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00:00:00 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:00:03 Hi.
00:00:07 [MESSAGE CHIMING]
00:00:08 Hi.
00:00:09 Hello.
00:00:10 Hi.
00:00:12 There you are.
00:00:13 What is the deal?
00:00:14 Where is she?
00:00:15 Hair and makeup are doing finals.
00:00:16 She'll be out any minute.
00:00:18 Cue cards?
00:00:19 Really?
00:00:19 She has three lines to remember.
00:00:21 Yeah, but with copy, that's good.
00:00:22 She wants to make sure to really nail it.
00:00:23 I'm sorry.
00:00:24 When the agency wanted that guy who ate all those hot dogs,
00:00:27 it was me who fought for Bella, because I'm
00:00:30 old enough to remember when she was a big deal.
00:00:32 And I thought you were just fresh out of film school.
00:00:36 OK, listen.
00:00:37 Bella is incredibly humbled that you
00:00:39 chose her to represent Oma Wender's Christmas soda.
00:00:44 With no--
00:00:45 That sounds dull.
00:00:46 No, darling.
00:00:47 You are not going to make me wear this Santa hat.
00:00:50 I didn't spend an hour in the chair
00:00:52 so that I could look like someone who just waltzed out
00:00:54 of Deep Discount Depot.
00:00:56 No, no, you look fabulous.
00:01:00 All right, let's get final touches in here.
00:01:04 OK, let's hurry up.
00:01:06 OK, thank you.
00:01:07 Thank you, that's good.
00:01:08 Thank you, excellent.
00:01:09 Gorgeous.
00:01:14 OK, I think we're ready to go.
00:01:16 Ready, Bella?
00:01:18 Action.
00:01:19 Hello, I'm comedian Bella Del Domino,
00:01:23 here to share my favorite holiday treat
00:01:27 from Ardenville's historic craft soda makers, Oma Wenders.
00:01:32 Oh, yes, just like Christmas.
00:01:44 Cut.
00:01:45 Can we take five?
00:01:46 Aubrey, can we just take five?
00:01:49 Five.
00:01:49 Take five.
00:01:50 Hi.
00:01:51 You good?
00:01:53 Let me tell you, when my taste buds grow back.
00:01:56 Well, if you get it in the next take,
00:01:57 you won't have to drink anymore.
00:01:59 I can't do it.
00:02:00 What do you mean you can't?
00:02:03 I'm sober now.
00:02:04 It's not alcoholic.
00:02:06 You're joking.
00:02:07 What do you propose we do?
00:02:09 Fill it up with paint thinner.
00:02:11 It'll go down a lot easier.
00:02:12 Ladies.
00:02:14 Just one second, please.
00:02:15 OK, I can go grab a bucket, and then you can take a sip,
00:02:18 and then you can spit it right out,
00:02:20 and then they can cut to a shot of a bottle or something.
00:02:22 Can you handle that?
00:02:24 OK, but don't you ever say that I never did anything for you.
00:02:28 Well, we don't have all day to go over everything that is
00:02:30 wrong about the sentence you just said.
00:02:32 I'd love to listen to you, darling,
00:02:34 but I'm kind of trapped in that moment.
00:02:36 OK, I, uh, will go speak to the director.
00:02:39 [gasping]
00:02:41 And, uh--
00:02:42 [gasping]
00:02:43 The thing is, when Bella was six years old,
00:02:46 the color green was very triggering for her.
00:02:50 Oh, darlings, thank you so much.
00:02:53 You were all so wonderful to work with.
00:02:56 Oh, now if you ever need tickets to the comedy club,
00:03:00 just reach out to Aubrey, day or night.
00:03:04 Day, please.
00:03:05 Thank you.
00:03:07 OK, we need to get downtown ASAP, OK?
00:03:09 What for?
00:03:11 For the interview, I sent you the questions last night.
00:03:13 Did you pick your favorite Christmas memory?
00:03:15 I can't, because the really good ones, I can't remember.
00:03:18 And the other ones, I'd be breaking an NDA to share them.
00:03:21 What am I going to say?
00:03:22 Bella, you pay me to write your jokes, not your life story.
00:03:25 What about when you were writing my autobiography?
00:03:28 There must be something there.
00:03:29 We didn't get past the chapter on peanuts.
00:03:32 Oh, OK.
00:03:33 You said last Christmas was your favorite ever.
00:03:35 Why don't we work off of something like that?
00:03:37 It was great.
00:03:38 My set just killed.
00:03:39 I booked two late night gigs out of that.
00:03:42 I just want to be more relatable, you know?
00:03:45 I don't want to be all show business-y.
00:03:47 I want to be more ordinary, you know, like you or one of them.
00:03:51 OK, uh-- OK, when I was a kid growing up,
00:03:55 all my cousins, aunts, and uncles,
00:03:56 they would stay over on Christmas Eve
00:03:57 so we could open the gifts together in the morning.
00:03:59 And, oh, this-- this was my time to shine.
00:04:01 And then I--
00:04:02 Aubrey, if you're trying to convince me
00:04:04 to never have children, darling, that ship has sailed.
00:04:08 But Mom actually would stop me at 8 PM
00:04:11 to honor Santa's favorite song, "Silent Night,"
00:04:13 because she said that Santa actually wouldn't
00:04:16 fill my stockings if I played the part of Tiny Tim
00:04:20 after sundown.
00:04:21 And, you know, when I think about it now,
00:04:22 actually, I think she was--
00:04:23 And you know, Santa was right, darling.
00:04:26 Shh!
00:04:27 I'm almost dizzy from listening to you.
00:04:30 Now, make that a whole lot shorter
00:04:33 and a whole lot funnier.
00:04:35 We've got an interview on our hands.
00:04:37 I-- I was, uh, being vulnerable, but--
00:04:41 Oh, yeah.
00:04:42 Yeah, I got the door.
00:04:44 Aubrey?
00:04:46 I really hope those deliveries get here today.
00:04:54 What, all these people performed here?
00:04:57 Yep.
00:04:58 It actually used to be a speakeasy back in the '20s
00:05:00 before becoming a hot spot for comedians.
00:05:03 Mike Baxter?
00:05:04 I love his movies.
00:05:06 Well, the old ones,
00:05:07 before he started playing addicts and fathers.
00:05:09 What? No, I love those.
00:05:11 His comedy's, I don't know,
00:05:12 a little bit too juvenile for me.
00:05:14 Well, that's his early stuff,
00:05:15 right after Saturday's Sketch Club.
00:05:17 With all these people here,
00:05:19 how could you not sell out the Christmas Variety Show?
00:05:22 Because none of these people ever came back to the club.
00:05:24 No, no, they work on their material
00:05:26 on our small suburban stage,
00:05:27 and then they ride off into the sunset.
00:05:31 So, who do you have booked so far?
00:05:34 We've got a couple local bands,
00:05:36 ooh, and a Mark Twain impersonator,
00:05:38 although he says he only does late Twain.
00:05:41 This is not my fault.
00:05:42 Everybody is booked for the holidays.
00:05:45 Hey, cuz, what happens if you don't sell it out?
00:05:47 Well, let's see.
00:05:48 I lose my job, hopes and dreams dashed,
00:05:50 five of the best years of my life wasted,
00:05:52 ooh, and I get to move back in with my mom,
00:05:54 so there's that.
00:05:55 Ooh, yikes.
00:05:57 The club's not that big.
00:05:58 How hard could it be to sell it out?
00:06:00 On Christmas Eve, the one night
00:06:02 where people actually prefer to stay home with their families,
00:06:04 it's not gonna be easy.
00:06:06 Yeah, guess Santa is the only one you ever hear about
00:06:08 leaving his home on Christmas Eve, huh?
00:06:11 Ooh.
00:06:13 You think I'm doomed?
00:06:14 I will start by putting this on the platter.
00:06:16 Oh, actually, do you mind signing for the deliveries,
00:06:19 and then I will manage to get this guy up there.
00:06:22 Yeah.
00:06:23 Okay.
00:06:25 Ooh, you're heavy.
00:06:26 Okay.
00:06:28 All right.
00:06:29 ♪
00:06:36 Two steps left.
00:06:38 Mm, my right, actually.
00:06:40 Spin!
00:06:41 Big spin.
00:06:42 Excellent form.
00:06:44 Will U2 be performing at the open mic on Thursday?
00:06:46 Well, he's a little shy,
00:06:48 because last time he melted in front of...
00:06:50 Uh...
00:06:53 Uh, Mike Baxter.
00:06:55 What are you-- what--
00:06:56 [clears throat]
00:06:57 What are you doing here?
00:06:58 Hi, just seeing if I have a future in choreography.
00:07:00 Hi, Mike.
00:07:01 Hi, what's your name?
00:07:02 Oh, uh, Aubrey Wilson.
00:07:03 Sorry, I didn't--
00:07:04 just, I didn't hear what you were--
00:07:06 No, I'm-- I'm sorry for the frosty dance.
00:07:09 I, uh, I just thought I'd stop by.
00:07:11 This is where I got my big break.
00:07:13 I saw that the--
00:07:14 Mike Baxter?
00:07:15 Is that you, Mike Baxter?
00:07:17 Shouldn't you be out losing millions of dollars
00:07:20 for a studio somewhere?
00:07:21 Bella del Domino.
00:07:23 They told me to take the season off.
00:07:25 Something about chapter 11.
00:07:26 I don't know.
00:07:27 But what brought you back here from the mount?
00:07:29 You know, Christmas is a time for charity,
00:07:31 so I started thinking, "Who do I know that needs help the most?"
00:07:35 And immediately you came to mind.
00:07:36 Oh, still as sweet as ever.
00:07:39 Tell me, how does a guy get stage time these days, huh?
00:07:42 Oh, come on, Mike.
00:07:43 You're a big Hollywood star.
00:07:44 You don't need to be doing stand-up.
00:07:46 It sounds like my agent already got to you.
00:07:48 Well, I'm up for this big action movie,
00:07:50 a superhero thing called Rooster Man.
00:07:54 It's a working title.
00:07:55 Aha!
00:07:56 Will the special effects people--
00:07:57 will they be able to finally make you funny?
00:08:00 [laughs]
00:08:01 Or will they just have you shooting laser beams?
00:08:04 Well, he's a superhero with a sense of humor,
00:08:07 so I thought I'd try to remind Hollywood and you, apparently,
00:08:10 that I'm still hilarious.
00:08:12 Absolutely.
00:08:13 Well, you know, this is not our busiest time of the year, darling,
00:08:15 as you know.
00:08:16 But maybe it will be with you here.
00:08:18 I mean, you're welcome to step on that stage any time, sir.
00:08:22 Well, I really appreciate that.
00:08:24 The competition looks fierce.
00:08:26 I hear she has a line on a fantastic dancing snowman act.
00:08:30 Yes, if he can get over his nerves,
00:08:32 we might really have something.
00:08:34 You guys are trying to make a joke about me.
00:08:36 I don't think it's funny.
00:08:38 Bella, if I was making a joke about you,
00:08:39 I definitely would have mentioned your jewelry.
