Good Morning Pakistan | How to keep your relationship strong | 12th September 2023 |ARY Digital

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Host: Nida Yasir

Topic : How to keep your relationship strong

Guest: Rubina Ashraf | Dr Neelam Naz

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Transcript
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00:00:19 [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Good morning.
00:00:21 Good morning, Pakistan.
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00:05:37 If I am like this, why is he like that?
00:05:39 So these are the things which I understand.
00:05:42 But still, I need to take their advice from an expert.
00:05:49 What they say about this relationship.
00:05:51 A husband and wife don't get married.
00:05:53 And when the relationship is broken, it doesn't just end with two people.
00:05:56 There are children between them.
00:05:58 The husband and wife have parents.
00:06:00 If two families unite, then two families separate.
00:06:04 And the husband and wife, for their ego, or...
00:06:07 ...if their life becomes unbearable to spend together, they separate.
00:06:12 But what happens to the little children?
00:06:18 How they get lost in their small thoughts...
00:06:23 ...and leave behind such big marks for their entire life.
00:06:29 This pain, which you consider to be a small pain...
00:06:34 ...becomes a disease for them for their entire life.
00:06:38 And who knows what the after effects of this will be for them.
00:06:42 So do watch this program today.
00:06:45 And if you think that this program can make your life better...
00:06:51 ...then we will consider it our duty.
00:06:53 But if you think that watching this program...
00:06:56 ...is like dragging your life...
00:07:01 ...or dragging your life, and you have only one life...
00:07:05 ...then too your eyes will open.
00:07:07 Stay with us after a short break to know...
00:07:11 ...that when a relationship is broken, it doesn't just end with two people.
00:07:15 The entire family is involved.
00:07:17 Good morning, Pakistan.
00:07:18 Welcome, welcome back.
00:07:22 Good morning, Pakistan.
00:07:24 And as today's topic is...
00:07:26 ...I said that a lot of things are obvious in life.
00:07:28 I don't know that much.
00:07:30 And I need experts for that.
00:07:33 It is said that when you sit with the elders...
00:07:37 ...those people who have experience in life...
00:07:40 ...you get to learn a lot.
00:07:42 But when you sit with the educated panel...
00:07:46 ...apart from their life experience...
00:07:48 ...their education, their books, they also help you.
00:07:52 So today we have some people on our show...
00:07:56 ...who are observant, who have lived their lives...
00:07:59 ...they have seen the sun and the clouds...
00:08:01 ...and they have books with them.
00:08:03 So let's take advantage of their experiences.
00:08:07 We have with us today...
00:08:09 ...a talented and...
00:08:10 ...they say if you want to talk about wisdom, talk to them.
00:08:14 Rubina Harshraf is with us.
00:08:15 - Hello. - Hello. No, no.
00:08:18 I am telling you the truth.
00:08:19 - I am not observing you. - You made me laugh.
00:08:22 Seriously, if you need a wise advice...
00:08:25 ...a right advice...
00:08:28 ...that will lead you to the right path, go to them.
00:08:31 - For advice. - Okay.
00:08:33 - I think so. You are very balanced. - Thank you.
00:08:36 So that's why you are a part of our panel today.
00:08:38 I guess you will be able to help a lot of people...
00:08:42 ...through your talks.
00:08:43 Then we have with us...
00:08:45 ...Dr. Neelam Naaz...
00:08:47 ...who is a clinical psychologist, co-founder of Kirve Pakistan.
00:08:50 - Hello. - Hello.
00:08:52 - How are you, Nida? - I am fine.
00:08:53 Today's program was basically her idea.
00:08:56 She said that...
00:08:58 ...as you can see in the society...
00:09:01 ...the marital life of people is not going well...
00:09:04 ...and divorces are happening very fast.
00:09:06 So she came to me that day and said...
00:09:09 ...Nida, we should show on this topic.
00:09:11 I said, you are absolutely right.
00:09:12 If our show can make a difference in someone's life...
00:09:16 ...then it is our duty.
00:09:18 Absolutely, Nida.
00:09:19 And just the fact that marriages are breaking...
00:09:21 ...means that the whole family's structure is changing.
00:09:25 And in counselling, we have kids...
00:09:28 ...adults and we see how much impact it is having...
00:09:31 ...that a relationship breaking...
00:09:33 ...and how many more people are getting affected.
00:09:35 - Definitely. - Very important.
00:09:36 And the eyewitnesses of this...
00:09:38 ...are the lawyers who are there, family lawyers.
00:09:43 Along with that, what the law says and what it doesn't say...
00:09:46 ...it is very important to know all that.
00:09:49 So today, I have with me...
00:09:51 ...he is coming to my show for the first time.
00:09:53 You know him very well.
00:09:54 You have seen him on TV in many programs.
00:09:57 Sometimes as a judge, sometimes as a lawyer.
00:10:01 So I have with me today, Barrister Khawaja Naveed Ahmed.
00:10:05 You have seen him in many programs.
00:10:08 - Assalamu Alaikum. - Walaikum Assalam.
00:10:10 - How are you? - I am absolutely fine.
00:10:12 He is the advocate of the Supreme Court of Pakistan...
00:10:15 ...and ex-Senior Vice President...
00:10:19 ...of the Supreme Court Bar Association of Pakistan.
00:10:23 - So how are you? - I am absolutely fine.
00:10:26 - You have been doing shows for so long. - Yes.
00:10:29 - Your show was very interesting. - Masha Allah.
00:10:31 We used to watch it.
00:10:32 - So I welcome you to my show for the first time. - Thank you very much.
00:10:36 If we start from here...
00:10:38 ...Rumina, let's start with you.
00:10:40 What do you think is the definition of marriage?
00:10:43 What did your elders tell you when you were getting married?
00:10:46 When you were having a daughter...
00:10:48 ...or when you were giving advice to youngsters?
00:10:52 Marriage means two people starting a life together...
00:11:01 ...and moving that life forward.
00:11:04 Because this is the purpose of the world.
00:11:07 That we make it and move it forward.
00:11:11 Right? Because we...
00:11:13 ...we all believe that we have come into this world...
00:11:17 ...and we will leave after completing a certain period.
00:11:19 And when we leave, this world will continue to run.
00:11:24 It has been running for centuries and it will continue to run.
00:11:27 So the purpose of a person being in this world is...
00:11:31 ...that he runs this world...
00:11:33 ...in a good way and moves it forward.
00:11:35 And to move forward...
00:11:38 ...he makes it and leaves it.
00:11:40 Marriage is a big part of that.
00:11:43 Because we make a house, we run it...
00:11:48 ...we bring our children into our lives, into the world.
00:11:52 Then we try to make them better people.
00:11:56 Everyone does that.
00:11:57 That goes without saying that everyone...
00:12:00 ...has to see their children in a better place.
00:12:06 So when you get into...
00:12:10 ...this pact, this commitment...
00:12:15 ...then you shouldn't...
00:12:19 ...take it lightly.
00:12:22 It is a commitment.
00:12:24 It is at the end of the day a commitment.
00:12:27 You can call it a commitment or a contract.
00:12:30 Because if you are talking about seriousness...
00:12:33 We are not committed to a contract.
00:12:36 We do it, but we say, "Okay, I'll do it."
00:12:40 "I'll keep it if I understand it or I'll break it."
00:12:42 But commitment is something you do from your heart and mind.
00:12:48 And you think, "Okay."
00:12:49 I have seen in my life that the age of marriage...
00:12:54 ...increased more and more.
00:12:59 Because our children, the next generation...
00:13:02 ...were not ready for commitment.
00:13:04 They needed more time.
00:13:06 Education was important in their lives.
00:13:08 They wanted to travel.
00:13:10 Some children wanted to reach a career point.
00:13:15 And their parents gave them leverage.
00:13:18 And they are giving it.
00:13:19 I think the age of marriage started at 14.
00:13:23 At my grandmother's age.
00:13:24 And now it has reached 34.
00:13:27 Maybe even later than that.
00:13:30 And it's not that we are giving permission to our children.
00:13:34 Things are changing with time.
00:13:37 But the one thing that stays there is...
00:13:40 ...when you are ready, you will get married.
00:13:42 Which means when you are ready to commit.
00:13:45 When you are ready for the hardships.
00:13:48 The responsibility.
00:13:50 And the fun that you will have to make yourself.
00:13:54 - You have to create it. - Exactly.
00:13:57 The beautiful life that no one will give you...
00:14:01 ...that you will enjoy it.
00:14:04 You will wear new clothes.
00:14:05 We make a few things for you.
00:14:08 We give you a head start.
00:14:11 Clothes, jewellery.
00:14:14 But you have to make that life yourself.
00:14:17 Yes.
00:14:18 - That's it. No one can make it for you. - This is the relationship...
00:14:21 ...that requires the least amount of work.
00:14:23 You are married, so forget it.
00:14:25 Now just put it on auto.
00:14:27 I think this is what is happening.
00:14:28 There are some issues because of putting it on auto.
00:14:31 Because the machine is also broken.
00:14:34 So people come to repair it.
00:14:37 But here it is not repaired.
00:14:38 And when it is not repaired, it gets rusty.
00:14:40 And after getting rusty, everything is over.
00:14:43 True.
00:14:44 - That is true. - That is true.
00:14:45 That is true.
00:14:46 And Nada, the amount of work we do on the wedding event.
00:14:50 Yes.
00:14:51 The preparation required to run the wedding.
00:14:55 The parts of your personality that you feel...
00:14:59 ...can be the bias of the conflict later.
00:15:02 For example, if you feel that you lack patience.
00:15:05 And marriage is something that requires patience.
00:15:09 Having fun is very important.
00:15:12 You have to create it yourself.
00:15:14 Along with that, one thing that we are forgetting is compromise.
00:15:19 You are there.
00:15:21 You and your partner are in a relationship of commitment.
00:15:24 But compromise is necessary initially.
00:15:28 You have to give time.
00:15:30 When something new comes...
00:15:32 ...you have to give some time to understand it.
00:15:34 To get into that relationship.
00:15:38 You have to give some time.
00:15:40 We humans are very emotional.
00:15:42 We feel that it is not working out.
00:15:44 Oh my God!
00:15:45 Everything was looking good earlier.
00:15:46 Earlier, we were getting so much attention.
00:15:48 We were giving so much time.
00:15:50 It was looking so beautiful.
00:15:51 That was a trailer.
00:15:52 Now, you are in the movie.
00:15:55 You are in the story.
00:15:57 So, give some time.
00:15:58 So that you get used to it.
00:16:00 And you understand each other.
00:16:01 And you can get along with each other.
00:16:03 If I ask you, you must have a lot of reasons.
00:16:08 People must come.
00:16:09 A lot of people must come for separation.
00:16:13 But sometimes it happens that they say no.
00:16:16 Let's talk and patch up.
00:16:19 What experiences did you have in your career?
00:16:23 A lot of small things.
00:16:27 That increases the conversation.
00:16:30 Especially, if the husband and wife communicate.
00:16:34 If they talk to each other.
00:16:36 If they solve the problem.
00:16:38 It becomes very easy to solve.
00:16:40 When the boy tells his parents.
00:16:44 His sisters join in.
00:16:45 The girl goes and tells her mother.
00:16:47 The fight between two families starts.
00:16:50 And it increases to the point of no return.
00:16:54 Finally, they say, we will go to the port.
00:16:56 We will get divorced.
00:16:58 Separation happens.
00:16:59 After two or three children, they come for separation.
00:17:02 And just because they are together.
00:17:04 Do you think that separation becomes like a war?
00:17:08 When families are included.
00:17:09 When the husband and wife don't live together.
00:17:11 If the husband and wife solve their problems.
00:17:14 Sometimes, for reconciliation.
00:17:16 There are ten people.
00:17:18 Four aunts, three uncles.
00:17:21 Everyone has their own view.
00:17:22 Then the conditions come.
00:17:24 There are no conditions in these things.
00:17:26 There is understanding.
00:17:29 When they enter the conditions.
00:17:30 There is no compromise.
00:17:32 But if they make the husband and wife sit alone.
00:17:35 And tell them to talk to each other.
00:17:37 They get ready in half an hour.
00:17:40 This is your experience.
00:17:42 When more than two people are included.
00:17:45 When more people are included.
00:17:47 The fight increases.
00:17:48 Instead of solving the problem.
