The episode of Two Wheels is made up of requested items fom the series and finishes up with Two Wheels outtakes by the presenters. Jeff and Wayne test some scooters, talk to members of the trial riders federation and there's clips from the Classic Bike Show.
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MotorTranscript
00:00 [Music]
00:27 On Two Wheels this week, some more of your favourite clips, including Jeff and Wayne
00:32 riding some scooters, and Jeff enthusing about some old classics, plus some off-road riding
00:38 and the bits you've all been waiting for, some new two-wheel cock-ups.
00:42 [Music]
00:48 We're road testing today a poo. Oh sorry, it's not poo, as it says on the seat, it's
00:54 PGO. A PGO PMX90 scooter. It's actually a bit of an off-on-road version, so I'm going
01:02 to see if we can have a bit of fun on and off-road.
01:06 [Music]
01:29 So, although this little baby was designed as an on-off-road machine, they forgot to
01:35 put some lumpy, knobbly tyres on it. It's got 120 low-section, 12-inch road tyres. What
01:42 the heck, it adds to the fun.
01:43 [Music]
01:49 So, 20-odd miles to the gallon, 40-odd miles to the gallon, 80-odd miles to the gallon.
01:54 You'd think 80 was quite economical, wouldn't you? This is better, because this is a zero-emission
02:00 jobby. It doesn't take petrol as we know it, diesel as we know it, it's a plug-in-the-ball
02:05 jobby, electronic. In fact, there's more emission comes out of a cow's backside, stood in a
02:11 field, than this will do in a year. I'm going to have a go of it and see what it's like.
02:16 [Music]
02:26 Speed camera there, catch me if you can.
02:29 [Music]
02:38 The Malaguti Firefox F15RR is an example of the new breed of scooter. Its name sounds
02:44 like America's latest fighter plane, and it even looks like something straight out of
02:48 Star Wars. Streamlined and aggressive styling might look a bit too intimidating for Mrs
02:53 Jones down at the local post office, but not to me, or to Troy Bayliss of Team GSE Ducati.
03:01 Because Troy's got one of these to whiz around the pits on, and so have BAR, the new F1 team.
03:05 In fact, they've got eight of them. So why these racy scooters? Its 70cc liquid-cooled
03:11 two-stroke motor is a peach. It sounds a bit like a chainsaw, but it pulls strongly, and
03:16 with its automatic clutch and variable belt transmission, you can just wind it on and
03:20 go.
03:22 High-speed handling on a bumpy road is, though, shall we say, exciting. 60 miles an hour on
03:28 a pogo stick is perhaps an exaggeration, and you do get used to it. But what do you expect
03:33 with little wheels, and at 92 kilos, half the weight of a CBR600?
03:38 Comfort-wise, it's fine. You're perched on it, of course, but you soon get used to that,
03:43 and the bodywork certainly keeps your kicks clean.
03:46 [MUSIC PLAYING]
03:48 [ENGINE REVVING]
03:50 [MUSIC PLAYING]
04:16 [MUSIC PLAYING]
04:18 You know, I saw him out a ride on a scooter, and he bloody disappears. Oh, nice to see
04:28 you again. Thanks for coming back.
04:29 Shut up, Morgan, will you? I've been having a go at myself on my little scooter, and I've
04:33 enjoyed every little bit of it.
04:34 Good. I'm very pleased by the way.
04:36 Will you, er, hold on to them? I'll get another one.
04:40 I know what else. Take this.
04:42 [MUSIC PLAYING]
04:45 What is the TRF, to the people who don't know, and what do you get up to?
04:50 The TRF is the Trail Riders Fellowship. It's a national organisation dedicated to the preservation
04:55 of green lanes and unsurfaced, untarmoured legal roads.
04:59 So is it a massive organisation? Do you have loads and loads of members?
05:01 Oh, there's about 2,000 members nationally, and it's organised by county or by region.
05:06 For example, in Lancashire, we have some 40 or 50 members. In Ribble Valley, which is
05:10 also part of Lancashire, they have another 40 members. I think the Peak District has
05:14 three districts in it. And it covers most of England and Wales, but not Scotland, because
05:18 there's different laws applying in Scotland.
