We're Meeting Our Biological Dad For The First Time | MY EXTRAORDINARY FAMILY
When Carlie McMaster, 28, from Ontario, Canada took a DNA test, it was to find out some more about her medical history. But when Rylee Hall, 26, from Minnesota, USA, got in touch after also taking a test, the women found out they were in fact…sisters. It transpired that both Carlie and Rylee were conceived by sperm donation. After messaging back and forth, the sisters finally got to meet in person last year. They decided to start a podcast called ‘Our Daddy’s A Donor’ to create a space for donor-conceived stories. Rylee said: “Going forward I really hope we can hang out more and keep our relationship going strong like it is.” After a lot of research, Carlie and Rylee found their biological father and today, they’re going to meet him for the first time... How will they feel?!
Transcript
00:00 We found out we were sisters in our 20s.
00:02 After we took DNA tests,
00:05 I knew I was a sperm donor baby.
00:07 I didn't know that I was a sperm donor baby,
00:11 so it was a bit of a shock.
00:13 We're meeting our biological dad for the first time.
00:17 We're 10 minutes away from meeting Grant.
00:22 How are you feeling?
00:24 Freaking out.
00:25 You're freaking out a little bit.
00:26 [Gasps]
00:28 I'm 26 years old and I live in Gilbert, Minnesota.
00:36 I'm 28 years old and I live in Brantford, Ontario.
00:39 You ready?
00:43 Yeah.
00:43 Okay.
00:44 Hi guys.
00:45 My name's Carly.
00:46 My name's Riley.
00:47 And this is Our Daddies A Donor.
00:49 We started a podcast to create a space for
00:51 Adore & Conceive stories.
00:52 Today on our episode, we will be going through
00:55 our ancestry DNA.
00:57 I knew I was a sperm donor baby.
00:59 My mom had told me a little before I did the
01:01 ancestry DNA test.
01:03 I grew up with no siblings, so I was hoping to
01:05 find that sibling connection through ancestry DNA.
01:09 I got my results back and then right away
01:13 contacted Carly through the app.
01:15 I didn't know that I was a sperm donor baby,
01:17 so it was a bit of a shock.
01:19 Sweden and Denmark, Wales, Baltics, France, England,
01:23 and Northwest.
01:24 And I'm 1% Jewish.
01:26 Me too.
01:27 I got a DNA test because my dad had passed away
01:29 in 2015.
01:30 He had a heart attack, so I was just like,
01:31 "Oh, I want to see if there's anything else that
01:33 like health issues-wise that I might not know."
01:36 Finally did it and that's how it happened.
01:39 26% of our overall DNA is related.
01:42 So it couldn't be cousins because cousins
01:44 don't share that much.
01:45 I first thought my dad had got around,
01:48 to be honest.
01:49 So I thought maybe like he had somehow gone to
01:52 the States and like maybe had a baby.
01:55 And then when she said she was a sperm donor baby,
01:57 I think I just got more confused because I didn't
01:59 even think to question that I might be one.
02:01 Hi.
02:02 Hi, how are you?
02:03 Good, how are you?
02:04 About eight or nine months after Riley and I
02:07 started talking, my mom came and visited me in Calgary.
02:09 Hi, how are you?
02:10 Good, how are you?
02:11 Good.
02:12 Good to see you.
02:13 You too.
02:14 She's like, "I need to tell you something.
02:16 Your dad isn't your dad."
02:18 Hi, Riley.
02:21 How are you?
02:22 Good, how are you?
02:23 I'm good.
02:24 Okay, cool.
02:25 This is sweet.
02:27 This is the first time we've all been together.
02:28 It would be better if we were in person,
02:30 but it's nice to finally talk to somebody that
02:34 has gone through the same thing with the donor
02:38 and maybe secrets, starting already,
02:42 secrets that we kept for reasons,
02:45 whether it was to protect them or back then
02:48 how hard it was.
02:50 Sorry, Linda.
02:51 That's okay.
02:53 It was a secret kept for many years,
02:56 not thinking that she maybe needed to know
02:59 until she found out otherwise.
03:02 Mom, why did you decide to tell me?
03:05 Well, I always wanted to tell you,
03:08 but it's like kind of you wait for the right moment,
03:11 and when you're little, you wouldn't have quite understood.
03:15 A lot of people knew it wasn't a secret,
03:18 but I just didn't want you to be angry,
03:21 or I wanted you to understand.
03:23 Yeah.
03:24 Did you think that this would happen when you did it?
03:28 Like, were you ever going to tell me if this had happened?
03:31 No, because it was something that your dad and I,
03:35 you were his little girl,
03:37 and I, of course, always will be his little girl,
03:40 but I think it was because we signed off at the doctor's office.
03:45 You're signing now to not give them any information.
03:48 This goes with you to the grave.
03:50 It was just a lot for me.
03:53 My dad passed away in 2015,
03:55 so I couldn't really talk to him about it.
03:57 So it was just like you have a lot to figure out,
04:00 and I think questioning your identity a bit,
04:02 but knowing we kind of had a bit of an answer
04:05 was really exciting,
04:06 because we kind of knew where to move forward from there.
04:08 I'm really happy that Riley sounds curly, because...
04:12 Well, me too. They're just identical.
