right, all right, dude, dude, dude, dude.

01:11:23 - She said he could come in,

01:11:24 so at the end of the day, it's her fault.

01:11:26 This is the crew from Fox News.

01:11:31 - What's up, dude?

01:11:33 - Kyle?

01:11:34 - As long as the guns are on the counter,

01:11:35 and the plugs are in, you guys can lift the goggles.

01:11:37 - Why are you shooting in my space, dude?

01:11:40 - Hey.

01:11:41 - Oh, shit.

01:11:42 - Yeah.

01:11:43 - Oh, shit.

01:11:44 - How are you, man?

01:11:44 Good to see you.

01:11:45 - What's up, dude?

01:11:46 - Hey.

01:11:47 - Look at this guy.

01:11:48 - Yeah.

01:11:49 - Get a load of him.

01:11:50 - Hi, Bobby.

01:11:51 - Good to see you.

01:11:52 - Where'd all your hair go?

01:11:53 (laughing)

01:11:54 - I left it all over.

01:11:55 (laughing)

01:11:58 - You're gray.

01:11:59 - Oh, really?

01:12:00 Am I gray?

01:12:01 No.

01:12:02 - You look great.

01:12:03 - I'm not.

01:12:04 Jet black, like my pubes.

01:12:05 Number one.

01:12:09 (laughing)

01:12:10 It's like my jersey.

01:12:11 - It says number two.

01:12:15 - It says number two 'cause I'm the shit.

01:12:18 Huh?

01:12:18 (laughing)

01:12:19 - That's right, baby.

01:12:20 - I thought you'd take my number.

01:12:21 - No, no.

01:12:23 The real number one is for cheaters, right?

01:12:25 - That's right.

01:12:26 - Right?

01:12:28 What is this?

01:12:29 This is a fancy little jersey you got there.

01:12:30 - Yeah, well.

01:12:31 - Yeah?

01:12:32 Somebody donate that stuff to you?

01:12:33 - Oh, look.

01:12:33 - Look.

01:12:35 - You know, uh.

01:12:36 - Is that your sister?

01:12:37 - That's Erica, you know?

01:12:38 We're doing over there with a bunch of Boy Scouts.

01:12:40 - Fuck you, Sam.

01:12:41 - I'm on a team, Sam.

01:12:42 - Oh, troop 1142.

01:12:44 - Bobby, what he's saying is fuck off, okay?

01:12:45 He's saying fuck off.

01:12:46 - I got it, I got it.

01:12:47 - Bobby Dukes can fuck off.

01:12:48 - Look right here, dude.

01:12:50 - He's locking it up.

01:12:52 - As cool as ice.

01:12:55 You remember that.

01:12:56 - Sam said it's time to fuck off.

01:13:00 - Hey, good luck in this thing, right?

01:13:01 - Yeah, I'll see you out there.

01:13:03 - Sam said it's time to fuck off.

01:13:04 - Hey, Bobby.

01:13:05 - Are you gonna play too?

01:13:06 - Bobby.

01:13:07 - Sam said it's time to fuck off.

01:13:08 - 'Cause I'd love to get you in a suit

01:13:10 and get you out there.

01:13:11 - I don't.

01:13:11 - Bobby.

01:13:12 - I don't shoot things, it's not.

01:13:13 - Don't forget to wipe.

01:13:15 - Very cliche.

01:13:16 - Don't forget to wipe.

01:13:17 - He's small potatoes.

01:13:19 Listen, I got a charity booking for you at the Luxor.

01:13:21 Bunch of kids with cancer, some sort of make a wish thing.

01:13:24 I was listening with half an ear, but.

01:13:25 - I'll shoot the fuck out of those kids.

01:13:26 - You don't have to take that.

01:13:27 - He's a jerk.

01:13:28 - I can't believe he's the champion.

01:13:29 - The thing is, is he hasn't changed at all, actually.

01:13:32 He's the same exact guy he ever was.

01:13:33 - Same as he always was.

01:13:35 - Bobby, how could you ever make friends with that guy?

