Good Morning Pakistan | 30 May 2024 | ARY Digital

7 months ago

Good Morning Pakistan | Rishton Mein Dhoka Discussion Based Show | 30 May 2024 | ARY Digital

Guest: Farida Shabbir, Neelam Naz, Alvina

Host: Nida Yasir

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Transcript

00:00:00🎶

00:00:30🎶

00:01:00🎶

00:01:28Assalam-o-Alaikum, good morning, good morning.

00:01:31How is Pakistan?

00:01:32I have dressed up in wedding attire especially today.

00:01:36Why? Because today we have a show

00:01:39which you call a festivity at home.

00:01:42Everyone is ready, so am I.

00:01:45But this is not a wedding show.

00:01:48This is a very important show that I want to show you.

00:01:50We are so particular about everything.

00:01:53We have to get our kids admitted in school.

00:01:55We have to think very carefully,

00:01:58analyze, observe,

00:02:00take feedback from people,

00:02:02how is this school,

00:02:04go through 4-5 rounds,

00:02:06and then decide that the kid has to be admitted in this school, in this area.

00:02:11If we have to work somewhere,

00:02:15we struggle for that only when we know

00:02:17that by doing this job,

00:02:19will we have growth or not,

00:02:21is it good for our future or not.

00:02:22So we are very future conscious.

00:02:24Other than that, leave these big things.

00:02:26Even if we have to order a small suit online,

00:02:30we will check its fabric,

00:02:32we will check its work,

00:02:34we will check its colors.

00:02:36We check everything.

00:02:37If we are spending money,

00:02:39will we get something as good as it is?

00:02:44So we become very particular.

00:02:47If we are buying a house,

00:02:48while buying a house,

00:02:49while buying a property,

00:02:50we think 10 times

00:02:51whether this property will be beneficial for us,

00:02:54it will be right to live here,

00:02:56or it will be right from an investment point of view.

00:02:58If we buy a car,

00:02:59then 10,000 rupees for a car.

00:03:01The experts in your family,

00:03:03those who have knowledge about cars,

00:03:05they give advice.

00:03:07There are so many things in life,

00:03:09for which we have given so many advices,

00:03:13and sometimes they prove to be very beneficial.

00:03:16But there is a topic,

00:03:19which is called marriage,

00:03:21and we have often heard that

00:03:23whatever they say about marriage,

00:03:25that marriage is a gamble,

00:03:27it is gambling,

00:03:28we don't know what it is,

00:03:29what happens,

00:03:30what comes out.

00:03:31So when it comes to marriage,

00:03:34whether it is a boy or a girl,

00:03:36both the families try their best

00:03:38to get information.

00:03:40If it is an arranged marriage,

00:03:41especially,

00:03:42then it is found out

00:03:44how the boy is,

00:03:45how the boy's family is,

00:03:47how the boy's job is.

00:03:49And this is a tradition

00:03:51that has been going on for a long time.

00:03:53It is asked from the neighborhood,

00:03:55from the office where the boy works,

00:03:57information is taken from there,

00:03:59a relative is found.

00:04:01If you find a bridge in the middle,

00:04:04on which you have trust,

00:04:06and they praise the boy or the girl,

00:04:10then a peace of mind comes in the heart.

00:04:13But whatever you do,

00:04:15this line,

00:04:17that marriage is a gamble,

00:04:19is the right line.

00:04:21Because you don't know

00:04:23the person,

00:04:25the woman or the man

00:04:27with whom you are going to get married,

00:04:29basically,

00:04:30after living with him,

00:04:32you get to know.

00:04:34You know that

00:04:35the person with whom

00:04:37I am going to get married,

00:04:39he can be a puppet of mistakes,

00:04:41he is not an angel,

00:04:42he is a human.

00:04:43And if you join a relationship

00:04:45without much expectations,

00:04:47then you are lucky.

00:04:49Sometimes,

00:04:50someone gets a lottery,

00:04:51in the sense that

00:04:52you get such a partner,

00:04:53such a good life partner,

00:04:55that he upgrades you

00:04:57in your life.

00:04:59And when you win

00:05:01in such a gamble,

00:05:03when you are lucky,

00:05:05then your parents

00:05:06come in so much peace that

00:05:08we have fulfilled

00:05:10our biggest responsibility.

00:05:12I won't just talk about girls,

00:05:14that girls should be lucky.

00:05:16In today's world,

00:05:17boys should also be lucky.

00:05:19Because if a good girl,

00:05:20a good woman comes in your house,

00:05:22and becomes your better half,

00:05:24then your life improves.

00:05:26But if a bad woman,

00:05:27bad in the sense,

00:05:28in any way,

00:05:29her tongue is bad,

00:05:31her heart is bad,

00:05:32she doesn't take care of you,

00:05:34she doesn't save money,

00:05:36there are many other bad things in her.

00:05:38So,

00:05:39that is also your life.

00:05:41If I talk about boys,

00:05:42their life can also be ruined.

00:05:44So today,

00:05:45basically on our show,

00:05:47some people will come,

00:05:49who to make their children's

00:05:51marital life complete,

00:05:53arranged marriages or love marriages,

00:05:55took their support,

00:05:57put people in the middle,

00:05:59marriage bureau, etc.

00:06:01But,

00:06:02what happened to them after that?

00:06:05This Nikah,

00:06:06this marriage,

00:06:07happens so that

00:06:08you get peace in life.

00:06:10But,

00:06:11by arranging marriages,

00:06:13can life also end?

00:06:15The purpose of life,

00:06:18can completely end,

00:06:20you can be traumatized,

00:06:22a lot can happen.

00:06:24So,

00:06:25I guess,

00:06:26this is the biggest risk of life,

00:06:27which you consider very light,

00:06:29and it is presented

00:06:30as a bouquet of flowers,

00:06:32if you get married,

00:06:33it will be like this,

00:06:34like that,

00:06:35like that.

00:06:36I think,

00:06:37you should only get married

00:06:38when you are

00:06:39satisfied,

00:06:40absolutely ready,

00:06:41that you have to fulfill a relationship,

00:06:43and work on it.

00:06:45After a short break,

00:06:46you will see a lot of

00:06:48eye-opener stories,

00:06:50that God forbid,

00:06:51you are going to be in

00:06:52a wrong relationship,

00:06:53so be careful,

00:06:55because this life,

00:06:57does not come again and again.

00:06:59After a short break,

00:07:00stay with us,

00:07:01to watch an important program,

00:07:04because if you are set,

00:07:06some people around you will be like this,

00:07:08who will need your help,

00:07:10and with just a few words,

00:07:13with a little understanding,

00:07:15they can make the right decision.

00:07:17Good morning Pakistan.

00:07:29Welcome,

00:07:30welcome back,

00:07:31good morning Pakistan.

00:07:32Today,

00:07:33the two guests I have with me,

00:07:34one of them is like this,

00:07:36who basically,

00:07:38who has got almost all the relations

00:07:40in his family,

00:07:41and some people have expertise,

00:07:43they know people,

00:07:45and you have seen in many families,

00:07:48that there are certain family members,

00:07:51whom you will tell,

00:07:52that see someone for our son,

00:07:54or if there is someone for our daughter,

00:07:56then tell her.

00:07:57Those family members,

00:07:59they do the same for everyone,

00:08:02that they tell the relations,

00:08:03or get them married.

00:08:04In fact,

00:08:05in my family,

00:08:06my mother was that person,

00:08:07whom people used to call,

00:08:09and my mother got so many people married,

00:08:12and after my mother left,

00:08:13I don't know,

00:08:14everyone started calling me.

00:08:16My younger sister,

00:08:17she does it,

00:08:18as it is said,

00:08:19that she gets everyone's relations,

00:08:22basically to help,

00:08:24not professionally,

00:08:25but when people meet me,

00:08:27they say,

00:08:28see someone for our daughter,

00:08:29or if there is someone for our son,

00:08:31then tell her.

00:08:32So,

00:08:33I must have got one or two marriages,

00:08:35I got my uncle married,

00:08:37I must have got one or two,

00:08:38that too like this,

00:08:39see them, see them,

00:08:40when I was very young,

00:08:41but after that,

00:08:42I don't know,

00:08:43from my face it seems,

00:08:44that I am going to get relations,

00:08:46but anyway,

00:08:47it is good,

00:08:48if I can settle someone's house,

00:08:49then it is fine,

00:08:50but right now,

00:08:51we have a serious topic,

00:08:53on which we are going to talk today,

00:08:54that many people are cheated,

00:08:57no matter how much you investigate,

00:09:00but in the end,

00:09:01you get trapped,

00:09:02whether you are a boy or a girl,

00:09:04and here,

00:09:05we are discussing the same thing,

00:09:07that it is not a small thing,

00:09:09that you get to know,

00:09:10or a year and a half of your life is wasted,

00:09:13some people's lives are wasted,

00:09:16so this is a very important decision,

00:09:18it should be done with a lot of thought,

00:09:20with us today,

00:09:21Farida Shabbir is here,

00:09:23Farida Shabbir is here,

00:09:24because she gets relations,

00:09:26in her family,

00:09:27Assalam-o-Alaikum,

00:09:28how are you?

00:09:29I am absolutely fine,

00:09:30I am absolutely fine,

00:09:31absolutely,

00:09:32you are absolutely right,

00:09:33some personalities are like this,

00:09:35that is why,

00:09:36when people see you,

00:09:37everyone says,

00:09:38it is your program,

00:09:39it is your things,

00:09:40so everyone thinks,

00:09:41but I am worried,

00:09:42like a girl,

00:09:43someone's daughter is not getting married,

00:09:46so I give advice,

00:09:48yes,

00:09:49it is like that,

00:09:50but I am surprised,

00:09:51how people say this,

00:09:53how do they know,

00:09:54it happens,

00:09:55like your mother was,

00:09:56like my mother was,

00:09:58so inside someone,

00:09:59it happens that,

00:10:00see this,

00:10:01see this for this,

00:10:02do this,

00:10:03all these things,

00:10:04yes,

00:10:05giving advice,

00:10:06and pointing out,

00:10:07which sometimes,

00:10:08someone doesn't remember,

00:10:09this pair will look good,

00:10:10this pair,

00:10:11okay,

00:10:12with us,

00:10:13because we have to discuss,

00:10:14that we have to,

00:10:15those children,

00:10:16those boys and girls,

00:10:17who are going through this trauma,

00:10:18how to get them out,

00:10:19or what impact does it have on them,

00:10:22sometimes,

00:10:23even we parents,

00:10:24become like this,

00:10:25that no,

00:10:26we have given our consent,

00:10:27to our children,

00:10:28and sometimes,

00:10:29even in arranged marriages,

00:10:30it can go wrong,

00:10:31so to discuss all these things,

00:10:32Neelam is with us,

00:10:33Neelam Naaz,

00:10:34who is a psychologist,

00:10:35so it is obvious,

00:10:36she must have different cases,

00:10:37and she has experience,

00:10:38about this,

00:10:39that after this broken relationship,

00:10:40or after going through this bad relationship,

00:10:41what is left of a person's personality,

00:10:42Assalamualaikum Neelam,

00:10:43Walikumassalam,

00:10:44how are you?