00:08:41 How does your neck stay up?
00:08:42 Do you have a chiropractor on call?
00:08:44 Mikey, Mikey, you're reminding me,
00:08:47 giving me flashbacks of that day you left for California.
00:08:50 Oh, I was so happy that day.
00:08:53 All right, I got to go.
00:08:54 Nice to meet you, Aubrey.
00:08:56 It is so nice to see you.
00:08:58 Hi.
00:09:00 What the-- howdy.
00:09:02 That was Mike Baxter.
00:09:04 Oh, yeah.
00:09:05 He missed a lot.
00:09:06 How does he know your name?
00:09:08 You are getting the deliveries next time.
00:09:10 Thank you so much for having us.
00:09:12 This is the DRX L.
00:09:14 Hey.
00:09:18 I brought you some coffee.
00:09:19 You're a lifesaver.
00:09:20 Just in time.
00:09:21 Oh, they're starting.
00:09:23 Good evening.
00:09:24 I'm Robert Busby, and we're kicking off
00:09:26 Ardenville's Christmas Fest with our hometown funny lady,
00:09:29 Bella Del Domino, the star and owner
00:09:31 of the legendary Comedy Club.
00:09:33 You know, Christmas is a very special time of the year
00:09:36 for us at the Comedy Club.
00:09:37 We are laughing all the way, and we truly believe
00:09:40 celebrating can be made so much better
00:09:43 with a two-drink minimum.
00:09:44 Remember when I used to interview you in our treehouse
00:09:47 back when you were going to be the world's biggest movie star?
00:09:50 Well, Mom said acting is a hard-knock life.
00:09:53 Everybody wants to be in the movies.
00:09:55 Get a real job, kid.
00:09:56 So I did.
00:09:57 My real job is a joke writer for a woman
00:10:00 who texts with her pointer finger.
00:10:02 Don't sell yourself short.
00:10:03 You're also her personal assistant.
00:10:05 Thanks.
00:10:06 So I couldn't help but notice you've decorated
00:10:08 every inch of the club in string lights,
00:10:10 while your own home looks like a troll cave.
00:10:13 Okay, well, the Comedy Club is my home.
00:10:16 And while being on the road with the comedian herself.
00:10:19 Oh, perfect.
00:10:20 Then I can have your apartment.
00:10:22 Consider it your Christmas gift to me.
00:10:24 Actually, if I remember correctly,
00:10:26 my Christmas present was getting you this job,
00:10:28 and you should pay attention,
00:10:29 because you could learn a lot from Bella.
00:10:31 I'm learning a lot more from you.
00:10:33 She might be the face, but you're the talent.
00:10:36 No, I can't do what Bella does.
00:10:39 I'm way too shy for that now.
00:10:42 You can handle it.
00:10:43 No, the Comedy Club has a legacy.
00:10:45 Okay, Bella saved it from a bulldozer.
00:10:47 Do you know how many legends have performed there?
00:10:50 It's launched, I don't know, a thousand careers.
00:10:54 And that woman, she did that.
00:10:56 And I saw this as an opportunity to dance and sing
00:11:00 and say jokes that I'd learned off the TV.
00:11:04 What about your career?
00:11:05 Haven't you ever considered getting out on that stage?
00:11:08 I love writing, I do.
00:11:09 And Bella promised to introduce me
00:11:11 to some of her literary agent friends.
00:11:13 So I will get to a writer's room.
00:11:16 There's a ladder to climb.
00:11:18 It's been five years.
00:11:20 Maybe start looking for an elevator?
00:11:22 Tell us, what's your favorite Christmas memory?
00:11:25 Well, oddly enough, Robert,
00:11:26 it's also the beginning of my comedy career.
00:11:29 I still remember to this day, just like it was yesterday,
00:11:32 when I got my first laugh.
00:11:34 It was my mother.
00:11:35 Of course, it would have been a whole lot better
00:11:37 if it hadn't been Mom.
00:11:38 At least she gave your story a happy ending.
00:11:41 I did that.
00:11:42 Yeah, one of the perks of being a writer
00:11:45 is that you never need therapy
00:11:46 if you can just change the ending.
00:11:48 Now, we're happy to hear that the Comedy Club
00:11:51 is partnering with Oma Wenders
00:11:52 to not only sponsor Ardenville's Christmas Fest,
00:11:55 but to bring back the variety show.
00:11:57 It's been a while since the Comedy Club hosted.
00:11:59 Yes, it has.
00:12:01 Eight years since you've hosted.
00:12:03 She's looking at me.
00:12:04 Yes, yes, yes, it has.
00:12:06 Who will be performing at the big show?
00:12:09 Um, well, Christmas is full of surprises, isn't it?
00:12:14 So I don't want to say too much too soon.
00:12:17 Very true.
00:12:18 Well, Christmas is still three weeks away,
00:12:20 so we're going to be following up with you.
00:12:22 But until then, we hope to see you
00:12:23 at all the holiday events around town.
00:12:25 Oh, I hope so too.
00:12:27 Is that good for you?
00:12:28 You didn't tell her about the variety show?
00:12:31 Nope.
00:12:32 And you thought that was a good idea?
00:12:33 At the time, yes.
00:12:34 Not so much anymore, no.
00:12:40 The Comedy Club is sponsoring the Christmas Fest
00:12:44 and the Christmas variety show.
00:12:46 You know why we had to nix that years ago, don't you?
00:12:49 Because nobody wants to leave their house on Christmas Eve.
00:12:53 And we would have to sell out the entire show
00:12:56 just to break even.
00:12:58 Yeah, but the show, the show was legendary.
00:13:00 It launched so many careers.
00:13:01 And all those network execs and studio heads,
00:13:04 I mean, they all used to celebrate Christmas at the club.
00:13:07 That was back in the day of covered wagons
00:13:09 when there were only three TV networks.
00:13:11 Well, you finally agreed to sponsor the Christmas Fest.
00:13:14 I just, I assumed that the variety show was part of it.
00:13:18 The city is so excited, Bella.
00:13:20 This is a Christmas tragedy.
00:13:22 I don't have to go to any of those events
00:13:24 just because I'm sponsoring them, do I?
00:13:27 Well, you are a beloved local celebrity.
00:13:30 I'm sure you're going to have to go--
00:13:31 Local, Aubrey?
00:13:33 I think I have a little more range than local, Aubrey.
00:13:36 Of course.
00:13:37 So, just cancel it.
00:13:38 Bella, the comedy club has to show up to some key events,
00:13:41 and we also have to donate the proceeds
00:13:44 of the variety show to a charity.
00:13:46 What charity?
00:13:47 Children's Hospital.
00:13:49 The one charity I can't back out of.
00:13:53 Okay, we can invite industry bigwigs.
00:13:56 Maybe even your agent literary friends,
00:13:59 you know, the ones that you promised to introduce me to.
00:14:02 It'll be great.
00:14:03 The variety show almost destroyed my career
00:14:06 and brought the comedy club down.
00:14:08 What happened?
00:14:09 I remember the first Christmas.
00:14:10 I was so excited to be part of it,
00:14:12 but I had no idea then how difficult it was
00:14:16 to sell out a show on Christmas Eve.
00:14:19 Yeah, but we can send out industry invitations today.
00:14:21 We can publicize it on our social media.
00:14:24 We can tell everybody, and it's going to be great.
00:14:27 We can sell out.
00:14:28 Industry bigwigs do not laugh.
00:14:31 And the few local people who showed up,
00:14:33 they couldn't carry this show.
00:14:35 There wasn't enough of them.
00:14:37 Oh, I totally bombed.
00:14:39 I can't tell you how many gigs I missed
00:14:42 because of that Christmas variety concert,
00:14:45 and I've been trying to crawl my way back ever since.
00:14:49 Yeah, you're right.
00:14:52 This is on me, and I will fix it.
00:14:55 I'll think of something.
00:14:56 Good.
00:14:57 Chop, chop.
00:14:58 Yeah.
00:15:04 They published another list of all the young actresses
00:15:07 you've dated?
00:15:08 Do you know how often I have to convince people
00:15:10 that my brother's not a creep?
00:15:11 Are the influencers on that list too,
00:15:13 or just the actresses?
00:15:14 Look, I've never even met half the women on this list,
00:15:18 okay, except for Margot.
00:15:20 I'm kidding.
00:15:21 I have moved on from all that, okay?
00:15:25 Enough professional faceplants,
00:15:26 and your priorities start to change.
00:15:28 Yeah, well, your career will bounce back.
00:15:30 Don't be so hard on yourself.
00:15:32 Those movies were pretentious, exploitative, never-ending.
00:15:37 Oh!
00:15:38 But don't get me wrong, you're really great in them.
00:15:40 Oh, thank you.
00:15:41 That's really sweet of you.
00:15:43 And two eggnogs and two cinnamon rolls, please.
00:15:51 Thank you.
00:15:52 So much.
00:15:53 I gotta go.
00:15:54 Text me when you're done shopping.
00:15:56 Yeah.
00:15:58 [door opens]
00:16:00 [music]
00:16:02 Good morning.
00:16:08 Good morning.
00:16:09 I saw you while I was in line
00:16:10 and thought you might need some eggnog.
00:16:12 Don't worry, it's not alcoholic.
00:16:14 Although I did see a few people throw caution to the wind
00:16:17 at 9am on a Tuesday.
00:16:18 No, thank you.
00:16:19 I've already had my cup of heavy cream this morning.
00:16:21 Were you always this prickly,
00:16:22 or did Bella drain all the Christmas spirit from you?
00:16:25 Okay, now you've put me in a position
00:16:27 where I'm some grinch just because I don't want your eggnog.
00:16:29 Has her heart shrunk to full sizes?
00:16:33 For Christmas.
00:16:35 And so you'll leave me alone.
00:16:37 What's in there?
00:16:42 Oh, nothing.
00:16:43 Just, uh, thoughts, ideas, jokes.
00:16:48 You're a comic?
00:16:50 You seem so well-adjusted.
00:16:52 A writer for Bella.
00:16:53 And you never wanted to get on stage yourself?
00:16:56 Once upon a time.
00:16:57 And then what happened?
00:16:58 Someone threw a tomato too hard once?
00:17:00 My words are much better coming out of Bella's mouth.
00:17:02 Well, as someone who has spent years saying someone else's words,
00:17:05 I am thrilled to speak for myself again.
00:17:09 You don't enjoy movies.
00:17:11 Bella would kill for your career.
00:17:12 She would commit battery for a callback.
00:17:14 The money's okay,
00:17:15 but what I'm really in it for is the constant public scrutiny.
00:17:19 That's why I love a comedy club.
00:17:20 The scrutiny is much more intimate.
00:17:22 Yeah, well, forgive me if I don't shed a tear for the successful actor
00:17:26 up for an action hero of the film.
00:17:28 If you tell me what's in your notebook, I'll try to forgive you.
00:17:34 Well, the tree lighting ceremony is tonight.
00:17:37 They're Christmas jokes, just to kick off the festivities.