05:20 Oh, right. Well, different laws as regards to using different parts of the countryside?
05:24 Different laws applying to rights of way, yes.
05:26 Right. Right. OK. So do you... It sounds rather like an owners' club in a way. It's a national
05:31 thing, but there's branches throughout the country. Do you get together with other people,
05:34 and you go and visit them, and they come and ride in your path?
05:36 Yeah, very much so. We'll go and stay for a weekend with a group down in the south of
05:40 England, and they'll come up to ride with us in Lancashire and in Yorkshire, or in the
05:44 Peak District. I've just led a group over in the Isle of Man for a long weekend, and
05:48 Isle of Man's excellent for trail riding.
05:49 Yeah. Oh, I can imagine. Well, what kind of people do you get? I would imagine you don't
05:54 get the boy racer. Is that right?
05:55 Yes. I think the odd boy racer that comes finds us, perhaps it's not for him, because
05:59 one thing we're not doing is racing. We're riding responsibly and using only legal roads,
06:06 which gives us opportunities to see the countryside and yet sort of preserve the roads that we've
06:11 got.
06:12 And a great thing on an off-road bike, you should all have this massive advantage, one
06:37 of these, an electric start. Easy.
06:44 The riding too can be as easy or as difficult as you want to make it. You find your own
06:48 limits and you ride within them. Nobody pushes you to go faster, and nobody laughs when you
06:53 fall off.
07:01 And so, after lunch, we took our bikes up to 9,000 feet. Now, you wouldn't really expect
07:07 to come to the Pyrenees and not find some snow, and it's not often you get a chance
07:11 to ride your bike through 12 inches of the stuff.
07:15 And that's not how to do it. The idea is keep the weight on the back, keep the front wheel
07:20 light and that's it. Easy as that. Here's John scoring 10 out of 10 for artistic impression.
07:26 Look at that, wonderful.
07:53 I did actually fall off at least a couple of times or got stuck. The great thing was
07:57 nobody got hurt and no bikes got damaged. And contrary to what these pictures would
08:02 have you believe, I did actually make it across once or twice. Honest.
08:10 So here is that commando of your dreams. This one, 1972, 750, only 17,000 miles on the clock.
08:19 It'll cost you just 4,000 pounds. And what do you get for that? Great big motor, 750
08:25 vertical twin motor, iron barrel, alloy head. And this one, this is the isoelastic engine
08:31 or isoelastic frame, if you like, because it was mounted in these mountings front and
08:34 rear, rubber mounted to take some of those vibes out of it.
08:38 Up the front end, you've got what look like spindly forks now, but down at the bottom
08:42 there, twin leading shoe front brake. No discs, no six-pot, none of that business. Brake shoes
08:48 in there. As you can see from this linkage down the bottom, operates that rod and pulls
08:54 the shoes on. Both of them are actuated. So you get a leading shoe and a trailing shoe
08:58 and it should stop you with a bit of luck.
09:00 Of course, no British bike show would be complete without classic British metal. Beautiful rudges,
09:06 AJSs, shiny sunbeams, even a 1917 550 dispatch rider's bike complete with a wicker basket.
09:14 There were two-stroke dots, MV Augustas with Phil Reed even putting in an appearance, some
09:20 very weird scooters and of course, some illustrious Vincents.
09:24 But if you're in the market for rebuilding one of your classic machines, you need to
09:29 get spare parts. And outside and inside the hall, are ranges and ranges of spare parts,
09:35 rusty ones, corroded aluminium, but nevertheless, it's probably got that priceless component
09:41 that you want.
09:43 And that's the essence of the Bonneville. It's a bike to appeal to the traditionalists,
09:50 the steam engine and narrowboat fan if you like. You can thrash them and they'll take
09:54 it, but you're better off letting it burble rather than blast. The handling and road holding
09:59 are a revelation. It's got a giant bicycle feel to it. The 19-inch front and 18-inch
10:06 rear wheels and skinny tyres belong to a slower-paced world. Likewise, the cable-operated
10:12 brakes, they do the job, but with manpower, not hydraulics to help you. So it pays to
10:17 plan ahead.
10:18 And perhaps that's the real attraction. Just look at it. I mean, it's a classy bike and
10:24 it's got that certain rightness about it.