01:13:35 - Let me go back down there and fucking kill this guy.

01:13:38 - Please, listen, now look at me, please.

01:13:41 You always blow that off.

01:13:42 You always blow me off when I say something like that.

01:13:43 Please listen to me, please.

01:13:44 - I don't want you to have a say.

01:13:45 - Let me go down there and do something about it, Bobby.

01:13:47 Come on.

01:13:47 - Yeah, let him do it.

01:13:48 - What are you gonna do?

01:13:49 - I'm gonna, I wanna take this

01:13:50 and shoot him at point blank range.

01:13:51 - And then you'll get kicked out of the sport for 10 years.

01:13:53 You'll have to travel the earth

01:13:55 and have sex with a lot of beautiful women

01:13:57 and all over the place.

01:13:58 - Whoa.

01:13:59 - Ladies and gentlemen, noble warriors,

01:14:01 can I have attention, please?

01:14:03 I welcome you to the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic.

01:14:08 There is no thin line between victory and defeat.

01:14:13 This lengthy day of elimination starts right now

01:14:17 with the rounds versus the Minutemen.

01:14:21 You start on my mark.

01:14:24 One, two, three, go.

01:14:27 (horn honking)

01:14:29 (guns firing)

01:14:32 I got you, go, go, go, go, go.

01:14:36 - Cinderella's castle, Cinderella's castle.

01:14:57 (guns firing)

01:15:00 - Lick it, lick it, lick it.

01:15:07 You like that, bitch?

01:15:11 - Showtime, let's go, let's go.

01:15:14 - It's just a game and that's it, that's all.

01:15:16 So don't worry about you, you won't get hurt,

01:15:17 you're not gonna get killed.

01:15:19 - Suck my barrel, suck my paint,

01:15:21 suck my paint, swallow my paint,

01:15:24 and you suck it, you suck it and you swallow it.

01:15:27 You swallow my paint, you swallow my load,

01:15:30 swallow my load, swallow my load.

01:15:33 Showtime.

01:15:36 - I'm just getting rolled out here, Jesus.

01:15:38 I'm a roller.

01:15:39 - Let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

01:15:41 Right here, right here.

01:15:42 - Put me where I'm going.

01:15:43 - Relax, I need you to relax, I need you, man.

01:15:45 All right, buddy, all right.

01:15:53 - Ow.

01:15:54 - Yeah, there we go, all right, there we go, we got him.

01:15:57 - Don't shoot, I've been hit.

01:15:59 Don't shoot.

01:16:00 - Go for it, Lenny, cover me.

01:16:02 - Go, go, go, go.

01:16:04 - Go, go, go, go.

01:16:05 - Check 'em, check 'em, check 'em.

01:16:09 - You're out.

01:16:11 - You're out.

01:16:12 - I'm not out.

01:16:13 - Check 'em.

01:16:14 - You're out, you're out.

01:16:16 - Lenny, shut up, shut up.

01:16:18 - Hey, if you're hit, you're out, you can't.

01:16:20 - You guys moving on the left.

01:16:26 - Left, left, left.

01:16:27 - B.B., let's see you move right, you move right.

01:16:32 - I'm out.

01:16:32 - Okay, I'm out.

01:16:34 - Watch out, watch out.

01:16:36 - I'm hit.

01:16:51 - I'm out.

01:16:55 - We're full, we're full, we're full.

01:16:58 - Oh shit.

01:17:17 - You see that, man?

01:17:18 - Yeah.

01:17:18 (crowd cheering)

01:17:19 Yeah.

01:17:20 (crowd cheering)

01:17:23 (woman cheering)

01:17:27 - Rouse, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, come on, man.

01:17:30 Six, seven, eight.

01:17:31 - One, two, three, crazy.

01:17:33 (upbeat music)

01:17:36 - Ha, that was awesome.

01:17:56 Imagine me shooting you in the face with paint.

01:17:59 That's what I'm imagining.

01:18:01 (upbeat music)

01:18:03 (crowd cheering)

01:18:06 - Come on, you can see, come on.

