Retro Ups & Downs: First Ever WWE Raw
Our retro review the first ever episode of WWE Raw!
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00:00 The 11th of January 1993 is when the first ever Raw is War aired live. If you can believe it.
00:08 If you tune in on Peacock or the WWE Network when they take the adverts out,
00:12 you can get through the whole thing in 45 minutes. Whereas today it is 3 hours.
00:20 It is quite fascinating to watch though because these days WWE is so obsessed with being slick
00:24 and all polished and having crazy production values. Whereas back in the early 90s it kind
00:29 of looks like I put it together. It is also absolutely not the show that it would morph
00:33 into all these years later. So I was sitting around and thought to myself,
00:36 why don't I take the retro fist of power and give the good bits and up and the bad bits and down
00:41 for the first ever episode of Raw. So that's what we're going to do right now.
00:46 Who is the first person we ever see on WWF Raw? I'll give you a minute.
00:49 That's right. It was Sean Mooney. He makes me happy in my tum tum because it just hits my
00:56 nostalgia gland so hard. As does Bobby the Brain Heenan who also turns up and he wants to break
01:02 into the building but he's not allowed because for one night only on commentary he's been replaced by
01:07 local DJ Rob Bartlett. And I'll just tell you now, if you want to know what the worst thing about the
01:12 first ever Raw is, it's flubbing Rob Bartlett. You then get the opening titles, which is the
01:16 most 80s thing you've ever seen in your life, even though this was happening in 1993. And the amount
01:22 of saxophone in it, well, it's almost criminal. This is where you see the Manhattan Center for
01:26 the first time. You're just like, how the hell is this Raw? It looks nothing like it. But we do get
01:31 welcomed by Vince McMahon. He's joined by Randy Savage and flipping Rob Bartlett. And the first
01:37 thing that Rob Bartlett says when they're talking about Yo Kizuna is that he wears a diaper.
01:42 But let's just get this out of the way right off the bat. This guy is absolutely terrible. Now,
01:47 I understand what WWE was doing. They were like, oh man, if we bring in a local celebrity, I suppose
01:51 he can help with the promotion. But he is so offensive. He is so insulting. And he's just
01:55 flipping bad. For example, the first match is Zunes versus Coco Beware. And even though he's
02:00 already torn apart, Yoko, he then turns his attention to Beware as he says, I always wondered
02:06 what happened to Gary Coleman when he grew up. I was like, that's racist. That is actually racist.
02:11 Somebody get this man off my TV down. Coco Beware also comes out to Owen Hart's music,
02:16 because obviously they were teaming at the time. And I'll tell you this, and I'll tell you it
02:19 straight. This match is absolutely terrible. The thing is, though, Yoko Zuna is such a treat,
02:25 because despite being a 400 pound plus man, he moves around the ring like he's a cat. Like when
02:31 he hits the rope in order to get Coco Beware a leg drop, it's almost as if he's 200 pounds lighter.
