Alice In Wonderland (1966)

  • 5 months ago
Transcript
00:00:00 [wind howling]
00:00:02 There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
00:00:11 the earth and every common sight,
00:00:13 to me did seem apparelled in celestial light,
00:00:16 the glory and the freshness of a dream.
00:00:19 [bells ringing]
00:00:21 [bells ringing]
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00:00:39 [indistinct chatter]
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00:01:35 [birds chirping]
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00:02:01 [bells ringing]
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00:02:25 [birds chirping]
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00:02:35 (gentle music)
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00:04:06 (upbeat music)
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00:05:27 (door creaking)
00:05:52 - How queer everything is today.
00:05:54 I wonder if I've been changed in the night.
00:05:59 Let me think, was I the same when I got up this morning?
00:06:05 I almost think I can remember being a little different.
00:06:10 But if I'm not the same,
00:06:20 the next question is, who in the world am I?
00:06:23 Ah, that's the great puzzle.
00:06:28 Who am I?
00:06:29 (gentle music)
00:06:44 (gentle music)
00:06:47 I'll try to find out what things I used to know.
00:07:07 Let me see.
00:07:08 Four times five is 12.
00:07:12 And four times six is 13.
00:07:14 And four times seven is...
00:07:20 And four times seven is...
00:07:22 (gentle music)
00:07:25 (gentle music)
00:07:27 (gentle music)
00:07:30 (gentle music)
00:07:33 (gentle music)
00:07:35 (gentle music)
00:07:38 (gentle music)
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00:07:46 (gentle music)
00:07:51 (gentle music)
00:07:59 (gentle music)
00:08:04 (gentle music)
00:08:06 Curiouser and curiouser.
00:08:23 How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail?
00:08:32 And pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale?
00:08:37 (gentle music)
00:08:41 (gentle music)
00:08:46 (wind howling)
00:08:53 (wind howling)
00:08:55 I think the main problem is how we all get dry.
00:09:22 If you'd all be quiet and listen to me,
00:09:24 I'll soon make you dry enough.
00:09:26 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:09:28 - Are you ready?
00:09:29 Here is the driest thing that I know.
00:09:31 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:09:32 - Silence all around, please.
00:09:35 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:09:36 - William Conqueror, whose cause was favored by the Pope,
00:09:42 was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders,
00:09:46 and were of late much accustomed
00:09:48 to use of patience and conquest.
00:09:51 Edwin and Mocha, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--
00:09:56 - I have never been so bored in my life.
00:10:00 - Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:10:02 - Did you speak?
00:10:03 - No, not a word.
00:10:05 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:06 - I thought you did.
00:10:07 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:08 - I shall proceed.
00:10:10 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:11 - Edwin and Mocha, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria,
00:10:16 soon declared for him.
00:10:17 - Ah!
00:10:18 (Mocha growling)
00:10:19 - Edwin Stigund, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury,
00:10:24 found it advisable to go with Edgar Eighthling
00:10:27 and offer William the crown.
00:10:29 While the country still reeled
00:10:32 under the shock of the conquest,
00:10:34 the Conqueror followed it by introducing the feudal system,
00:10:38 which was hardly a ray of sunshine,
00:10:42 as it drove a coach and horses
00:10:44 through the middle of the Anglo-Saxon polity.
00:10:47 - Oh, Stigund, Stigund.
00:10:50 How are you getting on now, my dear?
00:10:51 - Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:53 - Oh, in that case, I move that this meeting adjourn
00:10:57 for more energetic measures.
00:10:59 And I think a good thing would be to have a caucus race.
00:11:04 - What's a caucus race?
00:11:05 - Well, best way to explain it is for us all to do it.
00:11:10 - Come along, come along.
00:11:13 (dramatic music)
00:11:16 (chanting)
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00:12:01 (chanting)
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00:12:06 (chanting)
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00:12:31 (chanting)
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00:12:35 (chanting)
00:12:38 (chattering)
00:12:48 (chattering)
00:12:51 - All right, the race is over.
00:13:14 (chanting)
00:13:17 Everybody's won and everyone must have prizes.
00:13:21 (chanting)
00:13:23 - Prizes.
00:13:31 Prizes.
00:13:33 Prizes.
00:13:35 - Who's to give the prizes?
00:13:37 - Why, she will, of course.
00:13:39 - Prize for prize. - Prizes.
00:13:42 (chanting)
00:13:44 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:13:46 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:13:48 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:13:50 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:13:52 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:13:54 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:13:56 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:13:58 - Prizes. - Prizes.
00:14:00 (chattering)
00:14:02 - She must have a prize herself, of course.
00:14:05 - Well, of course she must.
00:14:08 What else have you got in your pocket, eh?
00:14:11 - Only a thimble.
00:14:13 - Oh, let me see.
00:14:15 Ooh.
00:14:17 I beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble.
00:14:21 (chanting)
00:14:23 - Perhaps you would care to continue with your story.
00:14:27 - You obviously have your own methods of drying off.
00:14:30 I don't see why I should waste my breath on it anymore.
00:14:33 (chanting)
00:14:36 - I'll do nothing of the sort.
00:14:39 - What a pity he wouldn't stay.
00:14:42 - Come along, come along, we're late.
