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00:00:00I am a haunted house, and she is the ghost in the attic, turning on lights, stomping
00:00:23on the floor, and making herself known in every reflection I see.
00:00:29She's there, she's always there, to remind me of how lonely the world can be, to remind
00:00:37me that we are all fragile.
00:00:40I am there, with her, up those stairs, sitting in the dark, planning our future together.
00:00:48A future we will never have, a future I will never deserve.
00:00:56I am an exorcist, purging her with pigment.
00:01:03If there was one thing you could change about your life, what would it be?
00:01:23One thing?
00:01:25One thing's all I get?
00:01:28One thing's all I get, I don't want to play this game.
00:01:35I want to be President of the United States.
00:01:38That's right.
00:01:40That way I can declare a state of anarchy.
00:01:44I want to be a movie star, a big fucking movie star, live in a big fucking house, make big
00:01:53fucking movies.
00:01:58I want to be the love child of Sid Vicious and Molly Ringwald.
00:02:07I don't want to sit up all night in an all-night diner and order nothing.
00:02:13I want to be God, for the sole purpose of saying, I brought you into this world, don't
00:02:17think for one minute I won't take you out.
00:02:24I want the original promise.
00:02:28I want justice for all.
00:02:32I want love, hate, ups and downs, and everything in between, for nothing in return.
00:02:45I want the world in my palm.
00:02:48No cooler than 60 degrees, no warmer than 75, and never a cloud in the sky.
00:02:58I want the perfect kiss, the perfect imperfection, the perfect life.
00:03:09But more than anything, I want someone who wants what I want.
00:03:15And I want her to walk through that door right over there, and order biscuits and gravy.
00:03:28Hi.
00:03:29Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:31I bet your kids are adorable.
00:03:35Oh, it's okay, I already know what I want.
00:03:38Okay.
00:03:39I'll have the biscuits and gravy, please.
00:03:42Same.
00:03:43Okay, two biscuits and gravy, anything to drink?
00:03:45Coffee's fine.
00:03:46Alright.
00:03:47Thanks.
00:03:49I'm Brian.
00:03:50Bella.
00:03:51Nice to meet you, Bella.
00:03:53She blew into my life like a storm, uprooting everything I knew to be true, and filling
00:03:59it with so much more.
00:04:02She became everything I never knew I wanted, in a single glance, in a moment, in a straight
00:04:10conversation.
00:04:12And that slight smile that started with the curling of her toes and ended at the corner
00:04:16of her lips, just before she burst into laughter, she became it.
00:04:25She became perfection.
00:04:32Cool.
00:04:33So.
00:04:34So.
00:04:35Morrissey or The Cure?
00:04:37Uh, The Cure, yeah.
00:04:39Beatles or Stones?
00:04:40The Stones.
00:04:41King of Pop or King of Rock?
00:04:43King of Rock, definitely.
00:04:46Well, Elvis is always fascinating.
00:04:48How so?
00:04:50Well, here's this normal guy that accidentally got famous.
00:04:53I mean, he wrote a song that was for his dad, or his uncle, or something like that, for
00:04:58their birthday.
00:04:59And the next thing you know, he's a teen idol.
00:05:02Watching his life is like watching a tree grow.
00:05:06It gets bigger and bigger.
00:05:08And then he ends up swollen and yellow.
00:05:14It's like he was on a satellite somewhere in outer space, watching himself.
00:05:20And that's what it did to him.
00:05:22Are you saying that Elvis was an alien?
00:05:25Hello, darling.
00:05:27This is Elvis from the planet of Graceland.
00:05:29I just want to thank you for coming out on a date with me this evening.
00:05:34You know what I like about you?
00:05:36What's that?
00:05:37You're full of shits.
00:05:39I think I just got a little on my shirt.
00:05:42Oh, I apologize.
00:05:43Thank you.
00:05:44Sorry about that.
00:05:45You better be.
00:05:47To Elvis.
00:05:49To Elvis.
00:05:51Elvis, yellow and swollen.
00:05:55How could I have known even then, in a moment of such happiness, the longitude
00:06:00and latitude of my fall from Graceland?
00:06:05Hours went by.
00:06:07Day turns to night, night to day.
00:06:10Small talk turns to talk of dreams and aspirations.
00:06:15First date eyes become the eyes that you take for granted.
00:06:19I hang on every word she says.
00:06:22And those hours that became days become weeks.
00:06:26And we were married on a Saturday.
00:06:30And those weeks became months.
00:06:33And Cole, our first daughter, was born as sweet as sugar.
00:06:38And those months became a year.
00:06:40And that year became four years.
00:06:42And Sarah, our second daughter, was born.
00:06:45Born sick.
00:06:47And that sickness drove Bella into darkness.
00:06:50And she began to wither and die.
00:06:54And me.
00:06:56I became Elvis.
00:06:59Yellow and swollen.
00:07:01Watching my life unfold from a satellite somewhere in space.
00:07:07Counting the rings of my tree.
00:07:10And forever.
00:07:11Counting the rings of my tree.
00:07:14And forever wondering how this
00:07:17perfect life came to be.
00:07:41I'll be right there, honey.
00:08:11Ooh!
00:08:17Whoa!
00:08:23Yay!
00:08:25Well, I think you got dog poo in your hair.
00:08:28Did I?
00:08:29Yeah!
00:08:31Yuck! Where did you get the dog poo in your hair?
00:08:35Here, I think we need to wash it out.
00:08:38Okay, then let's wash it out.
00:08:42Alright, here we go.
00:08:44Here, turn over.
00:08:46Lean back.
00:08:48Lean back. There we go.
