Contestant Sean Edwards chats with EW about his time on 'Survivor 45'.
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00:00 (soft music)
00:02 - Sean, we have a lot to talk about, obviously.
00:07 Let's start here.
00:08 When did it start hitting you
00:10 that you wanted to quit the game?
00:11 'Cause unlike Hannah, it seemed from our perspective,
00:14 it seemed to happen pretty suddenly,
00:16 but maybe that was or wasn't the case.
00:18 Tell us.
00:18 - Yeah, Dalton, thank you for asking that question.
00:20 You know, I had moments that kind of surfaced for me,
00:24 just little bits here and there that were like,
00:26 "Wow, this is a great experience.
00:29 I'm loving being out here."
00:31 Because my whole goal in going on "Survivor,"
00:34 and I've been honest about this the whole time,
00:36 you know, with production and everyone,
00:38 was that it was this idea of reclaiming lost time.
00:42 And there were bits of, you know,
00:44 that surfaced for me throughout the game of like,
00:46 "Well, is this really helping me to rewrite my past?"
00:50 But every time I felt that throughout the game,
00:52 I'd kind of like push it down,
00:54 know like I'm here for a reason,
00:56 you know, push forward, push through,
00:58 and then literally, like,
01:00 as I was walking into tribal council,
01:03 it was like this inspirational revelation to me
01:07 that was like, "Sean, you don't need to erase your past.
01:12 You need to learn how to embrace it."
01:15 And for me, that was so impactful.
01:20 And I was still like in the moment at tribal,
01:23 you could see me, I'm like, I'm still pushing that down.
01:25 I'm like, I'm here to play, like,
01:26 "Sifu, I'll be your pizza, you know,
01:28 whatever you want me to be, I'm here for it."
01:31 And when Jeff asked that question of like,
01:33 "What has this survivor experience meant for you?"
01:36 For whatever reason, that question just like
01:39 immediately triggered in me this like automatic response.
01:42 It was like word vomit, honestly.
01:44 I like didn't know what I was saying in the moment.
01:46 It was just coming out very authentically and genuine.
01:49 And that's when it just all kind of came to a head.
01:53 - It's interesting, 'cause I don't know
01:54 if you've had a chance to listen to Jeff's podcast yet,
01:57 but he says that he felt it turned on that question also.
02:00 He felt that you didn't, as he puts it,
02:02 own the real reasons you're quitting.
02:04 He said you romanticized it by saying
02:05 it was about wanting to be with your husband.
02:07 He thinks other factors were at play.
02:09 What do you make of that assessment?
02:10 - Yeah, you know, I certainly, you know,
02:13 respect Jeff's thoughts on the situation
02:16 and how he was reading into it.
02:18 You know, I think also about, you know,
02:19 the fans out there and all of their opinions and thoughts.
02:23 I have no expectation that anyone can understand
02:28 why I did what I did,
02:30 because my decision was extremely personal.
02:33 No one has lived a day in the life of Sean.
02:37 And so I don't expect other people to understand it.
02:40 Again, for me, it was about this realization that,
02:44 you know, I came on "Survivor" for this purpose,
02:47 reclaiming lost time,
02:48 which admittedly was an unfair expectation
02:52 to put on Jeff, to put on the "Survivor" crew,
02:55 because that is a very tall order to say,
02:58 "Hey, 'Survivor,' like, rewrite my life."
03:01 It's an impossible ask.
03:02 And, but that was the mentality I had.
03:05 That's what I was going into the game with.
03:07 And so for me, when I realized like,
03:09 "Oh, this is not that,"
03:11 "Survivor" in that moment had fulfilled
03:14 the measure of its creation for me.
03:16 And I was at peace with that.
03:18 And so again, like, it really was that question
03:21 that Jeff asked that really was the hinge point for me.
03:25 But I would say my reasons were just different
03:29 than maybe what others perceive, and that's okay.
03:33 - It's interesting, Sean,
03:34 you talk about how it all just was flooding out of you,
03:36 and you almost didn't even know
03:37 what you were saying in the moment.
03:40 'Cause one of the things you were saying is,
03:41 "I just wanna go spend time with my husband
03:42 "rather than sort of stay in the game."
03:44 Of course, you and I know that you don't get to go home
03:46 when your torch gets snuffed.
03:47 Instead, you go to Ponderosa and you have to be there.
03:50 So how did that factor into sort of your thinking?
03:52 - The idea that I would leave the game
03:55 and immediately see my husband,
03:57 I think is something that people are like,
03:59 "Doesn't he know, like he goes to Ponderosa?"