00:17:52 Very important.
00:17:54 A lot of our aunts and uncles.
00:17:57 With apologies.
00:17:58 Respectable relations.
00:17:59 But a lot of our relatives.
00:18:02 Who are free.
00:18:03 It's not just about the fight.
00:18:05 It happens.
00:18:08 But there is one more thing.
00:18:10 Which is very important.
00:18:11 One sided point of view.
00:18:13 You told your aunt your point of view.
00:18:16 Your aunt.
00:18:17 The incident in which you had a fight.
00:18:20 Or a problem.
00:18:22 She was not in that place.
00:18:23 She doesn't know about the other team.
00:18:27 She doesn't know what you did there.
00:18:30 She only knows your side of the story.
00:18:32 And she will take your side.
00:18:35 She will listen to you.
00:18:38 You are crying and telling her.
00:18:40 You are upset.
00:18:41 You are worried.
00:18:42 She is your aunt.
00:18:44 It's her duty to listen to you.
00:18:46 If she listens to you.
00:18:48 She will condole you.
00:18:49 She will stand with you and sympathize with you.
00:18:52 She will say that this is wrong.
00:18:54 You shouldn't have done that.
00:18:56 This is wrong.
00:18:57 The thing is.
00:18:58 Aunt knows this.
00:19:00 She knows.
00:19:02 That I...
00:19:05 Everyone knows about their children.
00:19:07 Whether it's their aunt, nephew, mother or daughter.
00:19:11 Everyone knows about their sister.
00:19:14 Brother knows about his brother.
00:19:15 Mother knows about her son.
00:19:17 So they know their weak points.
00:19:20 Their character.
00:19:22 Their flaws.
00:19:25 Their ups and downs.
00:19:27 Their triggers.
00:19:29 They know.
00:19:31 But no one has that much time.
00:19:35 To figure out your trigger.
00:19:37 To think about your situation.
00:19:40 My son must have said this.
00:19:42 Then this girl reacted.
00:19:44 No one has that.
00:19:44 They will listen to you.
00:19:46 And express their sympathy.
00:19:48 You will be so happy with that sympathy.
00:19:52 That you will say that I was right.
00:19:54 My aunt said this.
00:19:55 My mother said this.
00:19:58 Children.
00:19:59 Whether you are a boy or a girl.
00:20:02 In this relationship.
00:20:04 Life is yours.
00:20:05 Aunt is leading a good life.
00:20:07 Mother has also lived her life.
00:20:09 Mother has also lived her life.
00:20:12 She has lived it and brought it to a place.
00:20:16 Right?
00:20:16 The people you are going to consult.
00:20:20 They are not the ones who have broken their marriages.
00:20:22 You generally go to them.
00:20:24 You need their approval.
00:20:26 Who are married.
00:20:30 If they are leading a married life.
00:20:35 Then don't think for a moment.
00:20:37 That the place you are in today.
00:20:40 They haven't gone through that place.
00:20:43 No one's life is a bed of roses.
00:20:45 No.
00:20:46 Marriage is of the same kind.
00:20:51 Period.
00:20:53 It's over.
00:20:54 Everyone has the same agreement.
00:20:55 Everyone's journey is the same.
00:20:58 I tell a lot of people.
00:21:02 All the time.
00:21:03 If someone tells you.
00:21:05 That her marriage is beautiful.
00:21:07 Her husband takes care of her.
00:21:09 Her husband is doing this and that.
00:21:11 Or someone's wife.
00:21:13 If a boy is thinking this.
00:21:15 He is lying.
00:21:17 They are liars.
00:21:18 Or they are very nice people.
00:21:21 Because they only see good.
00:21:23 So.
00:21:25 Looking at someone.
00:21:27 We mostly do this.
00:21:28 It's happening more.
00:21:30 If you see on social media.
00:21:32 Looking at someone.
00:21:33 Husband and wife are roaming.
00:21:34 Holding hands.
00:21:36 Smiling.
00:21:38 Especially for dramas.
00:21:39 And films.
00:21:40 We are doing it in real life.
00:21:42 On Insta stories.
00:21:43 And it's triggering other couples.
00:21:46 Why our life is not like this.
00:21:48 We can make it.
00:21:49 We will give you tips.
00:21:50 We have a cameraman.
00:21:52 Who will shoot exactly like.
00:21:53 They have shot.
00:21:54 Whatever the story is.
00:21:57 But I would like to say one more thing.
00:22:00 Whatever we talk about.
00:22:02 Looking good.
00:22:04 Or looking happy.
00:22:05 There is no happiness.
00:22:08 Happiness is something else.
00:22:09 Life is a bigger thing than that.
00:22:12 Marriage is a commitment.
00:22:14 Like we said.
00:22:15 Starting from marriage.
00:22:16 Bringing some more people in your life.
00:22:20 And making them complete.
00:22:23 You know that.
00:22:24 I know it now.
00:22:25 It's a constant struggle.
00:22:27 So if two people.
00:22:29 Or whatever.
00:22:30 From now.
00:22:31 Or after two kids.
00:22:32 Or with small kids.
00:22:34 You are looking at your life.
00:22:38 As if life is just two of us.
00:22:41 And we have our issues.
00:22:43 Then you will never be able to have.
00:22:47 Good life.
00:22:48 Fulfilling relationship.
00:22:49 Because life is not just two people.
00:22:53 Life is not just two people.
00:22:56 It's a bigger thing.
00:22:58 And you are starting a life.
00:23:02 Which is obvious.
00:23:03 You feel that it's just two of us.
00:23:05 Many girls feel.
00:23:07 That we are two.
00:23:08 We don't need a third one.
00:23:10 We want to live separately.
00:23:13 We don't want any intrusion.
00:23:17 Interference.
00:23:18 We don't want.
00:23:19 If we are going out.
00:23:20 We won't have our own.
00:23:22 No one will go.
00:23:24 Why did you make me sit?
00:23:26 This is a big issue.
00:23:27 Yes.
00:23:29 And this is more in the beginning.
00:23:31 And when it's not.
00:23:33 You are just mine.
00:23:35 Yes.
00:23:35 The boy also feels.
00:23:36 That if we are going.
00:23:37 We have to make mom sit in front.
00:23:38 And wife sit behind.
00:23:40 Yes.
00:23:41 These are small things.
00:23:42 That are the problems.
00:23:43 He is making his mom happy.
00:23:45 She doesn't know that wife is getting angry.
00:23:46 Because mom has allowed him to marry.
00:23:50 That's a big thing.
00:23:51 When mom allows him to marry.
00:23:55 Then the test for any girl.
00:23:57 Becomes more difficult.
00:23:59 Because mom is a promise.
00:24:02 Absolutely.
00:24:04 If I see.
00:24:06 Apart from these issues.
00:24:07 One issue.
00:24:08 Financial issues.
00:24:10 That is a big issue.
00:24:11 Half of the fights.
00:24:13 It's getting bigger.
00:24:14 It wasn't there in our time.
00:24:16 It wasn't there in our time.
00:24:17 There were no demands.
00:24:18 There were no demands.
00:24:20 There were no demands.
00:24:21 There was no greed.
00:24:22 It wasn't a tradition.
00:24:24 You must have had.
00:24:26 Financial issues.
00:24:27 Yes.
00:24:28 Like what does husband say.
00:24:31 Wife spends.
00:24:32 He doesn't give.
00:24:34 Wife says.
00:24:35 He doesn't give.
00:24:35 Every wife says this.
00:24:37 Okay.
00:24:37 Whatever he gives.
00:24:38 He says he doesn't give anything.
00:24:39 Okay.
00:24:40 I ask if he doesn't give.
00:24:41 You are living together for 8 years.
00:24:43 She says no.
00:24:44 He doesn't give anything.
00:24:45 Okay.
00:24:45 Yes.
00:24:46 That's why I am ending this relationship.
00:24:47 He doesn't give anything.
00:24:48 Money.
00:24:49 When there is a fight.
00:24:50 She says such things.
00:24:51 You think.
00:24:52 She says he is so stingy.
00:24:54 He cuts the toothpaste with scissors.
00:24:56 And uses it in between.
00:24:58 We do that too.
00:24:59 We do that too.
00:25:01 Oh my God.
00:25:02 What kind of kids are they?
00:25:03 Till the time the toothpaste is used.
00:25:08 I don't know.
00:25:10 Me too.
00:25:11 Me too.
00:25:12 Look.
00:25:13 I have only one advice for such kids.
00:25:17 Yes.
00:25:17 That is to work.
00:25:19 Yes.
00:25:20 They will know the value of money.
00:25:23 That how difficult it is to earn money.
00:25:26 And those who earn from themselves.
00:25:28 Even if their husbands are earning well.
00:25:31 Yes.
00:25:31 They value money.
00:25:34 Because they know that they have to save it.
00:25:39 And use it in the right way.
00:25:42 Use it.
00:25:43 Use the whole toothpaste.
00:25:44 I say that everyone should cut the toothpaste.
00:25:49 And use the brush.
00:25:51 And use it.
00:25:52 And when the shampoo is left.
00:25:54 Add water to it.
00:25:54 Of course.
00:25:55 And use it.
00:25:56 Of course.
00:25:56 Yes.
00:25:57 Because Amitabh Bachchan also said.
00:25:59 That the soap with the spikes should be used.
00:26:00 Till then.
00:26:01 I will make it together.
00:26:02 Me too.
00:26:03 What else?
00:26:04 Yes.
00:26:05 This is not a thing.
00:26:06 Tell us more.
00:26:08 She says such things.
00:26:10 That she is so stingy.
00:26:11 Okay.
00:26:12 What else happens?
00:26:13 Sometimes she leaves the job.
00:26:14 Sometimes bad times come on family.
00:26:16 She is a sinner.
00:26:17 She is not stingy.
00:26:18 Yes.
00:26:18 Because.
00:26:20 She is not wasting.
00:26:21 Yes.
00:26:22 She is not wasting.
00:26:23 She is not wasting the blessings given by God.
00:26:27 And she is using it correctly.
00:26:28 And he is earning.
00:26:29 He will go straight to heaven.
00:26:30 Using toothpaste like this.
00:26:32 He will take it straight to heaven.
00:26:34 I am telling you.
00:26:35 I am taking a small break.
00:26:37 But wife is sending him to hell.
00:26:38 Yes.
00:26:39 Life is hell.
00:26:40 I am taking a small break.
00:26:41 We will come back after a break.
00:26:42 But I have seen that husband.
00:26:45 Spends money everywhere.
00:26:48 But I don't know why.
00:26:50 He doesn't spend money on his wife.
00:26:51 I have seen this issue in many couples.
00:26:55 Spending money everywhere.
00:26:56 They have something to spend on their wives.
00:26:59 I have seen it.
00:27:02 So after a small break.
00:27:03 Keep watching Good Morning Pakistan.
00:27:04 Why are there so many divorces?
00:27:07 Why are the relationships ending?
00:27:08 Why is it difficult to live together?
00:27:11 And cases are going to the court.
00:27:13 To find a solution to all these issues.
00:27:16 We have invited an expert.
00:27:17 Tolerance is decreasing.
00:27:18 Why is tolerance decreasing?
00:27:19 We have a program to shed light on all these issues.
00:27:23 It is for you.
00:27:24 Do watch it.
00:27:24 Good morning.
00:27:25 Welcome.
00:27:29 Welcome back.
00:27:30 Good morning Pakistan.
00:27:31 Right now we are sitting here.
00:27:33 And discussing some points.
00:27:35 Because of which.
00:27:37 Your life is ruined.
00:27:38 And you don't know.
00:27:40 How much do these small things matter in your life?
00:27:44 And what mistakes do we make.
00:27:46 That ruins our married life.
00:27:50 And then it ends.
00:27:54 And the end result is that the children are orphaned.
00:27:57 But we have some stories here.
00:28:00 Maybe those who had the right to end.
00:28:04 Whose fault is it?
00:28:06 Two people's life is ruined.
00:28:09 Sometimes it happens that husbands get married again.
00:28:12 Their life is ruined.
00:28:14 But a woman's life is ruined.
00:28:17 And she doesn't know how to start from zero again.
00:28:20 I have Fiza here.
00:28:24 She is here with her mother Mrs. Mujahid.
00:28:27 And she got divorced because her daughter was born.