00:08:49No, you want to lean back.
00:08:51No, the other way.
00:08:52Because if you lean back, then I won't be able to dress.
00:08:54Hold my hands.
00:08:55Hold her hands.
00:08:56Lean back.
00:08:57There we go.
00:08:58Oh, that feels good, right?
00:08:59There we go.
00:09:01Yay, good girl!
00:09:05There it is.
00:09:07Oh, yes!
00:09:09Standing on the shoulders of children.
00:09:12Innocent eyes that gaze upon the world with wondrous excitement.
00:09:17You will probably never know me.
00:09:20You will probably not remember me.
00:09:23But someday, when you're older,
00:09:25your mother will show you a photograph
00:09:28and tell you my story.
00:09:30A story filled with self-abandon and regret.
00:09:34Regret that I will not be there for your report cards.
00:09:39For proms.
00:09:41For graduations.
00:09:43To give you both away at your weddings.
00:09:47I always wanted to be the one to teach you to drive.
00:09:51To navigate life with that same beautiful innocence that fills your youthful spirit today.
00:09:57To hope.
00:09:59To strive.
00:10:01To dream.
00:10:04But you are only three feet tall
00:10:06and already bigger than me.
00:10:26Good morning.
00:10:27Time to get up.
00:10:29My water broke, Brian.
00:10:31Huh?
00:10:32Brian!
00:10:33I just thought I was having a wet dream.
00:10:35Oh, funny.
00:10:37Come on, get up.
00:10:38Who?
00:10:39Hello?
00:10:40Oh, really?
00:10:41I can't reach you.
00:10:42Come on.
00:10:43I'll get up.
00:10:44Feel this thing.
00:10:45It's coming out.
00:10:46It's coming out.
00:10:47Please.
00:10:48All right.
00:10:49I'm just trying to keep you from panicking.
00:10:50All right.
00:10:52All right.
00:10:54Yeah, take your time.
00:10:55Well, I'm trying.
00:10:56Look, I can't go to the hospital naked.
00:10:57Why not?
00:10:59That would be awkward.
00:11:00Okay.
00:11:02All right.
00:11:03Which hospital are we going to?
00:11:04You don't know which hospital we're going to?
00:11:06Yes, I know which hospital.
00:11:09Which hospital are we going to?
00:11:10I don't know.
00:11:11Let's go.
00:11:12I got it.
00:11:14Okay.
00:11:15Okay.
00:11:16Okay.
00:11:17Calm down.
00:11:18Okay.
00:11:19Calm down.
00:11:20What are you doing?
00:11:22Oh.
00:11:24Watch the hose.
00:11:25Got it.
00:11:26Something with more water than you.
00:11:27Oh, come on.
00:11:29Reese's, you stay right there.
00:11:31And...
00:11:32Okay.
00:11:33Okay.
00:11:35Let's get this.
00:11:36Thank you.
00:11:37Okay.
00:11:38Oh.
00:11:39All right.
00:11:40Why is it a damn car?
00:11:41Oh, God.
00:11:42We're going to have to detail the car after this.
00:11:44Okay.
00:11:45What are you doing?
00:11:48Okay.
00:11:49You ready?
00:11:50Oh, baby.
00:11:51I'm ready.
00:11:52Are you ready?
00:11:53You seem a little frazzled.
00:11:54Yes.
00:11:55I'm frazzled, yes.
00:11:56Just breathe.
00:11:58Okay.
00:11:59Maybe...
00:12:01Cole should drive.
00:12:02Cole should drive.
00:12:04Cole!
00:12:32Shh.
00:12:33It's okay.
00:12:34It's okay.
00:12:35I'm going to go for a walk.
00:13:03Hello?
00:13:05Are you busy?
00:13:07Brian, are you okay?
00:13:09I just needed to talk to someone.
00:13:12I'll wait up.
00:13:14Thank you.
00:13:21Time.
00:13:23Maybe we should go.
00:13:25I'm going to go.
00:13:26I'm going to go.
00:13:27I'm going to go.
00:13:28I'm going to go.
00:13:29I'm going to go.
00:13:30I'm going to go.
00:13:32It moves so slowly when you have nothing to do but think.
00:13:36To remember the beginning.
00:13:39To dwell on the end.
00:13:41And to be haunted by everything in between.
00:13:45To be haunted by that word.
00:13:48That undefinable word.
00:13:51As undefinable as God.
00:13:54Yet a word I thought I knew intimately.
00:13:57Perfection.
00:13:59The perfect wife.
00:14:01The perfect children.
00:14:03The house.
00:14:04The dog.
00:14:05The job.
00:14:06The two car garage.
00:14:07The diapers.
00:14:08The joint bank account.
00:14:10Piano recitals.
00:14:12Tap shoes.
00:14:14The American dream.
00:14:16An idea that became an ideal.
00:14:20It's Friday.
00:14:23Is it recycling or yard waste today?
00:14:28I'm going to go.
00:14:29I'm going to go.
00:14:30I'm going to go.
00:14:31I'm going to go.
00:14:32I'm going to go.
00:14:33I'm going to go.
00:14:34I'm going to go.
00:14:35I'm going to go.
00:14:36I'm going to go.
00:14:37I'm going to go.
00:14:38I'm going to go.
00:14:39I'm going to go.
00:14:40I'm going to go.
00:14:41I'm going to go.
00:14:42I'm going to go.
00:14:43I'm going to go.
00:14:44I'm going to go.
00:14:45I'm going to go.
00:14:46I'm going to go.
00:14:47I'm going to go.
00:14:48I'm going to go.
00:14:49I'm going to go.
