A small group of inexperienced criminals dive head first into a plot to kidnap a United States senator. Things don't go | dG1fNU5NTjVvcjY5WUU
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:03 Beautiful.
00:20 Did anyone see you?
00:22 Not a soul.
00:23 Fantastic.
00:25 Let's make a movie.
00:26 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:29 Hello, America.
00:41 Do we have your attention now?
00:44 We, the people, are sick of our leader spitting on us,
00:49 disrespecting us, and worst of all, ignoring us.
00:55 I mean, we tried time and time again.
00:59 No.
01:01 You had to come to this.
01:04 I want you to take a good, hard look at--
01:07 who is that?
01:13 What?
01:15 Who the hell is that?
01:16 It's Senator Greg Mitchell.
01:19 That is not Senator Greg Mitchell.
01:21 Turn off the camera.
01:22 [MUSIC PLAYING]
01:25 Where did you find this person?
01:30 He was walking towards the senator's base.
01:32 District office.
01:33 Yeah, he said his name was Greg.
01:35 Oh my gosh, you freaking morons.
01:39 Do you not realize how many hundreds of Gregs
01:40 there are within 10 minutes of this place?
01:43 Did you ever think to maybe look up a picture of the guy
01:46 before we started this whole process?
01:48 I mean--
01:49 No.
01:50 You mean no.
01:52 Great.
01:53 In fairness, they look a little similar.
01:56 They don't even look remotely similar.
02:00 Not all middle-aged white dudes look the same.
02:03 [GROANING]
02:07 Greg?
02:08 Yes?
02:09 Look, there's not an easy way for me to tell you this.
02:12 I swear, I wasn't going to hurt the senator.
02:15 I just wanted to talk to him a little bit.
02:18 Yeah, OK.
02:20 I don't know what kind of secret service, FBI covert group
02:25 you're all part of, but I know my rights,
02:28 and I want a lawyer.
02:30 I want a lawyer here.
02:32 Yeah, we totally respect your rights and all that stuff,
02:34 but if you could help us understand a little bit
02:39 better, we can make things more comfortable for you.
02:43 I just wanted his autograph.
02:45 You wanted his autograph.
02:48 [SIGHS] It just has anything to do with that long rant
02:52 that I posted on the internet.
02:55 I was drunk and trying to be funny.
02:59 Please, I wouldn't hurt anyone.
03:01 God bless America.
03:03 Give us a second.
03:07 What is he talking about?
03:08 He sounds like a loon.
03:10 No idea.
03:10 OK, was he doing anything out of the ordinary
03:12 when you grabbed him?
03:13 Just walking towards the senator's base.
03:15 Office.
03:16 District base office.
03:17 Wait, he did have a gun on him.
03:19 Why am I just now hearing about this?
03:22 We thought it was protection.
03:23 Yeah, because we thought he's the real Greg.
03:24 The real Greg?
03:25 The senator guy.
03:26 OK.
03:27 Where is the gun now?
03:28 Hey, I'm not afraid of you people.
03:33 You got nothing on me, and I'm ordering you to give me a phone
03:36 so I can call a lawyer.
03:36 Yeah, we're working on that, man.
03:38 I know what this is, and I know who all of you are.
03:41 You've been watching me for years.
03:44 Nobody believed me, but I knew.
03:48 I knew what that Mitchell and his thugs had been up to.
03:51 Dude, relax.
03:53 You people are the reason this country is the laughing
03:58 stock of the free world.
03:59 You shot me.
04:05 Why?
04:06 What did you do?
04:08 The man was clearly insane.
04:09 I did the world a favor.
04:13 We're kidnappers, not murderers.
04:16 Like there's a difference.
04:18 There's a huge difference.
04:19 Help me.
04:20 Nick.
04:21 It's Nick, right?
04:23 Yeah.
04:24 Do you know anything about cleaning up human blood?
04:26 Of course I do.
04:27 No, he doesn't.
04:29 Because like I said, we're kidnappers, not murderers.
04:33 Holy crap.
04:35 I cannot even comprehend how badly you screwed this up.