00:17:40 Oh, great.
00:17:42 This is great.
00:17:43 Let's, let's hear one.
00:17:45 No.
00:17:46 Yes.
00:17:47 No, you're my, you're my backstory.
00:17:49 I could, I could never read them to you.
00:17:51 No, no, no, no, no.
00:17:52 Don't think of me as Mike Baxter, the comic.
00:17:55 Think of me as the guy who's sitting next to you
00:17:57 and desperately loves jokes.
00:17:59 Very persuasive.
00:18:02 Okay.
00:18:04 I have this bit about how my mother is impossible to buy presents for.
00:18:07 So this year, I actually asked her to tell me what she wants,
00:18:10 and what she wants, I can't seem to find anywhere.
00:18:13 And, well, the punchline is that what she wants most
00:18:16 is for me to find better health insurance.
00:18:20 That's good.
00:18:21 Yeah.
00:18:22 That's good.
00:18:23 What if you somehow got hurt while you're searching for it?
00:18:27 Like, sprained my ankle.
00:18:29 Yeah, at least you think you did.
00:18:31 You're too worried to go to the doctor to find out.
00:18:33 You sure?
00:18:34 You want to be an action hero because comedy suits you pretty well.
00:18:37 Well, the rooster man is funny.
00:18:40 He's funny.
00:18:41 See, you've just heard the name and you're already laughing.
00:18:48 Oh, it's Bella. I better go.
00:18:50 Right now? What, is the club on fire?
00:18:53 No, the comedy club's closed.
00:18:55 That right there is the star of the town tonight.
00:18:58 Oh, this is why I love Christmas.
00:19:00 People coming together just to watch a switch get flipped.
00:19:02 Yeah, it's beautiful.
00:19:03 I'll be there. Front row.
00:19:06 Back row? What?
00:19:07 I just, I don't want Bella to get upstage.
00:19:09 I will be incognito. I promise.
00:19:12 Like the rooster man?
00:19:14 Hmm.
00:19:15 I don't actually know what his deal is.
00:19:17 Is he the one with the laser thingies or is he invisible?
00:19:20 Well, he's a rooster, so he has razor sharp talons
00:19:23 and he can more like glide short distances.
00:19:26 Don't forget, he's funny.
00:19:27 He is a grown man with talons.
00:19:29 Claire.
00:19:30 Oh, you forgot your, uh...
00:19:32 Eggnog.
00:19:33 I'll see you tonight.
00:19:35 Hey, maybe you will, maybe you won't.
00:19:37 Good news. We just secured an improv group for the talent show.
00:19:45 Amazing. Second city.
00:19:48 Cook County Technical Institute, but the good news is
00:19:51 they said they'd work for drinks.
00:19:52 That puts us at four acts only.
00:19:55 We still need a headliner.
00:19:56 Bella, right?
00:19:58 No, she said she would rather apologize for second husband
00:20:01 than go up during the variety show.
00:20:02 What about Mike Baxter?
00:20:04 Ian, he's an award nominated actor.
00:20:06 I mean, there were Golden Universe Awards or whatever,
00:20:09 but no, he's not doing her show.
00:20:11 Okay, I want you guys to tell me the truth.
00:20:14 Is this true, Santa baby?
00:20:17 Eartha Kitt wishes.
00:20:19 Oh, hubby, who's your friend?
00:20:22 This is Ian, my cousin.
00:20:23 You hired him a month ago.
00:20:25 Oh, and I would hire him again.
00:20:28 In a heartbeat.
00:20:30 You look ravishing, as always.
00:20:32 But I think that outfit might be a bit too much for tonight.
00:20:35 It's pretty cold outside. It's going to be freezing.
00:20:37 What are you talking about?
00:20:38 The gala is at the police museum.
00:20:41 No, no, no. No.
00:20:42 You are introing the tree lighting tonight.
00:20:44 I sent you the jokes yesterday.
00:20:46 I thought that was just banter for the Italian beef hour at the gala.
00:20:51 Besides, it's not like I didn't tell you.
00:20:53 The Christmas fest is a really big deal, Bella.
00:20:56 If you saw the names of the people on that list, Aubrey,
00:21:00 you wouldn't be making such a fuss.
00:21:02 It's just a lot of people are relying on you to be there.
00:21:05 And I'm relying on myself to start networking.
00:21:08 I mean, why aren't I in those superhero movies?
00:21:11 What do you think? I can't play a chicken or a--
00:21:15 Or a sultry supervillain bent on revenge?
00:21:18 Oh, Aubrey, how much are we paying this delightful young man?
00:21:23 Very little.
00:21:24 [phone rings]
00:21:25 Oh, it's my manager.
00:21:27 Okay, fix that tree thing.
00:21:29 Remember, I believe in you.
00:21:31 And you stay right where you are.
00:21:34 Hello.
00:21:36 Thanks for encouraging her.
00:21:37 Thank you.
00:21:38 [laughs]
00:21:39 It's a bummer nobody will hear your jokes tonight.
00:21:49 Oh, well, I'll have plenty more opportunities before Christmas.
00:21:53 Why doesn't Bella invite you to her party so you can meet all her agent friends?
00:21:57 Oh, she says bringing her assistant as her plus one
00:22:00 will make it seem like she can't get a date.
00:22:02 I just met her, and she seems incredible,
00:22:04 but seems like she dangles a carrot to keep you behind the scenes.
00:22:08 No, she supports my career.
00:22:09 'Cause it supports hers.
00:22:11 Next year will be different.
00:22:12 She knows how much this means to me.
00:22:14 And it's not like I don't enjoy my job.
00:22:17 You're a talented cousin.
00:22:19 I just want to see you hit it big time and not be a ghostwriter forever.
00:22:23 Thank you.
00:22:24 What's the deal with Bella?
00:22:25 Oh, uh, she sends her apologies, but her dog was sick
00:22:31 and then got better and then got adopted, so she had to deal with that.
00:22:35 But it all--it all ended up working out.
00:22:37 I told Brittany at City Hall this afternoon.
00:22:39 Well, she must have forgotten to tell me,
00:22:41 because in ten minutes I'm emceeing this thing,
00:22:43 and I haven't even started my vocal warm-ups.
00:22:45 I'm sure your elocution will be spot on.
00:22:47 I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
00:22:49 Well, obviously we need someone to perform, and that's gonna be you.
00:22:52 Me? No. No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:55 I'm a nobody. No. No.
00:22:57 Well, that's what I told them, but my hands are tied.
00:22:59 They're your jokes. Do it for Christmas.
00:23:01 No, they won't be the same. I don't have Bella's delivery.
00:23:04 I--I haven't done my vocal warm-ups either, so...
00:23:07 You can do it. Yeah.
00:23:08 Well, whether you can or can't, it's happening.
00:23:10 You're on in two minutes.
00:23:11 Two minutes.
00:23:12 I think I'm gonna throw up.
00:23:16 I'll go do soundcheck.
00:23:18 Yes.
00:23:19 You got this.
00:23:20 Yeah. Okay.
00:23:21 Yes, I'm gonna do it.
00:23:23 It's me. It's Mike.
00:23:27 Yeah, I know.
00:23:28 Mike Baxter.
00:23:29 Why not look incognito?
00:23:33 No, you look like Mike Baxter, but in sunglasses.
00:23:35 Where's Bella? Isn't she about to go on?
00:23:39 I'm filling in. It's the whole thing.
00:23:41 Wait!
00:23:42 No! No, no, it's not great.
00:23:43 Nobody knows who I am.
00:23:45 Now nobody knows who you are.
00:23:49 Now I'm just the same nobody, but in sunglasses.
00:23:52 Look, you're gonna be--you're gonna be great.
00:23:54 Okay?
00:23:55 Just go out there and have some fun with it.
00:23:57 They'll know you the next time.
00:23:59 Okay.
00:24:00 Please welcome to the stage--
00:24:01 Oh, no.
00:24:02 Okay, no, no, no, you're not going anywhere.
00:24:04 You got this.
00:24:05 Okay.
00:24:06 You got this.
00:24:07 From our beloved comedy club, Aubrey Wilson!
00:24:10 Hi.
00:24:14 Good luck up here. They wouldn't give me an inch.
00:24:15 Okay.
00:24:16 That's my time.
00:24:17 Hello.
00:24:20 Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:24:22 Oh, I forgot to move this out of the way.
00:24:27 Arden Mill!
00:24:28 Merry Christmas.
00:24:29 Merry Christmas.
00:24:30 As Robert said, I do, in fact, work for the historic comedy club.
00:24:34 You all look a little confused, and you know what?
00:24:36 I am just as confused as you are.
00:24:38 Yeah, the more observant in the audience may have noticed.
00:24:41 I am not, in fact, Bella Del Domino.
00:24:43 Was it my bouncy, radiant skin that gave it away?
00:24:47 What?
00:24:48 No?
00:24:49 Um, well, can we give it up for the comedy club?
00:24:53 Yeah!
00:24:54 Yeah, yeah, I've been there for about five years,
00:24:56 performing duties as, to quote my business card, crypt keeper.
00:25:01 Our hallowed halls are lined with photographs of famous,
00:25:05 legendary comedians who have graced our stage over the years.
00:25:09 They are icons, the real who's who of Hollywood,
00:25:13 as in, uh, who's that again?
00:25:16 Uh, well, does anybody have someone in their life
00:25:22 that is just impossible to buy presents for?
00:25:25 Bella! Bella! Bella! Bella! Bella! Bella!
00:25:31 Uh, my mother, she is one of those people.
00:25:35 I love my mother, but she's just--
00:25:37 Bella! Bella! Bella! Bella! Bella!
00:25:41 Oh, Mike Baxter, what are you doing here?
00:25:45 Mike Baxter!
00:25:48 Hi there, I was just enjoying your set,
00:25:50 and it suddenly occurred to me
00:25:52 that I'm pretty sure my picture is hanging on the walls
00:25:55 of the comedy club.
00:25:56 No, no, no, no, allow me to clarify.
00:25:58 Yes, please, please clarify.
00:25:59 My earlier joke for no relevance to the defendant.
00:26:02 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:26:04 A different word.
00:26:05 The all-around innocent--
00:26:07 Innocent, that's-- we like that one.
00:26:09 Michael Baxter!
00:26:11 [cheering]
00:26:13 You can get off my stage now.
00:26:16 [cheering]
00:26:18 And don't forget, tickets are on sale
00:26:20 for the variety show "Christmas Eve" at the comedy club.
00:26:24 [cheering]
00:26:26 [laughing]
00:26:28 You really saved me up there.
00:26:29 Oh, come on, it's just tough to deal with hecklers.
00:26:31 But that was great, that was fun, right?
00:26:33 That was fun.
00:26:34 That was incredible.
00:26:35 I was so scared you were gonna bomb,
00:26:37 I almost passed out.
00:26:38 Uh, Mike, this is Ian, my very supportive cousin
00:26:41 who always believes in me.
00:26:42 I'm such a big fan, especially of your recent work.