00:14:50I'm going to go.
00:14:51I'm going to go.
00:14:52I'm going to go.
00:14:53I'm going to go.
00:14:54I'm going to go.
00:14:56I'm going to go.
00:14:57I'm going to go.
00:14:58I'm going to go.
00:15:14Have you ever stood naked?
00:15:16Alone?
00:15:18And out of reach?
00:15:25The way Sarah cries, I can't help her.
00:15:39And the way Bella cries, she doesn't want me to help her.
00:15:44I just want...
00:15:45I know.
00:15:48Well, I don't.
00:15:53Once upon a time, maybe, but not anymore.
00:15:57You want too much.
00:15:58No, I don't.
00:15:59I just want...
00:16:00Your list is too long, and I'm too tired.
00:16:01But I only want it to be perfect.
00:16:02Well, it's not.
00:16:03You never would have started fucking me.
00:16:04Do you have any idea what it's like to want something that you can't have?
00:16:29What do you want?
00:16:33I want you.
00:16:35And you want her.
00:16:37But you don't want her.
00:16:40You want the idea of her, and what you don't understand, Brian, is that you've idealized
00:16:45your life away.
00:16:46But I want you.
00:16:49I don't know what you want, but you don't want me.
00:16:54I'm just another part of the ideal, and I'm not perfect.
00:16:59But you're perfect to me.
00:17:04Don't want kids.
00:17:06I'm a cat person.
00:17:08I need time alone more than that.
00:17:10I need time with people.
00:17:13But I already know all of this.
00:17:15And I love you for you.
00:17:18How can you love me when she gives you everything?
00:17:23Everything I want, but nothing I need.
00:17:27This.
00:17:29Right here, right now, this is what I need.
00:17:41I need her to hold me like she used to.
00:17:46To hold me so close like we're the same person.
00:17:50Like this.
00:17:52Like what we have.
00:17:57Here.
00:18:02We have a dance and a photograph.
00:18:12Kim was right.
00:18:14She had become the band-aid for a wound that would not heal.
00:18:19And no matter how much of her I stripped away,
00:18:22she would never fit into the mold Bella had created.
00:18:25I was afraid being more alone with you.
00:18:29Without you.
00:18:46She was right about a lot of things.
00:18:49One day you wake up and you realize that everything you ever wanted
00:18:54turned out to be nothing you ever wanted at all.
00:18:58And even the big things become as trivial as watermelon.
00:19:13Sarah finally fell asleep.
00:19:15I swear this colic is going to kill me.
00:19:25You smell like cigarettes.
00:19:28And watermelon.
00:19:55Morning sunshine.
00:19:57Hey beautiful.
00:19:59Hi.
00:20:04Are you doing anything for lunch today?
00:20:07No.
00:20:08Did you want to do something?
00:20:10I was thinking about stopping by.
00:20:13I'd like that.
00:20:25Hmm.
00:20:32What time did you come in last night?
00:20:36What's that honey?
00:20:38What time did you come in last night?
00:20:41I don't know. I didn't really look at the clock.
00:20:44I didn't even hear you come in.
00:20:46Really?
00:20:48Well, I gave you a kiss goodnight.
00:20:51You rolled over. I thought I woke you up.
00:20:54No.
00:20:58You know, one of these days I'm going to get a call from Canada.
00:21:02You're going to be missing a sock.
00:21:04You're going to have a new tattoo of a heart and some sailor's name on your ass.
00:21:08And you're going to say,
00:21:10I don't know where I was, but I woke up in a car that wasn't mine
00:21:14with some large man in a unitard offering me a sip of bourbon.
00:21:18Mmm.
00:21:21Here's your other sock, sailor.
00:21:35You're so sexy when you have your drafty face on.
00:21:38Hey beautiful.
00:21:39Hi.
00:21:40Want to go get some lunch or something?
00:21:42Yeah, I was thinking we could go down to the waterfront.
00:21:45But first I need to use the restroom.
00:21:47Yeah, just at the end of the hall to the left.
00:21:50Well, aren't you forgetting something?
00:21:52What would that be?
00:21:54Do I have to ask?
00:22:05Hi.
00:22:06Hi.
00:22:08You look good.
00:22:09Oh, thanks.
00:22:10How are you?
00:22:11I'm good. I just stopped by for lunch.
00:22:13I think we're going to go to the waterfront.
00:22:15Did you want to come?
00:22:16No, I can't. Thanks though. I've already got plans.
00:22:18That's too bad. We don't hang out enough.
00:22:20I know. We should see each other more often.
00:22:23Oh, that's pretty. What is it?
00:22:25Thanks. I think it's called posh, but it tastes like watermelon.
00:22:32I like it.
00:22:35So how have you been?
00:22:37Good. You know, kids and stuff.
00:22:41Yeah, we've got some clients like that.
00:22:44Well, it's good to see you.
00:22:47I've got to get back to work.
00:22:48Yeah, good to see you too.
00:23:15You haven't touched your food.
00:23:27I'm not as hungry as I thought I was.
00:23:38I think we have a set.
00:23:40Uh-huh.
00:23:42Uh-huh.
00:23:44Uh-huh.
00:23:48Oh, she does, doesn't she?
00:23:51Yeah.
00:23:57Bella? Bella? Are you okay?
00:24:00Yeah.
00:24:01Bella?
00:24:03If you want to talk.
00:24:04Mom, I'm fine. I'm fine. Fine. It's okay. I just...
00:24:08Right out here if you need anything.
00:24:10Okay, fine.
00:24:11Yeah.
00:24:39Shut up.
00:24:41Oh, God.
