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00:00 Question for you, what do you do when you realize a relationship that you had in
00:05 the past is no longer healthy and helpful for you in the present? You know
00:11 what that situation is? That's when you're dealing with a lot. Not a lot in
00:15 terms of a lot, but a lot in terms of a biblical character named lot. I help you
00:19 answer that question in this message. Now I want you to tap in. It's called "This is
00:25 a Lot." And I got one request of you. If this message blesses you and helps you,
00:30 just share it with some other people. Enjoy the message. Well you came to
00:35 church on the right day.
00:38 Because we're going to explore this in our time together. So let's go to the
00:43 book of Genesis chapter number 13 verse number 5 and it reads like this, "Now Lot
00:50 who was moving about with Abram also had flocks, herds, and tents. But the land
00:56 could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so
01:00 great that they were not able to stay together. And quarreling arose between
01:06 Abram's herders and Lot's. The Canaanites and the Perizzites were also living in
01:12 the land at that time. So Abram said to Lot, 'Let's not have any quarreling
01:15 between you and me or between your herders and mine, for we're close
01:19 relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let's part company. If you go to the
01:24 left, I'll go to the right. If you go to the right, then I'll go to the left.'" I
01:31 want to stop the reading of Scripture right there and I want to talk from this
01:34 subject in our time together family. This is a lot.
01:40 Clap your hands if you're ready for the Word of God. This is a lot. This is a
01:47 lot. For a large part of my childhood, we grew up in a house with one television.
01:55 It wasn't a flat-screen television with apps. It was a box television with an
02:03 antenna. It wasn't a television that had a remote. If you were a child, you were
02:15 the remote. You had to get up and change that channel. So because there was only
02:22 one television, whenever anyone was watching a show, everyone had to watch
02:27 that show. So if my mom was watching television, specifically during the day,
02:32 we had to watch what my mom was watching. And my mom used to watch something
02:37 called stories. Soap operas. I'm talking about General Hospital. The Young and
02:48 the Restless. As the World Turns. The Days of Our Lives. We had to
02:58 watch stories. If she was watching television during the day, it was stories.
03:03 And if she was watching television at night, it was staple series. Series like,
03:09 y'all way too young for this. Matlock.
03:13 MacGyver. I lost some of you there. The Golden Girls. Full House. A Different
03:27 World. Living Single. Martin. Family Matters. And The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
03:39 Had to watch what she was watching. And my father, on the other hand, didn't watch a
03:46 lot of television. And when he did, it was educational in nature. He would always
03:51 watch something called National Geographic. So he would have this unique
04:01 interest in shows that focused on animals and the animal kingdom. So we
04:09 were exposed to an array of information on animals in the animal kingdom that at
04:14 the time seemed random, inconsequential, and irrelevant. But because God is a good
04:20 steward, he wastes nothing. And at the time, it seemed random and
04:26 inconsequential and irrelevant. But now as I stand before you today, I see it was
04:32 an asset. He wastes nothing. Because as I reflect on that situation back then, it
04:40 gave me a revelation for right now. I saw through watching National Geographic that
04:47 God endowed all of his creation with the ability to protect itself. Did you hear
04:58 what I just said? You got there from, I got there from watching National
05:02 Geographic. God endowed all of his creation with unique abilities to help
05:10 them protect themselves and to provide for themselves and to prosper
05:16 themselves. He gave the bird wings to fly. He gave the lion strength. He gave the
05:22 elephant size. He gave the cheetah speed. And if they utilize their unique ability
05:29 that he gave them, it helped them prosper and protect themselves. Therefore, if a
05:34 bird doesn't use its wings, and if a lion doesn't use its strength, and if an
05:39 elephant doesn't use its size, and if a cheetah doesn't use its speed, then they
05:44 can't blame God when they're not protected.
