PANSY was in their teens when they started experiencing extreme pain and had to rely on a wheelchair to get around. They were eventually diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and explained to Truly how, "I definitely felt like I was limited just by my ability." Pansy struggled with the isolation that comes with a new disability, revealing, "As I grew older, I realised I was queer. And then I started using a wheelchair. It kind of just all compounded into just feeling different than everyone around me." During this time, Pansy started experimenting with make-up, using it as a way to express themselves. In this episode of Shake My Beauty, we'll hear how Pansy is now a burlesque dancer and get to witness their incredible moves. Speaking about how they choose to make themselves visible as a disabled performer, Pansy said, "People make a lot of assumptions about wheelchair users. Different people exist in the world and we all deserve to be seen and heard and included in society."
Follow Pansy: @pansystbattie
Follow Pansy: @pansystbattie
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FunTranscript
00:00 I'm Pansy and I'm a disabled burlesque performer.
00:03 I actually got diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.
00:06 I definitely felt like I was limited just by my ability,
00:10 just by being sick.
00:11 Burlesque has helped build my confidence
00:13 because performing is something that makes me feel confident.
00:17 Being celebrated by an audience and by fellow performers,
00:21 the more you interact with the world
00:22 in a way that serves you, the more good feedback
00:25 you're going to get and the more confident
00:27 you're going to feel overall.
00:28 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:31 My name is Pansy.
00:33 I am 25 years old.
00:34 I live in Los Angeles, California.
00:37 I am a burlesque performer, a model,
00:40 and an emergency veterinary technician.
00:42 I'm huge on crafting.
00:44 I love embroidery, rhinestoning, costume making.
00:48 I also love doing makeup.
00:50 I just like experiencing the world in different forms.
00:53 I like creativity.
00:54 I like feeling like I am my own kind of art.
00:58 I first started using a wheelchair in my teens.
01:01 Prior to that, I just started developing extreme pain.
01:05 And it, over time, became really painful to walk.
01:07 I was also noticing a series of other issues.
01:10 I lost a lot of weight.
01:11 I couldn't really digest food.
01:12 I would pass out, which I have my whole life,
01:16 but it increased in frequency.
01:18 And as these things started to become more severe,
01:20 I started relying on a wheelchair to get around.
01:22 I actually got diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.
01:26 So I actually had to drop out of school
01:28 because I was getting so many medical appointments
01:30 and kind of in and out of the hospital and stuff.
01:32 So that really changed my life as a teenager.
01:35 I definitely felt like I was limited just by my ability,
01:38 just by being sick.
01:40 I think having time to myself,
01:42 where I really had to find things to do
01:44 within a hospital, brought me towards makeup,
01:47 just because it's something that's so mobile,
01:49 so transportable.
01:50 So I was kind of stuck at home,
01:51 and makeup was something I could do
01:53 in the comfort of my own home to feel good
01:55 without having to actually get up.
01:56 I could do it lying down.
01:57 I could do it from a hospital bed if I needed to.
01:59 I love that makeup gives me a chance to express myself.
02:02 I get to play with colors and different looks.
02:04 And I feel like in some ways embody characters,
02:07 which is something that's really fun for me.
02:09 I feel like makeup did build up my confidence
02:11 just because it was a way to show my personality.
02:15 So when I was a kid, I really wasn't into fashion
02:17 and I hated getting dress aid and shopping.
02:20 I think when I was 16 or 17 is really when I started
02:22 expressing myself with fashion more.
02:24 Again, it was the same time I got sick
02:26 and I really just found that as a way to experience joy
02:31 and create art at home with limited materials
02:34 and without having to be hunched over a desk.
02:38 It's something you can really do from anywhere.
02:40 So that was something that was special to me.
02:41 So these are some pieces I really like,
02:44 and I just really love the flowiness of it.
02:47 I love how it has that vintage vibe,
02:51 like a really truly like old Hollywood vibe.
02:53 And the ruffles and the pink are so cute.
02:55 This is like a mini skirt, which I just find it's unique.
03:00 And I love that like pairing it with these,
03:02 it kind of has that like hot pink more in the back,
03:05 but it has that hot pink and that light pink.
03:07 So I feel like it goes well with these pieces.
03:10 This is technically a burlesque costume I made,
03:13 but I wear it all the time, just as like regular clothing.
03:17 'Cause it's comfy and it really kind of feels very me,
03:22 very genuine to myself,
03:25 not just my performance personality, which I really like.
03:27 This piece is actually a vintage mosquito,
03:31 which I got my hands on after begging someone on Depop.
03:34 I was looking at it for years, like I really wanted this,
03:38 this piece 'cause I love the pink houndstooth
03:41 and I love the low like U-cut.
03:44 Throughout my childhood,
03:45 I felt excluded for a variety of different reasons.
03:48 I interacted with the world a little bit differently.
03:50 And then as I grew older, I realized I was queer.
