Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)
A Southern California girl befriends three furry aliens after their spaceship lands in her swimming pool.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00 [MUSIC]
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00:01:22 [MUSIC]
00:01:32 >> What the hell?
00:01:36 [MUSIC]
00:01:37 >> Mock.
00:01:38 [MUSIC]
00:01:49 [MUSIC]
00:01:53 >> What now, Whiplock?
00:01:54 [MUSIC]
00:01:56 >> He's after Sid.
00:01:57 [MUSIC]
00:02:05 >> Let's get out of here.
00:02:06 [MUSIC]
00:02:11 >> Hark!
00:02:12 [MUSIC]
00:02:23 [MUSIC]
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00:04:53 [MUSIC]
00:04:59 >> Hi, honey.
00:05:00 [SOUND]
00:05:03 I'm home.
00:05:04 >> No, Ted, wait.
00:05:05 You're not supposed to see me in this before the wedding.
00:05:08 It's bad luck.
00:05:10 >> Don't worry about it.
00:05:11 I mean, sweetheart, it's just some stupid superstition anyway.
00:05:17 >> Yeah, you're right.
00:05:19 We met on Friday the 13th, and look how happy we are.
00:05:23 So, Ted?
00:05:24 >> What happened?
00:05:25 You said 11 o'clock.
00:05:26 >> I'm sorry, Val.
00:05:28 It's just blood and guts night at the old emergency room.
00:05:33 >> Again?
00:05:35 Gee, I wish you'd called me.
00:05:37 >> I would have, but, you know, five minutes on the phone,
00:05:41 and that could cost a life, you know.
00:05:45 >> I'm ready, Teddy.
00:05:51 >> Oh, what a day.
00:06:02 I was fluffing it for you.
00:06:16 >> Sweetheart, could you hit the light, please?
00:06:28 >> Teddy, look what I found.
00:06:32 >> I'm sorry.
00:06:33 I have to take out a golf player first thing in the morning.
00:06:37 Tomorrow.
00:06:38 I promise.
00:06:39 >> No, I won't be here tomorrow night.
00:06:40 I'll be at the nail expo.
00:06:42 >> What?
00:06:43 >> The cuticle convention, remember?
00:06:44 I'll be gone till Monday.
00:06:46 >> All right.
00:06:47 Well, Monday, then.
00:06:48 I promise.
00:06:54 >> You know, I was reading an ad for these pyramids that you can get
00:06:57 and put over the bed, and they're supposed to increase sexual energy.
00:07:00 I thought we could --
00:07:01 >> Belle.
00:07:02 >> Please.
00:07:04 >> I'm sorry.
00:07:05 >> Good night, sweetheart.
00:07:06 >> Good night.
00:07:15 >> K-Earth 101, Southland weather, another gorgeous day in L.A.,
00:07:18 sunny and warm, 86 degrees in Malibu, 94 in the Valley, 88 in Hollywood.
00:07:22 That's K-Earth 101 news.
00:07:24 I'm Claudia Marshall.
00:07:26 [ Music ]
00:07:54 >> Hi, Miss Lana.
00:07:55 Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:07:57 I missed our appointment.
00:07:59 >> You look so great.
00:08:01 That's a great outfit.
00:08:02 >> Thank you.
00:08:04 That door is a real bitch.
00:08:06 >> Hi, Belle.
00:08:07 >> Morning.
00:08:13 Wow.
00:08:14 >> Yeah.
00:08:15 >> You need a pill.
00:08:17 >> Morning, all.
00:08:18 >> Morning.
00:08:20 >> You better have a note from your mother, young lady.
00:08:27 >> I don't know.
00:08:28 Just not that turned on by her lately.
00:08:31 >> I hear oysters are good for potency.
00:08:34 >> Yeah, I tried that once, but they kept slipping off.
00:08:38 If I was any more potent, I'd kill somebody.
00:08:41 >> Oh, Robbie.
00:08:42 >> No, no, no.
00:08:44 >> I gave this cute little nurse a ride home the other night, right?
00:08:47 >> Yeah, yeah, and?
00:08:49 >> And nothing.
00:08:50 I'm getting married next month.
00:08:52 >> And why are you so tardy, young lady?
00:08:55 >> Oh, I was up for a late last night with Ted.
00:08:57 >> Oh, Dr. Doolittle finally came through, huh?
00:09:00 >> No, he was dead on arrival.
00:09:02 >> Again?
00:09:03 Sanka?
00:09:05 >> Sure.
00:09:06 You know, at the rate we've been having sex, we might as well be married already.
00:09:10 >> What's it been, like a week?
00:09:12 >> Two weeks.
00:09:16 >> Valerie.
00:09:17 >> Ted is obviously a victim of PMS.
00:09:20 >> What?
00:09:21 >> Premarital stress.
00:09:23 >> Oh.
00:09:24 Well, what'll snap him out of it?
00:09:26 >> A new woman.
00:09:27 >> Thanks.
00:09:29 >> Wait.
00:09:30 That's it.
00:09:31 We'll make you a new woman.
00:09:32 Oh, this is great.
00:09:33 This is totally fabulous.
00:09:34 Watch this.
00:09:35 Okay, let's see how you look on the makeover machine.
00:09:38 Oh, housewife from hell.
00:09:41 Matron on drugs.
00:09:43 Look at that.
00:09:44 That's it.
00:09:45 We'll make you blonde with blue eyes.
00:09:48 >> I don't know.
00:09:49 Maybe when I get back from the nail--
00:09:51 >> No, skip the expo.
