Steve Harvey Show : Do Not Duplicate
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00 -Morning, all. Sorry I'm late.
00:02 The traffic was just terrible coming from my apartment.
00:05 -Don't even try to front boss lady.
00:09 We can't spend the night at Steve's.
00:11 -Yeah. We saw you duck behind
00:13 the navigator this morning in the parking structure.
00:16 -Guys, that is ridiculous. I was at my place.
00:20 You must have me confused with somebody else.
00:23 -Mm.
00:25 -Hey, baby.
00:26 Find this car next to Wilson's navigator and call for me.
00:31 [ Laughter ]
00:33 [ Laughter ]
00:37 ♪♪
00:45 ♪♪
00:53 ♪♪
01:01 ♪♪
01:07 ♪♪
01:10 -Hello, Lovita.
01:13 Good morning, unborn Robinson.
01:16 Hey, is Regina back from lunch yet?
01:18 -Nah, she went to the school board to raise hell
01:20 about a literacy teen pregnancy something.
01:23 I wasn't paying attention.
01:25 -Good. Come here for a minute.
01:27 Got something to show you.
01:29 Check this out. Got a little bling-bling for Regina.
01:32 Ha-ha! What you found, huh?
01:36 -An I.D. bracelet? -Uh-huh.
01:39 -Wow, Steve, did you get this
01:40 with the money from your paper route?
01:43 -Wait a minute.
01:44 That I.D. bracelet is a symbol of my commitment to Regina.
01:50 And that bracelet is not cheap.
01:53 I got it from a very fine jewelry store
01:55 where the only other brother in there was the security guard.
01:59 [ Laughter ]
02:01 -Well, Steve, if you really want to show Boss Lady
02:04 how committed you are,
02:05 you need to give her a key to your apartment.
02:07 [ Laughter ]
02:11 -Key to my apartment?
02:15 That's a pretty big step right there.
02:16 What if she ain't ready for that?
02:19 -All right, then, don't listen to me.
02:21 I'm only the person that got you two together.
02:23 [ Laughter ]
02:28 -So you really think that'd be the right thing to do?
02:30 -I know it's the right thing to do,
02:32 and you need to listen to me.
02:33 'Cause if it wasn't for me,
02:35 you'd be wearing those tire surgical scrubs
02:37 down at the happy hour.
02:38 Faked out the high tower.
02:40 -Oh, Arthur, you are such a cut-out.
02:44 Tell me that joke again.
02:46 -What did the proton say to the neutron?
02:49 "Let's split."
02:50 [ Laughter ]
02:55 -Oh, Arthur, handsome, funny, and smart.
02:59 Lydia Liza Goodman is the luckiest girl in the world.
03:03 -Well, I can't argue with smart.
03:05 I did get a 96 on my chemistry test.
03:07 It was so easy.
03:09 -Yeah, I know.
03:10 I got 100, and I didn't even study at all.
03:14 -You got 100?
03:16 You got that question about the basic carbon chain?
03:18 -Yes, C6H12O6.
03:21 Who doesn't know that?
03:23 -I didn't.
03:24 -I'll show you my notes later.
03:26 -That's okay, Lydia. I got to get to calculus.
03:29 -Oh, okay, Arthur.
03:31 [ Whistles ]
03:32 [ Laughter ]
03:38 -Hey, Lydia, where's your dorky lover running off to?
03:41 -I don't know.
03:43 Everything was fine until I told him
03:45 I did better than him on a chemistry test.
03:47 -Oh, big mistake, Lydia.
03:48 A smart chicken head doesn't show up her man.
03:51 The only thing Arthur's got going for him is his brains.
03:54 You take that away, and all he's got is a squeaky voice
03:57 and his pinky-in-the-brain lunchbox.
04:01 -So I'm supposed to act dumb just to make Arthur like me?
04:05 Couldn't I just put out?
04:09 -Always works for me.
04:11 But we talking about Arthur.
04:13 -I don't know, Romeo.