00:10:45Thank you Nida,

00:10:46for calling me,

00:10:47this is such an important topic,

00:10:48very important topic,

00:10:49and nowadays,

00:10:50like in every country,

00:10:51in every country,

00:10:52there is a lot of,

00:10:53there is a lot of,

00:10:54there is a lot of,

00:10:55it is a very important topic,

00:10:56and nowadays,

00:10:57the situation is like,

00:10:58we are seeing,

00:10:59as we used to hear earlier,

00:11:01that someone got divorced,

00:11:03suddenly,

00:11:04sometime,

00:11:05sometime in listening,

00:11:06but as time goes by,

00:11:07we are hearing it very commonly,

00:11:08in a passion,

00:11:09someone got divorced in 6 months,

00:11:11someone got divorced in 2 months,

00:11:12someone got divorced in a year,

00:11:13so it is very easy to say that the divorce happened,

00:11:14but it has a lot of meaning,

00:11:15it affects your personality,

00:11:16affects your life,

00:11:17it affects the people around you,

00:11:18after all,

00:11:19the person who is around you,

00:11:20is not your own,

00:11:21he is not your own,

00:11:22he is not your own,

00:11:23he is someone else's,

00:11:24So how do you overcome this? How do you protect yourself from this?

00:11:28A lot of parents get old very quickly.

00:11:32They get stressed.

00:11:34If they are stressed about their children,

00:11:36I have seen it with my own eyes.

00:11:38A mother who was walking with bones,

00:11:40due to her daughter, she had an attack of paralysis and fell on the bed.

00:11:44And then she stayed on the bed till her last breath.

00:11:46It is said that the child is in grief.

00:11:50He has forgotten his parents.

00:11:52Children do bear it.

00:11:54Their lives happen.

00:11:56But the people around you, the parents,

00:11:58and the people who are connected to you,

00:12:00brothers, sisters,

00:12:02all these people also suffer.

00:12:04And if there are children,

00:12:06they suffer the most.

00:12:08Suffer the most.

00:12:10So I am going to start.

00:12:12I have the ayat on the other side of the screen.

00:12:16A lot of girls don't want to show their faces.

00:12:18And I don't want to force them either.

00:12:20But we want to know their story

00:12:22because because of their story,

00:12:24I don't know how many more girls' homes will be saved.

00:12:28Or their lives will be saved.

00:12:30So one story will come here

00:12:32and save a hundred homes.

00:12:34So basically this program is for that purpose.

00:12:36If you want to be serious and see,

00:12:38understand,

00:12:40if you can see anything like this around you,

00:12:42then please inform.

00:12:44Even if it happens sometimes,

00:12:46your daughter's marriage is coming,

00:12:48and someone from outside

00:12:50comes and tells you that

00:12:52these people don't seem right.

00:12:54Relatives go against them.

00:12:56How did you say this?

00:12:58You are jealous, you are jealous.

00:13:00Our daughter is getting married.

00:13:02Sometimes they do this.

00:13:04So someone should mind

00:13:06or say anything.

00:13:08If you are sincere with them,

00:13:10then you will tell them the right thing.

00:13:12You will not hide.

00:13:14I mean, you are better than a lot of things.

00:13:16Yes, of course.

00:13:18Ayat, would you like to tell us

00:13:20what was the betrayal with you?

00:13:22Assalamualaikum.

00:13:24Walaikumassalam.

00:13:26My story started like this.

00:13:28When I was 19 years old,

00:13:30I got married.

00:13:32I lived with my aunt.

00:13:34So it was her responsibility to get me married.

00:13:36So my relationship happened like this.

00:13:38Her neighbor told me

00:13:40about a relationship.

00:13:42And that boy

00:13:44had lived in South Africa for 10 years.

00:13:46So my aunt was very impressed.

00:13:48When she met his family,

00:13:50they were very good people.

00:13:52Anyway, I got married.

00:13:54They got married very soon.

00:13:56They didn't give any time.

00:13:58So when you got married,

00:14:00the boy was still in South Africa?

00:14:02No, he had come from South Africa.

00:14:04He came here for the wedding.

00:14:06And the wedding was also on the basis

00:14:08that he would go back to Africa

00:14:10immediately after the wedding

00:14:12Were your papers ready before the wedding?

00:14:14No, my papers were not ready.

00:14:16He had brought his papers.

00:14:18He had brought his passport.

00:14:20He had a work permit.

00:14:22He had brought it to show that

00:14:24I am telling the truth.

00:14:26I will take the girl with me.

00:14:28Then?

00:14:30I got married very soon.

00:14:32I got married very soon.

00:14:34After 15-20 days,

00:14:36my family started asking

00:14:38when I would go back.

00:14:40Time passed like this.

00:14:42Then I conceived.

00:14:44Then it became a problem

00:14:46for my family as well.

00:14:48Then my aunt found out

00:14:50that this boy doesn't have a job.

00:14:52So when you got married,

00:14:54he didn't go anywhere for a job?

00:14:56No, he didn't go anywhere.

00:14:58He used to stay at home.

00:15:00And when I got married,

00:15:02for a few days, my mother-in-law

00:15:04and my sister-in-law lived very well.

00:15:06It was a very big family.

00:15:08I didn't have a habit

00:15:10of working.

00:15:12But after 15-20 days,

00:15:14they started asking me

00:15:16to make 20-25 rotis.

00:15:18They asked me to knead a lot of flour.

00:15:20They asked me to do all these things.

00:15:22I used to do all these things.

00:15:24Then I used to call my aunt

00:15:26and tell her what happened.

00:15:28Anyway, my aunt used to ask

00:15:30when I would go back.

00:15:32So after a few months

00:15:34of marriage,

00:15:36I found out that

00:15:38he doesn't have a job.

00:15:40He is not interested in working.

00:15:42And he will not go back.

00:15:44How did you spend your time?

00:15:46I used to spend my time like this.

00:15:48I didn't have kids at that time.

00:15:50I was newly married.

00:15:52My aunt said that we will talk

00:15:54and we will ask.

00:15:56One day, she called me to her house

00:15:58and told me that I will go back.

00:16:00Then why didn't I go?

00:16:02Because I had spent my time there 10 years ago.

00:16:04Anyway, she asked me to give her

00:16:062-2.5 lakhs.

00:16:08Then my aunt said that

00:16:10this didn't happen at the time of marriage.

00:16:12You said that you will go

00:16:14and take the girl with you.

00:16:16That's why we got you married.

00:16:18Otherwise, you have a big family.

00:16:20Then my aunt decided

00:16:22that I should separate from him.

00:16:24And when I have a child,

00:16:26I should give him to someone.

00:16:28I was pregnant at that time.

00:16:30She said that

00:16:32when you have a child,

00:16:34you should separate from him.

00:16:36We will get you divorced.

00:16:38And when you have a child,

00:16:40we will give him to someone.

00:16:42I refused.

00:16:44I said that I don't give my child to anyone.

00:16:46I thought that I should give a chance to my marriage.

00:16:48Maybe it will work out.

00:16:50Then I went back home.

00:16:52When I went back home,

00:16:54my aunt, my uncle, everyone

00:16:56stopped talking to me.

00:16:58They said that we don't want to meet

00:17:00Then I went back home.

00:17:02I didn't meet my mother

00:17:04because she was not present at the time of marriage.

00:17:06Then

00:17:08my husband and I

00:17:10used to fight every day.

00:17:12My mother-in-law used to

00:17:14listen to everything my husband said.

00:17:16He used to beat me up.

00:17:18He didn't give me any money.

00:17:20Then I had a child.

00:17:22Even after that,

00:17:24I kept thinking that

00:17:26my marriage should work out.

00:17:28My house didn't break down.

00:17:30After some time,

00:17:32my brother-in-law got married.

00:17:34My mother-in-law told me that

00:17:36she needed a room.

00:17:38She shifted me to a storeroom.

00:17:40She gave that room to my brother-in-law.

00:17:42He took that room from me.

00:17:44I was alone.

00:17:46I didn't have anyone

00:17:48to introduce me to anyone.

00:17:54Your husband couldn't take any stand.

00:17:56He used to beat me up.

00:17:58He didn't let me work.

00:18:00I didn't know how to wash clothes.

00:18:02I used to get beaten up for this.

00:18:04I didn't know how to cook.

00:18:06I used to get beaten up

00:18:08because I didn't work at home.

00:18:10I was not used to working.

00:18:12I had to go to my in-laws

00:18:14and do all this.

00:18:16My brother-in-law had six children.

00:18:18His wife got divorced

00:18:20and left the children.

00:18:22My mother-in-law used to tell me

00:18:24to wash clothes,

00:18:26give them food,

00:18:28wake up early in the morning

00:18:30and give them breakfast.

00:18:32Your children are not yet born.

00:18:34Take care of them.

00:18:36If I didn't want to,

00:18:38I used to get beaten up by my husband.

00:18:40Did you shift to a storeroom

00:18:42before your children were born?

00:18:44No, my child was already born.

00:18:46I have three children.

00:18:48Two of my children were born in the same room

00:18:50where I got married.

00:18:52He shifted me to a storeroom

00:18:54because my brother-in-law

00:18:56was getting married.

00:18:58He needed a room.

00:19:00My husband promised me

00:19:02that he would get me a house

00:19:04on rent after a few months.

00:19:06I agreed.

00:19:08But he didn't get me a house.

00:19:10Was he not working?

00:19:12No, he didn't work.

00:19:14When I asked him to work

00:19:16or talk to someone

00:19:18to get him a job,

00:19:20he wouldn't go to work.

00:19:22He wouldn't work.

00:19:24My mother-in-law used to say

00:19:26that he wouldn't get a job

00:19:28because of me.

00:19:30How are you living now?

00:19:32Are you with him now?

00:19:34No, I am not with him now.

00:19:36I contacted my mother

00:19:38and told her everything.

00:19:40I told my mother

00:19:42everything.

00:19:44I was brave because

00:19:46I had three children

00:19:48and I didn't want to live

00:19:50with him.

00:19:52Instead of living like this,

00:19:54I decided to get a divorce

00:19:56so that I can live

00:19:58without him.

00:20:00How do you live

00:20:02without him?

00:20:06I got a divorce

00:20:08and now I live with my mother.

00:20:10Thank God, my mother and brother

00:20:12have taken care of me and my children.

00:20:14I work at home.

00:20:16This is how I

00:20:18live with my children.

00:20:22Are your children young?

00:20:24Yes, they are young.

00:20:26The worst thing is

00:20:28that she got cheated

00:20:30by her husband.