00:14:46 (birds chirping)
00:14:49 (soft music)
00:14:52 (birds chirping)
00:14:55 (soft music)
00:14:58 (birds chirping)
00:15:00 - Marianne, Marianne, fetch me my gloves this moment.
00:15:04 (birds chirping)
00:15:07 (soft music)
00:15:10 (birds chirping)
00:15:13 (soft music)
00:15:16 (chattering)
00:15:19 (soft music)
00:15:22 (chattering)
00:15:25 (soft music)
00:15:28 (chattering)
00:15:31 (soft music)
00:15:34 - I'm sure I'm not Ada.
00:15:36 She's got long ringlets.
00:15:38 My hair doesn't go ringlets at all.
00:15:42 And I'm sure I can't be Mabel,
00:15:45 'cause I know all sorts of things,
00:15:47 and she knows nothing.
00:15:49 Besides, she's she, and I...
00:15:54 Oh dear, how puzzling it all is.
00:15:58 (soft music)
00:16:01 (soft music)
00:16:04 (soft music)
00:16:07 I'd love the little crocodile improve his shining tail and pour the waters off the knife on every golden scale.
00:16:13 How cheerfully he seems to grin and neatly spread his claws and welcome little fishes in with gently smiling jaws.
00:16:19 (sigh)
00:16:21 I must be Mabel after all.
00:16:25 Oh, I'll have to go and live in that perky little house.
00:16:29 Marianne, do you hear me? Fetch me my gloves and fan.
00:16:35 I'll go round and get in the window.
00:16:37 (growling)
00:16:39 (gurgling)
00:16:41 (gurgling)
00:16:46 Marianne.
00:16:47 (howling)
00:16:49 What a barrelful we'll do to begin with.
00:16:52 A barrelful of what?
00:16:55 (gurgling)
00:17:03 We must burn the house down.
00:17:05 (howling)
00:17:14 (music)
00:17:24 (music)
00:17:34 (music)
00:17:44 (music)
00:17:54 (music)
00:18:04 Who are you?
00:18:06 (music)
00:18:23 Who are you?
00:18:25 Come on, don't just stand there.
00:18:29 Who are you?
00:18:31 I'm afraid I don't know just at the moment.
00:18:34 I know who I was when I got up this morning but I think I've changed several times since then.
00:18:39 What on dirt would you mean by that exactly?
00:18:44 Explain yourself.
00:18:46 I can't explain myself. I'm not myself you see.
00:18:50 No, I don't see.
00:18:53 I can't put it any more clearly I'm afraid.
00:18:56 Because I don't understand it myself.
00:18:59 It's very confusing changing sides so often.
00:19:02 It's not at all.
00:19:05 I imagine you'll feel a bit queer when you change sides, won't you?
00:19:11 Not a bit.
00:19:13 It feels very queer to me.
00:19:15 Who are you?
00:19:17 I think you ought to tell me who you are first.
00:19:20 Why?
00:19:22 Come back!
00:19:26 I have something important to say.
00:19:34 Yes?
00:19:40 Keep your temper.
00:19:44 Is that all?
00:19:47 No.
00:19:49 So...
00:20:07 You're thinking of changing, are you?
00:20:10 I'm afraid I am. You see I can't remember things I used to.
00:20:14 And I can't stay the same size for more than ten minutes together.
00:20:18 What sort of things?
00:20:21 Well I've tried to say how doth a little busy be but it came out all different.
00:20:26 Very well.
00:20:29 Repeat...
00:20:31 You are old Father William.
00:20:34 You are old Father William the young man said.
00:20:39 And your hair's become very white.
00:20:42 And yet you incessantly stand on your head.
00:20:45 Do you think at your age it is right?
00:20:48 In my youth said the sage as he shook his grey locks.
00:20:52 Um...
00:20:54 Um...
00:20:57 In my youth said the sage as he shook his grey locks.
00:21:01 I kept all my limbs very supple.
00:21:05 By the use of this ointment...
00:21:11 One shilling the box allow me to sell you a couple.
00:21:15 You are old said the youth.
00:21:18 And your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than... than sewage.
00:21:23 Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
00:21:33 Be off or I'll kick you downstairs.
00:21:39 That's not quite right.
00:21:42 I'm afraid some of the words seem to have got altered.
00:21:46 Oh is it wrong from beginning to end?
00:21:50 What size do you want to be?
00:21:54 I'm not particular as to size.
00:21:56 It's just that one doesn't like changing so often you know.
00:21:59 No I don't know.
00:22:01 Are you happy now?
00:22:03 Well I'd like to be a little larger.
00:22:07 Sheetings are very nice size to me.
00:22:10 But I'm not used to it.
00:22:12 Hmm.
00:22:14 You'll get used to it in time.
00:22:18 You'll never make them people hear in there you see.
00:22:33 Because they're like they're making too much noise themselves.
00:22:36 I mean you follow the meat.
00:22:37 No you can hear them.
00:22:39 Well how am I to get in then?
00:22:42 Oh excuse me a moment.
00:22:57 Something seems to be cropping up in this area over here.
00:23:01 Invitation from the Queen.
00:23:03 But that's just a play croquet.
00:23:06 This is one then is it?
00:23:13 Yes right.
00:23:17 Thank you.
00:23:19 Just sink quietly out of sight for me.
00:23:30 Now then.
00:23:32 I'll tell you what I'll do.
00:23:35 I'll tell you what I'll do for you.
