The Boss Baby: Christmas Bonus (2022)
Christmas Eve takes a twisty turn when the Boss Baby accidentally swaps places with one of Santa's elves and gets stranded at the North Pole.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00 [music]
00:05 [music]
00:10 [music]
00:15 Hold all my calls.
00:17 [music]
00:24 Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!
00:28 Girls, it's time.
00:31 Dad, no! I have to keep feeding the Christmas Panda or the Christmas Panda will die!
00:36 His death is on your conscience. I hope bedtime was worth it.
00:41 Well now who said bedtime? It's time for the grand finale of Templeton Christmas Traditions.
00:47 Dad tells a holiday themed story until you fall asleep.
00:50 Woo!
00:51 Do we have to? I'm kind of right in the middle of something.
00:54 Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!
00:56 Hey! Why do we have to do something neither of us wants to do just because it's a tradition?
01:01 [laughs]
01:02 I know someone who felt the same way you did.
01:05 Who? Do I know them? Do they have a beard or a funny shirt or a curse that makes them sing every word they say?
01:10 It was actually your Uncle Ted. And once upon a time...
01:14 [gasps] Sneaky story and show.
01:16 Back when he was a baby, he hated our family Christmas traditions,
01:20 even though they were the most awesome traditions ever invented.
01:24 Five days before Christmas, we played...
01:26 Shock That Elf!
01:28 It's your dad's year to be the elf.
01:30 All right, but me and my elf buddy here are going to be pretty hard...
01:34 Merry Christmas!
01:35 [laughs]
01:39 Four days before Christmas, we'd make the best Christmas cards for our grandparents.
01:44 I made a Christmas tree!
01:46 I made a reindeer.
01:48 [screams]
01:50 The baby made Santa's sleigh!
01:52 Three days before Christmas, we'd sing the most soulful bass and glockenspiel rendition
01:58 of "The Night Before Christmas" you've ever heard.
02:00 ♪ 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house ♪
02:04 ♪ Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse ♪
02:08 [screams]
02:10 And two days before Uncle Ted's first Christmas, well, that's when the magic started.
02:15 Work with me, baby.
02:17 Oh, there, our handsome little elf.
02:20 Ooh, I'm going to go grab the camera.
02:22 I thought Christmas was a day, not a month.
02:28 You can't contain Templeton traditions to one day.
02:31 That's like trying to hold eight ants in your hand. Too many ants!
02:34 You performed "The Night Before Christmas" three days before Christmas.
02:37 But if you perform it on the actual night before Christmas, it's bad luck.
02:41 Uh, why did you put a gingerbread fellow in my pocket?
02:45 Because gingerbread in the pocket is good luck.
02:47 And yet, I'm still here wearing this.
02:51 Where's yours? Not participating in today's "dress like a court jester" Templeton tradition?
02:57 That's not today's tradition. Today's when we--
02:59 Who's ready to get their pictures taken with Santa?
03:03 [baby crying]
03:08 I'm going to be right there with you the whole time.
03:11 We sit on his lap, tell him what we want for Christmas.
03:15 It's the easiest and best tradition there is. You don't have to freak out.
03:19 Danny?
03:21 Tim, check this out.
03:24 A snowball?
03:25 I'm going to throw it right in Santa's face.
03:27 What? Danny, no. You're going to get on the naughty list.
03:30 Oh, I'm always on the naughty list.
03:32 I don't give all Kringle the power to suppress my animal instincts.
03:36 But only kids on Santa's good list get presents.
03:38 Do only they? Naughty listeners get the greatest present of all.
03:42 Coal! The little black rock with a million uses.
03:45 Heat, decoration, other. It's a win-win.
03:48 Want me to split this slush smacker in two? We can totally flank Santa.
03:52 No! I work very hard to stay on the nice list.
03:55 Who do you think gave them the quarters for their relaxing massages?
03:58 [baby crying]
04:02 Suit yourself.
04:03 We should probably get up.
04:08 I've been trying to--
04:12 Ho, ho, ho. Come on up.
04:15 Timothy Templeton? It has four Ts in it.
04:21 This is my brother Theodore. Same last name. One less T?
04:24 Boss Baby?
04:26 Ron.
04:27 Um, what is happening?
04:29 Your brother and I used to work together. A long time ago.
04:33 Wait. Santa is--
04:34 Former baby corp. And as disloyal as a cat with trade secrets to sell.
04:39 Ho, ho, ho, Boss Baby. I'm just trying to spread joy and happiness.
04:43 Blah, blah, blah. I heard it all the day you quit, Ron.
04:46 When are Mommy and Daddy going to take this picture?
04:49 Honey, take a picture!
04:50 I'm trying! I'm just so relaxed.
04:53 I left Baby Corp because I had this great idea of how to make the world a happier place with Christmas cheer.
04:59 How do you think it's working?
05:00 I think you're doing a fine job.
05:02 Don't side with this hippie, Templeton.
05:04 He betrayed everything Baby Corp stands for.
05:07 He poached half the company for his Toys for Nothing program.
05:10 And he's exploiting baby labor to make those toys.
05:13 Elves. Elves make the toys?
05:15 Oh, come on. That's just marketing.
05:17 Whoa! They are babies?
05:21 Okay, say cheese!
05:23 Cheese!
05:24 Smile for your parents, boys.
05:25 I will never be caught smiling with a commie like--
05:28 Gotcha! Ho, ho, ho!
05:32 I'm still on the nice list, right?
05:36 Tippy-top.
05:37 Yes!
05:38 Then for Christmas, I want Football Mike Canadian Football Edition with the Locker Room Jacuzzi play set.
