See how these lovers have kept the flame alive for 40-plus years
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🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00 She lights up a room when she walks in any room.
00:03 Everybody's talking about how beautiful her hair is.
00:07 And that's when she will just go into being Miss Anita
00:11 by encouraging individuals to do their best.
00:15 She's a great mother, a great role model.
00:18 I mean, don't get me to start crying on her
00:20 'cause I'm about ready to tear up.
00:23 (sips)
00:25 Oh, she's everything.
00:33 (upbeat music)
00:35 - Our wedding anniversary is Valentine's Day,
00:49 February 14th, we're gonna be married.
00:50 43 blessed years and we didn't even plan
00:53 to be married on Valentine's Day.
00:55 It was just something organic and supernatural.
00:59 - Yes.
00:59 (laughing)
01:01 - We didn't even know that was the date, honestly.
01:03 We didn't think in our minds, oh, it's Valentine's Day.
01:07 We didn't think like that, honestly.
01:09 - I have been married to James for over 40 years.
01:16 Our anniversary date is December 27th
01:20 and we got married in 1983.
01:24 That date is so important to me
01:26 because that's when my boo, my bae, my king,
01:31 my everything asked me to marry him.
01:34 This is so important because it was so many days
01:37 after Christmas and he had came home from basics training
01:41 and he asked me to marry him.
01:43 So that date is so significant to me
01:46 and I will always treasure that day
01:48 because this is my husband for life.
01:50 (upbeat music)
01:53 - We got married on January 30th, 1982
01:58 on a bright sunny day in Rancho Palos Verdes.
02:01 - At the Wayfair's Chapel.
02:03 - Yes, the Wayfair's, I'm an architect
02:04 and the Wayfair's Chapel was designed
02:06 by Frank Lloyd Wright's son.
02:07 It's a beautiful glass and wood chapel
02:09 overlooking the Pacific.
02:11 So that's the place we chose
02:13 and go back every so often for a pilgrimage.
02:17 - We were surrounded by friends and family
02:21 and the view looking onto the Pacific Ocean
02:26 and the architecture by Frank Lloyd Wright
02:30 was just amazing.
02:32 It's the best place in Southern California.
02:37 - How did I meet Rita?
02:38 I had been checking her out for a while
02:42 and so happened one night,
02:45 we was walking by each other.
02:48 She was passing by me and I was passing by her
02:51 and I just built up the courage
02:53 to ask her for her phone number.
02:55 I didn't thought she would give it to me
02:58 but she gave it to me.
02:59 And from there, I didn't call her right away.
03:02 I waited a couple of days or so
03:05 'cause I didn't want like I was desperate.
03:07 (laughing)
03:09 And I just waited and then I decided to call her
03:12 and from there, it went from there
03:14 and a consistent relationship after that.
03:18 - Tanita and I are high school sweethearts.
03:20 We met at University City High School
03:23 in St. Louis, Missouri, U City, Missouri.
03:25 And we knew that we were made for each other
03:31 because we played house before we had a house.
03:34 That made we are teenage parents.
03:38 And I knew that once I had the responsibility
03:42 of being a father and I had a daughter, I needed a wife.
03:47 So we got married after she graduated in 1983.
03:51 And that's how I knew that
03:54 we were gonna make this thing work.
03:56 - How we met, it was on Sadie Hawkins night.
03:59 And I went to, I was supposed to meet a friend,
04:04 a girlfriend for drinks.
04:07 And I'm trying to think of the name of the restaurant.
04:11 It was Carlos and Charlie on Sunset in Los Angeles.
04:16 And it was a real lively singles place
04:22 and I'm looking for my friend, Angela.
04:25 And I just happened to go into the ladies room.
04:30 I didn't find her, but I just,
04:32 I gotta get ready to have a good evening.
04:38 And so I went into the ladies room.
04:41 - We were at the art gallery, not the restaurant,
04:46 the Jamaica gallery.
04:48 - Well, that came after.
04:49 - No, that was the night we met.
04:51 Okay, so I'm gonna jump in.
04:52 We both wound up at the Jamaica gallery,
04:54 which is an art gallery in Venice, California
04:57 that was owned and operated
04:58 by a Jamaican architect, Evan Williams.
05:01 And Jill was in the bathroom, as she said,
05:07 and then I needed to use the bathroom,
05:10 but someone was in there for quite a long time.