02:36 And you just look at him the whole time going, this guy doesn't make any sense. It does make
02:40 me laugh because of course Yoko was Samoan, but the whole time we're like, he's a Japanese sumo
02:44 wrestler. And around about this time is when our friend Rob Bartlett starts saying, Hey Vince,
02:51 shouldn't he be wearing a bra and look at his ass? This is what I did. I stared off to the distance
02:56 and I shook my head and I thought to myself, why did I ever get into wrestling? Anywho, this is
03:01 the slowest thing you'll ever see in your life. But the point was to establish Yoko Zuna as a
03:05 massive dominant threat, which is why eventually he wins with the buns I dropped. Now I'm going to
03:09 give this an up just because I like Yoko Zuna so much, but seriously, our finishing move was never
03:14 the best finisher because he climbed to the second rope and he'd take his bum and he'd squash you,
03:19 but it was quite clear he'd never actually touch you. However, that's better than the alternative
03:24 because he probably would have crushed people's ribs. You get an advert for the Royal Rumble and
03:28 I tell you, memories are a crazy thing because the production values on this are bad. They're
03:34 just terrible. Once again, it's like I sat down and tried to put it together, but it was so retro,
03:39 I was just a three-year-old again. I was like, man, I've got to order that pay-per-view. You
03:43 don't have a ring girl who's just walking around the squared cycle with a sign that says Monday
03:47 Night Raw, so it's the most 90s thing ever. When Vince McMahon throws to a backstage promo with
03:52 Bobby Heenan, even though we've already been told that Bobby Heenan is trapped outside. He is here
03:57 though, cutting a promo on Mr. Perfect, telling him at the Royal Rumble, he's going to introduce
04:02 him to Narcissus. Now I'm sure most of you are aware that this was Lex Luger, who would eventually
04:06 become the Narcissus Lex Luger, but before they use his real name, that's right, they were just
04:12 going to call him Narcissus. If you do want to see how bad it was though, just go and watch that
04:16 Royal Rumble where they say it over and over and over again. I mean, no wonder they changed their
04:21 mind. To keep it nice and simple though, nearly everything that Bobby the Brain Heenan does is
04:25 awesome. Those are getting up. The Styler Brothers then come out to the greatest wrestling theme
04:31 you've ever heard in your life. Like when it came into my ears, I was like, oh sweet,
04:34 I've won the wheel of fortune. And I realized that wasn't even on the show. Never forget too,
04:39 that even back in 1993, Scott Styler was absolutely jacked. We kind of just associate
04:45 that with his WCW days, but it's not true. He is ridiculous. But it's also back to his nonsense,
04:50 because he's legitimately saying, well, I don't know which Styler Brother is who. It's like, man,
04:54 why didn't do your research? And we go back to the production values after this,
04:58 because Howard Finkel is so low in the mix, I couldn't even hear the name of the tag team they
05:03 were facing. Now, thankfully, the commentators go, oh, it's the Executioners. But for a good while,
05:07 I was like, I have no idea. This is full on WWF too, as we're distracted on purpose constantly
05:12 by Doink in the background, who's just mucking around with the fans. But then back in the ring,
05:17 I was dying of laughter, because Rick Steiner is so stiff and so over the top. When he goes to send
05:24 one of the Executioners into the ropes, he throws them so hard, they fall over and they hit the
05:30 second rope. I was like, man, this stuff's supposed to be predetermined. He then kills the same dude
05:36 when he throws him into the turnbuckle. Honestly, if you have some friends that are assholes,
05:40 and are like, oh, man, wrestling's fake, wrestling's fake, show them this match.
05:44 Steiner is just as bad, because he tags in and gets the other guy and drops him on his head
05:48 with a belly to belly suplex. And thankfully, soon after this, you get the Steiner-izer and the 1,
05:53 2, 3. But then that game show music starts playing. I was like, man, none of this threads
05:59 together at all. And that's why I'm giving it up. It was also quite clear that WWF was trying to
06:04 establish this whole, oh my gosh, anything can happen environment. Because Vince McMahon then
06:08 freaks out going, oh, man, we have to throw back to Sean Mooney, because something's happening
06:11 outside. We then get to Sean, though, who's the calmest person in the world. I guess he didn't
06:16 get the memo. Also, this is not a big deal. It's just he and trying to get in again. But this time,
06:23 he's dressed like a woman. Once again, Bobby is brilliant with this. Although I bet if we give it
06:26 to anybody else, they wouldn't be able to pull it off. The man just wanted to have a laugh,
06:31 and he always entertained me. Things then do get a little bit sad, because we have a special
06:36 interview with Razor Amar. It feels more poignant now, all things considered. But the real takeaway
06:40 from this is that Razor comes out wearing the greatest shirt you've ever seen in your life.
