• 7 months ago
"Hey Stef, what are some things you wish you knew in your 20s?"

"hello Stefan... how do u overcome guilt? Feeling bad is a norm for me.....if I'm not feeling bad because of a situation I feel angry instead..."

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Transcript
00:00 Good morning everybody, Stephen Molyneux from Free Domain. Hope you're doing very, very well.
00:04 freedomain.com/donate if you would like to help out the show it would be most,
00:09 most, most appreciated. Now, two important questions this morning. Number one,
00:15 Steph, what do you wish you had known in your 20s that you know now? What do you wish you'd known in
00:25 your 20s that you know now? The answer is nothing. Nothing. I am so immeasurably pleased with my life
00:38 and so happy at where I am. I mean, I get to wake up, live with wonderful people, live a life of
00:45 meaning and purpose and depth and philosophical power and carving my thoughts into the atomic
00:53 structure of the universe on a daily basis with your very kind help and participation.
00:57 Honestly, I couldn't do better. I can't do better. I mean, I'm obviously going to keep trying to be
01:03 better at philosophy over time, but I can't do better. I can't improve where I am. And so,
01:09 if I can't improve where I am, why would I want to change anything that led me here?
01:13 Now, this doesn't go back to my childhood. I'm not talking about justifying abuse and violence,
01:19 but until you said my 20s, right? So, my concern is that if I say, "Well, I wish I'd known this in
01:25 my 20s," that would be a way of saying, "I wish I was someplace else or in some other circumstance
01:32 or situation than I am, and I would not want to be in any other circumstance or situation."
01:37 It's really important in life. Nostalgia is when you look back and wish you'd been happier.
01:46 "Oh, I didn't know how good I had it. I didn't know how," whatever, right? It's like this old
01:50 cheesy thing I read on the show years ago about sunscreen. And one is like, you look back at
01:56 photos of yourself in a bathing suit in your 20s, and you just didn't understand how great you looked.
02:03 So, I don't want to look back and say, "I should have been happier." And so, I really do try to
02:13 suck the bone marrow of happiness out of every moment of every morsel of every day.
02:19 Because dissatisfaction is part of progress, dissatisfaction is part of life,
02:24 dissatisfaction is why we improve. So, a little bit of that friction is okay. I mean,
02:29 sometimes I'm dissatisfied with what I do in terms of, "Am I concise? Am I vivid enough?
02:39 Have I wielded language in the right ninja way?" And so, I work to improve. But even that
02:45 dissatisfaction is part of the happiness. Because if I was never dissatisfied, I wouldn't have
02:51 anything to improve, and everything would be repetition, and there would be nothing to aim for,
02:55 and I would feel listless. So, it would be like right after you've worked out, you don't want to
03:01 work out again, right? Because you're satisfied, and it's good, and it's happy, and it's right.
03:06 So, yeah, as far as my 20s go, I wouldn't go back. I'm not saying there's any
03:13 meanness in your question, but it is a form of trying to provoke dissatisfaction in the present.
03:21 You know, you play the hands you're dealt, man. Life's just going to deal you some hands, right?
03:28 I mean, I was dealt, obviously, my sex. I was dealt my race. I was gifted the language in terms
03:37 of speaking English, which is kind of fortunate in that it's one of the most spoken, if not the
03:40 most spoken, language in the world, and ideal for podcasting. I was gifted a little bit of an accent,
03:45 which some people find appealing. I was gifted a pleasant voice and some pretty good raw
03:52 intelligence and creativity. So, I was gifted all these things. I think it's important to
03:58 enjoy all of that and appreciate all of that and pay back the universe for the gifts you're given
04:05 by helping others live better, be happier. So, "Oh, I wish I'd known this in my 20s," is a way
04:13 of saying, "I wish I were somewhere else now, and I don't wish I was somewhere else now."
04:18 I do feel occasional twinges of envy, you know, like someone's always going on some big speaking
04:23 tour. And so, I get all of that. But also, it's better that I spent time with my family. I'm in
04:34 the tail end of parenting my daughter. It's really important that I do this kind of work and talking
04:40 about really deep philosophy with people. I couldn't do this kind of stuff in a speech, right?
04:44 It's more formal. So, I think this is the best use of my time and resources and abilities.