05:43 Any chance you wrote that request in official letter form?
05:46 Oh, now he loves paperwork.
05:48 You know it!
05:49 Drop it off with my elves, and you have yourself a merry Christmas.
05:53 Thanks, Santa. You too. Bye!
05:55 I see you, Danny Petroski!
06:02 Naughty list life forever!
06:05 See? Wasn't that fun, little guy?
06:08 Look! Cracklin Bones Odell and the Caroling Cracklet!
06:12 Ho, ho, ho!
06:14 Put me down. I have a score to settle.
06:17 You're not going to do anything to get me on the naughty list, are you?
06:20 I'm not a monster, Templeton.
06:22 Santa Claus is.
06:25 So, Ron, you like getting mail?
06:29 Well, here's a special delivery.
06:33 [♪♪♪]
06:35 [GASPS]
06:39 [SCREAMS]
06:40 [GRUNTS]
06:42 [GROANS]
06:43 [♪♪♪]
06:45 [♪♪♪]
06:52 [♪♪♪]
06:54 Not like you to be sleeping on the job on Christmas Eve, Dongle.
07:07 It's Christmas Eve? Where am I?
07:09 You still owe me 300 holly berries, Dongle. Pay up!
07:14 Why are you calling me? Where am I? Oh, no.
07:17 Don't play dumb, Dongle. I want my money before Boxing Day. Get it?
07:22 Do get it. Not Dongle.
07:23 Dongle!
07:24 [GROANS]
07:25 I'm so jolly to see you!
07:27 No! Not Dongle!
07:29 What's up with your voice, Dongle? Are you sick?
07:32 I'm not Dongle!
07:35 Everybody, come quick! Dongle's sick!
07:38 [GASPS]
07:39 [GASPS]
07:40 Dongle!
07:41 Can you see? Look at me.
07:43 I'm not Dongle!
07:46 It's Christmas Eve!
07:48 You're gonna love it!
07:49 Santa! Dongle is sorry for falling asleep on the...
07:52 [GASPS]
07:55 [SCREAMS]
07:57 What did you do with my brother?
07:58 What did you do with Dongle Santa?
08:01 Oh, no. Are you...
08:03 Dongle's name is Ding Dong Dongle.
08:06 Yeah, but I mean, you're an elf?
08:09 Superior toy maker of the North Pole.
08:11 When Dongle makes a toy, so many jaws drop to the floor
08:14 that the jaw doctor can buy a new mansion.
08:17 Did you just make a rocking horse for my brother's crib?
08:20 Is it perfect? Then yes.
08:23 Wait. So if you're here, then my brother is...
08:26 At the North Pole, of course!
08:28 Does Dongle look like he is from Texas?
08:31 Imagine cowboy hat Dongle.
08:33 Uh, very handsome.
08:35 So he's with Santa? Aw.
08:38 But we gotta get him back now.
08:40 It's his first Christmas, and we have so many more family traditions
08:43 he has to have fun doing.
08:44 Dongle needs to get back also now,
08:46 or the world will be bombarded with inferior toys
08:49 that will plaque in children's hearts.
08:51 Okay. My brother works at Baby Corp, so I'll leave...
08:54 Baby Corp can't make toys to save their lives.
08:58 Is that a situation that comes up a lot?
09:00 Dongle could tell you stories.
09:03 Yes, please! But later.
09:05 For now, Baby Corp is our only hope to get out of this mix-up.
09:08 Stacy, we have a situation.
09:10 T-W-A-F-E-R. Twoffer.
09:13 Tommy wants a fire engine. Red.
09:18 Twoffer. Twoffer.
09:20 Not now, Dongle.
09:21 I'm not Dongle. Ron.
09:24 Boss Baby? What the jingles are you doing here?
09:27 The question is, how the jingles do I get out of here?
09:31 Oh, you know I'd love to help,
09:33 but I'm memorizing children's letters.
09:35 If I don't get the request locked down into my noggin,
09:38 it'll take me weeks to deliver the gifts.
09:40 Speaking of jingles... Jingle!
09:42 Judy is now getting lavender earmuffs.
09:45 J-I-N-G-L-E. Jingle!
09:48 You truly are an embarrassment to efficiency.
09:50 Get a computer!
09:52 The elves and I, we're more like a family business.
09:55 They make the toys, I do this.
09:57 These are our family traditions,
09:59 and they've made everyone happy for a long time.
10:03 A day for your family.
10:05 Now take me home to mine, Big Beard.
10:07 I'm simply too busy.
10:09 I'll give you a lift tonight when I'm delivering presents.
10:11 What am I supposed to do in the meantime?
10:14 Help make a few toys.
10:15 And maybe learn a thing or two about the Christmas spirit.
10:19 (groans)
10:21 Any word on rescuing my brother?
10:23 Sorry. Ran into a snag.
10:26 Typical Baby Corp incompetence.
10:32 Well, dongle excellence.
10:34 Hey, I won that trophy for excellence in trophy modeling.
10:37 You got to stop making stuff out of stuff.
10:39 What's the snag?
10:40 Chewbitek is jammed at the North Pole.
10:42 Stupid Santa Claus.
10:44 Watch your mouth, Baby Corp mongrel!
10:46 (grunts)
10:49 Guys, it's less than 24 hours
10:51 until my brother's first Christmas morning.
10:53 If we can't Chewbie there,
10:54 we have to find another way to get to the North Pole.
10:57 (gasps) What about Mom and Dad?
10:58 They'll be worried sick.
10:59 You relax.