01:18:19 - Left, left, left, left, up, down, A.B., A.B., down, left.

01:18:24 - Check out, bro, check out.

01:18:32 - What time's your mom gonna pick you up?

01:18:34 What time is your mom gonna pick you up?

01:18:37 You fucker.

01:18:38 - Check out, check out, I got him, check out.

01:18:42 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:43 - Plank, plank, plank.

01:18:53 - Who's your master?

01:18:54 - I am, dog.

01:18:55 - Woo.

01:19:00 - I'm gonna be crazy, yo.

01:19:02 - Check it out, check it out.

01:19:09 See my dirty work.

01:19:11 Look at what daddy did.

01:19:13 (screaming)

01:19:20 - Ah, my ankle, my ankle, Bobby.

01:19:24 Bobby, my ankle, my ankle.

01:19:26 Come on, please, please.

01:19:26 Ah, okay, ah.

01:19:29 Go, Bobby, go, go.

01:19:31 - I got that.

01:19:33 Am I bleeding?

01:19:34 Is my leg bleeding?

01:19:36 - Are you okay?

01:19:37 - Yeah.

01:19:38 - Oh my gosh.

01:19:39 - Yeah, it's okay, it's okay.

01:19:41 - Oh my gosh.

01:19:42 Oh my gosh, it's so soft.

01:19:45 It's like a little baby right there.

01:19:50 - Oh, oh, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

01:19:56 - Hey, hey, hey, there's the big guy.

01:19:59 You're looking amazing out there, Bobby, gotta say.

01:20:03 That's some stellar work.

01:20:04 - Thank you very much.

01:20:05 - Are you working with anyone for endorsements?

01:20:07 For book deals?

01:20:09 For personal appearances?

01:20:11 Maybe some acting, two words, how we long.

01:20:14 - I wrecked the whole scene, I wrecked the whole scene.

01:20:16 I wrecked the whole scene.

01:20:17 - Bobby, you're doing such a good job.

01:20:19 You're doing such a good job.

01:20:22 Such a good job.

01:20:26 - The final elimination match will be

01:20:29 the Riverettes against Bobby Dukes and the Rounds.

01:20:34 Apocalypse is at hand.

01:20:37 - I'm okay, guys, I'm okay.

01:20:39 - He's okay, he just needs to walk around on his own.

01:20:41 - Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

01:20:42 - Walk a little bit then, walk.

01:20:43 - Without my shoe, I'm fine.

01:20:45 - Show me, show me.

01:20:45 - Okay.

01:20:46 - But you gotta play with the shoe.

01:20:49 - You can't play, you can't play.

01:20:51 - If this was any other game,

01:20:53 he'd be so over it.

01:20:53 - It's the finals.

01:20:56 We're playing to win, guys.

01:20:57 Lenny, you know this as well as I do.

01:21:00 You're a warrior.

01:21:01 We're playing to win, okay?

01:21:03 Second place is first place for losers, right?

01:21:07 - Erica, you gotta play.

01:21:09 You gotta play.

01:21:10 - We need you, Erica.

01:21:12 - Please.

01:21:13 - You're gonna do great.

01:21:14 - I won't do great.

01:21:15 I can guarantee you I won't do great.

01:21:17 - No, no, no, okay, we'll work it out.

01:21:19 - I hate when things are thrown at me.

01:21:20 - We're gonna protect you.

01:21:21 - We need five people.

01:21:22 We need five people, we're gonna get this qualifying.

01:21:24 - Nothing will happen to you, Erica.

01:21:25 - It's okay.

01:21:26 - Ladies and gentlemen, combatants and guests,

01:21:35 this is not the hour, this is not the minute,

01:21:39 but the moment of reckoning is upon us.

01:21:42 The final match for the championship

01:21:46 of the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic.

01:21:49 (cheering)

01:21:53 (whistle blows)

01:21:55 The Unirich versus the Rounds.

01:21:57 (cheering)

01:22:01 I guess it's all gonna come down to this, huh?