04:50 I don't want anything to be different. I mean, can you say that? I don't want anything to be
04:56 different. Even the occasional dissatisfaction with what I am doing and what I produce, I don't
05:02 want that to be different because that gives me something to aim for and something to improve.
05:06 I mean, every morning, I'm like, "Okay, I'm going to go and answer some questions. I'm going to
05:11 make this the best. I'm going to really, come on, let's get all our horses in the line. Let's pull
05:16 some real meaty syllables out of the deep brain," right? That's sort of what I mean.
05:21 So, I'm very happily married. I have a great relationship with my daughter. I've got good
05:27 friends. I have the most meaningful thing that can be done with a life I get to do on my own
05:34 schedule with my own topics. I get to work with really good friends. I mean, honestly,
05:41 my health is great. I can't do better. And so, it's the butterfly effect, right? Or the delicate
05:48 sound of thunder, that old Ray Bradbury story. It's just, if I go back and change something,
05:52 I'm somewhere else. So, I don't wish I knew something in my 20s that I know now. And honestly,
06:01 I think that's kind of a trick to regret where you are now. And if you regret where you are now,
06:07 work like hell to change it. Work like hell to change it. So, be careful of those kinds of
06:14 questions. And don't look back later on and say, "Gee, I didn't know how good I had it back then."
06:19 You don't know how good you have it right now. I really feel like I'm in the prime of my life
06:24 right now. I mean, I'm physically strong enough to do anything. I don't feel like my mental
06:29 acuities have ever been sharper. The one thing that's great about the brain is that, you know,
06:33 like a singer's voice wears out. You listen to Paul McCartney these days, and he sounds like a
06:38 deflating helium balloon. No disrespect to old Mac, but it's kind of rough. If you've ever heard
06:46 Barbara Streisand in her 70s, she still sounds fantastic, but then she's really worked to
06:50 preserve her voice. Whereas, of course, Paul McCartney's been a bit of a screamer. And he
06:54 noticed this even in his 20s, you know, that, "Oh, darling," that he did. He said he could have
07:00 done it better even a couple of years before, but his voice had already started to shred in his 20s.
07:04 So, yeah, love where you are, man. Love where you are. It only gets better from here for me.
07:12 It only gets better. Like, I ripped off this great speech last night, and it's a really delicate
07:17 thing because you've got to ride the surf of the language that's coming out. Shape it a little bit
07:23 consciously. You can't summon the words. And if you shape the words wrong, if you get distracted,
07:30 if you go off on a tangent, if you shape the words wrong, the inspiration just stops. The
07:34 words are coming out, and you do just a little bit of a tweak to get them out with the right
07:38 phrasing and the right pauses so that it really lands and hits home. So it's a really delicate
07:45 and powerful process to go through. I'm honored to go through it, and I'm absolutely thrilled
07:51 that it's recorded. And I'm always aiming to climb beyond what I perceive of as the summit
07:59 of language, of what can be contained and communicated in a non-technical way. I'm not
08:05 going to hide behind polysyllabic nonsense, right? How can wisdom be boiled down in a way
08:14 that moves like a gut punch from soul to soul and wakes it up, including mine? It's a wild process.
08:23 It's a beautiful process. It's a thrilling and challenging and exciting process. I am responsible
08:28 for maybe 10 or 15 percent of it, right? Just that little phrasing that may be a little bit of a
08:35 pause, but I am riding a wave. And the surfer, of course, adjusts to the wave, and there's skill in
08:44 it, but he sure ain't the wave, and he sure ain't the board. He's just trying to have a fun ride
08:51 getting from shore to shore. All right. So be careful of nostalgia. Nostalgia is a sign that
08:59 you're not happy enough or appreciative enough in the present. So another question I had is,
09:05 "Steph, how do I handle guilt? I feel guilty. How do I handle guilt?"
09:11 So all guilt arises from the absence of apology. When you look, you feel guilty in yourself,
09:19 you see guilt in another, all guilt arises from the absence of apology. And this is a two-sided
09:27 coin. So if you've done something wrong to someone, you apologize, right? And that's the
09:38 cure for the guilt. The guilt is there to say you've done something wrong and you need to apologize.
09:44 When you apologize, you will feel better. So the wrongness is the wound, and the apology
09:51 is the dressing. It's the stitching. It's the healing. And you keep apologizing, and you keep
09:56 reminding the person that you are thinking about it so that they know it's not going into the void.