00:28:31 She couldn't have a son.
00:28:33 Like in the olden days.
00:28:35 It was customary to bury the daughters.
00:28:39 Hindu culture.
00:28:40 Hindu culture.
00:28:40 The culture of Quraysh.
00:28:42 Yes.
00:28:43 So, even now.
00:28:45 We still think that daughters are blessed.
00:28:47 Do you get such cases?
00:28:49 Yes, I get many such cases.
00:28:50 That daughters are born.
00:28:53 She has no sisters.
00:28:54 She has no sons.
00:28:56 You have heard of such cases.
00:28:59 Yes, I have.
00:29:02 Fiza, if I ask you.
00:29:06 It's a painful question.
00:29:08 But maybe we can learn something from your story.
00:29:11 People can learn something.
00:29:13 Yes.
00:29:15 I got married.
00:29:17 It was fine.
00:29:19 But when I got pregnant, they said I should abort it.
00:29:24 Why?
00:29:25 Did they know that you have a daughter?
00:29:27 Or they didn't want you to have a child?
00:29:29 They didn't want it.
00:29:30 Did they not want you to have a husband?
00:29:33 They didn't want a husband.
00:29:35 They didn't want a child?
00:29:36 Yes.
00:29:37 They didn't want a child or they knew you were pregnant?
00:29:39 They didn't want a child.
00:29:41 They didn't want a child.
00:29:43 So, they...
00:29:45 You were religious and you didn't want an abortion.
00:29:48 Yes, I didn't want it.
00:29:50 This is a big dilemma.
00:29:53 We should be talking about it.
00:29:56 If a man doesn't want a child.
00:29:59 So, they should participate in what they can do
00:30:04 and not let it happen.
00:30:06 Yes.
00:30:06 Women shouldn't have this responsibility.
00:30:10 Exactly.
00:30:11 Okay, so, the fight started because of that.
00:30:14 No, there was no fight.
00:30:15 But I was against it.
00:30:17 Okay.
00:30:18 Then?
00:30:18 I was against it.
00:30:20 You took her to the hospital.
00:30:23 Yes.
00:30:23 You didn't let her talk to me on the phone.
00:30:26 You didn't let me do anything.
00:30:27 Why did you take her to the hospital?
00:30:28 She didn't know where she was.
00:30:30 She asked me where I was.
00:30:32 I told her that I didn't know where she was.
00:30:34 She said that she was very innocent.
00:30:35 I told her that all girls are like that.
00:30:38 We can see that from her talk.
00:30:41 She asked me if I knew where she was.
00:30:44 I told her that I didn't know.
00:30:46 She said that she came to get an abortion.
00:30:49 Without asking her?
00:30:51 No, I didn't want to ask her.
00:30:53 I was very upset.
00:30:55 I never had an abortion in my life.
00:30:57 We are white-collar people.
00:31:00 But my husband never asked me to cook.
00:31:03 He never asked me to count the bread.
00:31:06 We didn't have any of that.
00:31:09 What happened then?
00:31:11 Did you get an abortion?
00:31:14 No, she came to me.
00:31:16 I kept her for nine months.
00:31:18 I showed her to her mother.
00:31:19 Did you tell your husband how you got her without telling me?
00:31:22 It's okay. She just went to her mother.
00:31:25 I told her to take me to a place.
00:31:28 She refused.
00:31:32 She refused to go to the hospital.
00:31:37 She said that it was too late.
00:31:40 She refused?
00:31:41 Yes, she refused.
00:31:43 She said that if I could lift a weight,
00:31:47 I would save money.
00:31:48 My God!
00:31:50 I was very upset.
00:31:52 He is in the court.
00:31:53 He has 16 classes.
00:31:57 He is in the court.
00:31:58 He is a master.
00:32:01 He is not an illiterate.
00:32:02 He is well-educated.
00:32:05 He has 16 classes.
00:32:08 He is saying that I should lift a weight.
00:32:11 My mother did everything.
00:32:15 He came to see his daughter when she was born.
00:32:19 He called her.
00:32:20 He checked her ears and nose.
00:32:24 He checked her ears and nose?
00:32:25 He checked her ears and nose.
00:32:26 I told him that the doctor is asking for 30,000 rupees.
00:32:28 The doctor is asking for 30,000 rupees.
00:32:31 He should give her the money.
00:32:32 I spent thousands of rupees for nine months.
00:32:34 He ran away.
00:32:36 I didn't have money to treat married women.
00:32:38 Did you give the money to your husband?
00:32:39 No, I didn't.
00:32:41 I don't have any money to pay the rent.
00:32:42 He said that he didn't have money to pay the rent.
00:32:45 I told him to take money from his mother.
00:32:47 I gave him clothes for summer and winter.
00:32:49 I gave him everything he needed.
00:32:52 I am still doing it.
00:32:54 Did you go back home with your daughter?
00:32:57 I came to take her when she was six months old.
00:32:59 She was six months old.
00:33:01 She was six months old.
00:33:02 She was very young.
00:33:04 She was a beautiful baby.
00:33:05 I kept her for a month and a half.
00:33:06 I left her.
00:33:08 This is how it went on.
00:33:09 Your daughter is ten years old.
00:33:11 Yes.
00:33:11 How long did you keep her?
00:33:15 She was three and a half years old.
00:33:18 I left her.
00:33:20 I divorced her twice.
00:33:22 I told her that I won't get her divorced.
00:33:25 I am from the Syed family.
00:33:26 I am from the Quraish tribe.
00:33:28 We have a very good family.
00:33:31 I told her that I won't get her divorced.
00:33:33 I told her to divorce her a third time.
00:33:35 I told her that I won't get her divorced.
00:33:39 This is not in the Sharia.
00:33:41 This is not in the Sharia.
00:33:42 What kind of a person was he?
00:33:45 You have told us everything.
00:33:47 What was his problem?
00:33:48 He left in the morning.
00:33:50 I don't know what happened at night.
00:33:51 He left at 10 in the morning.
00:33:53 He left with his friends.
00:33:55 He left with his friends.
00:33:56 He left with his friends.
00:34:00 I don't know what to say.
00:34:01 Do you have children?
00:34:02 No.
00:34:04 He had a daughter.
00:34:05 He had a daughter.
00:34:07 When she was three and a half years old...
00:34:08 Did he love your daughter?
00:34:10 He loved her when she was alive.
00:34:13 But it was not like that.
00:34:14 Okay.
00:34:15 He loved her like a father.
00:34:17 Did he divorce her?
00:34:19 Yes.
00:34:21 How were the other family members?
00:34:24 There was a mother and a sister.
00:34:26 Were they with you?
00:34:28 His mother was with him.
00:34:29 His sister and a brother-in-law were with him.
00:34:32 They lived in the same room.
00:34:34 Okay.
00:34:35 How were they?
00:34:36 He had a daughter.
00:34:37 Were they good people?
00:34:39 No.
00:34:40 Were they good people for you?
00:34:41 No.
00:34:41 Did anyone raise their voice against you?
00:34:43 I don't talk to anyone.
00:34:44 I don't talk to anyone at home.
00:34:46 We are mother and daughter.
00:34:48 Did you go to anyone to talk to them?
00:34:53 No.
00:34:55 His brother-in-law and Divyani had a lot of fights.
00:34:57 They were beaten up.
00:34:59 They were not good people.
00:35:00 They were very bad people.
00:35:02 One time, Divyani had a fight with her husband.
00:35:06 She said that all these people are bad people.
00:35:09 I told her that before.
00:35:13 Did you have a marriage proposal for her?
00:35:16 Was it an arranged marriage?
00:35:17 No.
00:35:18 It was an arranged marriage.
00:35:20 They were beaten up.
00:35:21 There were a lot of fights.
00:35:22 Yes.
00:35:23 Did your husband ever raise his hand against you?
00:35:25 No.
00:35:26 He never raised his hand against me.
00:35:27 Thank God.
00:35:29 She was very intelligent.
00:35:30 Yes.
00:35:32 Don't you think that it was right to end this relationship?
00:35:36 Because there was no understanding between them.
00:35:41 Sahar Ludhiany has written that
00:35:43 it is better to forget a person when he is sick.
00:35:47 It is better to break a person when he is a burden.
00:35:51 It is better to end a person when he is in a bad situation.
00:35:56 Absolutely.
00:35:58 Neela, I would like to ask you.
00:36:00 The way this relationship is telling us about a husband and wife.
00:36:04 We were saying that we should do the right thing.
00:36:08 If this situation arises, what should a couple do?
00:36:12 How should a woman face it?
00:36:16 What should be the first step?
00:36:17 The first mistake that has happened in this relationship is that
00:36:22 not only in this relationship,
00:36:24 but in our relationship, getting married and a girl is growing old.
00:36:28 We take so much pressure that we want to get married and get married as soon as possible.
00:36:33 Take some time to get to know that person.
00:36:37 To see him.
00:36:38 This person clearly did not have a permanent attitude.
00:36:41 Not only her, she is saying that he used to leave in the morning.
00:36:44 I don't know when he used to come and what he used to do.
00:36:46 He did not have a permanent attitude about this relationship and his responsibilities.
00:36:50 She is saying that there were fights in the house.
00:36:53 Take some time to understand that you don't want the boy and girl to talk.
00:36:58 Whatever should happen.
00:37:00 So that you understand this.
00:37:02 And see, people don't like uncertainty.
00:37:06 If you tell me that you will go out of the house and you don't know what is going on,
00:37:10 I will get very scared.
00:37:11 And we throw our daughter in a new environment.
00:37:15 She doesn't know what to expect there.
00:37:18 What will happen?
00:37:19 How is that person? How are the family members?
00:37:21 Does he like bread? Does he like rice?
00:37:23 She doesn't know anything.
00:37:25 A little information should be there from the beginning.
00:37:28 What is the environment of that house?
00:37:29 What is that person like?
00:37:30 What expectations does he have from marriage?
00:37:33 How will you have to change for that person?
00:37:35 All these things.
00:37:37 I am sorry.
00:37:38 I have a little confusion here.
00:37:39 It is like this.
00:37:40 When you try to find out about someone like this,
00:37:44 then that person is also doing his best.
00:37:46 Like we say in dating. - Yes.
00:37:48 You... - The family members.
00:37:51 People around him.
00:37:52 If the person who is going to tell you, tells you,
00:37:54 then you feel that there is some problem between them.
00:37:57 Problem.
00:37:58 And when everything is fine,
00:38:00 then why is he saying that there are fights in their house?
00:38:04 So you cannot assess someone.
00:38:06 Parents will not be able to do it.
00:38:08 Look, one thing is that we get inquiries.
00:38:11 Life is trial and error.
00:38:13 So this will happen like this. - It's a risk.
00:38:15 Yes. - It's a risk.
00:38:16 But the first step... - Not the first step.
00:38:18 It happens.
00:38:19 The first step is this.
00:38:21 Look, you are getting inquiries.
00:38:22 Of course, you should.
00:38:23 But you are spending time with him.
00:38:25 Parents should call him home for dinner.
00:38:28 You see his behaviour.
00:38:29 He will behave so well.
00:38:31 He will say such sweet things.
00:38:34 He will be the best man in the world.
00:38:36 At least you will be satisfied that you have confirmed.
00:38:40 And then? - After that...
00:38:41 After that we will be here.
00:38:44 After that we will be in this situation.
00:38:45 We will ask him what he did.
00:38:47 What did you do?
00:38:48 When you got his proposal, did you confirm it properly?
00:38:51 I didn't do anything. - Why?
00:38:53 What was the hurry?
00:38:54 Your son says that you married a radish-carrot girl.
00:38:57 My sister married me like a radish-carrot.
00:38:59 This is the mistake.
00:39:00 My husband was in war.
00:39:01 He was very busy.
00:39:03 I have done many other jobs for 45 years.
00:39:06 I did all the work.
00:39:07 But my father... - But this is not...
00:39:09 This is for the proposal.
00:39:10 My father... - The father should go for the proposal.
00:39:12 He doesn't have time.
00:39:13 He used to come at 2 pm.
00:39:14 A star came from outside at night.
00:39:16 So his translator...
00:39:18 He used to stay with me.
00:39:19 Otherwise, I did all the work.
00:39:21 I got the kids of the neighborhood born.
00:39:22 I did everything for 9 months.
00:39:24 I didn't do anything for my daughters.