04:01 And of course I knew that.
04:03 Like I said, it wasn't like this homesickness feeling.
04:07 It wasn't like, "Oh, I miss my husband, I wanna see him,"
04:10 so I'm leaving the game.
04:11 That wasn't it at all.
04:13 It was that "Survivor" had fulfilled its purpose for me.
04:17 And I realized that what I expected to get out of "Survivor,"
04:21 my whole intention of going,
04:22 was not something that was a reasonable ask.
04:25 And so again, like I felt very at peace
04:29 with my decision in that moment.
04:30 I will say there definitely is,
04:33 as I've been able to process this experience,
04:35 come back from it, it's been months since it's been filmed,
04:38 I'll be honest with myself and with everyone else
04:40 that there definitely is a intense feeling of regret
04:45 about my decision.
04:46 And it's okay to have regrets.
04:48 I mean, I wish I could have been more flexibly minded
04:51 in that moment to be able to say like,
04:53 "Hey, you know, 'Survivor,' like it's been a great experience.
04:57 It's not really fulfilling
04:58 what I initially came out here for,
05:00 but now as a player of the game who loves this game,
05:04 now I can turn up and play the game
05:08 instead of asking for this adventure of a lifetime, right?"
05:12 I wish I could have been more in that space.
05:15 I just wasn't.
05:17 And, you know, I have to find a way
05:18 to come to terms with that.
05:20 - Clearly, and you've said it here,
05:21 it was a very emotional decision.
05:23 And we all know, all of us,
05:25 we sometimes make emotional decisions
05:27 and then later look back and then second guess it.
05:29 And so I appreciate you being open
05:31 and saying that you've had that experience.
05:34 So what has it been like for the past six months,
05:36 sort of knowing this was coming,
05:39 knowing this is gonna air
05:40 and then watching it back last night?
05:42 - I am just so glad that the episode has finally aired.
05:47 It's finally out there
05:48 because the past few months have been,
05:51 it's been hard because, you know,
05:53 I wanna hype up the show.
05:54 I'm still a super fan of the show.
05:57 I love the show.
05:57 I love Jeff.
05:58 I love Survivor.
05:59 I mean, everything about the experience
06:03 was just absolutely magical.
06:04 Best nine days of my life, like seriously, loved it.
06:07 I've been through the past few months,
06:09 just so excited for the show.
06:10 You know, I just want it to air.
06:12 I want people to see my story.
06:14 I just want it to be out there
06:15 while also feeling that just within me, you know,
06:19 that tinge of like, oh, what's the reaction gonna be?
06:23 What are people gonna say?
06:24 What's it gonna be like when it airs?
06:26 'Cause you just don't know what the edit's gonna look like.
06:28 And so there has been a lot of anticipation around it.
06:31 And now that it's finally out, I'm like, okay,
06:33 that's like a weight off my shoulders.
06:35 - Was it hard to watch last night?
06:37 You said you didn't know how it was gonna look
06:38 or come off on screen.
06:40 You're relieved now that it's over.
06:41 How was it during that hour
06:43 of television viewing last night?
06:45 - It was intense.
06:45 I was definitely, you know, Matt and I, my husband,
06:48 we were watching with like a bated breath,
06:50 like what is gonna be shown?
06:51 What's gonna happen?
06:52 But I was actually, I was really comforted
06:55 in knowing that this whole season,
06:58 the editors of the show and Jeff,
07:00 they've put together such a beautiful story
07:04 that I really feel like has captured the authenticity
07:06 of the show in the moment that it was happening.
07:09 And so I really felt confident
07:11 that the same would happen for my story as well.
07:15 - Yeah, you went through a lot out there.
07:16 I mean, your tribe lost every single immunity challenge
07:19 and the marooning challenge.
07:20 There's a lot of drama on Lulu.
07:22 You got blindsided by the Subbiah vote.
07:24 And then maybe you're on the bottom again
07:26 when the tribe swap.
07:27 Had you had like an easier
07:29 or less terrible survivor experience
07:33 and been on Bello or Reba at the beginning,
07:35 do you think you're still asking to be voted out
07:37 or are you maybe just getting excited
07:39 and counting down the days to the merge?
07:40 - Great question, Dalton.
07:41 I have thought about that as well.
07:43 Like was what my decision informed
07:46 by my survivor experience.
07:49 And I definitely did not have the survivor experience
07:53 I imagined I would.
07:55 Loved it nonetheless.