00:23:37 Nothing.
00:23:39 How's that? Any good to you at all? Nothing?
00:23:41 I mean I wouldn't be able to do it straight away.
00:23:43 I'll say that you see.
00:23:44 I couldn't possibly do it straight away because I've got all these things cropping up you see.
00:23:48 I have to deal with.
00:23:50 Well I mean you saw just now something cropped up there you see.
00:23:54 That's the same type of thing I get cropping up all the time you see.
00:23:58 Naturally I've got my hands full but if I was to do nothing for you.
00:24:03 I can't promise I could but if I was to do nothing for you.
00:24:06 I'd have to sort of find a time you see when I could squeeze it in.
00:24:10 You see what I mean?
00:24:11 I think you're absolutely idiotic.
00:24:13 Hmm hmm.
00:24:15 Well maybe I am.
00:24:17 Maybe I'm not.
00:24:20 [cat meowing]
00:24:22 Why does your cat look like that?
00:24:44 It's a Cheshire cat.
00:24:48 Pig.
00:24:50 I didn't know the Cheshire cats looked like that.
00:24:52 All of them can and most of them do.
00:24:54 I don't know that any of them do.
00:24:56 Oh you don't know much that's a fact.
00:24:58 [crying]
00:25:00 [sniffing]
00:25:02 [cat meowing]
00:25:04 [cat meowing]
00:25:06 [cat meowing]
00:25:08 [crying]
00:25:10 [crying]
00:25:12 [crying]
00:25:14 Here we go.
00:25:16 [crying]
00:25:18 Like a baby.
00:25:20 Everybody minds their own business.
00:25:22 The world will turn a grander faster than it does.
00:25:26 That wouldn't be a great advantage.
00:25:28 The world turns on its axis every 24 hours.
00:25:32 Oh ho ho.
00:25:34 Don't bother me I never could abide figures.
00:25:37 Could I?
00:25:39 [gibberish]
00:25:41 Speak loudly to your little boy and beat him when he sneezes.
00:25:45 He only does it to annoy because he knows it's teasing.
00:25:49 [crying]
00:25:51 [crying]
00:25:53 I speak to my boy and beat him when he sneezes.
00:25:58 For he can thoroughly enjoy the temper when he sneezes.
00:26:02 [crying]
00:26:04 [crying]
00:26:06 [crying]
00:26:08 [glass breaking]
00:26:10 [purring]
00:26:14 Yes, yes.
00:26:16 I speak severely to my boy.
00:26:18 I beat him when he sneezes.
00:26:21 For he could thoroughly enjoy the pepper if he pleases.
00:26:26 Yes, yes, yes.
00:26:30 Here, let him prepare.
00:26:33 [cat meowing]
00:26:35 [cat meowing]
00:26:49 Which way will I go from here?
00:26:52 That depends a great deal on where you want to go to.
00:26:56 I don't much care where.
00:26:59 Then it doesn't matter which way you go.
00:27:02 So long as I get somewhere.
00:27:05 Oh, you're sure to do that if you only walk long enough.
00:27:12 What sort of people live about here?
00:27:15 In that direction is the Hatter and in that direction is the Marcher.
00:27:20 They're both mad.
00:27:22 But I don't want to go among mad people.
00:27:25 Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here.
00:27:28 I'm mad, you're mad.
00:27:33 By the by, what became of the baby?
00:27:36 I'd nearly forgotten to ask.
00:27:39 It turned into a pig.
00:27:41 I thought it would.
00:27:47 Did you say pig or fig?
00:27:50 I said pig.
00:27:52 [music]
00:28:17 No room.
00:28:20 No room.
00:28:22 No room, no room.
00:28:24 No room.
00:28:26 No room, no room, no room.
00:28:29 No room.
00:28:31 No room.
00:28:33 There's plenty of room.
00:28:36 Have some wine.
00:28:38 I don't see any wine.
00:28:40 There isn't any.
00:28:41 It wasn't very civil of you to offer it.
00:28:43 It wasn't very civil of you to sit down before you were invited.
00:28:46 I thought you did invite me.
00:28:48 Anyway, the table's laid for a great deal more than three.
00:28:51 Ah, your, um, your, uh, your hair, uh, once cutting.
00:28:56 You shouldn't make personal remarks. It's very rude.
00:28:59 Oh.
00:29:01 Why is a raven like a writing desk, I wonder?
00:29:04 Oh, I'm glad you've begun asking riddles.
00:29:06 I think I can guess that one.
00:29:08 Do you mean that you can find the answer to it?
00:29:11 Exactly.
00:29:12 Then you should say what you mean.
00:29:14 I do. At least I mean what I say.
00:29:17 It's the same thing, you know.
00:29:19 It isn't the same thing a bit.
00:29:21 You might as well say that I, uh, I see what I eat is the same thing as I eat what I see.
00:29:26 You might just as well say that I like what I get is the same thing as I get what I like.
00:29:32 You might as well say that I sleep when I breathe is the same thing as I breathe when I sleep.
00:29:44 It is the same thing with you.
00:29:46 [laughs]
00:29:48 [music]
00:30:12 Oh.
00:30:15 What day of the month is it?
00:30:17 I think it's the fourth.
00:30:19 Oh.
00:30:21 Two days wrong.
00:30:22 I knew that butter wouldn't be good for the works.