10:27 Look at the front view, narrow and all tucked in. Equally, look at the back, nice pea-shooter
10:37 sinuses either side of that narrow Dunlop tyre. No excess baggage, just function.
10:44 Well you've heard of the Milky Bar kid, how about the Milky Bike kid? Not really me, it
10:48 doesn't suit me, does it? But this little dot, 122cc, two-stroke engine, look at it,
10:53 tiny little thing down there. That heaved around this little three-wheeler designed
10:57 to deliver milk in this case, but you could also have it as an ice cream wagon. In fact,
11:02 everything, even a spare parts wagon, a little truck for taking bits and pieces around. So
11:06 this is one three-wheeler, but there's another one behind me over there which you've just
11:10 got to see.
11:11 Now this is a three-wheeler like you've never seen before. In fact, I've got to look at
11:15 the notes here. Belongs to a private collector, 1901, and it's a Slinger, and it's a special.
11:22 I'd say it's very, very special. Three and a half horsepower engine. Now just look at
11:27 this engine. Now liquid cooling, all the vogue, right? This is water cooling. Can you imagine
11:33 this? All polished up, gleaming. Two wheels there, a brake on that second wheel I can
11:37 see. Look at the carburettor way back there on a big rubber hose. An amazing thing.
11:44 Now if you've got a modern sports bike today, or perhaps a Harley, you'll think you're going
11:48 to be noticed. If you had one of these, you would be noticed.
11:56 Well, that's the Classic Bike Show. Some absolutely fabulous bikes here, and I hope
12:03 you've enjoyed the show so far. But at the end of the day, there is a competition to
12:20 this to win the best bike in the show, and this is it. Vincent "Grey" Flash entered in
12:26 the TT in maculate condition, restored. A lot of time, a lot of expense, but a wonderful
12:32 bike. You've got to meet that if you want to win Best Bike.
12:35 [music]
12:42 Still to come on this week's show, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
12:49 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
13:16 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
13:24 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
13:32 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
13:40 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
13:48 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
13:56 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
14:03 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
14:11 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
14:18 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
14:25 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
14:33 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
14:40 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
14:47 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
14:55 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike,
15:02 a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike,
15:10 a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new
15:18 bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike, a new bike,
15:26 Well I think I've got it caught round my goolies.
15:28 Born to be wild!
15:54 OK? OK.
15:56 Turn the bars to one side, press on there, lift up the old flap and there's your fuel filler cap.
16:03 This is the latest offering from Triumph, the 900cc Tiger, which was actually launched
16:11 back in 1992, but it's remained more or less unchanged until this update for 1999.
16:19 One of the joys of motorcycling in this country is the wonderful British climate.
16:24 You get out on your bike in nice leathers with the vents open and have a lovely day in the sunshine.
16:31 Not today, because it's absolutely f***ing down in Bristol, so I'm staying in the car.
16:40 [Breathing heavily]
16:45 [Laughing]
16:48 Are we rolling?
16:50 Yep.
16:51 And what have you got in here? You've got an 11... 47 is it? What's the size of the engine?
16:55 1137.
16:56 1137, 1164 isn't it?
16:58 That was good up to there, so...
17:00 I'll be the prompt.
17:02 [Laughing]
17:03 1137 was...
17:04 [Laughing]
17:06 And some retro style chrome back wing mirrors, which are actually very good.
17:09 You get more than a wing mirror full...
17:12 Oh, which is actually very good. We can cut that there.
17:14 I was going to say...
17:16 I was just going to say something about you can see, you know, you can see what's behind you.
17:21 [Laughing]
17:23 I'll stop there.
17:25 And I'll carry on when the car's gone.
17:28 Yes, I did say 1300.
17:31 You'd have thought an XJR 1200 was perfectly big enough, but obviously not.
17:35 So now it's a 13.
17:37 But it is basically the same engine, just bored out bigger pistons, stronger conrods, all the rest of it.
17:42 And it's really the same engine as Yamaha using their FJ 1200.
17:46 It's a f***ing car coming again. I'm f***ed off now with this.
17:49 [Laughing]
17:50 Tell them about the brakes, Jeff.
17:51 What about the exhaust?
17:52 What do you think? Completely made up.
