Stath Lets Flats | show | 2018 | Official Clip
Follows incompetent Greek-Cypriot lettings agent Stath, who works for the family business, Michael and Eagle. While Stat | dHNfclJiTDdSRDFJLW8
Transcript
00:00 Right. What are you doing?
00:04 Damn it!
00:05 Get it out!
00:07 Is it on me? Is that on me now?
00:08 No, it's on my bed.
00:09 No, it's on me. Get the pigeon off me!
00:11 It's not on you.
00:12 Where is it?
00:14 Come on, Peeper!
00:22 Stop! Stop! Stop! I'm open! Stop! Stop! Stop!
00:29 Back to me! Back to me!
00:31 Ruff!
00:32 You idiot! That's our goal!
00:34 What are you doing, you fucking tosser?
00:36 Sorry. I won't do it again.
00:39 Keep his ball. Keep his ball.
00:41 No!
00:42 You want it off me, bruv? You want it off me?
00:44 He's taking a pie out of me!
00:46 What are you doing?
00:49 Ruff!
00:50 We changed ends!
00:52 Why?
00:53 Because it's a goal!
00:54 I wonder what I was about!
00:56 What a save!
00:59 Sorry. It's a fiddly...
01:02 No.
01:06 Julian, do we have another key? You break the key.
01:09 We can't get inside?
01:11 Yeah. What do you want to do?
01:14 We're going to go home.
01:15 No. Oh, yes. No, no, no.
01:17 Um, no. The...
01:20 Basically, the thing is, it's a very simple flat inside.
01:22 I could just do, like, a description from outside here anyway.
01:26 A what?
01:27 Inside, yeah.
01:28 So, really, you just open the door,
01:30 and it's literally just a hallway
01:32 with a picture on the wall, like a Tudor one,
01:35 of an old bag with oranges and bread
01:39 and all the delights of the kitchen just spilling out of it.
01:42 Obviously, it's up to you whether or not you keep that.
01:44 Would you want to keep that?
01:46 Um, I don't know.
01:47 Right, yeah? And then directly ahead of you,
01:49 it's just some stairs, and you go up them.
01:51 Not too quickly, mind. You don't want to trip and scratch your back.
01:53 And then you get up to the top of the stairs to the landing,
01:57 and it's really just a case of rooms.
02:00 What are you going to do with it? Have you got a net or something?
02:03 Yeah.
02:05 Um, so, what? I go up, and then I give it a quick push,
02:12 and it's going to walk down the ladder?
02:14 No.
02:16 So, what have you heard about it?
02:18 Is it, like, quite nice and slow?
02:20 Is it going to be a bit quick and ridiculous?
02:22 What are you talking...? It's a pigeon. It's just flapping around.
02:24 Yeah, I don't want to do it. I know you don't.
02:26 I don't want you to do it. I wanted a professional,
02:28 but they sent you. Get on with it.
02:30 I am getting on with it.
02:32 I'm doing a lot of effort for you, actually.
02:34 Why are you taking the leather away from me?
02:36 You need to close the hatch.
02:38 I'll close it some of the way, but I need to leave it a bit open
02:40 so I can breathe.
02:42 Close the hatch.
02:44 It's not even up here. It's probably just rotting away.
02:46 Just look for it. Close the hatch and look for it.
02:48 Gross, man!
02:50 I can feel something.
02:52 Oh, my God, what is that?
02:54 It's like a sort of shirt. Do you have a shirt up here, Mike?
02:56 Oh, shit!
02:58 Oh.
03:00 So, Mike, I think that the pigeon just flew out of the loft.
03:02 Christ!
03:08 What are you doing?!
03:10 Get it out!
03:12 Is it on me? Is that on me now?
03:14 No, it's on my bed.
03:16 Get the pigeon off me!
03:18 It's not on you. Where is it?!
03:20 I'm going to get it with the...
03:22 Come back here, young lad.
03:24 That is not going to do it.
03:26 Oh!
03:28 Did that do it? Is it in?
03:30 No, it's not in.
03:32 I can't see it anymore.
03:34 Beak!
03:36 Crumbs!
03:38 Please, not anymore.
03:40 Mike!
03:42 What are you doing with the bag?
03:44 You need to be more calm or I'm not going to...
03:46 Crumbs!
03:48 Another telly!
03:56 Copy with me out the window, please.
03:58 Copy with me out the window, please.
04:00 We did it.
04:04 Good job, man.
04:06 I want you to watch out.
04:08 You did that.
04:12 Don't knock! Why are you knocking?
04:14 Because it's polite. You said I'd be calm.
04:16 Right, just go.
04:18 No, you fucking dog!
04:20 How are you swearing at my carol, man? Are you mad?
04:22 Get off the door. I'll buff you off.
04:24 Get your body off the door
04:26 or I'm going to take it to the church, to the graves part.
04:28 What are you doing?