00:24:46Everything's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay.
00:25:07Hey, little angels. How are you doing?
00:25:10What are you doing? Putting on a show?
00:25:14Hi.
00:25:16Is Mommy cooking? Something smells good.
00:25:20Cooking, baby.
00:25:26Something smells good.
00:25:34How was work?
00:25:35I told my new clients it felt real correct, though, and that was good.
00:25:38It was nice to see you today for lunch. You should do that more often.
00:25:41Yeah.
00:25:43I'll let you go.
00:25:45Come on.
00:26:06She knew.
00:26:09Nothing more need be said. She knew.
00:26:13And the thought came to her as quickly as a bullet.
00:26:17A bullet expelled from a gun that I had cleaned, oiled, aimed, and fired.
00:26:26Dearest Bella, I miss you.
00:26:30I miss you.
00:27:00Oh, my God.
00:27:10Oh, my God.
00:27:11Bella.
00:27:12Bella.
00:27:13Bella, what the fuck?
00:27:15Oh, my God.
00:27:16Bella.
00:27:17Jesus Christ.
00:27:20Fuck.
00:27:24Oh, my God.
00:27:25Oh, my God.
00:27:27Oh, my God.
00:27:28Oh, God.
00:27:30Oh, my God.
00:27:32My wife just cut her wrist. I need an ambulance at 612 Forest Street.
00:27:37Sir, I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me?
00:27:40Yeah.
00:27:41The ambulance is on its way. I need to know, sir, if she's still breathing.
00:27:48Yeah.
00:27:51I need you to stop the bleeding. What is your name, sir?
00:27:54Brian.
00:27:55Brian?
00:27:56Brian, I need you to apply pressure above the laceration and lift her up above the level of her heart. Can you do that for me?
00:28:03Yeah, but do I have to put the phone down?
00:28:05That's okay, Brian. Put the phone down.
00:28:07Oh, God.
00:28:08Don't hang up.
00:28:09Oh, God.
00:28:10Don't hang up.
00:28:11Oh, God.
00:28:12Oh, God.
00:28:26Oh, my God.
00:28:30Oh, my God.
00:28:56Oh, my God.
00:28:57Thank you for calling Jennings Architecture, it is currently after hours but if you have
00:29:19an emergency, you may contact a representative at 555-4868, or stay on the line at 555-4868.
00:29:26Hey John, this is Brian. I'm having a family emergency so I'm just calling to let you know
00:29:40I won't be to work for a couple days so I'll probably see you next Monday. Bye.
00:29:56Bella died for 48 seconds. I have been dying ever since. As her heart slowed and stopped,
00:30:27I realized at that very moment something I should have always known. She loved me more
00:30:35than she loved herself.
00:30:56She loved me more than I loved myself.
00:31:27I remember when I met your mother. She was beautiful. It's not that she's not beautiful,
00:31:42she's gorgeous. It's just, I'm used to her. I don't even know why I did it. It was stupid.
00:31:56It's not commitment that I have a problem with, it's contentment. It's like no matter
00:32:09how good I have it, it's never good enough. It's no one's fault. I'm just fucked up.
00:32:26I'm just fucked up.
00:32:48Harborview Medical Center. Yeah, this is Brian Sanders. I'm calling to see how my wife's doing.
00:32:55What is your name please? Bella Sanders. Your wife is in stable condition. She should be
00:33:16released sometime this evening or tomorrow morning. Okay, thank you.
00:33:25She's sleeping, Brian. Okay, thank you.
00:33:55She doesn't want to talk yet, Brian. I just want to make sure she's okay. I think it's
00:34:02going to be a long time before she's okay.
00:34:33Hello? Hi, Gary. Is Bella there?
00:34:53We'll call you when she's ready.
00:35:02Okay.
00:35:04Brian, she's just not ready yet.
00:35:09Can I please see the girls?
00:35:14No, you can't see the girls.
00:35:19Okay.
00:35:22Brian, she's just not ready yet.
00:35:29Can I please see the girls?
00:35:34Hold on. What time do you get off tomorrow?
00:35:41Whenever you want.
00:35:43Meet me at Owens Beach around one.
00:35:47Thank you. Thank you so much.
00:35:50I'll see you tomorrow.
00:35:53You want to see me call tomorrow?
00:35:57Alright.
00:36:09Hi.
00:36:12Oh.
00:36:14There you go. Hey.
00:36:18Hi.
00:36:20There you go.
00:36:23There you go. There's Teddy.
00:36:25There she is. Hi.
00:36:27Oh, look who's here to see you.
00:36:29Oh, I know.
00:36:30Here, come on.
00:36:32Here, who's excited?
00:36:34Okay.
00:36:35Pick this up.
00:36:38You're like a magician.
00:36:40Okay, you ready?
00:36:41I'll trade you.
00:36:42Okay.
00:36:44There she is.
00:36:46She's gorgeous.
00:36:48Come on. Come on.
00:36:50Hey.
00:36:53Hold on here.
00:36:57It's good to see you guys.
00:36:59Yeah.
00:37:03How have you been, huh?
00:37:05Oh, she's good.
00:37:07How has she been?
00:37:08Oh.
00:37:11Always doing interesting things.
00:37:13Oh, yeah.
00:37:15Come on.
00:37:17There you go.
00:37:19Yeah.
00:37:23Oh.
00:37:27Ready?
00:37:38There she is. Come on.
00:37:41Let's get out and see the day, huh?
00:37:44There you go.
00:37:46Hi.
00:37:48There you are, gorgeous.
00:38:02Thank you so much for bringing the family.
00:38:04It's just the right thing to do.