10:01 So slapping a bandage on something that needs stitching is not good, because it needs stitching.
10:10 It's going to heal ragged. It's going to heal incorrectly. It's going to heal in an
10:14 uncomfortable and painful way. It may need to be recut and restitched, right?
10:17 So a lot of times, apologies are an inelegant way of just telling someone to shut the hell up,
10:24 right? "Hey man, I apologize. What more do you want from me?" Right? It's a way of slapping a
10:30 band-aid on something that needs stitches. It's a way of putting makeup on a skin condition that
10:36 needs treatment. It's another form of aggression. So if you've done something wrong to someone,
10:42 and let's say it's been significant, then you need to remind that person for days or weeks or months
10:49 that you're still thinking about it, and you're still working on it, and it hasn't vanished from
10:53 your mind. Because the only way to regain trust after someone has hurt you is for that person
11:00 to keep the wrong and the restitution in his or her mind. So be alert, be aware, as far as that
11:13 goes, right? So an apology is not a statement. An apology is a process that is at least half as long
11:22 as the wrong. So let's say you lied to someone about something important for a month. You need
11:27 at least two weeks of constant, "I'm thinking about it. I still feel bad. Here's what I'm doing,"
11:34 right? So that it's not one and done, you know, "I did an apology, and that's it. I don't need
11:39 to think about it again because I already apologized. And if you bring it up, you have
11:43 the problem, and you're not accepting apologies, and you're intransigent, and you're trying to
11:47 bully me," right? Then you just know there's no change. There's no change. Nothing's going to
11:51 change. Nothing's going to get better. It's all lies and nonsense, manipulation and bullying.
11:56 No improvement, no change, no bettering. So guilt is when you've done something that harms someone.
12:05 You've done something that's wrong, and it could be you've harmed yourself, right? You've betrayed
12:11 your own values. You've not risen to the occasion. You've avoided something necessary. You've done
12:18 something you know is bad or wrong. So then you need to apologize to yourself and figure out how
12:25 to do better without rage, hostility, contempt, right? Aggression solves nothing but aggression,
12:33 right? If someone aggresses against you, then you could be aggressive back.
12:37 But wounds are not solved by aggression. Aggression is for escalation in self-defense.
12:45 But if you've harmed yourself, getting angry at yourself is putting yourself
12:48 in a situation of aggressive self-defense, which is further splitting your personality and alienating
12:53 core parts of your identity. "I am the enemy." Slashes in two, sets against each other. Slashes
13:00 in four, eight, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, 1048. So yeah, it's not good. Spot the guy raised on
13:10 computers. Now, so I said it's a two-sided coin. So all guilt is a marker for a necessary apology
13:23 and restitution that's absent. You do something wrong to someone else and then you avoid restitution,
13:28 which really doesn't just harm, it pretty much wrecks the relationship. If you've done something
13:36 significantly wrong and you avoid apologies and restitution, then you're saying, "I prefer
13:43 status and dominance over the other person." And one of the reasons you don't apologize to people
13:50 is because you are certain or you've convinced yourself, maybe you're right, I don't know.
13:56 But one of the reasons you don't apologize to people is that you are certain that the people
14:02 you apologize to will abuse the vulnerability of your apology. So if you apologize to someone
14:09 and then they always bring it up later, "Oh, you're right. You're certain now, just like
14:13 that time you were certain before. It turned out you had to grovel before me and apologize and
14:17 you were so wrong. Oh, you're so certain now," or whatever it is. Or the restitution they demand
14:25 from your apology will be grinding you down for eternity. Because to apologize is to put yourself
14:34 in a state of vulnerability, in a state of lower status. And historically, of course,
14:40 the slave has to grovel before the master, the master never has to grovel before or apologize to
14:46 the slave. So if you feel sorry for something, but you feel a reluctance or fear to apologize
14:55 because you believe that someone will abuse your apology and use it to dominate and bully you,
15:03 then there's not a real relationship. There's a power play, there's a power structure.
15:08 It's win-lose. Win-lose is never a relationship. Win-lose is slavery. You go and work for some
15:17 place, they pay you 20 bucks an hour, you're winning 20 bucks an hour, they're winning
15:23 by making more than the 20 bucks they're paying you. Win-win, beautiful. But if it's win-lose,
15:30 it's not a relationship. It's an exploitation, it's a power play, it's a dominance and submission.