00:09:52 Stay home and ambush Ted.
00:09:54 >> What if he doesn't like it?
00:09:56 >> At this point, what have you got to lose?
00:09:59 >> Oh, I don't know.
00:10:01 >> Hey, come on, everybody.
00:10:03 We're doing a makeover.
00:10:04 [screaming]
00:10:10 >> A perm.
00:10:11 >> A perm.
00:10:12 >> A butch.
00:10:13 >> A butch.
00:10:14 >> A facial.
00:10:15 >> A facial.
00:10:16 >> A body wrap.
00:10:17 >> A body wrap.
00:10:18 >> Gravel scrub.
00:10:19 >> A gravel scrub.
00:10:20 >> Bikini wax.
00:10:21 >> Bikini wax.
00:10:22 >> A ball.
00:10:24 We'll do it all.
00:10:25 >> All right!
00:10:27 [music]
00:10:37 >> It's time to face the music.
00:10:39 It's time to make it see.
00:10:41 The root of all your problems is that you don't look like me.
00:10:45 Now this is gonna hurt you, but I just gotta say,
00:10:49 you're not lost or in the way 'cause you look like Doris Day.
00:10:53 Who's the one that can't resist a brand-new girl?
00:10:57 Who's on the most wanted list, a brand-new girl?
00:11:01 Honey, if you fix her mask, guaranteed he'll get a rise.
00:11:05 Believe that you can be a brand-new, brand-new, brand-new,
00:11:10 brand-new, brand-new, brand-new, brand-new girl.
00:11:15 [music]
00:11:25 You're cute and fresh and wholesome, but science has a cure.
00:11:29 The natural look is nowhere, your hair just knows for sure.
00:11:33 You gotta learn the art of teasing, change your repertoire.
00:11:37 All you need's a little faith, that's all you need for your bra.
00:11:42 [music]
00:11:46 If you wanna be a femme fatale, you can't rest on your laurels.
00:11:50 You know, I think she might be right.
00:11:52 Grab the bleach, she's seen the light.
00:11:54 [screaming]
00:11:56 Maybelline, ooh, headline.
00:11:59 [screaming]
00:12:00 Rubbermaid, mm, talk to me, Max Tactic.
00:12:04 Who's the one they can't resist? A brand new girl! (Brand new!)
00:12:08 Who's on the most wanted list? A brand new girl!
00:12:12 Honey, if you fix an eyes, Guaranteed you'll get a rise!
00:12:16 Believe that you can be a brand new...
00:12:19 Brand new! (x4)
00:12:24 Brand new girl!
00:12:33 Girl!
00:12:34 Hello, Dr. Gallagher.
00:12:42 Surprised?
00:12:44 Yes.
00:12:46 It's me.
00:12:49 Dr. Gallagher, why are you looking at me like that?
00:12:55 You want to do what?
00:13:00 Oh, no, no, I couldn't.
00:13:03 No, no, please, stop, no, no.
00:13:08 Alright.
00:13:12 Okay, let's see.
00:13:17 Now, champagne, flowers, sushi, feathers,
00:13:25 sensual oil, right, and incense, or, let's see,
00:13:32 sprinkle a light bulb with your favorite perfume
00:13:35 to sensualize the atmosphere of your love trap.
00:13:39 Oh!
00:13:52 Oh, no!
00:13:55 Oh, God, he's here!
00:13:57 Well, this is where we live.
00:14:15 We?
00:14:17 Yeah, you know, me and the cat.
00:14:21 Bambi.
00:14:24 Just make yourself at home, alright?
00:14:31 (cat meows)
00:14:33 How to drive a man crazy.
00:14:55 (water splashes)
00:14:57 (screams)
00:15:01 Eat me, I'm a cook!
00:15:03 (screams)
00:15:04 (gasps)
00:15:05 I'm sorry, I'm so embarrassed.
00:15:07 I didn't know Ted had company.
00:15:09 I'm Valerie, I don't usually dress like this.
00:15:12 Here comes Dr. Love.
00:15:16 (laughs)
00:15:19 (laughs)
00:15:20 (laughs)
00:15:21 (laughs)
00:15:23 Alright, Robin, a pileup.
00:15:26 Who's your friend?
00:15:28 Shit, Val.
00:15:31 Ted, what are you doing?
00:15:33 Gee, nothing.
00:15:35 What is going on here?
00:15:37 You brought a girl home to have sex?
00:15:39 Well, you weren't supposed to be here, Val.
00:15:41 You were gonna have sex without me?
00:15:43 Oh, no, of course not.
00:15:45 Look, I don't know what you two had in mind,
00:15:47 but I'm really not into kinky scenes.
00:15:50 Bye.
00:15:52 Gee, Val, you look incredible.
00:15:54 Hey, you know, hey, honey,
00:15:55 she doesn't mean a thing to me, really.
00:15:57 If meaningless sex is what you want,
00:15:59 why can't you have it with me?
00:16:01 Alright, I'm sorry, I made a stupid mistake.
00:16:03 Hey, you know, I thought I wanted the last fling,
00:16:06 that's all.
00:16:07 You can't expect me to be more evolved
00:16:09 than I really am.
00:16:10 Evolved?
00:16:11 I'll show you evolved.
00:16:13 Wait a minute, wait a minute, Val.
00:16:15 No, no, no, don't do that.
00:16:16 Now, that's very dangerous.
00:16:17 Hey, cut it, Val!
00:16:19 Cut it, Val, stop it!
