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The Lucy Show S5E12-Lucy And the Monkey
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00:00 [ Music ]
00:09 >> The Lucy Show.
00:11 [ Music ]
00:15 >> Starring Lucille Ball.
00:18 [ Music ]
00:20 >> Co-starring Gail Gordon.
00:24 [ Music ]
00:46 >> Aren't those reports finished yet?
00:49 >> Which ones, sir? You gave me so many.
00:53 >> I'm not done with my reports.
00:54 >> Oh, no, sir. They're not ready.
00:56 >> Well, I thought you were taking them home with you last night.
00:58 >> Well, I did take them home last night, Mr. Mooney, but I didn't work on them.
01:00 >> Well, I hope they enjoyed the visit.
01:03 >> Well, the reason I didn't work on them last night is because I was on the phone for hours trying to sell the tickets for the bank benefit.
01:11 When I finally got to bed, I talked in my sleep.
01:14 >> A likely story. How do you know you talked in your sleep?
01:17 >> Because when I woke up this morning, I found out I had sold myself ten tickets.
01:22 >> You can't afford ten tickets.
01:24 >> I know, I know.
01:26 >> Well, you sell them to someone who can pay for them.
01:28 >> Yes, sir. I understand.
01:30 >> Meanwhile, you cannot neglect your regular duties.
01:32 >> No, I don't mean to.
01:34 >> No, no, I never neglect anything. What do I do when I have extra work?
01:36 >> You give it to me.
01:38 [ Laughter ]
01:40 >> I do not. Now, I want to see all of the weekly statements, and Mr. Cheever is waiting for the Gordon report.
01:46 >> Yes, sir.
01:48 >> Oh, did you type up those letters I dictated this morning?
01:51 >> Oh, no, sir. Not yet, sir.
01:52 >> What do you do with your time?
01:55 [ Laughter ]
01:58 >> Honestly.
02:00 >> Hi, Missy.
02:03 >> Oh, oh. Oh, you frighten me. What are you doing here, Mary Jane?
02:07 >> We had a lunch date, remember?
02:09 >> Oh, I forgot.
02:11 >> You forgot?
02:13 >> Yeah, well, I'm not sure I can go to lunch. I got so much work, honey. Maybe I can go for 15 minutes.
02:17 >> Lucy, you know, I tried to call you last night several times. Your line was always busy.
02:20 >> Yeah, I was on the phone until after midnight trying to sell tickets for the bank benefit. Oh, would you like to buy some tickets?
02:26 >> I already did.
02:28 >> Oh, that's right. I forgot.
02:30 >> Lucy, you're getting very forgetful. And with all this work you've got to do, you have to sit up half the night selling tickets?
02:36 >> Well, Miss Mooney asked me to, you know, and it's for a very worthy cause.
02:39 >> You're pushing yourself too hard. You're going to have a nervous breakdown.
02:44 >> Oh, Mary Jane, a nervous breakdown. Now, that's a lot of poppycock.
02:47 >> That's just what my cousin said when I warned her.
02:51 >> When you warned what cousin about what?
02:53 >> My cousin Barbara. I warned her she was working herself into a state of nervous exhaustion. "Poppycock," she said.
03:00 Next thing we knew, she started having hallucinations.
03:04 >> What kind of hallucinations?
03:06 >> The kind you have when you have a nervous breakdown.
03:10 >> Mary Jane, I never felt more calm, cool, and collected in my whole life. Now, will you...
03:15 [Clapping]
03:18 >> Mr. Mooney.
03:20 >> Yes, sir.
03:22 [Phone ringing]
03:24 >> Mr. Mooney's office. Oh, just a moment, please. It's for you, Mr. Mooney. Mr. Robert Bailey.
03:30 >> Oh, Bob Bailey. Yes, he's that friend of mine who's going to entertain at the Bank Benefit.
03:36 >> Hello, Bob. Oh, look, look, look, Bob. I'm glad you called. I want to invite you to stay at my place while you're here.
03:42 Yeah, we can reminisce about our college days.
03:45 [Singing]
03:48 >> What? Max? Who's Max? Oh, you have a partner in your act now.