00:26:46 Oh, that scene where you forgave yourself
00:26:48 for not forgiving your son for never forgiving you.
00:26:53 I felt that.
00:26:56 Well, he's a liar, but I like him.
00:26:58 Oma Wenders on the house.
00:27:01 Sponsors of the event.
00:27:02 And Mr. Baxter, I'm really hoping we see you and Belle
00:27:05 at some of our other holiday events.
00:27:07 Sure, count me in anything Christmas.
00:27:09 This is gonna be the best Christmas fest
00:27:11 Ardenville has ever seen.
00:27:12 It's time for the tree lighting.
00:27:14 Oh, we're missing the switch getting flipped.
00:27:17 Okay.
00:27:19 Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:27:27 [cheering]
00:27:32 [music]
00:27:36 [coughing]
00:27:38 Oh my God, what is this?
00:27:41 Oma Wenders.
00:27:42 Oh, it'll get easier the more you drink.
00:27:44 Oh, it's spicy.
00:27:46 Oh, it burns.
00:27:48 I like it now, though.
00:27:51 Just take out those two words there.
00:27:54 Oh, I heard you and Mike were quite a hit
00:27:57 at the Christmas tree lighting ceremony.
00:27:59 You know, it's hard for me to picture you on stage.
00:28:02 It's really not in your wheelhouse, is it?
00:28:05 We had to promote the variety show.
00:28:07 Yeah, the ticket sales haven't been great.
00:28:09 Well, you're lucky to have some star power with you.
00:28:12 How did it work?
00:28:14 Well, we sold more tickets, and acts are calling us now,
00:28:18 which means we can finally hold auditions.
00:28:20 No, I mean, how did it work, your performance?
00:28:22 You know, I mean, your writing skills are stellar.
00:28:26 But sometimes stage work, it requires a more
00:28:30 commanding presence.
00:28:32 Well, Mike had enough presence for the both of us.
00:28:35 Oh, well, I'm happy that it went well for you,
00:28:38 but you know, it could just be beginner's luck,
00:28:40 so you don't want to get too overconfident about it.
00:28:43 I mean, you're used to seeing me kill on stage,
00:28:46 so you might forget how embarrassing it could be
00:28:49 if the whole thing fell flat.
00:28:51 Well, you can dazzle audiences
00:28:53 in the Christmas Village walk-through.
00:28:55 Oh, no.
00:28:57 Where's the drama?
00:28:59 It's too pedestrian.
00:29:01 No, you're not walking, you're interacting with people
00:29:03 as they walk through, and from what I'm told,
00:29:05 you are playing a significant Christmas legend.
00:29:08 Oh, that sounds more like it.
00:29:10 Bella Del Domino, Christmas legend.
00:29:13 There you go.
00:29:15 You're going to come with me, right?
00:29:17 Because, I mean, in case I need to change the script,
00:29:19 I mean, I need you there.
00:29:21 Of course, I will be there, as always.
00:29:23 But you are a guest on a podcast next week,
00:29:25 so let's focus on that next, okay?
00:29:27 ♪ Christmas is a curious,
00:29:29 ♪ and it makes me dream too weird.
00:29:32 Writing away?
00:29:34 Reminds me of when you were a kid,
00:29:36 always lost in your notebook.
00:29:38 Well, except I'm not getting grounded
00:29:40 for ignoring my homework.
00:29:42 I haven't felt this creative in a really long time.
00:29:44 Well, I made you some mint tea
00:29:46 for helping me bring the girls to school.
00:29:48 Aw, thank you.
00:29:50 Wait, school? I could have sworn you said racetrack.
00:29:52 I really appreciate you
00:29:54 for letting me crash at your place.
00:29:56 We love having you.
00:29:58 I mean, I wish you could have stayed with us last year,
00:30:00 you and, um, Jessica.
00:30:02 Football player.
00:30:04 Then left him when his team lost in the playoffs.
00:30:06 I think she has commitment issues.
00:30:08 Mm, that's one way to put it.
00:30:10 Well, she would have never stayed.
00:30:12 And that bed is awful.
00:30:14 You said you slept well.
00:30:16 I did-- I said that, but I lied.
00:30:18 But hanging with family is worth the kink in my neck.
00:30:20 [inhales]
00:30:22 And the nagging in my ear.
00:30:24 Yeah, well, just think, if you had a family of your own,
00:30:26 you'd be able to experience this kind of torture every day.
00:30:28 I do want a family someday.
00:30:30 It just hasn't been right.
00:30:32 I have time.
00:30:34 Mm-hmm.
00:30:36 [clears throat]
00:30:38 Sorry, one second.
00:30:40 Hey, Damon.
00:30:42 Is he on or isn't he? Brandon, is he on?
00:30:44 Oh, he's on. Hi, Damon.
00:30:46 Mikey, my favorite client.
00:30:48 Sorry about that. I had this new assistant forwarding calls,
00:30:50 and it's just been a mess.
00:30:52 Right, you know, you could try being a little more gentle.
00:30:54 What are you, my last assistant?
00:30:56 Listen, okay, I'm calling to let you know
00:30:58 that things are going well with Rooster, okay?
00:31:00 We have an offer?
00:31:02 Well, not an offer, per se, but they do want you to come back in
00:31:04 and read with the guy who's doing the voice for...
00:31:06 What's the name of that talking cow again?
00:31:08 Um...Agent Bovine.
00:31:10 Yes, that's the one.
00:31:12 By the way, they're going crazy for your Christmas set
00:31:14 they did with that woman.
00:31:16 They were thinking about rewriting the cow and rooster relationship
00:31:18 to have the same banter, you know what I mean?
00:31:20 They saw that? Everyone's seen it.
00:31:22 How is it possible that my own mother knows more about social media
00:31:24 than you do?
00:31:26 I mean, she's a huge fan of your show.
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00:43:06 Well, that is so sweet of you to give her a platform at Christmas.
00:43:10 She is clearly a rising talent.
00:43:12 She is clearly a rising talent.
00:43:14 She may not be your assistant for long.
00:43:16 Aubrey, say something into the mic quick.
00:43:24 Aubrey, say something into the mic quick.
00:43:26 Hey, how was the podcast?
00:43:28 Well, good. Insightful.
00:43:30 I had no idea that the club was causing such a buzz on the internet.
00:43:34 Yeah, having Mike around helps a lot.
00:43:36 Yeah, of course it does. He's a big star.
00:43:38 Yeah, of course it does. He's a big star.
00:43:40 So, Aubrey, how are tickets going for the variety show?
00:43:42 So, Aubrey, how are tickets going for the variety show?
00:43:44 Um, okay. I think as soon as I secure a headliner, then things should really pick up.
00:43:48 Yeah, it's tough. I know.
00:43:50 I'll tell you, I won't perform, but I will host.
00:43:54 I'll tell you, I won't perform, but I will host.
00:43:56 Sure. Yeah, I think everybody will love that.
00:43:58 Sure. Yeah, I think everybody will love that.
00:44:00 I know they will.
00:44:02 Yes, if the Christmas fest needs me, I'll be there.
00:44:04 Yes, if the Christmas fest needs me, I'll be there.
00:44:06 Does this mean you'll be attending other events?
00:44:08 What's next?
00:44:10 Twinkle Tunnel.
00:44:12 Ah, is there an audience?
00:44:14 No, it's a tunnel, but there will be at the Snowball Social, which is right afterwards.
00:44:16 Okay, you can count on me. I'll be there with a costume on.
00:44:18 Okay, you can count on me. I'll be there with a costume on.
00:44:20 Now, Aubrey, I don't want you filling in for me any longer, darling.
00:44:22 Now, Aubrey, I don't want you filling in for me any longer, darling.
00:44:24 I can tell by the state of your under eyes that you are working way, way, way too hard.
00:44:26 I can tell by the state of your under eyes that you are working way, way, way too hard.
00:44:28 I can tell by the state of your under eyes that you are working way, way, way too hard.
00:44:30 Now, and I'll need new material.
00:44:32 Now, and I'll need new material.
00:44:34 For tonight.
00:44:36 That is what I pay you for, isn't it?
00:44:38 Not to be prancing around on stage flirting with Mike Baxter.
00:44:40 Not to be prancing around on stage flirting with Mike Baxter.
00:44:42 Yes, I will send you some new stuff this afternoon.
00:44:44 Excellent. See that you do.
00:44:46 Excellent. See that you do.
00:44:48 Well, that was a sudden change of heart.
00:44:50 Well, that was a sudden change of heart.
00:44:52 No, no, I've seen this before.
00:44:54 When her last husband remarried,
00:44:56 she made me send all these fake rumors to tabloids and stuff.
00:44:58 she made me send all these fake rumors to tabloids and stuff.
00:45:00 She must think Mike's performing at the variety show.
00:45:02 She must think Mike's performing at the variety show.
00:45:04 Oh, it's too late now.
00:45:06 We've got some auditions to watch, so I'm going to think about what to do with that later.
00:45:08 We've got some auditions to watch, so I'm going to think about what to do with that later.
00:45:10 I really think you should try and beatbox. I think you could do it.
00:45:12 Oh, absolutely.
00:45:14 Yeah, you could.
00:45:16 Sorry I'm late. This is my sister, Steph.
00:45:18 This is Aubrey. This is Ian.
00:45:20 Mike said you wouldn't mind if I watched?
00:45:22 I told her we were judging people and she forced me to bring her.
00:45:24 I'm not mad at all. Please take a seat.
00:45:26 I'm not mad at all. Please take a seat.
00:45:28 Oh, wow.
00:45:30 I like your sweater.
00:45:32 It's got a nice outfit.
00:45:34 Thank you. Aubrey, I love you.
00:45:36 I really, really love you.
00:45:38 I really, really love you.
00:45:40 I really appreciate you.
00:45:42 I really appreciate you.
00:45:44 I really appreciate you.
00:45:46 Can I start again?
00:45:48 Sure, you can try again.
00:45:50 One more try.
00:45:52 Keep taking lessons.
00:45:54 This is theater.
00:45:56 My name,
00:45:58 meaningless.
00:46:00 Oh, thank you.
00:46:04 I'm a poet.
00:46:06 The club, chicken club,
00:46:08 turkey club,
00:46:10 comedy club,
00:46:12 one, two, three,
00:46:14 Christmas tree,
00:46:16 Aubrey, you, and me.
00:46:18 Oh, oh.
00:46:20 Oh, oh.
00:46:22 Oh.
00:46:24 Let's start again. Thank you.
00:46:26 Thank you.
00:46:28 I got one more.
00:46:30 You tell Luka to sing.
00:46:32 Luka's a method actor.
00:46:34 Oh, no, no.
00:46:36 It's going to be okay.
00:46:38 Nice.
00:46:40 Yeah.
00:46:42 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:44 I love the juggler always.
00:46:46 The juggler might have been my favorite.
00:46:48 I want to thank you guys for letting me put my judgmental skills to good use.
00:46:52 Let me know if you want tickets.
