2016 recording of the show by Dutch comedian Paulien Cornelisse. In this performance Cornelisse is concerned with all th | dG1fX2hYY0duVTQydHc
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 What I can be very happy about is the idea that the language should have existed.
00:09 So logically, it should be possible to bring it back.
00:12 There should have been one person who looked around and thought,
00:19 "Well, I'll say something."
00:24 And what was that?
00:27 I would have a lot to say about that, to know what that first person was, what was said.
00:32 We don't know that, we don't know. There were no tape recorders yet.
00:36 It would have been very coincidental if just then someone, and on play and on rack at the same time...
00:42 No, of course not. No, we don't know that.
00:46 Fortunately, research has been done on what was likely.
00:49 The first thing that was said, research done by myself.
00:55 What was likely was an old man who forbids his child something.
00:58 Because that sounds very ancient-like and you don't have to do anything about it.
01:03 Letters or something, that's not in there yet.
01:05 It sounds like this, right?
01:07 You hear, it's very easy. It goes straight from the throat.
01:12 And it can also easily be altered to a real word.
01:16 And then of course millennia go by, but I'll do it quickly.
01:20 So this is alteration.
01:24 No.
01:25 I'm not a scientist, but I sometimes think, why not?
01:31 And because it's such a simple sound, it never really had to change.
01:36 I think that's nice. It just always stayed there.
01:39 That sound has always been there.
01:41 So I'm sure the Greeks and the Romans said that too.
01:44 And in the Middle Ages too.
01:46 And the Renaissance.
01:47 And the Baroque.
01:48 The Rococo.
01:49 Or vice versa, I don't know exactly.
01:51 Rococo, I don't know.
01:53 Industrial Revolution.
01:55 First World War.
01:56 Second World War.
01:57 No!
01:58 So even now, you hear it everywhere, in a shop.
02:03 It's a kind of pronunciation, and I call it, from my expertise,
02:07 the "Varens" of our language.
02:10 Paulien, explain.
02:16 Yes, please.
02:17 Once, during the dinosaur era, there were also ampharens.
02:22 And those ampharens were exactly like they are now.
02:25 They're just those rolled up green plants,
02:27 that at some point think, this is my moment.
02:30 And those ampharens, we thought then,
02:34 while everyone is busy with evolution, and bigger, better and faster,
02:37 we thought those ampharens were like...
02:39 I'm fine like this.
02:43 I like it, nice color, green.
02:46 Yes, no, we're standing over there.
02:48 No, we'll leave it like this.
02:51 Through all that history,
02:53 all those difficult things in the Middle Ages,
02:55 with body properties, and phases, and so on.
02:57 And also, ta-da! An ampharen, I like that.
03:00 Through all those wars,
03:02 you can now walk into the intra-garden, and ta-da!
03:05 There they are again, our friends from the Pleistocene.
03:09 And you should see it like this.
03:13 It's actually the same.
03:15 There are more of those sounds, by the way.
03:18 I know for sure that those primitive people,
03:20 that there was always someone who said...
03:23 And that they intuitively knew,
03:27 "Now, don't say anything."
03:29 "We can't say anything else, so it's relatively easy."
03:36 "It's about the ideas."
03:38 Or that there was someone who...
03:40 "Stop it, sorry."
03:42 "Sorry" didn't exist yet.
03:44 The word "sorry" wasn't there yet.
03:46 You know, there were often mistakes,
03:49 with those bumps, like "Bam!"
03:51 "Oh, wrong one!"
03:53 Sorry gesture.
03:55 This is what you see a lot in cave paintings.
03:58 The early examples of the "sorry" gesture.
04:00 Or in Egypt.
04:02 But anyway, cultural differences.
04:04 Okay, there's another sound,
04:06 also a sound that's so simple,
04:08 that it never had to change, and it never will.
04:11 That's just a powerful sound.
04:13 So I want to say it,
04:15 and I want to ask you,
04:17 if you want to deal with it with policy.
04:20 Because with power comes responsibility.
04:23 It's a sound, yes, what does it do?
04:27 It's a sound with which you can destroy everything post-rock.
04:31 So someone says something, you think, "Hey, that sounds fun."
04:34 But then another person makes that sound,
04:36 and you think, "Oh, that didn't sound fun at all."
04:38 So that's what it does.
04:40 It's a very, very, very kind of power.
04:42 I'll make that sound, and we'll know what we're talking about.
04:45 This is a...
04:47 Very powerful.
04:50 You can really throw away family dinners with it.
04:53 Or imagine how history could have gone differently.
04:57 "I have a dream that we as one people will go to that mountain."
05:01 Yeah, okay, well, screw it.
05:04 Or the first man on the moon.
05:06 "This is a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind."
05:10 And then the second man on the moon, Buzz Aldrin,
05:13 he also takes the intercom and says...
05:16 Historical moments, huh?