00:16:20 Cut it out!
00:16:22 Val!
00:16:24 Come on!
00:16:26 The neighbors are watching!
00:16:28 Val, open up!
00:16:31 Sweetheart, open the door!
00:16:33 You're wanted in an emergency, Dr. Love.
00:16:36 Val, you can't do this to me, I'm a doctor!
00:16:39 Here, take these with you, Dr. Love.
00:16:47 And don't come back!
00:16:49 Ted!
00:16:58 Ted, where are you going?
00:17:06 Go to bed, Mrs. Mertens!
00:17:16 Ted!
00:17:18 Ted!
00:17:20 You're a liar and it took me forever
00:17:24 To figure that out
00:17:27 You could switch on and smile
00:17:32 Pretend to be tender
00:17:35 But I know now what you're all about
00:17:39 What a nutsmell
00:17:41 My friends thought you were a dream
00:17:47 You could switch on and smile
00:17:51 And seem so sincere
00:17:54 But you don't even know what that means
00:17:58 I don't think you'll ever understand
00:18:02 Did cheating on me make you feel like a man?
00:18:07 I used to worship the ground you walked on
00:18:11 I did everything you wanted me to
00:18:16 I used to worship the ground you walked on
00:18:21 Now I've lost my faith in you
00:18:25 Sunday morning, I wake up
00:18:38 Lying there watching you sleep
00:18:42 It was almost religious
00:18:47 How I believed in you
00:18:50 It hurt when you destroyed my dreams
00:18:54 I don't think you'll ever understand
00:18:58 Did cheating on me make you feel like a man?
00:19:03 I used to worship the ground you walked on
00:19:07 I did everything you wanted me to
00:19:12 I used to worship the ground you walked on
00:19:17 Now I've lost my faith in you
00:19:21 Oh, I've lost my faith in you
00:19:26 I used to worship the ground you walked on
00:19:41 I didn't think I'd get far without you
00:19:45 Now I don't worship the ground you walked on
00:19:51 And I'm stronger than I knew
00:19:55 I'm stronger than you
00:19:59 Come here, you!
00:20:09 No, doctor! What about your wife?
00:20:11 She's in a coma. You're not!
00:20:14 John?
00:20:20 John?
00:20:23 [sobbing]
00:20:26 You weasel dick!
00:20:28 [phone rings]
00:20:32 Hello?
00:20:34 Oh, Candy, the worst thing in the world happened.
00:20:38 No, Bambi's fine. It's Ted.
00:20:42 Yeah, the blonde thing did not work.
00:20:45 It's the show that shows the ins and outs
00:20:48 of the Southern California fitness craze.
00:20:50 Let's face it, inner beauty is for losers.
00:20:53 It's bodies like these that get all the attention.
00:20:56 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:20:58 [screaming]
00:21:18 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:21 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:24 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:26 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:35 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:37 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:39 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:41 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:43 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:45 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:51 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:53 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:55 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:21:59 [laughing]
00:22:01 [laughing]
00:22:03 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:22:05 [screaming]
00:22:13 [screaming]
00:22:17 [screaming]
00:22:19 [laughing]
00:22:25 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:22:31 [screaming]
00:22:33 [screaming]
00:22:45 [screaming]
00:22:47 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:22:51 [screaming]
00:22:59 [screaming]
00:23:06 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:23:14 [screaming]
00:23:16 [screaming]
00:23:45 [screaming]
00:23:47 Oh, great.
00:23:56 Oh, this is too good.
00:24:01 There's a giant blow dryer in my pool.
00:24:04 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:24:13 Oh, shit.
00:24:15 God damn it, Ted, you're not gonna control my mind when you're not here.
00:24:18 Okay, now...
00:24:20 Just to release all this negative energy out into the universe,
00:24:25 you're just gonna swim right through it.
00:24:29 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:24:41 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:24:43 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:24:48 [dramatic music]
00:25:14 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:25:16 [screaming]
00:25:42 [screaming]
00:25:44 What is this?
00:25:50 What's going on here?
00:25:52 This isn't what it looks like.
00:25:54 Is it?
00:25:55 Is it?
00:25:56 Is it?
00:25:57 Oh, my God, it is.
00:25:59 It's a spaceship.
00:26:01 Oh, life things were bad enough.
00:26:03 Now I've been abducted by a UFO.
00:26:05 Now, you guys, you're just gonna do some little experiments on me
00:26:09 and then let me go like in the National Enquirer, right?
00:26:13 Right.
00:26:14 Right.
00:26:15 Right?
00:26:16 Oh.
00:26:17 Oh.
00:26:18 Okay, okay.
00:26:21 Just don't take out anything I'm gonna need later.
00:26:23 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:26:26 Stop.
00:26:29 Come on, come on, get it over with and then let me go, okay?
00:26:32 I don't know why you've abducted me anyway.
00:26:38 I mean, I'm sure you're looking for somebody much more important,
00:26:40 you know, like Nancy Reagan.
00:26:42 Nancy Reagan.
00:26:43 Really, if you let me go, I'll tell you where to find her because,
00:26:46 see, I'm just a manicurist.
00:26:48 I don't know anything about anything except nails.
00:26:51 You know, nails?
00:26:53 Nails.
00:26:54 Nips.
00:26:55 Really, I can keep my mouth shut.
00:27:01 I mean, I'm the kind of person that you can tell anything to and I would never tell.
00:27:04 Ask my cousin Debbie.
00:27:06 She got, like, her boobs done and I never told anyone.