11:00 Dongle will take care of everything.
11:02 This one's from Aunt Dorothy.
11:04 Merry Christmas from Aunt Dorothy.
11:07 Aw, that's nice.
11:09 Is that a grenade?
11:10 Don't be foolish.
11:11 Dongle doesn't explode, parents.
11:13 Dongle kills with poison gas.
11:16 What?
11:18 Do you smell?
11:20 (laughs)
11:23 Dongle told a sick joke.
11:25 This is just Santa's sleeping dust
11:27 for when the children try to stay up to see him.
11:30 What the heck, Dongle?
11:31 Drama is the spice of life.
11:34 That should give us enough time
11:37 to get to the North Pole and back.
11:39 Sure, but with Mom and Dad asleep,
11:40 I have to do all the shopping by myself
11:42 to get ready for our traditional
11:43 Christmas Day fruitcake hockey,
11:44 which we play while wearing Hawaiian leis
11:46 made from snacks.
11:47 So fun. I wish everyone could play.
11:49 Point is, we need to move fast.
11:51 No sweat.
11:52 Santa has magic portals in every mall in the world.
11:55 They appear every night after business hours,
11:57 but only until 9 a.m. the day before Christmas.
12:00 So we have 20 minutes.
12:01 Why didn't you tell us this before?
12:03 Were you not paying attention two seconds ago
12:06 when Dongle told you drama is the spice of life?
12:09 (groans)
12:18 So this is where all of Christmas comes from?
12:23 You bet. We got Jingly Jangly over there
12:26 doing wrapping paper design.
12:28 Ribbon testing with Tiffy Taffy Sloppy.
12:30 Okay, okay, that one is good.
12:32 La La Duda and Diddly Doo
12:34 write all the best Christmas carols.
12:36 What kind of nog house opened my garbage is that?
12:39 You wouldn't know a hit if it not your tooth!
12:42 (groans)
12:43 And of course, toy making with me, Poopy Doopy,
12:47 filling in for Dongle.
12:48 I admire your skill.
12:50 Why, thank you.
12:51 But I can't help noticing
12:53 all the inefficiencies in your systems.
12:55 What do you mean?
12:56 I notice you make all your gingerbread
12:59 from the eggs of a single goose.
13:01 (goose squawks)
13:02 That's not just a goose, silly.
13:04 She's Ginger the Ginger Goose.
13:06 Sure, and dare I ask a follow-up?
13:09 Why have those elves been rubbing gumdrops
13:11 on the egg for two straight hours?
13:13 To make it the best gingerbread
13:15 in the whole wonderful world.
13:17 Dubious claim. Try this.
13:19 Mmm!
13:21 This is really good.
13:23 What's the secret?
13:24 It's made with store-bought chicken eggs
13:26 and has been stuffed in my pocket since yesterday.
13:29 (chewing)
13:31 (all chattering)
13:33 You guys get it now?
13:34 We need to put all our gingerbread
13:36 in your pocket for two days.
13:38 No! My point is efficiency!
13:40 You can't mess up gingerbread.
13:42 You just crack some eggs into some batter.
13:45 Why does this goose even have a job, am I right, Ginger?
13:48 (goose squawks)
13:49 All right, what else needs fixing around here?
13:52 (sizzling)
13:54 And here you're watching paint dry?
14:02 I thought you were on a deadline.
14:04 We take pride in our wrapping paper.
14:06 Just to be torn open at the crack of dawn?
14:08 Ugh, you're wasting time.
14:10 But this is the way that we've always done things.
14:12 Not anymore!
14:14 (alarm blaring)
14:15 (gasps)
14:16 Boom! Efficiency!
14:18 Hit me with another one.
14:20 Carol writers, right?
14:22 Supposed to be, but Diddly Doo overdid it
14:25 on the milk and cookies again.
14:28 Well, excuse me, Mother.
14:30 Do you ever feel like working?
14:32 We'll work when I tell you!
14:34 Ha! If I can make a suggestion...
14:36 Oh!
14:37 Don't mess with our creative process!
14:39 You've got the knowledge of our language!
14:41 You know, I want to know how to do my hand!
14:43 You know what? They're fine.
14:45 What else you got?
14:47 Hmm...
14:49 I'm not laughing. Toss it.
14:51 Spin me up on this nonsense.
14:55 Everyone knows ribbon is no good if it doesn't tickle me.
14:58 I don't think that's true.
15:00 Oh, but it is.
15:01 No, it's not.
15:02 Pretty sure it is.
15:04 (all gasp)
15:10 He's a genius.
15:12 Could it be?
15:13 Everything we've been doing has been wrong?
15:15 No telling, but yes.
15:17 Please walk with me.
15:19 A walk and talk?
15:21 You people are really getting the hang of this efficiency thing.
15:23 You're telling me.
15:24 You've only been here an hour,
15:25 and already our productivity is up 20%.
15:28 We might actually get a nog break before Santa leaves!
15:32 Why settle for nog breaks?
15:34 Imagine what else you could have!
15:36 Computers for naughty nice cross-reference.
15:39 Industrial ovens for mass gingerbread baking.
15:42 Break rooms full of gumdrop delights.
15:45 And of course, mahogany crafter's lamps.
15:48 Yes! To ward off snow monsters!
15:51 Mahogany lamps ward off snow monsters?
15:53 Mahogany does.
15:54 Weird. I was just trying to class up the joint.
15:56 In that case, we should redo this entire floor in mahogany.
16:00 Mahogany? No. Why?
16:03 (sobbing)
16:04 (all screaming)
16:06 It would surely help Christmas cheer
16:08 if no one was eaten by a snow monster this season.