00:30:25 It was the best butter.
00:30:27 Yes, but we must have got some crumbs in with it or something.
00:30:30 I told you not to use the bread knife.
00:30:33 It was the best butter.
00:30:35 That's as may be.
00:30:37 A curious watch.
00:30:39 It tells the day of the month and not what time it is.
00:30:41 Of course it does, child.
00:30:43 Does your watch tell you what year it is?
00:30:45 Of course not.
00:30:47 That's because it's the same year for so long together.
00:30:49 Exactly.
00:30:50 Well, it's just the same with my watch.
00:30:52 Oh, when Adam and Eve were first deprived of the garden,
00:30:56 [yawns]
00:30:59 Oh, the doll mouse is falling asleep again.
00:31:02 Have you guessed the riddle yet?
00:31:04 No, I give up.
00:31:05 What is the answer?
00:31:06 I haven't the slightest idea.
00:31:09 [laughs]
00:31:11 Well, I think you might do something better with your time than waste it
00:31:14 asking riddles that have no answers.
00:31:16 If you knew time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about it.
00:31:20 It's him.
00:31:21 I don't know what you mean.
00:31:22 Of course you don't, I dare say.
00:31:24 You've never even spoken to time.
00:31:27 Perhaps not, but I now have to beat time and I learn music.
00:31:30 [yells]
00:31:32 [yells]
00:31:35 [laughs]
00:31:37 That accounts for it.
00:31:39 I can't stand beating, but if you keep on good terms with time,
00:31:44 you'll do anything with the clock that you want.
00:31:46 For example, supposing it's half past nine in the morning,
00:31:49 you just whisper a hint to time,
00:31:51 round goes the clock and it's half past one in the afternoon,
00:31:54 time for dinner.
00:31:56 I only wish it were.
00:31:58 Yes, it might be rather nice, but then I wouldn't be hungry for it, you know.
00:32:01 Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it at half past one for as long as you like.
00:32:06 Is that the way you manage?
00:32:08 No, no, no, no, no.
00:32:09 We quarreled last March, just before he went mad, you know.
00:32:14 It was at a concert given by the Queen of Hearts.
00:32:17 I had to sing that song,
00:32:19 ♪ Twinkle, twinkle, little bat ♪
00:32:23 ♪ How I wonder what you're at ♪
00:32:26 You're familiar with it, doubtless.
00:32:28 I've heard something like it.
00:32:29 ♪ Yes, it goes on up above the world you fly ♪
00:32:34 ♪ Like a tea tray in the sky ♪
00:32:37 ♪ Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle ♪
00:32:42 Oh, well, I'd hardly finish the first verse
00:32:45 when the Queen jumps up and balls out,
00:32:48 "He's murdering the time!"
00:32:50 Off with his head!
00:32:52 And dreadfully savage.
00:32:54 Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:32:56 Ha-ha!
00:32:57 And ever since then, time won't do a thing for me.
00:33:00 It's always six o'clock now.
00:33:03 Is that the reason why so many tea things are put out here?
00:33:06 Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:33:08 It's always, it's always tea time,
00:33:11 and of course, we don't get much time
00:33:14 to wash the things up between wiles.
00:33:17 So you keep moving round, I suppose.
00:33:19 We keep, we keep moving round, yes, yes, yes.
00:33:23 As the things get used up...
00:33:25 What happens when you get back to the beginning?
00:33:27 Oh!
00:33:28 Suppose we change the subject.
00:33:30 I'm getting dreadfully bored by this.
00:33:33 I've heard the young lady tells us a story.
00:33:37 I'm afraid I don't know one.
00:33:40 Then the door mouse will.
00:33:42 Ha-ha!
00:33:44 I wasn't asleep.
00:33:48 I heard every word you fellows were saying.
00:33:51 Tell us a story!
00:33:53 You'd better get on with it,
00:33:54 otherwise you'll fall asleep again before you're done.
00:33:57 Ha-ha-ha!
00:33:59 Once upon a time,
00:34:02 there were three little sisters.
00:34:05 They were named Elsie,
00:34:08 Letia and Dully.
00:34:11 And they lived at the bottom of a well.
00:34:16 What did they live on?
00:34:18 They lived on treacle.
00:34:28 They couldn't have done that, you know.
00:34:30 They'd have been ill.
00:34:31 Very well.
00:34:33 Very, very ill.
00:34:35 But why did they live at the bottom of a well?
00:34:38 Take some more tea.
00:34:42 I've had nothing yet, so I can't take more.
00:34:44 What you mean is you can't take less.
00:34:46 It's very easy to take more than nothing.
00:34:49 Nobody asked your opinion.
00:34:50 Oh, now who's making personal remarks, eh?
00:34:54 Ha-ha-ha!
00:34:58 Why did they live at the bottom of a well?
00:35:01 It was a treacle well.
00:35:05 There's no such thing.
00:35:07 If you cannot be civil, you tell the story yourself.
00:35:13 I won't interrupt again.
00:35:15 I dare say there may be one.
00:35:17 Oh, indeed!
00:35:19 Well, the three little sisters
00:35:26 they're all learning to draw, you know.
00:35:30 What do they draw?
00:35:32 Treacle!
00:35:34 I don't understand.
00:35:47 Where do they draw the treacle from?
00:35:49 You draw water from a water well.
00:35:51 You draw treacle from a treacle well, eh, stupid?