06:45 I mean, it looks like a kid's puzzle. He's also going to be facing Bret Hart for the WWF title
06:49 at the Royal Rumble, and he is just full on character here. He says "Machines, Murrah" about
06:54 37,000 times. Everybody is Chico. He's throwing his toothpick around the place. He pronounces
06:58 Hitman as "Hitman," which is even better. I just love the guy. He'd also jumped Owen Hart on WWF
07:04 Saturday programming. So we have a video recap here, but they quite literally just play it over
07:10 the interview. So all of a sudden, you can't hear anything. And once more, compare that to what they
07:15 do today. It's almost like it's another company. What hit me the most is that really, this was the
07:20 closest that Scott Hall would ever get to the WWE title. And if it wasn't for his personal demons,
07:25 he likely would have won it eventually or in WCW. But I am giving it up. It's one interview to
07:30 another though, because we cut backstage to Tunker, who wants to tell you about WWF's charity drive
07:36 for the headlock on hunger. And I need more of this today. People fully in character shouting
07:42 at me at charitable causes. It really made me laugh. But it is dead and ass once again,
07:47 because he's all like Vince McMahon. I don't think Tunk is a real Native American. I was like, man,
07:51 I'm going to rip this guy's head off when Max Moon is here. Now, I'm sure we all know the story of
07:56 Max Moon, but just to give you some headlines, this is flipping Conan. He is challenging for
08:01 the Intercontinental title, though. And do you know who the champion was at the time?
08:05 Shawn Michaels. This is so early on in the Heartbreak Kid run. He's not even singing
08:10 his own theme music yet. And I will tell you this, if you do watch this today, it's not going
08:14 to blow your mind when you compare it to everything else on the show. It's like a five star classic.
08:20 I mean, Michael's back flips out of a suplex at one point, which may as well be a Spanish fly in
08:24 2022. The fans get off their ass. Oh, my gosh, I can't believe it was at this moment. I know it's
08:29 the massive ICO pro in the background. So as always, if you do have some ICO pro that hasn't
08:33 disintegrated, please send it to me because I want to see what it's all about. And yes,
08:37 then Doink is back and he's wearing this flowery casting. It then becomes awful, though, and you
08:44 have to experience real pain because Rob Bartlett decides, oh, I think this is a good time to start
08:50 impersonating Mike Tyson. Now, once again, not only is this offensive, but it goes on forever.
08:56 Like even if you found this a little bit funny, eight minutes later, you certainly won't,
09:00 especially because he is just ignoring the match. I mean, him and Vince McMahon engage in a proper
09:05 conversation between the owner of WWF and a fake version of Mike Tyson. So you just need to watch
09:12 it. And I'm giving it a down. This finally stops when Max Moon hits a dive to the outside and
09:16 everybody stops. I've just seen an alien. Although after this, Shawn Michaels does hit sweet music,
09:21 but he doesn't go for the cover because it's not his finish. Instead, he hits the Saito suplex to
09:27 get the win. And shockingly, he would switch these around eventually because that gets no noise at
09:32 all. So like I say, we will get there in the end and this is so much better than everything else on
09:37 the show. They get more crazy old school WWF adverts this time for WWF mania. And it is so
09:43 retro it makes me want to watch it when we get the graphic for our main event, which is actually
09:48 quite infamous nowadays because it's going to be the Undertaker taking on Damien Dementor.
09:54 Before that, though, we get mean Jean just trying to shill the Royal Pummel pay-per-view as much as
09:58 he can while also telling us we're going to do Shawn Michaels versus my age and a for the
10:02 Intercontinental Championship. Sherry Martell is going to be at ringside, but whose side is she on?
10:07 Then go back to HBK in the promo room, even though we've just seen him and he's all like,
10:10 oh man, Sherry Martell is going to be in my corner. When we also go to my genetic,
10:15 who says you may think you know Sherry Martell, but I've decided you don't know Sherry Martell.