00:20:32But even after getting cheated,

00:20:34our girls are emotional.

00:20:36They have given birth

00:20:38to a third child.

00:20:40It is obvious that

00:20:42her husband is jobless.

00:20:44Our girls

00:20:46are very emotional.

00:20:50Girls want to compromise.

00:20:52They don't want to break

00:20:54their marriage.

00:20:56They want to give her a chance

00:20:58to have another child.

00:21:00Now that she has two children,

00:21:02where will I go?

00:21:04Obviously, there is involvement

00:21:06and love.

00:21:08Mostly,

00:21:10both before and after

00:21:12the child is born.

00:21:14Once the child is born,

00:21:16she will be able to do her job.

00:21:18This is a hope.

00:21:20But I think

00:21:22those who don't want to do it,

00:21:24should not do it.

00:21:28What is the basic need

00:21:30of a girl while getting married?

00:21:32She needs protection.

00:21:34This is the purpose of marriage.

00:21:36Parents think that

00:21:38if they get married here,

00:21:40she will take care of the family.

00:21:42She will take care of the family.

00:21:44The boy is not visible,

00:21:46but the family will manage him.

00:21:48The problem is

00:21:50when the girl

00:21:52feels unsafe with that person.

00:21:54Like she was saying,

00:21:56it was not just that they didn't earn,

00:21:58which was a big factor.

00:22:00Exactly.

00:22:02They were not physically safe.

00:22:04We blame ourselves

00:22:06so much that

00:22:08we don't know what to do.

00:22:10If I fulfill this,

00:22:12if I manage

00:22:14her family,

00:22:16if I fulfill

00:22:18all the responsibilities,

00:22:20then my basic needs will be fulfilled.

00:22:22Most of the time,

00:22:24the family thinks that

00:22:26the boy will be fine after marriage.

00:22:28Are you getting married to a doctor?

00:22:30Are you getting married for treatment?

00:22:32No one can solve

00:22:34the problems of personality.

00:22:36If you are getting married to a responsible person,

00:22:38then that person

00:22:40will become more irresponsible.

00:22:42He will feel that his wife is taking care of him.

00:22:44Most of the time,

00:22:46he is not working and his wife

00:22:48has to take the responsibility

00:22:50of fulfilling the needs of the children.

00:22:52When the husband becomes financially independent,

00:22:54he takes more back steps.

00:22:56She is earning, she is doing it.

00:22:58Everything is being managed.

00:23:00On top of that,

00:23:02she has to do the household chores.

00:23:04She is doing her responsibility

00:23:06but she has to take financial responsibility

00:23:08because she has to take care of the children.

00:23:10She has to fulfill the needs

00:23:12of the children.

00:23:14Her role has changed.

00:23:16She is not just a wife, she has become a mother.

00:23:18I was reading somewhere that a woman

00:23:20becomes a man when she feels

00:23:22that her husband is not a man.

00:23:24In the sense that he is not earning

00:23:26and he is not taking care of her.

00:23:28She has to do it herself.

00:23:30She comes to the front seat.

00:23:32A mother has the capability

00:23:34to defend her child.

00:23:36Just like she did.

00:23:38She took a step.

00:23:40She took a step.

00:23:42She took a step.

00:23:44She took a step.

00:23:46She took a step.

00:23:48She took a step.

00:23:50She took a step.

00:23:52She took a step.

00:23:54She took a step.

00:23:56She took a step.

00:23:58She took a step.

00:24:00She has to take care of her children.

00:24:02She has to take care of her children.

00:24:04She has to take care of her children.

00:24:06She has to take care of her children.

00:24:08She has to take care of her children.

00:24:10She has to take care of her children.

00:24:12She has to take care of her children.

00:24:14She has to take care of her children.

00:24:16She has to take care of her children.

00:24:18She has to take care of her children.

00:24:20She has to take care of her children.

00:24:22She has to take care of her children.

00:24:24She has to take care of her children.

00:24:26She has to take care of her children.

00:24:28She has to take care of her children.

00:24:30She has to take care of her children.

00:24:32She has to take care of her children.

00:24:34She has to take care of her children.

00:24:36She has to take care of her children.

00:24:38She has to take care of her children.

00:24:40She has to take care of her children.

00:24:42She has to take care of her children.

00:24:44She has to take care of her children.

00:24:46She has to take care of her children.

00:24:48She has to take care of her children.

00:24:50She has to take care of her children.

00:24:52She has to take care of her children.

00:24:54She has to take care of her children.

00:24:56I don't like to talk on screen.

00:24:58I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:00I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:02I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:04I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:06I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:08I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:10I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:12I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:14I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:16I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:18I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:20I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:22I don't like to talk on screen.

00:25:24We will conclude that

00:25:26We will conclude that

00:25:28We will conclude that

00:25:30May this opportunity pass by

00:25:32May this opportunity pass by

00:25:42May this opportunity pass by

00:25:48The way she did it after 3 children

00:25:50The way she did it after three children

00:25:52and do it a little early.

00:25:53The girls she tries to encourage,

00:25:56we won't say that we won't encourage them either.

00:25:59She did it, so maybe, maybe.

00:26:01But no, finally, this is what you see,

00:26:03what I said in the beginning,

00:26:04that those who don't want to do it, don't do it.

00:26:06If you don't see one child, then the other...

00:26:08The girls are a little bit like,

00:26:09if it's a bad time, then we'll leave the husband.

00:26:12If the husband's family and the husband got married by deceit,

00:26:16that's a bad time from the start.

00:26:18That's what I'm saying.

00:26:18That's from the start.

00:26:20As soon as he left, she told him to make a lot of rotis.

00:26:23When you got married to her, she was well settled,

00:26:25and because of some reason,

00:26:27a bad time came upon her,

00:26:28then that's a different story.

00:26:29It's very different, isn't it?

00:26:31Then you have to support her.

00:26:32We're not saying that.

00:26:33What would you say, Neelam?

00:26:35Learn to differentiate between a person's personality and their circumstances.

00:26:40Is it a difficult time coming upon them,

00:26:42or is it their personality?

00:26:43It is like that, yes.

00:26:44Okay, and the other thing is,

00:26:46because, genetically speaking,

00:26:50women are auditory.

00:26:51Meaning, the things that we say,

00:26:53we have more faith in them.

00:26:55And the advantage of this is,

00:26:56often men or families take advantage of this.

00:26:59When they give consolation,

00:27:00when they make up,

00:27:01often the girls get angry and take a stand.

00:27:04There's no change in their behaviour,

00:27:06their attitude doesn't change,

00:27:07but they make up by talking,

00:27:09they connect,

00:27:10they say, now I'll change,

00:27:12they give consolation.

00:27:13So, please don't fall into these consolations,

00:27:15until they bring those things into action.

00:27:19You're putting forth a demand,

00:27:21that you do a job,

00:27:22not me.

00:27:22Whether you're doing it for 10,000 or 50,000,

00:27:25but at least earn something and bring it in.

00:27:27So, until...

00:27:27It's your responsibility in our house.

00:27:29Absolutely, absolutely.

00:27:30Until they bring action to it,

00:27:32until then, don't move from your stand.

00:27:34And the rest of the family,

00:27:36a little bit of family planning,

00:27:37I think time has passed so much,

00:27:39that in family planning,

00:27:40a little bit of wisdom should be done,

00:27:43as to how all these things will be managed in the future.

00:27:45Meaning, you don't have a job,

00:27:47you don't have anything to feed yourself,

00:27:49and you're giving birth to children.

00:27:51What decency is this?

00:27:52You don't have to feed the children,

00:27:54you have to educate them,

00:27:56you have to do a lot of things for them.

00:27:58Now, obviously,

00:27:59he's separated from his three children,

00:28:00he doesn't have a father,

00:28:02so all three children will be affected.

00:28:04Absolutely, absolutely.

00:28:05So, the next child we have,

00:28:10her name is Hira.

00:28:12Abira, sorry.

00:28:13And what would Abira like to share with us?

00:28:15Let's listen.

00:28:16Yes, Abira.

00:28:17Assalamualaikum.

00:28:18Walaikumassalam.

00:28:19My name is Abira.

00:28:20Abira, if you speak a little louder,

00:28:21your voice will reach us easily.

00:28:23Yes, my name is Abira.

00:28:25Yes.

00:28:26And I wanted to tell you about my marriage.

00:28:29We are five sisters,

00:28:31and my father was a retired government employee.

00:28:36Okay.

00:28:37And five sisters.

00:28:38You can't hear your voice a little bit.

00:28:40We were five sisters,

00:28:42and my father had retired,

00:28:45he was a government employee.

00:28:46Okay.

00:28:48We were two sisters,

00:28:49and we didn't have a good relationship.

00:28:51I was the most beautiful among my sisters.

00:28:53Okay.

00:28:54So, one day, a woman brought a proposal for me.

00:28:58The boy was alone,

00:28:59he had his own house,

00:29:00he had a car,

00:29:01he had a bungalow.

00:29:02Mashallah, they were very settled people.

00:29:05So, when a proposal like this comes to a poor family,

00:29:08just like every parent,

00:29:09my parents also felt that our daughter will have fun.

00:29:12It's a good thing to get married in such a place.

00:29:16So, after a few meetings,

00:29:20they finalized the proposal.

00:29:22Okay.

00:29:22After the proposal was finalized,

00:29:23when it was sent to the relatives,

00:29:26some people objected that the boy was not right,

00:29:30and that he was taking drugs,

00:29:31and they had heard about it.

00:29:33But my parents couldn't decide at that time.

00:29:36During this time, my mother-in-law came,

00:29:38and she said that your relatives have told us a lot about your daughter at home.

00:29:44Okay.

00:29:45That their daughters are like this,

00:29:46their daughters are like that.

00:29:48They said so much that we changed from our own relatives.

00:29:52Hmm.

00:29:53They did such things.

00:29:55So, at that time, we felt that maybe it was the trick of our relatives,

00:29:59that maybe the proposal came from a good family,

00:30:01from a rich family.

00:30:02You got jealous.

00:30:03Because of jealousy.

00:30:05Thinking about this,

00:30:07my parents trusted what my mother-in-law said.

00:30:10My parents are very simple and very poor.

00:30:14Anyway, we got married like this.

00:30:16Before marriage, they said that you are from a poor family,

00:30:19we don't have any demands,

00:30:20we don't want any dowry,

00:30:22we will spend all the money for the wedding,

00:30:24we will do all the food,

00:30:25we will do the venue,

00:30:26we will do everything.

00:30:27Hmm.

00:30:28We just want your daughter and nothing else.

00:30:31Now they said all this,

00:30:32but still, whatever could be done with my parents,

00:30:34the wedding was scheduled for three months,

00:30:36then there were some problems in between,

00:30:38so the three-month wedding was done in one month.

00:30:42Okay.

00:30:42So, the wedding was done in one month.