04:14 I always say when it comes to the opposite sex,
04:17 you should always be yourself.
04:19 That's what I do, and my last date was with my cousin.
04:25 -All right, listen, Romeo.
04:28 ♪♪
04:31 -LeVar, I'm telling you, Levita is having a girl.
04:35 She better be having a girl,
04:36 'cause I just bought a whole bunch of pink stuff
04:38 on sale, can't take it back.
04:41 -Mm-mm, mm-mm. Levita having a boy.
04:44 Look how high she carrying.
04:46 -That's a basketball player in the air.
04:49 -Would y'all two quit talking about me
04:50 like I'm not in the room?
04:51 -We know you in the room.
04:53 You pretty hard to miss.
04:55 [ Laughter ]
04:59 -Hey. -Oh, look, I didn't mean
05:01 to interrupt your get-together.
05:03 I'll just go to the bedroom and watch the Bulls game.
05:05 I taped it. -Ugh, don't bother.
05:07 They lost.
05:10 -Thank you, LeVar.
05:13 -Oh, good, and I said that you could stay out here
05:14 with me and the girls.
05:15 Could you order us a pizza?
05:17 I would like anchovies and banana slices.
05:22 -Mm, that sound good.
05:26 -Look, ladies, save your money,
05:29 because Chef Cedric will whip up a little something for you.
05:32 How about some nachos and a pitcher of margaritas?
05:35 -Oh, look at you.
05:37 I am scared of you, Cedric.
05:40 -Only cooking my man be doing is in the bedroom.
05:43 -Well, at least he ain't ordering out,
05:45 if you know what I'm talking about.
05:47 [ Laughter ]
05:51 -Yeah, at least he not loading up at the Sali-Bar, okay?
05:55 Okay? [ Crying ]
05:58 [ Laughter ]
06:01 So, um, Cedric, show us how you make them nachos.
06:07 -Look, the secret to nachos is two types of Doritos,
06:13 three types of cheeses, and Baco Bits.
06:16 [ Laughter ]
06:20 ♪♪
06:24 -Okay, listen up, everybody.
06:25 Today, we're gonna be playing "Who Wants to Be a Music Mogul?"
06:29 We're gonna start with a sample question right here.
06:32 What American music form is the root of rock and roll?
06:35 -Oh, I know, I know.
06:37 Keep the IQ on the DL.
06:40 -Okay, Lydia.
06:41 -Um, gee, Mr. Hightower, I guess I forgot.
06:47 -I know the answer, Mr. Hightower.
06:49 It's the blues.
06:50 My Uncle Seymour is B.B. King's lawyer.
06:52 [ Laughter ]
06:56 -That's very good, Arthur.
06:57 Okay, Lydia, here, try this one.
07:00 Where is the birthplace of jazz?
07:04 -Ah, is it...
07:07 Whoville?
07:08 [ Laughter ]
07:12 -Well, is it?!
07:13 [ Laughter ]
07:20 -Music is so hard.
07:22 I bet Arthur knows.
07:24 He's so smart and big and strong.
07:29 -Actually, I do.
07:30 Is it New Orleans?
07:33 -Yes, correct.
07:35 -Of course it is!
07:36 He's brilliant, and he's mine!
07:40 Can Arthur teach the class?
07:43 -You know what?
07:44 That's a good idea.
07:46 Arthur, take over the class.
07:49 Lydia, come with me.
07:53 ♪♪
07:56 Regina, you need to talk to Lydia.
07:58 She's having a problem of the girly nature.
08:02 -I don't have a problem.
08:04 I'm just a girl in love, and I'm working on sunshine!
08:07 [ Laughter ]
08:10 -You might want to check her for drugs.
08:12 [ Laughter ]
08:14 -Lydia, you want to tell me what's going on?
08:17 And I take it this involves your alleged lover,
08:19 Arthur Rabinowitz?
08:21 -Miss Greer, can we talk woman to woman?
08:23 -Of course we can, Lydia.