00:27:09 Oh, except I just told you.
00:27:12 Oh, my God.
00:27:17 You're an alien.
00:27:19 [howling]
00:27:21 Zeebo.
00:27:26 Is that your name?
00:27:29 Zeebo?
00:27:30 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:27:35 Hi.
00:27:36 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:27:38 Maybe I'll just call you Mac.
00:27:40 How's that?
00:27:41 Oh, and I'm, uh, Valerie.
00:27:43 Valerie.
00:27:44 Valerie.
00:27:45 Valarie.
00:27:46 You guys aren't going to hurt me, are you?
00:27:49 Your planet is weird.
00:27:54 We're still in my pool.
00:27:57 Oh.
00:27:59 Oh.
00:28:00 Well, listen, it was really nice meeting you fellas, but, uh,
00:28:04 I have to go.
00:28:05 And feel free to use the pool, really, but you've caught me at sort of a bad time.
00:28:10 Oh, no!
00:28:11 [screaming]
00:28:13 Did I do that?
00:28:28 I bled myself.
00:28:30 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:28:31 I'm so embarrassed.
00:28:32 I'm really, really sorry, you guys, but I'm sure you can fix it, right?
00:28:36 No, we're done a pop.
00:28:38 Don't freak out.
00:28:40 Really, this is just like the time that I dropped my lady stick in the toilet.
00:28:44 It's really, as soon as it dried out, it worked fine.
00:28:47 Really.
00:28:49 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:28:51 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:28:52 [speaking in a foreign language]
00:28:53 That's the right laugh.
00:28:54 [laughing]
00:28:55 Let's go in my house, and I'll make some lunch, and I'll get the pool drained,
00:29:00 and then you guys can take off, you know?
00:29:03 Back to your planet.
00:29:05 Last stop.
00:29:06 Bye-bye, bye-bye.
00:29:08 Comprende?
00:29:10 Comprende?
00:29:11 Comprende?
00:29:13 Comprende.
00:29:28 Oh, be careful.
00:29:30 This ladder's a little loose.
00:29:32 Oh, I'm glad you can breathe okay.
00:29:35 The air quality is actually very good today.
00:29:37 [coughing]
00:29:40 Careful.
00:29:41 It's kind of wet.
00:29:43 Okay?
00:29:49 Well, come on.
00:29:51 Let's go in the house.
00:29:53 This way.
00:29:57 [birds chirping]
00:29:59 Those are lemons, you know, lemonade, lemon flesh.
00:30:03 It's okay, it's a sprinkler.
00:30:06 Listen, first people are going to freak out if they see you.
00:30:10 No offense, but you do look kind of like Wookiees or werewolves or something,
00:30:13 and people hate that.
00:30:15 I mean, they're going to want to shoot you or something, so just be cool, okay?
00:30:19 [bell ringing]
00:30:21 Let's go inside.
00:30:24 Come on, come on.
00:30:26 What's going on in my horoscope today?
00:30:29 Well, this is my house.
00:30:36 Um, sorry about the mess.
00:30:39 Make yourselves at home.
00:30:41 [knocking]
00:30:47 [beeping]
00:30:50 Hi, this is Valerie Gale.
00:30:53 Could you send Woody over to drain my pool?
00:30:56 Yeah, right away. It's an emergency.
00:30:58 [whimpering]
00:31:00 [meowing]
00:31:02 On, on, on, on.
00:31:04 [meowing]
00:31:06 [meowing]
00:31:07 [meowing]
00:31:08 Wow.
00:31:14 I've never seen her do that before.
00:31:16 What is that?
00:31:17 Some kind of glove touch?
00:31:20 Ski-wah.
00:31:22 Difficult to do, ski-wah.
00:31:24 Oh, hi, yeah.
00:31:26 Listen, this is a matter of life and death.
00:31:28 See, I lost my contact lens in the pool and--
00:31:30 No, no, it's got to be Woody.
00:31:32 He found it the last time.
00:31:34 Hey, those are tench fish!
00:31:37 Thanks.
00:31:38 No, no, no, no.
00:31:40 Not food.
00:31:42 Not food.
00:31:44 Let's see.
00:31:47 Oh, not much here.
00:31:49 I didn't expect that,
00:31:50 but you're having aliens for lunch.
00:31:52 Oh, look, locale pop-tarts.
00:31:54 These are natural.
00:31:56 Great.
00:31:59 I need no mob.
00:32:02 Ah.
00:32:04 Okay, we have an entree.
00:32:06 Now, what else?
00:32:07 Timber.
00:32:08 Timber, timber.
00:32:10 Uh, instant pudding.
00:32:12 Add water.
00:32:13 Hmm, too much work.
00:32:15 Oh, spray-on cheese.
00:32:16 This is great.
00:32:19 You have eggs on your planet?
00:32:21 I could cook those for you.
00:32:25 You--
00:32:28 This is wonderful.
00:32:38 Oh, baby.
00:32:40 Oh, whiplash.
00:33:02 No, no, no.
00:33:03 Not there.
00:33:04 No.
00:33:05 Come with me.
00:33:08 Okay, so you go in there.
00:33:11 No, no.
00:33:14 Come here.
00:33:15 No.
00:33:16 You go in there.
00:33:18 Go in there?
00:33:20 Yeah.
00:33:21 And then you flush.
00:33:23 Oh, no.
00:33:35 Oh, no.
00:33:37 Oh, my God.
00:34:03 What is here?
00:34:04 Whatever you do, just stay inside.