05:48 Because God, by his grace, endowed all of his creation with the ability to protect
05:56 and to prosper themselves. And if God did this for animals, which is the lowest
06:03 level of his creation, what did he do for us as humans, which are some of the
06:09 highest levels of his? What is man that thou art mindful of him, for thou hast
06:14 made him a little lower than the angels. If he did it for lions and tigers and
06:21 bears, what did he do for us? He didn't give me wings like a bird, but he gave me
06:30 something that helped me fly. He didn't give me speed like a cheetah, but he gave
06:36 me something that'll help me outrun one. He didn't give me the size of an
06:42 elephant, but he gave me something that'll put an elephant down. He didn't
06:48 give me the strength of a lion, but he gave me something that's stronger than a
06:52 lion. He gave me something no other creature in the created order has. He
06:58 gave me a mind like his. Come on here. One of the ways we are made in the image and
07:11 likeness of God is we are thinking beings and we have the capacity to think
07:17 and create on a level that no other species in the created order can think
07:23 and create on. Animals operate with instinct. We operate with a reason and
07:29 logic and rationale. So I can't fly like a bird, but God used a human mind to
07:36 create an airplane. Y'all miss what I just said. We can't outrun a cheetah, but
07:41 God used a human mind to create an automobile. Are you hearing what I'm
07:46 saying? He gave us, and just like the bird can't complain if it doesn't use its
07:51 wings and the cheetah can't complain when it doesn't use its speed and the
07:55 lion can't complain when it doesn't use its strength and the elephant can't
07:59 complain when it doesn't use its size. Humans shouldn't complain when you don't
08:03 use your mind.
08:06 He says one of the ways I protect you is by giving you ability to protect
08:16 yourself. Got to use my mind, my choices, my decisions, and I've got to make
08:34 decisions. Listen to pastor. I've got to make decisions that are aligned with my
08:41 destiny, and that requires what we've been teaching all month, and that is that
08:49 requires discernment. Discernment regarding who should be in my life, what
08:59 seat they should occupy, and how long they should occupy that seat. And part of,
09:08 are y'all following me? And part of this discernment process, this practice of,
09:15 part of this practice of discernment family is discerning when your lot is
09:23 costing you a lot. Did you hear what I just said? Yeah, yeah. Pastor, what do you
09:32 mean? Well, well, well, for you to understand what I'm attempting to
09:35 articulate, we've got to go to the text here in Genesis chapter number 13,
09:39 because Genesis 13 gives us some detail here that I think is extremely important
09:46 and is often overlooked, but you can't understand the content in chapter 13
09:50 without understanding the context in chapter 12, because the only reason we're
09:54 introduced to Lot in the Bible is because a lot is a part of a man named
09:58 Abram or Abraham's story. In Genesis chapter 12, verse number 1, I want you to
10:03 see what God says to a man named Abram. I'm gonna see if the 115 talks back to
10:09 the pastor today. It says, "The Lord said to Abram, 'Go from your country, your
10:16 people, and your father's household to a land I'll show you.'" Let's read it together.
10:24 The Lord said to Abram, right? Abram didn't say to the Lord. The Lord said to
10:30 Abram, "This is what I need you to do. Go from your country, your people, and your
10:37 father's household." I want you to see the degree of detail. "Go from your country,
10:43 your people, and your father's household to the land I'll show you." And God's like,
10:50 "Abram, I'm getting ready to do a new thing, and the new thing will require
10:55 separation from old influences." Come on here. So he says, "I need to put some
11:02 distance between what has been influencing you, come on, and what's
11:07 getting ready to influence you. Listen to me, because whoever has your ear has your
11:11 future." Y'all missed that. I said, "Who you're listening to today is gonna
11:19 determine what life looks like tomorrow." So I cannot adjust my future if I am not
11:25 willing to make adjustments with my ear. He said, "I'm getting ready to do a new thing,
11:31 and so this new thing is gonna require separation from old influences." Abram,
11:36 I'm not even saying these people are bad people. I'm saying what I'm getting ready
11:42 to do with you is gonna require you opening yourself up to foreign
11:48 influences. Am I making sense? Okay, so God tells Abram, let's look at verse 1
11:57 again. This is a good class today. Here it is, "Go from your country,
12:03 your people, and your father's household to the land I'll show you." That's what
12:08 God said to Abraham. And many people believe Abraham obeyed God, partially.
