ryan reynolds effortlessly hilarious interview clips
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 - And you, decent guy?
00:01 - No, no, no, no, no.
00:02 (audience laughing)
00:03 - Terrible, terrible human being.
00:04 - How old are your girls now?
00:06 - I have no idea.
00:07 - Yeah. (audience laughing)
00:08 - Is Ryan Reynolds missing a tooth?
00:10 What are you?
00:11 No, these are all my teeth.
00:12 What the hell's going on here?
00:13 - Ryan Reynolds is missing a lot of things.
00:15 - A lot of hair.
00:16 (laughing)
00:18 - Let's get these calf implants out too while we're at it.
00:21 - They were no longer dressed up as Pirates of the Caribbean
00:23 but everybody was dressed up as Deadpool.
00:25 - Ha, suck it, Jack Sparrow.
00:26 (laughing)
00:28 - Yeah, no, nothing.
00:28 There's nothing that counts.
00:29 There's no space in that thing at all.
00:31 When I put it on, I can actually taste my own genitals.
00:33 It's disgusting.
00:34 (audience laughing)
00:35 - Aviation American Gin slogan, take one.
00:38 Aviation American Gin,
00:40 an illusory and fleeting sense of well-being.
00:42 Aviation American Gin slogan, take two.
00:46 Aviation American Gin,
00:48 if you're drinking anything else, you're drinking bullshit.
00:51 Aviation American Gin, it'll get you (beep)
00:55 - Totally.
00:56 - 100%.
00:57 I just fell in love with this blue shirt.
00:58 (laughing)
01:00 No, no, seriously.
01:00 It's made from 100% breathable cotton
01:03 and for the next two minutes, only $19.95.
01:06 - You have fan questions here that I got.
01:11 First one comes from Brian Blenolds
01:14 from Vancouver, British Columbia.
01:16 Ooh, I love-- - Fantastic.
01:17 - I love Latin America.
01:18 - That's amazing.
01:19 - Brian asks, "Hugh, I heard that on X-Men Wolverine,
01:24 "you had specially designed lifts put in your shoes
01:26 "so you would appear taller than one of your co-stars.
01:29 "Is this true or just a silly fact?"
01:32 - It's true.
01:33 I did.
01:34 - Next question.
01:36 - Oh, that is surprisingly lovely.
01:39 - That's fudge.
01:40 (laughing)
01:42 - Okay, this is, I can't, it feels sticky and sad.
01:47 This is my childhood.
01:48 My childhood is in this.
01:49 (laughing)
01:50 Is in the fudge.
01:52 - So we talked to Mark Ruffalo recently
01:54 and he said that he-- - I'm so sorry.
01:55 - I know, he's real hard work, that one.
01:58 - Yeah, I know, right.
01:59 What a diva. - Meanest guy in Hollywood.
02:01 - You know, wait a minute.
02:02 You're making jokes about your baby daughter
02:04 who's six weeks old or something?
02:06 - Oh, she's fair game, Dave.
02:07 (laughing)
02:08 I used to say to her, "I would take a bullet for you.
02:10 "I could never love anything as much as I love you."
02:13 I would say that to my wife
02:14 and then the second I looked in that baby's eyes,
02:16 I knew in that exact moment
02:19 that if we were ever under attack,
02:21 I would use my wife as a human shield
02:23 (laughing)
02:24 to protect that baby.
02:25 - And is she talking?
02:27 - Yeah, she's saying mama.
02:28 She like, yeah.
02:29 (laughing)
02:32 - I'm telling you.
02:33 - You know what though?
02:34 You know what my wife doesn't realize though?
02:36 Is that she calls me mama too.
02:37 (laughing)
02:38 - Ah, seriously.
02:40 That's very interesting.
02:40 - She calls me, I have to literally sit her down
02:43 and tell her that penises don't work that way.
02:45 - Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:46 - You're just like, you know,
02:47 "What do you want for dinner, sweet angel?"
02:50 And she's just like, "I want Cheerios."
02:52 - You're so old, you make dust look like a baby.
02:55 - I'm trying to process that right now.
02:58 (laughing)
02:59 - Ah, oh.
03:01 Okay, wow.
03:03 You smell so bad.
03:04 I can hear it.
03:06 - Aw.
03:08 - But then Blake shows up, uninvited I might add.
03:11 - Oh my goodness, that is unbelievable.
03:13 - I thought she's just been pounding beer.
03:15 And it turns out that she's like six months pregnant
03:19 or something.
03:19 (upbeat music)
03:22 - And you mentioned that now you have three daughters.
03:27 Congratulations.
03:27 - Thank you very much, thank you, thank you.
03:29 - How does that feel?
03:30 How did that change the dynamic in the house?
03:32 - It felt like we added a whole new daughter.
03:34 (laughing)
03:35 - They're into the holidays.
03:36 - So are they excited?
03:37 - They're super, super excited.
03:39 We'll be watching "Frozen 2" another 619 times.
