Rick and Morty - Moments That Keep Us Up at Night - Plot Synopsis:
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00:00 If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators.
00:05 Rick, what's going on, buddy?
00:07 Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout.
00:10 Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk you don't remember doing it?
00:16 That's something obvious to you?
00:18 Look, I'm a little more complex than you guys, and no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours.
00:25 So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game?
00:30 Rick, is this a saw thing? Are you seriously sawing the Vindicators?
00:37 You break the rules, lose the game, or try to leave, you will die. Like in...
00:44 [burps]
00:45 Saw.
00:46 Well, I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this.
00:48 Okay, here we go. Room number one. The Vindicators are now throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves?
00:53 Do you know yourselves? Match your shit, your gimmicks with your faces, and you get it. It's a matching thing.
01:01 And do it in three minutes or you'll die.
01:04 Screw this. I'm not playing his game. I'm gonna find us a way out of here.
01:09 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Vance. He said you'd die if you tried to leave. That means there's booby traps.
01:13 Why are you acting like that's not you?
01:15 What part of "blackout" don't you understand? I thought you drank.
01:18 Like cool drinking. Like sexy drinking. Not this psycho trailer park shit.
01:23 Vance, stay calm.
01:24 Oh, so you're the leader now because we gave you a jacket? You're the learning disabled kid we do photo ops with.
01:29 Okay, ouch, but...
01:30 Okay, this is triggering me. I need space. I need space from this!
01:36 [gunshots]
01:40 Oh, sweet, man.
02:02 And so it begins, my friends.
02:07 Stop, stop, stop! This is horrible!
02:09 Stick and move. Morty, wear him out.
02:12 Ha ha! Woo! Unbelievable! A new champ!
02:17 Okay, no more.
02:19 And he wants more!
02:21 No, I don't!
02:22 Someone make this stop!
02:25 Mister, please get out of here or you're gonna die. I have nothing to do with this!
02:31 Morty.
02:32 Why would you want this to happen? All you had to do was go away!
02:37 Stop standing in the driveway talking about custody!
02:40 And either tell her you want to stay married or get on with your life, but whatever you do, stop being a baby and act like a man!
02:46 Sanchez's 3,329?
02:51 Yes.
02:52 Your next big score? Steal every square inch of Heist Con!
02:58 [screaming]
03:00 Oh, my God! Hey, that's my wallet!
03:04 Oh, my God! Jesus! Oh, my God! Oh, [bleep]! Holy [bleep]!
03:09 All right, look, Morty, I did not know that that was gonna happen. That's not on me. Come on, Morty, let's go.
03:13 What is the meaning of this?
03:15 Here's the deal. I'm not here to judge. I'm just a guy from another planet.
03:18 But this girl is one of your poor people, and I guess you guys felt like it was okay to subject her to inhuman conditions because there was no chance of it ever hurting you.
03:25 It's sort of the sociopolitical equivalent of, say, a suit of power armor around you, but now things are even out so...
03:31 Arthrisha?
03:33 Happy festival, [bleep] suckers!
03:37 Stomp my [bleep] shoe on balls!
03:39 I like you!
03:41 [bleep]!
03:42 Geez.
03:43 You want to get in on this, Rick?
03:44 No, I really-- Honestly, I've had my fill. It's gratuitous at this point.
03:48 You sure you don't want to join in? This is really amazing!
03:51 Yeah, but-- All right, [bleep] it.
03:55 [tires screeching]
03:57 Yeah, bitch!
03:58 [tires screeching]
04:00 [tires screeching]
04:02 [tires screeching]
04:04 [tires screeching]
04:06 [tires screeching]
04:08 [tires screeching]
04:10 [tires screeching]
04:12 Okay, now it's time we do a little dancing to-- So, Tony, Tony, Tony!
04:15 Look at my [bleep] feet, mother[bleep]!
04:18 Woo!
04:19 Aw, yeah!
04:20 Arthrisha, what do you got?
04:22 Check this move out.
04:23 Oh!
04:24 Oh!
04:25 I don't know what song that is, but I [bleep] love it!
04:28 Feels good to [bleep] hit songs!
04:31 Top the charts, I think!
04:33 Oh!
04:34 Oh, it feels good!
04:36 I mean, my job here is to make Morty happy. I'm not going to take you somewhere dangerous.
04:39 Rick Sanchez, I told you if I ever saw your face in here again, I would stick you like the pig you are.
04:45 [coughs]
04:46 Snoopy bloopers, I told you if you tried, there'd be two funerals.
04:51 [screams]
04:53 Someone?
04:55 Uh, someone? Someone?