16:10 Now, these reforms will take a good deal of up-front investment.
16:13 What's your cash on hand?
16:15 $50 trillion holly berries!
16:18 In dollars?
16:19 Seven.
16:20 Okay. We need to raise revenue.
16:22 How much do you charge for a kid to get on the nice list?
16:24 The only charge is being the best kid you can be--
16:27 Uh-uh. You silly willies are practically
16:29 feeding cold, hard cash to the reindeer.
16:32 But it's always been free.
16:34 And your boss always wears a bright red suit to a home invasion.
16:38 Tradition's a dumb reason to do anything.
16:40 You're running a fossilized business
16:42 that's stalled out way below its potential,
16:44 and it's killing my soul.
16:46 But good news, you've got me.
16:49 Deporto!
16:51 What? Yes! Hurry up, let's go!
16:54 Unmade toys. Don't do this, guy!
16:57 (all grunting)
16:58 No!
17:00 You had to stop at the snack cart.
17:02 I'm pulling double duty here.
17:04 I have to rescue my brother and keep my family traditions
17:06 from dying horribly of neglect.
17:08 Stop being so dramatic.
17:10 There has to be a simple solution.
17:12 Yes, I would like four plane tickets to the North Pole.
17:16 Great. Does anyone have $11,000?
17:19 I have 700 holly berries.
17:21 And a bye winter hat.
17:23 I only have 10K5 honey.
17:26 So close!
17:28 (all groaning)
17:30 Look! Super speedy delivery.
17:33 Sent letters and packages guarantee delivery
17:35 to the North Pole before midnight?
17:37 That's it! Yeah!
17:38 We just follow the next delivery truck to the airport,
17:41 sneak on board a passenger jet disguised as food service workers,
17:44 and when the crew asks, "Is that a low-fat meal?"
17:46 I go, "No, it's a high-fist meal!"
17:48 (grunting)
17:49 Double thumpers into a roundhouse kick!
17:51 We've clocked two and they're both on the ground
17:53 because I'm so good at kicking.
17:54 But we can't control the cockpit
17:56 until we defeat six crooked co-pilots,
17:58 each trained in a different and deadlier martial art.
18:01 My plan was better.
18:03 Watch your elbows, Jimbo!
18:05 Dongle, don't eat all my snacks!
18:07 Dongle is not eating anything.
18:09 (all talking at once)
18:12 (all talking at once)
18:15 Let's start Scooter on the $50 nice package.
18:18 See? Isn't everything more beautiful when it's profitable?
18:21 This makes me feel yucky,
18:23 like a sticky candy cane that fell on a barbershop floor.
18:26 Oh, just remember,
18:28 you're helping to finance more efficient toy making.
18:30 Things are looking up for your compensation packages.
18:32 We're going to get even more Christmas cheer?
18:35 You get paid in Christmas cheer?
18:37 (laughing)
18:38 I wish!
18:39 We get paid in Twinkly Smiles,
18:41 which can be exchanged for Christmas cheer.
18:43 You have to trade in at the Santa shop, though,
18:46 and they're only open for a half hour on Thursdays,
18:49 unless you send your smiles by Penguin Messenger,
18:51 which could take four to 12 months!
18:53 What kind of hustle is this maniac Santa running on you?
18:56 We love Santa! We're like a family business!
18:59 Are you? Because I know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
19:03 and all those reindeer do for 364 days a year
19:05 is eat grass and poop.
19:07 You elves do nearly all the work,
19:09 and I couldn't name a single one of you.
19:11 Except you, dookie poops.
19:12 Poopy doopy.
19:13 Forget how things have always been done.
19:15 What do you deserve right now?
19:18 I would like a little recognition.
19:21 (all talking at once)
19:24 (all talking at once)
19:26 Last delivery for the season.
19:28 Put it there, right next to the gigantic pile of letters.
19:32 Merry Chri--
19:34 I think we're here.
19:35 Good, because Dongle is hungry,
19:37 even though Dongle did not eat all the snacks.
19:39 (all groaning)
19:41 Uh, you want letters to Santa?
19:43 I'm disappointed, but I like feeling disappointed,
19:46 so mixed bag.
19:48 Remove your funeral suit, sad vampire.
19:51 Dongle is here!
19:53 Is this the North Pole?
19:55 North Pole!
19:57 Yay! We're here!
19:58 It says "North Pole."
20:00 You left out the "R."
20:01 At least I didn't write it backwards.
20:03 We could have ended up in a lapitron.
20:06 This is the North Pole?
20:08 I'm the North Pole. That's my name.
20:10 I changed it so all the letters to Santa
20:13 with that specifically misspelled word come to me.
20:16 It's thrilling.
20:17 That's, um, a weird thing to be excited about.
20:21 Why?
20:22 This is a pile of hopes and dreams
20:24 I can sell to collectors for a lot of money.
20:27 We need to get to the North Pole,
20:29 and we need to get there quick. Is that possible?
20:31 It's a 30-minute chartered jet ride.
20:33 I can make that happen.
20:35 I can make anything happen.
20:37 I'm North Pole. Yay!
20:39 But I won't. I don't really feel like it.
20:42 Don't touch my pile.
20:44 Dongle touched nothing.
20:45 These letters go for a fortune
20:47 in Tokyo subway vending machines,
20:48 along with gum chewed by politicians,
20:50 industrial blueprints from mobile home manufacturers.
20:53 Wait. What happens with the kids who wrote the letters?
20:56 Not much.
20:57 They just don't get what they want for Christmas.