15:36 It is to relationships as slavery is to capitalism, to the free market. It's win-lose.
15:44 It's mutual, historical, entrapped status reinforcement. So if you're around someone
15:52 who's higher status than you and they keep you around to feel higher status,
15:55 then if you apologize to them, they will take that as a mark of their higher status,
16:00 of their dominance, of their superiority, and will use your apology to grind you down.
16:04 And thus you avoid apologies because apologies don't bring gratitude and recognition and intimacy
16:11 and closeness and trust. They bring bullying and dominance and subjugation and humiliation
16:16 and so on. Now, sorry, finally getting to the second side of the coin. The second side of the
16:22 coin, when I say that guilt is a manifestation of the absence of an apology, that also means that
16:31 the apology is owed to you by someone else. So if, you know, let's take sort of the classic
16:38 scenario of the manipulating or devouring mother. So the classic scenario of the manipulating or
16:43 devouring mother is the mother who inflicts guilt on her son for various things and says the son
16:54 owes her because she gave up everything and she sacrificed everything and she just thinks of him
17:01 morning, noon, and night. And so he owes her. And if he doesn't pay her back with time, attention,
17:06 money, resources, massaging her feet when she gets old, and if he doesn't basically
17:12 bow down his life before the altar of her bottomless needs, then he's a bad person and
17:18 he's selfish. And so she inflicts guilt on him in order to manipulate and control him. So she infects
17:25 him with a sickness, a spiritual sickness called guilt. And she says that you are cured of the
17:38 spiritual sickness called guilt only insofar as you serve me. It becomes like diabetes, right?
17:48 Like diabetes, when it's advanced, you got to take your insulin and if you don't take your insulin,
17:53 you get sick and die. You lose feet or eyes or whatever happens, right? Some Ella Fitzgerald
17:57 thing. So you get inflicted with a curse, a sin, a spiritual sickness, a self-hatred called guilt.
18:08 And then other people say, "Hey man, I'm going to give you this painkiller called obedience.
18:16 And with this painkiller called obedience, I'm not going to activate the spiritual sickness
18:20 called guilt." The little button there, right? Remote control, a detonator, so to speak, right?
18:28 I'm not going to activate this remote control called guilt. Just keep obeying me. And in some
18:35 of the more corrupt superstitious practices of the past, of course, you would be infected with
18:43 a spiritual sickness called sin and you would have to keep paying for and obeying the witch doctor
18:50 in order to be absolved of this perpetual incurable but only manageable through giving money,
18:57 time, resources, and obedience to the witch doctor. And only then can you be temporarily
19:02 or momentarily cured of the spiritual sickness called sin. So to inflict and infect you with a
19:14 curse and then be daily paid for the neutering of that curse is foundational to exploitation
19:25 through guilt. Now if people have exploited you through guilt, you're a bad person unless you
19:30 obey me. You're a selfish monster. You're ungrateful. You only think of your own pleasure
19:36 and your own needs. It's all projection, of course. But if you are infected with guilt in order to be
19:42 controlled, manipulated, bullied, and exploited, then the person who infected you with guilt owes
19:46 you an apology and the guilt is still a marker of the absence of apology. It is just the absence of
19:54 the apology on the part of the person who's infected you with guilt. Of course it's one of
20:00 the oldest tricks of power to inflict upon you a negative and then cure it on a perpetually
20:08 subjugated basis. By perpetually subjugating you and controlling you and taking your resources. So
20:13 people who don't have anything positive to offer will inflict negatives upon you until you comply.
20:20 People who have positive things to offer will exchange in a voluntary way value for value.
20:26 So a car dealership has a car to offer and you have twenty thousand dollars to offer and so you
20:36 exchange value in a voluntary fashion. However a thief who has neither a car nor twenty thousand
20:43 dollars will simply steal the car because he doesn't have anything to offer in exchange for
20:48 the car. So release from a negative, this is what kidnappers do, right? They'll take your pet or a
20:55 loved one and they will hold that until you pay them. They don't have anything of value to offer
21:00 other than the cessation of a negative, which is your agony at having your pet or loved one kidnapped.
21:06 Blackmailers do the same thing. They try to take your reputation hostage and have you pay them in
21:12 perpetuity. You know like those emails like "Bad news for you, I've gotten control of your
21:17 devices and I've seen what you've been doing" like "Whoop-de-doo, you've seen me check bitcoin
21:23 five times a day" so that is pretty foundational to understanding what guilt is.