10:21 I know Sherry Martell and she's going to be in my corner. I was like,
10:25 Marty, I don't think you should have said anything. Mean Jean also explains the rumble rules
10:28 and let us know the likes of Ric Flair, IRS, Bob Backlund and Mr. Perfect are going to be in the
10:33 thing. So of course we then cut to a promo with Mr. Perfect. He just says what you would expect,
10:38 but he has the single worst goatee I've ever seen in my life to the point at first I thought he had
10:44 drunk some milk and forgot to wipe his mouth. I've never seen that on Mr. Perfect before.
10:50 I don't know what a flubby was doing. You also get Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji cutting one of these
10:54 and their whole stick is who's going to be able to throw me over the top rope because I'm massive
10:58 and fair play to them. They were 100% right. Nobody could. Anyone. It was clear the WWE was
11:04 desperate to get as many buys as they could because this takes up a massive chunk on the show
11:09 and it ends with hacksaw Jim Duggan. And you know what hacksaw Jim Duggan used to do,
11:12 especially in 1993. The camera hit record and he just went, oh, for some reason it really worked.
11:20 I'm not kidding though. This is so nineties. I was having the time of my life up. Heenan is
11:25 then trying to break into the building again, but this time he's a rabbi. He even makes a
11:31 bagel joke. And while I was doing this a little bit, somehow he can get away with murder.
11:37 Our universes then collide though, because we cut back to Vince McMahon who says,
11:40 let's check out what happened recently on the WWF network. Now he was referring to WWF programming
11:47 and the fact that Kamala had turned on Harvey Whippleman and Kim Chi, which by the way is
11:51 utterly offensive and utterly terrible. But he said, WWF network. And as a nerd,
11:57 I started to react. Given that we do see this footage though, and you remember how bad it was,
12:02 I'm just going to say the word Kamala and give it a down.
12:06 And I just cut back to the ring where Damien Dementor was just stood there doing this whole,
12:09 oh, Damien Dementor is absolutely terrible. And we screw up the undertaker's entrance because we
12:14 get the whole bong bong. But when his music starts, he's already at the corner post.
12:19 Flop me to disavow. Even here though, his character just stands out a mile compared
12:24 to everything else we're seeing. And I do believe this is my favorite version because Paul Bearer is
12:28 there with the urn and the fiend arm is obeying everything he does. I mean, it's super duper
12:33 silly, but I like it. Otherwise this is horrendous. The first move is a face plant and they screw that
12:39 up. The second is taking Damien Dementor's head and throwing it into a turnbuckle and they screw
12:43 that up. And the third move is fine. It's what will go on to go known as old school. But when
12:48 the undertaker does it, it hasn't been established. So nobody makes any noise. Otherwise, Taker just
12:52 wrecks this guy, obviously, and finishes him off with the tombstone. And we would never see Damien
12:58 Dementor again. Just to underline how awful WWE could be at this time too. Vince McMahon tells
13:04 us that on next week's episode of Raw, we're going to get a steel cage match between Woody Allen and
13:08 Mia Farrow. And then we just have this interview with Doink. Now, I don't know if this was just
13:12 some special footage of a VHS or something, but it is so jarring. And then Crush comes out. He's
13:18 like, "Oh, Doink, I hate you. I'm going to beat you up." But he doesn't. And then that's just done.
13:23 And then finally finishes when Bobby Heenan does get into the building, even though this is
13:26 pointless because he's already missed the thing. Honestly, it should have just ended with Undertaker
13:32 stu- I mean, Dementor. I'm giving it a down. But even with all that said, it is just fascinating
13:37 to watch the first ever episode of Raw because it will blow your mind in terms of how much things
13:42 have evolved and how much things have changed. And you may even sit down with it and go, "I prefer
13:46 this because it did tie into the title. It felt much more Raw. That's why I'm giving it an up."
13:52 Now, please do leave a comment below and let us know what other shows we should retro review.
13:55 Like the video, share the video and subscribe. Head over to whatculture.com where you can read
13:58 yourself some articles. Make sure you check out some old episodes of retro ups and downs. That's
14:02 a paradox. And come follow us on social media. We'd love to see you. My name is Simon for
14:06 What Culture. Thank you for joining me as always. See you soon.
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