12:15 Where you get that from? The Bible? Because look at verse 4. Verse 4 says, "So
12:22 Abram went as the Lord told him, and Lot went with him."
12:30 Who is Lot? Who is Lot? Look at verse 5. "He took his wife Sarah, his nephew Lot."
12:44 Okay, go back to verse 1. Go back to verse 1. Go back to verse 1.
12:48 Verse 1 says, "The Lord said to Abram, 'Go from your country, your people.'" But verse
12:59 4 says, "Abraham went, Abram went, and Lot went with him." So he obeyed, but he obeyed
13:08 partially. Are y'all catching this? He took somebody with him to a place they
13:18 weren't assigned to go. So his affection for them got confused. He confused his
13:27 affection for them with his assignment to them. See, you can have affection for
13:32 what you're not assigned to. Don't you miss this? And so it is possible for
13:39 Abraham to operate with what's known as a messianic complex, when someone
13:44 unconsciously becomes everybody's Savior and Messiah. That when it... come on now,
13:50 that happens when you assume every need is your responsibility. It means now you
13:57 have stepped out of humanity into a degree and a dimension of so-called or
14:02 pseudo divinity, because God is the only one that can be for and around for all
14:10 people at all times. He's the only one that can meet every need. So every need
14:16 is not your responsibility. You got to trust God to meet a need through
14:21 somebody else besides you. And if you think you're the only one he can use, you
14:33 will carry lots you're supposed to leave, because you think lots better off with
14:39 you.
14:41 I'm gonna show you one more thing. I'm gonna get out the way. Give me verse
14:50 one. Give me verse one again. And the Lord said to Abram, okay? Now give me verse
14:59 four. So Abram went as the Lord told him. So Abram is the one that carries lot
15:08 with him. Not Abraham. He hasn't become Abraham yet. His name hasn't been changed
15:21 yet. So Abraham represents him stepping into the fullness of his potential.
15:27 Abraham represents the superior version of himself. So Abram makes a decision in
15:34 one season that Abraham's got to deal with in another. And don't look at lot
15:42 strange, because all of us made some relationship choices when you were in
15:52 one season of your life that you look back on and reflect on, and you say I was
15:58 Abram then, because there's no way Abraham would have made a choice like
16:02 that. I was Sarai then. There's no way Sarah would have made a choice like that.
16:09 You don't like me no more? No, Sarah liked you. Sarah don't like you no more.
16:26 Here's what's so powerful. So Abraham carries lot with him, and for a
16:33 season there's no consequence for a bad choice. Everything is fine until chapter
16:42 13. And in chapter 13 they start growing. Now I'm not gonna bother this too much,
16:49 but the text says, the text says Abraham and Lot had herds. So Lot, okay you got to
16:59 catch this, so Lot leaves with Abraham and he experiences increase because of
17:05 his association. Well I want you to see this now. So the Bible says something
17:15 very interesting. It says that there starts to be tension between Abraham and
17:22 Lot because of growth. So for a season there's no consequence. Chapter 12, no
17:33 consequence for a bad choice. But then in chapter 13 they start dealing with
17:39 consequence because the growth in chapter 13 created some tension that
17:45 didn't exist in chapter 12. Because sometimes the only way you and Lot don't
17:52 have tension is if one of y'all don't grow.
17:56 Y'all not talking to me. Yeah, yeah, come on here, right? Yeah, come on. Some of us
18:05 are too afraid of tension when tension sometimes is the consequence of growth.
