Is This What It's Like To Be A Man In 2023-
Is This What It's Like To Be A Man In 2023-
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00:00 But one of my favorite youtubers ever again, he does amazing on the street journalism and on the street videos
00:05 He turns it into amazing video essays. He just did a video on modern society possibly hurting masculinity
00:11 We're gonna watch that today. He does an excellent job
00:13 But before we get into it make sure that you like this video subscribe to this channel if you have not already and ring that
00:17 Notification bell so that you never miss a comment section or off the clock episode today
00:20 I'm out here and the question that I'll be asking is is masculinity toxic. Yes. They never express like their feelings
00:27 It's something that you learn from society. There's a lot of pressure put on like men the pressures
00:32 Society put on what masculinity is that actually might be the first time that I've ever heard that
00:38 So I'm excited to get into that more because these are when we're saying
00:40 Men act this way because of the pressures put on them versus they built this society. They created the patriarchy
00:48 It's like maybe they're taking some responsibility. That could be interesting. We don't allow people to kind of define that for themselves
00:53 Oh, I need to be a strong and masculine man because I want people looking at me and get women and whatever
00:59 I think that's toxic masculinity the classical role of men is not like sustainable today
01:04 It's not sustainable today. Maybe we are struggling because men are not playing that traditional role
01:10 Have you ever thought about that like in what way is a traditionally masculine man?
01:14 Not sustainable in our modern society
01:17 Maybe you just have some completely backwards view of what men act like and what masculinity truly is
01:22 But it fits in perfectly
01:24 It's the yin-yang situation more women that prioritize careers over like family not being the breadwinner in certain
01:30 Like cases can be like makes some men self-conscious like feel like they're not they do not belong as much
01:34 I think you can be masculine just by being yourself
01:37 Yes, that is true
01:37 But I think that that just shows that a lot of this is natural like men
01:40 Naturally lean into being the provider and being the protector
01:43 That is the role that they want to play and if they are then turned on as they know you can't do that
01:47 No, I'm gonna make more money than you. I'm the girl boss
01:50 Obviously that's going to be very confusing and they're getting a lot of conflicting information
01:53 From one side saying be very masculine another side saying no
01:57 I don't care inside of them saying I'm supposed to be protecting and leading obviously, they're going to be very confused
02:02 It's like today we can't seem to get along and it's like men are demonized
02:06 What do you think it means to be a man today in 2023 though in 2023?
02:10 You don't even need to look anything like a man to be a man so that it is is it all about looks?
02:14 Is that just because I don't think that masculinity is about how you look and how much you bench press or anything like that
02:21 The more masculine man will probably care more about his health and his fitness
02:29 But it's not the most jacked beefiest Chad looking guy and boiling it down to that. I think it does a disservice to what true
02:36 Traditional masculinity really is or maybe we could pretend that this guy is based and he was saying, you know
02:41 A man doesn't have to look like a man anymore. And he's just saying that you know in this society women can become men
02:45 Maybe is I don't know but we could play devil's advocate there
02:48 Anyway, a lot of people that are like transition from like being female to male have seen that they are treated completely differently
02:55 I don't get cut off as often people actually care about what I say. I'm guessing that that girl is like my age
03:00 Did she live in a time as an adult?
03:04 Where men didn't care about what she had to say and where she was treated unfairly
03:08 Or is she just thinking that she would have been treated unfairly?