00:39:26 Yes.
00:39:27 So you are saying that you didn't even check if she is married.
00:39:30 This is the first mistake.
00:39:31 This is a duty.
00:39:33 If parents are getting their kids married on their own will...
00:39:36 ...then it is their responsibility to find out.
00:39:39 If the kids are agreeing to their wishes...
00:39:42 ...that we are getting married according to your wish.
00:39:45 And in whichever house you are getting married.
00:39:46 So it is the responsibility of the parents...
00:39:48 ...to check the house where they are getting their daughter married.
00:39:52 It is not about the radish and carrot.
00:39:55 It is about the girl who has a life.
00:39:57 I used to say that I see girls in Karachi.
00:40:00 My daughters...
00:40:01 She went to the parlour for the first time.
00:40:02 She came crying from the parlour.
00:40:04 She was in a mess.
00:40:06 My daughter-in-law is in America.
00:40:09 When my daughters were growing up, she sent me a box of makeup.
00:40:13 It was very beautiful.
00:40:14 It must have been of 25,000-30,000 rupees.
00:40:16 She sent it. I said, "My daughters don't do that."
00:40:18 "My daughters don't do that."
00:40:20 I said, "I won't send it again."
00:40:22 Let's come back to that.
00:40:24 Because she is in pain.
00:40:27 She is going from one place to another.
00:40:28 Basically, we are talking about...
00:40:30 ...before getting married, you should check...
00:40:33 ...in whichever house you are getting your daughter married.
00:40:36 When your daughter is so simple.
00:40:38 Normally, there are girls in the house.
00:40:41 Girls are mostly simple.
00:40:42 Those who study and write, they get some inspiration.
00:40:45 They understand how the world is.
00:40:47 How to behave with it.
00:40:49 And there is also a lot of naturalness.
00:40:50 A lot of girls are very simple.
00:40:53 They don't know how to handle in their new life.
00:40:56 New house, in-laws.
00:40:58 They are experienced mothers-in-law.
00:41:01 And all the elders are there.
00:41:03 They know the world.
00:41:04 They have to do whatever they are told.
00:41:09 So, they should inspire the girls.
00:41:11 So that they get to know.
00:41:12 It's not necessary to send them out to work.
00:41:15 It's a good thing if you are financially independent.
00:41:19 But if this is not in your family, it's okay.
00:41:23 But it's important for parents to emotionally strengthen the kids.
00:41:27 To strengthen both the kids.
00:41:30 How do you do it? Tell us how to do it.
00:41:32 It's very simple. - What is the method?
00:41:34 You are getting your daughter married.
00:41:35 You simply have to say, "We are with you."
00:41:39 Right and wrong, patience, patience, everything is in its place.
00:41:43 But you have to take care of your self-respect.
00:41:47 Sometimes, it's like, "We are with you."
00:41:51 And you get upset.
00:41:51 "We are with you." - When she keeps running to her mom.
00:41:55 She scolded me and ran to her mom.
00:41:56 That's the duty of a mother.
00:41:58 Look, Nida, your parents and your life partner.
00:42:02 Both of them have a big role on your personality.
00:42:05 If there is any problem and your mom scolds you.
00:42:08 You will be the most hurt.
00:42:10 And you will go to her first.
00:42:12 So when those kids are complaining again and again.
00:42:15 Like mom was saying.
00:42:17 Parents can guess that their child is exaggerating.
00:42:21 Or there is a problem.
00:42:23 So it's your duty.
00:42:25 You have lived so many years.
00:42:26 You are experienced.
00:42:28 So you have to make your child understand.
00:42:31 You have to make him understand and send him back.
00:42:33 Or I have to strengthen him. - Absolutely.
00:42:35 Look, you don't have to tolerate any kind of violence.
00:42:41 And once you get into a fight.
00:42:42 It doesn't stop.
00:42:44 It keeps on happening.
00:42:45 And now, there is a law on domestic violence.
00:42:47 Now, girls can call up their line.
00:42:51 They will come immediately. - Really?
00:42:53 Yes, they will take the husband.
00:42:55 He has passed.
00:42:55 Find out his number and tell me.
00:42:58 I will run a number in the show.
00:43:00 I will run a number. - Of domestic violence.
00:43:03 But don't call up a fake number.
00:43:05 No, no. - Don't call up a fake number.
00:43:07 They are very sharp.
00:43:07 Call up 155.
00:43:09 The police will come. - Okay.
00:43:11 Okay. - If you don't remember the number.
00:43:13 Call up 155.
00:43:13 The police will come.
00:43:14 Save him immediately.
00:43:15 There are mobile phones in the hands of children.
00:43:17 Make a video.
00:43:18 If a mother is getting beaten up.
00:43:20 The children are very sharp.
00:43:21 I tell them to make a video.
00:43:22 So that there is a proof.
00:43:23 It's very important. - Yes.
00:43:25 Sometimes, some relations are formed out of fear.
00:43:28 I don't know.
00:43:29 Some relations are formed out of fear.
00:43:31 Some relations are formed out of love.
00:43:33 Some relations are formed out of financial independence.
00:43:36 There are many women who are being oppressed.
00:43:41 And they say that there is no sharing in the house.
00:43:46 But when they are financially independent.
00:43:51 So that becomes a different thing.
00:43:53 What do you say?
00:43:54 The style changes.
00:43:56 Style.
00:43:56 I think we should teach our children to be financially independent.
00:44:04 We should make it compulsory for them.
00:44:07 That they should do some work after leaving the house.
00:44:10 There are some repercussions for that.
00:44:13 Because when you are financially independent.
00:44:16 So, yes.
00:44:18 According to the society, we want your husband to run your house.
00:44:23 Okay?
00:44:23 The head of the house should be a man.
00:44:26 And the head of the house should fulfill the needs of the house.
00:44:36 And the girls should earn the fallback of that house.
00:44:40 I have never seen in my life.
00:44:45 Or in the life of people around me.
00:44:47 That when a woman earns.
00:44:49 She only spends money on herself.
00:44:52 That's right.
00:44:52 It never happens.
00:44:53 That's right.
00:44:54 Because she has the house in front of her.
00:44:56 And she has the needs of that house in front of her.
00:44:57 Yes.
00:44:58 If she is not spending money on the house.
00:45:02 Then many times her family or her in-laws.
00:45:08 They think that she is earning but she is not doing anything.
00:45:11 So she is earning money.
00:45:13 We have given her the permission to earn money.
00:45:15 We have given her the facility to earn money.
00:45:18 And she is keeping her money with her.
00:45:21 And my child is in trouble.
00:45:23 Because he is earning money and taking care of her.
00:45:27 He is taking care of her expenses.
00:45:28 The thing is that eventually the girl's money will be spent in that house.
00:45:33 And if she spends it on her own clothes.
00:45:36 Then also she was responsible for this house.
00:45:39 She took some responsibility.
00:45:41 That she should take care of her clothes and her small expenses.
00:45:46 She should bring a tray home.
00:45:47 - Obviously. - Absolutely.
00:45:49 She has to run the house.
00:45:50 So it is important to make financially independent girls.
00:45:54 - It is important. - It is important for them.
00:45:57 So that they have left the house.
00:45:59 They have seen the outside world.
00:46:01 And if God forbid.
00:46:03 That day comes when they have to leave the house.
00:46:07 Then they have to burden their parents.
00:46:09 Absolutely. We are taking a short break.
00:46:11 Keep watching Good Morning Pakistan after the break.
00:46:13 Welcome, welcome back. Good Morning Pakistan.
00:46:17 So today we are going to talk about a very important topic.
00:46:20 Which is also very delicate.
00:46:22 That it shouldn't be like this.
00:46:23 Sometimes when I hear something, it hurts my heart.
00:46:26 And then we put it in our mind.
00:46:29 That this is what happens.
00:46:30 So some of our talks will suit some people.
00:46:34 And some of our talks won't suit some people.
00:46:37 But we will try to do all the talks with responsibility.
00:46:41 So you told me Neelam that there are four points.
00:46:45 - Is there a formula? - It is like that.
00:46:48 - Life is like that. - It is like that.
00:46:50 Nida, there is a senior researcher named Gottman.
00:46:53 He has done a lot of work on marriage.
00:46:55 He has assessed people's marriage very deeply.
00:46:58 And he has said that marriages that end.
00:47:02 That happens because of small things.
00:47:04 Everyone comes to solve big problems.
00:47:08 But the distance that you have.
00:47:10 If there are four reasons in communication.
00:47:14 If your communication with your partner.
00:47:17 If these four problems come.
00:47:19 Then understand that your relationship is getting worse.
00:47:22 The first thing.
00:47:24 If there is a lot of criticism.
00:47:26 From any partner.
00:47:28 On everything.
00:47:29 Why did you do this?
00:47:31 This should have been like this.
00:47:32 This painting will look good here.
00:47:33 Not here, it will look good here.
00:47:35 If there is criticism in everything.
00:47:38 Then understand that there is a problem.
00:47:41 The second thing he said.
00:47:43 That the use of taunt.
00:47:45 Which we also call contempt.
00:47:47 There is criticism.
00:47:48 But we come to our partner with anger.
00:47:52 Like what does she do all day at home?
00:47:55 She has to watch TV.
00:47:56 What else does she have to do?
00:47:58 Why are you asking how her day went?
00:48:00 She must have spent watching TV.
00:48:02 You are getting angry about your partner.
00:48:05 If this communication has started coming again and again.
00:48:08 There is a problem.
00:48:10 The third thing.
00:48:11 If your partner is sharing something with your husband or wife.
00:48:17 Telling that you said this in front of everyone.
00:48:20 I didn't like it.
00:48:21 Our normal reaction is that we become very defensive.
00:48:25 No, no, no.
00:48:26 You felt wrong.
00:48:27 I was not saying that.
00:48:28 It's not like that.
00:48:29 It's not like that at all.
00:48:30 The more you are defensive with your partner.
00:48:34 Understand that the communication is stopping.
00:48:36 He is trying to tell me what the problem is.
00:48:39 You are being defensive and rejecting his words again and again.
00:48:42 And the fourth thing.
00:48:44 We have seen this in marriage counseling couples.
00:48:50 In our culture, females usually complain.
00:48:54 That my husband has started ignoring me.
00:48:58 I am getting angry.
00:48:59 I am throwing things.
00:49:01 He is blank.
00:49:03 He leaves.
00:49:04 He doesn't show any reaction.
00:49:07 This is called stonewalling.
00:49:09 The other person has become so defiant.
00:49:13 That he doesn't react to your biggest reaction.
00:49:18 He has become a stonewall.
00:49:20 And he is not reacting.
00:49:23 This is the most dangerous stage.
00:49:26 If you are seeing in your relationship.
00:49:28 That you can say anything.
00:49:29 But the other person doesn't react.
00:49:32 That means the problem has gone too far.
00:49:35 And now it's time that you sit and resolve this.
00:49:40 So the way you communicate with your partner.
00:49:43 This happens in both.
00:49:44 One criticizes.
00:49:45 The other becomes defensive.
00:49:47 One says something else.
00:49:48 He talks in a sarcastic way.
00:49:50 The other person blocks him.
00:49:51 He is on the phone.
00:49:52 She is screaming.
00:49:53 She is crying.
00:49:54 Many females say that they were crying all night.
00:49:57 The husband didn't care.
00:49:58 These small things accumulate over the years.
00:50:02 The actual problem is not what happened now.
00:50:05 It's the baggage.
00:50:06 Oh.
00:50:07 Don't let that baggage accumulate.
00:50:10 Look, you will fight.
00:50:13 There is no question that you don't fight with your partner.
00:50:17 So soon you both come to the same page.
00:50:21 This is my mistake.
00:50:22 This is your mistake.
00:50:24 What to do now?
00:50:26 We don't know how to fix it.
00:50:29 We just have to give that it's his responsibility.
00:50:31 She is saying that we take it lightly.
00:50:32 Absolutely.
00:50:33 Fixing is so important.
00:50:34 And these four things are between every couple.
00:50:38 You can't be normal.
00:50:40 Often, you will hit each other.
00:50:43 Often, you will be defensive.
00:50:44 No.
00:50:45 And sometimes, if the person is really defensive,
00:50:50 it doesn't mean that the other person is taking it.
00:50:54 So what to do?
00:50:54 You should be quiet.