03:53 And then I started using a wheelchair later on
03:55 as a teenager and it kind of just all compounded
03:58 into just feeling different than everyone around me.
04:01 I think for a while, it really shot my confidence.
04:05 I just felt like I wasn't worthwhile.
04:07 I got various negative comments.
04:09 I got a lot of racism.
04:12 I was in a predominantly white neighborhood
04:15 growing up as a first generation Indian kid.
04:18 And then as I came out as queer, I got a lot of exclusion,
04:22 just people telling me it was wrong.
04:23 I do get a lot of negative comments online.
04:25 It'll usually come in bursts,
04:27 like a certain video will go viral
04:29 on the wrong side of the internet.
04:31 Like I had a picture where I am planting a pride flag
04:35 on the moon that got a lot of hate
04:37 because it got just reposted everywhere.
04:40 I got one where someone just in all caps
04:42 was like, "Tell me, why are you sitting on a chair?"
04:44 I've definitely had people just be like,
04:46 "I know where you live," telling me that they have a gun.
04:50 I had one person that like sent me a very graphic message
04:55 threatening to (beep) alive, which was not great.
04:58 I can turn off my phone.
05:00 And if the people around me in my life are being kind to me,
05:03 that is really what has an impact on me.
05:06 Me and my partner are gonna go out and shoot some photos.
05:10 We do it a lot just to get content for social media
05:12 but also just it's fun, it's a way to hang out.
05:14 My partner's name is Lee.
05:16 He is also a queer, disabled, wonderful, wonderful person.
05:21 And he takes great photos.
05:23 - My name is Lee and I've known Pansy since 2015.
05:26 We both were teenagers who were like into the same bands.
05:30 So I think that was kind of our first connection
05:33 was we had a similar taste in music
05:36 that we both cared a lot about.
05:37 So that kind of started our friendship
05:40 and then a relationship.
05:42 I think Pansy is inspiring for people with a disability.
05:47 - Usually I just kind of shoot
05:48 what I'm wearing out for the day.
05:51 I don't plan it super well.
05:53 It's just really how I'm feeling and what I'm going out.
05:56 I get my inspiration all kinds of places.
05:58 I look at fashion history, I look at other creators.
06:01 I also just look at things I like like media and nature,
06:05 things like that.
06:06 So I think sharing on social media
06:08 has allowed me to find community and connect with people
06:12 and also build a career.
06:13 So it's really allowed me to connect with people in a way
06:15 I wouldn't have otherwise.
06:16 You get a lot of people who tell me
06:18 that I've encouraged them to be more visible,
06:20 to be proud of their disabilities,
06:22 to get a mobility aid if they need one,
06:23 instead of just staying at home and not living their lives.
06:26 Because a lot of people do feel shame or guilt around that
06:29 when they first start using a mobility aid.
06:31 - I have been a fan of burlesque since I was really young.
06:35 And so when I would like turned like 18, 19,
06:38 I was like, I want to do this.
06:40 And I just started like kind of putting myself out there
06:43 and performing.
06:44 Burlesque is a form of striptease.
06:48 It tends to include elements of like rhinestones
06:51 and inspiration from like vintage striptease.
06:53 The first time I really did burlesque
06:56 and like I worked with an instructor,
06:57 I just felt really nervous.
07:00 But then once I kind of started actually moving on it,
07:03 it was a lot less intimidating.
07:05 I know a bunch of other disabled burlesque performers.
07:07 There's actually a Facebook group for all of us.
07:09 So we're well connected.
07:10 There's a whole bunch of us.
07:11 I think burlesque has helped build my confidence
07:14 just because performing is something
07:17 that makes me feel confident.
07:20 Being celebrated by an audience
07:22 and by fellow performers makes me feel confident.
07:26 I'm about to rehearse one of my burlesque routines.
07:28 I'm focusing on my glove peel and my shoe removal today.
07:32 Glove peels are pretty standard.
07:34 It's just removing the glove.
07:35 Usually you do it slowly.
07:37 I like to use my mouth or my shoe or something unique,
07:41 but sometimes you can just tug it and it looks good.
07:44 I would say to anyone struggling with their body image,
07:46 focus on your goals, focus on having fun
07:48 and enjoying your life and the self-love will come.
07:50 People make a lot of assumptions about wheelchair users.
07:52 I think what I see a lot is that we can't be independent,
07:57 that we can't have jobs or lives,
08:00 that we are burdensome, that we are sad all the time,
08:04 that we are not valuable members of our community.
08:06 Different people exist in the world
08:08 and we all deserve to be seen and be heard
08:11 and be included in society.
08:12 And it's also important because it shares knowledge.
08:16 Different experiences bring different knowledge.
08:18 And so together we're just stronger, we know more.
08:21 (upbeat music)
08:24 (upbeat music)
08:26 (upbeat music)
08:29 [MUSIC]