00:35:54 Oh, they were in the well.
00:35:56 Well in!
00:36:00 Ha-ha-ha!
00:36:02 Then they learnt to draw.
00:36:14 And they always drew something beginning with an M.
00:36:21 Why an M?
00:36:23 Why not?
00:36:25 Everything beginning with an M.
00:36:42 Such as mousetrap, money, memory and muchness.
00:36:53 I bet you never saw anything like the drawing of a muchness.
00:36:59 Really, now you say it, I don't.
00:37:01 Then you shouldn't talk.
00:37:03 This is the stupidest tea party I was ever at.
00:37:13 Why are you painting those roses?
00:37:20 What's that, what's that?
00:37:22 Will you hold that book steady?
00:37:24 I can't see the paint.
00:37:26 What are you doing it for?
00:37:28 Doing it for?
00:37:30 Yes.
00:37:31 Yes, yes, what am I doing it for?
00:37:35 Yes, well, that is the question, isn't it?
00:37:38 Ah, there you see, it's no good.
00:37:42 It's all a problem of colour, you see.
00:37:44 The problem of these bits, you see.
00:37:48 The problem of these being coloured white when red was what was asked for.
00:37:54 Who's to know?
00:37:55 Oh, yes, that's good.
00:37:57 Yes, I like that.
00:37:59 Yes, who's to know? The Queen, that's who.
00:38:02 The Queen doesn't miss a trick.
00:38:04 Doesn't look much like a red rose to me.
00:38:07 Ah, well, perhaps you'd like to have a go yourself then.
00:38:10 Yes, perhaps you'd like to have a go yourself.
00:38:13 I think we can do without any help from you, you know, thank you very much.
00:38:17 Look!
00:38:18 It's the Queen!
00:38:22 Give me some more carmine.
00:38:24 And...
00:38:25 And...
00:38:26 Oh, boy.
00:38:27 (DRUMMING)
00:38:29 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:38:32 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:38:35 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:38:37 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:38:39 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:38:41 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:39:07 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:39:09 (SOBS)
00:39:24 (SOBS)
00:39:31 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:39:33 Ah, yes. And who's this?
00:39:43 Yes, er, who is this?
00:39:45 Oh, perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:39:47 (MIMICS DRUMMING)
00:39:49 Idiot. Absolute idiot!
00:39:51 You've got an absolute idiot for a son.
00:39:53 Yes, but he's tall. He's very tall.
00:39:55 Come along, child. Speak up. What's your name?
00:39:58 My name is Alice.
00:40:00 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:40:02 And who are these?
00:40:05 Oh, perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:40:07 How should I know? It's no business of mine.
00:40:09 You little hussy. Off with her head. Nonsense.
00:40:12 (MIMICS DRUMMING)
00:40:14 Ah, yes.
00:40:16 Now, what have you been doing here?
00:40:18 Oh, perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:40:20 Or perhaps I should.
00:40:22 (LAUGHS) Painting white roses red, hmm?
00:40:25 Perhaps you have an explanation?
00:40:28 Well, ma'am, it's my way of rectifying a mistake.
00:40:31 What I've always said is,
00:40:33 what the eye don't see, the heart don't grieve over.
00:40:37 I think that's for me to judge.
00:40:39 Off with her heads.
00:40:41 It's a very fine day. Very. Where's the Duchess?
00:40:47 She's under sentence of execution.
00:40:49 What for? She boxed the Queen's ears, whoops.
00:40:51 All right!
00:40:53 Get to your places!
00:40:55 (DRUMMING)
00:40:58 You heard what she said!
00:41:00 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:41:12 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:41:15 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:41:18 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:41:21 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:41:48 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:41:50 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:41:53 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:06 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:09 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:11 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:17 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:23 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:29 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:36 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:38 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:44 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:50 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:42:56 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:43:02 (WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN)
00:43:04 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:43:15 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:43:17 (DRUMMING)
00:43:43 (WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
00:43:45 (DRUMMING CONTINUES)
00:43:51 (MAN LAUGHING)
00:44:02 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:44:05 (MAN LAUGHING)
00:44:10 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:44:12 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:44:24 (MAN LAUGHING)
00:44:39 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:44:41 (BELLS RINGING)
00:44:57 (CROWD CHEERING)
00:45:08 (MAN LAUGHING)
00:45:10 (MAN LAUGHING)
00:45:30 (BELLS RINGING)
00:45:32 (BAND PLAYING)
00:45:34 (BAND PLAYING)
00:45:36 (BAND PLAYING)
00:45:38 (BAND PLAYING)
00:45:40 (BAND PLAYING)
00:45:42 (BAND PLAYING)
00:45:44 (BAND PLAYING)
00:46:13 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:16 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:18 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:23 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:26 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:29 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:32 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:35 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:38 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:41 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:44 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:46 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:49 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:52 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:55 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:46:58 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:47:01 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:47:04 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:47:07 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:47:10 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:47:13 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:47:15 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:47:18 (GASPS)
00:47:21 You can't think how glad I am to see you here, you dear old thing.
00:47:25 You're thinking about something, and that makes you forget to talk.
00:47:31 I can't remember the moral of that, but I shall remember it in a moment.
00:47:35 Perhaps it hasn't got a moral.
00:47:37 Tut-tut! My dear child, everything's got a moral.