00:50:55 At that time, you should start noting these patterns.
00:50:58 It's normal to be like this.
00:51:00 If this is happening again and again,
00:51:02 if you are not able to reach the other person,
00:51:05 then this is the sign of the problem.
00:51:07 You don't have to do anything at that time.
00:51:09 The solution for these four things is
00:51:11 first, you tell what is going on.
00:51:13 You should understand where the problem is.
00:51:16 And then you should say,
00:51:18 this is an issue.
00:51:20 How do we fix it?
00:51:21 How do we move forward?
00:51:22 Now, if I ask you,
00:51:24 you are a director, you make dramas.
00:51:26 There are different stories in it.
00:51:28 You have lived a successful married life.
00:51:31 Masha Allah.
00:51:31 So, obviously, you have experience.
00:51:33 If I ask you, if you want to fix this,
00:51:36 what guidelines would you give
00:51:37 on how to fix this?
00:51:39 I think that these two people
00:51:44 who are in this relationship,
00:51:46 and at this time,
00:51:48 we should not talk about them.
00:51:52 Right?
00:51:53 Because these people are suppressed.
00:51:55 They are also in a suppressed situation.
00:51:58 They are also in a difficult situation.
00:51:59 We should talk about them in general.
00:52:00 We should talk about those who are educated.
00:52:04 And, well, if they are educated,
00:52:06 then they must be like this.
00:52:07 But, if they are a little more enlightened,
00:52:11 then this...
00:52:12 And generally,
00:52:15 those two people are mature people.
00:52:17 And they are intelligent people.
00:52:21 They have spent 20, 28, 25 years of their lives.
00:52:25 Right?
00:52:25 Which means, almost half their life.
00:52:27 Yes.
00:52:28 So, they should have this much understanding.
00:52:31 As I said earlier,
00:52:33 even before going into this relationship,
00:52:36 and even while living in this relationship,
00:52:38 that whatever is happening,
00:52:41 is a problem for both of us.
00:52:43 Your mother, my mother,
00:52:47 your sister, my friend are not involved in this.
00:52:50 Yes.
00:52:51 We will involve them for our catharsis.
00:52:53 So, it is safe for you to talk to your friends.
00:52:57 Oh, good point.
00:52:58 Safe.
00:52:59 Yes.
00:53:00 It is safe.
00:53:00 The logic behind it is that
00:53:02 if you talk to your friends,
00:53:04 you get catharsis.
00:53:05 And secondly, those friends are not your relatives.
00:53:08 Yes.
00:53:09 You don't have to meet them often.
00:53:11 So, if you tell your family,
00:53:13 your sisters, your mother, your father,
00:53:15 they won't be able to treat you well.
00:53:18 When you become friends.
00:53:20 Vice versa,
00:53:21 your in-laws will also be like that.
00:53:22 They will say, "My daughter-in-law has troubled my son."
00:53:24 And they won't be your friends.
00:53:26 Never talk to your parents,
00:53:28 your siblings,
00:53:29 your wife,
00:53:31 your husband.
00:53:35 Yes.
00:53:35 Because they are different people.
00:53:36 Yes.
00:53:37 They will keep it somewhere.
00:53:39 And it is possible that by mistake,
00:53:40 Yes.
00:53:40 they will say something to you.
00:53:43 Exactly.
00:53:44 They might say something to you.
00:53:46 You are those two people who have created this problem.
00:53:50 Basically.
00:53:50 I am telling my friends to talk to someone only because they want to.
00:53:54 And sometimes,
00:53:55 you hear your own voice while talking.
00:53:58 And you think, "Oh, okay.
00:54:00 I am saying this, and I am wrong."
00:54:02 "I am saying this."
00:54:04 So, you understand it yourself.
00:54:05 And if your friend is good,
00:54:07 he will also tell you exactly that
00:54:10 you are making a mistake.
00:54:12 Yes.
00:54:12 You know.
00:54:13 You should also see it.
00:54:13 See the things.
00:54:15 And he is not a bad person.
00:54:16 He is a good person.
00:54:18 Give him some time.
00:54:19 And of course, he is in trouble.
00:54:20 Because he is in a new place.
00:54:23 Yes.
00:54:23 A person has spent 25 years.
00:54:26 After that, immediately after marriage,
00:54:28 not only the girl's life changes,
00:54:29 the boy's life also changes.
00:54:30 The girl thinks in a very dangerous way
00:54:33 that I am going, I have new clothes, new shoes.
00:54:36 And there will be invitations.
00:54:37 There is support.
00:54:38 There will be good things.
00:54:39 When a boy goes into this relationship,
00:54:41 this new life,
00:54:42 he has a responsibility on him,
00:54:44 which he knows.
00:54:45 His pressure is very high.
00:54:47 Yes.
00:54:48 The girl also needs to understand that pressure.
00:54:50 Her family also needs it.
00:54:53 And if you can relieve it in any way, then do it.
00:54:57 Or at least acknowledge it in your heart,
00:54:59 if not in so many words.
00:55:01 So basically, the problem is that only two people will fix it.
00:55:05 And these two people are at least 25 years old.
00:55:08 And they should have so much intelligence in their brains
00:55:10 that they should fix it.
00:55:11 Otherwise, they will go to another world,
00:55:15 go to another life,
00:55:16 live with other people,
00:55:18 and take the problems with them.
00:55:19 Exactly.
00:55:20 The same problems.
00:55:21 And I have seen that happen to so many people.
00:55:24 Those who did not get married once,
00:55:25 they went to another marriage.
00:55:27 Exact same issues.
00:55:29 And then I am thinking,
00:55:30 oh, so the issue was that they went together.
00:55:32 Oh.
00:55:34 The issue was...
00:55:35 Together.
00:55:35 The issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
00:55:38 Mother-in-law leaves the equation,
00:55:40 because obviously, they have to leave after a while.
00:55:42 Yes.
00:55:43 Mother-in-law leaves,
00:55:44 but both husband and wife still fight.
00:55:46 The issue changes,
00:55:47 the mother-in-law does not stay.
00:55:48 Yes.
00:55:49 But the fight continues.
00:55:49 The fight continues.
00:55:50 The fight continues.
00:55:51 The issue is of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
00:55:52 Yes.
00:55:52 But she did not stay.
00:55:53 She left.
00:55:54 She understands,
00:55:55 it is obvious,
00:55:56 but she always has someone...
00:55:58 Mother does this, mother does that,
00:55:59 mother does this, mother does that.
00:56:00 Mother left the equation.
00:56:02 Yes.
00:56:03 They do this, they do that.
00:56:05 I mean, then it will be you.
00:56:07 You are agreeing with your wife today,
00:56:09 that your mother used to do this.
00:56:12 Tomorrow, your wife will target you,
00:56:14 because you have put her in the habit.
00:56:16 Yes.
00:56:17 So, it is a responsibility.
00:56:20 A very big one.
00:56:20 On the relationship.
00:56:21 On both the people.
00:56:22 Yes.
00:56:22 A little more on the boy,
00:56:24 because he will look outside too,
00:56:26 and he has to see a little,
00:56:27 that I have my...
00:56:28 And he is in a lot of trouble,
00:56:29 he is a human being.
00:56:30 Because he has to take his home with him,
00:56:32 he has to take his in-laws with him,
00:56:34 he has to keep the girl happy.
00:56:36 Yes.
00:56:36 He has to take this home to the right place.
00:56:39 So, I think...
00:56:39 Can I give a practical tip?
00:56:41 Please.
00:56:41 See, as you said,
00:56:42 there will be a fight.
00:56:44 Yes.
00:56:44 Between husband and wife.
00:56:45 In that, I give a tip,
00:56:47 that if you have a fight in the morning,
00:56:49 just finish it at breakfast,
00:56:51 and have a normal lunch.
00:56:52 Yes, that's so right.
00:56:53 Continue.
00:56:55 If you have a fight at lunch in the afternoon,
00:56:57 have dinner together at night,
00:56:58 and don't even mention it,
00:56:59 assume that it never happened.
00:57:01 Sometimes, by mentioning it,
00:57:02 sometimes...
00:57:03 It increases,
00:57:04 and then you become defensive.
00:57:05 I was thinking about this.
00:57:07 If you have a fight in the morning,
00:57:08 then forget that it happened.
00:57:09 Yes.
00:57:10 Then start normally.
00:57:11 Yes.
00:57:11 Then the fight ends there.
00:57:13 Sometimes, the blame starts,
00:57:14 and then we start arguing.
00:57:16 Yes, that's why you...
00:57:17 You have a fight...
00:57:18 If you start giving clarifications,
00:57:20 then the fight increases.
00:57:21 And you had a fight because,
00:57:22 there were some things in your heart,
00:57:24 there were some things in their heart,
00:57:26 and when you said something,
00:57:27 they left, right?
00:57:29 Move on.
00:57:30 - Move on. - Yes, finish it there.
00:57:31 And everyone has to acquire this quality.
00:57:35 And the people who divorce me,
00:57:38 believe me, I try to make it work.
00:57:41 I give them one advice,
00:57:42 I say, "Listen,
00:57:44 try to settle with this wife."
00:57:46 Yes.
00:57:47 Why?
00:57:47 The other woman,
00:57:49 she won't be your sister,
00:57:50 she'll be your wife.
00:57:51 Yes.
00:57:51 All wives are the same.
00:57:53 That's right.
00:57:54 And all husbands are the same.
00:57:55 Yes, that's the truth of it.
00:57:57 I explain to them,
00:57:58 that the other woman will also taunt you,
00:58:01 that she left you earlier,
00:58:03 you're bad.
00:58:04 Yes.
00:58:04 You're bad.
00:58:05 So, it's better...
00:58:06 He explains it to them as a man.
00:58:08 Yes, I say, "Make her your wife,
00:58:10 she'll settle."
00:58:11 Yes.
00:58:12 She's old, she's a widow, let her go.
00:58:14 But you have to make fun of yourself.
00:58:19 There's no point in bringing her.
00:58:20 Yes.
00:58:22 You'll get stuck.
00:58:23 The truth is,
00:58:24 you eat better,
00:58:26 so that your health quality improves.
00:58:28 Yes.
00:58:29 You go to better places,
00:58:31 so that your life quality improves.
00:58:33 You're looking for a better home,
00:58:35 a better future,
00:58:36 a better job.
00:58:38 So, if you want to make life better,
00:58:40 you'll have to improve the quality of marriage.
00:58:42 And to improve this quality,
00:58:44 you have to work hard.
00:58:46 Okay, you're a psychiatrist,
00:58:48 let me tell you,
00:58:48 they make you reconcile again and again,
00:58:51 then they send the girl back,
00:58:52 and then there are fights,
00:58:53 and then they come and go.
00:58:55 So, what happens is,
00:58:58 there was a function at Rotary Club,
00:58:59 I was the chief guest.
00:59:01 I gave a speech there,
00:59:02 that I shouldn't get a divorce,
00:59:03 because I'm against divorce.
00:59:05 So, I said, "Don't do it."
00:59:07 Because the children of broken families,
00:59:10 in all the criminology books that we have,
00:59:13 there are sources of criminals.
00:59:16 So, there's a chapter,
00:59:17 "Children from Broken Families."
00:59:20 Oh my God.
00:59:20 There's a whole chapter.
00:59:22 It's different,
00:59:23 that there are people who sell drugs,
00:59:25 and they work with inheritance,
00:59:27 and those who are in prostitution,
00:59:28 they work with inheritance.
00:59:30 There's also a chapter,
00:59:31 "Children from Broken Families."
00:59:33 Oh my God.
00:59:33 I gave this speech,
00:59:34 everyone listened,
00:59:35 then the food was served.
00:59:37 When I was eating,
00:59:38 a lady doctor came to me,
00:59:40 she said, "Sir, I'm a psychiatrist,
00:59:43 and my experience is different from yours."
00:59:45 I said, "What's that?"
00:59:46 She said, "The ones who fight every day,
00:59:48 and beat up children,
00:59:50 those children I've seen,
00:59:52 are worse than those of broken families,
00:59:55 and they are very scared.
00:59:57 Those children also go into a state of psychosis."
00:59:59 Believe me, I announced it,
01:00:01 and called everyone back on stage.
01:00:03 I gave the doctor a rostrum,
01:00:04 and I said, "Doctor, tell everyone what you've told me."