20:59 What? That's horrible.
21:01 No, I think you missed it.
21:03 I get money.
21:05 Making money off of Christmas?
21:07 That's crazy.
21:09 ( laughing )
21:11 Thank you, boy.
21:18 Your shouted words have inspired me to change.
21:22 Yay! It's a Christmas miracle!
21:24 My business model.
21:26 When Santa doesn't deliver and the children weep,
21:29 parents will do anything to get them their toys,
21:32 even buy them from me at a huge mark-up.
21:35 Don't you dare use my ideas for evil.
21:37 Did you turn my letters into a nutcracker in, like, ten seconds?
21:41 No.
21:42 No. Him.
21:44 Five seconds.
21:45 Ten is for lazy toy makers who are not Dongle.
21:49 I like his style.
21:51 I've devised a deal.
21:53 I'll charter that flight to the North Pole,
21:55 but Dongle stays with me to make 10,000 toys for profit.
22:00 What? No, we're not leaving Dongle.
22:02 Go save your brother with a handsome face
22:04 that would look better wearing glasses.
22:06 Dongle will catch up.
22:07 You're sure?
22:08 Merry Christmas.
22:09 You press that button, Dongle will get you out of any jam.
22:13 Mostly toy-building jams.
22:15 That will be where they put the niece of most use.
22:17 Thank you, Dongle.
22:19 Okay, good. This hug is done.
22:20 Oh, my gosh, I'm going to the North Pole!
22:22 How do you handle the excitement of being at the actual real North Pole?
22:25 You don't.
22:27 It looks like Baby Corp.
22:34 But Christmas-y-er.
22:36 Let's go over the plan again.
22:38 Me and Tim look for Boss.
22:39 I'll find what they're using to jam our choopy transport tech
22:42 and smash it!
22:44 Got that, Tim?
22:46 I'm at the North Pole!
22:49 Can you keep it together?
22:51 No!
22:52 Oh, my gosh, I'm actually in Santa Town!
22:54 I'm going to...
22:55 Um...
22:56 Hello?
22:58 Anyone home?
22:59 Anyone making toys?
23:01 Anyone Santa?
23:03 It's gingerbread!
23:05 Jimbo, don't eat the toy factory!
23:08 Dang, break me off some of that wall.
23:12 Stop chewing!
23:13 I think I hear some actual North Pole Christmas cheer.
23:16 Santa said, "Thanks, tippy-tappy-slappy."
23:19 But I'm not tippy-tappy-slappy.
23:21 I'm tippy-tappy-sloppy!
23:23 (cheering)
23:25 Ugh, breaks my heart.
23:28 Who's got another complaint about Santa's mismanagement?
23:32 There's the boss!
23:34 Hi!
23:36 We should have suggestion boxes, but we don't.
23:39 So how do we suggest we get one?
23:41 What did you do?
23:43 Uh, good to see you, too.
23:44 What's all the fun and jolly toy making?
23:46 This is supposed to be Santa's toy factory.
23:48 Really? 'Cause it's Santa who clocks in?
23:51 Santa who carves the horsies?
23:53 You see Santa spring-loading the jack-in-the-boxes?
23:55 You're messing with Christmas!
23:57 It was already a mess. I'm just helping clean it up.
23:59 Christmas is perfect!
24:01 Everyone loves Santa and his elves.
24:03 (clears throat)
24:04 So sorry to interrupt.
24:06 Couple of us were just trying to recall Santa's nicknames,
24:09 but couldn't remember any.
24:10 Think you can help us out?
24:12 Santa, Santa Claus, Saint Nick,
24:14 Kris Kringle, Father Christmas...
24:16 Cool, cool. Now, name an elf.
24:18 What?
24:19 You said everyone loves Santa and his elves.
24:22 You know every single one of Santa's nicknames.
24:25 Surely you know just one of our names.
24:28 Uh...
24:31 Blitzen?
24:32 Blitzen?
24:33 Blitzen?!
24:34 Kids confusing us with those antlered stink-horses?!
24:38 Oh, you're done, dude.
24:41 I'm done being a nameless cog in the Christmas wheel,
24:44 a wheel we probably made.
24:47 Gah!
24:48 Santa's factory!
24:50 Ha! This is our factory!
24:52 Yeah!
24:53 (cheering)
25:02 (grunts)
25:06 (cheering)
25:09 Santa?
25:11 (panting)
25:12 How long have you been...
25:14 What did you hear?
25:16 Enough.
25:18 All I wanted was to make everyone happy.
25:21 Well, you sure blew that!
25:24 Yeah!
25:25 (cheering)
25:28 We should get better at this!
25:31 You're right.
25:32 I hope I can do better next year.
25:35 (gasps)
25:39 That's a naughty list!
25:42 Santa!
25:45 There he is! On a sleigh!
25:48 I can't believe it!
25:49 I know!
25:50 He teleported to a sleigh that would have taken him like two minutes to walk to.
25:54 Explains the, uh...
25:55 No, I can't believe he's gone!
25:57 Santa can't go on the naughty list.
25:59 He's Santa!
26:00 Why does it feel like a man cave on Mother's Day in here?
26:03 A reorg like this usually takes weeks.
26:05 We should be celebrating!
26:07 (grunting)
26:10 (grunting)
26:13 (grunting)
26:16 (grunting)
26:18 We had a misunderstanding.
26:23 Got the choopies working?
26:24 Less yet.
26:25 And look at that.
26:27 There's still time to play fruitcake lacrosse.
26:29 Yeah, I knew it was one of those boarding school sports.
26:32 What about Santa?