00:46:54 Oh, I would, but my husband gets home on Christmas Eve,
00:46:56 and we have this tradition of dinner and movies,
00:47:00 by which I mean takeout and fighting over what movie to watch.
00:47:02 I guess most people are staying home on Christmas Eve instead of buying tickets, so...
00:47:06 You'll get your audience.
00:47:08 Yeah, hopefully we will with these new acts.
00:47:10 Anyway, we should get back.
00:47:12 It's open mic night.
00:47:14 Good. I'll see you tonight.
00:47:16 Really?
00:47:18 Yeah, but keep it a secret.
00:47:20 I want an unsuspecting audience.
00:47:22 See you tonight.
00:47:24 See ya.
00:47:26 Christmas dads hold court.
00:47:34 We're the ones who have a direct line to Santa.
00:47:36 Kids must laugh at our jokes, right?
00:47:38 Who's never hungry at Christmas?
00:47:42 I don't know.
00:47:44 Me! 'Cause he's always stuffed!
00:47:46 Oh, come on.
00:47:48 Remember, who's got the line to Santa?
00:47:50 Please, please, be nice, folks.
00:47:52 All right, let's...
00:47:54 By the way, my name is Jeremy.
00:47:56 Open mic is tough.
00:47:58 Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
00:48:00 That's why I always stay behind the scenes.
00:48:02 Okay!
00:48:04 Let's all give it up for Jeremy!
00:48:08 Jeremy!
00:48:10 Good for you, Jeremy!
00:48:12 Okay, stand up back.
00:48:14 Have a drink.
00:48:16 Our next comic will be coming up any minute.
00:48:18 Hey, how's the audience tonight?
00:48:20 Ooh, somewhere between gazpacho and room temp.
00:48:22 Right where I like 'em.
00:48:24 You're not nervous?
00:48:26 I mean, this is your first stand-up in years.
00:48:28 I'm excited.
00:48:30 I just hope they remember who I am.
00:48:32 Or at least forget my last movie.
00:48:34 They'll love you.
00:48:36 Why don't you go up there and shine, superstar?
00:48:38 All right, pretend to laugh no matter what.
00:48:40 Pretend to laugh no matter what.
00:48:42 That's sick.
00:48:48 Can we get some light, please?
00:48:50 [cheers and applause]
00:48:52 Stop it. Thank you. Thank you.
00:48:54 Very kind. Please. Stop.
00:48:56 All right, keep it going. Keep it going.
00:48:58 So, at Christmas, people talk about the parties,
00:49:00 the presents, the food.
00:49:02 But nobody talks about the weird Christmas liqueurs.
00:49:08 ♪ Come and drink your weird Christmas liqueurs ♪
00:49:12 ♪ It's like they mix vegetables with some menthol ♪
00:49:16 ♪ It tastes a lot like Pepto-Bismol ♪
00:49:20 ♪ Weird Christmas liqueurs ♪
00:49:24 ♪ Cherry, eggnog, pumpkin spice ♪
00:49:28 ♪ Before you drink it, I would think twice ♪
00:49:32 ♪ Don't give me a peppermint matcha schnapps ♪
00:49:36 ♪ I'll drink the whole shot and it gave me the crops ♪
00:49:40 ♪ Weird Christmas liqueurs ♪
00:49:43 ♪ Next year I'll say no, thank you ♪
00:49:48 [cheers and applause]
00:49:52 Ladies and gentlemen, I've got a big problem here.
00:49:55 It's a problem that has plagued humanity for a very long time.
00:50:02 Unh, unh, unh.
00:50:05 ♪ Should I buy a fake tree or the real thing? ♪
00:50:08 ♪ A pine tree has a lot of needles to clean ♪
00:50:11 ♪ I'm not saying that a real tree ain't jingling ♪
00:50:14 ♪ But do I want to do the extra work and everything? ♪
00:50:17 ♪ I only have a six-foot ceiling ♪
00:50:20 ♪ My vacuum will start squealing ♪
00:50:23 ♪ I'm not saying that a real tree ain't healing ♪
00:50:26 ♪ But suddenly a fake one sounds appealing ♪
00:50:29 ♪ I don't want to be a bridge to anyone ♪
00:50:32 ♪ But I bet even Santa has a fake one ♪
00:50:35 ♪ I'm not saying that a real tree ain't fun ♪
00:50:38 ♪ But this year I'm going with a fake ♪
00:50:40 ♪ Don't judge, son ♪
00:50:42 All right, I'm getting a fake tree this year, it's settled.
00:50:45 Thank you for having me back.
00:50:47 [cheers and applause]
00:50:50 - Well, wasn't that a triumphant return to our stage?
00:50:55 Mr. Mike Baxter!
00:50:57 - Hey, what's new? - Hey, I just got off stage.
00:51:00 Oh, man, it felt so good to be back.
00:51:03 - Excellent. I'm actually on my way to a Christmas party tonight,
00:51:06 but I wanted to tell you the Bridges Seminar are catching fire!
00:51:09 - Oh, that's great, but this--this felt right.
00:51:12 - You know, I think we should start a tour, maybe a special.
00:51:17 - Sure, after you land Rooster,
00:51:19 then you have carte blanche in Hollywood.
00:51:21 - Well, right, but I may not get it.
00:51:23 - Well, my buddy told me that Harlow Studios execs
00:51:26 love that you're mingling with the people,
00:51:28 doing your Christmas thing.
00:51:30 I think you got this in the bag, so let's land this movie,
00:51:32 then talk about stand-up.
00:51:34 - Do you think this is the right fit for me?
00:51:36 What if Rooster Man is just another bad move?
00:51:38 You know, I can't afford another swing and miss like that.
00:51:42 - Stop, stop, you're being paranoid, okay?
00:51:44 You're bigger than stand-up.
00:51:45 This is our way back to the top. Don't blow it.
00:51:47 - I just want to connect to people again in a real way.
00:51:51 - And you will. And I, Max.
00:51:54 - Listen, I gotta go, okay?
00:51:56 But I'm really happy that you had a good time tonight.
00:51:57 I will keep you posted.
00:51:58 With everything that did with the studio,
00:51:59 you are so close.
00:52:01 It's so close, Mike, okay?
00:52:03 I gotta go. Talk soon.
00:52:05 - Talk soon.
00:52:07 You know, one time I bombed so badly,
00:52:17 the next guy up passed around a hat
00:52:19 to start my relocation fund.
00:52:22 I made more money that night than I did the whole month.
00:52:26 - I got laughs with the same jokes at a club last night.
00:52:29 - Look, there's no substitution for stage time.
00:52:33 And just keep having fun, you know?
00:52:36 Regardless of how they're reacting,
00:52:37 and they're gonna want to join in.
00:52:40 - That's great advice. Thanks. I appreciate it.
00:52:44 You're a legend, Mike Baxter.
00:52:46 - Oh, stop it.
00:52:47 Hey, chin up. It only gets harder.
00:52:49 - Ha!
00:52:52 - Look at you.
00:52:54 You were great tonight. You killed it.
00:52:56 - Thank you. Thank you. I felt great.
00:52:59 The happiest I've felt in a long time.
00:53:01 - You know, some people even like to smile when they're happy.
00:53:06 - Okay, my agent thinks I need to focus on acting,
00:53:10 not stand-up.
00:53:11 - Maybe you should just focus on what makes you happy.
00:53:14 - Oh, he said if I get the part, I'll have carte blanche.
00:53:18 I was too embarrassed to tell him
00:53:19 I don't actually speak French.
00:53:21 - Yeah, I'm sure you will,
00:53:22 right after the sequel, the crossover, and the reboot,
00:53:25 where you pass the torch on to a much younger,
00:53:27 much more bankable rooster.
00:53:29 - Mm-hmm. Much younger, better.
00:53:32 You know, this Christmas,
00:53:33 I feel more alive than I have for the last five years.
00:53:40 Why is that?
00:53:42 - Well, a wise man once told me
00:53:44 that Christmas gives you exactly what you need.
00:53:48 So, pay attention.
00:53:51 - What if I fall on my face?
00:53:53 What if I fail?
00:53:55 - Well, the Comedy Club is actually hiring a janitor.
00:53:57 We don't offer benefits, but you can get any show for free.
00:54:01 - Acting is so easy with you.
00:54:05 - Well, I'm happy to help.
00:54:08 Now, chin up, 'cause it only gets harder.
00:54:12 - Chin up? That was my line.
00:54:13 - Yeah. - With Jeremy.
00:54:14 You just stole my line.
00:54:15 - Yeah, that was the whole point.
00:54:16 - I just said that.
00:54:18 - Hey. - Got you an omelet.
00:54:30 - Awesome. I haven't had a chance to eat breakfast yet.
00:54:32 How much? - It's on me.
00:54:34 - Ian, I signed your paychecks, and I know how much you make.
00:54:37 - It's fine.
00:54:38 Tickets are at a standstill for the show.
00:54:40 - Even after Mike's performance last night?
00:54:42 - I know, but we don't have an act big enough
00:54:43 to entice people to leave their homes on Christmas Eve.
00:54:45 Honestly, everyone wants to know if Mike will be there.
00:54:48 I do, too.
00:54:50 - Bella's coming. Just don't mention anything.
00:54:52 - Hi. - How about last night?
00:54:56 We got more hearts on our post than ever.
00:54:59 - That's amazing. - I was thinking,
00:55:01 we should give some hot chocolate
00:55:03 to the people in the standby lineup when we sell out.
00:55:07 - Mm-hmm. - What, for 8, 10 bucks a cup.
00:55:10 We will have to get them to line up in the back,
00:55:12 out in the alley, because the front is gonna be VIP only.
00:55:17 - VIP? - Casting agents
00:55:19 and network execs and directors.
00:55:21 Oh, they're starting to swarm like sharks.
00:55:25 And I, Bella, am finally the chump.
00:55:29 - Ah! That's amazing.
00:55:32 - Look, this variety show is so important.
00:55:35 We've got to impress these people,
00:55:37 or else we're finished.
00:55:39 - We don't want that. - So,
00:55:41 tell me, you have this, Aubrey?
00:55:44 - Yes, I will take care of it.
00:55:47 - It's New York. - Ah, New York.
00:55:50 - This variety show, it could really change my--
00:55:53 our career. - Yeah.
00:55:56 - I'll see you both later. - Not if I see you first.
00:55:59 - [laughs]
00:56:02 He slays me. Oh.
00:56:05 What am I gonna do?
00:56:08 - You know what to do.
00:56:10 Give the people what they want.
00:56:12 - I can't--no, Mike has enough on his plate.
00:56:15 - Just ask him. He's into you.
00:56:17 - You think he's into me?
00:56:19 - No. No, every celebrity wants to spend their vacation
00:56:23 handing out cookies in a costume.
00:56:25 Don't tell me you're not into him.
00:56:28 - Kay, maybe I'm just a little into him.
00:56:32 - I love you, cuz, but waiting for what you want to find you
00:56:35 is a waste.
00:56:37 - You need to stop hiding behind Bella.
00:56:40 Take charge.
00:56:42 Could change your life and sell tickets.