01:00:07 I said, "This is another..."
01:00:09 Another aspect.
01:00:11 Yes, there's another aspect,
01:00:12 and this is the other side of the picture.
01:00:13 I said, "I've told you my side,
01:00:15 after reading the book."
01:00:16 The doctor herself,
01:00:18 who's telling us,
01:00:19 I said, "Listen to the doctor,
01:00:21 this is very important."
01:00:23 And for me...
01:00:24 The women who say,
01:00:25 "They don't leave, they keep getting beaten up,
01:00:27 the children will become weak,
01:00:28 those children will do something else."
01:00:30 Yes, when the doctor told me this,
01:00:34 it was a boost in my knowledge.
01:00:36 -Absolutely. -Because I...
01:00:37 Thank you so much for coming here.
01:00:39 I said, "The children of broken families become criminals."
01:00:43 The doctor said, "No, they get better."
01:00:46 We've seen...
01:00:47 -The children of broken families... -The children of broken families...
01:00:49 -Yes. -The children of broken families...
01:00:51 -Where there are a lot of parents... -Exactly.
01:00:52 -Rifts, a lot of... -Exactly.
01:00:54 The children themselves say, "For God's sake,
01:00:56 -you guys should separate." -Separate.
01:00:57 Because they can't take the pressure,
01:00:58 the pressure goes to them.
01:01:00 -Exactly. -Automatically.
01:01:01 The doctor told me that the children I see,
01:01:03 -are the worst, like you said. -Yes, that's true.
01:01:06 See, the children learn only what's happening around them,
01:01:10 what's happening in their environment.
01:01:12 Now, imagine that your car has an accident,
01:01:16 will you recover from it or will you have an accident every day?
01:01:20 If there's violence at home every day,
01:01:22 if there's a fight every day,
01:01:23 -if there's an argument every day... -That's a good example.
01:01:25 Exactly. If that happens every day,
01:01:28 it will have a very strong impact on the child's personality.
01:01:32 -In fact... -Shatter the brain.
01:01:33 When the child grows up, the partner he chooses for himself,
01:01:37 will also be influenced by it.
01:01:38 If he has always seen his mother being suppressed,
01:01:42 always seen her being suppressed,
01:01:43 his partner's expectation will be that he will always be suppressed.
01:01:47 -Exactly. -Because he has seen it.
01:01:49 But when a strong person comes forward,
01:01:51 he doesn't know how to handle it.
01:01:53 We have reached the actual place in a very automatic way.
01:01:59 Because we started this conversation with divorces,
01:02:02 but the real impact of this fight between these two people...
01:02:08 -is happening in the next generation. -It's happening.
01:02:10 The child will leave the house,
01:02:12 he will run away,
01:02:14 he doesn't want to stay in the same place where accidents happen every day.
01:02:17 And he knows that both of them have come forward,
01:02:19 and they will do the same.
01:02:20 So, you are traumatizing that child in such a bad way.
01:02:25 So, please think about it,
01:02:27 if your lives are not gelling with each other,
01:02:31 if you feel that you can't do it,
01:02:34 for whatever reason,
01:02:34 maybe you don't have the temperament to live with someone,
01:02:38 you found out after living with someone,
01:02:40 or you don't have the temperament to live with someone,
01:02:43 or for whatever reason,
01:02:45 then separate.
01:02:46 We were saying that you should live together.
01:02:48 But then,
01:02:50 don't bring children into the world.
01:02:53 Until you both understand each other.
01:02:57 And if you do,
01:02:59 okay? By default,
01:03:01 by mutual understanding,
01:03:05 by your will,
01:03:07 if you have children,
01:03:10 then stop fighting.
01:03:12 Then, make life's purpose only for those people,
01:03:17 who will compromise for your children.
01:03:20 Then, stop fighting with yourself.
01:03:25 And take life in a direction,
01:03:28 where you and whoever tortures you,
01:03:32 you become a little aloof from each other.
01:03:34 Like they say, a car has two wheels, husband and wife.
01:03:37 - Yes. - Then the wheels...
01:03:38 - Side by side. - Side by side.
01:03:40 But don't clash.
01:03:42 And don't let them clash.
01:03:43 When they clash,
01:03:44 - one should... - Surrender.
01:03:47 separate.
01:03:48 The other should...
01:03:51 - Either one of them. - Like I said,
01:03:55 it's not 50-50.
01:03:56 - Sometimes it's 70. - 75-25.
01:03:59 You have to do some calculations.
01:04:02 Don't expect that you'll get 50% from the other side.
01:04:06 Watch Good Morning Pakistan after a short break.
01:04:09 "Good morning to you."
01:04:11 Welcome back, Good Morning Pakistan.
01:04:13 Today, we're trying to help you
01:04:15 to solve some of the problems
01:04:19 that you're facing in life.
01:04:22 But the problem is so big,
01:04:25 what can you do? You're there,
01:04:26 you can go and help them.
01:04:29 We've already shown that kids
01:04:31 are becoming toxic because of your fights.
01:04:35 And I don't know how they'll grow up.
01:04:37 - They go to the city. - They'll absorb all the negativity.
01:04:41 I have some families here
01:04:44 who have been abused in life, obviously.
01:04:47 But they must have learned something from their lives.
01:04:50 Why don't we learn something from their experiences?
01:04:54 - Thank you, Rita. - Your name?
01:04:56 - Fauzia Ismail. - Fauzia Ismail.
01:04:59 Fauzia, what happened in your life?
01:05:02 First of all, I'd like to thank you all,
01:05:05 ARY and NIDA,
01:05:07 for giving me this opportunity
01:05:10 to share my experience.
01:05:12 Maybe the future generations
01:05:16 will benefit from this.
01:05:18 - I'll give you some advice. - What happened to you?
01:05:21 My family was a rich family.
01:05:24 My elder brother got married at a very good price.
01:05:27 On behalf of my parents,
01:05:29 - I was very happy. - So, your parents weren't there?
01:05:33 - No, they were there. - But your brother...
01:05:35 - He got married first. - He got married first.
01:05:37 I had two elder sisters.
01:05:40 - And five elder brothers. - Yes.
01:05:42 So, I didn't leave anything behind.
01:05:46 And my husband was very nice, very loving.
01:05:49 My in-laws were very loving and caring.
01:05:50 I mean, he was the best in everything.
01:05:54 And God blessed me with a daughter and a son.
01:05:58 - We were a perfect family. - Okay.
01:06:00 But as they say,
01:06:03 - the family is always separated. - Yes.
01:06:05 So, my in-laws used to come and meet me.
01:06:09 But the love for my family is natural.
01:06:13 - Yes. - So, I didn't know...
01:06:15 My fifth brother, his name is Kashik,
01:06:18 he came and started meeting my father-in-law.
01:06:22 I was in the kitchen, serving tea and other things.
01:06:26 He had only one daughter-in-law at that time.
01:06:28 And all the in-laws were men.
01:06:30 My grandfather and father-in-law were alive and I used to serve them.
01:06:32 So, I was very busy.
01:06:34 I was used to it from the beginning.
01:06:35 My mother was used to it too.
01:06:37 She was very good at cooking.
01:06:39 So, my brothers used to meet them and leave.
01:06:42 I didn't know about it.
01:06:44 So, I found out...
01:06:46 I found out about it after so long that my brother came to me in 2012.
01:06:50 My father-in-law passed away at that time.
01:06:51 He refused to let my husband know
01:06:55 that he had done all this.
01:06:57 - What happened? - He kept taking money from them.
01:06:59 - He kept taking money? - Yes.
01:07:02 He kept doing his work.
01:07:03 He kept being a victim.
01:07:04 I didn't know about it.
01:07:06 - Okay. - When it was time for my brother's wedding,
01:07:08 my parents didn't want to participate.
01:07:10 My brother got married of his own choice.
01:07:13 I made him stand and support my brother.
01:07:17 I supported him a lot.
01:07:18 So, in 2012, he came to me and demanded
01:07:22 that my daughters would become orphans
01:07:24 and that I give them my set
01:07:26 which I got from my in-laws.
01:07:27 My husband gave it to me with a lot of love.
01:07:29 It was a set of seven tolas. It was very nice.
01:07:32 It was a 24 karat gold set.
01:07:34 He said that he was getting a loan.
01:07:36 He lied to me that he was getting a loan.
01:07:39 He said that even a bird won't fly there.
01:07:41 I was in a dilemma because of my brother's love.
01:07:44 He was crying.
01:07:47 I was in a dilemma that something bad might happen to him.
01:07:49 He said that he had to return the money to someone.
01:07:50 He said that he would get a loan and tell me.
01:07:53 - You didn't tell anyone about it? - Not to anyone.
01:07:55 Not to my mother, husband or my children.
01:07:59 - You gave it to him? - Yes.
01:08:01 - What happened after that? - After a year and a half,
01:08:04 when I demanded, he started lying to me.
01:08:07 My husband also asked me.
01:08:10 He needed something and he discussed it with me.
01:08:12 My sister-in-law, Fauzia, is my name.
01:08:15 She said that she would invest it in a business.
01:08:18 She had a boutique of bridal dresses.
01:08:21 She said that she would invest in it.
01:08:23 The situation was getting worse.
01:08:26 She took the money and sold it.
01:08:30 When she found out that her husband didn't find it at home,
01:08:34 I was done.
01:08:35 - You got divorced? - Yes.
01:08:36 - Because of this? - Yes.
01:08:37 He was very angry.
01:08:39 - He said that... - Did you divorce him out of anger?
01:08:42 - I divorced him out of anger. - Did you ever talk to him?
01:08:45 - Did you try to patch up? - I tried a lot.
01:08:49 I hid it from my mother for three years.
01:08:53 I told my brother that she was not well.
01:08:56 I kept telling my brother.
01:08:58 I told him that my daughter would get married.
01:09:02 I told him not to tell anyone.
01:09:04 I didn't want to cause any problem at the wedding.
01:09:07 My brother didn't care.
01:09:09 He beat up everyone.
01:09:12 - He divorced me. - Was he the one who got you married?
01:09:16 No, he was the one who never came home to drink water.
01:09:19 - He was the other brother? - Yes.
01:09:22 He is a very nice person. He loves me a lot.
01:09:26 I am younger than him.
01:09:27 But he ruined everything.
01:09:32 - How many children do you have? - I have two children.
01:09:36 - Did your father keep them? - No, I have children.
01:09:39 He didn't do anything wrong.
01:09:41 Dadyal is a loving person.
01:09:44 He told me to let my children stay with my mother.
01:09:47 - Did he give you money? - Yes.
01:09:49 When you gave your husband's jewelry set,
01:09:53 did you have only that?
01:09:56 - My mother's jewelry set. - Where was it?
01:09:58 My brother took it.
01:10:00 - He took it to pay the loan. - Everyone took it.
01:10:03 - He did all this. - What do you think you did wrong?
01:10:06 I think when I got angry and said I would return it,
01:10:11 I told my wife, who I had brought home as a bride,
01:10:15 I set the house and supported her so much
01:10:18 that she couldn't go to her in-laws.
01:10:20 She used to come to me and sit with me.
01:10:23 I used to arrange lunch and dinner for her.
01:10:25 She didn't have to give it to you.
01:10:27 She blocked my number from my brother.
01:10:30 She asked me what proof I had and what I had written.
01:10:34 The lawyer is here.
01:10:36 - I want to consult him. - What can I do?
01:10:38 - Oh God! - This is a matter of the heart.
01:10:41 You could have just apologized to your husband.
01:10:43 - What was wrong with him? - I did apologize.
01:10:45 He didn't tell his siblings about this.
01:10:49 - His father hid it. - How did he divorce her?
01:10:53 - Why did he make such a big decision? - Yes.
01:10:55 - He divorced her just to hear her out. - He didn't think twice.
01:10:57 - What is this? - He just wanted to...
01:10:58 - You broke his trust. - If you don't think twice,
01:11:01 you can get a divorce and get back together.
01:11:03 You can get into a big fight.
01:11:05 - You can change the situation. - Sometimes, it happens.
01:11:09 Did he lose his trust in you?
01:11:11 - Or did he have someone else in his life? - No.
01:11:14 No one has ever come into my life.
01:11:15 - He was with his sister. - I think you can still go back.
01:11:19 - I want to consult you. - I think...