03:54 Well, there's plenty of room at the house for you and your partner. Guess my wife's out of town. Bye.
04:00 >> Here are those statements, Mr. Mooney.
04:04 >> Uh, I still have a little work to do on them.
04:07 >> You haven't finished them yet?
04:09 >> Not quite.
04:11 >> Not quite?
04:13 >> Well, let me put it this way, sir. I haven't even started them yet.
04:15 >> Well, you better start on them before you start out the front door for the last time.
04:18 >> Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
04:20 >> Now, I want these finished so I can take them home over the weekend.
04:22 >> Well, don't worry, Mr. Mooney. I'll have them finished. I'll work on them over time. At no expense to the bank. And I'll bring them over to your home.
04:28 >> Well, you see that you do.
04:31 >> Yes, I will.
04:34 >> Honestly.
04:35 >> He always tries to make a monkey out of me.
04:40 >> Oh, Lucy, he'd drive anybody crazy. Come on, honey, I'm starving.
04:43 >> Now, wait a minute. I've got to think of some things here. I've got to take these home. I've got to finish these this afternoon. I've got to do the typing.
04:49 >> Okay. Maybe I'd better take those with me. Maybe I can do some while I'm having lunch and think I'll take the tickets. Maybe I can sell some tickets.
05:01 >> I hear a chinger. Bob Bailey's here. I'm back again. Back again. Here's the weather changer. Mooney, baby, I'm here. Mooney, baby. Mooney, baby.
05:17 >> Oh. Mooney. Ah, you move.
05:22 >> I guess he's not here, Max. Come on in.
05:26 >> Will you get a load of this layout, partner? Is this something? Oh, boy, he's really done all right since the old school days, old Mooney. I'll tell you what, Max, you sit here, wait for me. I'll see if I can find him, okay?
05:41 >> Make yourself comfortable.
05:43 >> Boy, that was a good lunch.
05:47 >> Yeah, yeah, I sold some more tickets.
05:49 >> Too bad you didn't eat anything.
05:52 >> Well, I was too busy. Gee, I'm kind of worried. I thought I had 15 of these statements. I only could find 12.
05:58 >> Maybe you forgot and left them on Mr. Mooney's desk.
06:01 >> Mary Jane, for the last time, I am not forgetful, and I am not about to have a nervous breakdown, and I'm not about to have hallucinations. So relax, doctor. Maybe I did leave them on his desk.
06:14 [ Laughter ]
06:37 >> Come on, Max, you better stay with me.
06:40 [ Laughter ]
06:50 >> Are you all right?
06:52 [ Laughter ]
07:00 >> Oh, hi, Mr. Mooney.
07:03 [ Laughter ]
07:09 >> What's the matter?
07:11 >> Mr. Mooney?
07:13 >> Yeah, what's the matter?
07:15 >> Nothing. Nothing. I just need a little drink of water, I think.
07:19 [ Laughter ]
07:26 >> They are Mooney, baby.
07:29 >> Oh, ha, ha.
07:32 >> I can't remember that second word.
07:34 >> I got a surprise for you. I want you to meet my new partner, Max.
07:39 >> Wonderful. Good. Love you.
07:41 >> Max, come on in and meet my old friend, Mooney.
07:43 >> Are you married?
07:45 >> Max?
07:47 >> That's Max, the greatest partner I ever had.
07:50 >> Yeah, but he's a monkey.
07:52 >> Well, that's why he's a great partner. Works for peanuts.
07:56 >> Relax, Mooney. He's gentle as a lamb and smart as a whip.
08:01 >> Well, he's almost human.
08:03 >> But there you are, you see. You got to be almost human to be a vice president of a bank, don't you?
08:07 >> Look, Bob, I've told Mr. Cheever all about you.
08:11 >> All right.
08:13 >> He's very anxious to meet you, so let's go into his office, shall we?
08:15 >> Cool it, Max. I'll be right back and take you to lunch.
08:17 >> No, no, we can't go to the Brown Derby. You're not wearing a tie.
08:22 [audience laughter]
08:32 >> You all right, honey?
08:34 >> Yeah, yeah, I feel a lot better.
08:36 >> You know, Lucy, I've been thinking, I know you don't believe this, but you really are working too hard.