00:56:45 - Okay, I will go for him.
00:56:47 - Yes. - Professionally.
00:56:50 - Sure. Oh, uh, I put the drinks and the omelet
00:56:53 on the company card. I hope that's okay.
00:56:55 - Yes.
00:56:57 [soft music]
00:57:00 ♪ ♪
00:57:06 - Seeing Aubrey?
00:57:08 - What makes you say that?
00:57:10 - Since when do you wear cologne?
00:57:12 - I always wear cologne.
00:57:14 Too much?
00:57:16 - I have seen you take a nap backstage
00:57:18 20 minutes before a sketch with Obama.
00:57:21 - [sighs]
00:57:22 - How are you nervous now?
00:57:24 - She's great. I mean, she--
00:57:27 we have so much fun together.
00:57:29 She sees things in me I didn't know anyone else could.
00:57:33 - Good.
00:57:35 Show her who you really are.
00:57:37 Not some shameless, noncommittal bachelor
00:57:39 those gossip blogs make you out to be.
00:57:42 It's their words, not mine.
00:57:44 - I appreciate you, Steph. You know that?
00:57:47 - I know you do.
00:57:49 Now, don't screw this up. - Right.
00:57:51 - Bring her something nice.
00:57:54 - [sighs] Okay.
00:57:57 - A nice, not expensive.
00:58:01 - Right.
00:58:04 [romantic music]
00:58:07 ♪ ♪
00:58:08 - Hey. - Hey.
00:58:10 - Sorry I'm late. I was walking over
00:58:11 and saw this in a window.
00:58:15 - Beautiful.
00:58:16 - To remind you of how you killed it at the tree lighting.
00:58:19 It's a well-made item, and it reminded me of you.
00:58:21 - I love it.
00:58:22 Shut up. [laughs]
00:58:24 - Shall we? - Yeah.
00:58:26 - Come on.
00:58:27 I always have my good company.
00:58:29 It's because you're an amazing singer.
00:58:32 - Wow.
00:58:34 It's beautiful.
00:58:35 It's a nice change of pace from a comedy club.
00:58:38 - Yeah, I'm really glad you came.
00:58:39 And not just tonight, but to the comedy club.
00:58:44 - You've made this Christmas pretty fun.
00:58:46 - Really? - Yeah.
00:58:47 - Okay, maybe I should get you an ornament
00:58:49 so you won't forget it. Ooh, I wonder where I can get one
00:58:53 with a mob of children bringing a grown man to tears.
00:58:56 - Don't worry. It's gonna haunt my dreams...
00:58:58 - Mine too. - For a very long time.
00:59:00 And besides, who says I want to go back?
00:59:03 - What are you gonna do here?
00:59:04 As long as Bella's around, I cannot promise your safety.
00:59:06 - Oh, that's a very good point.
00:59:07 I could open up a B&B for the iron bars
00:59:10 I will install on all the windows.
00:59:12 - Of course.
00:59:14 But, yeah, it sounds perfect for when you retire, but
00:59:17 let's not forget you have a movie career.
00:59:20 [laughs]
00:59:22 - It's been really awesome being on stage again,
00:59:26 you know, near people that are important to me.
00:59:29 - Well, then that's where you belong.
00:59:33 - You make a lot of people really mad.
00:59:36 - I think it would make a lot more people happy.
00:59:39 - Are you one of those people?
00:59:43 - I just want what's best for you.
00:59:46 - Most people want something from me.
00:59:50 Not you.
00:59:51 - Can I be honest? - Yeah. Yeah, of course.
00:59:55 - Okay, I'm just gonna get it out.
00:59:56 The social media storm is attracting a lot of attention
01:00:00 and a ton of industry people are coming to the variety show.
01:00:03 - Yeah, yeah, no, it's great.
01:00:05 I think my agent's flying in with some exact--
01:00:07 - Yeah, but we have a ton of industry people
01:00:09 and no locals to laugh, clap, or just enjoy the fun.
01:00:12 And, well, if I have a half-empty room,
01:00:14 then Bella's career is finished,
01:00:16 and then mine just goes down the drain with her.
01:00:18 See, tickets aren't selling, and we really need a headliner,
01:00:23 and a lot of people are asking about you,
01:00:24 and would you just please make my Christmas wish come true?
01:00:27 - Yes, yes, of course. - Really?
01:00:29 - Yes, it would be my pleasure.
01:00:31 - So can Bella announce it at the Snowball Social tonight?
01:00:35 - I have your word, because if the audience start riding,
01:00:37 then I'm actually Bella's designated human shield.
01:00:40 - Let's go sell some tickets. - Okay, I--
01:00:42 - Come on, come on, let's do it.
01:00:44 To the Snowball Social.
01:00:49 - ♪ In that Christmas time feeling ♪
01:00:54 ♪ With family all around ♪
01:00:57 ♪ Sleigh bells in the sky ♪
01:00:58 - Hi there, Nutcracker.
01:01:00 You look beautiful.
01:01:02 - Thank you.
01:01:04 And a reward for the competition.
01:01:06 - She comes with props. What is this?
01:01:08 - Walnut for you. - What? For me?
01:01:10 Oh, my--thank you so much for this.
01:01:12 Do you want me to eat this right now?
01:01:13 - You do. I just crack 'em.
01:01:15 Well, actually, turns out walnuts are really tough to crack.
01:01:18 - Right, that makes sense.
01:01:20 - And who are you supposed to be?
01:01:22 - Jack Frost, baby.
01:01:24 - Handsome.
01:01:26 Like, not as functional as a Nutcracker.
01:01:29 - Not very obvious. - But very handsome.
01:01:31 - Thank you. Aubrey.
01:01:33 - Oh, uh, looks like I gotta--
01:01:35 - Your elf needs some help. - Elf to tag, too.
01:01:37 Okay.
01:01:39 - Well?
01:01:42 - I thought you were supposed to wear a costume.
01:01:44 - Ah, ha, ha. What'd he say?
01:01:47 - He said yes.
01:01:49 He's gonna headline.
01:01:51 - Huh?
01:01:55 - What if he said no?
01:01:57 - I put it on the company card.
01:01:59 - Ooh, I should probably find Bella so she can announce.
01:02:03 - Oh, she actually texted me saying she's running late.
01:02:06 She also asked me to save her a slow dance.
01:02:09 I think I learned my lesson about encouraging older women.
01:02:11 - Why is Mike Baxter in a costume?
01:02:13 - Is it true? Is Mike Baxter headlining the Variety show?
01:02:16 - I hope that's okay. - Okay.
01:02:18 I was about to give away free tickets to the Assisted Living facility.
01:02:21 We'll announce it right before the couples' snowball spotlight dance.
01:02:24 Thank you.
01:02:26 - Well, I should probably help Ian.
01:02:28 - Yeah, yeah, 'cause a simple addition does hurt my brain.
01:02:31 I think I'll be okay.
01:02:33 Go have fun.
01:02:35 - Wanna dance?
01:02:38 [indistinct chatter]
01:02:40 - I think we might sell out tonight, thanks to you.
01:02:49 - What are you talking about? Thanks to you?
01:02:51 Give yourself some credit. You've been working hard.
01:02:53 - The Comedy Club belongs to Bella.
01:02:55 Without her, I wouldn't even have the chance to write.
01:02:57 - Mm-mm, not true.
01:02:59 You write because that's who you are.
01:03:01 But to be honest, from what I've seen,
01:03:04 you are so much more.
01:03:07 - I think when Bella eventually introduces me to her industry friends,
01:03:14 then I can finally make that leap.
01:03:17 - Okay, I had a mentor once who told me that it's a very dangerous thing
01:03:23 to put your entire destiny in someone else's hands.
01:03:27 You don't need Bella's help.
01:03:30 - You didn't have any help.
01:03:32 You said the variety show gave you your first big break up.
01:03:35 Talent scout saw you.
01:03:37 - Oh, he did, but he was only there because I sent him the tickets.
01:03:39 And emailed to make sure that he got the tickets.
01:03:42 And called repeatedly to make sure that he got the email
01:03:44 to make sure that he got the tickets.
01:03:46 And I did the same thing for about 15 others.
01:03:48 One showed up.
01:03:50 - Really? - Yes.
01:03:51 - Look at you. - Mm-hmm.
01:03:53 - Still obnoxious. - Mm-hmm.
01:03:54 - About to be a superhero. - Well, I mean,
01:03:56 the jury is still out on that.
01:03:58 I won't know until after Christmas.
01:04:00 - And what are you doing for Christmas?
01:04:02 - Well, after the show, probably have a very exciting night.
01:04:05 Watering my plants, sorting my mail.
01:04:07 - Very exciting.
01:04:09 - Unless you'd want to spend Christmas together.
01:04:12 But it'll be your fault if my plants die.
01:04:15 - Ladies and gentlemen, our couple spotlight snowball dance is about to start.
01:04:19 But before the romance gets started, our costumed friends from the comedy club
01:04:23 have a huge announcement about the closing of Christmas Fest.
01:04:27 So I know a lot of you know that we've had a special guest here over the holidays.
01:04:31 But you know what? Let me get the team up from the comedy club to tell us more.
01:04:34 Is Bella here?
01:04:35 - No, but Aubrey's here.
01:04:37 - What?
01:04:38 - Aubrey Wilson, come on down.
01:04:40 [cheers and applause]
01:04:45 - Hello.
01:04:47 - As I'm sure some of you have noticed,
01:04:49 we've added a new headliner to our variety show.
01:04:52 - Yeah.
01:04:53 - So I am pleased to announce that--
01:04:56 Mike Baxter will be performing.
01:04:58 (audience applauds)
01:05:01 - Thank you so much, Aubrey, darling.
01:05:04 Aubrey, my assistant, everybody.
01:05:07 Thank you, darling.
01:05:08 Thank you.
01:05:09 Okay, please help me bring to the stage
01:05:12 the Comedy Club superstar comic
01:05:15 and our Christmas headliner, Mike Baxter!
01:05:19 (audience applauds)
01:05:20 - Okay, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go,
01:05:22 here we go, here we go, here we go.
01:05:23 (audience applauds)
01:05:26 - We are so thrilled to have you performing.
01:05:29 And of course, I'll be hosting the dynamic duo.
01:05:33 Right, folks?
01:05:34 Okay, now, don't forget, pick your tickets up tonight
01:05:38 because we are selling out so fast.
01:05:41 - Oh yeah, the hottest show in town
01:05:42 is only three days away.
01:05:43 Please make sure you get your tickets
01:05:45 from the table in the back.
01:05:46 And why don't we get Mr. and Mrs. Jack Frost
01:05:48 to kick off this snowball spotlight dance?
01:05:50 - That's the ice queen to you, darling.
01:05:53 But I will accept the spotlight.
01:05:56 Mike?
01:05:57 - Bella?
01:06:00 ♪ If you say there's more ♪
01:06:08 - I'm so glad you're home.
01:06:09 - Thanks, man, I appreciate that.
01:06:11 It was fun.
01:06:12 - Yes, ma'am.