00:47:41 If only you could find it.
00:47:43 The game seems to be coming on much better now.
00:47:45 Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
00:47:47 And the moral of it is, 'tis love, 'tis love, makes the world go round.
00:47:53 I thought it was done by everybody minding their own business.
00:47:56 Oh, well, yes.
00:47:58 Well, it means much the same thing.
00:48:01 And the moral of that is, take care of the sense,
00:48:04 and the sounds will take care of themselves.
00:48:07 You're still only fond of finding morals.
00:48:09 I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist.
00:48:12 Well, the reason is, I'm doubtful of the temper of your flamingo.
00:48:18 I haven't got a flamingo any more.
00:48:20 Ah, true, ah, true. Flamingos and mustard, both right.
00:48:24 And the moral of that is, birds of a feather flock together.
00:48:29 But mustard isn't a bird.
00:48:31 Right as usual.
00:48:33 You do have a nice, clear way of putting things.
00:48:37 It's a mineral, I think.
00:48:39 Yes, of course it is. There's a rather large mustard mine quite near here.
00:48:44 And the moral of it is, the more there is a man, the less there is a yawn.
00:48:50 I know, it's a vegetable. Doesn't look like one, but it is.
00:48:53 I quite agree with you.
00:48:55 And the moral of that is, be what you would seem to be.
00:48:59 Or if you would like it put more simply.
00:49:01 Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise,
00:49:04 than what it would appear to others.
00:49:07 That what you were, what you might be, is not otherwise than what you have been.
00:49:13 I think I'd understand that a bit better if I had it written down.
00:49:17 But I'm afraid I can't quite follow it as you say it.
00:49:19 Oh, I could say much better than that if I choose.
00:49:24 Please don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that.
00:49:27 Don't talk about trouble. I make you a present of everything I've said as yet.
00:49:31 A cheap sort of present, I must say.
00:49:34 Thinking again?
00:49:36 I've a right to think.
00:49:38 About as much right as pigs have to fly.
00:49:41 And the moral...
00:49:43 Either you or your head must be off in the next five minutes.
00:49:51 Take your choice.
00:49:53 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:49:55 It should be the death of me.
00:50:11 Come on, let's get on with the game.
00:50:13 (MUSIC PLAYING)
00:50:19 (LAUGHTER)
00:50:21 Well, here we are.
00:50:33 What's happened to them?
00:50:35 They're going to be executed.
00:50:37 What do you mean?
00:50:38 They're going to have their heads taken off.
00:50:40 What, all of them?
00:50:42 Yes, the whole lot.
00:50:44 There's no point in spoiling the ship for a heap of tar.
00:50:47 Have you seen the mock turtle?
00:50:48 No, who's that?
00:50:50 Well, you'd better ask the griffon about that.
00:50:52 He'll be able to let you know.
00:50:54 That's just her fantasy.
00:50:59 She never executes anyone.
00:51:01 Ah, there he is.
00:51:04 What's he so sad about?
00:51:07 That's just his fantasy.
00:51:09 He's got nothing to be sad about, really.
00:51:13 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:51:15 This young lady wants to hear your life history.
00:51:26 All right, I'll tell it to her.
00:51:30 And don't speak a word till I finish.
00:51:35 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:51:37 But how can he finish if he doesn't begin?
00:51:51 Shh! He's got to get into the mood.
00:51:55 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
00:51:57 When we were little, we all went to school in the sea.
00:52:10 The master was an old turtle.
00:52:13 We used to call him Tortoise.
00:52:16 Why did you call him Tortoise if he wasn't one?
00:52:18 We called him Tortoise because he taught us.
00:52:21 Really, you are very dull.
00:52:22 It's a shame to be asking such simple questions there.
00:52:25 We had the best of educations.
00:52:27 In fact, we went to school every day.
00:52:30 I've been to a day school, too. It's nothing to be so proud about.
00:52:33 With extras?
00:52:34 Yes, we learned French and music.
00:52:36 And washing?
00:52:38 Certainly not.
00:52:40 Aha. Well, then, yours wasn't really a good school.
00:52:43 At our school, we always had at the end of the bill...
00:52:47 music, French and washing...
00:52:50 extras.
00:52:52 But I couldn't afford to learn it. I only took the regular course.
00:52:57 What was that?
00:52:58 Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with.
00:53:01 Then there were the different branches of arithmetic.
00:53:03 Ambition, distraction, uglification...
00:53:06 and derision.
00:53:08 I never heard of uglification before.
00:53:10 You never heard of uglifying?
00:53:13 You've heard of beautifying, I suppose?
00:53:15 Yes.
00:53:16 Need I say more?
00:53:18 Then there was mystery, ancient and modern...
00:53:22 and then drawing.
00:53:24 That was with the drawing master.
00:53:26 He used to come once a week.
00:53:28 He taught us drawing, stretching...
00:53:32 and fainting in coils.
00:53:34 What was that like?
00:53:36 I couldn't possibly show you myself. I'm much too stiff.
00:53:39 And he never learned it.
00:53:41 I never had time.
00:53:43 But I went to the classical master.
00:53:46 I never went to him.
00:53:48 He taught laughing and grief, or so they said.
00:53:52 So he did. So he did.
00:53:57 How many hours a day did you do lessons?
00:54:08 Ten hours the first day.
00:54:10 Nine the second and so on.