00:34:06 [sizzling]
00:34:09 [music]
00:34:12 [music]
00:34:15 [music]
00:34:18 [music]
00:34:20 (water splashing)
00:34:22 (upbeat music)
00:34:25 (horse neighing)
00:34:52 (horse galloping)
00:34:55 (horse neighing)
00:34:56 (horse neighing)
00:34:57 (singing in foreign language)
00:35:01 - You are Americans.
00:35:08 You're the product of the freest society.
00:35:10 (chicken clucking)
00:35:13 - You're tearing me apart!
00:35:16 You say one thing, he says another,
00:35:18 and everybody changes.
00:35:19 - New car, new car!
00:35:21 (horse neighing)
00:35:23 ♪ Take a mind excursionist ♪
00:35:28 - Hey, how's it going?
00:35:29 - Hey, Woody.
00:35:32 - What's that you're sitting on?
00:35:34 Some kind of a giant boogie board?
00:35:35 - No, it's my new pool patio.
00:35:37 Bitchin', huh?
00:35:39 - It's pretty rad.
00:35:40 (horse neighing)
00:35:41 (laughing)
00:35:42 Shoot the curl, kitty.
00:35:43 Those little guys love the water, don't they?
00:35:49 - Hey, this is Valerie.
00:35:50 How come you want your pool drained?
00:35:52 - How come?
00:35:53 I don't know, you know,
00:35:55 the water just seems really stale or something.
00:35:58 - I've seen a lot of that.
00:36:00 - So, how long is this gonna take?
00:36:02 - Oh, about a day.
00:36:05 Whoa, check out the sets, man.
00:36:10 About six inches tall, I'd be out there right now.
00:36:13 They were pumping like that this morning.
00:36:16 - I don't believe you.
00:36:17 - No, for real.
00:36:18 And I was just getting barreled in this totally cool tube.
00:36:22 I had just sex waxed my board, really preem.
00:36:25 Some hot dog shoots his board, hits me right in the head.
00:36:28 Look at that.
00:36:29 - This is the worst.
00:36:31 - Yeah, it would have been the ride of the decade, too.
00:36:34 - Well, what am I supposed to do until tomorrow?
00:36:37 - Waste your brain, wax your board, pray for waves.
00:36:42 (whistling)
00:36:48 (speaking in foreign language)
00:36:51 - Try this.
00:36:54 What'll it be?
00:36:55 - Hmm, what'll it be?
00:36:57 - Come on, we haven't got all night.
00:36:58 Try it.
00:36:59 Nice, make me the last compola bear eater on a double.
00:37:02 Come on, come on.
00:37:03 We'll make our own music, gorgeous.
00:37:05 You and you stay.
00:37:07 Tubby, you go rest your thumbs.
00:37:09 I'll drive.
00:37:10 Now watch, baby.
00:37:11 Every move a picture.
00:37:12 (piano music)
00:37:15 (phone ringing)
00:37:18 - Is there a doctor in the house?
00:37:22 Oh, not right now.
00:37:24 Leave a message when you hear the beep.
00:37:26 (beep)
00:37:28 Valerie?
00:37:29 Are you there?
00:37:30 Please pick up.
00:37:31 I need to talk to you.
00:37:33 I'm sorry I was such an asshole.
00:37:36 Val, you've got to believe this.
00:37:39 I've never, ever been unfaithful to you, ever.
00:37:42 I'm only guilty of a little kissy face with one nurse.
00:37:44 I swear.
00:37:46 Oh, sweetheart, you stopped me
00:37:47 from making the biggest mistake of my life last night.
00:37:50 Val, I'm so sorry.
00:37:52 Please forgive me.
00:37:54 I'll see you when I get home.
00:37:55 Bye.
00:37:56 - Come back to Finland.
00:38:03 Come back to winter all year round.
00:38:06 - Come back to polkas and goat's cheek.
00:38:09 Finland knows what you want.
00:38:13 (singing in foreign language)
00:38:17 - Okay, well, we're all set.
00:38:29 - Finland is here?
00:38:32 - Finland?
00:38:33 No, this is the valley.
00:38:34 Finland is the capital of Norway.
00:38:36 God, you guys sure learn fast.
00:38:38 - I'm sorry I was such an asshole.
00:38:40 - Oh, I see you found the cable station.
00:38:43 - Valerie, are you there?
00:38:45 Please pick up.
00:38:47 - Did Ted call?
00:38:48 - I'll be over right after work tonight, okay, honey?
00:38:52 Bye.
00:38:52 - Oh my God, what am I gonna do?
00:38:54 Oh, Ted is like a trained doctor.
00:38:56 One look at you guys and he's gonna know you're not local.
00:38:59 Oh, wow.
00:39:02 Finally had about a zillion gallons of nair.
00:39:05 - Nair. - Nair.
00:39:06 - Nair.
00:39:09 ♪ I'm a sex pixie ♪
00:39:12 ♪ Style, okay ♪
00:39:13 (singing in foreign language)
00:39:17 - Candy, whatever you do, don't freak out.
00:39:31 - Valerie!
00:39:32 - I mean it, don't freak out.
00:39:33 Promise me you will not freak out.
00:39:34 - Stop it, you are freaking me out!
00:39:36 - Okay, okay, okay.
00:39:37 Oh my God.
00:39:38 A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me,
00:39:42 but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts
00:39:44 and they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight,
00:39:46 so you've got to cut their hair.
00:39:47 - What did you say?
00:39:48 - Oh, nothing, I'm on drugs.