01:06:13 ♪ And I knew you were going ♪
01:06:19 - I'm not keeping you, am I?
01:06:21 - Want some good news?
01:06:24 - Sure.
01:06:25 - Tickets are sold out, VIP section's full.
01:06:28 It's gonna be a packed house on Christmas Eve.
01:06:30 You did it.
01:06:32 - We did it.
01:06:32 We should get a fantastic show.
01:06:35 - Tomorrow, we celebrate.
01:06:37 - Oh no, no, no, no.
01:06:39 I have to write.
01:06:39 Christmas Eve is three days away
01:06:41 and Bella's gonna need jokes.
01:06:44 - What about Mike?
01:06:45 - You know, I am gonna need an opening act.
01:06:49 - Jack Frost and the ice queen
01:06:50 are a better fit than the nutcracker.
01:06:54 - Thank you for everything.
01:06:56 (gentle music)
01:07:05 - Hello.
01:07:13 - Mike, you're not still out in, what was it, Dakota,
01:07:16 are you?
01:07:17 - Outside Chicago, our third largest city.
01:07:20 - Right, well, listen, I was watching the summer
01:07:22 this morning, I couldn't help but notice
01:07:23 that you were outside crowing.
01:07:25 - What?
01:07:28 - Crowing.
01:07:30 Sunrise, it's what roosters do.
01:07:32 - Yes, thank you, Damon, I know.
01:07:34 What's happening, did I get the part?
01:07:36 - Yes, you got it.
01:07:37 What I'm trying to say is you are officially the rooster.
01:07:40 - Well, actually, I'm rooster man.
01:07:42 - Exactly, listen, the call was morning,
01:07:44 I'm working on a deal right now,
01:07:45 but you are a man of the people.
01:07:47 You sealed the deal.
01:07:48 Congrats.
01:07:53 Congrats.
01:07:54 - Mikey, didn't you hear me?
01:07:57 Did my assistant drop the call?
01:07:58 'Cause if he did, I swear, you brat.
01:08:00 - No, no, I'm here.
01:08:01 Hey, can I call you back?
01:08:03 I have to finish writing my act for the variety show.
01:08:06 - Wait, wait, wait, wait, you're not still performing.
01:08:08 Or, you know, we need you back in LA ASAP.
01:08:10 They need to scan your feet for the prosthetics.
01:08:12 - I can't, I'm headlining.
01:08:13 - No, Mike, you don't understand.
01:08:15 You have to be back in LA.
01:08:16 They're doing a whole song and dance
01:08:17 at one of those conventions, you know,
01:08:18 the ones where the kids get together and watch trailers?
01:08:21 - I just, I need a bit of time to think about this.
01:08:26 - No, there's no time.
01:08:28 My assistant booked you a flight Christmas Eve.
01:08:30 He'll send you the details.
01:08:32 - I'm committed to the club.
01:08:33 - Mike, they will understand.
01:08:35 This is a franchise, Mike.
01:08:36 You've been talking about action figures and bet sheets.
01:08:39 A whole lot of people are counting on you with this.
01:08:42 - Maybe this isn't the right move for me.
01:08:44 - Oh, no, yes it is.
01:08:46 Listen, I will personally bring you the contract myself.
01:08:49 I'm on my way.
01:08:50 - Brandon, are you there?
01:08:51 Listen, Brandon, book me a flight out to, um...
01:08:55 - What, where is this place?
01:08:56 - No, Damon, you really don't need to come here.
01:08:59 - Mikey, listen to me, two words, okay?
01:09:01 Whole grains. - Damon.
01:09:02 - I'll see you soon.
01:09:03 - Damon.
01:09:04 (gentle music)
01:09:11 - It's gonna be a big night.
01:09:14 - At the very least, an expensive one.
01:09:16 Bella asked for last minute decorations,
01:09:18 but, but she did give me my Christmas bonus,
01:09:20 so it's a wash.
01:09:22 - She gave me one too.
01:09:23 Now I remember why I started encouraging older women
01:09:25 in the first place.
01:09:27 This is good stuff.
01:09:28 Can't all be for Bella.
01:09:30 - It's my idea book.
01:09:31 I write anything and everything in it.
01:09:34 - And you should perform it.
01:09:36 You have enough material there.
01:09:37 - Well, I'm a writer.
01:09:39 Besides, anytime I was good,
01:09:40 it's 'cause Mike was up there with me.
01:09:42 - Hi. - Hi.
01:09:43 - I'm Damon Cardona, I represent Mike Baxter.
01:09:45 Are you the cleaning staff?
01:09:47 - Among other things.
01:09:48 You're early for the show.
01:09:49 - No, I'm not here for the show.
01:09:50 I'm just here to pick up Mike.
01:09:51 Is he around?
01:09:53 - Picking up?
01:09:54 - Yeah, I'd love to get to the O'Hare
01:09:56 before the dining lounge fills up.
01:09:58 - I'm sorry, I had to talk to Mike in the last day.
01:10:01 He's leaving?
01:10:03 - Oh, you guys must not read up on the trades.
01:10:05 Okay, listen, Mike booked "Rooster Man,"
01:10:08 so he has to go back to LA to press.
01:10:10 You know, I gotta thank you,
01:10:11 because those viral videos helped us
01:10:14 cross the finish line.
01:10:14 They were amazing.
01:10:16 - Hi, Damon.
01:10:17 - Ah, I told you I would be here.
01:10:19 Listen, I could not let you miss this opportunity.
01:10:21 So I have a car in the back.
01:10:22 If you hurry up, you can get that champagne service.
01:10:24 - Damon, I'm gonna meet you outside, okay?
01:10:27 - Right.
01:10:28 Well, good meeting you.
01:10:30 Merry Christmas.
01:10:31 And don't take too long.
01:10:33 - I think I left my oven on.
01:10:37 I'm gonna, yeah.
01:10:38 - You got the park?
01:10:43 - I wanted to tell you,
01:10:44 but I wasn't sure about taking it, okay?
01:10:46 I needed some time to think.
01:10:48 - Did you?
01:10:49 You could have told me before Damon did.
01:10:51 - I needed to figure out what I was gonna do first.
01:10:53 - And what you figured out was leaving me here
01:10:55 without a headliner,
01:10:56 just backing out at the last minute?
01:10:58 - It's complicated.
01:10:59 And that's why I came over here,
01:11:00 to tell you in person.
01:11:01 I didn't think Damon was gonna find you first.
01:11:04 This has been in the works for such a long time.
01:11:07 I don't have a choice.
01:11:08 - You do, and you made it.
01:11:10 - You don't understand.
01:11:10 People rely on me doing this movie.
01:11:13 The studio can crush you.
01:11:16 Somebody told me that it is a dangerous thing
01:11:18 to leave your destiny in other people's hands.
01:11:20 - I'm sorry.
01:11:24 Trust me, it wasn't an easy decision.
01:11:27 Listen to me, you don't need me for the show.
01:11:32 Okay?
01:11:34 You've got the talent.
01:11:36 The tickets are sold.
01:11:37 It's gonna be a success no matter what.
01:11:39 - Yeah, it will be a success, thank you.
01:11:41 - Aubrey, this is your time.
01:11:46 And it's your time to be a hero on the big screen.
01:11:48 Congratulations.
01:11:49 - Aubrey, you're a star.
01:11:52 You shine on your own.
01:11:53 - Merry Christmas, Mike.
01:11:57 - We don't have a headliner now?
01:12:11 - None of the acts want to replace Mike.
01:12:12 He set the expectations too high.
01:12:14 - Yeah, you set your expectations too high
01:12:16 when you put your faith in that sellout.
01:12:20 And how much is he making for that movie?
01:12:22 Four or five mil?
01:12:24 - Okay, I have a great set.
01:12:25 Maybe you can close.
01:12:27 - Yeah, or maybe you can get that magician you hired
01:12:29 to saw me in half.
01:12:31 Oh, the crowd wants to see the headliner.
01:12:35 They're not gonna be happy until they do.
01:12:38 And a non-happy crowd, they don't laugh.
01:12:41 What are the VIPs gonna think?
01:12:42 - Oh, I cannot believe this is happening to me again.
01:12:46 - Bella, they're your friends.
01:12:48 - Friends don't forget about you.
01:12:49 Friends don't ignore your calls.
01:12:52 Friends broker you million dollar deals,
01:12:54 not advertisements for battery acid
01:12:56 thinly disguised as soda pop.
01:12:59 Looks like we're gonna crash and burn together.
01:13:02 You don't deserve that, Aubrey.
01:13:05 - I'll do it.
01:13:09 - What, crash and burn?
01:13:10 I just said we'll do it together.
01:13:11 - Headline.
01:13:12 The people in town, they've seen me perform.
01:13:14 I have a ton of followers,
01:13:16 and I got us in this situation,
01:13:18 and I'm gonna get us out of it.
01:13:19 - Honey, there are not gonna be a very forgiving crowd.
01:13:23 - I am not gonna let them break me, okay?
01:13:24 I will do it.
01:13:25 - Okay, I'm just gonna tell you,
01:13:29 as much as I wanna see you succeed out there,
01:13:32 just as much I don't want you to
01:13:34 because I don't wanna lose you.
01:13:36 - Impossible, as if you could ever lose me.
01:13:39 I'm only here because of you,
01:13:40 and you'll always be home to me, my love.
01:13:44 - Aubrey, Aubrey, you belong on center stage.
01:13:50 I want you to go out there and claim it.
01:13:53 (knocking)
01:13:55 - Five minutes 'til showtime.
01:13:58 - There she is, the star that saved Christmas.
01:14:02 And you, you're the little dipper.
01:14:09 - Does that mean?
01:14:11 - I, I think I may have just blacked out.
01:14:15 Oh, okay.
01:14:17 - Can you stop celebrating so loudly?
01:14:25 The girls are trying to take a nap.
01:14:27 - I thought a comeback would make me happy.
01:14:33 But Christmas Eve, having to leave you and the girls, and.
01:14:37 (gentle music)
01:14:39 - Look, you know me, I wouldn't do this
01:14:43 if I didn't have a choice.
01:14:44 - But you do.
01:14:45 Well, you always have a choice.
01:14:50 I'm proud of you no matter what you do.
01:14:52 I just want you to be happy.
01:14:54 Forgive me for saying this, but I do not like that man.
01:14:59 - That makes two of us.
01:15:00 - I'm so proud of you.
01:15:05 - I love you.
01:15:06 - I love you.
01:15:08 Go follow your heart.
01:15:09 Or whatever you have to do to make that man leave.
01:15:13 - So, the Rudy sent some of the PR briefs,
01:15:21 so if anyone asks, read the comics your whole life
01:15:24 and you'll be sleeping with chicken coop.
01:15:26 Okay?
01:15:29 - Damon, when do I get to be myself?
01:15:31 - This is yourself, only richer and horrible.
01:15:36 (laughing)
01:15:38 - What is that?
01:15:41 Are those?
01:15:42 - Hey, it's not a--
01:15:47 - Mikey, I said whole grains.