01:11:21 - Oh God! - I will request your husband
01:11:26 - through this platform. - Yes.
01:11:27 - It's been 10 years. - Life is...
01:11:29 Like I said a while ago, it's not just about you two.
01:11:33 You have two kids.
01:11:35 And you made a mistake by giving birth to those kids.
01:11:38 - You are admitting it in front of everyone. - What was his mistake?
01:11:42 - We are saying that it was your mistake. - You trusted your brother.
01:11:44 - You trusted your brother. - And people do that.
01:11:46 - It happens. - It happens between siblings.
01:11:49 When siblings face difficulties, they help each other.
01:11:52 If your husband is generous,
01:11:55 - He is very disturbed. - and forgives you,
01:11:56 God will give him 16 tons instead of 8.
01:11:59 - Absolutely. - He will get double.
01:12:01 Because the account is not here. It's somewhere else.
01:12:04 - God will pay for it. - And the balance is very...
01:12:08 I want to say this through this program
01:12:10 that if my brother or sister-in-law is watching me,
01:12:13 - I will bring it myself. - No, no.
01:12:15 - He won't give it. - Don't say that.
01:12:16 - He is watching you. - If you say that now,
01:12:20 - I will be a little upset with you. - Yes, tell me.
01:12:22 Because you should move on from this.
01:12:24 - Those two people will never return your money. - They won't.
01:12:27 Don't say that again. It will waste your time.
01:12:31 - No, I... - Whatever you have to do...
01:12:33 - Whatever you have to do... - Communicate with your husband.
01:12:36 - Exactly. - He doesn't listen to you.
01:12:39 I can talk to him through the kids.
01:12:41 Talk to him. Tell him.
01:12:42 Talk to him through the kids.
01:12:45 - Tell him that we want to live with you. - Tell him that you gave me.
01:12:48 I don't want to wear jewelry.
01:12:49 - Tell him that I am going without jewelry. - Yes.
01:12:52 - And you will forgive him. - Tell him that I don't want jewelry.
01:12:56 - Tell him that I don't want it. - It's the kid's job.
01:12:58 When she grows up and gets married...
01:12:59 - It's her fate. - How are you living now?
01:13:02 - Who is supporting you? - I am a makeup artist.
01:13:05 - Right? You are supporting yourself. - I am a makeup artist.
01:13:08 - Do you save up? - I support my husband.
01:13:11 - What does he do? - I can't do it.
01:13:13 - You can't. - Because of the inflation.
01:13:14 - But you are doing it now. - I am doing it.
01:13:16 You will have kids in the future. You will support your husband.
01:13:19 - Whatever you are doing... - I support him.
01:13:20 You are running your house.
01:13:22 If you run both of them together, it will be easier.
01:13:25 - I have an important question. - What does your husband do?
01:13:29 - Clearing forwarding. - Clearing forwarding?
01:13:31 - It will be very difficult. - I want to raise a point.
01:13:34 After listening to her.
01:13:35 Neelam, I want to ask you.
01:13:37 Girls don't know how to balance.
01:13:40 Between their parents and in-laws.
01:13:42 - Why don't they know? - They don't.
01:13:44 When they are newly married, they are raw.
01:13:47 - Girls should work on their brains. - Tell me something.
01:13:51 - What is the purpose of life? - When daughters get married...
01:13:53 Mothers never tell them what to do.
01:13:57 - When daughters... - Everyone learns from dramas.
01:13:59 - When daughters get married... - They are grown up now.
01:14:02 When daughters get married, they are at least 20 years old.
01:14:06 They need to take responsibility for their lives.
01:14:10 You are looking after your parents, your in-laws,
01:14:13 your siblings, you are looking after their families.
01:14:16 Learn from them.
01:14:18 No one can teach you words.
01:14:20 Look at people and learn.
01:14:23 - What kind of life do you want? - I think...
01:14:25 - Then make that life for yourself. - I think...
01:14:27 You don't understand until you have experience.
01:14:29 You learn when you are faced with a challenge.
01:14:31 What would you say?
01:14:32 - Like you said earlier. - Yes.
01:14:34 - Look... - They say...
01:14:37 - You can't learn swimming... - Yes.
01:14:39 - By reading a book on swimming. - Yes.
01:14:41 - Until you jump... - Exactly.
01:14:43 You won't learn swimming.
01:14:45 - Read 10 books on swimming. - Yes.
01:14:48 - Until you go in... - Tell me.
01:14:50 - What do you say? - Look...
01:14:52 The problem is not about sleeping.
01:14:56 The problem is that the person who has kept you so well for so long,
01:14:59 - the problem is that you didn't tell him. - Yes.
01:15:03 - You were mistaken. - He was a misguided man.
01:15:04 - He was a misguided man. - Exactly.
01:15:06 - You didn't trust him. - You didn't trust him.
01:15:10 Exactly. The point is that he must have reacted to that pain.
01:15:15 The problem is that you have to choose how to balance.
01:15:21 But you and your husband are together.
01:15:24 It's important to talk about values.
01:15:28 What are values?
01:15:30 What should my partner do for me that is most important for me?
01:15:36 For example, trust.
01:15:39 Trust and priority.
01:15:41 My partner is most important for me.
01:15:44 It happens often.
01:15:46 Many people from the husband's family confide in you.
01:15:49 They don't tell you what happened.
01:15:52 You have to choose whether you should focus on other people
01:15:56 - or you and your husband are a team. - Exactly.
01:16:00 I want to enhance this.
01:16:02 Before someone misses this in this conversation.
01:16:07 You got married.
01:16:09 You and your husband are the most important.
01:16:12 - That's it. - Your sister, brother, parents are behind you.
01:16:16 - They are the most important. - That house is the most important.
01:16:17 How many years have you been separated from them?
01:16:20 - How long? - Since 2012.
01:16:23 - 11 years. - Your children...
01:16:26 I was wrong and a criminal.
01:16:29 - I won't return to that. - What can we do to convince them?
01:16:33 I would like to request... What's your husband's name?
01:16:37 - Behzad Sultan. - What?
01:16:38 - Behzad Sultan. - Behzad, we request you.
01:16:42 If you don't get married again and if you don't have any other problem.
01:16:46 This is a big injustice. 12 years of separation.
01:16:50 Because for 12 years, the children didn't get their father's love.
01:16:54 - That too, because of 8 years. - It would have been a big thing.
01:16:58 But now, it doesn't seem so big.
01:16:59 And your wife is a good woman in a way.
01:17:03 She is acknowledging that she made a mistake.
01:17:06 - And we are all telling her that she made a mistake. - Yes.
01:17:09 - All year admitted. - So please...
01:17:11 Put your life back on track for your children.
01:17:13 - They won't be happy alone. - Yes.
01:17:17 - They are happy. - Yes.
01:17:18 Do you meet your children?
01:17:19 - Yes. - He is a good man.
01:17:22 - But he has become emotional. - That's it.
01:17:24 - Both of you live separately. - We don't know.
01:17:27 Don't meet each other. But live in one house.
01:17:29 So that the children get one house.
01:17:31 And at one place, they get the love of their parents.
01:17:34 - We pray for you. - Our prayers are with you.
01:17:38 - Absolutely. - Yes.
01:17:40 - Oh God. - God willing, you will have a problem.
01:17:43 - After today's program. - This was sad.
01:17:45 - You must be seeing this. - This is a big commitment.
01:17:49 - And now... - You are saying 12 years.
01:17:52 You shouldn't have spent 12 years.
01:17:56 Life is precious.
01:17:57 - At any moment... - It's a calculation.
01:17:59 People spend 3-4 years.
01:18:02 And then they meet and waste 4 years of their lives.
01:18:05 - My father passed away in this world. - God has sent us to this world.
01:18:09 - To run this world. - My father passed away in this world.
01:18:12 God has sent us to this world.
01:18:15 You two were together. It was an arranged marriage.
01:18:18 Many things happen.
01:18:19 It was God's will.
01:18:21 You can't go against God's will.
01:18:23 You can't break it. You have to answer.
01:18:27 Both of you.
01:18:28 So both of you apologize to God.
01:18:30 And put your lives on track for your children.
01:18:33 Sometimes, two good people can't live together.
01:18:36 - Because... - Misunderstandings.
01:18:39 Misunderstandings, ego, fear, fear of God.
01:18:43 If I think that one person can build a relationship again...
01:18:49 - There is no... - And the one who passes away...
01:18:53 - There is a lot... - There is a lot of...
01:18:55 - He is ready. - There is a lot of...
01:18:57 - Yes. - He has to move forward.
01:18:58 Who knows, he should be convinced.
01:19:00 - Who knows... - You didn't even try to convince him.
01:19:04 I tried to convince him to return.
01:19:06 - I tried to convince him. - He didn't return.
01:19:08 - Please, don't talk. - Yes.
01:19:11 That person...
01:19:12 That person's fate is with God.
01:19:16 - Of course. - He is not with you.
01:19:18 - God willing. - And leave him.
01:19:20 If you return that jewelry to your husband,
01:19:22 he won't come back for 12 years.
01:19:23 It's possible that he will come back.
01:19:25 - You sit with him. - No, 12 years.
01:19:27 Talk to him.
01:19:28 Sit with Behzad.
01:19:29 - He has committed a lot of crimes. - No, please.
01:19:33 - No, no, no. - Of course.
01:19:34 - You are doing this. - He is stuck somewhere else.
01:19:37 - You are stuck in time. - Yes.
01:19:39 - You should move forward. - Yes.
01:19:41 - Don't do this. - Forget your brother.
01:19:42 - Remember your husband. - God is there.
01:19:43 - Hold him. - You are here.
01:19:44 - He is here. - Return him.
01:19:46 You will see.
01:19:47 - Don't touch your husband. - We are going on a break.
01:19:49 Thank you so much for discussing with us on small points.
01:19:53 - I think if a few houses... - Get settled.
01:19:57 ...get settled, after listening to a few things,
01:20:00 - our morning work will be done. - Our goal will be done.
01:20:03 - Our duty will be done. - Okay.
01:20:05 - Thank you so much. - Thank you.
01:20:07 We will take a short break.
01:20:09 We will continue after the break. Good morning, Pakistan.
01:20:11 Welcome. Welcome back.
01:20:15 Good morning, Pakistan.
01:20:16 I have good news for you.
01:20:18 We always hear bad news.
01:20:20 Expenses. Gold is expensive.
01:20:22 Dollar is expensive. Petrol is expensive.
01:20:25 I have good news for you regarding that.
01:20:28 I would like to introduce you to Dr. Muhammad Amjad,
01:20:32 who is the co-founder and CEO of Jolta and Paxon Electric Motors,
01:20:39 a private limited company.
01:20:40 And I have with me Shahzaib Amjad,
01:20:43 who is the MD of Jolta and Paxon Electric Motors,
01:20:48 a private limited company.
01:20:48 - Greetings. - Greetings.
01:20:50 I was right. We have good news for you.
01:20:52 - It's very good news. - Isn't it?
01:20:54 - Yes. - For the past two years,
01:20:56 the vehicles that you have brought,
01:21:00 motorbikes, electric motorbikes and bicycles,
01:21:05 electric bicycles,
01:21:06 we will tell people about them.
01:21:08 It's been two years, right?
01:21:09 The thing that we are talking about is expensive
01:21:12 and people get worried because of its cost.
01:21:15 But this is a thing that is giving you a message.
01:21:20 - It's giving you relief. - Relief.
01:21:21 That there is something that is good for you
01:21:23 and also cheap for you.
01:21:24 Yes. Absolutely.
01:21:26 How did you come up with the idea of bringing out electric bikes?
01:21:29 I had heard about electric cars in the West
01:21:33 and there are charging stations there when we go out.
01:21:37 How did you come up with the idea of doing it here?
01:21:39 There are two reasons for this.
01:21:41 One is the basic thing that we wanted to end fuel consumption.
01:21:46 Because almost 4 billion dollars of annual fuel
01:21:49 is used only on bikes in Pakistan.
01:21:51 - Yes. - So it's a big import bill.
01:21:54 One is that we wanted to do this, we talked to the government.
01:21:56 Second is that it's eco-friendly.
01:21:58 It's environment-friendly.
01:21:59 It doesn't have carbon, smoke, sound.
01:22:04 So it's a concept of green Pakistan.
01:22:07 We wanted to keep the environment clean.