00:38:08So how are you doing?
00:38:10I just want to know if she's okay.
00:38:12She's really hurt, Brian, and I don't think she's going to forgive you.
00:38:17I can't even forgive myself.
00:38:19I know you love her and she loves you. You just made a mistake.
00:38:23She doesn't understand that you understand what you've done.
00:38:27She only knows she's hurting because of you.
00:38:35This is either going to drive you farther apart or bring you closer together, but it's not your choice.
00:38:42It's her choice now.
00:38:44I know.
00:38:46You just have to give her time to decide.
00:38:49It's just hard not being able to see her or talk to her.
00:39:03Thanks for coming out today.
00:39:07It's the right thing to do.
00:39:29My mother has the gift of Catholic guilt and my dad's going to kick your ass if you keep calling.
00:39:34So how are you doing?
00:39:37If I see a therapist three times a week, the state won't take the kids.
00:39:41How are you?
00:39:42Well, it's over.
00:39:44I told her we're done.
00:39:45It's too late for that, Brian.
00:39:47I know I messed up and I can't go back.
00:39:52But I'm sorry.
00:39:54I'm so sorry.
00:39:57How could you do this to me?
00:40:00How?
00:40:01When I love you so much.
00:40:04I don't know.
00:40:06I love you so much, Brian.
00:40:16I love you.
00:40:25I don't want a divorce.
00:40:26Bella.
00:40:27I don't want to talk about it.
00:40:29I want a divorce and I want the kids and the house and car.
00:40:36And you can give me the dog, okay?
00:40:40Take whatever you want.
00:40:43Could you be out by Friday?
00:40:45If we don't come home soon, Cole's going to know something's wrong.
00:40:48Well, where are you going to tell her when you come home and I'm not here?
00:40:52I'm going to tell her the truth.
00:40:56Okay, she should know.
00:41:04I have to go.
00:41:07Take care of yourself, Brian.
00:41:09Yeah.
00:41:11I love you.
00:41:19Okay.
00:41:21I guess this is it for a while.
00:41:52Bye.
00:42:14Hello.
00:42:15Hi.
00:42:16Where's Kim?
00:42:17I've only been here for a week.
00:42:18I don't think I've met her yet.
00:42:21Oh, Mr. Jennings, why don't you just stop by his office and we'll cut in.
00:42:24All right.
00:42:25Thank you.
00:42:30I've known you for a long time and I've never seen you like this.
00:42:36I'm sorry, John.
00:42:37I'm just having problems at home.
00:42:39You've missed 43 days in the past three months.
00:42:44And when you do show up, you smell like alcohol.
00:42:49My wife and I are...
00:42:52I don't even know what we are.
00:42:53Which is why it hurts me to do this, but you're really not leaving me any choice.
00:42:59I understand.
00:43:02I wish you the best.
00:43:03I really do.
00:43:06Thanks.
00:43:20What I didn't give away, I threw away.
00:43:26I threw it all away.
00:43:29As easily as one throws away the wrapping on a birthday present.
00:43:33I've always been too selfish to understand that it's the wrapping that makes it special.
00:43:39You're fired, he said, in so many words.
00:43:43You're fired from life.
00:43:47For you have failed everyone who has ever loved you.
00:43:51You have failed yourself.
00:43:54And no amount of sorry will make this better.
00:43:57No amount of forgiveness will make me worthy.
00:44:01I deserve the hurt I have caused.
00:44:04And in the end, the last thing I want is to feel better.
00:44:09I love you.
00:44:15I love you.
00:44:37Security.
00:44:48Excuse me, sir.
00:44:51We've had a few noise complaints.
00:44:53I had to top it off.
00:44:54Your credit card has been declined.
00:44:57So we need to get your stuff out right now.
00:45:00Do you have a jacket you want to bring?
00:45:03Is this your jacket?
00:45:05Is this the one?
00:45:07Yeah.
00:45:08Why don't you put that on?
00:45:10All right, we've got to grab your stuff.
00:45:12What do you want to bring with you?
00:45:18There.
00:45:20Hold on to that.
00:45:22Hold on.
00:45:24Just...
00:45:26I don't know.
00:45:27Is that all you need?
00:45:28All right.
00:45:29All right, we're going to go.
00:46:00I'm sorry.
00:46:02I'm sorry.
00:46:04I'm sorry.
00:46:06I'm sorry.
00:46:08I'm sorry.
00:46:10I'm sorry.
00:46:12I'm sorry.
00:46:14I'm sorry.
00:46:16I'm sorry.
00:46:18I'm sorry.
00:46:20I'm sorry.
00:46:22I'm sorry.
00:46:24I'm sorry.
00:46:26I'm sorry.
00:46:28I'm sorry.
00:46:30I'm sorry.
00:46:32I'm sorry.
00:46:34I'm sorry.
00:46:36I'm sorry.
00:46:38I'm sorry.
00:46:40I'm sorry.
00:46:42I'm sorry.
00:46:44I'm sorry.
00:46:46I'm sorry.
00:46:52Party just moved to a new venue, that's all.
00:46:56You know what, I love you Reece, you know what else, you're too good for this, you wanna
00:47:18go home? Come on, off like a herd of turtles, come on. I can't believe I let you talk me
00:47:36into this. Well, I know you've heard this story a million times, but if I don't keep
00:47:49talking, I can't keep walking. So, a million and one, what do you have to say about that
00:47:58story, huh? Huh? That's what I thought. Anyway, we drove all day to get to where you were
00:48:11born. Have you ever seen your mother drive? She's beautiful, she's so serious. I always
00:48:23felt like I was on a mission to make her laugh. I like that feeling of trying to impress
00:48:29somebody. She made me feel that way all the time. And when she smiled, I swear there was
00:48:40heaven on her lips. But don't get any ideas. You're too young to start dating there, mister.
