Pankaj Tripathi on fatherhood, gets emotional about his dad Life lessons International Men's Day
In this candid chat for Pinkvilla’s The Menologues, Pankaj Tripathi opens up about fatherhood, conscious parenting, patriarchal society, and why there should be a change in perspective of looking at men too.
Transcript
00:00 The one who cries without tears and without a voice is a father.
00:03 The one who wears the hole of children's fate in his vest is a father.
00:09 The one who wears new shoes for everyone at home and the one who is a father's shadow
00:13 and the one who dreams of others in his eyes is a father.
00:18 It is true that a mother keeps us in the womb for nine months
00:21 and the one who is in the mind for nine months is a father.
00:24 A father is a protector, a father is a provider.
00:28 A father is someone who smiles after losing to his children.
00:31 A father does not say, when a father understands, he does not stay away.
00:37 Hello everyone, I am Avinash Lohana.
00:44 Today my guest is the most versatile actor of this generation according to me.
00:48 Let's welcome Pankaj Tripathi.
00:51 Pankaj ji, thank you so much.
00:53 Basically, this series is about fatherhood.
00:58 But before that, I have a personal question.
00:59 Whenever I meet you, talk to you or watch your interview,
01:03 I have a question in my mind that I never ask, I will ask today.
01:06 Sir, how are you so well-resolved?
01:08 Whenever I talk to you, I feel that you have the answer to every difficult question of life.
01:13 See, time confuses and time only solves.
01:19 When you start giving time to yourself, to your personality,
01:26 then it starts solving.
01:27 What I am saying now,
01:29 when we speak, this is just a speaker.
01:32 This is the amplifier.
01:34 So, the thoughts that come from here, come out from here as a speaker.
01:44 Basically, when you start working on this,
01:49 from where it is originating,
01:52 we create many problems that are not real, but mental.
01:58 We said that time confuses and time only solves.
02:03 So, give some time to this.
02:05 Then, slowly slowly, man will start solving.
02:10 And he will understand that this is the world of Mohan Maya.
02:12 It is not that I am saying to give up Mohan Maya.
02:19 Man cannot give up, so I cannot give up either.
02:22 But give some time to this, to thoughts.
02:25 Then things will get solved.
02:27 There will be two ways, either I will be able to do this,
02:32 or I will not be able to do this.
02:34 There is a mistake, you cannot correct the mistake.
02:37 So, learn from it and move ahead.
02:40 Do not get stuck in it.
02:42 So, the time zone, past, present, future,
02:47 there is nothing.
02:48 This present, we are talking about it now.
02:52 I met Swami ji in the middle, he was telling me that
02:56 the future is the present.
02:59 And the past is the past present.
03:04 And this present is going on.
03:06 It is a great fortune to be a father.
03:10 It is even greater fortune to be a daughter's father.
03:13 But there are many responsibilities with it.
03:15 Because the first male role model is a daughter's father.
03:18 Sir, how will you explain this responsibility?
03:21 And how conscious are you about this, that Aashi is watching you,
03:24 so you set the right example.
03:26 Friend, a father is such a thing that
03:30 you understand the value of a father only after becoming one.
03:34 It has been 2-3 months,
03:37 after 6-8 months, 1 year, you will understand more.
03:39 A father is a position that you can read,
03:42 you can read literature and watch movies and understand that
03:45 being a father is a difficult job.
03:48 But what is so difficult and what is it,
03:51 what is the experience of it, you understand after becoming a father.
03:55 Every father is concerned about his daughter,
03:58 he loves her, he is attached to her.
04:00 Every father wants to protect his daughter.
04:03 He wants to make her a better person, a better woman,
04:08 a better woman, a good woman.
04:11 But many times, the conditioning of a father is also a hindrance.
04:14 The image I want to make of a girl,
04:19 the image I have of a girl,
04:22 that thought should go to my daughter.
04:25 What is an ideal girl?
04:28 The conditioning, upbringing of a father,
04:31 the society in which he was born,
04:32 his thoughts will be there and he will want the same.
04:34 Even a father is not wrong in this.
04:36 Many times people talk about patriarchal, patriarchal fatherhood,
04:40 we protest, there are talks,
04:43 so I feel that the person whom we accuse,
04:47 that he is not a right person,
04:53 what is the problem with that person?