05:13 And I had to start doing the dance that we do,
05:16 you know, trying to say, what's up?
05:18 Almost knocked on the door.
05:19 Then the door swung open.
05:21 And I mean, I was done.
05:23 Out walked this gorgeous creature.
05:25 I was like, you know, starry eyed.
05:27 So of course I went into the bathroom
05:29 and I was like, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
05:31 And then I busted out and I saw her looking at a painting
05:33 and I walked over to the painting and I said,
05:36 kind of looks like a Botticelli.
05:37 And she looked at me and said, do you know about art?
05:40 And I started faking it ever since then, you know.
05:43 - That's funny.
05:44 (upbeat music)
05:47 - Now, how do we celebrate Valentine's Day?
05:49 We've been married for a long time, over 40 years.
05:54 We do various, well, I'm the one who do the Valentine.
06:01 So I've done various things.
06:04 Back in the day when we were broke,
06:06 if I couldn't buy flowers,
06:09 I'll go sneak in somebody's yard and pick their roses
06:11 and bring them to Anita and give her a rose.
06:13 Rings, jewelry, movies.
06:18 Anita's, we work on the same job.
06:23 So a lot of folks say,
06:24 how can you work with your wife and this and that?
06:27 I'm like, man, that's easy.
06:28 It's a business.
06:30 But at work, and I had a position
06:33 in which I was able to do a lot of things at the job.
06:37 I would go into her office early
06:40 and place in her office, flowers,
06:45 cards, candy, gifts, balloons.
06:49 So that when she reported to work and opened up her office,
06:54 it was just this beautiful, you know,
06:58 wow, all the ladies are envying Miss Anita.
07:02 It make me feel special.
07:03 It make me feel loved.
07:05 Although I know he loves me,
07:06 it's just him showing his appreciation.
07:09 And like he said, when he walks in my office
07:12 with that bouquet of flowers,
07:14 I am feeling like in awe, like, oh my goodness.
07:18 You know, he's caring so much for me.
07:20 Now I know that he's caring for me.
07:23 But however, on this special day,
07:25 you know, my husband don't forget what day it is.
07:28 He is honoring this day for the one he loves.
07:32 So I appreciate him.
07:33 And I'm not the type of person who need
07:35 all these jewels and all that.
07:38 And James know exactly what I like, you know,
07:40 but he appreciated me.
07:42 He's showing me his appreciation and telling me,
07:44 hey, you are the one I love.
07:46 And not only that, he takes his time
07:49 when he's selecting a card, a Hallmark card.
07:53 I mean, he makes sure a lot of times
07:56 that when he's picking the card,
07:58 that it has a Bible verse inside the card.
08:03 And he's telling me just as fill as I can just hear it
08:05 in his voice, because he is taking the time
08:08 to select the type of card just for me,
08:12 just for his wife, for his wife of 40 years,
08:14 his boo, his baby mama, his sweet boy, his Valentine.
08:19 - What does Valentine's Day mean to me
08:22 and the importance of celebrating it?
08:26 - It's another day, but it's a special day
08:30 to do something special together.
08:34 We like to cook together.
08:35 Actually, Steve likes to cook more than I do.
08:39 So I make a point to go out
08:42 and get a wonderful bottle of champagne,
08:45 some flowers and some salmon or something,
08:50 you know, a great looking steak.
08:52 And I bring it home and I lay it out.
08:56 And he gets busy in the kitchen
08:59 and prepares it, a wonderful dinner.
09:02 And...
09:03 - Yeah, and all I'm wearing is an apron.
09:05 (laughing)
09:07 - Yeah.
09:08 - But what do I tell you every Valentine's Day?
09:10 - He tells me he loves me.
09:12 - No, I tell Jill, every day is Valentine's Day.
09:15 - Every day is Valentine's Day.
09:17 And he's wearing his Valentine's tie.
09:23 - It's not really just about Valentine's Day,
09:26 which some people probably need Valentine's Day,
09:29 but I treat her like Valentine's Day.
09:31 - All the time.
09:32 - All the time.
09:33 So it's like it's a normal thing, you know?
09:36 So that's why she don't really get too hyped up about it
09:39 because it's an every weekend thing or something like that.
09:43 You know, I'm treating her with something.
09:45 I bring her flowers.
09:45 Don't have to be Valentine's Day.
09:47 I'm buying her flowers.