00:48:50You're too young for that. Anyway, we get to the farm way out in the boonies, and I swear the
00:49:03place was odd. It was like a circus. There was kids on unicycles, goats with eight horns, I think
00:49:17there was even a cat with wings. Bet you liked to play with that, chase that around the yard all
00:49:26day, huh? Oh, and your mother, she had the best sense of style. She wore dresses from the 50s,
00:49:39and little things in her hair. She reminded me of Marilyn Monroe before, well, she was Marilyn
00:49:54Monroe. I think it was the way the wind whipped up her dress. It didn't matter where we went,
00:50:09or what we did. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She glowed even when she slept. Have you ever seen
00:50:25the Lion King? Yeah, I have about 75 times. I have kids. Remember? Remember when James Earl Jones
00:50:38is holding up Simba? Well, that's how it was when I met you. Only, you weren't Simba. You,
00:50:57you were like a peanut butter cup. A fat, chunky little peanut butter cup. That's how you got your
00:51:18name. Let's just do this tomorrow, buddy, okay? One more time.
00:53:18Oh, I missed you.
00:53:48Oh, I missed you too.
00:54:18Oh, I missed you too.
00:54:48Oh, I missed you too.
00:55:18Oh, I missed you too.
00:55:40Fucking kids. Hey, fuck off. Hey, hey, what's your problem? I don't have a problem. You walk
00:55:54through here every day, where do you go? I don't know. I guess I'm not going anywhere. Quit being
00:55:59a pathetic fuck and say hi every once in a while, huh? Well, you gonna sit down? It ain't fucking
00:56:06church. Now, piece of shit, Paul, I'm Terry. This is my friend, Vodka. Who the fuck are you?
00:56:14Brian. Hey, hey, waitress, can I get a napkin for my friend here? My child, Ross, and your stagnant
00:56:25cunt. I gotta go. Where the fuck are you gonna go? You got a job interview or something?
00:56:35Oh, gonna be a big-shot dental assistant? Yeah, fuck you, you drunk.
00:57:35The taste of used food subsides as the flickering streetlights create a rhythmic dance of muted
00:57:59shadows. I stuff my coat with newspapers I will never read. The first night was cold,
00:58:07so is the second, and every night that followed. Memories will never keep you warm at night,
00:58:16but they will keep you up, even the good ones. Have you ever held someone so close that you
00:58:26forget which one you are? That you think it's your fingers moving that's them? That they finish
00:58:36your lips? I think it's your lips that make my heart beat. Hey, so did you get that job?
00:59:00Jesus Christ, watching you is like watching some pathetic fucking dog shit himself,
00:59:07and then wipe his ass all over the ground and smear it in real good. What you need is an aspirin
00:59:14and a shower. Well, are you gonna sit out or what? What is your deal anyway? You ain't supposed
00:59:30to be here. Well, I used to have a wife, kids, a dog, a house. Jesus Christ, you are a dental
00:59:39assistant. Well, I was an architect. An architect? If you were an architect, you'd know how many
00:59:48floors there were between you and the ground. Let me tell you something, you piece of shit. I used
00:59:56to be a dental hygienist. Being a dental hygienist is a lot like being a shrink, only most of my
01:00:05clients were numb, kind of like you. Talk to me about being numb. You ever smoke crack? Smoking
01:00:16crack is kind of like waking up Frankenstein's monster. There's a big jolt of electricity, and
01:00:22then he just stumbles around all sad and lonely. So the town folk, they all get together and, you
01:00:28know, get their pitchforks, and they run him out of town, or kill him, or fuck, I forget. Killed it.
01:00:36Killed it, thank you very much. Anyway, my point is this. You walk around here like fucking
01:00:43Frankenstein's monster, and I see. I could tell you ain't supposed to be here. You're a fucking
01:00:49accident. So I look for my pitchfork, but then I realize I'm not a fucking farmer. What do I need
01:00:56a pitchfork for? But by the time I realize that, you're fucking gone. Just do yourself a favor. Go be an
01:01:07architect. Build yourself some big building that you don't want to jump off of, or at least be a
01:01:14good drunk, you fucking piece of shit. Thank you. Yeah, go fuck yourself, Frankie the Park Fly.
01:01:36Jesus, Paul, you're a fucking embarrassment.
01:02:14Do you mind if I sit and watch you paint? No, not at all. This has always reminded me of something from a different life. A couple of months ago, it was wrapped in plastic.
01:02:38Interesting how something so strong can also be so fragile. So are you in school? Third quarter freshman. Well, it's very beautiful. Thank you. Do you paint? I always wanted to. I always told my wife I'd paint her, but I never did. You're married? No, I'm divorced. I'm sorry. It's okay, it's been a while now. How long?
01:03:09Going on three years. This is too bad. It's all right. Where are you from? I must have tourists written all over me. Well, that depends if you ask me to take your picture in front of the Space Needle or not. I'm from Portland. Really? I'm from Salem. Right on.
01:03:32Well, I should probably let you get back to your work. That's okay. You don't have to. Thanks, but I need to start looking for some dinner. But good luck to you. You too.
01:05:02Hi. Hi. How are you? Just trying to get money together for some food. Do you have any spare change? No, I'm sorry, I don't. It's okay. Thanks anyway. Have a good night. You too.
01:05:32So, I don't give the homeless money, but I will help you help yourself. You don't have to do this. No, it's okay. I want to. See, you can paint pictures, and that way you don't have to beg. Can I hug you?