08:42 Now, just to be on the safe side, why don't you call my cousin a psychiatrist?
08:47 >> A psychiatrist? Mary Jane, that's ridiculous. Now, I'm perfectly all right and I don't need a psychiatrist. Honestly.
08:55 >> Gee.
08:57 [audience laughter]
09:14 >> Mary Jane, how do you spell psychiatrist with a P or an S? Huh? How do you say it? How do you...
09:20 [music]
09:24 >> Now, Mrs. Carmichael, just relax and tell me your problem in your own words.
09:28 >> Well, um, it's, uh, it's not my problem, doctor. It's my friend's problem.
09:34 >> I see. Go on.
09:37 >> Well, my friend is secretary to a banker, a Mr. Mooney, and today she, uh, had an hallucination.
09:47 >> How did she know it was a hallucination?
09:49 >> Well, because every time my friend looked at her boss, she saw a monkey instead of Mr. Mooney.
09:56 [audience laughter]
09:58 >> Would you call that a hallucination?
10:00 >> Yes. Yes, I would.
10:02 >> I was afraid you would.
10:06 >> Mrs. Carmichael, tell me about this banker who looks like a monkey to your friend.
10:12 >> Mr. Mooney, oh, he's enough to drive anybody crazy. Not that my friend is crazy, you understand, but she has been very overworked.
10:20 >> I assume she finds her boss a slight problem?
10:23 >> Slight? Spends his whole day raving and ranting and trying to make a monkey out of me.
10:28 >> Her.
10:30 >> Her. Her. Yeah, I need her.
10:32 [audience laughter]
10:35 >> Of course. That's what causes her hallucinations.
10:37 >> What?
10:39 >> Her subconscious is making a monkey out of Mr. Mooney before Mr. Mooney can make a monkey out of her.
10:44 >> Oh, for heaven's sake.
10:47 >> Her hallucination is based on fear.
10:49 >> On fear?
10:51 >> And the only way to fight fear is to face it.
10:53 >> You mean face Mr. Mooney?
10:55 >> No. Face this hallucination and look right through it.
10:59 >> Once your friend realizes this man cannot make a monkey out of her, he'll stop looking like a monkey to her.
11:04 >> And the hallucination ends. It's as simple as that.
11:07 >> Oh.
11:09 >> Face your fear and it will disappear. The words of my favorite psychiatrist.
11:14 >> Freud?
11:16 >> No, me.
11:18 [audience laughter]
11:20 >> Now, Mrs. Carmichael, if your friend will follow my advice, I'm sure that her hallucinations will disappear.
11:26 >> Oh, doctor, I'm so grateful to you. Thank you so much.
11:29 >> Not at all.
11:31 >> I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. Goodbye.
11:33 >> Goodbye.
11:35 >> Doctor.
11:40 >> Yes?
11:42 >> There's something I feel I must tell you.
11:44 >> What is it?
11:46 >> Well, I'm afraid this might come as a bit of a shock to you.
11:49 >> Well?
11:51 >> I'm the one who sees Mr. Mooney as a monkey.
11:55 >> You're kidding.
11:56 >> I knew you'd be stunned.
11:59 [audience laughter]
12:01 >> Way to go, sweetheart. Easy. No tricks. No tricks, Maggie.
12:11 >> What?
12:13 >> Whoa.
12:15 >> Come on now. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
12:20 >> Look, will you tell your Simeon Socrates here to stop swinging on my banister?
12:25 >> I'm sorry, Mooney. He always climbs things when he gets hungry.
12:28 >> Oh, does he eat anything besides books?
12:31 >> He'll take a banana now and then.
12:33 >> Bananas? Well, I think there's some in the kitchen. Come on, I'll show you where they are.
12:36 >> You cool it, Max, and I'll be right back with your din-din.
12:40 [monkey noises]
12:42 >> How do I know if he's got any coconuts?
12:44 [audience laughter]
12:47 [cough]
12:48 >> Mr. Mooney, it's me, Mr. Carmichael.
12:52 [audience laughter]
12:56 >> Steady, Lucy, steady. Face your fear and it'll disappear.
13:05 >> Hi, Mr. Mooney.