26:33 And what's going to happen with Christmas?
26:35 These elves got it covered.
26:37 Uh... not really.
26:40 This was about getting recognition for making the toys.
26:42 Delivering them.
26:43 That's Santa's thing.
26:44 'Cause, you know, the sleigh.
26:47 This isn't a Santa problem.
26:48 It's a simple logistics problem.
26:50 Stacy, call in the paper pushers.
26:52 Simmons, Hendershot, on my location.
26:55 Is this the secret Christmas party?
26:57 Bring on the nog!
26:59 Nog! Nog! Nog!
27:00 I got something better than nog.
27:02 We're going to solve Christmas toy delivery logistics.
27:06 Oh, yeah!
27:09 One fire dog coming up.
27:14 (gasps)
27:16 This stump taken?
27:17 Santa, why are you here?
27:19 (gasps)
27:20 Is this about the naughty list?
27:22 That snowball to the kisser should have sealed the deal.
27:25 (grunts)
27:27 No one is questioning your naughtiness.
27:32 Or mine.
27:33 Whoa!
27:34 You finally made the jump?
27:36 Danny Petroski, you've been on my naughty list
27:39 since you were old enough to pass gas at will.
27:42 (whining)
27:44 Continue.
27:45 I joined the list 20 minutes ago, and I feel like crud.
27:48 But here you are, happy as a clam,
27:50 roasting hot dogs on a fire.
27:52 Is that last year's bundle of coal?
27:55 (slurps)
27:56 Doesn't that taste like...
27:58 West Virginia?
27:59 Oh, yeah.
28:01 So, how do we live with ourselves when we've been so naughty?
28:06 Papa Noel, I'm glad you asked.
28:09 (whining)
28:11 (screams)
28:13 First, get rid of this idea that naughtiness is bad.
28:16 Naughty living is very healthy and very normal.
28:20 What? You just...
28:22 Got my veggies in the naughtiest possible way.
28:25 Nice needs naughtiness, like night needs day
28:28 and turtles need shells to hide their eyes during scary movies.
28:32 Give a naughty man a hot dog, and he'll have a hot dog.
28:36 But teach a naughty man to hot dog,
28:39 and he'll have a ton of hot dogs.
28:42 Oh, my earlobe!
28:43 And don't forget, every Christmas morning,
28:45 naughty kids wake up to a lump of coal,
28:48 which is basically dead dinosaurs.
28:50 So while nice kids play with toys...
28:53 (roaring)
28:54 We're playing with dead dinosaurs!
28:57 And that's rad!
28:59 Approaching target.
29:03 Open flaps.
29:04 Opening flaps.
29:06 And release!
29:07 (tires screech)
29:08 (cheering)
29:14 Yes, Templeton?
29:17 What the heck makes you think you can do Christmas without Santa?
29:20 Uh, the fact that we are.
29:22 Let's get some industrial fans in here.
29:24 Want to make sure she can handle monsoon season in the South Pacific.
29:27 (tires screech)
29:28 This isn't the same.
29:29 You need magic and wonder.
29:31 Otherwise, Christmas is just a bonus birthday, but with a treat.
29:34 Yes, but you will get a lot of toys.
29:36 Toys! Toys! Toys!
29:38 There's more to Christmas than toys.
29:40 It's about how awesome it is to see Santa-sized boot marks on the snowy roofs.
29:44 See if we can fake the boot marks. On it, boss!
29:46 It's seeing all the cookies left for Santa are gone.
29:49 Except for the half-eaten one.
29:50 So kids can pick it up and be like, "Santa's teeth touched this."
29:53 You're holding on to Christmas past, Templeton.
29:56 This is Christmas future.
29:58 Satisfaction guaranteed.
30:00 (chicken clucking)
30:03 All sales final.
30:05 (goose squawks)
30:06 Ah, silly ginger goose.
30:08 Hello, animal that is not a dog.
30:10 Dongle! Where have you been?
30:12 The usual. Living the most incredible life.
30:15 Who's your friend?
30:16 My chisel is my friend. My sander is my confidant.
30:20 This one gave me a ride.
30:22 We are not friends. We are also not enemies.
30:24 We are next to each other. Any more questions?
30:27 Yeah. Where are my holly berries?
30:30 No more questions from you.
30:31 But one from Dongle.
30:33 Where is the big man?
30:35 Uh...
30:37 This is all wrong.
30:41 Your fellow elves fighting for the recognition they deserve is wrong?
30:45 No. If anyone loves recognition, it's Dongle.
30:48 You are Dongle. I recognize you.
30:53 Santa does more than bring toys Dongle makes.
30:56 He brings people together, makes people feel good.
30:59 Told you.
31:00 Tch. The world is changing.
31:02 It's high time Christmas catches up.
31:04 How you go to sleep at night?
31:06 Guilt isn't gonna work on me.
31:07 Does Dongle look like a disappointed grandmother?
31:10 Simple question. How you go to sleep?
31:12 Like every other hard-working baby American.
31:15 Tucked into a firm swaddle with a belly full of milk
31:18 and a night-night kiss from mommy and/or daddy.
31:20 Night-night kiss is unnecessary, no?
31:23 You are tired, you fall, you swaddle, you fall asleep no matter what.
31:27 I don't need the night-night kiss, but I liked--
31:30 Oh, you led me right into that.
31:32 Christmas without Santa is like bedtime without night-night kiss.
31:37 No one wants that.
31:39 Fine. You're all big elves. You want Santa back? Go get him.
31:45 No. You go.
31:46 No chance. Why me?