01:22:04 Unbelievable, I can't believe we're fucking playing

01:22:06 Bobby Dukes, what a joke.

01:22:09 You know what I'm gonna do, guys?

01:22:11 I'm gonna paint the words has been on his huge forehead.

01:22:14 - 'Cause you guys brought me here.

01:22:16 I didn't bring you here.

01:22:17 You guys chose me.

01:22:19 - Commence on my mark, three, two, one.

01:22:23 (cheering)

01:22:25 - Who's there?

01:22:32 Sam Brown's there, knock knock.

01:22:34 Who's there?

01:22:35 Sam Brown.

01:22:36 (drumming)

01:22:51 - Woo!

01:22:52 Come on, you prostitutes!

01:22:54 Come on, you slinky whore!

01:22:56 You're going down in one minute.

01:22:59 Let's go, oh shit!

01:23:03 (laughing)

01:23:05 Take it, you motherfucking pricks.

01:23:08 Cover me!

01:23:08 (drumming)

01:23:11 (cheering)

01:23:13 - Come on, showtime!

01:23:31 Shit, shit, shit.

01:23:38 - Oh, damn it!

01:23:40 Oh my hell.

01:23:42 - I'm out of here, I'm out.

01:23:44 - How about that?

01:23:45 How about it?

01:23:47 You're out, little fucker.

01:23:51 Steve, are you gonna, Steve, go to that bunker.

01:23:58 Come on, shit you myself.

01:24:01 Run like a girl.

01:24:08 - Holy, look at Bobby, I can see the fucking glow

01:24:09 off his forehead.

01:24:11 - I'm gonna go to the sausage, I'm clean, cover me.

01:24:25 - I got you covered.

01:24:26 - Two, three.

01:24:28 - Fuck, I'm doing it, Bobby.

01:24:31 - Check him, check him.

01:24:36 - What are you doing?

01:24:38 - Check him.

01:24:39 - He's wiping again, he's always wiping.

01:24:41 - Check him, what are you doing?

01:24:42 - His whole life he's wiping, his whole life.

01:24:46 Check him.

01:24:47 - I got hit, I knew I got hit.

01:24:51 And then they checked me and I had no paint on me

01:24:53 so I guess when I slid, it wiped off.

01:24:57 And the old Bobby, for just a second,

01:24:58 he jumped off the bench and he was like,

01:25:00 "Coach, put me in."

01:25:02 Nah, but I couldn't, no way.

01:25:06 - What the fuck?

01:25:08 What are you doing?

01:25:10 Fucking weirdo.

01:25:11 - What's up, man?

01:25:14 - What's going on, man?

01:25:16 - Bobby.

01:25:16 - What's up, bro?

01:25:20 - I fucked him, I fucked him.

01:25:22 I am fucking you in the face.

01:25:25 (dramatic music)

01:25:28 - It's getting mad night, little girl.

01:25:38 Go to bed, go to bed.

01:25:40 Go to sleep.

01:25:42 You see that?

01:25:51 You see that?

01:25:52 I'm invisible.

01:25:53 I'm totally invisible.

01:25:55 Look at this.

01:26:01 Sneaky son of a bitch.

01:26:03 That over there, I could easily shoot his foot.

01:26:06 I'm not going to, I'm gonna bunker him.

01:26:08 Another Sam Brown victory coming up.

01:26:11 (screaming)

01:26:19 What the fuck?

01:26:21 (screaming)

01:26:24 Yeah, Crosby.

01:26:26 - No way, I'm invisible.

01:26:28 I'm invisible.

01:26:32 (grunting)

01:26:38 - Oh shit.

01:26:46 Fuck you.

01:26:50 (cheering)

01:26:52 (upbeat music)

01:26:55 - Oh my God, oh my God.

01:27:22 - That's it, that's it.

01:27:24 - The world was thirsty for a miracle,

01:27:29 and you are the bartenders of whoop ass.

01:27:33 (cheering)

01:27:35 You served up a 16 ounce bottle of annihilation

01:27:39 with a devastation chaser.

