BoyWithUke is back at Genius to discuss his latest hit “Trauma,” which has been streamed over three million times on Spotify to date. The song is also produced by the mysterious singer himself and off his most album Lucid Dreams. On this episode of Verified, find out why this deeply personal track is a therapeutic release for the artist.
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MusicTranscript
00:00 I wrote trauma as a sort of letter to myself.
00:04 I wanted it to serve as a reminder
00:06 that I shouldn't let my past define who I am
00:09 and who I want to be.
00:11 (upbeat music)
00:13 So I was actually a little bit apprehensive
00:19 about sharing this with people at first,
00:22 because obviously it's a very personal experience I have.
00:26 And part of me wanted to keep it that way,
00:27 but I feel like getting it out there,
00:31 it'll help my fans, help others know
00:33 that they aren't alone in their trauma.
00:37 ♪ Growing up, I never had a lot of money ♪
00:41 ♪ I never had a phone, always was a little hungry ♪
00:43 ♪ Used to find it hard to sleep ♪
00:44 ♪ When I could hear my mother sobbing ♪
00:46 ♪ I was 10 back then ♪
00:47 I grew up in poverty for most of my childhood.
00:50 I didn't get to have a lot of things.
00:52 I didn't get to have my own bedroom.
00:53 My little brother and I,
00:55 our beds were like literally in the living room.
00:57 And there were nights where my mom,
00:59 she'd come sit at the dining table,
01:00 which was also in the living room.
01:02 She'd just like cry for hours.
01:04 But the school did give discounted lunch prices to us.
01:10 So it wasn't all that bad.
01:11 ♪ I didn't have a room, had to buy you shoes ♪
01:13 ♪ I hid behind tunes to avoid abuse ♪
01:16 ♪ And every time I fell, I would blame it on myself ♪
01:18 ♪ Even if it was an accident ♪
01:20 I felt like a lot of things were just my fault.
01:22 Like I would blame myself for not having money.
01:25 Like it was my fault.
01:26 Even if it was accidental,
01:27 if I did something like a mistake,
01:29 a simple mistake that everyone makes,
01:30 I would take it so personally
01:32 and sort of hate myself for making this mistake or accident.
01:55 I feel like people are always judging me
01:58 and always thinking things about me,
01:59 but it's just not true.
02:01 People don't give a fuck.
02:02 Everyone's just living life the same way you are.
02:24 There are a lot of times in my life
02:26 where I just want to give up.
02:29 The biggest thing for me was realizing
02:31 that I can ask for help.
02:33 You can ask for help.
02:35 There are people out there who want to help you.
02:37 That verse is just like pretty much about high school.
02:48 High school was rough.
02:49 I felt like I was worthless
02:52 or like I wasn't worth as much as my peers.
02:56 When I write about wanting to be dead and masking it,
03:13 I mean it metaphorically.
03:15 I wouldn't tell people about how I felt.
03:17 And as evidenced by this, I'm literally wearing a mask.
03:22 Because it's all I know, my hands around my throat.
03:27 Pray that I won't let go this time around.
03:31 But every single time I try to shut my eyes,
03:36 I see the reason why I'm not alone.
03:39 Growing up, I had a lot of suicidal thoughts,
03:42 especially in high school.
03:44 My parents were arguing and fighting all the time.
03:47 My friend group was very toxic.
03:49 Toxic.
03:51 And I was getting bullied
03:52 and getting into physical fights with people.
03:56 And overall, it was just not a good state of mind to be in.
03:59 But I think throughout all of it,
04:01 the silver lining is that all these experiences
04:03 helped shape the person I am today.
04:05 I'm working on taking this trauma
04:08 and the bad things that have happened to me
04:10 and turning it into music.
04:13 I'm working on an album, actually.
04:15 It's a very, very personal project
04:17 of things that have happened to me in my past and my traumas.
04:21 And I hope that people, when they listen to it
04:24 and the songs in it, that they really resonate
04:28 and feel that they are not alone in their experience.
04:33 This has been therapeutic to talk about.
04:36 This sort of thing usually costs me money.
04:38 It's like, "I'll give you $50 per session."