00:30:44Okay.

00:30:45In this way, we did all the preparations in one month.

00:30:48Somehow, my parents left money for furniture,

00:30:51got furniture done,

00:30:52did small things.

00:30:55Because my mother-in-law said that we will bear all the expenses of the wedding.

00:30:57Hmm.

00:30:58Now, the day I am sitting in Mayu,

00:30:59my mother-in-law is getting married,

00:31:00and she has come to give dowry,

00:31:02and she comes and says that

00:31:03we are not getting venue for the reception,

00:31:05our arrangements are not being made,

00:31:07so the arrangements we had for the wedding,

00:31:09we are doing reception in that.

00:31:11You do this,

00:31:12you give us a simple wedding.

00:31:14We don't have any demands from you.

00:31:16Hmm.

00:31:17So, what could we do at that time?

00:31:19The situation was such that we had to listen to them.

00:31:21We listened to them,

00:31:22and the wedding was done on the second day itself.

00:31:26Hmm.

00:31:27And on the third day, they did reception as per their wish.

00:31:30Where our relatives were upset,

00:31:32so many people did not come.

00:31:33Many people were not present.

00:31:34So, the people of my own family,

00:31:36they were not given any special respect,

00:31:38nor the way it happens that the girl's family has come.

00:31:40Hmm.

00:31:41Nothing of that sort was done.

00:31:42Hmm.

00:31:43Anyway, after some time passed,

00:31:45I mean, they kept me very well for 2-3 months.

00:31:48They used to take me around with them,

00:31:49they used to make me wear nice clothes.

00:31:51When I went to my relatives,

00:31:53I used to go and tell them that I am living very well,

00:31:55I am very fortunate.

00:31:56My parents were also very happy.

00:31:57I mean, everything was going very well.

00:31:59Hmm.

00:32:00After 3-4 months,

00:32:01during this time,

00:32:02Mashallah, there was good news as well.

00:32:04So, after that, after 3-4 months,

00:32:06suddenly my husband's health started deteriorating.

00:32:08His health deteriorated,

00:32:09he was hospitalized.

00:32:10He underwent treatment for 2-3 days.

00:32:12Hmm.

00:32:12In this way,

00:32:13every 2 weeks,

00:32:14every 3 weeks,

00:32:15these things started coming.

00:32:16Now, I could not understand why this was happening,

00:32:18why his health was deteriorating.

00:32:19Hmm.

00:32:20Then, gradually,

00:32:21it started to become clear that he used to take drugs.

00:32:24Oh!

00:32:26And he used to take drugs to such an extent

00:32:28that his condition deteriorated.

00:32:29His parents used to get him treated.

00:32:32And because of this,

00:32:33they took a girl from a poor family

00:32:34so that he could survive with her.

00:32:37Hmm.

00:32:39Do you know, sometimes it happens that

00:32:41if you get a proposal from a very rich family,

00:32:43that is, if your status is much higher than your status,

00:32:48then this is also a disturbing thing sometimes.

00:32:50They say that

00:32:51you should marry someone who is equal to you.

00:32:54This is absolutely right.

00:32:56And there is a saying in English that

00:32:57if something looks too good to be true,

00:33:00it probably is.

00:33:01That is, you know,

00:33:01it looks very good.

00:33:03So, you should also question a little

00:33:05as to what is the reason.

00:33:06Exactly.

00:33:06That is why people do it.

00:33:08Yes.

00:33:08That is why people say,

00:33:09how did this happen?

00:33:10They will be suppressed.

00:33:11Absolutely.

00:33:11How did such a good proposal happen?

00:33:13Yes.

00:33:14Exactly.

00:33:15So, he was sick,

00:33:17he used to take drugs,

00:33:19he was already addicted,

00:33:21even before marriage.

00:33:22Yes.

00:33:23These things came to light.

00:33:25Because we had no knowledge of these things,

00:33:28what these things are,

00:33:29what the conditions are.

00:33:30We were sisters,

00:33:31girls who lived in houses.

00:33:33So, we did not understand all these things.

00:33:35Anyway, when these things started to come to light,

00:33:38and then it started to happen that

00:33:39even in front of me,

00:33:40I used to see him in different ways,

00:33:42sometimes injections,

00:33:43sometimes some powder type of thing.

00:33:45Allah!

00:33:46But it was a matter of respect,

00:33:48he was from a poor family.

00:33:49So, I tolerated it silently

00:33:52that now it will be fine,

00:33:53now it will be fine.

00:33:54Meanwhile, Mashallah,

00:33:55he had a son.

00:33:56Then it happened to me that

00:33:57he had a son.

00:33:58Now, Mashallah,

00:33:59I have a little importance

00:34:00from my in-laws as well.

00:34:02And maybe my husband will also change

00:34:03that he has a child,

00:34:04he has a son.

00:34:05But it didn't make much difference to that person.

00:34:07His dosage was also increasing.

00:34:11Allah!

00:34:11He used to stay away from home

00:34:12for a long time.

00:34:13So, was your mother-in-law

00:34:14not helping you

00:34:15to meet him in the app?

00:34:16When I started complaining to my mother-in-law,

00:34:18at first,

00:34:19I didn't talk much

00:34:21when there were strangers.

00:34:22But when I started complaining,

00:34:24then the opposite reaction started to come

00:34:26that you are not able to handle your husband,

00:34:28you are not able to handle him.

00:34:30We thought that

00:34:31his wife will come and change him.

00:34:33So, it was the responsibility of the wife

00:34:34that she will change him.

00:34:35You are not changing him

00:34:36and he is not changing you.

00:34:38Anyway, I talked to him a lot like this.

00:34:40Now, when she used to stop him

00:34:43that you don't take these drugs,

00:34:44you don't do this,

00:34:44you are with the children,

00:34:45see who is after you.

00:34:47So, on this matter,

00:34:48he started beating me up.

00:34:50How many children did you have?

00:34:52In this, I had two children,

00:34:54by the grace of God.

00:34:55Yes.

00:34:55So, my third pregnancy was going on at that time.

00:34:59There were so many fights

00:35:00that he hit me with the belts

00:35:02in the pregnancy.

00:35:03Allah!

00:35:04Oh!

00:35:06And somehow,

00:35:07in my house,

00:35:08somehow,

00:35:09because I was not allowed to use my mobile,

00:35:10I was not allowed to go to my parents' house.

00:35:12Allah!

00:35:13Now, she was also worried

00:35:14that he should not open the matters of the house outside.

00:35:20Then how did you get out of the house?

00:35:22So, when he started hitting me with the belts,

00:35:24somehow, I got contact at home.

00:35:26I just said that

00:35:27come and take me from here.

00:35:29Here, I have lost my patience.

00:35:31Okay, he beats me up,

00:35:32he takes drugs.

00:35:32So, he becomes so crazy

00:35:34to beat up the children as well.

00:35:35Then, he does not take care of us.

00:35:37My father-in-law has a very good business.

00:35:39He has a very good income.

00:35:40When he sees us from outside,

00:35:41he feels that we are a perfect family in every way.

00:35:44But, there are so many problems in his house.

00:35:47My father-in-law is also a psychological person.

00:35:49He is a mother-in-law.

00:35:50He has the whole house in his hands.

00:35:51According to him, the whole house runs.

00:35:53But,

00:35:53he also used to beat me up

00:35:55that why are you not being able to control my son?

00:35:57Why are you not being able to correct him?

00:35:59Allah!

00:36:00So, now, a man who is not listening to his parents,

00:36:03how would he listen to me?

00:36:04How much could I have handled him?

00:36:06I did whatever I could.

00:36:08And,

00:36:08believe me, I was definitely from a poor family.

00:36:10But, my parents raised me with a lot of love.

00:36:13When I had a slight fever,

00:36:15my parents took me to the doctors

00:36:17and got me treated.

00:36:18And, here,

00:36:19believe me,

00:36:21my children are at home.

00:36:22They got them treated by the nurses.

00:36:24Allah!

00:36:26So,

00:36:27it gives me a lot of pain

00:36:28that being poor is not such a big punishment

00:36:31that you do not take me to the doctors

00:36:34and do not let me talk to my family.

00:36:36If a woman from the neighborhood comes,

00:36:37I do not want to sit with her.

00:36:38If my parents come,

00:36:39I do not want to talk to them.

00:36:40They have gone to travel.

00:36:42They have gone here.

00:36:43I used to be present at home.

00:36:44There were a lot of lies going on.

00:36:46A lot of lies.

00:36:48Allah!

00:36:48I had seen my life getting ruined.

00:36:51I did not want my children to survive like this.

00:36:56Then, I thought of taking a stand.

00:36:58I had become strong.

00:36:59I thought that now I have to take a stand for my children.

00:37:01I was not able to tolerate my children.

00:37:03Somehow, I informed my family.

00:37:05My family members came.

00:37:06They brought two or three elders of the family.

00:37:09So, I had to say in front of them

00:37:11that she does not work.

00:37:13She is a workaholic.

00:37:14She is like this.

00:37:16So, now I was not able to tolerate it.

00:37:18Now I opened my mouth and said that

00:37:20no, her son, my husband, takes drugs.

00:37:24We already knew all these things.

00:37:25He misled us.

00:37:27He put us in the mirror.

00:37:29We trusted his words.

00:37:31Now, because I had spoken and opened my mouth,

00:37:33he also hit me in front of my relatives.

00:37:37Allah!

00:37:39How long have you been separated from him?

00:37:41It will be a year now.

00:37:44Did you take a divorce?

00:37:46No, we did not take a divorce.

00:37:48It so happened that I asked him for a divorce.

00:37:51He said that he asked me for a divorce.

00:37:53I had asked him for my dowry.

00:37:55He refused and said that if you want to take a divorce,

00:37:58then take it.

00:37:59You will not be given a dowry.

00:38:00You will not be given a divorce.

00:38:02Now, I want to discuss with you.

00:38:06I want your advice.

00:38:07I have not been divorced from him yet.

00:38:08I have heard about it.

00:38:10I have not heard about it.

00:38:10I am 100% sure that he has been married again.

00:38:15My children are with me.

00:38:18I have four or five sisters at home.

00:38:20My children are also being raised by my old father.

00:38:25By the grace of God, our expenses are managed.

00:38:27Relatives help us.

00:38:29You do not do anything.

00:38:30I cannot do anything.

00:38:31My daughter is very young.

00:38:32I cannot leave her.

00:38:34We could not get your education because of the situation.

00:38:38Because of the situation, we could not get jobs.

00:38:40We were not girls who used to go out of the house.

00:38:42We were girls who used to stay at home.

00:38:44My sister does not have any experience of a job.

00:38:49The pension that my father gets from that pension

00:38:52and the relatives who help us,

00:38:54that is how we are able to run our house.

00:38:55My in-laws do not realize that

00:38:58how I am able to take care of my three children.

