These Broadway songs flew by fast. Welcome to MsMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the most lyrically-packed, diction-testing, breathlessly-paced songs in musical theater.
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00:00 "If you would have to listen to that, oh my goodness, I'd be there. If you would have to listen to what you see, I'm gonna miss you baby!"
00:09 Welcome to Ms. Mojo, and today we're counting down our picks for the most lyrically packed, diction-testing,
00:16 breathlessly paced songs in musical theater.
00:18 "I'm not mad that you got mad when I got mad when you said I should go drop dead!"
00:27 Number 10. The Speed Test - Thoroughly Modern Millie
00:30 "How's my speed, Miss Dillmount?" "A little slow, perhaps."
00:34 "Ah. Enclosed you'll find a small container of the stuff I talk about. Just carefully remove the lid and take a whiff if you've a doubt."
00:43 This 1920s jazz age musical is a wild ride from start to finish. This number is no exception.
00:50 When the unflappable flapper Millie Dillmount shows up in an executive's office to flaunt
00:55 her stenographic prowess, it becomes a showcase for its performer's technique.
00:59 "I'm sure you wouldn't want me to alert the daily papers, but the news of our office was affected by your papers,
01:04 which is why I choose to write to you a confidential letter full of strong recommendation that you make your floor wax better!"
01:10 Floor wax never seemed so urgent. As the contents of the boss's letter are repeated over and over,
01:15 they gain speed each time, until even the actor is barely able to keep up.
01:20 Interpolated with the Gilbert and Sullivan tune,
01:22 "But I've got to go tonight, so it really doesn't matter."
01:27 the speed test finishes with a flourish of frenetic pacing and lyrics colliding into each other.
01:32 "Unless you can convince me you can prove the floor wax better, we will take our business elsewhere, so I hope you solve this matter."
01:38 Number 9. Tchaikovsky and other Russians. Lady in the Dark.
01:42 [Russian rap]
01:54 Ira Gershwin and Kurt Weill produced several wickedly funny classics, but this is probably one of the most bizarre.
02:00 It's not really a song at all, but more of a musicalized list of the names of significant Russian composers.
02:06 [Russian rap]
02:16 Performer Danny Kaye made his early career with the number. His mastery of the song became a running theme of his performances in the show,
02:23 with Kaye trying to top his personal best time like a marathon runner.
02:27 [Russian rap]
02:32 A performer doesn't just have the speed to contend with. The pronunciation of the Russian names can be a challenge on its own for non-native speakers.
02:41 [Russian rap]
02:44 Number 8. Model Behavior. Women on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
02:48 [Russian rap]
02:54 Adapted from the 1988 classic by Pedro Aldolmovar, this musical tells the story of a group of women with wildly complicated love lives.
03:03 The high-strung fashion model Candela blasts into the show with a song about her relationship woes, and it's a doozy.
03:10 [Russian rap]
03:20 She's taken up all the space on her friend Peppa's answering machine with her endless tirades about her new suspicious boyfriend,
03:27 and non-sequiturs about spiders, raisins, and melons.
03:30 [Russian rap]
03:37 Although the show ended prematurely, Lara Benanti's expert handling of this funny and vocally demanding number won her a Tony nomination.
03:45 [Russian rap]
03:55 Number 7. We Both Reached for the Gun. Chicago.
03:58 [Russian rap]
04:14 There is a lot going on here. The speed at which this song comes at you is like the third most memorable thing about it.
04:20 [Russian rap]
04:31 There's the ventriloquist staging, in which the lawyer, Billy Flynn, manipulates the journalists like, forgive the expression, puppets on a string.
04:38 The interplay between alleged murderer Roxy Hart and Flynn's virtuous version of her that he wants the press to believe makes for a hilarious watch.
04:46 [Russian rap]
04:57 The vaudeville-inspired number is a feat of vocal acrobatics, with virtually no chances to get a breath in.
05:02 Lyrics fly out of the characters' mouths with abandon, and between that and the precise choreography, it leaves very little room for mistakes.
05:10 [Russian rap]
05:16 Number 6. If You Hadn't, But You Did. Two on the Aisle.
05:19 [Russian rap]
05:31 This musical review by Betty Comden and Adolph Green is largely forgotten, except by die-hard fans and historians,
05:38 and hasn't been performed since its original 1951 Broadway production.
05:42 [Russian rap]
05:53 What does survive is this darkly amusing song told from the point of view of a jilted lover.
05:58 "If You Hadn't, But You Did" is basically a list of reasons why she was justified in killing her lover,
06:04 addressed to the dead guy himself. His cheating and disregard for her feelings fuels her burning rant.
06:10 In the years since the show was produced, the track has been revived and performed by Liza Minnelli and Wicked star Kristen Chenoweth.
06:17 [Russian rap]
06:34 Number 5. Therapy. Tick, Tick, Boom.