00:54:12 How odd.
00:54:13 Not odd at all.
00:54:15 That's why they're called lessons...
00:54:17 because they lessen from day to day.
00:54:20 Then the 11th day must have been a holiday.
00:54:23 So it was.
00:54:25 So it was.
00:54:27 But then how did you manage on the 12th day?
00:54:30 Oh, that's enough about lessons.
00:54:33 Tell her about the games.
00:54:36 Have you ever done the lobster quadrille?
00:54:39 No. What sort of a dance is that?
00:54:42 First you form a line along the seashore.
00:54:45 No, two lines.
00:54:47 Then after you clear the jellyfish out of the way...
00:54:49 That generally takes some time.
00:54:51 You advance twice.
00:54:53 Each with a lobster as a partner.
00:54:55 You advance twice.
00:54:57 Set the partners.
00:54:59 Change lobsters and retire in the same order.
00:55:01 It must be a very pretty dance.
00:55:03 Would you like to hear some of it?
00:55:05 Very much indeed.
00:55:07 Well, who'll sing?
00:55:09 I can't remember the words.
00:55:12 # Will you walk a little faster?
00:55:15 # Said the whiting to the snail
00:55:17 # There's a porpoise close behind me
00:55:20 # And he's treading on my tail
00:55:22 # See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance
00:55:26 # They are waiting on the shingle
00:55:28 # Won't you come and join the dance?
00:55:30 # Will you, won't you, will you, won't you
00:55:32 # Will you join the dance?
00:55:34 # Will you, won't you, will you, won't you
00:55:37 # Won't you join the dance?
00:55:40 # You can really have no notion
00:55:43 # How delightful it will be
00:55:45 # When they take us up and throw us with the lobsters out to sea
00:55:49 # But the snail replied
00:55:51 # Too far, too far
00:55:54 # And gave a look askance
00:55:56 # Said he thanked the whiting kindly
00:55:58 # But he would not join the dance
00:56:01 # Would not, could not, could not, would not
00:56:03 # Could not join the dance
00:56:05 # Could not, would not, could not, would not
00:56:09 # Would not join the dance. #
00:56:14 (SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)
00:56:16 The trial's beginning.
00:56:26 The trial's beginning.
00:56:29 # We've come to fight
00:56:32 # We've come to fight
00:56:38 # In fighting and chasing
00:56:43 # We've come to fight
00:56:47 # And facing the trials
00:56:52 # The ancient world awaits
00:56:57 # Good fighting, big trials
00:57:02 # And great, great, great gains
00:57:08 # And wrestling, and racing
00:57:15 # And sorrow and joy
00:57:19 # And dancing, and racing
00:57:24 # And goodness in the right
00:57:29 # And justice without end
00:57:34 # And so good will go to hell
00:57:39 # And love will triumph
00:57:43 # And goodness shall thrive
00:57:52 # O come, thou people
00:57:55 # O come, great and small
00:58:00 # O come, thou people
00:58:04 # And rule the world
00:58:09 # With love so great and strong
00:58:14 # As it was in the beginning
00:58:19 # And live forever
00:58:24 # Love's all that we need. #
00:58:30 Who are they?
00:58:34 The jury. What are they doing?
00:58:36 Taking down their names in case they forget them before the trial ends.
00:58:40 Stupid things.
00:58:42 (COUGHING)
00:58:45 Silence in court!
00:58:48 Read the accusation.
00:58:50 The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts all on a summer's day.
00:58:54 The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts and took them quite away.
00:58:58 Consider your verdict.
00:59:00 Not yet, not yet. There's a great deal to do before that.
00:59:03 Is there? Oh, yes.
00:59:05 Well, um...
00:59:07 Call the first witness.
00:59:10 First witness!
00:59:13 (COUGHING)
00:59:16 (COUGHING)
00:59:18 Come on, come on.
00:59:33 Come on, come on.
00:59:40 (COUGHING)
00:59:42 I beg your pardon, Your Majesty, for bringing these along,
01:00:02 but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.
01:00:07 You ought to have finished. When did you begin?
01:00:11 Ah, the, uh... Let me see.
01:00:14 I think it was the, uh... the 14th of March.
01:00:18 15th. 16th?
01:00:20 Yes. The 16th, sir.
01:00:23 Write that down. And, uh, take off your hat.
01:00:27 Ah, it, um...
01:00:29 It, uh... It, uh...
01:00:31 It's, um... It isn't... It isn't mine.
01:00:36 Stolen, is it?
01:00:38 No, no, no. I, uh...
01:00:40 I keep them to sell, Your Majesty.
01:00:42 You see, I'm a... I'm a hatter.
01:00:45 A very nervous hatter.
01:00:48 Yes, I am, yes.
01:00:50 Well, don't be nervous. No.
01:00:52 Don't be nervous. Just give your evidence,
01:00:54 or I shall have you executed.
01:00:56 I'm... I'm allowed to do that.
01:00:59 I can have anyone executed.
01:01:02 Power, power.
01:01:04 I'm a very poor man, Your Majesty,
01:01:08 and I haven't begun my tea,
01:01:11 and, well, not about a week or so,
01:01:13 and what with the bread and butter getting so thin
01:01:16 and the twinkling of the tea, I...
01:01:19 Twinkling of the what?
01:01:21 It began with the tea.
