In this candid chat for Pinkvilla’s The Menologues, Pankaj Tripathi opens up about fatherhood, conscious parenting, patriarchal society, and why there should be a change in perspective of looking at men too.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00 The one who cries without tears and without a voice is a father.
00:03 The one who wears the hole of children's fate in his vest is a father.
00:09 The one who wears new shoes for everyone at home and the one who is a father's shadow
00:13 and the one who dreams of others in his eyes is a father.
00:18 It is true that a mother keeps us in the womb for nine months
00:21 and the one who is in the mind for nine months is a father.
00:24 A father is a protector, a father is a provider.
00:28 A father is someone who smiles after losing to his children.
00:31 A father does not say, when a father understands, he does not stay away.
00:37 Hello everyone, I am Avinash Lohana.
00:44 Today my guest is the most versatile actor of this generation according to me.
00:48 Let's welcome Pankaj Tripathi.
00:51 Pankaj ji, thank you so much.
00:53 Basically, this series is about fatherhood.
00:58 But before that, I have a personal question.
00:59 Whenever I meet you, talk to you or watch your interview,
01:03 I have a question in my mind that I never ask, I will ask today.
01:06 Sir, how are you so well-resolved?
01:08 Whenever I talk to you, I feel that you have the answer to every difficult question of life.
01:13 See, time confuses and time only solves.
01:19 When you start giving time to yourself, to your personality,
01:26 then it starts solving.
01:27 What I am saying now,
01:29 when we speak, this is just a speaker.
01:32 This is the amplifier.
01:34 So, the thoughts that come from here, come out from here as a speaker.
01:44 Basically, when you start working on this,
01:49 from where it is originating,
01:52 we create many problems that are not real, but mental.
01:58 We said that time confuses and time only solves.
02:03 So, give some time to this.
02:05 Then, slowly slowly, man will start solving.
02:10 And he will understand that this is the world of Mohan Maya.
02:12 It is not that I am saying to give up Mohan Maya.
02:19 Man cannot give up, so I cannot give up either.
02:22 But give some time to this, to thoughts.
02:25 Then things will get solved.
02:27 There will be two ways, either I will be able to do this,
02:32 or I will not be able to do this.
02:34 There is a mistake, you cannot correct the mistake.
02:37 So, learn from it and move ahead.
02:40 Do not get stuck in it.
02:42 So, the time zone, past, present, future,
02:47 there is nothing.
02:48 This present, we are talking about it now.
02:52 I met Swami ji in the middle, he was telling me that
02:56 the future is the present.
02:59 And the past is the past present.
03:04 And this present is going on.
03:06 It is a great fortune to be a father.
03:10 It is even greater fortune to be a daughter's father.
03:13 But there are many responsibilities with it.
03:15 Because the first male role model is a daughter's father.
03:18 Sir, how will you explain this responsibility?
03:21 And how conscious are you about this, that Aashi is watching you,
03:24 so you set the right example.
03:26 Friend, a father is such a thing that
03:30 you understand the value of a father only after becoming one.
03:34 It has been 2-3 months,
03:37 after 6-8 months, 1 year, you will understand more.
03:39 A father is a position that you can read,
03:42 you can read literature and watch movies and understand that
03:45 being a father is a difficult job.
03:48 But what is so difficult and what is it,
03:51 what is the experience of it, you understand after becoming a father.
03:55 Every father is concerned about his daughter,
03:58 he loves her, he is attached to her.
04:00 Every father wants to protect his daughter.
04:03 He wants to make her a better person, a better woman,
04:08 a better woman, a good woman.
04:11 But many times, the conditioning of a father is also a hindrance.
04:14 The image I want to make of a girl,
04:19 the image I have of a girl,
04:22 that thought should go to my daughter.
04:25 What is an ideal girl?
04:28 The conditioning, upbringing of a father,
04:31 the society in which he was born,
04:32 his thoughts will be there and he will want the same.
04:34 Even a father is not wrong in this.
04:36 Many times people talk about patriarchal, patriarchal fatherhood,
04:40 we protest, there are talks,
04:43 so I feel that the person whom we accuse,
04:47 that he is not a right person,
04:53 what is the problem with that person?
04:54 The environment in which he was raised,
04:56 the way he was conditioned, he will be the same.