03:12 Because Millennials told her that because they made up this lie in their head that they were, you know discriminated against 200 years ago
03:17 Women had fewer rights, but we've moved past that like we have gained
03:21 Equality under the law this girl who's my age
03:24 You haven't experienced that you were a child learning this from your parents from the books that you were reading
03:28 Like I remember growing up and my mom definitely leaned a little you know into the feminist stuff like wanting to raise an empowered woman
03:35 And then she really scaled that back when she saw how crazy the feminist got especially when it came to you know
03:38 Sexual exploration and empowerment and all that stuff
03:40 But I remember being young and thinking like I could be better than the boys like all this stuff
03:45 It was a very unhealthy way to I think spend a good portion of my childhood
03:49 But I can understand where these people come from because those are the messages that you are fed
03:53 Did you actually experience that on a first-hand level? No, I don't think you did because again, you're probably 21 years old 23 years old
03:59 It's important to note that we see these extremes and this anger on the internet 24/7
04:04 Especially if you are more chronically online like I am and you might meet a person in the real world who has this
04:09 You know fested anger, but most people they actually just want to get along like I'm remembering being in high school
04:14 Being in college and hanging out with all of my guy friends, and you know doing big like fun cozy game nights
04:18 Nobody was talking about this. We didn't care
04:20 We were mainly concerned with how comfortable we were and thanks to Tommy John
04:23 My loungewear for a night in has the perfect blend of comfort and breathability
04:26 And that's what I prefer to focus on not gender relations
04:29 So when you wear Tommy John you were so much more comfortable that you can do everything better
04:32 Comfort is key when you're home
04:34 But that doesn't mean that you have to put on real pants every time you leave the house
04:37 It is comfy enough to use as sleepwear and stylish enough to be seen in during casual evenings out or quick strolls at the coffee
04:42 Shop, and you won't look like you just rolled out of bed. Even if you did
04:45 I remember right after the show started taking off
04:47 I took a trip to Costco and I was 100% in my pajamas and it was one of the first times that anybody ever recognized
04:53 Me in public and I was literally in my pajamas
04:55 I would have not had that situation had I been wearing my Tommy John's which is actually why I wear them now if I'm gonna
05:00 Run errands early in the morning. I will probably be in my Tommy John's so that I actually look put together
05:05 So I don't deal with that embarrassment ever again. If you were that guy who saw me in Costco
05:09 I am so sorry now Tommy John's loungewear has a level of softness that I have never felt before
05:12 They're incredibly soft loungewear is designed to envelop you in a world of pure luxury
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05:26 We can all be cozy together and secretly wearing our pajamas to Costco. Anyway, okay
05:30 Let's get back into the video. Do you think society still values masculinity? I don't understand. Why would we need to value that? Oh
05:36 My god really say the quiet part out loud. I feel like it's not good to be like defining what's good and what's wrong
05:44 It's whatever you're feeling. Everything is nothing. Nothing is everything. There is no men and women no masculine no feminine
05:51 It's just whatever you want
05:53 That's basically our modern society of masculine traits
05:56 And I also have I think I have feminine traits feminine traits that I was thinking about my hair some parts of my face
06:02 Look like that but facial hair and stuff. Those things are like masculine again. It's not just physical behavior
06:07 It's very normal for people to have more traditional
06:12 Masculine traits like if you are a woman
06:14 I am probably a more masculine woman compared to a lot of girls that I know I am
06:18 Trying to be more feminine gonna get a get a get a get a get a girl because I think that that is something that
06:23 I missed in my childhood. I was you know, very much a tomboy
06:26 I think that that's you know side of me that I should lean into more but we are all very unique human beings
06:31 It's not like oh, I can't be masculine because I have some more, you know feminine
06:34 No, you are a human being with a wide range of human emotions and experiences
06:40 You have a unique personality and that's totally fine
06:43 That doesn't mean that you can't be masculine or that you need to turn your nose up at masculinity or femininity or those kinds of you
06:49 Know binaries now
06:50 I wanted to ask an expert to see if he knew the answer
06:53 You mentioned that both the left and the right are approaching masculinity incorrectly
06:57 Why do you think this gap exists where only the extreme definitions of masculinity is currently being presented?
07:02 It's one symptom of a broader problem. Thanks for the Amanda Tate. That's gonna get me some pushback
07:06 I don't really care
07:07 The right are saying you should be more like your dad and the left is saying you should be more like your sister and in
07:13 The middle are most of us and trying to figure out how to be guys in a world this chain
07:19 I don't even think that it's you should be more like your dad
07:21 I think that that is an oversimplification to be honest for people my age
07:24 I think their fathers were already dealing with some of this because the sexual revolution had already happened
07:30 I honestly think that most of them are looking at like the red pill alpha dudes
07:33 That are on Twitter and Instagram and tick-tock and all that stuff
07:37 Like I I think that that's more of what they're looking at and you guys are my feelings about that
07:40 I think that that is you know a caricature of masculinity
07:44 I don't think that that is actually what being a masculine man is like I would push back on that point
07:47 But I do agree that there are many many extremes and that there are a lot of men in the middle who just don't know
07:52 Who to turn to who to look up to I absolutely agree that there is a lack of
07:55 Let's say like normal
07:58 Male role models who don't play into any of the stuff that genuinely just want to empower
08:03 Men the Jordan Peterson is one of the biggest Chris Williamson who was on my show recently
08:07 I think that he is an exceptional resource for a lot of men
08:09 But he is right that there are there's a big divide
08:12 How do you think the role of masculinity has evolved over the years?
08:15 I'm Gen Z and I feel like we're a lot more open to talking about our feelings and the guys even but I still think
08:21 We have a long way to go. I think we can stop. I think we talk way too much about our feelings
08:25 I think we have crossed that bridge. Maybe we need to like take a few steps back
08:29 There's a lot of feelings going on to be a functioning adult to be a productive member of society
08:34 You must be able to work through your emotions and not let them control you
08:37 I think we have gotten to a point now where you are spewing your feelings about everything
08:41 Emotion is king it rules and then that controls people and that is not healthy both for men and women
08:46 We should work on that. Do you think that toxic masculinity is a result of biology or culture culture?