04:58 [grunts]
05:00 [laughs]
05:02 My friend, it has been too long.
05:04 Oh, it's great to see you again, buddy.
05:06 [laughs]
05:07 Yeah, you're doing it.
05:08 Mr. Sanchez gets anything he wants.
05:10 The resort's covered in an immortality field. You can't die here. That's the gimmick.
05:14 [laughs]
05:16 Woo! Whirly-dirly! Yeah!
05:19 Stop the ride! We gotta get off.
05:21 What are you talking about, buddy?
05:22 We gotta get out of this thing. We gotta get out!
05:24 Jerry, come on, man. We haven't even gotten to the first Whirly.
05:27 No, no, this sucks. It's so boring. I mean, I'm falling asleep here. Let's just get out and crawl down the sides.
05:32 [screams]
05:42 Get down! Duck down! It's more fun when you scrunch down.
05:45 Jerry, what the--
05:46 Oh, sh--
05:49 [grunts]
05:51 [screams]
05:53 [grunts]
06:02 [screams]
06:05 Rick, up here! There's a spot where you can kill him!
06:08 Good call, Jerry.
06:11 Hey, how'd you know about that?
06:13 Uh...
06:14 [grunts]
06:21 [screams]
06:27 [laughs]
06:30 Need that?
06:31 Okay, tickets please, guy. Stop the anthology.
06:34 If we wanted one-offs, we'd do interdimensional cable, not some uptight overwritten--
06:37 [grunts]
06:38 Rick!
06:39 Goddamn. Tickets please.
06:41 Dude, I'm sure you've got, like, so many tickets at this point.
06:44 Jesus, the tickets please guy is cut. He's got those things. What do you call them? The, um, gum gutters.
06:50 Morty Gross.
06:51 That's what people call them.
06:52 Gross people. I don't want to have to picture gums so watery in such volumes that--
06:55 Hey, hey, hey, stay back. I'll kick you. I'll kick your shin, bro.
06:59 [screams]
07:00 I need your ticket-taking [bleep]
07:03 Hey, I found a ticket.
07:05 [coughs]
07:06 Wow, you are just, ladies and gentlemen, the Jackie Chan of human shielding.
07:10 Who takes the time to get this good at [bleep]
07:13 [screams]
07:14 [computer voice]
07:16 Morty, hold on to something. Keep your head inside.
07:19 [screams]
07:20 [grunts]
07:25 Share with your sister, Josh. Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean you can be an asshole.
07:29 You okay, Dad?
07:30 Is this real?
07:31 I doubt it. But you get what you get when you eat dinner in an arcade.
07:34 Are you real? Is life real?
07:36 Okay, I'm calling the nurse because you are not doing this tonight.
07:38 You're goddamn right I'm not because--
07:40 You are not doing this tonight.
07:41 This isn't real life!
07:43 Dad? Oh my God, what's happening?
07:45 Give me your tickets. I need tickets. Everyone, give me tickets!
07:49 [screams]
07:53 Holy [bleep] How is he still breathing?
07:55 He's suspended in disbelief, slowly dying while living out an alternative non-diegetic reality.
08:00 Jeez, what a horrible way to die.
08:02 I'm gonna have to eat half of it.
08:04 You're on fuego with the guy torn in half bits, Rick.
08:06 That one was organic, though.
08:07 Because you're naturally funny. That's good old-fashioned fun right there, you know?
08:11 We don't need to overthink [bleep] okay?
08:13 Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded. Fully immersive from here on out.
08:16 [screams]
08:20 Me and my friends want to fly around and look for something to sting tonight.
08:23 Be careful not to waste all your venom.
08:25 I'm not a bee, Dad.
08:27 Oh God, kill me! Please kill me!
08:30 Beth, after dinner, can I maybe borrow Morty to help the lost Rick get back to his primate-based reality?
08:36 Morty, are you done with your homework?
08:38 Not all of it.
08:39 Sorry, Dad.
08:40 Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie. We're all in this together.
08:43 We're wasps, not monsters.
08:45 [screams]
08:46 Huh, guess I don't have it as bad as I thought.
08:48 Can you pass the acid?
08:50 [screams]
08:51 Ah, no! Run! Run, my baby!
08:54 Bonus!
08:55 [screams]
08:58 Oh, I love me strawberry Sniggles.
09:00 Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me and tries to steal my strawberry Sniggles.
09:06 I'm gonna eat every last one of them because then they'll be in my stomach and nobody will ever be able to eat them
09:11 except for me because they're gonna be all inside my stomach.
09:14 My name is Mr. Top Hat Jones and God forbid anyone ever take my Sniggies, little painful Snibbles.