18:13 Because tension sometimes is an indication that I have a diminished
18:20 degree of tolerance for what I used to have a high level of tolerance for. Y'all
18:25 missed it, y'all missed it, y'all missed it, you missed it. Sometimes people can
18:30 be doing what they've always done. You're just now in a season where it bothers
18:34 you in a way that it didn't used to bother you. And the reason it bothers you
18:38 now is because you've grown. And when you grow your tolerance for that which is
18:43 unhealthy and unhelpful and dysfunctional diminishes. So they're
18:48 confused about your reaction but you're confused about your reaction because
18:52 you're wondering why is it that I don't like this no more.
18:57 It's interesting. So Abraham, so now you begin, this is so interesting, now you
19:11 begin to see why God wanted Abram to leave Lot. And I won't bore you with
19:19 all the details because I want to get very practical here in just a second. But
19:22 what ends up happening, when you read the rest of this narrative, you'll see
19:26 there's a cycle of detrimental decisions that are tied to what happens when
19:34 Abraham literally looks at Lot and says, "Listen, we at a point that for us to say
19:39 close, we can't be close. So I'm gonna let you pick where you want to go. I'm just
19:46 gonna go where you not."
19:51 He says, come on, it's in the text, he says, "If you go right, I'm gonna go left. And
19:57 if you go left, I'm gonna go right." You following me? This is interesting because
20:03 he's in a situation where he's like, "Abram made a choice that Abraham's gotta
20:09 live with. So because I pulled you away from the family, I can't send you back. So
20:19 now I gotta figure out what to do with a relationship that's complicated. Because
20:27 you're my nephew. So how I deal with you not only affects you and I's relationship,
20:33 but my sister, brother, or my sister-in-law, or brother-in-law are also
20:38 gonna be indirectly impacted. But what, it's a lot of layers with this. But Lot
20:47 makes this, makes a decision here that's the beginning of toxic behavior. Out of
20:55 all the places he could have pitched his tent, he pitched his tent at a, the Bible
20:59 says, outside a place called Sodom. Sodom ends up getting attacked. I want you
21:05 to see, I want you to see this. Now Lot has all these herdsmen and all these
21:10 people with him. They couldn't protect him though. So they all get taken captive.
21:15 One gets set free or escapes. He runs to Abraham and says, "They just got your
21:21 nephew." Abraham has to stop what he's doing. Go get 318 of his trained soldiers.
21:27 Go find Lot, engage in battle, get Lot, and bring him back safely. I don't have
21:35 time to bother this, but when he's returning back, this is when he runs into
21:38 Melchizedek. Y'all missed it. He runs into Melchizedek and he's carrying spoils that
21:44 he got from a victory that God helped him accomplish. Y'all missed it, right? And he
21:50 recognizes, I wouldn't have say, my life wouldn't have been spared and my team's
21:54 life wouldn't have been spared and Lot's life wouldn't have been spared if you
21:58 didn't help me. So he gives Melchizedek a tent of all. King of Salem, righteousness
22:08 and peace. Melchizedek, a King and a priest, a Christophany, a manifestation of
22:14 Jesus in one form in the Old Testament before his full manifestation in the new.
22:18 A Christophany, it is when Jesus shows up temporarily early. We see it when
22:27 the Hebrew boys were in the fiery furnace and the King said, "Did we not put
22:32 three men in the fire?" They say, "Yeah." He say, "But I see four and the fourth one
22:37 looks like the Son of God." Because sometimes when you're in trouble, God'll show up
22:42 early. Woof! Y'all better come get me. When the wine ran out at the
22:49 wedding of Cana of Galilee and Mary goes to Jesus and says, "Do something about this."
22:54 He says, "It's not my time yet. It's too early." She didn't even look at him. She
22:58 looked at the servants like a strong mama and say, "Whatever he say do, do it."