08:51 Definitely it all depends on how you're brought up and how for example a guy who's raised like with women will have a different
08:58 Personality to like guys raised with men
09:00 I actually was surprised that she said culture versus biology because I've heard a lot of people just say yeah
09:05 They're just wired this way. You can't change them these awful men. I think that that is actually a very good answer
09:10 As an adult I'm sure with men just like with women how you were raised how your father
09:15 Mentored you and I am sure like with women the way that men are raised in different households with different mentors different parents
09:21 It will contribute to how you interact with the world and how you express your masculinity
09:25 Whatever you want to call it in a recent study of over 4,000 men in Europe
09:29 They found that thinking masculinity is bad for your behavior is
09:32 Worse mental health, but when men are viewed as oppressors
09:36 Is there even any room for empathy for male struggle your definition? It seems like a man who is acting very let's say
09:43 Masculine might be considered toxic masculinity with a opposite be considered toxic femininity the way I said it
09:49 I guess it should be I don't think that that's ever been talked about really those women are the protected class
09:53 We should be talking about toxic femininity though because there is a lot of that
09:57 I think that the word toxic has gotten overblown and we use it for a lot of things
10:02 There are people that are actually
10:04 Toxically masculine like I don't even want to use that word
10:07 There are men who are aggressive that are bad men. We can say that they're toxic women toxic men
10:11 There are toxic people in the world. I do not think that we need to boil down both genders into that
10:16 There is bad behavior on both sides
10:17 Which is the main point and not being able to talk about one while constantly shining a light and you know nitpicking
10:23 Through the other that is the problem. I think we've mostly focused on men and like patriarchy
10:29 I've never heard about toxic femininity. I think in general in society
10:33 We're more accustomed to hearing about toxic masculinity rather than toxic femininity. So why is that? Is that a problem?
10:40 You're like very confidently admitting that yes, we talk more about the patriarchy
10:44 But maybe turn the mirror on yourself and see if you need to talk about your own behavior
10:48 Word that men would use for toxic masculinity is historical crazy so that maybe that's why I wouldn't hear about that women
10:54 Maybe that's why you never heard that so that's not okay
10:58 She's obviously not pleased with being called a crazy bitch or whatever
11:01 She said but it's okay for her to stand
11:03 At a man on the street video and rip into men and say that masculinity is toxic. That's a double standard
11:08 Everybody's kind of toxic in their own way
11:10 We don't go through life the same way that men do guys can just walk out at night and be like I can go on
11:16 The stroller at midnight. I can't do that women in general are seen as like me the most toxic femininity
11:21 I would say is among girls. I'd say like girls are more judgmental toward girls. That's very true
11:27 That is very true girl toxicity girl jealousy. It is very very real
11:32 Like that line from Barbie, let's bring it back to Barbie there was that was like
11:39 girls hate girls and
11:41 It was like and then guys hate girls. That's the one thing you can agree on
11:44 I don't agree that men just hate women
11:47 I think actually more women hate men these days
11:49 But she did hit the nail on the head with girls hate a lot of girls at a school assembly in Broward College in Australia
11:54 all male students were told to stand up and apologize on behalf of their gender for collective ills such as
12:00 Well salt and although the justification was in response to growing concern about treatment of girls at the school
12:05 Girls were left feeling exposed and upset while boys were made to feel guilty for being men
12:11 It does not help either side hitting us against each other does nobody good
12:14 It only furthers the divide in an era where we're encouraging boys and men to be more open
12:19 It becomes challenging for them to actually do so when they're still receiving
12:23 Messages that their feelings and perspectives aren't really that value
12:26 I mean, this is a perfect example that he brought up these women are talking about how you know
12:30 Masculinity is so toxic and men need to be more open with their feelings
12:33 I know yeah men could do you know a lot more work on that
12:34 But then you have these school boys who have been forced to apologize on behalf of their gender for something that they never did
12:39 They're saying they're upset for the school didn't give a shit about that. They don't care. It's like no, that's your gender
12:44 That's your fault. Actually, you're upholding the page like you just said you wanted them to be open
12:48 You're once again confusing them because you're saying no actually
12:51 We don't want you to talk about that because it goes against what we believe about you and about the patriarchy
12:54 No wonder they're confused and if expressing even slight sensitivity about the male experience is viewed as
13:00 Invalidating the female experience. How can we ever expect to establish healthy communication?