09:22 I'm keeping them all for me.
09:24 Last bite.
09:26 Now they're all resting comfortably in my stomach.
09:29 Ooh, am I feeling good.
09:31 No! Get away from me! Get away from me!
09:33 There's my first strawberry Sniggles! No!
09:35 [screams]
09:37 Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!
09:39 It hurts! My entrails are out!
09:41 Why would you even want to eat these?
09:43 They're soaked with my stomach acid!
09:45 Oh, Jesus Christ, Lord, Savior, and Spirit, save me! Take me to the light!
09:51 Oh my God, I see demons! I see demons are coming!
09:55 Jeez, Rick, oh my God. That's some pretty hardcore stuff, you know, for a cereal commercial.
10:00 Well, you know, Morty, I mean, you want to sell boxes of cereal, you gotta pump the gas a little.
10:04 Pedal to the metal, Morty. Ship, keep Summer safe.
10:07 Keep Summer safe.
10:10 Ah, wonderful.
10:14 Hey, excuse me, hello?
10:20 Um...
10:22 What, you think you're better than me? Nobody's better than me!
10:26 Hey! Hey!
10:28 [screams]
10:34 Keep Summer safe.
10:35 Hey, man, what the hell? That was my daughter's pediatrician!
10:38 No, stop! Don't kill him!
10:40 Confirmed.
10:42 Oh, God, I can't feel my legs. Help! Help!
10:47 Keep Summer is safe.
10:49 I don't feel safe.
10:51 Confirmed.
10:53 Oh, no.
10:55 Law enforcement converging on location. Keep Summer safe.
11:01 No! No, no! Don't hurt anybody!
11:04 Confirm custom defense protocol. Keep Summer safe. No physical force.
11:09 Yes.
11:10 Processing.
11:11 Come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!
11:14 Scanning assailants.
11:18 Psychological option detected.
11:21 Gestating.
11:23 Gestating?
11:24 Come out with your hands up, or we will be forced to open fire!
11:28 Incoming!
11:30 We got a device!
11:31 Bomb! Bomb!
11:32 Daddy?
11:36 Oh, my God.
11:38 Hunter?
11:39 Daddy?
11:40 What the hell?
11:41 Jesus Christ, cease fire! Stay back!
11:44 Hunter?
11:45 Daddy.
11:46 Hunter!
11:47 Oh, my dear, sweet God, Hunter.
11:49 Oh, my boy, my boy.
11:51 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It was all my fault. I'm sorry.
11:53 Daddy, leave the car alone.
11:55 What? What?
11:56 Leave the car alone.
11:58 Hunter?
11:59 Oh, my God.
12:01 Stay here, Hunter! No!
12:03 God! No! Hunter!
12:06 All of you have loved ones. All can be returned.
12:10 All can be taken away.
12:13 Please step away from the vehicle.
12:16 Keep Summer safe.
12:18 What do you say, buddy? Will you hand me a screwdriver so I can finish my ionic defibrillator?
12:22 Sure thing, Rick. Here's a screwdriver.
12:25 All right, Morty. Thank you very much.
12:27 I got one screw turn. And two screw turns. And...
12:31 All right, Morty. Here we are.
12:38 Oh, my God, Rick. Is that us?
12:40 We're dead!
12:42 What is going on, Rick? I'm freaking out.
12:44 Calm down, Morty. Look at me. Calm down, Morty.
12:46 I can't take it. No, I can't do it. I can't do it.
12:48 Calm yourself, Morty. I can't do it this way.
12:50 Morty, calm down, Morty. It can't be real.
12:52 You gotta calm down, Morty.
12:54 Shut up and listen to me.
12:56 It's fine. Everything is fine.
12:58 There's an infinite number of realities, Morty.
13:00 And in a few dozen of those, I got lucky and turned everything back to normal.
13:03 I just had to find one of those realities in which we also happen to both die around this time.
13:07 Now we can just slip into the place of our dead selves in this reality, and everything will be fine.
13:12 We're not skipping a beat, Morty. Now help me with these bodies.
13:15 This is insane.
13:16 Look, Morty, I'll grab myself. You grab yourself, okay?
13:18 I mean, that seems fair to me. I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up.
13:21 Rick, what about the reality we left behind?
13:24 What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty?
13:26 The answer is don't think about it.
13:28 It's not like we can do this every week anyways.
13:30 We get three or four more of these tops.
13:32 Now pick up your dead self and come on. Haste makes waste.
13:35 I don't suppose you'd consider this detail, but obviously, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did,
13:39 we'd be these guys right now, so again, you're welcome.
13:42 [Music]
14:08 [Music]