00:39:50 Candy, you gotta help them out.
00:39:53 - Would you listen to yourself?
00:39:55 Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself
00:39:58 in this state over.
00:40:00 Mel Gibson maybe, but not Ted.
00:40:03 Valerie, come here.
00:40:04 Just sit down, honey.
00:40:07 Relax, have a mental margarita.
00:40:09 - Candy, okay, now I'm gonna show you something
00:40:11 that's gonna totally change your life
00:40:12 completely forever, okay?
00:40:14 - Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.
00:40:17 You got little alien house guests, let's see 'em.
00:40:25 (mysterious music)
00:40:29 (coughing)
00:40:30 - Shut up, Valerie!
00:40:31 Those are aliens!
00:40:32 - I told you.
00:40:33 - Oh God!
00:40:36 Oh shit!
00:40:37 Valerie, Valerie!
00:40:38 Those are big aliens!
00:40:42 What do they want from us?
00:40:44 What do you want from us?
00:40:46 Did they take control of your brain?
00:40:48 - Oh, I don't think so.
00:40:50 - Can they talk?
00:40:52 - What'll it be?
00:40:54 - A tall, defrozen galagia.
00:40:55 - My panty shields make me feel fresh all day.
00:40:58 - Are they straight?
00:41:00 I don't know, they're aliens.
00:41:02 - This is Mac, and this is Zebo, and this is Whitlock.
00:41:07 (coughing)
00:41:09 - Well, they're just darling.
00:41:11 Get 'em outta here.
00:41:12 - They can't leave until the pool is drained.
00:41:15 And you know Ted, I mean, if he finds out they're aliens,
00:41:17 he's gonna wanna call Washington
00:41:19 or dissect them or something.
00:41:20 I mean, I think we could just make them
00:41:22 look more sorta human.
00:41:24 - Yeah, I thought you never wanted to see Ted again.
00:41:26 - I don't, I just wanna talk to him.
00:41:28 - Valerie, this is insane.
00:41:32 - Oh, God, they're like throwing up on my stuff.
00:41:34 - Come on, Candy.
00:41:35 - All I see is split ends are universal.
00:41:41 Lost in space with no conditioner, huh?
00:41:47 - I think they've been up there a long time.
00:41:50 (groaning)
00:41:53 - Well, it's all dead, it's gotta come off.
00:41:55 - Can you do it?
00:41:56 - Does Tina Turner wear a wig?
00:41:58 - That's a wig?
00:41:59 - That's a wig.
00:42:00 - Great.
00:42:01 - Oh, thanks, it's got spit on it.
00:42:03 - I'll get some clothes.
00:42:04 - But if I find one flea, the deal's off.
00:42:06 Okay, Val, are you ready?
00:42:10 I think they're almost done.
00:42:12 Okay, with the big red one,
00:42:13 I went for the blonde surfer look.
00:42:15 - Whoa, which one is that?
00:42:21 - Lip lock.
00:42:24 We are human now.
00:42:25 - I don't believe it, he's even cute.
00:42:28 - I know, bitchin', huh?
00:42:30 (upbeat music)
00:42:32 - Val, you won't believe this.
00:42:35 Okay.
00:42:36 Surprise.
00:42:38 - Is that Z-Ball?
00:42:45 - Oh my God, you're like totally black.
00:42:47 (laughing)
00:42:51 - Okay, and behind door number three,
00:42:54 this is the ultimate.
00:42:57 (upbeat music)
00:42:59 - Wow.
00:43:07 You're incredible.
00:43:12 - Well, it was easy.
00:43:17 You know, I started on poodles.
00:43:19 - Good?
00:43:21 - Real good.
00:43:23 (laughing)
00:43:27 - Okay, okay, group picture, come on, come on.
00:43:30 Get down there.
00:43:31 All right.
00:43:36 Now say, "Velveta slices."
00:43:38 - Slice, slice, slice.
00:43:40 - Velveeta.
00:43:41 - Don't sleep.
00:43:42 - Okay, you guys, what's the plan for tonight?
00:43:46 - Whoa, Candy, reality check.
00:43:48 We can't go out with these guys, they're aliens.
00:43:51 - So?
00:43:52 They can still be dates.
00:43:53 - Do you guys have margaritas on your planet?
00:43:56 - Candy, it's just not safe.
00:43:57 I'll give you a lift home and that's it.
00:43:59 - Don't get your panties in a bunch.
00:44:01 But with three major cute guys, it's Saturday night.
00:44:04 Come on.
00:44:05 (upbeat music)
00:44:07 You guys are so lucky you crashed in the valley.
00:44:16 I mean, it's the baddest place on earth.
00:44:18 (upbeat music)
00:44:20 - Candy, sit down.
00:44:28 Come on, sweetie.
00:44:32 I think you'd like to keep a low profile, Candy.
00:44:36 Guys, what you doing later?
00:44:38 - You know, I never would have believed
00:44:43 that this could happen.
00:44:45 - What, you'd be cruising the boulevard
00:44:46 in a shape Marshall would?
00:44:48 - No, that Ted would do this to men, boy.
00:44:52 Give 'em enough rope and they'll dig their own grave.
00:44:54 - So true.
00:44:55 - He said he wanted one last fling.
00:44:58 Maybe that's normal, I don't know.
00:45:01 And I'm sure we'll be happy once we're married,
00:45:02 but I just can't pretend like this didn't happen, you know?
00:45:06 - Valerie, you worked so hard to make Ted happy.
00:45:09 Who is making you happy?