07:56 But as I reflect back,
07:58 I actually do think that my decision
08:01 would have been different had I possibly been
08:03 on a different tribe with more winning potential
08:06 and earnings.
08:07 Because for me, it was in those moments of failure
08:11 where I sat in my failure and reflected on,
08:16 just how did I get here?
08:17 What led me to this point?
08:19 Why am I here?
08:21 And it just like that thinking and that reflection,
08:24 I think were during those times
08:27 where like those moments for me bubbled up of like,
08:30 oh, like, is this fulfilling my need,
08:32 my core of why I'm here
08:34 that I would eventually like push down.
08:36 So it was those moments of failure
08:38 that I think brought those things to my mind.
08:41 - Let's get into the little like,
08:41 sort of like logistics and questions
08:43 and play a little almost game of what if in a sense.
08:45 When Hannah quit, she basically told you in Lulu tribe,
08:48 she would essentially walk out if you all had kept her.
08:51 What would you have done if they had followed Dee's lead
08:55 and kept you and voted Sifu out at that tribal?
08:57 What would your move have been?
08:59 - I do respect the show in that like,
09:01 I feel like tribal council is the formal way
09:04 to be voted out.
09:05 Honestly, like if Sifu was the vote out,
09:08 we go back to camp.
09:09 I have a moment with the Reba girls
09:11 and I would have stayed until I received a vote out
09:14 at tribal council.
09:16 I also believe that if I wasn't voted out
09:19 and went back with the girls that,
09:21 that's just more time for me to consider like,
09:23 my decision and was that the right thing?
09:26 And I think like with time,
09:28 I would have maybe come to this place of like,
09:31 you know what?
09:32 No, like I wanna play this game.
09:34 I love this game.
09:34 I'm here to play.
09:35 And so again, that moment of tribal council
09:38 just really completely got me
09:40 and I ended up getting myself, if that makes sense.
09:43 - It totally makes sense.
09:44 What did you think was gonna happen at that tribal?
09:46 Jeff in his podcast said he thought maybe
09:48 when he asked you that question
09:49 that then you took that as a cue, like, oh, it's me.
09:51 Did you feel like it was going to be you voted out
09:54 or did you think it was gonna be Sifu?
09:55 - I did not think it was gonna be me.
09:57 I absolutely did not think it was going to me.
09:59 I thought it was gonna be Sifu the whole time.
10:01 I had many conversations with Dee, Julie and Jay
10:05 about the vote and I felt very reassured,
10:10 very confident that Sifu was going to be the vote that night.
10:15 - When Hannah asked if he voted out,
10:16 probes kind of just verbally checked in with everyone
10:18 and you guys didn't vote.
10:20 Why did that not happen here?
10:21 Or did he do a verbal check-in
10:22 and that didn't make the episode?
10:24 Or why do you think this situation was different?
10:25 Or maybe it wasn't.
10:26 - I think the situation was different
10:28 because Hannah, you know, I love Hannah.
10:31 She, throughout the first three days
10:35 was talking about very openly at camp.
10:38 Like, I don't know if this is for me, I wanna go home.
10:42 So she had been talking about it.
10:43 For me, I had had some thoughts throughout the game,
10:47 but I never expressed those thoughts.
10:51 So the very first time that any of my tribe members
10:54 that Jeff production was hearing me talk about
10:58 even leaving was in that moment at tribal council.
11:01 And so I think it was very wise of Jeff to put it to a vote
11:05 because there was no like, you know,
11:09 preconceived idea that I would ever leave the game.
11:11 I think that's why we went to the vote,
11:13 which I think was appropriate.
11:14 - Anything else, Sean, that happened out there
11:16 that didn't make it to TV that you wish we had a chance
11:18 to see, even at 90 minutes,
11:19 they have to cut like 99% of the show out
11:23 because there's just not enough time.
11:24 Was there anything that we didn't get to see
11:26 about your journey that you wish we had a chance to check out?
11:29 - Just the amazing connections with the people on my tribe.
11:32 Like I really made some authentic, genuine friendships.
11:37 I mean, Dee and I had like so much like great conversation,
11:42 same with Julie and Jay,
11:44 Sabaya and I obviously were really close,
11:47 but we had moments that were like really fun between us
11:50 that weren't shown.
11:52 Caleb, Emily, I mean, Hannah, Brandon, all of them.
11:54 So I wish more of like my connection
11:58 with my amazing tribe members could have been shown.
12:00 (whooshing)
12:03 [BLANK_AUDIO]