00:39:02Oh God!

00:39:04What should we do?

00:39:04What should be the answer to this?

00:39:07All the girls and their families

00:39:08think that if they get a proposal from a rich family,

00:39:11their life will improve.

00:39:13See, it is not a bad thing to hope or try for something good.

00:39:18But if there is an incident where drugs are involved,

00:39:22that your partner is addicted to drugs,

00:39:25then first of all, it is not your responsibility to fix it.

00:39:30It is not possible.

00:39:32Because drugs have a direct effect on your brain.

00:39:36And if a person who is taking drugs at that time

00:39:39is not in his senses,

00:39:41then what is he saying?

00:39:42What is he doing?

00:39:43Who is he hitting?

00:39:45How aggressive is he being?

00:39:46And they are there.

00:39:47This is the effect of drugs.

00:39:49And our thought is that we will be fine with time.

00:39:53They are not responsible for other problems.

00:39:56They don't work.

00:39:58They are not emotional.

00:39:59They don't know how to talk.

00:40:00They are short-tempered.

00:40:01They can manage everything.

00:40:03But drugs are such a thing that increases with time.

00:40:06For example, if you take a cup of tea in the morning,

00:40:10then after some time you will feel that your work is increasing.

00:40:12I don't take a cup of tea, I take two cups of tea.

00:40:14Now I don't feel so alert.

00:40:16I think I should drink a little stronger tea.

00:40:18This also works on a small scale with drugs.

00:40:23Because that caffeine goes into your system.

00:40:25The same thing, drugs start giving you at a big level.

00:40:29The more you take it, the better you feel.

00:40:33And that person starts taking more.

00:40:35And then when he is not caring for himself,

00:40:37he is not caring for his health,

00:40:39then he will not be able to care for his parents or anyone else around him.

00:40:43And see, sometimes they get into trouble.

00:40:46You know, sometimes there is such a social circle.

00:40:48They are living outside.

00:40:50So they get into these things.

00:40:51Parents have a very strong role in this.

00:40:53If parents see it as a problem,

00:40:56that yes, this problem has happened,

00:40:58yes, he has started taking it,

00:40:59now we have to talk about it,

00:41:00we have to stop him,

00:41:01we have to keep an eye on him,

00:41:02we have to not let him go out of the house,

00:41:04we have to force him into rehab,

00:41:06we have to not give him money,

00:41:07then it is a good thing.

00:41:09But if parents are covering it,

00:41:11then you are sharing it with him.

00:41:12By covering it, you have put another person in his life.

00:41:16You have also ruined that girl's life.

00:41:19He wanted to get married.

00:41:22Because who will give their daughter to a drug addict?

00:41:25There will be no enemy who will do this to their daughters.

00:41:28So there are a lot of such stories that

00:41:32the spoilt rich people of a rich family

00:41:35get married in their homes.

00:41:38By deceit.

00:41:39And those girls, because they are poor,

00:41:41they remain silent.

00:41:43And their lives are ruined.

00:41:47It is impossible for them.

00:41:49How did we get such a good marriage?

00:41:51How to reject the proposal?

00:41:53And after the marriage,

00:41:54what will our family members say?

00:41:56Everyone has their own norms.

00:41:58So I think,

00:42:00first of all, one should get married in an equal family.

00:42:03And even if you are getting married,

00:42:05there is a slight difference in the family.

00:42:09So there should be a lot of investigation.

00:42:12There should be a lot of police investigation.

00:42:16And it is not a crime to be poor.

00:42:18It is not a crime to be in financial difference.

00:42:20And if you live your whole life in this sense of inferiority,

00:42:23that they have done a favor by sending the proposal.

00:42:26So in this way, the world has changed a lot.

00:42:29So if you are also at home,

00:42:31then it is not necessary to go out a little.

00:42:34Now everything has become virtual.

00:42:36You come towards a little self-reliance.

00:42:38Everyone else is there.

00:42:39How long will you be a burden on your father?

00:42:42You will have to take a stand.

00:42:44Allah makes the fate.

00:42:46Some mistakes happen to humans too.

00:42:48But we get the fate from there.

00:42:50And sometimes there are such turns in life.

00:42:52So they push you towards success.

00:42:55If you can take a stand yourself,

00:42:57seeing the faces of your children,

00:42:59under compulsion,

00:43:01Allah will put a courage in you.

00:43:03Many women say that

00:43:05if all this had not happened to me in life,

00:43:07then where I am today,

00:43:09it would not have happened there.

00:43:11If we check the background of many women,

00:43:14who are very famous women,

00:43:16they say that if I had not had these shocks,

00:43:18then with the help of these shocks,

00:43:20I have reached a level.

00:43:22So sometimes you understand

00:43:24that Allah is giving you those shocks in life

00:43:26that he wants to take you somewhere.

00:43:28So you can also take this thing positively.

00:43:30A small break.

00:43:32Keep watching after the break.

00:43:34Good morning Pakistan.

00:43:44Welcome.

00:43:46Welcome back.

00:43:48Good morning Pakistan.

00:43:50I was going to tell you

00:43:52that I am going to discuss an important topic

00:43:54which is not told to our girls.

00:43:56This education is not given.

00:43:58But I am discussing this topic

00:44:00because I don't know

00:44:02how many girls' lives

00:44:04are being destroyed.

00:44:06I have Hina Asif

00:44:08from the marriage bureau.

00:44:10Alvin Asif, sorry.

00:44:12I am not able to understand

00:44:14what the team is saying.

00:44:16I am not able to understand half of it.

00:44:18I have become deaf.

00:44:20Alvina Asif is with us.

00:44:22Sometimes it happens

00:44:24that the marriage bureau

00:44:26also deceives them.

00:44:28If they are also given

00:44:30something for the marriage,

00:44:32then there are many things

00:44:34which they can't even find out.

00:44:36Something like this happened

00:44:38in front of Alvina.

00:44:41Bint-e-Kamal.

00:44:43Alhamdulillah,

00:44:45I have been married for 7-8 years.

00:44:47There are good and bad experiences

00:44:49in memories.

00:44:51There are a few which I would like to share.

00:44:53There was a client of mine

00:44:55who got married in a very well-off place.

00:44:57She was also very well-off.

00:44:59She has been married for 2-2.5 years.

00:45:01The marriage was very good.

00:45:03The boy had studied in America.

00:45:05The marriage was very good.

00:45:07All the functions were

00:45:10on an outstanding level.

00:45:12When the girl goes to her room

00:45:14after the wedding,

00:45:16when the boy comes to the room,

00:45:18it happens that

00:45:20he comes and looks at his wife.

00:45:22He takes out a dress

00:45:24from the cupboard

00:45:26of a bridal dress type.

00:45:28He goes to the washroom,

00:45:30changes and comes back.

00:45:32The girl is completely shocked.

00:45:34The boy takes out the clothes of the girls

00:45:36from the cupboard

00:45:38and puts it on himself.

00:45:40It was like a drama.

00:45:42Which drama were you in?

00:45:44Ishq Zahe Naseeb.

00:45:46In which Zahid Ahmed and Yumna Zahidi were there.

00:45:48Yes, it was a very good play.

00:45:50So, people

00:45:52tried to make people understand.

00:45:54Exactly.

00:45:56What is this?

00:45:58It is called gender identity disorder.

00:46:00It means

00:46:02that my gender

00:46:04is female.

00:46:07When I grow up,

00:46:09I am against my gender.

00:46:11I feel that I am not a female,

00:46:13but a male.

00:46:15What is happening in the West?

00:46:17Children become handsome.

00:46:19They become a dog.

00:46:21They get their surgeries

00:46:23and make strange faces.

00:46:25I am this.

00:46:27I feel that I am this.

00:46:29It is called gender identity disorder.

00:46:31It is a very serious

00:46:33psychological disease.

00:46:35Because it is related to my gender

00:46:37and my identity,

00:46:39it will not affect people.

00:46:41If I am sitting somewhere far away

00:46:43and I am connected to my family,

00:46:45then I am connected on mobile or video.

00:46:47People will not know

00:46:49that I am fighting with myself.

00:46:51When someone comes to live with me,

00:46:53they will know

00:46:55what they are going through.

00:46:57The confusion of male and female

00:46:59is mostly in these things.

00:47:01There are many other problems in the West.

00:47:04The confusion of male and female

00:47:06is mostly in these things.

00:47:08But it is happening behind the curtain.

00:47:10Yes, it is happening behind the curtain.

00:47:12It is happening in front of the curtain.

00:47:14Now, you tell us

00:47:16what happened with Dr. Neelam.

00:47:18I will agree with her.

00:47:20He was the only brother of seven sisters.

00:47:22The only brother of seven sisters.

00:47:24So, there was a lot of confusion

00:47:26in him.

00:47:28When parents saw

00:47:30some abusive things,

00:47:33their skills

00:47:35were enhanced.

00:47:37When parents saw some abusive things

00:47:39in his personality,

00:47:41they said,

00:47:43send the child away from the sisters.

00:47:45Send him away from the atmosphere

00:47:47of the sisters' home.

00:47:49You are saying,

00:47:51they sent him to the West

00:47:53where everything has been enhanced.

00:47:55When he came back,

00:47:57they got him married.

00:47:59The parents did not know

00:48:01and sent him away.

00:48:03Nowadays, it is happening

00:48:05that if a boy is abused

00:48:07or he is shouting,

00:48:09get him married.

00:48:11He will be fine.

00:48:13He will be fine.

00:48:15So, what happened with that girl?

00:48:17When she went to her home,

00:48:19she told everything to her mother.

00:48:21Her mother did not accept it.

00:48:23She said,

00:48:25your mental level is not accepting it.

00:48:27So, you are saying something on your side.

00:48:30He was in front of his wife.

00:48:32Yes, he was in front of his wife.

00:48:34He was doing this on a regular basis.

00:48:36After 2-3 days,

00:48:38when the girl went to her mother's home

00:48:40for the next day,

00:48:42she said,

00:48:44I will not go back home.

00:48:46She said,

00:48:48they do such things.

00:48:50She said,

00:48:52you do not want to stay,

00:48:54we will drop you.

00:48:56Mother said,

00:48:58the girl said,

00:49:00I will go,

00:49:02but you have to skip 1-2 days

00:49:04and come to my home

00:49:06in the late hours

00:49:08so that you can see everything lively.

00:49:10So, she said,

00:49:12okay, go.

00:49:14She did not come for a day.

00:49:16The next day,

00:49:18when she came,

00:49:20she said,

00:49:22we were passing by,

00:49:24so we came.

00:49:27So, was he roaming around the room?

00:49:29He did not lock the room.

00:49:31He told his mother,

00:49:33I will not lock the room.

00:49:35You come and knock.

00:49:37You will come in and see everything.

00:49:39Nothing will be pre-planned.

00:49:41If it was pre-planned,

00:49:43he was working on a daily basis.