01:22:09 So we thought of doing this with these two things.
01:22:13 But we don't have charging stations.
01:22:15 If we buy an electric bike, where will we go to charge it?
01:22:19 There is no requirement for charging stations for electric bikes.
01:22:23 You just need a charger for the normal plug in your house.
01:22:26 - Like a mobile charger? - Yes, like a mobile charger.
01:22:29 It's a small charger, you can carry it.
01:22:32 If you're going to the office, you can charge it there.
01:22:34 You can charge it at home, it's very easy.
01:22:36 Do you have to put it on the bike charger
01:22:39 or does it run out of battery?
01:22:41 The battery is in the bike, it has a socket.
01:22:44 It's a charger the size of a laptop adapter.
01:22:48 You put it directly in the bike
01:22:49 and you don't have to change anything in the socket.
01:22:53 - You can connect it. - How long will it take?
01:22:55 For example, you've reached home at 6.30 pm.
01:22:58 And you have to go to your wife's house at night.
01:23:01 - How long will it take? - We have different versions.
01:23:04 The high-end versions charge in two hours.
01:23:07 And the lower-end versions charge in four to five hours.
01:23:11 Okay.
01:23:12 How much electricity does it consume?
01:23:14 It consumes 1.5 units of electricity.
01:23:17 All bikes consume 1.5 units to get fully charged.
01:23:22 So, the bike gets fully charged between 80 and 100.
01:23:25 Okay.
01:23:26 And how long does it take to get fully charged?
01:23:29 These are different models.
01:23:31 The high-end models, the 125R,
01:23:33 it will run in 200 km in a single charge.
01:23:37 Then we have the 100L, it will run for 130 km.
01:23:41 And then we have the 70 series, it will run for 100 km.
01:23:45 - It also comes with a swappable battery. - Which one?
01:23:48 - Swappable battery. - Okay.
01:23:49 You can open the box from the side
01:23:52 and take out the battery.
01:23:54 Like you said, if you have to take your wife somewhere
01:23:57 or if there's an emergency,
01:23:58 - you have a separate battery. - Fully charged battery.
01:24:00 It's already fully charged at home.
01:24:02 You can take out the battery and plug it in.
01:24:05 - That's also convenient. - And you can plug it in.
01:24:06 So, this is a new concept which is coming soon.
01:24:09 Tell us about the battery life and its maintenance.
01:24:13 There's nothing much to say about the maintenance.
01:24:15 Conventional bikes have many parts
01:24:17 that you have to get maintenance every month.
01:24:19 Like the chain, the silencer, the gears, the filter, the oil.
01:24:24 You have to pay a maintenance cost of Rs. 5000 to Rs. 8000 on a regular basis.
01:24:27 - It doesn't have all that. - Okay.
01:24:29 It's purely electric.
01:24:31 So, there's no maintenance cost.
01:24:34 - Okay. - You just have to get it replaced
01:24:36 when it runs out of life.
01:24:38 And if you're asking about the life,
01:24:39 the lower-end bike has a dry-gel battery.
01:24:43 It gives you around 1.5 to 2 years of life.
01:24:46 Then you have to get it replaced and you get the battery.
01:24:49 And tell us about the spare parts.
01:24:51 - Where can we get them? - Everywhere.
01:24:53 All our dealers, distributors, showrooms,
01:24:56 we have spare parts everywhere.
01:24:59 - Okay. - So, if anyone has a problem,
01:25:01 he can go there. Our technicians,
01:25:03 after-sales service, people are fully equipped.
01:25:07 If you want to change a part, you can get it repaired.
01:25:11 We give you a free warranty.
01:25:13 After the warranty, we charge it at a nominal price.
01:25:17 A lot of people have solar panels installed at home.
01:25:21 - Will they charge it from there? - Yes.
01:25:23 If you have solar panels installed,
01:25:24 you can charge the bike directly from the solar panels.
01:25:27 The battery doesn't get damaged.
01:25:29 Additionally, our high-end bikes have a life of 10 years.
01:25:33 - Okay. - They have a life of 1 to 10 years.
01:25:35 - Okay. - For the lithium ones.
01:25:36 If I compare it to a normal bike that runs on petrol,
01:25:39 how much money can you save?
01:25:41 You can save more than 1.5 lakh rupees per year.
01:25:45 1.5 lakh rupees per year.
01:25:48 - Either in maintenance or fuel. - Yes.
01:25:51 - Oh. - It depends on your consumption.
01:25:53 It depends on the mileage. It all depends.
01:25:56 - Yes. - Those who use less, save less.
01:25:59 Because people spend around Rs. 1,500 to Rs. 2,000
01:26:03 on maintenance.
01:26:04 - Yes. - Because they change the plugs.
01:26:06 - The normal bikes. - The parts break.
01:26:09 - They save around Rs. 1,500 to Rs. 2,000. - Yes.
01:26:11 Then comes the fuel.
01:26:12 It depends on your mileage.
01:26:15 You can save around Rs. 5,000 to 7,000 per month on fuel.
01:26:20 - Okay. - If you look at it,
01:26:23 - if it's not 1.2 lakh, - Yes.
01:26:26 you can save at least Rs. 1 lakh per year.
01:26:28 Okay, tell me about the models.
01:26:30 - We have six bike models. - Yes.
01:26:32 Two of them are 70 series, 70D and 70L.
01:26:36 Then we have 100 series, 100E and 100L.
01:26:39 And two scooties, Scooty L and Scooty D.
01:26:42 Inshallah, we'll have 125 and 150 models.
01:26:45 What were you saying about women?
01:26:47 Did you say that you have a scooty for women?
01:26:49 - It's a special design of a scooty. - Okay.
01:26:52 - It has different variants. - Okay.
01:26:55 - It's getting very popular. - Yes.
01:26:58 It's very attractive for working women and students.
01:27:01 - Yes. - The government has recently announced
01:27:04 that they'll give 5,000 scooties to women
01:27:07 on the government's installment.
01:27:09 - The proposal is in progress. - So, can you have one?
01:27:13 - No, it has electric. - Oh!
01:27:16 - Electric scooties. - Okay.
01:27:17 - And it looks very decent. - It looks good.
01:27:22 - It looks good. - Yes.
01:27:23 It'll be a good thing for women.
01:27:25 It looks good and the sitting position is comfortable for women.
01:27:30 It's very difficult for girls to sit on conventional bikes.
01:27:33 It has a storage space and reverse gear.
01:27:36 - It's very convenient. - And the cycle is for women.
01:27:39 - Yes. - It has a bicycle.
01:27:41 We have four cycles.
01:27:43 The Fat Mountain is for off-roading.
01:27:45 Caspian and Caspian Plus.
01:27:47 And the Lady Cycle is fully electric.
01:27:49 - Yes. - We have two versions.
01:27:51 One is for 50 km.
01:27:54 And we'll launch the 100 km version
01:27:57 - which can be used for delivery. - Yes.
01:27:59 It's easy for that too.
01:28:01 Have you come up with a scheme for finance,
01:28:06 for instalments, or have you made any plans
01:28:09 - to make people benefit from it? - Yes.
01:28:11 There are two ways.
01:28:12 We don't give it on instalments
01:28:14 - because we work in wholesale. - Okay.
01:28:16 We have distributors and dealers all over Pakistan.
01:28:20 - Okay. - So, they finance it on their own.
01:28:23 - Okay. - They give it on instalments.
01:28:25 And Shahzaib has made agreements with different banks.
01:28:29 Alfala Bank, Mizan Bank, Bank of Punjab.
01:28:32 - Okay. - So, people will approach them
01:28:34 and they'll get instalments on the credit card they've issued.
01:28:39 - So, this is very easy. - Okay.
01:28:41 - Explain a little about Alfala. - Yes.
01:28:43 - If you have an account in a bank... - Yes.
01:28:45 - ...you can apply for a loan. - Yes.
01:28:48 And your bike will be financed.
01:28:50 And it has zero markup for six months.
01:28:53 - Okay. - So, you don't have to pay
01:28:56 - more than the standard price. - Okay.
01:28:58 And it has multiple plans.
01:28:59 It has a one-year plan, a two-year plan, and a three-year plan.
01:29:02 - So, you can finance it according to your needs. - Okay.
01:29:05 Explain the registration procedure.
01:29:07 - We are the only one in Pakistan... - Do you need to read it?
01:29:09 ...that has electric bikes registered.
01:29:12 So, the way patrol bikes are registered,
01:29:15 it has the same concept.
01:29:16 You get the same documents.
01:29:18 You go to the exercise and they get registered.
01:29:20 And the benefit of this is that the government has a subsidy for this.
01:29:23 - Okay. - The patrol bikes cost 10,000 to 15,000.
01:29:27 - The bikes are registered for 5,000. - Okay.
01:29:30 And the capital city has free registration.
01:29:32 - Okay. - In Islamabad.
01:29:34 - Okay. - But I would like to say that
01:29:37 there are 18 other companies who have jumped into this business
01:29:40 - Okay. - over the last one year.
01:29:42 - Okay. - But we are the only one.
01:29:44 We have two companies that are officially allowed for registration.
01:29:48 - Okay. - Because it has a system
01:29:50 that you have to get approved by the EDB,
01:29:53 after the license, through the PSQC.
01:29:55 Then you apply for exercise in every province.
01:29:58 Then you get permission and you do each bike with its proper chaser number.
01:30:03 - Okay. - The other companies are not getting registered.
01:30:05 They have not even taken permission.
01:30:07 And we have confidence in our people
01:30:09 that they can buy anything from us.
01:30:10 Even scooty, people are not getting it registered.
01:30:12 But our scooty is also registered.
01:30:14 - Okay. - So, you become secure in this.
01:30:16 Okay, tell me a little about your social media handles or website
01:30:21 so that people can get more information about you.
01:30:26 We are also available on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter.
01:30:29 Our accounts are available on all our platforms.
01:30:32 And you can get information about our models there.
01:30:35 - Okay. - Then we have a website.
01:30:36 You can purchase from there.
01:30:38 There is information there as well.
01:30:39 - Okay. - And all our showroom addresses are there.
01:30:42 - Okay. - And furthermore, we have a mobile application
01:30:45 - on Android and iOS. - Okay.
01:30:46 Our product catalog is available there as well.
01:30:48 - You can get information from there. - Okay.
01:30:51 - Now, let's talk about customers. - Okay.
01:30:53 If you want to get dealership distribution,
01:30:56 what is the process?
01:30:58 You have to call us on the UA numbers and the numbers provided to us.
01:31:02 - Okay. - And then we have a procedure for dealership.
01:31:06 You have to fill some forms and some requirements.
01:31:09 You have to give them to us and then you can open a dealership.
01:31:12 Currently, we have more than 150 dealers in Pakistan.
01:31:14 - Okay. - And we have three company-operated showrooms as well.
01:31:18 One is in Karachi, one is in Rawalpindi and one is in Lahore.
01:31:22 - And furthermore... - We have 10 more showrooms.
01:31:25 What are your future plans?
01:31:26 You have a bicycle and a scooter.
01:31:29 But what are your plans for vehicles and other things?
01:31:32 People are importing vehicles from abroad.
01:31:35 Some people have announced it as well.
01:31:37 But our next step is to go for a rickshaw.
01:31:42 - It has three wheels. - Oh, very good.
01:31:44 We will make the rickshaw electric as well.
01:31:46 You must have seen that there are cylinders behind the rickshaw.
01:31:48 - Yes. - It is a very dangerous thing.
01:31:52 Secondly, it emits a lot of carbon and makes a lot of noise.
01:31:56 - Yes. - So, we have designed a good R&D on it.
01:31:59 - We have a world-class rickshaw. - Very good.
01:32:01 In the future, we will bring a loader in which people load their luggage.
01:32:07 - Yes. - So, our next plan is this.
01:32:10 But we don't have a car for this company yet.
01:32:13 But maybe after two or three years, we can go into that.
01:32:17 - Okay. - Yes.
01:32:18 Thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your information with us.
01:32:23 This was our show for today.
01:32:25 We had a lot of information.
01:32:27 We hope you enjoyed this morning.
01:32:30 We will meet again tomorrow.
01:32:31 Remember us in your prayers.
01:32:32 Good morning, Pakistan.
01:32:33 And goodbye.
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01:32:38 (upbeat music)