09:49 You know, if it's not a dozen,
09:51 I'll get a one, two, three, half a dozen,
09:54 whatever it might be,
09:55 just to show my love and my appreciation for her
09:57 that I'm thinking about her.
09:59 (upbeat music)
10:01 What make black love different from me
10:03 is it's such a beautiful thing, you know,
10:06 to look at a black woman, especially my woman, you know,
10:12 and knowing that, you know, she loves me and I love her.
10:16 You know, that is value.
10:19 It's true value that, you know,
10:21 when two black people find each other
10:24 and they just fall in love
10:27 and it's just a continuously going on, you know,
10:30 and we enjoying ourselves.
10:32 It's black love is fun, you know?
10:34 - It is.
10:35 - You can really enjoy it, you know, what you make,
10:37 you know, and that's what I love about it, you know.
10:40 We have a lot of fun time together.
10:42 We spend a lot of time, you know, if it's not going out,
10:47 maybe just spending time playing a game at home
10:50 and it's just a beautiful thing, you know,
10:52 when you can see, you know, raise your children
10:56 and they know who you are and they appreciate it.
10:59 - What makes black love great, I think James and I,
11:03 you know, like we're statistic, you know,
11:06 thank God, you know, graduating on time.
11:09 Thank God, you know, with our careers,
11:11 thank God, able to build homes.
11:14 You know, we built two homes all because we work hard.
11:19 We work hard at our jobs, we work hard at our marriage
11:22 and thank God, you know, like James said,
11:24 we see the fruit of our labor
11:26 and we see what our kids are doing.
11:28 And once again, being an example to others,
11:30 being examples to other black couples, like you can do it.
11:33 If we did it at a young teenage, being young teenagers,
11:37 you can do it.
11:38 - What makes black love different is,
11:43 and I can't, I don't wanna generalize for all of us folk,
11:47 but we came up in households where our parents
11:50 were actively fighting racism and discrimination
11:55 and we were parties to that.
11:59 We learned under their experience
12:03 and to be able to see things where they are,
12:08 where the majority culture often is not attuned
12:12 to what's going on.
12:13 We call these parallel universes hidden in plain sight.
12:16 Our universe, we have to swim seamlessly
12:18 between two streams.
12:20 They're only aware of one stream most of the time
12:22 and being able to see challenges that, you know,
12:26 you turn on TV, you see something, you hear something,
12:29 you see it in real life, you experience it.
12:32 To have that bond with each other, to be able to understand,
12:35 to have that cultural competence is really important
12:39 and I think another reason that pulls us together.
12:43 (upbeat music)
12:45 - What I love most about going together with my man
12:48 is that we are together.
12:50 That means everything to me.
12:51 Just being together, just having the love,
12:54 just having the joy that we have
12:57 and the commitment, the intimacy, I love it all.
13:01 Growing together with him, I love the fun of it.
13:05 - I think growing old together is somewhat challenging
13:10 because he doesn't hear what I say all the time
13:12 or I may not listen or, you know,
13:19 listen to exactly what he's telling me
13:21 and he'll have to repeat himself.
13:24 - Yeah, not per ill will,
13:25 just because our ears are getting bad.
13:28 What is it like growing old with Anita?
13:30 I tell you what, age ain't nothing but a number.
13:35 I don't even feel old with Anita
13:37 because we're so compatible.
13:40 We, I mean, we laugh, we have jokes,
13:45 we have fun, whatever goes on in the house,
13:50 I mentioned it before, stays in the house.
13:53 We're blessed, our children are five minutes apart.
13:58 We're all homeowners.
14:00 We all have careers.
14:03 Here's something that we didn't mention.
14:06 We all, myself and Anita,
14:08 my oldest daughter and my youngest daughter,
14:12 we all have master degrees.
14:15 So the statistic that started back in 1983, '82,
14:20 that baby who witnessed our marriage has an MBA.
14:25 My youngest daughter has her master's degree.
14:29 I have a master's degree.
14:31 The woman who had a baby in high school
14:34 has a master's degree.
14:36 So growing old with Anita is not as if I'm growing old
14:40 because of the choices I made.
14:44 I'm seeing my grandchildren.
14:46 I'm raising my grandchildren.
14:48 I'm at the games, I'm at the ballets.
14:51 We're attending the practices, we're picking them
14:54 because of the choice I made.
14:57 I'm not growing old, I'm getting better.
15:00 (upbeat music)
15:02 (upbeat music)