00:49:45We have to plan for lies.

00:49:47The truth always comes out the same.

00:49:49So, this is what happened to him.

00:49:53Then the girl went to her mother's home

00:49:56She must have taken her mother with her.

00:49:58Yes, she must have.

00:50:00She must have taken her step.

00:50:02Yes, she took her step.

00:50:04But her mother died of shock

00:50:06because she was his only daughter.

00:50:10He is a very good friend of mine.

00:50:12He is a very good client of mine.

00:50:14But the girl did not marry him.

00:50:16This is not a common thing.

00:50:18Tell me something,

00:50:20the boy,

00:50:22sometimes it happens that

00:50:24the parents are not at fault

00:50:26but they are at fault

00:50:28for ruining the life of another girl.

00:50:30Now, if a boy or a girl

00:50:32is in a situation

00:50:34where God has mercy

00:50:36on them

00:50:38then the parents are not at fault

00:50:40but they are at fault

00:50:42for ruining someone else's life.

00:50:44See, it is exactly like that.

00:50:46The intention of the parents is

00:50:48to fix it.

00:50:50But the problem is that

00:50:53they can't share it with anyone.

00:50:55It is such a shame

00:50:57that these problems are not common.

00:50:59They are very different.

00:51:01They don't know who to go to,

00:51:03who to talk to,

00:51:05where to find a solution.

00:51:07They think that marriage is the solution

00:51:09and they get married.

00:51:11This problem will be solved,

00:51:13a partner will come,

00:51:15companionship will be established

00:51:17and attention will be diverted.

00:51:19But this does not happen.

00:51:21No matter what the problem is,

00:51:23if you get married, the stress will increase.

00:51:25If I have a sprain

00:51:27and you tell me

00:51:29to put 4 kgs of weight

00:51:31on it, my hand will get better.

00:51:33It will become a fracture.

00:51:35Marriage is a stressful relationship.

00:51:37It will only increase

00:51:39your existing problems.

00:51:41You will have to be stronger than before.

00:51:43Tell me one thing.

00:51:45If the parents know about this

00:51:47then there is a little doubt.

00:51:50Should parents come to you for help?

00:51:52Definitely.

00:51:54What should we do?

00:51:56What steps should we take?

00:51:58Take any decision

00:52:00whether to get married or not.

00:52:02How to stop us?

00:52:04Sometimes there is a lot of pressure.

00:52:06They leave the child.

00:52:08Exactly.

00:52:10They go against the pressure.

00:52:12You have definitely seen

00:52:14because it is a very sensitive problem.

00:52:16Tell me

00:52:19If the child comes to you

00:52:21for help

00:52:23can he be a normal person?

00:52:25What will be his treatment?

00:52:27If you are accepting

00:52:29a problem

00:52:31and you feel

00:52:33that you have a problem

00:52:35then there is a solution.

00:52:37It is your psychology

00:52:39that determines your gender.

00:52:41If I don't have any problem

00:52:43with it, for example

00:52:45smoking is okay

00:52:47then I will never leave it.

00:52:49I will never discuss it with anyone.

00:52:51He will feel that I am fine.

00:52:53Exactly.

00:52:55But if I have an awareness

00:52:57that it is a problem

00:52:59and I can't live a normal life

00:53:01then definitely I will go to the solution.

00:53:03Counseling

00:53:05is not that there are no such cases

00:53:07but definitely there are such cases.

00:53:09But there must be no medicines

00:53:11to stop it.

00:53:13Like she was saying

00:53:16there are some life experiences

00:53:18that take you there.

00:53:20I don't think

00:53:22living with sisters is a strong factor.

00:53:24There can be a reason

00:53:26that the environment was the same

00:53:28but all the brothers and sisters

00:53:30are not free in this.

00:53:32And there are many life experiences

00:53:34that make these things more certain.

00:53:36So you need to work

00:53:38on them.

00:53:40As a family

00:53:42you have to support them

00:53:44If you look at it as a problem

00:53:46and try to address it

00:53:48then definitely there is a change.

00:53:50The first thing is

00:53:52not to increase the problem

00:53:54by getting married

00:53:56because another person

00:53:58came and her life was ruined

00:54:00and she was saying that

00:54:02that lady didn't get married again

00:54:04and she was in trauma.

00:54:06Now we will tell our children

00:54:08that you didn't solve

00:54:10the problem of your husband

00:54:13and now you are the one

00:54:15who has to solve the problem

00:54:17of your child.

00:54:19Now everyone knows

00:54:21that this is a problem

00:54:23and they have taken

00:54:25open ownership

00:54:27and trauma is happening

00:54:29with many people

00:54:31so please don't

00:54:33discuss this

00:54:35with anyone else.

00:54:37There are many people

00:54:39who have heard stories

00:54:42and they don't know

00:54:44what is happening

00:54:46and may Allah have mercy on them.

00:54:48We have a drama called

00:54:50Ishq Zahe Naseeb

00:54:52and we told people

00:54:54about it

00:54:56and there was an Indian movie

00:54:58called Lena Chahiye Nahi

00:55:00and it was about genders

00:55:02and there was a girl

00:55:04and there was a boy

00:55:06and there was a girl

00:55:08but all these things

00:55:10are just to give you

00:55:12awareness

00:55:14and it is very important

00:55:16to think about it

00:55:18and sometimes matchmakers

00:55:20don't know

00:55:22and being a mother

00:55:24I won't trust any matchmaker

00:55:26and sometimes parents

00:55:28don't know

00:55:30and the parents of the boy

00:55:32are thinking for their own good

00:55:34and sometimes parents

00:55:36don't even know

00:55:39and when we are talking

00:55:41about deceit

00:55:43if we are getting married

00:55:45then we are there

00:55:47to make a relationship

00:55:49we are not detectives

00:55:51we are not there

00:55:53to investigate

00:55:55if you are there

00:55:57to find faults

00:55:59then you will find faults everywhere

00:56:01so you can investigate

00:56:03and see basic things

00:56:05and if there is any trauma

00:56:07how to come out of it

00:56:09this is very important

00:56:11because no one

00:56:13can guarantee

00:56:15that your life will be peaceful

00:56:17there are many problems

00:56:19in life

00:56:21you have to handle them

00:56:23and secondly

00:56:25until a person

00:56:27doesn't leave anything

00:56:29like his case

00:56:31or any drug

00:56:33he has to be powerful

00:56:36that he has to end it

00:56:38first he has to understand

00:56:40that he is wrong

00:56:42and until he doesn't

00:56:44he won't be safe

00:56:48I want to go

00:56:50to another topic

00:56:52Alvina will tell

00:56:54because I understood

00:56:56that you were going to discuss

00:56:58another topic

00:57:00I would like to share

00:57:02one more experience

00:57:05I got a proposal

00:57:07from a male

00:57:09to accept me

00:57:11as his son-in-law

00:57:13or abroad

00:57:15so that

00:57:17he can set me

00:57:19he worked according

00:57:21to my requirements

00:57:23and I started working

00:57:25with him

00:57:27when I told him

00:57:29about the proposal

00:57:31he was good

00:57:33when I told him about

00:57:35the proposal

00:57:37he understood

00:57:39what I was saying

00:57:41he understood

00:57:43what I was saying

00:57:45so now

00:57:47he has to visit

00:57:49I got a call

00:57:51from the same guy

00:57:53from a female

00:57:55I asked

00:57:57Alvina to save my home

00:57:59I asked

00:58:02he said

00:58:04the one who contacted you

00:58:06is my husband

00:58:08earlier he got married

00:58:10to his cousin

00:58:12there was a reason

00:58:14so they got divorced

00:58:16he got married to me

00:58:18he has a daughter

00:58:20and a son

00:58:22they are twins

00:58:24they are about to deliver

00:58:26when he told me

00:58:28I told him

00:58:30to talk to me as a witness

00:58:32if I can give you proof

00:58:34he said ok

00:58:36so he cut the call

00:58:38and called me

00:58:40from his mother's number

00:58:42he shared all the pictures

00:58:44of his honeymoon period

00:58:46of his kids

00:58:48even the pregnancy

00:58:50he shared all the pictures

00:58:52oh my god

00:58:54you know

00:58:56I have never shared this

00:58:59they got married

00:59:01in an arranged marriage

00:59:03and the boy

00:59:05was a few years younger than them

00:59:07and because

00:59:09they couldn't get married

00:59:11in the struggle of life

00:59:13they had a good business

00:59:15and they wanted to get married

00:59:17so they got married

00:59:19in an arranged marriage

00:59:21and the boy was well educated

00:59:23he used to go to university

00:59:25so they liked each other

00:59:28after marriage

00:59:30his husband said

00:59:32I am doing a PhD

00:59:34so I have to go for a joint study

00:59:36so they used to stay away

00:59:38and this started increasing

00:59:40and there was nothing wrong

00:59:42they had a good married life

00:59:44after 3-4 months

00:59:46my relatives

00:59:48called me

00:59:50I was in my teens

00:59:52they said

00:59:54I have a doubt

00:59:56that where do they go

00:59:58for a joint study

01:00:00and they used to stay away

01:00:02every night

01:00:04so when we

01:00:06reach there

01:00:08through the number

01:00:10which they used to call a lot

01:00:12so what we see

01:00:14that the boy

01:00:16who is pregnant

01:00:18who is going to have a baby

01:00:20next month

01:00:22he was already married

01:00:25my relative

01:00:27got married to him

01:00:29by cheating

01:00:31because he wanted to go abroad

01:00:33and that's why

01:00:35he got married

01:00:37and my relative

01:00:39was attached to him

01:00:41she was involved

01:00:43she used to stay there

01:00:45and she got to know

01:00:47that such an educated woman

01:00:49got cheated

01:00:51and still

01:00:53she couldn't leave him

01:00:55so she

01:00:57sold her business

01:00:59and went abroad

01:01:01to US

01:01:03and after going to US

01:01:05she started living a good life

01:01:07so she was not getting a child

01:01:09so she decided to adopt

01:01:11later she got to know

01:01:13that that man

01:01:15got his name

01:01:17written for adoption

01:01:19of his own child

01:01:22so he decided

01:01:24to call his first wife

01:01:26so his plan was

01:01:28that after divorcing his wife

01:01:30he will get his first wife

01:01:32and sponsor his child

01:01:34and throw away

01:01:36his relative

01:01:38so like

01:01:40in so many lives

01:01:42we have seen cheating

01:01:44and you get cheated

01:01:46after a short break

01:01:48you keep watching

01:01:51....

01:01:58welcome..

01:02:00welcome back, good morning Pakistan

01:02:02....

01:02:04....

01:02:07....

01:02:10....

01:02:13....

01:02:15....

01:02:17....

01:02:19you are stuck in a whirlwind, and sometimes you are really stuck in the whirlwind of relationships

01:02:28that it is not so easy to get out of it and more than half of your life is ruined.