21:30 So if you've done something wrong you owe someone an apology. If someone else has inflicted guilt
21:36 on you in order to control you they owe you an apology. Now in the first instance you have
21:43 control over the cessation of guilt like if you've done something wrong you have control over the
21:48 cessation of guilt because you can apologize. You have control over the cessation of guilt
21:57 because you can apologize. Now in the second instance let's say you have a mother who inflicts
22:02 guilt upon you in order to bully, control, manipulate and exploit you, you have control
22:08 over the guilt. You have control over the guilt which is in the first instance where you've done
22:17 something wrong you demand an apology from yourself. In the second instance when someone
22:24 else has wronged you, you demand an apology from them. Now of course you're in control
22:30 of whether you get an apology from yourself but you are not in control of whether someone else
22:37 apologizes to you. So if you've done something thoughtless and inconsiderate and hurtful
22:45 to a much beloved mother then you apologize to her. If a not so beloved mother has guilted and
22:54 bullied you for years with guilt and accusations and verbal abuse then she owes you an apology.
23:01 In the first instance you control whether you can apologize to your mother. In the second instance
23:06 you can't control whether your bad mother apologizes to you and where restitution has
23:11 become impossible apologies will either be absent or hollow. This is really, I understand this.
23:17 So let's say that your mother has been mean to you for 25 years. 25 years! Oh is there restitution
23:26 for that? Nope there's no restitution for that. Even if she accepts and acknowledges all the
23:32 wrongs you need seven times the good to overcome the bad. Right? You need seven times the good
23:39 to overcome the bad. So 175 is that? Seven times 25? Eight times 25 would be 200. So yeah you need
23:49 175 years of perfect behavior just to match the first 25 years of bad behavior not even including
23:55 the fact that first impressions tend to count a whole lot more. That the first 25 years counts
24:00 a whole lot more in the relationship than the time between 150 and 175 years. So it's never
24:06 functionally possible to restore. This is why when you do something wrong you try to sort it out as
24:11 quickly as humanly possible. Right? You try to sort it out as quickly as humanly possible because
24:16 otherwise you're accruing a significant debt to put it mildly. So if you have been wronged
24:25 if you have been wronged by again we'll just go with the traditional mother thing she says
24:30 you're selfish and ungrateful if you don't do what she wants. Well it's universal which is why
24:36 adulthood is important in these matters. It's universal right? So if you're selfish and mean
24:41 for not doing what your mother wants and you want her to apologize then she's selfish and mean for
24:47 not doing what you want because it's universal. Right? The principle is it is selfish and mean
24:53 to not do what other people want. Okay? So that's circular right? And given that she chose to have
24:58 you but you didn't choose her as a mother and if you can think of times when as a child and I'm
25:04 sure you can if your mother was mean where she did not do what you want she didn't even inquire
25:09 what you want. Right? So if the mother says you're selfish and mean for not doing what I want
25:14 then you would say or you could say what is it that I want in this relationship? What is it that
25:19 I want in life? What is it that I like? What are my preferences? And of course a really selfish
25:24 person just won't know. I've already said a narcissistic person that just won't know these
25:28 things. So it's like okay so I'm bad for not doing what you want but you don't even know what I want.
25:33 Isn't that even more selfish to not even inquire for what I want? Well it's your job to tell me
25:38 and it's like well is it? So you have no idea what I want even though you carried me in your
25:45 womb gave birth to me raised me for 20 years you have no idea what I want. None. Not even a bit.
25:52 Well that just indicates that you don't know me at all. Right? So when people fail to meet your
25:58 needs and they're mean people they will always tell you that it's your problem your issue your
26:04 fault for not telling them explicitly what you need which is far from ideal. But of course
26:12 people inflict negatives on you by definition because they can't motivate you with a positive.
26:19 You know if my mother were to ask me to do things I would feel sort of resentful and negative because
26:25 of the prior history and current circumstances of abuse. Whereas you know I mean other people in my
26:30 life ask me to do things that I care about I'm like yep absolutely totally happy to happy to help
26:37 happy to help because there's love and respect and mutuality and all kinds of good stuff going on.