04:59 I myself think about myself,
05:03 that if I had not become an actor and had not come to Mumbai,
05:07 or if I had not been exposed to literature, cinema,
05:10 studies, the world,
05:13 I would have been a different father.
05:16 I would not be the way I am now.
05:18 Maybe I would have hesitated to watch OMG2 with my daughter,
05:21 if I had not become an actor.
05:24 I have no hesitation in becoming an actor,
05:27 I will show her films, talk to her, sit with her.
05:31 It is true that we live in a patriarchal society,
05:34 and if you are born in that society,
05:36 your mind will be the same.
05:37 You will think the same way, and the person is not accused in that.
05:40 But it is also necessary to change that,
05:42 and that is the duty of a good father.
05:44 To change that,
05:46 it is very important, as a father, as a man,
05:52 that we learn to respect women,
05:55 whether it is a daughter, wife, mother,
05:57 lover, whoever it is,
06:00 co-passenger,
06:01 whom we do not even know,
06:02 we have met in the train or bus,
06:04 and we will get off,
06:05 and maybe we will not even talk to them.
06:07 So, respect can be seen not only in words, but also in gestures.
06:11 You should pay attention to the fact that
06:14 if a woman is sitting around you,
06:17 she should feel very safe and good.
06:22 She should not have any kind of problem with your presence.
06:26 And in the sense of girls,
06:34 they should not be seen as goddesses or saints,
06:36 but as a person.
06:39 She is not just a goddess,
06:42 she is a Jeeva,
06:44 whose gender is different.
06:45 It means, treat a person like a person.
06:48 Do you talk to your lover like this?
06:50 Yes, we do.
06:51 The good thing about her is that she reads a lot of literature.
06:55 So, she has a good understanding.
06:57 In the beginning, when she was getting married,
06:59 I was very busy,
07:01 and we were in a very difficult phase of our struggle.
07:04 We used to leave in the morning and reach home at night.
07:08 Although, it was a good time.
07:10 I remember, yesterday,
07:12 I was walking with my friend Dhiru,
07:13 who is an actor, Dhiren Diwedi.
07:15 I was walking in the evening,
07:16 and he was going to take his daughter for a ride on a bike.
07:20 He left, and his wife was going for a ride.
07:22 So, I left 20 years ago.
07:24 I was walking.
07:26 It was like this.
07:27 In the evening, we came from here,
07:29 and we used to sit the horse near the tank.
07:31 It was small.
07:32 We used to go to the market in Charkot.
07:35 We used to buy vegetables and other things.
07:36 We used to roam around in Charkot for an hour on our bike.
07:42 Then, we used to buy vegetables,
07:44 and other household items from the market.
07:47 What is Jeevan Guru?
07:49 I say, it is a journey of learning a lot from learning a lot.
07:56 When we are in our own age,
07:59 I am 48, 47 years old,
08:03 my daughter, who was a small girl,
08:05 who used to roam around in a petrol tank,
08:08 has now become a teenager.
08:11 So, both our experiences have changed.
08:17 The society has also changed.
08:18 At that time, smartphones were not so popular.
08:20 Now, you can take his name.
08:22 It is his time.
08:24 He has come now.
08:28 It is okay.
08:29 He is a telepath.
08:30 He thinks he is talking to us.
08:32 This is true love.
08:34 I think, a father is often misunderstood.
08:38 We can talk to our mother clearly.
08:40 We can coordinate well.
08:42 But, especially for a son and a father,
08:45 there is always a distance.
08:46 I remember, my father used to tell me,
08:49 "When you become a father, you will understand."
08:52 The day my daughter was born,
08:53 she was not well.
08:55 So, we had to take her somewhere else.
08:57 When I was taking her in the ambulance,
08:59 I felt a strange fear for the first time.
09:02 Then, I remembered my father's words,
09:03 "When you become a father, you will understand."
09:07 Sir, what was your relationship with your father?
09:10 He has just passed away.
09:12 I don't think he will ever...
09:15 No, he will always be there.
09:19 He is my life partner.
09:24 Yes, it is possible.
09:28 But, it is okay.
09:30 This is the Leela of the earth.
09:33 This is how the process goes on.
09:36 I remember a poem from my father.
09:39 It is a very good poem.
09:42 It is written by Paritosh.
09:44 Paritosh Tripathi is the poet.