04:54 The environment in which he was raised,
04:56 the way he was conditioned, he will be the same.
04:59 I myself think about myself,
05:03 that if I had not become an actor and had not come to Mumbai,
05:07 or if I had not been exposed to literature, cinema,
05:10 studies, the world,
05:13 I would have been a different father.
05:16 I would not be the way I am now.
05:18 Maybe I would have hesitated to watch OMG2 with my daughter,
05:21 if I had not become an actor.
05:24 I have no hesitation in becoming an actor,
05:27 I will show her films, talk to her, sit with her.
05:31 It is true that we live in a patriarchal society,
05:34 and if you are born in that society,
05:36 your mind will be the same.
05:37 You will think the same way, and the person is not accused in that.
05:40 But it is also necessary to change that,
05:42 and that is the duty of a good father.
05:44 To change that,
05:46 it is very important, as a father, as a man,
05:52 that we learn to respect women,
05:55 whether it is a daughter, wife, mother,
05:57 lover, whoever it is,
06:00 co-passenger,
06:01 whom we do not even know,
06:02 we have met in the train or bus,
06:04 and we will get off,
06:05 and maybe we will not even talk to them.
06:07 So, respect can be seen not only in words, but also in gestures.
06:11 You should pay attention to the fact that
06:14 if a woman is sitting around you,
06:17 she should feel very safe and good.
06:22 She should not have any kind of problem with your presence.
06:26 And in the sense of girls,
06:34 they should not be seen as goddesses or saints,
06:36 but as a person.
06:39 She is not just a goddess,
06:42 she is a Jeeva,
06:44 whose gender is different.
06:45 It means, treat a person like a person.
06:48 Do you talk to your lover like this?
06:50 Yes, we do.
06:51 The good thing about her is that she reads a lot of literature.
06:55 So, she has a good understanding.
06:57 In the beginning, when she was getting married,
06:59 I was very busy,
07:01 and we were in a very difficult phase of our struggle.
07:04 We used to leave in the morning and reach home at night.
07:08 Although, it was a good time.
07:10 I remember, yesterday,
07:12 I was walking with my friend Dhiru,
07:13 who is an actor, Dhiren Diwedi.
07:15 I was walking in the evening,
07:16 and he was going to take his daughter for a ride on a bike.
07:20 He left, and his wife was going for a ride.
07:22 So, I left 20 years ago.
07:24 I was walking.
07:26 It was like this.
07:27 In the evening, we came from here,
07:29 and we used to sit the horse near the tank.
07:31 It was small.
07:32 We used to go to the market in Charkot.
07:35 We used to buy vegetables and other things.
07:36 We used to roam around in Charkot for an hour on our bike.
07:42 Then, we used to buy vegetables,
07:44 and other household items from the market.
07:47 What is Jeevan Guru?
07:49 I say, it is a journey of learning a lot from learning a lot.
07:56 When we are in our own age,
07:59 I am 48, 47 years old,
08:03 my daughter, who was a small girl,
08:05 who used to roam around in a petrol tank,
08:08 has now become a teenager.
08:11 So, both our experiences have changed.
08:17 The society has also changed.
08:18 At that time, smartphones were not so popular.
08:20 Now, you can take his name.
08:22 It is his time.
08:24 He has come now.
08:28 It is okay.
08:29 He is a telepath.
08:30 He thinks he is talking to us.
08:32 This is true love.
08:34 I think, a father is often misunderstood.
08:38 We can talk to our mother clearly.
08:40 We can coordinate well.
08:42 But, especially for a son and a father,
08:45 there is always a distance.
08:46 I remember, my father used to tell me,
08:49 "When you become a father, you will understand."
08:52 The day my daughter was born,
08:53 she was not well.
08:55 So, we had to take her somewhere else.
08:57 When I was taking her in the ambulance,
08:59 I felt a strange fear for the first time.
09:02 Then, I remembered my father's words,
09:03 "When you become a father, you will understand."
09:07 Sir, what was your relationship with your father?
09:10 He has just passed away.
09:12 I don't think he will ever...
09:15 No, he will always be there.
09:19 He is my life partner.
09:24 Yes, it is possible.
09:28 But, it is okay.
09:30 This is the Leela of the earth.
09:33 This is how the process goes on.
09:36 I remember a poem from my father.
09:39 It is a very good poem.