13:11 I brought the statements, Mr. Mooney, and I worked very hard to get them all finished.
13:16 Mr. Mooney, before you read the statement, there's something I'd like to say.
13:22 And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything until I'm finished.
13:29 Mr. Mooney, I just wanted to say that I've worked for you for quite a while and you're a wonderful person.
13:37 And even though I'm only an employee, I really feel that I'm just as much of a human being as you are, you know?
13:44 [audience laughter]
13:46 Wait, Mr. Mooney, let me finish.
13:48 I just wanted to say that if I make any more mistakes, I beg of you, don't make fun of me.
13:53 Don't try to make a monkey out of me all the time.
13:56 Because if you keep that up, I'm afraid I'll just have to look for another job.
14:00 You understand, Mr. Mooney?
14:02 >> Understand what?
14:05 >> Oh, Mr. Mooney, boy, am I glad to see you again.
14:10 >> Mrs. Carmichael, is there something the matter with you?
14:14 >> Not anymore. Now you can read the statement.
14:17 >> Oh, thank you. I have to go upstairs and get my glasses.
14:19 >> Oh, I'll get them for you. Where are they?
14:21 >> Well, they're in the den upstairs, but I don't see any reason to go.
14:23 >> No, no, you sit down and relax. I'll be good to you if you'll be good to me.
14:27 Don't you worry about a thing.
14:29 [Dog barking]
14:35 >> Oh, well, say, that banana looks good.
14:39 [Dog barking]
14:41 >> Don't worry, I wouldn't take yours for the world. I can get my own.
14:45 [Dog barking]
14:47 [Laughter]
14:52 [Laughter]
14:54 >> There they are. I cleaned them all up for you.
15:02 [Laughter]
15:13 >> Face your fear. Face your fear.
15:16 I'm facing my fear, but it won't disappear.
15:20 [Laughter]
15:21 >> It stays right here.
15:23 [Laughter]
15:25 >> Mr. Mooney, may I use your phone?
15:29 [Laughter]
15:35 [Door opening]
15:43 >> Dr. Parker, this is Lucy Carmichael. I'm so glad you're in.
15:49 Listen, I tried to do what you said about the hallucination, but I'm with Mr. Mooney right now,
15:54 and he keeps switching from a monkey to Mooney and to a monkey again.
15:57 It's just no use, doctor.
15:59 What?
16:01 Yes?
16:03 And bring Mr. Mooney with me?
16:05 >> Mrs. Carmichael?
16:07 [Laughter]
16:09 >> Yes?
16:11 >> Who are you talking to?
16:14 >> You know, I'm Dr. Parker, a psychiatrist, and I think you should go down and see him right away.
16:19 [Laughter]
16:21 >> I beg your pardon?
16:23 >> I mean, he's very wealthy, and he's thinking of opening an account at your bank.
16:28 >> Oh! Oh, good, good. Well, tell him to come down to the bank first thing Monday morning. I'll take care of him personally.
16:34 >> Oh, but he's so busy, Mr. Mooney, he can't ever get away from his office.
16:38 Oh, yeah, he's got so many patients, he's up to three couches already.
16:42 So please, let's go and see him right now before another bank gets his account, huh?
16:45 >> It's a good idea. All right. Well, I better go and put a jacket on. I want to make an impression on a new depositor, you know?
16:51 >> Good. Now, wear that new one you had on the other day.
16:53 >> Yes, well, I have the whole suit. I'll be right down. Yeah.
16:56 >> Dr. Parker, I talked Mr. Mooney into coming to your office with me. Yeah, we'll be right down.
17:02 Yeah, thank you, doctor. Bye-bye.
17:05 [Screams]
17:07 Oh!
17:09 My, that was quick.
17:12 That is a nice jacket.
17:13 I'm sure that you'll make a good impression on the doctor.
17:19 Well, I, uh...
17:21 Come on, we'll go, Mr. Mooney.
17:23 [Dog barking]
17:25 Come on, Mr. Mooney. We'll go down to the doctor's office. It's just downtown.
17:29 [Dog barking]
17:31 Come on, Mr. Mooney. Come on.
17:34 Come on.
17:36 Stand up straight. Come on.