09:47 I have heard this poem before.
09:50 I will read two lines.
09:52 "The one who cries without tears and without a sound,
09:54 is a father.
09:57 The one who wears the hole of children's fate in his vest,
10:00 is a father.
10:02 New shoes are brought to the house for everyone.
10:04 For this, the father's shoes are rubbed.
10:06 The one who dreams of others in his eyes,
10:09 is a father.
10:11 The mother keeps us in the womb for nine months.
10:13 But, the one who is in the mind for nine months,
10:16 is a father.
10:17 The father is the protector, the father is the one who feeds.
10:20 The father is the one who smiles after losing to his children.
10:23 The father does not say.
10:25 When the father understands,
10:28 he does not stay away."
10:30 Wow.
10:32 I knew this, so I told Paritosh about this interview.
10:36 First, I have to send that poem.
10:37 I will read it today.
10:39 Mulla uncle, we are a woman journalist.
10:44 She writes very well.
10:47 She is a feminist and she writes a lot on feminism.
10:50 She has started a series on men.
10:54 I read her first article.
10:57 I liked it very much. The perspective was very different.
11:00 That...
11:04 It is a big role.
11:07 It is a big responsibility of men.
11:08 It is not like that, both men and women,
11:12 whether they are father and daughter,
11:14 or in any relationship,
11:16 or even if they are not in a relationship,
11:19 they are people who work together,
11:21 they are individuals who have no connection.
11:24 Both men and women need to see it from a different perspective.
11:29 So, on the men's day,
11:31 I think men should change their perspective.
11:35 Many times,
11:37 there is a preconceived notion
11:41 that if a man goes to a woman alone at night
11:43 to help her, she will get scared.
11:47 She will say, "I was just coming to help."
11:50 So, you should not see it from a scary perspective.
11:53 It is okay, it may be because of her previous experience.
11:58 So, both men should have a perspective
12:00 to see, evaluate and understand.
12:04 You cannot generalize.
12:05 You cannot generalize.
12:07 Men are already dead,
12:11 they will be friends,
12:12 and women will be goddesses.
12:14 No, you cannot generalize.
12:16 We are all humans.
12:17 We are with our errors, our weaknesses,
12:20 and our goodness.
12:22 And yes, it is our duty
12:27 as an artist,
12:31 or as a person who works in film industry,
12:36 to try to become a better citizen,
12:39 a better society.
12:43 It is very important.
12:45 We always want to make the world a little more beautiful
12:48 than the way we have been given it.
12:50 We want to give it to our children,
12:52 to the future generations.
12:53 We will earn money and give it to them.
12:57 If the society does not give us a good life,
12:58 what is the importance of it?
13:00 Living and living is in this society.
13:03 We have to breathe from here.
13:05 We are sitting in the middle of greenery.
13:06 If we do not pay attention to nature,
13:08 our future generations will have to go
13:10 to study with an oxygen cylinder.
13:13 Sir, I have read somewhere that when a father leaves,
13:15 the roof goes away.
13:17 What happens is that we feel that
13:19 I have not taken any advice from my father
13:21 for the past 25 years.
13:22 Should I do this work or not?
13:25 I am an independent person
13:27 and I take my own decisions for the past 30 years.
13:30 And after doing it, I tell him
13:32 that I am going to Bombay.
13:36 He says, "Okay, what will you do?"
13:38 I say, "I will work in films."
13:39 He says, "Will it happen?"
13:40 I say, "Yes, it will happen."
13:41 He says, "Okay, go."
13:42 And I had already come to Bombay.
13:44 Okay.
13:45 So, I thought, who will I take advice from?
13:48 Who will I tell?
13:49 Then I thought, I had not taken any advice from him
13:50 for the past 25 years.
13:52 What should I do?
13:53 How should I do?
13:55 But why is this question coming to my mind?
13:57 Why did the roof go away?
13:59 Till then, I feel that my father is there.
14:03 So, it is symbolic.
14:04 I had not taken any advice from him for the past 25 years.
14:06 But I don't know,
14:07 the software that I have been using since childhood,
14:09 now it is in the bringing,
14:11 that if he is there, everything will be fine.
14:13 If I make a mistake, I will be saved.
14:16 If I cannot earn, I will be deprived.
14:18 So, I will send money to eat.