04:15 They are. They are.
04:16 It's amazing.
04:18 And I think with finding their biological father,
04:22 that's just more of an extension of themselves.
04:25 Today we're driving up to go meet him
04:27 for the very first time in person,
04:29 after our multiple phone calls that we've had with him.
04:31 We knew our donor wanted to be found,
04:34 because when my parents did it, they got a bunch of papers,
04:37 and one of the questions was, "Would you be open to meeting?"
04:40 It was a yes or no question. He circled yes.
04:43 So then I did another DNA service
04:45 to see if we could find him over there,
04:47 and we kind of pieced together family members over there,
04:50 and then we ended up finding him on that platform.
04:53 We did more Facebook stalking.
04:55 His Facebook last name is Condensed,
04:57 so we didn't know for sure if it was him.
04:59 But then, yeah, he added you back and messaged you.
05:01 So then we set up a phone call with him.
05:03 Ended up going for like two hours.
05:05 We're 10 minutes away from meeting Grant.
05:07 How are you feeling?
05:08 Freaking out. Freaking out a little bit.
05:10 We're kind of scared. Not scared. Nervous.
05:13 [laughs]
05:17 You said it's nerve-wracking. What do you mean?
05:20 I don't know. Just, like, seeing him in person for the first time.
05:23 The last two years, we didn't think this was going to happen.
05:26 It's just, like, a lot of buildup to get to where we are right now.
05:30 Ooh!
05:32 Hi!
05:34 [laughs]
05:36 Hello.
05:38 Oh, this is weird.
05:40 How are you?
05:42 I like your suspenders.
05:46 It's a Thanksgiving thing.
05:48 This is not how I thought you would dress, to be honest.
05:50 I thought you were just going to be, like, T-shirt and shorts.
05:52 I didn't expect the suspenders.
05:54 But I like it. I like suspenders. They're nice.
05:56 I was a platelet donor.
06:00 One day when I was going to the platelet donations,
06:02 there was a fertility ad in the elevator.
06:05 And they basically said that the donations that we take from our donors
06:09 are for people that are having challenges making children, having a family.
06:13 So I thought, you know, that was a good cause.
06:16 When you guys were driving up, I was feeling a little anxious.
06:19 You were the first people, daughters, that I've met like this.
06:24 I was a donor for about three years.
06:26 I was always curious, you know, what did they look like?
06:29 What were their habits? You know, that kind of thing.
06:31 So I look at your hair, and I see my cousin's hair,
06:34 and I see my cousin's eyes and your face.
06:36 This part of our nose is the same, and our nostrils are the same.
06:39 And then I think we have the same eye shape.
06:41 I think our face looks the same.
06:44 I feel like we have the same face shape.
06:46 Yeah, seeing it from pictures.
06:47 We also have the same forehead.
06:49 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:50 We're all high on the line.
06:53 Wow.
06:54 People would have questions and stuff.
06:59 It's never anything really bad.
07:01 When you get put in today's media space, that's a different landscape.
07:05 I definitely think there's misconception.
07:08 There's a lot of, like, older generation that think it's unnatural to have a sperm donor.
07:14 And they're thinking of more of the aftermath instead of, like,
07:17 this was two people that loved each other very much and wanted to have a kid together,
07:20 and this is the way they did it.
07:22 We're still people.
07:23 We're not just, like, weird robots made in a factory or something, you know.
07:28 If you guys want to come up or you want to bring your boyfriend up for some time,
07:31 you guys can come back.
07:33 Well, we're going to come back.
07:35 Yeah.
07:36 Never see you again.
07:37 Yeah.
07:38 Bye.
07:39 My mom even has already texted him and been like,
07:41 "It's so nice to be able to thank the person that"--
07:43 Oh, I'm getting a little emotional.
07:45 It's just for my mom.
07:46 "It's so, like, nice to thank the person that, like, gave me my daughter."
07:50 Oh, no, I'm crying.
07:51 Oh, no, don't cry.
07:52 Oh, my God, I didn't think I was going to.
07:54 Even though we do have parents that brought us up,
07:56 without him, like, helping our parents kind of start the family,
07:59 we really wouldn't be here and gone this far.
08:02 I just want to be able to support the girls in kind of what they're doing.
08:05 Do you feel like a father figure?
08:08 Like, do you see them kind of as your kids?
08:10 I don't--no, I think, you know, we have a genetic connection.
08:14 That's something that we just kind of understand and exist between us.
08:18 The parenting roles that the mom and dads that raise them, you know,
08:23 I'm not here to replace any of that.
08:25 Maybe just to continue and see where things go.
08:28 That's all.
08:29 It'll definitely be fun to grow up and be able to go to each other's weddings,
08:32 and, like, if either of us have kids, like,
08:34 they can go visit out in another country.
08:36 We definitely want to find other siblings, but at the end of the day,
08:41 we'll never know how many siblings there are.
08:42 If not all of them do DNA testing, we're just not going to find them, right?
08:46 Going forward, I really hope that we can hang out more
08:49 and we can just keep our relationship going strong like it is.
08:52 Yeah, and continuing a relationship with our donor dad for sure,
08:56 and just kind of continuing communication and seeing what happens.
08:59 [laughs]
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