01:01:23 I know that.
01:01:25 I'm not a fool.
01:01:27 I know that twinkling begins with a tea.
01:01:30 I mean, I'm a freak idiot, am I?
01:01:33 Go on, go on.
01:01:35 Like I said, Your Majesty, I'm a...
01:01:37 I'm a poor man,
01:01:39 and most things twinkled after that.
01:01:42 I didn't.
01:01:43 You did.
01:01:44 I didn't. I deny it.
01:01:46 He denies it.
01:01:47 Leave out that part.
01:01:49 After that, I, uh...
01:01:52 I, uh... I cut some bread and butter, and...
01:01:55 After that, what happened?
01:01:57 Oh, that, uh... that I... that I can't remember.
01:02:00 Yes, yes. Well, you must remember it,
01:02:02 or I'll have to have you executed.
01:02:04 I'm a... I'm a poor man, Your Majesty.
01:02:07 You are a jolly poor speaker, that is for sure.
01:02:10 Get down, sit down, and stand.
01:02:13 Go away.
01:02:14 Oh, thank you.
01:02:16 God bless you, Your Majesty.
01:02:31 Next witness.
01:02:33 Give your evidence.
01:02:44 Shout.
01:02:45 Oh, well, uh...
01:02:49 That's the end of that, then.
01:02:51 Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness.
01:02:56 Must I?
01:02:57 Yes.
01:02:58 Oh.
01:03:00 (MUMBLING)
01:03:02 Thank you.
01:03:06 What a touch!
01:03:11 Made of?
01:03:13 Pepper, mostly.
01:03:14 Anything you want to add to that?
01:03:17 Yes, go away.
01:03:20 Go away with the pepper.
01:03:22 Oh.
01:03:24 Next witness.
01:03:26 Oh, don't let's have another witness.
01:03:29 Let's have a...
01:03:32 Let's have a song.
01:03:34 Come on, lads, give us a melody.
01:03:38 Come along.
01:03:39 # For all that take thee time to be found
01:03:43 # Come, and all sing together
01:03:47 # Britain shall be saved
01:03:51 # In the songs of heaven
01:03:55 # And we'll all be weeping together
01:04:01 # With our bodies between our knees
01:04:05 # Yes, we'll all be weeping together
01:04:09 # With our bodies between our knees #
01:04:14 They don't reach verdicts like that any more.
01:04:20 Yeah.
01:04:21 Right.
01:04:23 Next witness.
01:04:25 Alice.
01:04:27 Ah.
01:04:29 What have you got to say for yourself?
01:04:32 Nothing.
01:04:33 Nothing?
01:04:34 Nothing whatever.
01:04:36 Oh, that's very important.
01:04:38 Unimportant, Your Majesty means, of course.
01:04:42 Oh. Oh.
01:04:44 Oh, I thought I meant important.
01:04:47 That's what I thought I meant.
01:04:50 (MUMBLING)
01:04:52 (SNORING)
01:05:07 (COUGHS)
01:05:09 (MUMBLING)
01:05:12 (COUGHS)
01:05:19 (MUMBLING)
01:05:21 Silence in court!
01:05:25 Silence in court!
01:05:27 All persons with more than a mile high to leave court.
01:05:35 I'm not a mile high.
01:05:37 Yes, you are.
01:05:38 Nearly two miles high.
01:05:40 Consider your silences.
01:05:46 Your verses.
01:05:48 No, no, no, no.
01:05:49 There's more evidence to come yet.
01:05:51 This paper's just been picked up.
01:05:53 What's in it?
01:05:54 I haven't opened it yet.
01:05:56 But it seems to be a letter written by the prisoner to somebody.
01:05:59 It must be that.
01:06:01 I mean, it can't just be written to nobody.
01:06:04 You can't just write to nobody.
01:06:06 I mean, if you did that all the time,
01:06:09 well, I would hear the post office would come to a standstill.
01:06:13 I mean, you've got to have somebody...
01:06:15 I mean, it...
01:06:16 (MUMBLING)
01:06:18 Well, it's not allowed.
01:06:20 Was it directed to?
01:06:22 It isn't directed at all.
01:06:24 In fact, there's nothing written on the outside.
01:06:26 (COUGHS)
01:06:28 It isn't a letter at all.
01:06:30 It's a set of verses.
01:06:32 Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?
01:06:34 No, they're not.
01:06:36 And that's the queerest thing about it.
01:06:38 He's been imitating people's hands and writings again.
01:06:44 Please, Your Majesty.
01:06:47 I didn't write it.
01:06:51 I can prove that I didn't.
01:06:55 There's no name signed at the end.
01:07:00 Well, that only makes the matter worse.
01:07:02 You must have meant some mischief,
01:07:04 or else you would have signed your name like an honest man.
01:07:08 That proves his guilt.
01:07:10 It proves nothing of the sort.
01:07:12 Hold your tongue.
01:07:14 I won't!
01:07:16 (MUFFLED SCREAMING)
01:07:18 (MUFFLED SCREAMING)
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01:07:32 (MUFFLED SCREAMING)
01:07:34 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
01:07:36 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
01:08:04 It is not now as it hath been of yore.
01:08:07 Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day,
01:08:11 The things which I have seen, I now can see no more.
01:08:16 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
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01:08:22 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
01:08:24 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
01:08:26 (BIRDS CHIRPING)
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