00:45:11 (upbeat music)
00:45:13 (crowd cheering)
00:45:16 - Dylan, babes.
00:45:22 (singing)
00:45:24 - Hey, Disney World of Bad Boys, hi.
00:45:28 - Bad Boys, hi.
00:45:30 Aren't you Terry Hefner's brother?
00:45:32 - Terry Hefner's brother?
00:45:34 (laughing)
00:45:35 - Someone ought to hose those girls down.
00:45:37 - Wanna party?
00:45:39 - Wanna party?
00:45:40 (screaming)
00:45:42 (upbeat music)
00:45:45 - Look, there they are.
00:45:54 Okay, don't worry, I'll go get 'em.
00:46:00 - Me too.
00:46:01 - Me too too.
00:46:03 - Wait, I don't think we all should go.
00:46:04 - Oh, it's only gonna take a minute.
00:46:11 - Come on, you guys, what are you doing?
00:46:14 ♪ When I need something to help me unwind ♪
00:46:24 ♪ I find a six feet baby with a one track mind ♪
00:46:28 ♪ My parents are nowhere, they make a man ♪
00:46:31 ♪ He need a moron with talent ♪
00:46:35 - Where did you buy those?
00:46:36 - They're my dad's.
00:46:38 - Those are fabulous.
00:46:39 - I know.
00:46:40 ♪ Love till we're done and they're out of my home ♪
00:46:45 ♪ I like the big ass, stupid ♪
00:46:49 ♪ I like the big ass, ripped up ♪
00:46:52 ♪ I like the big ass, stupid ♪
00:46:56 ♪ What kind of guy does a lot for me ♪
00:47:03 ♪ Superman with a lot of money ♪
00:47:06 ♪ My father's out of Harvard ♪
00:47:08 ♪ My brother's out of Yale ♪
00:47:10 ♪ 'Cause I got home last night, just got out of jail ♪
00:47:14 - Ellery, hi, over here.
00:47:16 - Andy, are you nuts?
00:47:19 What are you doing?
00:47:21 - Having cocktails.
00:47:22 - Alaskan polar bear heater.
00:47:26 - We have to take a break.
00:47:27 Ted is coming home tonight
00:47:28 and there's a UFO in my pool.
00:47:30 A UFO, VFD.
00:47:31 Ted's not gonna be there for a few hours.
00:47:35 Just chill out now.
00:47:37 We have to get these guys out of here
00:47:38 before anybody figures out they're aliens.
00:47:41 No one's calling them aliens, okay?
00:47:44 - Tanya.
00:47:45 Hi, you know Val?
00:47:49 And this is Mac and Whiplock and Zeebo.
00:47:51 They're from Mars or something, could you die?
00:47:55 And Zeebo wanna dance.
00:47:56 - Wanna dance?
00:47:59 - Great idea.
00:48:00 - Whiplock.
00:48:06 - Should I dance?
00:48:07 - Sure, fine.
00:48:10 Hey, party down.
00:48:12 I'm ready for your chauffeur.
00:48:13 I'll be out on the patio.
00:48:15 - What's her problem?
00:48:19 - Two weeks?
00:48:23 Whoa.
00:48:26 ♪ The bigger they come, the harder I fall ♪
00:48:31 ♪ Love to a dime when they're out of my heart ♪
00:48:35 ♪ I like 'em big and real big ♪
00:48:38 ♪ I like 'em big and real dumb ♪
00:48:42 ♪ I like 'em big and real big ♪
00:48:46 ♪ She likes 'em big and real big ♪
00:48:53 (upbeat piano music)
00:48:56 - You, go rest your thumbs.
00:49:08 I'll drive.
00:49:09 (upbeat piano music)
00:49:18 (upbeat piano music)
00:49:22 - You can actually play that?
00:49:43 - Valerie, are we limp and hard to manage?
00:49:47 - Oh, no, no.
00:49:48 No, you're fine.
00:49:50 I'm sorry.
00:49:51 I just don't feel like talking much.
00:49:55 I guess I figured that everything would just
00:49:57 fall into place if I found Mr. Wright.
00:50:00 - Mr. Wright?
00:50:02 - Yeah.
00:50:03 Mr. Wright is like the guy you dream of meeting
00:50:06 ever since you were a little girl.
00:50:08 And you'd go any place or do anything to be together.
00:50:13 And he feels the same way about you
00:50:14 because you are right for each other.
00:50:18 - I don't know.
00:50:19 Maybe I'm kidding myself.
00:50:21 Maybe there's no such thing.
00:50:23 (upbeat music)
00:50:25 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:50:33 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:50:35 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:50:38 ♪ I'm under ♪
00:50:39 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:50:41 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:50:44 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:50:45 - Hey, baby.
00:50:46 - Hi.
00:50:47 - Why be with a zero when you can dance with a hero?
00:50:51 ♪ Listen here, hey ♪
00:50:53 ♪ Oh, baby ♪
00:50:56 ♪ You gotta tell me ♪
00:50:58 ♪ Where it takes us, it's okay ♪
00:51:01 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
00:51:04 ♪ Baby, just fix up your heart ♪
00:51:06 ♪ Doesn't matter what you ask ♪
00:51:09 ♪ To me ♪
00:51:12 ♪ Put yourself back in your car ♪
00:51:14 ♪ You don't have to go too far ♪
00:51:17 ♪ To see, oh, baby ♪
00:51:20 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:51:22 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:51:24 ♪ Baby, don't be shaking tonight ♪
00:51:27 ♪ I'm under ♪
00:51:28 ♪ You know that I heard ♪
00:51:30 ♪ There's always something I can do ♪
00:51:32 - Yo, baby, why be with a hero
00:51:34 when you can dance with a zero?