09:42 It is written by Paritosh.
09:44 Paritosh Tripathi is the poet.
09:47 I have heard this poem before.
09:50 I will read two lines.
09:52 "The one who cries without tears and without a sound,
09:54 is a father.
09:57 The one who wears the hole of children's fate in his vest,
10:00 is a father.
10:02 New shoes are brought to the house for everyone.
10:04 For this, the father's shoes are rubbed.
10:06 The one who dreams of others in his eyes,
10:09 is a father.
10:11 The mother keeps us in the womb for nine months.
10:13 But, the one who is in the mind for nine months,
10:16 is a father.
10:17 The father is the protector, the father is the one who feeds.
10:20 The father is the one who smiles after losing to his children.
10:23 The father does not say.
10:25 When the father understands,
10:28 he does not stay away."
10:30 Wow.
10:32 I knew this, so I told Paritosh about this interview.
10:36 First, I have to send that poem.
10:37 I will read it today.
10:39 Mulla uncle, we are a woman journalist.
10:44 She writes very well.
10:47 She is a feminist and she writes a lot on feminism.
10:50 She has started a series on men.
10:54 I read her first article.
10:57 I liked it very much. The perspective was very different.
11:00 That...
11:04 It is a big role.
11:07 It is a big responsibility of men.
11:08 It is not like that, both men and women,
11:12 whether they are father and daughter,
11:14 or in any relationship,
11:16 or even if they are not in a relationship,
11:19 they are people who work together,
11:21 they are individuals who have no connection.
11:24 Both men and women need to see it from a different perspective.
11:29 So, on the men's day,
11:31 I think men should change their perspective.
11:35 Many times,
11:37 there is a preconceived notion
11:41 that if a man goes to a woman alone at night
11:43 to help her, she will get scared.
11:47 She will say, "I was just coming to help."
11:50 So, you should not see it from a scary perspective.
11:53 It is okay, it may be because of her previous experience.
11:58 So, both men should have a perspective
12:00 to see, evaluate and understand.
12:04 You cannot generalize.
12:05 You cannot generalize.
12:07 Men are already dead,
12:11 they will be friends,
12:12 and women will be goddesses.
12:14 No, you cannot generalize.
12:16 We are all humans.
12:17 We are with our errors, our weaknesses,
12:20 and our goodness.
12:22 And yes, it is our duty
12:27 as an artist,
12:31 or as a person who works in film industry,
12:36 to try to become a better citizen,
12:39 a better society.
12:43 It is very important.
12:45 We always want to make the world a little more beautiful
12:48 than the way we have been given it.
12:50 We want to give it to our children,
12:52 to the future generations.
12:53 We will earn money and give it to them.
12:57 If the society does not give us a good life,
12:58 what is the importance of it?
13:00 Living and living is in this society.
13:03 We have to breathe from here.
13:05 We are sitting in the middle of greenery.
13:06 If we do not pay attention to nature,
13:08 our future generations will have to go
13:10 to study with an oxygen cylinder.
13:13 Sir, I have read somewhere that when a father leaves,
13:15 the roof goes away.
13:17 What happens is that we feel that
13:19 I have not taken any advice from my father
13:21 for the past 25 years.
13:22 Should I do this work or not?
13:25 I am an independent person
13:27 and I take my own decisions for the past 30 years.
13:30 And after doing it, I tell him
13:32 that I am going to Bombay.
13:36 He says, "Okay, what will you do?"
13:38 I say, "I will work in films."
13:39 He says, "Will it happen?"
13:40 I say, "Yes, it will happen."
13:41 He says, "Okay, go."
13:42 And I had already come to Bombay.
13:44 Okay.
13:45 So, I thought, who will I take advice from?
13:48 Who will I tell?
13:49 Then I thought, I had not taken any advice from him
13:50 for the past 25 years.
13:52 What should I do?
13:53 How should I do?
13:55 But why is this question coming to my mind?
13:57 Why did the roof go away?
13:59 Till then, I feel that my father is there.
14:03 So, it is symbolic.
14:04 I had not taken any advice from him for the past 25 years.
14:06 But I don't know,
14:07 the software that I have been using since childhood,
14:09 now it is in the bringing,
14:11 that if he is there, everything will be fine.
14:13 If I make a mistake, I will be saved.
14:16 If I cannot earn, I will be deprived.