31:48 Because from what you tell Dongle,
31:50 the Christmas man, he left in bad shape.
31:53 Hollow on the inside, like a grocery store chocolate nutcracker.
31:58 He asks himself, "Who am I anymore?"
32:02 Yee-haw! Ho-ho!
32:05 You break a Santa, you got to fix a Santa.
32:10 And when you break a Santa this bad,
32:14 only one thing can put his heart back together.
32:18 Seeing a bah-humbug stinker like you find the Christmas spirit,
32:22 you will go get Santa.
32:24 And what happens if I don't?
32:26 Singing.
32:28 Uh, excuse me?
32:29 Hit it!
32:30 He's vicious. He's twisted. He's boss, baby.
32:36 ♪ The baby that ruined, the baby that ruined, the baby that ruined Christmas ♪
32:42 Ooh, catchy hook.
32:44 Yeah. Throw in some verses and a bridge,
32:47 and I bet we could get the whole world singing this.
32:50 Please don't.
32:52 ♪ He came to the North Pole and started bussin' ♪
32:55 ♪ Made Santa cry with all his cussin' ♪
32:58 ♪ He took Father Christmas all sweet and lovin' ♪
33:00 ♪ And showed him just where he could shove it ♪
33:04 ♪ He's vicious. He's twisted. He's boss, baby ♪
33:11 ♪ The baby that ruined, the baby that ruined, the baby that ruined Christmas ♪
33:17 This song makes me want to dance.
33:19 And get rid of our Christmas-ruining baby.
33:22 ♪ On Christmas morn, all the kids did weep ♪
33:25 ♪ For not a single toy lay beneath their feet ♪
33:28 ♪ And just in case you forgot his name ♪
33:33 ♪ The baby who we all should blame ♪
33:36 ♪ Did old Leslie Templeton shame, shame, shame ♪
33:41 ♪ Christmas burned down and he lit the flame ♪
33:46 I love this song. It makes me cry.
33:49 ♪ He's vicious. He's twisted. He's boss, baby ♪
33:54 ♪ The baby that ruined, the baby that ruined, the baby that ruined Christmas ♪
34:03 Fine. Promise me that song never leaves this room and I'll go get him.
34:11 But we still have a problem.
34:13 I said I'd get him! But I don't know where he is.
34:16 I can find him. I'm the North Pole.
34:20 He gives me creepy motel check-in vibes.
34:23 Can you really find Santa?
34:25 Yes, for a price. I want the letters to Santa. All of them.
34:31 No way! Santa needs those. That's how he knows what every kid wants.
34:35 Oh, you know I'd love to help, but I'm memorizing children's letters.
34:39 If I don't get the request locked down into my noggin, it'll take me weeks to deliver the gifts.
34:45 It's a deal. You can have every single letter.
34:47 What?!
34:49 That's it. Every letter.
34:53 We did our part. You do yours.
34:56 The smiling red one lurks at the mall in your hometown.
35:02 I'll remember none of you.
35:05 Go!
35:07 I can't help it! One more time. Two, three, four!
35:12 The baby that ruined, the baby that ruined, the baby that ruined Christmas!
35:17 Ron! You here?
35:21 Yo, Ronnie!
35:23 Santa!
35:26 All right, time to go.
35:31 Boss Baby?
35:32 But if someone like you would come for me, that means that it's never too late to change things.
35:40 There's no amount of naughtiness the Christmas spirit can't--
35:43 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Gonna cut you off before you embarrass yourself worse than that outfit already does.
35:48 I'm only here because if I don't bring you back, two pint-sized hitmakers are gonna smear my good name all over the Top 40.
35:54 Diddly-doo and La-la-dooda? I thought the elves were all mad at me because of how naughty I've been.
36:00 You're not naughty. Just stuck in your ways.
36:04 And grossly inefficient. How much are you paying in annual reindeer maintenance for one night of operational use? Can't you lease?
36:11 But for reasons beyond me, the elves want you back for Christmas.
36:16 And what about you?
36:18 What?
36:19 What do you want for Christmas?
36:21 No.
36:25 No!
36:29 Hey, man, I'm stuck in my ways. You want something from Santa, you gotta ask. I don't make the rules.
36:35 You absolutely make the ru--
36:37 Uh, fine.
36:39 I got it. I got it.
36:43 For Christmas, I'd like you to come back to the North Pole.
36:47 What's that, little boy?
36:48 For Christmas, I'd like you to come back to the North Pole.
36:52 Santa can do that for you.
36:57 I think we just had a Christmas spirit breakthrough.
37:01 Is this what it feels like?
37:03 I also want a tie clip. A gold one with wings on it. Oh, and one of those electric shoe polishers you see in golf club locker rooms. And gift cards.
37:11 Everybody says they're tacky, but it's like plastic money.
37:14 So that's what the Christmas spirit is. Asking for things you don't need and don't have time to get.
37:20 No.
37:21 Well, hey, you tried.
37:25 Ho, ho, ho!
37:27 You have the worst catchphrase.
37:31 Yeah? What's yours?
37:33 Oh, I guess for a while I was trying to make fart poop duty work, but... Ugh, do your dumb laugh.
37:39 Ho, ho, ho!
37:41 Looks like you've been busy.
37:47 Santa, I'm so sorry. Even though it was mostly everyone else who messed with all the delivery stuff.
37:51 I like it.
37:52 I helped.
37:53 Ahem.
37:55 Dongle! It's jolly to see you.
37:58 Dongle is a comforting presence. A gift from all of us. But don't worry, Dongle made it.
38:05 A baby corp monitor. Um...