08:25 -Well, Arthur is intimidated by my brain,
08:28 so I guess I've been playing down my intelligence
08:31 to pump up his ego.
08:33 -Oh, Lydia, my proud but misguided Judaic sister.
08:39 You must never downplay your intelligence
08:42 to please any man.
08:45 -But I don't want to scare Arthur away.
08:47 -Lydia, if a man asks you to deny who you are
08:50 just so that he can feel better about himself,
08:53 then he doesn't deserve you.
08:55 Trust me, young sister.
08:56 If he cannot embrace your mind,
08:59 then he cannot embrace the essence that is you.
09:02 [ Laughter ]
09:05 -Wow.
09:07 Thank you, Miss Greer.
09:09 You know, your age and your many times around the block
09:12 have made you very wise.
09:14 [ Laughter ]
09:16 -You can go now, Lydia.
09:17 [ Laughter ]
09:19 ♪♪
09:22 -So, I'm gonna shoot from the hip and put it out there.
09:26 Okay?
09:28 Hey, love. -Hey, Settie.
09:29 -No, girl, see, you don't need him like that.
09:32 You need to remember your spirit.
09:35 Yes, and you need to remember that food is not love, boo.
09:39 Okay? All right?
09:41 You tell me what he has to say for himself and call me.
09:43 All right? All right, bye-bye.
09:45 -Who is that, your sister?
09:46 -No, LaShonda.
09:48 She cannot get that man thing right.
09:50 You know LaShonda?
09:53 -Yeah, I know. She's my best friend.
09:56 And when she have man problems, she usually speaks with me.
10:00 -Oh, sorry, love.
10:01 No, LaShonda just need a brother's point of view.
10:04 You know, we about to go to Red Lobster for lunch.
10:06 You welcome to come along?
10:09 -Oh, I'm welcome to come with my own girlfriends?
10:13 -Of course you are, silly.
10:15 Look, I'm gonna catch up with you later.
10:16 I got to go over your girl, Shamika's.
10:18 She want a man's voice on her machine
10:20 to scare off that creepy guy at work.
10:22 [ Laughter ]
10:26 [ Laughter ]
10:29 ♪♪
10:32 -Oh, Steve, thank you so much for going to the ballet with me.
10:35 I know it's not your favorite.
10:37 -No, actually, I kind of enjoyed it.
10:40 -Well, come on, have a seat. I'll fix you a sandwich.
10:42 I heard your stomach growling through the whole second act.
10:44 -Hey, hey, come here for a minute.
10:48 Sit down. Got a special gift for you.
10:51 -Steve? How sweet.
10:55 It's a beautiful...
10:57 key.
11:00 I don't understand.
11:02 -That's a key to my apartment.
11:06 Yeah, I just wanted to give it to you
11:08 to show you my, uh, you know, level of commitment.
11:14 -Wow.
11:16 It's nice.
11:18 I'll put it with my other keys, okay?
11:19 So, about that sandwich, you want white or wheat?
11:22 -No, no, no, no, no.
11:25 Did you not hear what I just said?
11:28 I just gave you the key to my apartment.
11:31 A brother just don't give out a key to his apartment every day.
11:37 I done had the same cleaning lady for 12 years.
11:40 She ain't got a key.
11:42 -I think we might be at different places
11:44 in this relationship.
11:46 You understand what I'm saying?
11:48 -Oh, yeah. Oh, I got it.
11:51 Sure, I understand.
11:53 It's okay that Big Daddy provides you with hours
11:57 on hours on hours and hours of pleasure.
12:01 [ Laughter ]
12:04 I got news for you.
12:06 I ain't just a handsome face and perfect body.
12:10 -Steve. -And furthermore...
12:14 the ballet sucks.
12:17 -Mm-hmm. Give him a key.
12:19 Good night.
12:21 [ Laughter ]
12:23 [ Door opens ]
12:25 [ Laughter ]
12:29 ♪♪
12:32 ♪♪
12:36 -Hey, Lydia, how would you like Arthur Rabinowitz
12:39 to be as excited about you
12:40 as he is about his dead bug collection?