04:32 You are legally required
04:34 to give me fair warning
04:36 before you let yourself in that door, OK?
04:38 Do you know what? Totally agree with you.
04:40 110. Also, lovely to talk to you
04:42 face to face, isn't it, without this thing in the way.
04:44 It was like something that would blind-date that, wasn't it?
04:46 Also, I'm really sorry about him.
04:48 Sorry about me?
04:50 He was blocking the door, girl.
04:52 And by the way, it's illegal for your flat
04:54 to stink so dreadfully.
04:56 Why do you even want to...
04:58 What are you doing? I want that note kicked!
05:00 Brainwave, why don't we pop to the cafe around the corner
05:02 for a giggle and a biscuit?
05:04 Let the flat air out a little bit, what do you think?
05:06 I don't want to go to a cafe, I don't want a giggle and a biscuit.
05:08 All it needs saying is that we had an agreed rate
05:10 for this flat and it has doubled
05:12 and now I'm confronted with a madman
05:14 letting himself in... What the hell are you...
05:16 ...and now he's kicking my cupboard!
05:18 What the hell are you talking about? Just get out of the flat, you smelly boy.
05:20 No, smelly boy. Yeah, exactly.
05:22 No, it's rude, isn't it? Now, that's not how we do things,
05:24 is it, Mr Rune? Is it Rune or Rone?
05:26 Rune. Rune.
05:28 That should be my surname, shouldn't it?
05:30 I'm the one letting flats, for goodness sake,
05:32 we're rooms.
05:34 That's funny. I don't think that's funny.
05:36 Shut it, shut the door!
05:38 What are you doing?
05:40 I'm still in the flat, can I come out?
05:42 I'm going to punch you in the tongue.
05:44 I meant to close it but I'm...
05:46 Oh, my God. Do you know what?
05:48 It's a relief. The smell in there...
05:50 I told you to wait in there. I can hear the smell.
05:52 I told you. Give me the keys.
05:54 Just give me the keys, I have to go back in now.
05:56 I left the keys on the floor in there.
05:58 No, don't put your hands on the wall.
06:00 Why do you keep acting like this?
06:02 It's rude to me.
06:04 Like, don't... Like with nothing.
06:06 The inside of the flat is spectacular
06:08 but the outside truly is
06:10 an absolutely garden.
06:12 You could even have a garden birth.
06:14 Sounds mad, obviously, but people do
06:16 birth in very strange places.
06:18 I saw a thing about a woman
06:20 gave birth into a bottle.
06:22 OK, let's get you outside.
06:26 Welcome to the garden of an Eden.
06:30 What? No.
06:32 Do you mind...
06:42 Do you mind going away for ages?
06:46 Sorry, Clinthian.
06:48 Yeah.
06:50 Um...
06:52 There isn't going to be a viewing.
06:54 It's cancelled because the rubbish
06:56 in the garden is still
06:58 apparent in...around.
07:00 Yeah, no, that's fine.
07:02 We like the flat, so...
07:04 What? Yeah, well, we wouldn't be moving in
07:06 for a few weeks, so it'll be clear by then, right?
07:08 Yeah.
07:10 Oh, this is nice, isn't it?
07:12 We didn't get to probably look at the garden.
07:14 Can we get a sense of how big it is?
07:16 Yes, come just to look at it.
07:18 Come on, Mummy and Daddy.
07:20 Do you have a name picked out for the little pike?
07:22 Yeah, we actually have David.
07:24 David, much better name than his name.
07:26 So the garden is still a bit of a twisty pickle,
07:28 but you've just got to use your imagination
07:30 to think what it could look like,
07:32 cos it could be very nice.
07:34 It's just a mess at the moment, you know what I mean?
07:36 OK, so let's get inside.
07:38 OK, if you'd like to follow me.
07:48 Go on, quick, quick.
07:50 Not too quick. Careful of David.
07:52 Do you need to call someone?
07:54 Oh, yes. Yeah, call someone.
07:56 OK, back off to your house,
07:58 where you live now. It's quite safe.
08:00 There. Bye.
08:02 What's going on? Yeah.
08:04 I think it's really picking up.
08:06 I think we should...
08:08 I'm just going to call someone now.
08:10 Is it lit already? No, it's on fire instead.
08:12 Fire? In the garden?
08:14 Yeah, probably the house now as well.
08:16 Oh, God.
08:18 Oh...
08:20 It's not too bad.
08:22 Strong!
08:26 She stayed strong for us.
08:28 When the insurance men come here,
08:30 they're actually very sweet, genuine men,
08:32 and they went like...
08:34 They said this. "It's not that bad."
08:36 To be clement with you,
08:38 most of it's not even burnt.
08:40 It's just dirt from where the fire burnt it.
08:42 It's just dirt from where the fire burnt it.
08:44 It's just dirt from where the fire burnt it.
08:46 [BLANK_AUDIO]