04:39 What is wrong with you?
04:41 Wasn't the goal of all this stupidity
04:43 to send a little message?
04:45 The camera is still rolling.
04:47 Yeah.
04:48 Big twist.
04:49 I never turned it off.
04:51 Post the video.
04:52 I guarantee in 24 hours, no one's
04:55 going to give a crap about this guy or the senator
04:57 he probably was trying to assassinate.
05:00 I honestly never even heard of Senator Mitchell
05:02 until I joined this kidnapping squad.
05:06 This sucks, man.
05:08 We got to do something about all this blood.
05:09 I know.
05:12 I might know a guy.
05:13 [MUSIC PLAYING]
05:42 Who is he?
05:44 That's Greg.
05:46 Greg who?
05:47 Is that all you know?
05:51 I'm pretty sure he's an assassin.
05:53 Would-be assassin.
05:56 Greg, the would-be assassin.
05:58 Wow.
06:01 Y'all really know how to serve it up down here.
06:10 I'll take care of everything for $35,000.
06:16 You have $35,000?
06:17 No.
06:18 Well, how are you going to pay the man?
06:20 Me?
06:21 I'm not the one who needs this taken care of.
06:23 You're the one that went off--
06:25 Oh, oh, ladies.
06:29 I get it.
06:31 Stuff out there.
06:31 We can work out a payment plan.
06:38 This is completely ridiculous.
06:40 Well, maybe we can just take care of everything ourselves.
06:44 What was that?
06:44 I said maybe we could just take care of it.
06:51 Anyone can pop somebody in the head
06:59 and throw them in a dumpster.
07:00 That's easy.
07:02 But those poor suckers get caught.
07:04 You want to know why?
07:06 Loose ends.
07:07 That's why I exist.
07:09 I take your hot garbage and I wrap it up like a frickin'
07:12 Christmas present.
07:13 So are you feeling cocky?
07:16 Or has Christmas come early this year?
07:19 Because I'm on the clock, people.
07:21 And that timer started ticking the second I got the call.
07:25 Just make it go away.
07:28 We'll find the money.
07:30 Smart woman.
07:33 Now, do you have a Bluetooth speaker?
07:36 [MUSIC - THE BROADWAY BAND, "COME ON AND LET ME IN"]
07:40 [MUSIC - THE BROADWAY BAND, "COME ON AND LET ME IN"]
07:44 [MUSIC - THE BROADWAY BAND, "COME ON AND LET ME IN"]
07:48 [MUSIC - THE BROADWAY BAND, "COME ON AND LET ME IN"]
07:52 OK.
08:17 You can expect to hear from me in one to two business days
08:20 in regards to your bill.
08:21 Do not contact me.
08:24 I will contact you.
08:25 One more thing.
08:31 This whole crime thing you all seem
08:33 to be dipping your toes into, you suck at it.
08:39 Don't quit your day jobs.
08:41 Thanks, man.
08:43 My pleasure.
08:44 [CAR DOOR SLAMS]
08:45 [ENGINE REVS]
08:47 [SIGHS]
08:48 This has been the worst night of my entire life.
08:52 Well, it's over now.
08:54 So chill.
08:55 Chill?
08:56 You want me to chill?
08:57 Hey, hey, hey, hey.
08:58 We've been at this for hours.
09:00 Can we please call it a night?
09:03 Yep.
09:05 And you can consider this my official resignation
09:08 from the fabulous four.
09:10 Oh, if I ever see your face again--
09:12 What?
09:14 You'll kidnap me?
09:16 Please.
09:17 Hey, Chloe.
09:21 What?
09:22 You want to grab some coffee sometime?
09:28 [MUSIC - "I'M BOUND TO DROWN IN MY SINS"]
09:30 This life been running through my veins.
09:34 And I've only got myself to blame.
09:39 I'm bound to drown in all my sins.
09:45 If I'm your Friday night special, won't you come on
09:48 and let me in?
09:51 [MUSIC PLAYING]
09:54 [MUSIC PLAYING]
09:58 [BLANK_AUDIO]