01:27:42 - Hey, Drake.

01:27:45 - Chase it down with destruction.

01:27:47 - I love it.

01:27:48 - Present to the round, the championship trophy.

01:27:52 Of the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic.

01:27:56 (cheering)

01:28:00 Yes, yes.

01:28:00 You son of a bitch.

01:28:07 - I don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow.

01:28:08 When I wake up, today will teach me

01:28:10 whether I play paintball tomorrow,

01:28:12 or take a cooking class, or you know,

01:28:15 sell all my clothes, and I'll jump out of airplanes.

01:28:22 I don't know.

01:28:23 I don't know, ask me tomorrow.

01:28:29 Ask me tomorrow.

01:28:30 (upbeat music)

01:28:50 - All right, boys, welcome to the inner sanctum.

01:28:54 Watch your heads coming down here, all right?

01:28:59 Welcome to paradise, boys.

01:29:02 Have a seat, grab a seat, pull up a seat, come on.

01:29:06 Welcome to my dojo.

01:29:07 Look around, boys, did it all myself.

01:29:10 Look at my ladies.

01:29:11 Hello, ladies.

01:29:12 I met Jill Watson Brown through a group called AA,

01:29:17 or Alcoholics Anonymous.

01:29:19 I'm not alcoholic, but I was worried that one day I might.

01:29:23 When was the last time I saw you?

01:29:24 At the, was that the NWA concert?

01:29:28 - Yes, yeah, we were the only white guys

01:29:30 who were shrooming, yeah.

01:29:32 That was a bad place to shroom.

01:29:33 That was really bad.

01:29:34 - Stupid, stupid, stupid.

01:29:35 - We shroomed too much back in the day.

01:29:38 - Well, she's this month, that's February.

01:29:39 You wanna know why she's February?

01:29:41 'Cause she's got a jumbo thatch.

01:29:43 Look at her bush, look at it.

01:29:45 Look how big that is.

01:29:46 It looks like a tractor laid a skid mark

01:29:48 on her fucking taco.

01:29:49 (yells)

01:29:53 - Prophecy!

01:29:57 - Yay for Brian.

01:29:59 - Prophecy!

01:29:59 - Yay for Brian!

01:30:01 Hooray!

01:30:02 (fast forwarding)

01:30:04 - Paintball the laser tag is like Yanni the John Tesh.

01:30:09 Okay?

01:30:10 Yanni's real.

01:30:12 - Okay, you've had your fun.

01:30:14 This is hilarious.

01:30:16 You can stop waiting now!

01:30:18 - You can always buy other kids.

01:30:24 There are plenty of kids out there that wanna get bought.

01:30:27 - You have a broken vagina, it's broken.

01:30:29 - I had--

01:30:32 - Did Bobby Dukes break your vagina?

01:30:35 - Death and hellfire!

01:30:36 It's coming for you, America.

01:30:38 You better wake up and smell the hot coffee

01:30:40 under your nose, 'cause it's a fact.

01:30:42 Uncle Sam is coming to your house

01:30:44 as I'm talking to you right now.

01:30:46 He's coming to your house

01:30:47 and he's gonna burn it to the ground.

01:30:49 And he's gonna burn your children.

01:30:50 And he's gonna pour acid on your wife.

01:30:52 And that's a fact.

01:30:53 And there's nothing you can do about it

01:30:55 unless you join NOSO.

01:30:57 And that's a fact.

01:30:58 And I'm the president, I'm the best.

01:30:59 You come and join me, be part of the best.

01:31:01 Save yourself, save your family.

01:31:03 You wanna see your wife burned in acid?

01:31:05 You better wake up, America.

01:31:06 That's a fact.

01:31:08 Death!

01:31:09 Death!

01:31:10 Death!

01:31:13 (laughing)

01:31:15 - Holy shit!

01:31:17 (laughing)

01:31:19 [BLANK_AUDIO]

Scream VI - Blackballed

Category

Transcript

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