01:15:49 - I wasn't gonna eat the whole thing.
01:15:51 - Here, have some walnuts.
01:15:54 Okay, you know what?
01:16:02 You don't want the walnuts, you don't like them?
01:16:04 How about this, we can get you something else
01:16:06 at the airport, okay?
01:16:07 - I don't need to come back on top.
01:16:09 I don't.
01:16:10 I wanna make people happy again, in my own way.
01:16:15 - Take these, you can have these.
01:16:17 - No. - Put abs on you and post.
01:16:18 - Damon, Damon, Damon, I gotta follow my heart.
01:16:21 Listen to me, we're gonna make this living
01:16:23 very happy and lucrative one, okay?
01:16:26 Trust me.
01:16:27 Stop the car, please.
01:16:28 - No, no, no, don't stop the car, please.
01:16:30 Don't do this, it's Christmas.
01:16:32 We're talking action figures, Mikey.
01:16:34 - Stop the car.
01:16:35 - Just try, action figures, Mikey, veggies.
01:16:40 - Stop the car.
01:16:42 Damon, eat a pastry.
01:16:45 - Mikey, don't do this.
01:16:47 - Trust me.
01:16:47 - I have been naughty all year,
01:16:55 just to save poor Santa the trip.
01:16:57 (laughing)
01:16:59 But really, it's a wonderful life, isn't it, folks?
01:17:02 And we've been blessed this year with a white Christmas,
01:17:05 and we're not home alone.
01:17:07 We're all here together with a great Christmas warm spirit,
01:17:11 ready to enjoy the first Christmas variety concert
01:17:15 that the Comedy Club has put on in years.
01:17:18 Yes, yes!
01:17:19 - Okay.
01:17:23 - You got this, cuz.
01:17:25 - Yeah, they're either gonna love me
01:17:26 or they're gonna hate me.
01:17:27 Oh, they're gonna hate me.
01:17:29 - They're gonna love you.
01:17:31 This is your destiny.
01:17:33 I knew it back then in the treehouse,
01:17:34 and I know it now.
01:17:36 So get out there and make them laugh on Christmas.
01:17:39 - Get ready for a big Christmas surprise.
01:17:41 Now, please put your hands together
01:17:43 and help me welcome to the stage
01:17:46 our very own funny lady, the real queen of--
01:17:49 - Be ready to drop the carton if I faint, please.
01:17:52 - Aubrey Wilson!
01:17:53 Aubrey!
01:17:54 (audience cheering)
01:17:55 Get up here!
01:17:56 (audience cheering)
01:17:59 We are going to have so much fun.
01:18:06 Get up here and slay it.
01:18:08 - Thank you very much.
01:18:11 This is the nicest she has ever been to me.
01:18:13 I don't know what was in that eggnog.
01:18:15 (audience laughing)
01:18:17 Hello, hello.
01:18:19 Wow, let's give it up for Bella Del Domino.
01:18:21 Yes, thank you.
01:18:23 Full house tonight.
01:18:24 Wow.
01:18:26 Yeah, it's here.
01:18:26 December, I know, right?
01:18:28 Yeah, I can already sense the stress levels rising.
01:18:32 Yeah, the most wonderful time of the year,
01:18:36 you know, when all your loved ones
01:18:37 are so close together under one roof.
01:18:41 Yeah, it's great.
01:18:42 I love Christmas.
01:18:43 It is my favorite holiday.
01:18:45 And of course I love my mother, okay?
01:18:47 Yes, she makes my life a little difficult at times.
01:18:50 There's one thing about her that just,
01:18:52 really grinds my gears,
01:18:54 and that is that this angel woman
01:18:56 is just impossible to buy presents for.
01:18:59 So this year I just gave up.
01:19:00 I said, "Mother, please just tell me
01:19:02 "what you want for Christmas,
01:19:03 "and I will just buy it for you."
01:19:04 She finally told me, but you know,
01:19:07 I can't, for the life of me, find it anywhere.
01:19:10 So if any of you know where I can find
01:19:12 better health insurance,
01:19:13 please see me after the show.
01:19:15 (audience laughing)
01:19:18 Yeah, I mean, have you ever looked at your insurance policy?
01:19:22 I mean, those things, they are longer than a--
01:19:24 Of course, Miss Carol, you are in trouble.
01:19:25 I mean, it's madness.
01:19:27 It's like trying to decipher an ancient scroll.
01:19:30 Anyways, I didn't give up,
01:19:31 because I am a very good daughter.
01:19:33 So I just kept looking here and there,
01:19:37 and I looked so hard that I actually
01:19:38 ended up spraining my ankle looking for it.
01:19:43 Or at least I think I did.
01:19:45 I was too afraid to go to the hospital to find out.
01:19:47 (audience laughing)
01:19:50 (audience applauding)
01:19:54 Mike Baxter.
01:20:03 (audience applauding)
01:20:10 Too hard to, um.
01:20:13 Mike Baxter.
01:20:20 You came back, why?
01:20:22 I realized the only comeback I care about
01:20:30 is to the one person that matters to me.
01:20:32 (audience applauding)
01:20:36 I also had some last minute shopping to do.
01:20:44 Ah, there it is.
01:20:46 Yes, your typical male to-do list.
01:20:48 Finish task that should have been done weeks ago,
01:20:51 and interrupt woman getting more attention than you.
01:20:54 (audience applauding)
01:20:57 Thank you so much for having me, Max.
01:21:01 Yeah!
01:21:03 Encore, encore, encore, encore, encore, encore, encore.
01:21:09 Hey, you up?
01:21:13 Come on up and join me here on stage.
01:21:15 You want me to come on stage right now?
01:21:16 Yes, come and join me.
01:21:17 (audience applauding)
01:21:20 I've got some notes.
01:21:31 Yeah, did you learn anything?
01:21:33 What I want most for Christmas.
01:21:36 An apology.
01:21:37 I made a huge mistake.
01:21:40 I'm sorry.
01:21:45 Yeah, well, you're a big action superhero now,
01:21:47 so I'm sure after your first check,
01:21:49 you'll just forget all about me.
01:21:51 I passed.
01:21:52 I wanna be here laughing with you.
01:21:56 If you'll have me.
01:21:59 Mike Baxter, everyone.
01:22:07 (audience applauding)
01:22:12 So, for some of you that may not know,
01:22:15 he was supposed to play a chicken earlier.
01:22:18 Rooster, that's a rooster.
01:22:19 Sorry.
01:22:20 Just politically correct for roosters everywhere.
01:22:23 Ladies and gentlemen, round of applause
01:22:25 for the incredible Aubrey Wilson.
01:22:28 Give it up.
01:22:29 (audience applauding)
01:22:41 Congratulations on a spectacular variety show.
01:22:43 Oh, thank you, Robert.
01:22:45 Any chance you're free to join me for Christmas dinner?
01:22:47 Oh, Robert.
01:22:50 Oh, darling, we were never gonna work out anyway.
01:22:52 You don't have children, do you, Robert?
01:22:56 Hey, execs love you, Mikey.
01:22:59 They're like the wise men,
01:23:00 but they're often on our specials instead of sheep horn.
01:23:03 Whatever.
01:23:04 You did so good.
01:23:04 Come here, man.
01:23:05 Oh, okay.
01:23:07 And you look fantastic.
01:23:09 David, David, Merry Christmas.
01:23:12 Are you sure about Rooster Neck?
01:23:15 Because I bet we can work something out
01:23:18 right between the two of us,
01:23:19 because practically it's shooting in CGI.
01:23:21 If you're on stage-
01:23:22 David, I'd like to introduce you to Aubrey Wilson.
01:23:24 I think she'd make a great client for the agency.
01:23:27 Hi, nice to meet you.
01:23:30 You know, I love to talk,
01:23:35 and you can have the pick of any agent you want,
01:23:38 especially with his endorsement.
01:23:39 Thank you, I will call you.
01:23:42 Of course, looking forward to it.
01:23:44 You were wonderful, darling.
01:23:49 I just couldn't break my heart to lose you.
01:23:52 Unless you decide to stay,
01:23:54 in which case I'll just have to fire you.
01:23:57 I think if I'm going on tour,
01:24:00 I'm gonna need an opening act.
01:24:01 Oh, I don't know about an opening act, Mike Baxter.
01:24:05 I might consider co-headlining with you or-
01:24:08 Sorry.
01:24:09 Oh, sorry.
01:24:10 Oh my goodness, well, I'm gonna leave you two to discuss,
01:24:16 and remember, you always have a home here
01:24:19 at the comedy club, the both of you.
01:24:22 Thanks, Bella.
01:24:23 What a darling couple.
01:24:25 (laughing)
01:24:27 Oh, Bella.
01:24:28 Were you serious about going on tour?
01:24:33 Definitely.
01:24:35 Well, you'll steal the show,
01:24:37 but keeps me from losing you again.
01:24:40 Worth the trade-off.
01:24:41 Yeah, well, I'm not like those Hollywood girls.
01:24:44 I know.
01:24:44 You're much funnier,
01:24:47 and you're also perfect.
01:24:50 This is the best Christmas ever.
01:24:53 So does this mean you'll wait for Santa with me?
01:24:57 Tonight, you never answered me at the social.
01:25:00 Absolutely.
01:25:02 Merry Christmas, Mike Baxter.
01:25:04 Merry Christmas, Aubrey Wilson.
01:25:06 (gentle music)
01:25:10 All right, so I've got one more for you,
01:25:32 and this is a love song.
01:25:34 Yee-haw!
01:25:37 ♪ I really, really like you ♪
01:25:43 ♪ I'm desperate for a kiss ♪
01:25:46 ♪ I asked you out at a holiday party ♪
01:25:48 ♪ But something was amiss ♪
01:25:51 ♪ You came a-looking over your shoulder ♪
01:25:54 ♪ Telling me it's time to go ♪
01:25:57 ♪ But I looked so calm ♪
01:25:58 ♪ And I saw her under mistletoe ♪
01:26:02 Yes!
01:26:03 ♪ Kiss me ♪
01:26:04 ♪ I didn't make up the rules ♪
01:26:07 ♪ Don't you dare diss me ♪
01:26:10 ♪ That'd make me feel like such a fool ♪
01:26:14 ♪ I'm leaning in towards your face now ♪
01:26:16 ♪ It's something that I want to achieve ♪
01:26:19 ♪ And if you will allow it ♪
01:26:21 ♪ We can kiss till New Year's Eve ♪
01:26:25 Thank you very much.
01:26:26 You've been a great audience.
01:26:27 Thank you.
01:26:28 (audience applauding)
01:26:29 (upbeat jazz music)
01:26:32 (upbeat jazz music)
01:26:35 (upbeat jazz music)
01:26:38 (upbeat jazz music)
01:26:41 (upbeat jazz music)
01:27:00 (upbeat jazz music)
01:27:03 (dramatic music)
01:27:18 (dramatic music)
01:27:21 (dramatic music)
01:27:24 (upbeat music)
01:27:27 [BLANK_AUDIO]