14:18 So, I will send money to eat.
14:20 Otherwise, I used to study.
14:21 I used to get Rs. 400 monthly from home.
14:23 I used to get money order.
14:25 And that was not the era of mobile phones.
14:26 We did not talk for 6-7 months.
14:28 We used to write a letter that we are fine.
14:30 Anyway, I give a lot of discourses.
14:31 No, sir, I was just asking,
14:33 how do you do such good things?
14:35 If I want, I can talk for another hour.
14:37 I can also do.
14:38 So, good things,
14:41 there can be two perspectives.
14:44 Sun gives light even if it does not want to.
14:49 There was a line in Newton.
14:51 Sun gives light even if it does not want to.
14:53 What should I do?
14:54 The second perspective is,
14:55 Adjal Gagri Chalkat Jai.
14:57 Where there is a lack of knowledge,
14:58 there knowledge is flowing.
15:00 So, either I have a lack of knowledge,
15:02 that is why it is flowing,
15:02 I keep talking about knowledge.
15:04 And if I see from the Sun's perspective,
15:07 if there is knowledge, it will be distributed.
15:09 Now, this is to be decided by the intellectuals.
15:12 This is Adjal Gagri.
15:13 I think it is Adjal Gagri.
15:14 The day the knowledge will be complete,
15:16 or will understand,
15:17 that day I will reduce speaking.
15:19 But there are difficulties in the interview format,
15:20 that I have to speak.
15:22 You will ask questions, I have to give answers.
15:24 We have agreed that we will talk.
15:26 So, I have to say something.
15:29 Now, in this entire interview,
15:31 I have not talked about fitness, body building,
15:33 or men's styling, or men's look.
15:37 Why not?
15:39 I have only talked about thoughts,
15:41 about character,
15:42 about the relationships between men and women.
15:46 Because, what will work here,
15:48 will come out from the speaker.
15:52 So, this is what I do,
15:54 from the point of view of acting,
15:56 from the point of view of life.
15:57 So, I keep talking nonsense.
15:59 Sir, this is not nonsense, this is a very good thing.
16:00 You have once said a line,
16:02 "Whether it is life or food,
16:04 it should be cooked on low flame,
16:05 and should be cooked for a long time,
16:07 it is fine."
16:07 It is a very good line, sir.
16:09 Yes, he says it randomly.
16:10 I had said it somewhere in an interview.
16:13 This is true.
16:15 Slowly, now,
16:16 we are very progressive and amazing in this generation.
16:19 There is another generation,
16:20 who are very much worried,
16:21 that they want it fast, they want it instant.
16:23 Yes.
16:24 Because, the ramp and processor around it,
16:27 has become instant.
16:28 Food has also become instant.
16:30 Success also needs instant.
16:32 Relationships also need instant.
16:34 Instant does not happen.
16:36 Yes.
16:37 It does not happen.
16:38 Wait, that is why I said that.
16:40 Wait.
16:41 Yes.
16:41 Before the interview,
16:43 I was telling Ahmed,
16:44 that I can do journalism,
16:45 I can do this only.
16:46 Rest, the regular thing is job.
16:48 So, thank you for this interview.
16:49 These 20 minutes were very important for me,
16:51 which you gave me.
16:52 Thank you so much.
16:53 No, it will be more than 20.
16:54 (Laughs)
16:57 Thank you so much, sir.
16:57 No problem.
16:58 Even I,
16:59 I get emotional sometimes.
17:01 I feel, what to say, how much to say.
17:03 I want to avoid video interviews.
17:04 Yes.
17:05 That is why, it has become less.
17:07 I try to reduce it.
17:10 I still feel in the text,
17:12 if people read it on the same pretext, then...
17:14 Yes, and learn something new from you.
17:16 Yes.
17:17 The habit of reading will remain.
17:19 We all have become habitual of reading.
17:20 Yes.
17:21 Reading is good.
17:23 Our medium is also a medium of reading.
17:25 Correct.
17:26 So, we can show it there,
17:27 in the interview,
17:29 on Instagram,
17:30 how much we can show.
17:31 Correct.
17:31 No, thank you.
17:32 Thank you so much for this.
17:34 I can keep going on.
17:35 Thank you so much.
17:35 Thank you, brother.
17:36 Thank you.
17:37 [BLANK_AUDIO]