38:09 Press the talkie button.
38:11 I'm baby corp. I'm incompetent.
38:14 Ho, ho, ho!
38:17 First rule of business, I'm dumb. Second rule, I forgot because I'm dumb.
38:24 Look at the bottom.
38:32 Dongle. Now we put our names on everything, so the children know why they weep with joy when they get the Dongle toy.
38:40 It's not the way things have always been done, but...
38:44 If the way things are always done leaves people unhappy, who needs it?
38:49 It's perfect. I'm sorry I didn't think of this years ago.
39:01 Does anyone know if this is edible?
39:03 It's that late?
39:05 It's not edible!
39:06 We don't have enough time!
39:08 What have I done? I'm never gonna get all these presents out tonight!
39:11 Ugh. Is this guy's name Santa or Canta?
39:15 Efficiency Ron, you still got those gifts memorized?
39:18 Do I? Twerkaffage, Tim wants Canadian action figure in jacuzzi.
39:23 He's got 'em all right.
39:25 Elves, baby corp, let's Christmas.
39:31 It's like, let's do this, but...
39:34 We got it. We just don't like it.
39:36 Let's Christmas!
39:39 Yeah!
39:41 Ho, ho, ho!
39:47 Release!
39:50 Toy!
39:57 Toys for toy time!
40:00 (upbeat music)
40:02 I'd like your most expensive pinky ring.
40:15 Let's just say I've got enough letters to fill vending machines from Miyazaki to Hokkaido.
40:21 What?
40:22 No, no, no.
40:25 Deer Knoth, stop selling letters. It's not nice.
40:29 Here's a present anyway. Love, Tim.
40:31 The scary broken toy I always wanted as a kid but never got.
40:38 Mom? Dad?
40:41 It's Kyle.
40:42 A Tim speed boat that goes from ding dong dong!
40:45 And it's made from what?
40:47 A Jim Legend made it from a nose.
40:49 A baseball mitt!
40:51 And tippy-tappy sloppy the elf made it!
40:55 Lucky the kids got mom's genetics 'cause dad is one big pile of yikes.
41:00 Santa?
41:01 A yo-yo!
41:04 Made by... Poopy Doopy the elf?
41:08 Thank you, Santa and Poopy Doopy!
41:10 I love it and promise to share with everyone!
41:14 How do we get past the kid?
41:16 You sick Saint Nick.
41:23 I can't believe I just delivered presents with Santa!
41:26 Every last one.
41:28 Free of charge.
41:30 Oh, please, I helped.
41:32 Doesn't mean I'm going to dump my portfolio and move to a commune.
41:35 Thank you, Santa.
41:37 Merry Christmas.
41:39 So, what lame teachable gift that's supposed to sum up this whole experience do you have for me?
41:47 Santa?
41:49 Hello?
41:50 Santa? Hello? Nothing?
41:53 Don't you want me to get the Christmas spirit--
41:55 Ow!
41:56 Ho, ho, ho.
41:58 They call me MC Christmas.
42:03 The C also stands for Christmas.
42:05 Ted, it's Christmas morning!
42:08 We forgot to make the snack lays.
42:10 We're going to starve during fruit take hockey!
42:13 We're going to ruin our sweet little guy's first traditional Templeton Christmas experience!
42:18 What if he isn't really into the traditional Templeton Christmas?
42:21 They're family traditions, and our family's different now.
42:25 If the way we always do things makes one of us unhappy, let's do different things.
42:30 I could come up with some new ideas.
42:35 Family brainstorm! What are some fun words that rhyme with wreath?
42:39 But Santa gave me snack lays, so this tradition is back on!
42:42 Fruitcake hockey in the driveway!
42:44 We'll get the sticks!
42:46 Baby in sofa cushions!
42:47 Your mom plays violent!
42:49 I'll talk them out of that one.
42:53 You don't have to throw out every tradition for me.
42:56 You're going to do fruitcake hockey in snack lays?
42:58 This wearable joking hazard? No, not a chance.
43:01 But I will play your holiday dessert Canadian stick game.
43:04 You will?
43:05 It's nonsense, but it can't be all bad if it brings people together and gets you all smiley and stuff.
43:11 Just like Santa!
43:13 I guess. I mean, if you squint and don't think about it.
43:16 No! Feeling Christmas spirits!
43:19 I got a sock full of dead dinosaurs!
43:30 Merry Christmas to all!
43:33 The end.
43:35 That was in no way a make us fall asleep story.
43:39 I have so many questions!
43:41 Yeah! Wasn't your whole set up about why we should do goofy traditions even if we don't want to?
43:46 Because you totally bailed on that with your brother.
43:48 But then he did some, but not others.
43:50 What's the takeaway here, man?
43:52 I don't know. You want easy lessons? Go to kindergarten.
43:54 Can I?
43:55 Not until you're five. Go to sleep.
43:57 Five? I can't wait!
43:59 That Pandora's box of moral ambiguity!
44:01 I promise to be real good and not make fun of the cappie bars.
44:03 They're so fast!
44:04 You grew up big and weird.
44:09 [♪♪♪]
44:11 [COUGHING]
44:17 Okay. All done. Dongle kill kids.
44:20 Very funny. Fool me once, shame on you.
44:23 Fool me twice--
44:24 Dongle is serious. The big one deserved it.
44:27 She stopped feeding the Christmas panda and it died.
44:30 What?
44:31 [LAUGHING]
44:33 Dongle tricked you again for drama!
44:36 You are welcome for the spice of life.
44:39 Merry Christmas.
44:40 Merry Christmas.
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