01:02:33By the time you step out of it, or you get out of it, by then your hair might have turned

01:02:42white.

01:02:43So we should discuss how to get out of it, or when we should get out of it, when we need

01:02:51help.

01:02:52In today's world, no one will tell you aunts and aunts, you will have to take help.

01:02:57And this is happening all over the world that please normalize it.

01:03:02If you need help for anything, then go and get help.

01:03:07Go to the doctor.

01:03:08I have Erum with me right now.

01:03:11Let's hear what Erum has to say.

01:03:15Assalam-o-Alaikum.

01:03:16Walaikum Assalam.

01:03:17I would like to tell you about my daughter.

01:03:19Please speak a little louder.

01:03:20Please bring the mic closer.

01:03:21I can't hear you.

01:03:22I would like to tell you about my daughter.

01:03:25I have six children.

01:03:27Three of them are my daughters.

01:03:29I married my first daughter.

01:03:31My daughter got married through matchmakers.

01:03:34They sent proposals for my daughter.

01:03:38Matchmakers were very familiar with us.

01:03:42They trusted us a lot.

01:03:46They told us that there is a boy who works in a property.

01:03:51He is not 100% wrong.

01:03:54You have to trust me and get married.

01:03:57We got my daughter married in six months.

01:04:02When we got married after six months, my daughter went there.

01:04:06She stayed there for 10-15 days.

01:04:11A month passed.

01:04:15When the second month started, my daughter's behavior was not good.

01:04:22Neither her family nor her husband.

01:04:26My daughter came to me twice and discussed.

01:04:30She said that her husband was not right with her.

01:04:33Neither was her behavior good with me.

01:04:36I told her that this is how it is.

01:04:39It takes at least a year to adjust in the family.

01:04:43I explained to my daughter and sent her.

01:04:46I gave her a gold set.

01:04:50She asked me to bring her receipt.

01:04:52My daughter came and took the receipt.

01:04:55You gave her a gold set.

01:04:58She asked you to give her the receipt.

01:05:01Did you give her the receipt?

01:05:03Yes.

01:05:04She wanted to know if it was a gold set.

01:05:08Yes.

01:05:10When my daughter asked me for the receipt, I told her that it was her property.

01:05:16I gave it to her.

01:05:19She took the receipt.

01:05:21I gave her some documents that my daughter had studied.

01:05:26I taught her how to sew.

01:05:29She came to take the documents.

01:05:32I gave it to her.

01:05:33I told her that it was her property.

01:05:35After a while, her family started to leave her alone.

01:05:41Once she was sitting at home.

01:05:43She was cleaning the house.

01:05:46She saw some documents in her closet.

01:05:55It said that this boy had already married twice.

01:06:00Oh my God!

01:06:02The third one was my daughter.

01:06:04He had already married twice.

01:06:08We didn't know anything about the first wife.

01:06:11My daughter was not smiling.

01:06:15My daughter came to my house.

01:06:20She talked to me.

01:06:22I told her that we will take action on this.

01:06:24But you should have brought the evidence.

01:06:27How will we take action on this?

01:06:32You should have brought something.

01:06:34We told my daughter to go home.

01:06:37We will do it ourselves.

01:06:39But you should have brought the evidence.

01:06:45My daughter was left alone.

01:06:47She was a girl.

01:06:48She couldn't do anything.

01:06:50She told her husband about this.

01:06:52He locked her in the room.

01:06:54Oh my God!

01:06:55There was an uproar.

01:06:58She didn't have a mobile phone.

01:07:00She didn't have a mobile phone.

01:07:03She had a mobile phone at home.

01:07:05But we didn't give her a mobile phone after marriage.

01:07:07We told her that we will get it for her.

01:07:09But she shouldn't take it from here.

01:07:12My daughter didn't have anything.

01:07:15We didn't have a good family background.

01:07:19Most of the people in my area know me.

01:07:23My daughter was tortured.

01:07:27She was beaten.

01:07:29She was burnt.

01:07:34My daughter screamed.

01:07:36She threw something.

01:07:38We found out that something was wrong with her.

01:07:44We got to know about it.

01:07:46We went to her house.

01:07:49She was in a very bad condition.

01:07:52I married my daughter when she was 19 years old.

01:07:55I didn't know how she was.

01:07:59We didn't take any action.

01:08:01We brought our daughter home.

01:08:03There was a lot of uproar.

01:08:05We asked them to release her.

01:08:06They said they wouldn't release her.

01:08:07We didn't want to divorce her.

01:08:08We didn't want to do anything.

01:08:09We didn't want to take her home.

01:08:10She would rot there for the rest of her life.

01:08:12We said she wouldn't rot.

01:08:14But we wouldn't take any action.

01:08:17We didn't want anything from our daughter.

01:08:20There is nothing greater than a child.

01:08:22Absolutely.

01:08:24You brought your daughter home.

01:08:27Didn't you get a divorce?

01:08:29We got a divorce.

01:08:32We got a divorce.

01:08:35We didn't know what happened to the other wife.

01:08:40We didn't know about the first wife.

01:08:42But we found out about the second wife.

01:08:44She was out of her mind.

01:08:46This was their job.

01:08:49This was their job.

01:08:51I don't understand.

01:08:53How do they find peace in ruining other people's lives?

01:08:58How do they think?

01:09:00How do they live their lives?

01:09:02If they ruin the lives of other women,

01:09:04they wouldn't be living a normal life.

01:09:06They wouldn't be living a normal life.

01:09:08They wouldn't have a sister.

01:09:10They wouldn't have a child.

01:09:12They wouldn't have a daughter.

01:09:14They wouldn't have this.

01:09:16How do they find out?

01:09:18It's a strange thing.

01:09:20How do they evaluate other people?

01:09:23If they had an observation,

01:09:25like people meet a lot of people,

01:09:27and socialize,

01:09:29they would have done a better job of face reading.

01:09:31If they had a bad relationship,

01:09:33they would have observed it.

01:09:35They would have observed that there is something wrong.

01:09:39But innocent people can't do that.

01:09:41There are two things.

01:09:43First, give them some time.

01:09:45Before you get married,

01:09:47before you get married,

01:09:49give them some time.

01:09:51People are in a hurry.

01:09:53There is no problem in that.

01:09:55If they want to do it in a month,

01:09:57you have to wait for a year.

01:09:59We don't know what will happen in a year.

01:10:01That year is better.

01:10:03To see each other.

01:10:05Exactly.

01:10:07You give your child for a lifetime.

01:10:09If someone can't live with you for a year,

01:10:11how will he live his life?

01:10:13Exactly.

01:10:15Give them some time.

01:10:17We want to get married soon.

01:10:19We want to get married soon.

01:10:21I request my parents.

01:10:23Marriage is the biggest part of life.

01:10:25But it is just a part.

01:10:27Life doesn't start or end on marriage.

01:10:29Life doesn't start or end on marriage.

01:10:31People go to buy a property.

01:10:33They go to buy a car.

01:10:35They do a lot of research.

01:10:37They do a lot of research.

01:10:39They do a lot of research.

01:10:41Give him a location,

01:10:43that what will happen.

01:10:45And sometimes we do get a match.

01:10:47We make it off quickly.

01:10:49Let me tell you.

01:10:51I was in the zone.

01:10:53My childremas cleared my mind.

01:10:55My childremas cleared my mind.

01:10:57I don't mind.

01:10:59There was a chance.

01:11:01When my children got married late,

01:11:03I though my daughter is

01:11:05an average age.

01:11:07I'll pass.

01:11:09So I said, I'll do it tomorrow, it started at 15, it started at 16.

01:11:14So my children cleared my mind, what you are saying now.

01:11:18That it doesn't happen that marriage is not everything,

01:11:21by seeing and understanding.

01:11:23When we understand marriage, then we will get married.

01:11:26And as a society, when we make a goal of a good marriage,

01:11:30and not just marriage,

01:11:32then this change will start coming,

01:11:34that there is quality in marriage too.

01:11:36And we have not seen this,

01:11:37because we have done compulsion, or haste, or tolerance,

01:11:41or compromise.

01:11:43Earlier I didn't know what the definition of marriage was.

01:11:47But when it was explained to me,

01:11:51when I heard about the maturity of people,

01:11:53then I came to know that the definition of marriage is

01:11:55to give peace to others.

01:11:57If a girl is coming to your house, then she will be a source of peace for you.

01:12:00If a man is coming in your life, then he will be a source of peace for you.

01:12:05Allah has made this relationship so that there is peace in each other's life.

01:12:09When there is no peace, when there is a burden,

01:12:13then there is no use of such a life.

01:12:15Allah has given us such a beautiful life.

01:12:18So compromises, you have to do it even when you are living with your parents.

01:12:23You have to share things with your siblings.

01:12:26In good and bad times, you have to support your parents.

01:12:29And you have to make your child your friend.

01:12:32It was our time, not yours.

01:12:34I will say what I think.

01:12:36Earlier there were no phones,

01:12:38there were no media.

01:12:41Now if you take all these things,

01:12:44whether it is shows or dramas,

01:12:46if you take them positively, then it is all awareness.

01:12:48Everyone is showing it, even the parents.

01:12:50And there are more divorces because awareness has increased.

01:12:54Absolutely.

01:12:56When we talk about ending marriage,

01:12:58there are two things.

01:13:00One is that your values are clashing.

01:13:04For example, I don't like one thing,

01:13:06my husband likes it.

01:13:08As we usually say, it takes time to adjust.

01:13:10Their home environment is very different.

01:13:12I am not like this.

01:13:14Differences start to arise there.

01:13:16How to do expenditure?

01:13:18How to parent children?

01:13:20These are all things that are managed.

01:13:22If you take counseling, as a couple problem is coming,

01:13:24as a family problem is coming,

01:13:26you cannot go to counseling.

01:13:28You have to sit with a sensible elder to mediate.

01:13:32All these things can be resolved with them.

01:13:36But if abuse is coming somewhere,

01:13:38and abuse is not just physical abuse,

01:13:40it is not just beating.

01:13:42If you are facing physical abuse,

01:13:44if you are facing financial abuse,

01:13:46and if you are facing emotional abuse.

01:13:50People do not understand emotional abuse.

01:13:54Please tell us in words,

01:13:56what is emotional abuse?

01:13:58It means that

01:14:00if my personality

01:14:02is being broken by the person in front of me,

01:14:04I am repeatedly feeling inferior,

01:14:08I am being humiliated for everything,

01:14:12I feel that I have no respect.

01:14:16Sometimes it happens that after marriage,

01:14:18especially I have seen girls,

01:14:20their confidence level

01:14:22becomes zero.

01:14:24Because your spouse

01:14:26has told you so much

01:14:28that you are zero.

01:14:30You are nothing.

01:14:32You do not know how to take care of children.

01:14:34You do not know how to take care of the house.

01:14:36You cannot satisfy me.