12:43 -Sure. What do I have to do?
12:45 -All you have to do is let us win.
12:47 Who wants to be a music mogul in Mr. Hightower's class?
12:51 -No way, guys.
12:52 This proud Judaic sister plays down her brains for no man.
12:56 [ Laughter ]
12:57 -Hey, Lydia.
12:59 Look who came last night.
13:00 Chin hair number two.
13:02 -Oh! Arthur!
13:05 Oh, I love when you let yourself get all rugged
13:07 like George Clooney!
13:09 -Whatever happened to the proud Judaic sister?
13:12 -She wants to keep her boyfriend.
13:14 [ Laughter ]
13:18 -Hey, honey ball.
13:19 How's my favorite girl?
13:21 -I don't know.
13:22 Which one of my best girls is she this week?
13:24 Lashonda, Laverne, Shanika?
13:27 [ Laughter ]
13:28 -Lydia, are we fighting?
13:31 -Satty, look.
13:33 I wanted you to get to know my girls,
13:34 not become one of them.
13:36 I'm surprised they haven't invited you
13:38 to the toenail-painting party yet.
13:40 [ Laughter ]
13:43 -They have?!
13:44 -I haven't accepted. I didn't --
13:47 -Oh, thank God you're here.
13:49 I need some advice on my relationship with Steve.
13:51 -Finally.
13:53 At least boss lady still values my friendship.
13:55 -Oh, actually, I was talking to Coach.
13:58 Look, I need a male point of view.
14:01 -Oh.
14:02 Okay. I see.
14:04 Well, I'm just gonna go call my mama,
14:06 'cause at least she still loves me.
14:10 -Well, actually, she's not at home.
14:13 She's on her way down to Sizzler
14:16 to meet me and the girls for lunch.
14:18 But you're welcome to come.
14:20 [ Laughter ]
14:22 [ Laughter ]
14:24 ♪♪
14:28 -Hey, Steve. I need to talk to you.
14:30 -Well, that's too bad, 'cause I'm not talking to you.
14:34 -But I just need to -- -But what?
14:36 Laverne, finally, I find the relationship of my dreams
14:39 with a beautiful, sophisticated woman
14:42 that pretty much just wants to use me sexually.
14:45 You come along and ruin it with all this healthy
14:48 "give her a key," "show your intentions,"
14:51 "make a commitment," mumbo-jumbo.
14:54 [ Laughter ]
14:56 -Boss lady didn't like the key?
14:58 -No, boss lady ain't like the key!
15:00 [ Laughter ]
15:01 She hated it.
15:03 And you know what? She was right,
15:05 because it was too soon.
15:06 But I knew it was too soon.
15:08 But, oh, no.
15:09 I didn't trust my instincts.
15:11 I listened to you.
15:13 -I know. I'm a terrible person, Steve.
15:16 I give awful advice.
15:17 Even my own girlfriends hate me.
15:19 They'd rather hang out with Setty.
15:21 They invited him to the toenail party.
15:23 They didn't even invite me.
15:24 It's all my fault, because I was the one
15:27 who wanted him to get to know them.
15:30 [ Whimpers ]
15:32 [ Laughter ]
15:34 ♪♪
15:36 -All right, everybody, it's time to play
15:38 "Who Wants to Be a Music Mogul?"
15:40 Our first question is gonna go to our defending champion, Lydia.
15:44 Okay, Lydia, what is the name of a theatrical production
15:47 in which all dialogue is sung?
15:50 -Hmm.
15:52 Well, that's easy.
15:53 For someone as smart as my love line
15:55 and lifeline, Arthur Abinowitz.
15:58 Arthur, can you help me? I have no idea.
16:03 -The answer is opera.
16:06 -That's 10 points for Lydia.
16:08 [ Laughter ]
16:10 Romeo, how many musicians are there in a quartet?
16:17 -Well, that's a hard one.
