Emotional tribute to 16-year-old Fred Shand, one year on from the murder which shocked Northampton
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00:00 [Music]
00:16 How does your heart go from beating twice as fast to feeling like it's been left behind in the past?
00:21 I'm finding this hard. I can't go to see my boy or even write him a card. I won't see him get married.
00:27 I can't buy him a car. Fred, are you flying with stars? Are you in a parallel world? Are you higher than Mars?
00:33 When will I get a chance to see you again? Do I write in advance? There are so many questions I've been trying to ask.
00:41 Does this moment in time signal the end of another? When your mum passed away we would fend for each other.
00:47 You're a friend and a brother. There are thoughts in my mind going ten to a dozen. You were sent from above, son.
00:54 I had to call back home and scream they've taken a loved one. I knew there and then all the damage it would do.
01:00 The shock waves crossed the ocean and tore a family in two. If I told my antagonist to stand in my shoes,
01:06 they'd curl up at the bottom of the landing confused. It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders
01:12 with bloodshot eyes and blisters on my feet. Through the pebbles, the stones, the rocks and the boulders.
01:18 If I cry in silence, will they listen when I speak? But I can't find my voice when I'm semi-conscious.
01:25 Where it's hard to wake up, but it's difficult to sleep. I think the family look to me as the strongest.
01:31 But deep down inside I'm falling to pieces. Our family tree has stood the test of time.
01:37 Through the wind and the rain and we still added branches. But when you lose your boy like I lost mine,
01:43 that's when you know what an avalanche is. Have you ever been suspended in disbelief?
01:48 Where it feels like you're living on borrowed time. My tears tell a story, a dad flooded by grief.
01:54 Overflowing with love but feeling hollow inside. I hope God is your guide and you're painting the horizon.
02:01 I just know he gave you wings and you're an angel beside us. We're all made up of stardust.
02:06 But you're a ray of light and you amazed me as a father. So I don't know if I'll come back to my senses.
02:13 The pain of losing you is practically endless. Now I'm feeling fragmented.
02:17 Because you changed my life and I changed my life for you. And in the book of my life you were a highlight for true.
02:23 Well you fly like balloons. And when the skyline is blue I know it's you looking down like the twilight of the moon.
02:30 We used to play football and we used to make food. You used to say good evening. I taught you not to be rude.
02:36 You used to fix my phone and go shop for me too. We used to watch films at view but there's a lot we didn't do.
02:43 Somebody locked me in a room. Now I'm incarcerated with no parole and no release date.
02:48 Just me, myself and my mind state. I'm not coping much these days.
02:52 Because what happened to us is inconsistent with nature. No parent should have to bury their child's future.
02:59 Your clothes are still in the wardrobe. Your Xbox in your gaming chair.
03:04 Your room's exactly how you left it. I made sure when I prayed in there.
03:08 And I was on my knees near your Bible on the side. Reading your friends names on the football top they signed.
03:14 And then I closed my eyes. Reached for your hand. And joined you in my dreams. Me and my boy Fred Chand.
03:23 In the name of your son Jesus Christ we humbly come to you this day.
03:31 As we remember the life of your servant Fred who was tragically taken away from his father, family and friends.
03:41 But you have seen it fit into promoting the glory.
03:45 We celebrate today the life of this handsome, talented and dedicated young man.
03:52 Oh God and Father.
03:54 [Silence]