23:04 Here's the point. I want you to see the danger of a lot. Are y'all ready for
23:11 this? God's got a destiny for Abraham. Lot becomes a distraction because he's
23:18 got to stop whatever he's doing. Get the 318 men. Go put himself at risk. Put his
23:26 team at risk. And he's leveraging a relationship with 318 men for them to
23:32 put their life on the line for a man they might not know or even like. I'm not
23:38 bothering this. Because some people are... Can I buy? Yeah. Some people get
23:46 deceptive. Some people get deceived by their association with you. And because
23:52 they're associated with you, they start thinking they're you. And Abraham like,
24:00 "These 318 men are not fighting Lot because they love you. They don't even
24:06 know you. These 318 men are fighting because they know me. I am leveraging my
24:14 relationships to help you."
24:18 He's got to stop what he's doing. And I'm saying you hit a season in purpose, a
24:34 season of responsibility or a season of pressure where you don't have the time
24:40 to keep stopping to rescue those that you feel responsible for that you're not
24:48 responsible for. Did you hear what I just said? And here's what happens. Lot goes
25:00 right back to the same place that he got rescued from. His activity is an
25:08 indication that there's a lack of appreciation for everything it cost
25:12 Abraham to get him out. Y'all missed it. Because he's probably looking at Abraham
25:18 saying, "He's got more than I got. It's not gonna cost him anything. He got it."
25:25 Did you hear what I just said? Because here's the thing. When God
25:31 has graced or anointed a person to do a thing, they make a hard thing look easy.
25:36 And it's really dangerous to make a hard thing look easy because onlookers will
25:42 look at what you're carrying and they will assume it's easy because it look
25:46 easy. And so they don't adequately accommodate you or they don't
25:51 appropriately appreciate you because they don't know how hard it is to be you.
25:59 Oh he got it. This man risked his life. He leveraged relationships of 318 men that
26:16 were loyal to him. He leveraged that to rescue a man who went right back to the
26:24 same place. All that for you to go right back to the same place. You mean I did
26:39 all of that for you to go right back to the same place? Come on. I was building my
26:46 business. I was writing my book. But every time you call me about him, I stop what
26:52 I'm doing and listen to you. Let me go to this side. And listen to you talk about
26:57 him in my ear. And I pray for you, coach you, and counsel you. I put my business
27:04 and my life on hold to help you. And as soon as some time passed, I look back. You
27:14 all in my text when y'all not doing good. But it's silence of the lambs when y'all
27:21 make back up. I know y'all made back up because I don't hear from you as much.
27:26 Went back to the same place.
27:31 Lot cost a lot.
27:43 And here's one of the truths we have to learn. We got to learn, family.
27:52 And I talk about this in relational intelligence. Everybody should be loved
27:55 biblically. What does that mean? You love them with agape love. What's that?
28:00 That's not a feeling. That's not a feeling. So when the Bible says,
28:07 "Love your enemies," it's not telling you to feel a thing. Because the word that's
28:11 used for love there is it comes from the word agape. So when it says,
28:17 "Love your enemies," it's not saying, "Have Eros for your enemies."
28:20 It's not saying, "Feel for your enemies what you feel for your spouse."
28:23 It's not saying, "Have phileo," brotherly love. It's not saying,
28:27 "Have brotherly." It's not saying, "Feel for your enemies what you feel
28:30 for your friend." Agape is not a feeling. It's an unconquerable benevolence.
28:36 That means it is my commitment to do the best to do what's in your best interest,
28:41 even if you never have my best interest in mind. It is not a feeling.
28:48 It is how I commit to treat you. So when God says, "Love your enemies,"
28:54 he's saying, "Do what is in their best interest, regardless if they don't have
28:59 your best interest in mind." So love everybody biblically. Treat them justly.
29:09 Treat them according to what culture calls, one of Jesus' teachings,
29:13 the golden rule. Do to others what you would have them do to you.
29:18 So love them biblically, treat them justly, but manage them differently.
29:25 Treating everybody right doesn't mean treating them the same.
29:30 And you must have discernment when it comes to the kind of investment you're
29:36 supposed to make in people. Where you get that from? The Bible.
29:42 "Neither give that which is holy to the dog." Don't give that which is holy
29:45 to the dogs. "Neither cast your pearls before..." Jesus said that.