26:43 So guilt is really really important you look in your heart and you say did I do wrong? So it really
26:51 comes down to and this sounds very analytical and abstract it's really very powerful when you get it
26:57 it comes down to are you willing and happy to accept in your life asymmetrical relationships?
27:05 Asymmetrical relationships are where the principles that dominate the relationship
27:10 are opposites. So you have to do what your mom wants if she's dysfunctional and bullying you
27:18 have to do what your mom wants or you're mean and selfish. But your mom doesn't have to do what you
27:23 want and coincidentally if you try to get your mom to do what you want you are also mean and selfish
27:31 right? So it's an asymmetrical relationship it breaks your brain because you have to ignore that
27:35 basic hypocrisy. If you don't do what I want you're mean and selfish. If you try to make me do what you
27:42 want you're mean and selfish and dominant and controlling right? So that's terrible. It's
27:50 more than asymmetry just that means sort of things are out of whack but this is like opposite you have
27:55 to ignore the opposite that it's one rule for you obey or be abused but it's another rule for your
28:04 mother which is you're abusive if you try to make her obey. She has legitimate needs that you're mean
28:14 and selfish for denying her all your needs are illegitimate and you're selfish and mean for
28:22 trying to impose them upon her. If you don't do what she wants you're dysfunctional but you're
28:29 also dysfunctional for trying to get her to do what you want. If she doesn't get her needs met
28:38 in the relationship it's your fault for being selfish and withholding. If you don't get your
28:44 needs met in the relationship it's because your needs are greedy and irrational and abusive.
28:52 So if she doesn't get her needs met it's your fault. If you don't get your needs met
28:58 oh look it's also your fault right? So this is just terrible stuff. Terrible stuff. So yeah with
29:06 regards to guilt look for the absence of the apology. If you've wronged others it's because
29:10 you haven't apologized. If others have wronged you it's because they haven't apologized and in order
29:15 to cover up their lack of apology they inflict guilt upon you. To keep you doubting yourself
29:21 guilt is doubt right? Guilt is doubt. If you've done the right thing you don't doubt. Guilt is
29:26 doubt and there's nothing wrong with doubt. If you confidently do the wrong thing then guilt is your
29:30 way of saying your brain's way of saying "ah not so sure not so quick there bucko not so certain
29:35 don't be don't be so certain and we think you did the wrong thing. I think you did something wrong."
29:39 So guilt is a way of putting on the brakes and re-evaluating the situation and touching the GPS
29:45 and re-centering and right because you might have done something wrong. Guilt is doubt. It's good.
29:48 Doubt is fine and you should also doubt whether the guilt is legitimate because the guilt
29:55 because it's such a powerful control mechanism particularly for Christians for reasons that are
30:00 fairly clear you have to be doubtful whether or not the guilt is just and the way that you find
30:09 that out is you do that ninja reversal. If the principle of your relationship with a dysfunctional
30:15 mother is you have to do what she wants or you're a bad person then that's a universal principle.
30:22 Can it be reversed? If she doesn't do what you want is she a selfish person? But if she wriggles
30:28 out of that then it's not a principle it's a control mechanism. She's got no principle and
30:34 the only way that guilt works is if you think it's a principle. Once you see it if it's manipulative
30:38 once you see it as a manipulative control tool your soul will be disgusted be revolted that your
30:44 virtues and your moral sensitivity have been used to bully control and exploit you that somebody is
30:49 so corrupt that they've taken your virtues and turned them into vices that serve them that
30:56 they've exploited your caring for that person in order to bully control manipulate and exploit you
31:04 your soul will revolt. Your soul will revolt because it is revolting to take your virtues
31:13 and use them to bully and exploit you to strip mine your caring for another person
31:17 to get you to serve their bottomless endless victim full narcissistic needs. It's repulsive
31:25 it is revolting it's like the people who pretend to be injured by the side of the road and then
31:32 rob beat rape and assault people they're taking the kindness and exploiting it they recognize
31:40 that you have virtue and they target the virtuous whereas the careless are safe from them right if
31:45 you don't care about people by the side of the road if you're that kind of selfish you're fine
31:49 you're safe right so it is repulsive when you see it and then you're owed an apology
31:56 and that apology will never come because once you've repeatedly exploited someone for their
32:03 virtues with no intention of reciprocity your soul is beyond saving. I'm talking years and
32:11 in particular talking parents because there's no restitution possible when you have exploited
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