03:42 I have seen "Frozen" with my daughters so, so many times.
03:46 (laughing)
03:48 And people don't know this, a lot of parents don't know this
03:50 if you play "Frozen" backwards,
03:51 it's actually a shot for shot remake of "The Exorcist".
03:54 - Well, yeah, our pediatrician when she met Inez,
03:58 she said, "Oh, this one's shady."
04:00 (laughing)
04:01 And like even the other day when we were traveling back home,
04:04 we were at the airport and out of our whole family,
04:07 she's the only one that got the secondary security pat down.
04:11 - At two years old.
04:12 - At two years old.
04:13 - All right, so what is this shady two year old up to?
04:15 - But she just like, she just like takes it
04:17 like a hardened felon, like she's just like.
04:19 - Search me, what's up?
04:20 (laughing)
04:22 - She's like turning around,
04:24 while like a thin fart escapes.
04:26 You're just like.
04:27 - Are you competitive with your own children?
04:30 - Absolutely.
04:31 - You training them to be ultimate fighting machines?
04:35 - No, I don't need to be competitive because they own me.
04:37 So I don't have any say over anything.
04:40 - Do you make games when parents
04:41 can't really be bothered to play?
04:43 - My favorite game is close your eyes for 12 hours.
04:47 - Now I have read, you have two little girls at home.
04:50 - Yeah.
04:51 - I've read you don't want them to go into show business.
04:52 - No, no, mostly 'cause I'm against child abuse.
04:55 - And then you had another one with Blake recently.
04:57 How old is that child?
04:58 - That happened from sex and we.
05:01 - So you've only had sex the twice?
05:03 - Just the two times, yeah.
05:05 - Yeah.
05:06 - You pull some of these shenanigans online
05:07 when you get home, does she pull your side
05:09 and she's like, hey sweetie, that really wasn't that funny.
05:11 - Well, I actually, I've never met her.
05:13 (laughing)
05:14 We actually only exist as a couple online.
05:17 I'm actually married to a woman named Louise in Denmark.
05:20 We have four kids and it's been amazing.
05:23 - You know, it was a toss up for a minute there.
05:24 Should I like quarantine with my publicly facing family
05:27 or my secret family in Denmark?
05:29 It was a real toss up, you know.
05:32 I miss Luna Lerked and Un very much so.
05:37 - My kids were with us and Blake and I got to show them
05:40 around and really let them immerse themselves
05:42 in that culture a little bit.
05:44 We left them there.
05:45 (laughing)
05:45 - She's pretty good, you know.
05:48 I mean, you know.
05:49 - That's a long flight.
05:49 - I carry a blow dart, so pfft, you know.
05:51 She's like pfft, pfft, pfft.
05:53 You know, and then I just inhale one for myself.
05:56 Thank my wife, Blake, who is sitting right there,
06:00 who is everything to me.
06:02 You are the best thing, the best thing
06:05 that has ever happened to me.
06:07 Second only to this star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
06:10 - Mommy unfollowed daddy on Instagram.
06:13 - My child would just fart and then walk away.
06:16 - Played, played Hannibal King, waiting.
06:18 - Yeah.
06:19 - National Lampoon's Van Wilder.
06:20 - Oh yeah.
06:21 - Green Lantern.
06:22 - Sorry.
06:23 (laughing)
06:24 - You decided to play a song.
06:25 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:26 - What did you play when your wife was in labor?
06:28 - I jammed a little Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On."
06:31 (laughing)
06:32 Yeah.
06:33 - How did that go?
06:34 - It was like, are you (beep) me right now?
06:37 (laughing)
06:38 And then we had our children and that's when I realized
06:41 that I love gin.
06:43 (laughing)
06:45 - How old were you when you started?
06:46 - I was 13 years old.
06:48 - Wow, so your whole life has been about bullshitting people.
06:50 - Yeah.
06:51 - Congratulations.
06:52 - Said the guy who starred in "Goonies."
06:56 You're so bad in "Goonies" that when you come on screen,
07:01 people don't drink.
07:03 They punch themselves in the dick for five straight minutes.
07:05 (laughing)
07:07 - That's you as a child?
07:08 - That is me as a little, I think I'm about
07:09 three years old now.
07:10 - Three years old?
07:11 - Yeah.
07:11 - He says, "This is Ryan Reynolds, three.
07:12 "He's enjoying the water at Kitts Community Center
07:14 "waiting pool.
07:15 "Ryan lives at 2382 Oliver Press."
07:18 (laughing)
07:20 - It's amazing 'cause like, you know,
07:22 the local newspaper was like, "Okay, guys,
07:25 "we have a semi-nude, vulnerable three-year-old boy.
07:28 (laughing)
07:29 "The only thing that's gonna make this better,
07:31 "let's let him know where he lives."
07:33 (laughing)
07:34 - You know, why get someone else to do my voice
07:36 when you can have the genuine article?
07:38 Or as they say in French,
07:40 (speaking in French)
07:43 (audience laughing)