29:53 So it means I got to be able to discern, one, what's a pearl.
29:58 Because some of you are giving pearls away and you don't know it's a pearl,
30:01 so you're giving it to swine because you don't know how valuable what you're
30:06 giving away is. But I also got to be able to discern swine, a bad investment.
30:14 That's bad stewardship. So if I risk all this and you keep going back,
30:26 it's bad stewardship for me to keep stopping what I'm doing.
30:33 Because this lot is costing a lot. This man not only goes back,
30:37 he sets up roots there. And there's a cycle of dysfunction that all happens
30:42 because of where he's connected, where he plants himself.
30:46 He just wouldn't uproot himself from those influences. And at some point,
30:50 somebody's got to ask, "Why are you so comfortable there?"
30:58 Man, stuff starts happening there, like some guys come there and they're
31:01 trying to engage in all sorts of debauchery. And the Bible says this man has
31:04 two virgin daughters and he's about to give his two virgin daughters
31:07 to strangers. Come on, man. The Bible says they experience a natural
31:14 disaster that's interpreted as judgment, and they're leaving and they're running.
31:18 They're not supposed to look back. His wife looks back, turns to a pillar of salt.
31:22 None of that happens if they're not there. Did you hear what I'm saying?
31:31 So look at just this cycle of decisions that he's making because being with lot
31:39 cost a lot. So what do I do with my lots? See, because lot's not a stranger.
31:59 We're talking about toxic people and they strangers. It's like, "Well,
32:01 I'll never talk to you again. That's easy." But what happens when there's a lot?
32:07 When there's history? When there's affection? When I can't just ghost you?
32:17 When we go to Thanksgiving at the same place. What do I do?
32:25 "Pastor, I've been managing toxic behavior on my own, but how does the Bible inform
32:34 what I should actually do?" Four steps I'm going to give you and we're
32:37 out of here. Here it is. Number one, I see this with Abraham.
32:40 The first thing I got to be willing to do is have a conversation.
32:45 Listen to this because in the text we read, Abraham initiates a conversation
32:50 with lot saying, "We got to do something about this." Because the conversation
32:57 gives the people an opportunity to get a revelation of how their behavior is
33:02 impacting you. Listen to me. What most people do when they're trying to have a
33:08 corrective conversation or a revelatory conversation, I mean,
33:11 I need you to get a revelation of what this is like for me.
33:15 Because you don't have 318 trained men, so you don't know what it's like to gather
33:19 them up together. You got some herds, so you think you got the herds I got.
33:27 Abraham like, "This is not the same. I got some herds too.
33:30 Yours couldn't protect you. I had to come help you. We're not carrying the same."
33:37 Got it? So some people assume they understand your reality and they don't.
33:45 So what a conversation does is speaking the truth in love,
33:48 is communicating to them, "This is how that behavior impacts me.
33:54 I had to stop what I'm doing, and this is what I was doing. I had to stop that.
34:01 I had to stop it this long, and I had to go and ask men to leave their wife
34:06 and children to come help me help you. And they love me, but they don't know you
34:12 like that." It's a conversation. Why? Because I don't want to make the
34:18 assumption that they won't repent or make a U-turn once they get a revelation.
34:28 Did you hear what I just said? So I got to speak the truth in love because I need
34:33 to give God an opportunity to use what I exposed to them to inspire them to change
34:40 their behavior. Y'all hear me? Now, I'm not making excuses for anybody's
34:48 insensitivity, but you need to know, nobody knows, nobody can know the pressure
34:53 of your seat if they're not sitting in it. Nobody. Nobody.
34:59 They can empathize, they can't even sympathize. So there's got to be a
35:04 conversation. Say, "Hey, this is the behavior. This is how that behavior's
35:11 impacting me." And what this conversation does is really, really important.
35:15 I want you to see something in 2 Corinthians chapter number 10.
35:19 And the writer says this. He says...this is Paul, excuse me.