16:18 I also have to call on my lifeline.
16:21 [ Laughter ]
16:23 [ Cellphone rings ]
16:26 [ Laughter ]
16:27 -Hello? -Yo, Bully Head, what's up?
16:30 -Yo, Romeo! What's going on, man?
16:33 -Yo, Mr. Hightower's class, dude is extra boring.
16:37 What's up?
16:38 -Hang up the phone and answer the damn question!
16:42 [ Laughter ]
16:44 [ Whispering ]
16:47 A quartet have four people?
16:52 [ Laughter ]
16:55 Yeah.
16:56 Yes!
16:58 -Sweet! All right.
16:59 You'd like Whoopi Goldberg, De Blasio,
17:02 or De Blasio?
17:03 -Just take your game and sit down and shut up!
17:06 [ Laughter ]
17:09 -Okay, Lydia, this one is especially for you, okay?
17:14 What singer, actress, director was the star of "Funny Girl"
17:19 and her initials are B-S?
17:23 Which I have been hearing a lot of lately.
17:28 -What?
17:29 I don't know.
17:31 -What are you talking about? I know you know this one.
17:34 You sent the woman a wedding present
17:36 when she married James Brolin.
17:39 -I know!
17:41 It's the entertainer of the century,
17:43 Miss Barbara Streisand!
17:44 And I knew all the other answers, too.
17:47 I know everything!
17:48 Sweet Moses, I'm brainy!
17:51 Please don't hate me because I'm smart.
17:53 -Lydia, what are you talking about?
17:55 -Well, it all started when I did better than you
17:57 on that chemistry test.
17:58 I thought if I was smarter than you,
18:01 you wouldn't like me anymore.
18:03 -Lydia, I mean, at first I was kind of threatened,
18:06 but that's my problem.
18:07 Your intelligence is one of the things I like about you most.
18:11 -Really?
18:12 Oh, thank you, Arthur.
18:15 [ Laughter ]
18:18 -Settle down, settle down!
18:19 -Lydia, Lydia, let the boy breathe.
18:23 [ Laughter ]
18:26 -Lavita, look, before you say a word,
18:29 I just want to apologize.
18:31 Now, you were right, I was wrong.
18:33 -Ceddie, what in the world are you apologizing for?
18:36 -Well, I'm not exactly sure.
18:39 I just want to make sure I'm covered to all my bases.
18:42 -Look, Ceddie, I'm the one who should be apologizing.
18:45 I mean, it's not your fault that you're sweet
18:47 and kind and lovable and all my girlfriends like you.
18:51 I'm just so happy that you're mine.
18:54 -Yeah, I'm the lucky one.
18:57 -Mm.
18:59 -Steve, what are you doing here?
19:06 -Hey, look, I just came by to set the record straight.
19:09 I understand where you were coming from
19:11 about the key, the relationship, all of it.
19:14 I just shouldn't have tried to rush things.
19:17 -It's okay.
19:18 Look, I'm just glad you're not mad anymore.
19:20 -Only person I'm mad at is you.
19:23 Only person I'm mad at is myself.
19:26 Look, here, take that.
19:30 That's the present I should have given you in the first place.
19:35 -ID bracelet?
19:39 -Oh.
19:40 Yeah, it's got your name on the front, mine on the back.
19:45 -Oh, Steve.
19:48 -Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait.
19:51 What's wrong now?
19:54 -Look, when we were in high school,
19:57 I always wanted one of these.
19:59 All of the popular girls had gotten theirs from their boyfriends,
20:03 but I never got one 'cause I never had a boyfriend.
20:07 So one time, I took my brother's and I wore it,
20:11 and I pretended I had one.
20:14 Pretty pathetic, huh?
20:17 Now you don't have to pretend anymore.
20:21 Come on.
20:24 -Aww.
20:27 -♪♪♪
20:32 ♪♪♪♪
20:37 ♪♪♪♪
20:42 ♪♪♪♪
20:47 (upbeat music)
20:49 (upbeat music)