17:40 [Door slams]
17:41 Okay, Max, here's your dessert.
17:44 Max, come on, stop.
17:47 Max!
17:49 Max!
17:52 Max, get out of that car!
17:54 Max, come back here! Max!
17:56 Mooney!
17:58 You can't get here.
18:00 Oh, Bob.
18:02 >> Where's Mrs. Carmichael?
18:04 >> Is she a red-headed dame?
18:06 >> Yes, that's my secretary.
18:09 >> Good heavens!
18:10 >> I wonder what she sees in him.
18:13 >> I wonder what he sees in her.
18:18 >> Dr. Parker.
18:24 >> Well, Mrs. Carmichael.
18:26 >> Hello.
18:28 >> Nice to see you.
18:29 >> Thank you.
18:30 >> Where's Mr. Mooney?
18:31 >> Oh, he's waiting in the reception room.
18:32 He's reading the Wall Street Journal. He enjoys that.
18:35 And I wanted to see you first and remind you not to say anything to him about my thinking that he looks like a monkey.
18:41 You know, nothing about my hallucinations.
18:43 >> I understand, Mrs. Carmichael. I won't say a word.
18:45 >> Okay, thank you, doctor.
18:47 Come in, Mr. Mooney.
18:50 Doctor, I'd like you to meet Mr. Mooney, the vice president of our bank.
18:57 [Mooney barks]
19:00 [audience laughs]
19:01 >> Mrs. Carmichael, is this what looks like a monkey to you?
19:11 >> Dr. Parker, for heaven's sake.
19:14 He can hear you, you know.
19:16 >> But Mrs. Carmichael.
19:21 >> You promised you wouldn't say anything in front of him.
19:23 That's terribly unprofessional.
19:25 What about your hypocritical oath?
19:28 [audience laughs]
19:29 >> But Mrs. Carmichael, this is not a hallucination.
19:34 This is a monkey.
19:36 >> Oh, come on, Dr. Parker. Don't try to humor me.
19:40 >> I'm not humoring you.
19:42 This is a monkey, not a man.
19:44 You understand, Mrs. Carmichael?
19:46 A monkey, not a man.
19:48 >> Oh, yes, yes. I understand, doctor.
19:51 Yes, yes, I understand.
19:54 >> You have no hallucinations.
19:57 >> No, no, I don't have any hallucinations.
19:59 >> You're all right. Understand?
20:01 >> Yes, of course I understand. Of course.
20:03 >> You can go home now and take your monkey with you.
20:06 >> Yes, I'm on my way, doctor.
20:08 And thank you very much, doctor.
20:10 You've got to get out of here before he gets violent.
20:12 [audience laughs]
20:14 >> Bye, Mr. Mooney.
20:16 Bye, Mr. Mooney.
20:18 [audience laughs]
20:20 [audience laughs]
20:21 >> Mrs. Carmichael, you have done some ridiculous things in your day.
20:49 But would you explain why you took Mr. Bailey's monkey to a psychiatrist?
20:54 >> Yeah, lady, I'd like to wait until we're both stars, then we can go together.
20:59 >> You mean this is...
21:01 You mean this is really a monkey and you're really Mr. Mooney?
21:05 >> Well, do I look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Park?
21:09 >> You made me the happiest girl in the world.
21:12 >> Well, bully for me, bully for me.
21:14 >> You see, Mr. Mooney, I came down here because I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.
21:18 And because I was working so hard at the bank, you know, trying to sell your tickets for the benefit.
21:22 Oh, that reminds me, Mr. Mooney, I haven't sold any tickets this afternoon.
21:26 Doctor, would you like some tickets for our bank benefit?
21:29 It's for a very worthy cause.
21:31 >> No, I haven't got time.
21:33 >> Oh, he hasn't got time.
21:35 Oh, you want some tickets?
21:37 Oh, wonderful.
21:39 Oh, want some more?
21:41 Oh, thank you.
21:43 Oh, you got a lot of plans?
21:45 Oh, maybe you'll take Tarzan and Jane.
21:47 [Music]
22:16 [Music]
22:17 [Music]
22:18 [Music]
22:19 [Music]
22:20 [Music]
22:21 [Music]