14:20 Otherwise, I used to study.
14:21 I used to get Rs. 400 monthly from home.
14:23 I used to get money order.
14:25 And that was not the era of mobile phones.
14:26 We did not talk for 6-7 months.
14:28 We used to write a letter that we are fine.
14:30 Anyway, I give a lot of discourses.
14:31 No, sir, I was just asking,
14:33 how do you do such good things?
14:35 If I want, I can talk for another hour.
14:37 I can also do.
14:38 So, good things,
14:41 there can be two perspectives.
14:44 Sun gives light even if it does not want to.
14:49 There was a line in Newton.
14:51 Sun gives light even if it does not want to.
14:53 What should I do?
14:54 The second perspective is,
14:55 Adjal Gagri Chalkat Jai.
14:57 Where there is a lack of knowledge,
14:58 there knowledge is flowing.
15:00 So, either I have a lack of knowledge,
15:02 that is why it is flowing,
15:02 I keep talking about knowledge.
15:04 And if I see from the Sun's perspective,
15:07 if there is knowledge, it will be distributed.
15:09 Now, this is to be decided by the intellectuals.
15:12 This is Adjal Gagri.
15:13 I think it is Adjal Gagri.
15:14 The day the knowledge will be complete,
15:16 or will understand,
15:17 that day I will reduce speaking.
15:19 But there are difficulties in the interview format,
15:20 that I have to speak.
15:22 You will ask questions, I have to give answers.
15:24 We have agreed that we will talk.
15:26 So, I have to say something.
15:29 Now, in this entire interview,
15:31 I have not talked about fitness, body building,
15:33 or men's styling, or men's look.
15:37 Why not?
15:39 I have only talked about thoughts,
15:41 about character,
15:42 about the relationships between men and women.
15:46 Because, what will work here,
15:48 will come out from the speaker.
15:52 So, this is what I do,
15:54 from the point of view of acting,
15:56 from the point of view of life.
15:57 So, I keep talking nonsense.
15:59 Sir, this is not nonsense, this is a very good thing.
16:00 You have once said a line,
16:02 "Whether it is life or food,
16:04 it should be cooked on low flame,
16:05 and should be cooked for a long time,
16:07 it is fine."
16:07 It is a very good line, sir.
16:09 Yes, he says it randomly.
16:10 I had said it somewhere in an interview.
16:13 This is true.
16:15 Slowly, now,
16:16 we are very progressive and amazing in this generation.
16:19 There is another generation,
16:20 who are very much worried,
16:21 that they want it fast, they want it instant.
16:23 Yes.
16:24 Because, the ramp and processor around it,
16:27 has become instant.
16:28 Food has also become instant.
16:30 Success also needs instant.
16:32 Relationships also need instant.
16:34 Instant does not happen.
16:36 Yes.
16:37 It does not happen.
16:38 Wait, that is why I said that.
16:40 Wait.
16:41 Yes.
16:41 Before the interview,
16:43 I was telling Ahmed,
16:44 that I can do journalism,
16:45 I can do this only.
16:46 Rest, the regular thing is job.
16:48 So, thank you for this interview.
16:49 These 20 minutes were very important for me,
16:51 which you gave me.
16:52 Thank you so much.
16:53 No, it will be more than 20.
16:54 (Laughs)
16:57 Thank you so much, sir.
16:57 No problem.
16:58 Even I,
16:59 I get emotional sometimes.
17:01 I feel, what to say, how much to say.
17:03 I want to avoid video interviews.
17:04 Yes.
17:05 That is why, it has become less.
17:07 I try to reduce it.
17:10 I still feel in the text,
17:12 if people read it on the same pretext, then...
17:14 Yes, and learn something new from you.
17:16 Yes.
17:17 The habit of reading will remain.
17:19 We all have become habitual of reading.
17:20 Yes.
17:21 Reading is good.
17:23 Our medium is also a medium of reading.
17:25 Correct.
17:26 So, we can show it there,
17:27 in the interview,
17:29 on Instagram,
17:30 how much we can show.
17:31 Correct.
17:31 No, thank you.
17:32 Thank you so much for this.
17:34 I can keep going on.
17:35 Thank you so much.
17:35 Thank you, brother.
17:36 Thank you.
17:37 [BLANK_AUDIO]