01:14:38Sometimes it happens that

01:14:40the person in front of you

01:14:42tells you that you are zero.

01:14:44And then you start understanding about yourself.

01:14:46He has accepted me.

01:14:48I am nothing.

01:14:50Exactly.

01:14:52And when these things start happening,

01:14:54along with time,

01:14:56emotional abuse starts happening in the relationship.

01:14:58And then you really become like that.

01:15:00You are not there,

01:15:02but when you are repeatedly given a message

01:15:04that you cannot do anything,

01:15:06you cannot make a roti properly,

01:15:08then after 5 years you will say

01:15:10that you cannot make a roti properly.

01:15:12You do not need to say that to anyone else.

01:15:14You yourself start understanding

01:15:16all those negative things about yourself.

01:15:18You need financial peace.

01:15:20You need social support

01:15:22of a person.

01:15:24And then you need emotional

01:15:26peace.

01:15:28The world is there to criticize you.

01:15:30Your in-laws

01:15:32have expectations from you

01:15:34that our daughter-in-law should do this or that.

01:15:36All that is justified.

01:15:38And if they are telling you

01:15:40that this is not done in our family.

01:15:42That is a different thing.

01:15:44But if your partner is repeatedly

01:15:46making you feel that

01:15:48you cannot do anything.

01:15:50Neither you know, nor you can do.

01:15:52Exactly.

01:15:54So that feeling is not healthy.

01:15:56It needs to be addressed.

01:15:58And if you feel that

01:16:00that person is repeatedly

01:16:02making you feel negative,

01:16:04then you should make a decision about yourself.

01:16:06And this is how it is.

01:16:08Children do not come to take care of her.

01:16:10Her child gets sick all the time.

01:16:12She does not have manners.

01:16:14She does not have manners.

01:16:16She keeps sleeping all the time.

01:16:18What is the condition of my house?

01:16:20I cannot even talk to you.

01:16:22Why should I come home?

01:16:24What will I do?

01:16:26And this is so common

01:16:28that people do not take it seriously.

01:16:30It is an emotional abuse.

01:16:32Abuse happens when it happens

01:16:34repeatedly.

01:16:36You need to address it.

01:16:38You need to talk about it.

01:16:40And then you see

01:16:42how you can make this marriage better.

01:16:44How can you make it rich?

01:16:46How can you make it better in this quality?

01:16:48And see, your children

01:16:50have a big impact from your marriage.

01:16:52Please remember this.

01:16:54Oh my God! I hear so many things.

01:16:56The good things that are happening

01:16:58is that if you want to see your children

01:17:00successful, then first of all

01:17:02give them a good marriage.

01:17:04That is, if the parents

01:17:06show a good healthy relationship,

01:17:08then automatically

01:17:10their confidence level will be here

01:17:12and they will be successful in life.

01:17:14We pray to Allah

01:17:16that may Allah make our children successful.

01:17:18But first, give them a successful

01:17:20married parents.

01:17:22Unfortunately,

01:17:24after the break, we will come

01:17:26and discuss

01:17:28how to make a good

01:17:30human being.

01:17:32If Allah has filled our lap,

01:17:34then how can we make him a good person?

01:17:36Good morning, Pakistan.

01:17:40Good morning, Pakistan.

01:17:48Yes, so the topic here is about fate.

01:17:50Sometimes, fate is very good.

01:17:52It is not so difficult

01:17:54but you get a good companion

01:17:56that your life gets settled.

01:17:58So, it is a game of fate

01:18:00but along with that,

01:18:02there is a big investigation

01:18:04to make relations.

01:18:06So, my next

01:18:08story is behind the curtain.

01:18:10Let me tell you.

01:18:12Who is with me?

01:18:14Can you please tell your name?

01:18:16My name is Anam Rafiq.

01:18:18Please speak a little louder.

01:18:20My name is Anam Rafiq.

01:18:22Today, I am here to tell you my story.

01:18:24My name is Anam Rafiq.

01:18:26Today, I am here to tell you my story.

01:18:28Today, I am here to tell you my story.

01:18:30Go ahead.

01:18:32I belong to a family

01:18:34of six siblings.

01:18:36It is a normal family.

01:18:38My mother was not

01:18:40very smart and intelligent.

01:18:42She was not very smart and intelligent.

01:18:44While doing this,

01:18:46I spoke to a relative of my mother.

01:18:48She spoke to me about our marriage.

01:18:50She liked our marriage.

01:18:52My mother liked it too.

01:18:54She praised us a lot.

01:18:56She said that we are very rich,

01:18:58beautiful, handsome.

01:19:00My mother was impressed.

01:19:02There were six other sisters.

01:19:04When we got married,

01:19:06I went to their house.

01:19:08When I went to their house,

01:19:10everything was fine for a week.

01:19:12I did not find out anything.

01:19:14After a few weeks,

01:19:16the boy started shouting and getting angry.

01:19:18I said that he is a new married businessman.

01:19:20There must be a problem.

01:19:22There must be a loss in the business.

01:19:24He might not be able to tell me anything.

01:19:26I did not even try to ask him.

01:19:28After a while,

01:19:30the fight got worse.

01:19:32Whatever he had in his hand,

01:19:34he used to go to the extent

01:19:36that he used to press my neck.

01:19:38He did not even look at the mirror.

01:19:40He did not look at anything.

01:19:42He used to hit me on my face.

01:19:44I did not say anything.

01:19:46After a while,

01:19:48I spoke to his parents.

01:19:50I asked them why they were doing this.

01:19:52They said that there is no problem.

01:19:54You must be feeling like this.

01:19:56He is not like this.

01:19:58You must be feeling like this.

01:20:00He is not like this.

01:20:02I told them that he tried to press my neck.

01:20:04He used to pick up a knife.

01:20:06He used to show me a knife while eating a fruit.

01:20:08I felt very bad.

01:20:10I spoke to my parents.

01:20:12At the beginning,

01:20:14I did not even talk to my mother.

01:20:16I told her that I am getting married.

01:20:18I have to settle down.

01:20:20I have six other sisters.

01:20:22I will tell my mother.

01:20:24The matter goes to anger.

01:20:26The matter goes to divorce.

01:20:28I told my mother that there is no problem.

01:20:30There is still time.

01:20:32Everything will be fine.

01:20:34As time passed,

01:20:36I found out that he was taking some medicines.

01:20:38He was taking some medicines.

01:20:40I asked his mother

01:20:42about the medicines.

01:20:44She said that he was not taking anything.

01:20:46When I saw his strips,

01:20:48it was written that

01:20:50he was mentally

01:20:52What does it mean?

01:20:54It means that

01:20:56he was mentally

01:20:58Not mentally.

01:21:00He was mentally.

01:21:02He was taking medicines for it.

01:21:04He was mental.

01:21:06I don't know

01:21:08what was the reason.

01:21:10We didn't even know.

01:21:12We just saw his business.

01:21:14He was good looking.

01:21:16We got him married.

01:21:18Now,

01:21:20And Alhamdulillah, I have a son, but he doesn't care at all that he has a son,

01:21:26his life is getting ruined, what is happening, nothing.

01:21:30His parents don't come to talk to him.

01:21:32Are you living with your husband?

01:21:33Yes, I am living with my husband.

01:21:36And now your life is miserable.

01:21:39I am living with him. What can I do?

01:21:42There are six other sisters behind me.

01:21:44My house got ruined, so it happened.

01:21:46Later in their relationship, things get ruined.

01:21:49You have a daughter, so it's obvious.

01:21:52People don't say anything to the boys or the girls,

01:21:55you directly point your finger at the girl.

01:21:57That's why I keep saying on my show,

01:21:59first educate the girls,

01:22:01make them stand on their own two feet,

01:22:03then get them married.

01:22:04Because in someone's life,

01:22:05even if you have six daughters, seven, eight,

01:22:08no matter how many, even if it's one,

01:22:10this can happen with someone's life too.

01:22:13This is what is called fate.

01:22:16They also say that marriage is a gamble.

01:22:19You don't know, no matter how much you investigate,

01:22:21and then this thing comes out,

01:22:23only he knows what is happening with him.

01:22:26So if she had stood on her feet,

01:22:28she wouldn't have been able to tolerate this toxic relationship.

01:22:32Today she thinks that after six sisters,

01:22:35if I also take my children and sit at home,

01:22:38then it will be a burden on my parents,

01:22:40and then I don't know for how long

01:22:42she keeps on carrying this weight.

01:22:44These days on the internet,

01:22:47you will see that there is a very common thing,

01:22:50there is a frog,

01:22:51it has this nature,

01:22:54that whatever the temperature is,

01:22:56according to that, it changes its body temperature.

01:23:00Because God has given it a nature.

01:23:02So if you put the frog on the stove,

01:23:04and start boiling water,

01:23:06then as the water temperature increases,

01:23:08it will manage its temperature accordingly.

01:23:11But when the water is boiling,

01:23:14and it will not be able to manage its temperature accordingly,

01:23:18then it will think that I should jump from there.

01:23:22But till that time,

01:23:23while tolerating it,

01:23:25it doesn't have so much energy

01:23:27that it can even jump.

01:23:29All its energy,

01:23:31with that temperature,

01:23:33to balance itself,

01:23:35is finished.

01:23:36Meaning,

01:23:37the energy has already died.

01:23:39So what happens?

01:23:40It can't jump.

01:23:41And it also burns in that water and dies.

01:23:44In the same way,

01:23:45our lives have also come.

01:23:47We say, leave it,

01:23:48tolerate it, tolerate it.

01:23:50While tolerating,

01:23:51our level becomes so low,

01:23:55that we don't have the courage.

01:23:57And we break.

01:23:58We finish.

01:23:59God has given life once.

01:24:02How to spend that life well,

01:24:05tolerating cruelty is also a big sin.

01:24:08So what to do at what time?

01:24:10Timing is the game of life.

01:24:12No matter how educated you are,

01:24:14no matter how successful you are,

01:24:16no matter how famous you are,

01:24:18if you haven't spent your life in the right timing,

01:24:21then you have spent your life well.

01:24:23Thank you so much Neelam.

01:24:25Thank you so much Mr. Malina.

01:24:27So,

01:24:28we will only tell you

01:24:30that what decision to make at what time,

01:24:33if you decide,

01:24:35then you can spend your life very well.

01:24:37And the aim of this show was that

01:24:40just for the sake of fixing a marriage,

01:24:44for the sake of marriage,

01:24:46don't ruin your life.

01:24:48Sometimes,

01:24:49living in parents' house,

01:24:50you spend your life better.

01:24:52Isn't it?

01:24:53Absolutely.

01:24:54So make the right decision.

01:24:56And awareness about things

01:24:58is very important in today's world.

01:25:00Good morning Pakistan.

01:25:01Allah Hafiz.

Good Morning Pakistan | 30 May 2024 | ARY Digital

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