35:24 Paul says, "And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience once your
35:32 obedience is complete." See, this conversation gives them an
35:38 opportunity to make adjustments. It gives you an opportunity to grow
35:42 from having it, but it gives God an opportunity to bless you because of it.
35:49 So if they're not stewarding you biblically, then that's disobedience.
35:53 But God can't deal with their disobedience, the text, until your obedience is fulfilled.
36:02 So you're like, "Why isn't God dealing with them?" Because God's like,
36:05 "You hadn't obeyed me. You ain't had the conversation."
36:08 They wrong for doing it, and God's like, "You're wrong for holding it and not
36:15 saying anything. So y'all both need grace. So you want me to get them,
36:21 I got to get you too. If I get to getting, I got to get both of y'all."
36:27 He says, "I cannot punish an act of disobedience until your obedience
36:33 is fulfilled." Y'all all right? Conversation.
36:49 This is important now because remember, the conversation gives them an opportunity
36:54 to grow from hearing it. It gives you an opportunity to grow
36:57 from having it. Because these conversations require you addressing emotional snipers.
37:05 And those are the emotional issues you can't see. You can't see a sniper.
37:12 So if it's an issue you know about, that's not a sniper. The sniper is the one you
37:16 don't know about. And sometimes having these conversations helps overcome those
37:25 snipers. Fear rejection, people pleasing, hypersensitivity.
37:32 So even if they don't grow from hearing it, you grow from having it.
37:44 That's if we want to deal with it the King's way. All right, number two.
37:49 Okay, if I had a conversation and I explain to you the setting, the behavior,
37:56 and the impact, and you still don't make an adjustment, now you force me to the
38:01 second step. That's limitation. That means now I set boundaries and I deal
38:08 with you in doses. And I determine the dosage. When I start feeling side effects
38:16 from my association with you, that's too much of a dose. Y'all aren't talking to
38:21 me. Some of our issue is you're not dealing with them in doses.
38:27 You talk, there's nothing wrong with talking with them, but you're talking too
38:29 long. There's nothing wrong with being around them, but you're around them too
38:34 long. You're taking it too far. You can only handle it in doses. I got to go.
38:39 And if I'm dealing with you in doses and that's not working, now I go to the
38:52 third step, which is separation. Watch this. Y'all, they got excited.
38:59 "Yes, pastor. You could have skipped the first two. That's the one I want."
39:07 Separation. This is when you suspend interaction for a period of time for the
39:19 purpose of deciding whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging. And you
39:26 need the separation to sober you emotionally so that you're not making a
39:34 decision when you're intoxicated by emotions. So you use the separation to
39:41 sober yourself emotionally so now you can objectively evaluate the situation
39:46 and say, "Now, let me be honest. Is this even worth fixing? Y'all not talking to
39:51 me here." Now, you're not making a judgment on their worth because everybody's
39:57 equally valuable in the eyes of God, but everyone doesn't add equal value to you.
40:01 So you got to ask yourself it honestly. See, Henry Cloud in his book Never Go
40:10 Back says this. He gives like 10 reasons for never going back and here's one of
40:13 the first ones. I'll never forget this one. He said, "Never go back if the reason you
40:17 left is still there." Play Tario. I got one. I got to go to Morehouse. Here it is.
40:25 Never go back if the reason you left is still there.
40:31 Separation. Let me suspend interaction so I can sober myself
40:38 emotionally to decide whether or not this is even worth fighting for. What am
40:44 I fighting for? And then if at separation I don't see fruit...
40:57 Now, I'm not even going to... Let me borrow this just a little bit. During separation,
41:03 it's okay to ask yourself two questions. One, is it healthy to? Then number two,
41:08 do I want to? Do I want to? What are my wants telling me? It's not do I want to do
41:27 the work, do I want to... That's different. But no, but actually am I in a season
41:33 where I want what comes with them? Not just do I want them, do I want what
41:45 come with them? And if in that season, I feel like I realize, okay,
42:02 it's not best for us to continue, here's the mentality you got to have.
