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00:00 [Theme music]
00:26 Stand by everybody as we turn the calendar back 500 years and bring you the 123rd running of the Canterbury Tournament at Blunderstone Castle.
00:32 The weather is clear, the turf is fast, and it looks as if all attendance records will be smashed to smithereens this afternoon.
00:37 Yes sirree!
00:38 [Theme music]
00:43 Spread out some pudding. Hot pudding, sir.
00:47 Get your programs here, folks. You can't hear one noise from another without a program.
00:53 To the winner of this world-famous tournament today will go riches, honor and glory, and the frail, white, delicate hand of the lovely Princess Esmeralda.
01:00 Fairest flower in all the kingdom.
01:02 [Music]
01:06 What a prize for stout-hearted knights to do and die for.
01:09 And now we take you to the dressing room of the challenger, Sir Loinsday.
01:12 14 points of brawn, muscle and courage.
01:14 Blonde and blue-eyed, ready to pit his strength against the champion for the heavyweight cast-iron slugging title of the British Empire.
01:21 [Music]
01:24 And here we have the little man who ever since early morning has been preparing his knight for the big day.
01:28 Introducing Cedric, the loyal and humble servant who dreams of some afternoon when he too will become a knight and face death for the smile of a lovely princess.
01:36 [Sigh]
01:38 But today Cedric's duty is to see to it that his master is completely overhauled.
01:42 Valves ground, new piston rings, brakes re-lined, body simonized, and a complete change of oil.
01:46 [Music]
02:02 The big moment is drawing close now. The crowd is on his toes and yelling for action.
02:06 And we go into final preparations for the big event.
02:08 The all-important last-minute touches that may very well snatch victory from defeat.
02:12 [Music]
02:14 Uh-oh, hurry Cedric, hurry!
02:16 [Music]
02:25 Get rid of it stupid, anywhere, under the rug.
02:28 There's no time to lose. Before you can say Jack Robinson and the two sturdy gladiators will be out there.
02:33 Hurry up Cedric.
02:34 Slugging it out for the championship.
02:35 The betting is four to one in favor of the champion, but the challenger is going in there with all the confidence in the world.
02:39 And there may be an upset if Saloine State can turn the tables.
02:42 It's only a matter of seconds now before the two armor plated contestants meet face to face on the field of honor.
02:46 The last minute preparations.
02:47 But wait, something's gone wrong here.
02:49 Saloine State is out, completely out, a cold night.
02:52 There's been a slip-up and it looks as though the tournament may be off.
02:55 But there's still Cedric.
02:56 Look here Cedric, you're in the armor now.
02:58 Fate has smiled upon you.
03:00 Lucky stiff, this is your big chance.
03:02 Just imagine you Cedric can be a hero and win the glory, the riches, and the honor.
03:06 To say nothing of the fair hand of the Princess Esmeralda.
03:09 Think of it Cedric, the chance of a lifetime.
03:12 And now coming out on the field, that night of night, circumference, the champion.
03:19 Old iron pants they call him, never lost his seat in combat.
03:25 But many a gallant knight has gone down to defeat 'neath the hoops of his trusty war horse.
03:29 And here we have the challenger.
03:32 It's the loyal Cedric doubling for Saloine State, willing to do or die for his master.
03:37 Or could it be the fair Princess Esmeralda?
03:39 Looks like love at first sight.
03:47 With an inspiration like this, how could anyone fail?
03:50 Easy there Cedric, easy does it.
03:57 And now the knights and horses are in the starting gate.
03:59 They're all ready. Battle stations, visors down, lances set.
04:02 Any minute now.
04:04 Although circumference the champion is the odds on paper,
04:06 ladies and gentlemen, anything can happen out here this afternoon, and probably will.
04:10 The crowd is waiting for the starting signal.
04:11 It's just a matter of seconds now.
04:13 The fans are on their toes, and here they go!
04:16 The champion is going to the front, and here comes Cedric the challenger.
04:19 Both boys are moving into the furious pace, it's gonna be ghastly.
04:21 They're moving closer now, Cedric is on the rail, here's the champion.
04:24 They're coming up to the line of scrimmage.
04:27 (crash)
04:28 It's all over, it's all over.
04:36 With circumference the winner, and still champion.
04:40 (barking)
04:42 (howling)
04:47 But just a minute folks, hold your horses, what's this?
04:50 Yes it is, believe it or not, little old Cedric is in there again.
04:53 What a fighting hot.
04:56 And now the champion sets himself for another charge.
04:58 There's the windup, the pitch, and the champion connects.
05:01 It's a line drive going over third base.
05:03 No, a long foul ball into the left field reaches.
05:06 But little Cedric is right back in there again.
05:08 It's a hot night we have out there this afternoon.
05:11 But the champion is on his toes too, and that's a mighty fistful of sword he has there.
05:15 And this time he means business, he's going in for the kill.
05:18 Poor little old Cedric, this really looks like the beginning of the end folks.
05:21 No night living could stand up under this powerhouse offensive.
05:24 It may be the kids last ride, but he's right in their pitch.
05:27 And he connects.
05:29 What a sock this little fella packs.
05:31 And the champ rocks back on his heels.
05:32 Little Cedric sure sprung a surprise that time.
05:35 But the champion is splashing back now with a right and a left, a right and a left.
05:40 He's making every blow count.
05:41 One, two, three, bow!
05:43 No holes barred in this battle.
05:45 There's a smashing right, and Cedric loses his head for a moment.
05:50 (cheering)
05:52 But now the champion takes one on the noggin.
05:54 The champ is taking a little more time now.
05:59 He's lost a little bit of his confidence.
06:00 This challenger is no green bubble.
06:02 He moves in and lets fly with a whirlwind attack.
06:04 A left, a right, a left, a right, right, left, right, left.
06:06 The champ is throwing everything he's got at little Cedric now.
06:08 What's holding this kid up?
06:10 He can't take this bombardment much longer.
06:12 Why doesn't somebody stop this slaughter?
06:14 It just don't seem human.
06:15 It's unbearable.
06:17 There ought to be a law.
06:18 Why the whole suit will have to be scrapped, including Cedric.
06:22 (cheering)
06:24 (whirring)
06:26 But wait, the champion seems to be tiring.
06:29 Those sledgehammer blows are losing some of their steam.
06:32 The champ is breathing hard now.
06:33 And again we take you back inside with Cedric.
06:36 Let it cool, this boy.
06:37 But wait, something's happening out there.
06:39 Let's have a look-see.
06:40 Could it be that old iron pants is beginning to weaken?
06:43 Yes, he reels in his saddle.
06:44 It looks like he's going down.
06:46 Yes, he's down, he's down!
06:47 And that wraps it up, folks.
06:49 The winner and new champion, little old Cedric.
06:53 Well, that's the way it goes, folks.
06:54 Champ one day, champ the next.
06:56 What a day for a night, and what a night for a day.
07:00 (upbeat music)
07:03 (upbeat music)