17:55 It made perfect sense to me.
17:57 It's make up, it's my hair alright.
17:59 Lovey.
18:00 Light Grossman impression, because nobody would know that's who it f***ing is.
18:05 Paul, it's over to you.
18:07 [Laughing]
18:16 Can't believe I'm doing that.
18:18 So how was that?
18:19 It's a f***ing good show.
18:22 I got the soul, I got the soul.
18:26 [Laughing]
18:29 Arseholes.
18:32 I don't want to ask.
18:34 Our souls.
18:36 [Laughing]
18:43 Get out!
18:48 You're making me skate.
18:50 Honda have shoulder, shoulder, shoulder.
18:53 F***ing hell, stay there Dan.
18:55 La la la la.
18:58 [Splash]
18:59 Let's just turn to the engine for a moment, because the engine is the triple, as everyone knows.
19:10 But what they've done with this one, they've altered the cams, they've altered the fuel injection.
19:14 What else have they altered Dan?
19:17 Fuel injection, cams and engine management system.
19:19 Three cylinders as you know, the famous triple.
19:24 But on this one they've actually altered the fuel injection system, they've changed the cams and they've altered the engine management system.
19:30 All to give that extra torque in the mid-range.
19:32 With this one you've also got a very nice aftermarket pipe.
19:36 Not strictly aftermarket because it is Triumph's, but it'll cost you £368.
19:41 Even the cows approve as you can hear.
19:43 Turning somersaults and circles is something I do regularly.
19:48 Talking of turning, if we turn to other things such as the engine, the three cylinder is unique in itself.
19:54 But on this one they've actually altered the engine management system, they've changed the fuel injection and it's got different cams.
20:00 And it's all to give you that more rounded feel in the mid-range, that torquiness to it.
20:04 This one's also got an optional...
20:06 Paul is there with a fancy sports f***ing thing.
20:10 Securities, there are loads of different types as you already know.
20:15 I mean you've got your lock and chains, and you've got your dislock, and you've got your sort of cable attached to a U-lock.
20:21 But alarms, they're complicated. Even dummies like me can't understand alarms.
20:26 The problem we have is there's so many questions you can put forward because there's so many...
20:31 That was a load of s***. I'm going to have to start again.
20:34 What a f***ing load of s*** that was.
20:37 The brakes, well they stop you well enough.
20:40 And in fact they're not dissimilar to what you get on a 125cc machine, so they're bound to stop you quite well.
20:46 The only thing I must mention is the mirrors, although they look very pretty, you can't see much more than your elbows.
20:54 So, got to bear that in mind. Maybe you could just swap them for longer stems.
20:59 You can say, "Ah, that's crap."
21:01 Something else, it's all...
21:03 And again.
21:04 Something else, it's got a very low seat height.
21:08 As you can see...
21:10 And something else, it's got a very low seat height.
21:18 And while I'm talking about the seat, see this little tailpiece on here?
21:22 All that covers up is the pillion perch, and it is a bit of a perch.
21:25 But you just take the seat off, unclip that, and it really is a two-seater.
21:29 But as I say, bit of a perch there, but you've got your little pillion rest.
21:33 And I forgot what else I was going to say. What else was I going to say, Paul?
21:37 Something else, it's got is a very low seat height, which is very useful for those of us...
21:42 Something else, it's got is a very low seat height, which is very useful for those of...
21:48 And something else, it's got is a very low seat height, which is very useful for those people of...
21:56 And something else, it's got a very low seat height, which is very useful for those people of, let's say...
22:06 And something else, as you can see, it's got a very low seat height, which is very useful for short people.
22:11 This is a classic, this is.
22:20 And something else, as you can see, it's got a very low seat height, which is very useful for those people of, let's, shall we say, a shorter disposition.
22:29 But that's not to be non-PC, as you were.
22:33 But, that would have worked. No, that worked okay. I'm not going to do that again.
22:38 And on Two Wheels next week, Claire visits Mallory Park for some wheelies, stoppies, burnouts and things you'd never have thought possible on a motorcycle.
22:53 It's the grand finale of this year's European Stunt Championships.
22:59 [Tires screeching]
23:01 [Music]
23:29 (bells chiming)