42:06 In the kingdom, God does not have to hurt somebody to help me.
42:13 Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, he doesn't have to block your blessing
42:16 to give me one. He doesn't have to make things worse for you to make it better
42:20 for me. In the kingdom, when it's done Kingsway, there is no exploitation.
42:26 So what's best for the relationship... Come on. Abraham, what's best for you is
42:31 what's best for Lot. Lot just don't know it yet. And so that's that last one,
42:37 that is elimination. That is the termination of that relationship.
42:45 It is the releasing of them into God's next. It is not waiting for somebody else
42:55 to get a revelation that this no longer serves us. It is taking the initiative
43:02 to say, "In this season of my life, this person doesn't serve me well."
43:12 And this was Abram's family. Because in the Bible... I'm not going to bother.
43:21 In the Bible teaches that your honor, you should always honor,
43:27 but intimacy is based on character, not last name. Now, you can live that way and
43:35 call yourself a Christian, but that's not the Christian way to live.
43:41 Yes, sir. It's family, there should be honor. Honor because of last name.
43:51 Intimacy because of fruit. Love freely given. Access is earned.
44:00 It's earned by the safety of your character. And if you don't get that,
44:05 then some family members will have you feeling bad about doing the right thing
44:10 because they feel entitled to access. No, you're entitled to honor.
44:16 You're entitled to love, but they're not entitled to access.
44:21 The only people that get access are people that demonstrate fruit that says safety.
44:27 And sometimes there's a friend that sits closer than a brother.
44:41 And the reason I'm on this... Let's go, Tariel. The reason I'm on this,
44:46 I want you to fill my heart with this. I preach from the posture of a pastor.
44:54 Your pain provokes some of my preaching. I am not teaching this because I don't
45:02 have anything else to teach. I'm studying for my next series already.
45:07 I'm getting ready to give you 21 things the Bible say about the Holy Spirit.
45:10 I got other stuff to teach. But I have seen nothing in 20 years of
45:17 pastoral ministry, I've seen nothing bring more pain to people than people.
45:29 I haven't seen it. So it's almost irresponsible to know that
45:36 and to not try to equip people with the wisdom that they need to manage their
45:44 relationships wisely. And what God is getting ready to thrust you into...
45:54 See, some of you talking about your season, my season, my season.
45:57 Your season mean busy. When you get in your season,
46:01 you start saying, "The devil not the only one busy.
46:03 I'm busy too." The responsibility is, you know,
46:11 people ask from time to time, "Pastor, how do you do all the things you do?"
46:14 There's no way I could do it if I was surrounded by lots.
46:19 I'm surrounded by assets. Y'all missed what I just said.
46:25 I'm surrounded by assets, not liabilities. But there's no way I could do what God's
46:32 called me to do if every three weeks I've got to stop what I'm doing to go
46:38 rescue lots. And if you're doing that, you're committing what Dr.
46:46 A.R. Bernard calls the sin of transposition. You have taken something that is not sinful
46:51 and put it in a place that makes it sinful. You've taken a good thing,
46:56 you put it in a bad place over God, now you made that good thing a bad thing.
47:01 Because now you put your relationship with life over your assignment.
47:09 God likes, so you're just going to keep letting that distract you because that's
47:11 what you want. And it's something I'm trying to get you
47:16 to build, it's something I'm trying to get you to do, it's something I'm trying to get
47:20 you to write, but you're going to keep putting down what I put in your hands so
47:25 you can pick up what I never assigned you to carry. You can't do it. And this is
47:35 what I'm learning. You can't elevate and you can't upgrade if you have to be
47:40 understood. I gotta go. I pray God gives you deliverance from the need to be
47:51 understood. You hear pastor? You can't stop, you can't keep doing this in this
48:03 area. Lot is costing you a lot. This, this is a lot. Father I pray over each and
48:15 every person in this room, wisdom, grace, and discernment to manage whatever lot
48:26 that's been allotted to us in this season. I ask this in Jesus name, amen.