13:06 I don't agree with first wave nor second wave feminism
13:09 But I do think that their work has done a lot for women nowadays that was like actual feminism first and second wave feminism
13:17 Was legitimately feminism that is the definition of feminism what we have now absolutely not. Well, you could not agree with that
13:22 They got you the right to vote whereas like male issues
13:24 We've only seen like a rise in this like concern over the last couple of years
13:28 Maybe because you made it up yourself maybe because things were so good people got a little bored and wanted to create some problems
13:35 Then there needs to be maybe more of a men's movement
13:38 What if that's what it's gonna take maybe this whole like women's trying to work
13:43 It didn't work for women because they both don't need each other anymore. This chick is based
13:47 You have this kind of weird thing where men can't be emotional and vulnerable women
13:51 You know
13:51 They kind of have to get tough and hardened if they want to pursue that path of careerism and it's like where we at the
13:57 denigration of quotes women's work has been to make it even less likely that men are gonna want to do it and then by
14:03 Extension like if we don't pay teachers very well
14:05 That also makes it harder for men if we want more men to do more women's work, then we'll have to elevate women's work
14:11 So how can more men adapt and create a new future moving forward right now?
14:16 We're just leaving too much talent and energy on the floor because we're losing so many of our men more women
14:23 I think I've got more of the work
14:24 They have to do the men's work of earning the money and the women's work of raising the kids
14:28 So the mere presence of there being other engaged dads around the community is good for everybody. That's one thing
14:34 That I don't understand with feminists
14:36 You wanted to work so badly and then you're going to come home and you're gonna do more housework
14:40 Obviously you could argue like the man should be doing that the man's just not gonna work
14:43 But again, like you really want that you would rather
14:46 Be working 80 hours a week come home. Not see it's just I don't know. Maybe that's just a personal
14:53 Confusion of I think I don't understand why I would choose to be sitting in a cubicle or even a corner office
14:59 versus being with the children that I
15:01 Literally birthed and nursed. I just don't I don't know not a mom yet, but I doubt that will change
15:07 We need to start loving men more in order to allow them to grow. That's shocking to hear that
15:13 That is actually that's it. I can totally agree with this girl
15:15 I have not agreed with a lot of the things that she has said but that is a very important take what feminists and men's
15:20 Rights often overlook is that each gender's actions always influences the other
15:24 Understanding this interplay is crucial and fostering a better approach. It's a promote change
15:29 We must let go of this notion of masculinity as inherently toxic because it's only by doing so that we can appreciate the good of
15:37 masculinity and encourage the next generation of men to learn from past mistakes because even in the hypothetical scenario of Barbie land that started with an
15:44 authoritarian matriarchy followed by angry Ken dolls overthrowing it to create an extreme patriarchy in response both instances
15:50 Demonstrated that the extremes can only hurt the other gen. He gets it. He understood Barbie the way that I saw it. That is awesome
15:57 I love that
15:59 His videos always end on a very positive and empowering note and I think that that's why I like them so
16:06 So much because it's never doomsday. It's always like there is something that you can do
16:12 There is common ground that you can find he has so much empathy with his street interviews
16:16 It's just so great. You're not subscribed to him yet. Please do that. The word toxic masculinity has hurt masculinity in itself
16:21 Yeah
16:22 The phrase toxic masculinity has probably been more toxic for masculinity in society than any of the quote-unquote
16:28 Toxically masculine behavior so many comments that and said there was nothing wrong with masculinity and I think they meant to say take but you
16:34 Can't take misandry and extremes seriously somebody else that society is currently going towards a downward spiral
16:39 I believe both sides should come together and agree on something somewhat equal and I think that that goes for political sides
16:45 But also the genders we just everything is so divided
16:48 Racially were divided in terms of sex. We are divided politically. We are so divided
16:53 It's very difficult to make change happen. Somebody said toxic feminism has surpassed toxic masculinity. I
16:57 Would have to agree if I wanted to use those terms
17:01 Another person said the fact that women seem to think that dudes can just wander around late at night completely
17:05 I'm concerned. It's hilarious to me. That is actually an excellent point. I have not covered this yet because
17:09 Yes, I think that
17:12 Historically women have probably been more concerned about walking alone at night and being unprotected
17:16 If you live in a state or a country where you can have a pew-pew you should have that and you should be you know
17:21 Protecting yourself. There is no reason why you should not be but like have you guys seen the serial killers that are going after men?
17:25 It is insane. It's wild like in the numbers are skyrocketing
17:30 Especially in big cities. So yeah, no men are not just walking around unscathed somebody else said people got to understand
17:35 There is not toxic this toxic that there's internet people and then there are real people like go outside and your whole perspective will change
17:41 Yes, they're real people and also there are good and bad people. We do not need to be generalizing the entire
17:46 Gender we can criticize
17:49 movements and ideologies
17:50 But we shouldn't just label people on a whole because of something that they literally cannot control another great video from him. I love it
17:57 I hope you guys did too
17:59 You
18:01 Thank you for watching the comment section if you want to see more videos just like this make sure to subscribe to this channel turn on
18:06 Your notifications like this video and of course if you want even more content
18:10 You can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at I'm Brett Cooper. See you next time
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