Mr. Birchum attempts to navigate a world he doesn't comprehend. He's confused by his gaming streamer son, Eddie, annoyed | dHNfZ2RCT0RTeDhHTVk
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TVTranscript
00:00 (dramatic music)
00:01 - Just tell me what you need.
00:02 - Jumping in the first one?
00:03 Rolling, speed, action.
00:05 - Saw Buck's looking a little chubby-wubby,
00:07 so I bought him some new food.
00:09 It's organic and vegan.
00:11 - Dogs are supposed to eat meat.
00:13 They're descendants of wolves.
00:15 You ever see a vegan wolf on the Nature Channel?
00:18 I'm a vegan.
00:19 (dog growling)
00:21 - Coffee is for closers, ladies.
00:23 Listen up!
00:24 - Hey, don't make this a prison hug.
00:25 - Don't do anything stupid, earthen last year.
00:28 - I'm a heteronormative, cisgendered, white male,
00:32 for which I apologize.
00:34 - I'm black, and that used to be enough,
00:36 but I'm also bilingual, and I'm non-binary.
00:39 - We're the army!
00:40 We drink more before 9 a.m.
00:42 than you Navy pukes do all day.
00:43 - He rubbed all the fur off his emotional support ferret.
00:46 The damn thing looked like a four-legged penis!
00:49 (dramatic music)
00:52 - Charity and work, two words that should never go together.
00:58 Like women and opinions.
01:00 - I want a burly man.
01:01 They're salty and make me dizzy.
01:02 - Sorry, just need to find a thingy
01:04 to fix my gaming chair.
01:06 - When I was on the construction site,
01:07 my chair was a five-gallon bucket.
01:10 It was also my toilet.
01:12 (laughing)
01:14 - Hey, I'm done.
01:17 I'm going back to bed.
01:18 Thanks a lot.
01:19 (laughing)
01:22 you