01:05:46What? Oh, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met. I hope you get everything you ever want from life, and that you know what you have when you have it. Thank you. Thank you.
01:06:03Hey. Hey! I'm going to spray-cure the architect. Fuck.
01:06:18You going to come over and join me, or what?
01:06:34What the fuck are you so happy about?
01:06:41Life goes on. It doesn't matter how much you push it, pull it, remember, or forget. It's indifferent. It just goes on.
01:06:55And I think back to the little things, the things that matter most. The laughter. The wet laughter that hurts in the best way. Her lip-lock eyes across a crowded room. Philosophy over coffee.
01:07:16Explaining why the sky is blue to a child who thinks the world of you. So wide-eyed and full of possibilities. Endless possibilities. When the world was made of magic.
01:07:30Of course unicorns are real. As real as princesses. As real as Bigfoot. As real as you and me. Once, when I was your age, I rode one. I rode one, but the horn is very sharp. That's how I got these scars on my chin, you know?
01:08:00Fly. Fly. Fly as I sink.
01:08:30Fly. Fly as I sink.
01:09:00Take a walk with me and let's go find belief. I want to see the stars again with the wonder that I had at the age of ten.
01:09:29So now I'm alone. Once again, I'm on my own. She lost the magic she had for me in her eyes.
01:09:47We no longer share the same skies. No, we don't. Not at all. Not at all.
01:10:03So now I walk alone. Once again, I'm on my own. She lost the magic she had for me. Lost the magic. I'm not complete.
01:10:29In each one of us, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Superman. In each one of us, Jacques Cousteau, to marvel at the earth and the sea below.
01:10:59In each one of us, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Superman. In each one of us, Jacques Cousteau, to marvel at the earth and the sea below.
01:11:29Take a walk with me. Do you remember the first day we met?
01:11:46Let's go find belief. Believe. Believe.
01:12:04I want to see the stars again. Oh, the stars again with the wonder that I had at the age of ten.
01:12:26Oh, the age of ten.
01:12:39The age of ten.
01:12:46The age of ten.
01:12:55So I walk alone. Once again, I'm on my own. She lost the magic she had for me.
01:13:25Winter arrives. We no longer share the sky. Oh, no. Oh, no. Not at all. Not at all.
01:13:53Sometimes I can't help but wonder if maybe we forget each other every time we look away. I see you. Beautiful.
01:14:10In each one of us, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Superman. In each one of us, Jacques Cousteau, to marvel at the earth and the sea below.
01:14:40I just need someone who understands the little boy inside the man. I just need someone who understands part of me lives in a dreamland.
01:15:10I remember. I remember, she thought. But I can't forget. Once you asked me if I had ever stood naked in front of anyone, alone and out of reach.
01:15:40I took off my clothes and backed away from you. You simply asked me my middle name and told me to put my clothes back on.
01:15:50I am standing naked and raw for you now, Bella. Not to beg forgiveness, but to beg that you find happiness.
01:15:59The kind of happiness I could never give you. And if you should see the unrecognizable me on the street, don't look down. Don't look back. And I will grant you the same respect.
01:16:17Ain't you guys got a home to go to?
01:16:19Yeah. I was thinking about maybe getting a wife, shitting out some kids, being an architect.
01:16:27Will you marry me?
01:16:29Shut up, you fucking drunk.
01:16:33Do you ever leave the bench?
01:16:37What, do they decorate you guys at Christmas time?
01:16:40What, do they decorate you guys at Christmas time?
01:16:45Yes? No?
01:16:49Okay, well, I'm going to go get a cup of coffee if you want to join me.
01:16:59Come on, sweetheart. Daddy wants some breakfast.
01:17:04Lupe!
01:17:09Lupe!
01:17:40So, we're back.
01:17:42We're back.
01:17:43And you're back with no one.
01:17:45No, this is all I was made of.
01:17:47And I don't care. I still see some of it.
01:17:51Daddy and I wasn't going to talk.
01:17:53I have more range than what I spoke before.
01:17:56Just piss me off.
01:17:57Whatever.
01:18:10Oh, shit.
01:18:12If there was one thing you could change about your life, what would it be?
01:18:17One thing is all I get?
01:18:20If one is all I get, I don't want to play this game.
01:18:23Pussy.
01:18:26I want to be President of the United States.
01:18:28That's right.
01:18:30That way I can declare a state of anarchy.
01:18:35I want to be a movie star.
01:18:37I want to be a movie star.
01:18:40A big fucking movie star.
01:18:43Live in a big fucking house.
01:18:46Make big fucking movies.
01:18:50I want to be the love child of Sid Vicious and Molly Ringwald.
01:18:58I want to sit up all night in an all-night diner and order nothing.
01:19:03I want to be God.
01:19:04The sole purpose of saying, I brought you into this world, don't think for one minute I won't take you out.
01:19:12I want the original promise.
01:19:15I want justice for all.
01:19:18I want love, hate, ups and downs, and everything in between.
01:19:25For nothing in return.
01:19:29I want the world in my palms.
01:19:33No cooler than 60 degrees.
01:19:36No warmer than 75.
01:19:39And never a cloud in the sky.
01:19:43I want the perfect kiss.
01:19:46The perfect imperfection.
01:19:49The perfect life.
01:19:53But more than anything, I want someone who wants what I want.
01:19:58And I want her to walk through that door right over there.
01:20:03And order biscuits and gravy.
01:20:07You're a pathetic fuck.
01:20:11Thanks.
01:20:13Not you, him.
01:20:16Jesus, that was beautiful.