06:37 [Russian rap]
06:49 Jonathan Larson's explosive musical memoir is about an artist who always feels like he's running out of time.
06:55 Therapy is a manic number played against the destruction of his relationship
06:59 due to his obsession to complete the score for his musical.
07:02 [Russian rap]
07:12 Given the desperate theme, it only increases in speed and intensity as it goes along.
07:16 Complicating it further, but also serving to add an extra layer of emotion,
07:20 is the way the two actors sing different parts of the song at the same time, and at different speeds.
07:26 [Russian rap]
07:36 As the couple dig into the problems plaguing their relationship, the entire thing spins out of control.
07:41 In the film adaptation, this duet is performed with Caressa on stage instead, which is a cool change-up.
07:47 [Russian rap]
07:59 Number 4. You got trouble. The Music Man.
08:02 [Russian rap]
08:14 Given how many ideas con man Harold Hill presents in this number,
08:17 it's not all that surprising that this was originally a monologue.
08:21 In fact, Meredith Wilson considered cutting it before turning it into the patter song we all know and love now.
08:26 [Russian rap]
08:39 You got trouble grabs hold of the musical's ensemble like a sermon, and it makes sense.
08:44 If anything, Hill's ability to tear through the lyrics of the song without tripping over his own tongue is a miracle in itself.
08:50 [Russian rap]
09:03 His fear-mongering rant about the evils of pool is a stunning feat of writing and performance when done well,
09:09 and it's easily one of the show's most enduring tunes.
09:12 Number 3. The Museum Song. Barnum.
09:15 [Russian rap]
09:24 It's incredibly fitting that this number is half show tune, half commercial.
09:28 After all, notorious showman P.T. Barnum always employed a healthy mix to promote himself and his cavalcade of circus animals and sideshow performers.
09:36 [Russian rap]
09:44 The Museum Song from Barnum is a prime example of musical spectacle.
09:48 Barnum lists his attractions with the pressured speed of an over-caffeinated carnival barker.
09:53 [Russian rap]
09:59 Every detail sounds more amazing and ridiculous than the last.
10:03 And just in case you don't catch every word, don't worry.
10:06 [Russian rap]
10:13 By the time he gets through telling you about his Mona Lisa made of ice, he's already pretty much going through the entire list again.
10:19 [Russian rap]
10:23 Number 2. I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General. The Pirates of Penzance.
10:27 [Russian rap]
10:36 Gilbert and Sullivan's comic operas are a different breed from what we now know as modern musicals.
10:41 Since their original stagings, the shows have been revived on Broadway, the West End, and beyond.
10:47 Their scores are legendary for the amount of words and wit they could pack into a song.
10:51 [Russian rap]
11:01 This Pirates of Penzance number is among their most famous, and their most difficult.
11:05 With its tongue-twisting cultural references and increasingly surprising rhymes,
11:10 it's a treat for the ear that's able to catch every turn of phrase.
11:13 [Russian rap]
11:22 For the rest of us, it's just a marvel of speed.
11:25 [Russian rap]
11:38 Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
11:42 Guns and Ships. Hamilton. Watch him engaging 'em, escaping 'em, enraging 'em with 6.3 words per second.
11:49 [Russian rap]
12:00 Sing. A chorus line. A dancer explains her unfortunate Achilles heel.
12:05 [Russian rap]
12:12 Both Sides of the Coin. The Mystery of Edwin Drood.
12:15 Two characters break the fourth wall at breakneck speed.
12:18 [Russian rap]
12:30 The Money Song. Cabaret.
12:32 This patter song was written for the movie adaptation and later added into the score.
12:36 [Russian rap]
12:45 Putting It Together. Sunday in the Park with George.
12:48 An artist ruminates on art versus commerce.
12:50 [Russian rap]
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13:22 Number 1. Getting Married Today. Company.
13:25 "Pardon me, is everybody there? Because if everybody's there, I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding.
13:28 I'd appreciate your going even more. I mean, you must have lots of better things to do and not a word of it to Paul.
13:32 Remember, Paul, you know, the man I'm gonna marry, but I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is."
13:36 Stephen Sondheim's series of vignettes about married couples presents all kinds of thoughts, opinions, and stances on marriage.
13:42 His work often requires a singer who can keep up.
13:46 A prime example being the song "Another Hundred People."
13:48 [Song]
14:04 In "Getting Married Today," a bride-to-be's wedding day breakdown gives new meaning to the phrase "cold feet."
14:09 [Song]
14:22 Her list of reasons not to get married is as long as the time between her words is short.
14:27 If you're going to perform this one, you need to have crisp diction and a whole lot of breath control.
14:32 [Song]
14:45 Which of these songs do you think is the hardest to sing? Tell us in the comments.
14:49 [Song]
15:01 Do you agree with our picks? Check out this other recent clip from MsMojo.
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15:10 [Music]