01:20:32I love you.
01:20:34I love you.
01:21:02I love you.
01:21:32I love you.
01:21:33I love you.
01:21:34I love you.
01:21:35I love you.
01:21:36I love you.
01:21:37I love you.
01:21:38I love you.
01:21:39I love you.
01:21:40I love you.
01:21:41I love you.
01:21:42I love you.
01:21:43I love you.
01:21:44I love you.
01:21:45I love you.
01:21:46I love you.
01:21:47I love you.
01:21:48I love you.
01:21:49I love you.
01:21:50I love you.
01:21:51I love you.
01:21:52I love you.
01:21:53I love you.
01:21:54I love you.
01:21:55I love you.
01:21:56I love you.
01:21:57I love you.
01:21:58I love you.
01:21:59I love you.
01:22:00I love you.
01:22:01I love you.
01:22:02I love you.
01:22:03I love you.
01:22:04I love you.
01:22:05I love you.
01:22:06I love you.
01:22:07I love you.
01:22:08I love you.
01:22:09I love you.
01:22:10I love you.
01:22:11I love you.
01:22:12I love you.
01:22:13I love you.
01:22:14I love you.
01:22:15I love you.
01:22:16I love you.
01:22:17I love you.
01:22:18I love you.
01:22:19I love you.
01:22:20I love you.
01:22:21I love you.
01:22:22I love you.
01:22:23I love you.
01:22:24I love you.
01:22:25I love you.
01:22:26I love you.
01:22:27I love you.
01:22:28I love you.
01:22:29I love you.
01:22:30I love you.
01:22:31I love you.
01:22:32I love you.
01:22:33I love you.
01:22:34I love you.
01:22:35I love you.
01:22:36I love you.
01:22:37I love you.
01:22:38I love you.
01:22:39I love you.
01:22:40I love you.
01:22:41I love you.
01:22:42I love you.
01:22:43I love you.
01:22:44I love you.
01:22:45I love you.
01:22:46I love you.
01:22:47I love you.
01:22:48I love you.
01:22:49I love you.
01:22:50I love you.
01:22:51I love you.
01:22:52I love you.
01:22:53I love you.
01:22:54I love you.
01:22:55I love you.
01:22:56I love you.
01:22:57I love you.
01:22:58I love you.
01:22:59I love you.
01:23:00I love you.
01:23:01I love you.
01:23:02I love you.
01:23:03I love you.
01:23:04I love you.
01:23:05I love you.
01:23:06I love you.
01:23:07I love you.
01:23:08I love you.
01:23:09I love you.
01:23:10I love you.
01:23:11I love you.
01:23:12I love you.
01:23:13I love you.
01:23:14I love you.
01:23:15I love you.
01:23:16I love you.
01:23:17I love you.
01:23:18I love you.
01:23:19I love you.
01:23:20I love you.
01:23:21I love you.
01:23:22I love you.
01:23:23I love you.
01:23:24I love you.
01:23:25I love you.
01:23:26I love you.
01:23:27I love you.
01:23:28I love you.
01:23:29I love you.
01:23:30I love you.
01:23:31I love you.
01:23:32I love you.
01:23:33I love you.
01:23:34I love you.
01:23:35I love you.
01:23:36I love you.
01:23:37I love you.
01:23:38I love you.
01:23:39I love you.
01:23:40I love you.
01:23:41I love you.
01:23:42I love you.
01:23:43I love you.
01:23:44I love you.
01:23:45I love you.
01:23:46I love you.
01:23:47I love you.
01:23:48I love you.
01:23:49I love you.
01:23:50I love you.
01:23:51I love you.
01:23:52I love you.
01:23:53I love you.
01:23:54I love you.
01:23:55I love you.
01:23:56I love you.
01:23:57I love you.
01:23:58I love you.
01:23:59I love you.
01:24:00I love you.
01:24:01I love you.
01:24:02I love you.
01:24:03I love you.
01:24:04I love you.
01:24:05I love you.
01:24:06I love you.
01:24:07I love you.
01:24:08I love you.
01:24:09I love you.
01:24:10I love you.
01:24:11I love you.
01:24:12I love you.
01:24:13I love you.
01:24:14I love you.
01:24:15I love you.
01:24:16I love you.
01:24:17I love you.
01:24:18I love you.
01:24:19I love you.
01:24:20I love you.
01:24:21I love you.
01:24:22I love you.
01:24:23I love you.
01:24:24I love you.
01:24:25I love you.
01:24:26I love you.
01:24:27I love you.
01:24:28I love you.
01:24:29I love you.
01:24:30I love you.
01:24:31I love you.
01:24:32I love you.
01:24:33I love you.
01:24:34I love you.
01:24:35I love you.
01:24:36I love you.
01:24:37I love you.
01:24:38I love you.
01:24:39I love you.
01:24:40I love you.
01:24:41I love you.
01:24:42I love you.
01:24:43I love you.
01:24:44I love you.
01:24:45I love you.
01:24:46I love you.
01:24:47I love you.
01:24:48I love you.
01:24:49I love you.
01:24:50I love you.
01:24:51I love you.
01:24:52I love you.
01:24:53I love you.
01:24:54I love you.
01:24:55I love you.
01:24:56I love you.
01:24:57I love you.
01:24:58I love you.
01:24:59I love you.
01:25:00I love you.
01:25:01I love you.
01:25:02I love you.
01:25:03I love you.
01:25:04I love you.
01:25:05I love you.
01:25:06I love you.
01:25:07I love you.
01:25:08I love you.
01:25:09I love you.
01:25:10I love you.
01:25:11I love you.
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