00:51:36 ♪ Don't have to worry ♪
00:51:38 ♪ There's always something I can do ♪
00:51:42 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
00:51:45 ♪ Baby, just fix up your heart ♪
00:51:47 ♪ Doesn't matter what you ask ♪
00:51:50 ♪ To me ♪
00:51:53 ♪ Put yourself back in your car ♪
00:51:55 ♪ You don't have to go too far ♪
00:51:57 ♪ To see ♪ - Whoa.
00:51:59 - Hey, hey, hey! - No, no, no, no!
00:52:00 Back off, Jack!
00:52:02 The lucky lady's with me, all right?
00:52:04 And don't be copying my dance moves.
00:52:06 - I'll dance with you both.
00:52:08 I don't care. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:52:09 You don't understand.
00:52:10 He can't dance.
00:52:13 All right.
00:52:14 I know he can't do this.
00:52:16 [dance music]
00:52:17 ♪ Baby, you're a change for me ♪
00:52:19 ♪ Baby, you're a change in me ♪
00:52:21 ♪ Baby, you're a change for me ♪
00:52:24 ♪ I'm under ♪
00:52:25 ♪ Baby, you're a change for me ♪
00:52:27 ♪ Baby, you're a change in me ♪
00:52:29 ♪ Baby, you're a change for me ♪
00:52:32 ♪ I'm under ♪ - Yeah, come on!
00:52:34 ♪ Baby, you're a change for me ♪
00:52:35 ♪ You're the only one ♪
00:52:36 ♪ You're a change in me ♪
00:52:38 ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:52:40 ♪ Shake it, baby ♪
00:52:41 ♪ Shake it, baby ♪
00:52:42 ♪ Shake it, baby ♪
00:52:43 ♪ Shake it, baby ♪
00:52:44 ♪ Shake it, baby ♪
00:52:45 ♪ Shake it, baby ♪
00:52:46 ♪ Shake it, baby ♪
00:52:48 ♪ I'm under ♪
00:52:49 [dance music]
00:52:52 ♪ ♪
00:52:58 - Come on, man!
00:52:59 ♪ ♪
00:53:02 - On them!
00:53:03 On them!
00:53:04 ♪ ♪
00:53:07 ♪ There's nothing I'd rather do ♪
00:53:11 ♪ But here you are, you're mine ♪
00:53:16 ♪ Bringing you with you ♪
00:53:19 ♪ Leaving it all behind, baby ♪
00:53:22 ♪ ♪
00:53:25 - All right!
00:53:26 Hey!
00:53:27 Whoo! Ha-ha!
00:53:29 ♪ ♪
00:53:32 [indistinct shouting]
00:53:35 ♪ ♪
00:53:38 - ♪ Baby, just fix up your hair ♪
00:53:40 ♪ Doesn't matter what you wear ♪
00:53:43 ♪ To me ♪
00:53:44 - [laughs]
00:53:46 - ♪ It just affects your car ♪
00:53:48 ♪ You won't have to go too far ♪
00:53:51 ♪ You'll see ♪
00:53:52 - ♪ Oh, baby ♪
00:53:53 - Oh, whoo!
00:53:54 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:53:55 - Oh, baby!
00:53:56 - ♪ You're a change in me ♪
00:53:57 - Whoo!
00:53:58 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:53:59 ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:00 - [growls]
00:54:01 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:02 ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:03 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:04 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:05 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:06 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:07 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:08 - [cheers and applause]
00:54:11 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:12 - Get down!
00:54:13 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:14 - [cheers and applause]
00:54:17 - ♪ You're a change for me ♪
00:54:18 - [cheers and applause]
00:54:19 - [whistles]
00:54:20 [whistles]
00:54:21 [upbeat music]
00:54:24 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:27 - I'm going home with him.
00:54:29 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:31 - I'm going home with him.
00:54:33 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:35 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:36 - H.
00:54:37 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:38 - You know, I don't even know what planet you're from.
00:54:40 - Shazam.
00:54:42 - Oh, we've only been as far as the moon.
00:54:45 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:46 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:47 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:48 - ♪ I'm going home with him ♪
00:54:49 - You know, at first,
00:54:52 I thought you kind of looked like a giant Bigfoot or something,
00:54:56 but now, I mean,
00:54:58 if I didn't know that you were an alien,
00:55:00 I would just think that you were a really cute guy
00:55:05 who I'm sure has a girlfriend.
00:55:08 - No Mr. Right girlfriend.
00:55:11 [phone chimes]
00:55:13 [phone chimes]
00:55:15 [phone chimes]
00:55:16 [phone chimes]
00:55:17 [phone chimes]
00:55:18 [phone chimes]
00:55:19 [phone chimes]
00:55:20 [phone chimes]
00:55:21 [phone chimes]
00:55:22 [phone chimes]
00:55:23 [phone chimes]
00:55:24 - Oh, my God, that's Whiplock.
00:55:27 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:28 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:29 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:30 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:31 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:32 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:33 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:34 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:35 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:36 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:37 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:38 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:39 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:40 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:41 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:42 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:43 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:44 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:45 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:46 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:47 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:48 - Give me your autograph on my forehead.
00:55:49 - Sign these.
00:55:50 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:51 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:52 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:53 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:54 - I can't believe you're friends with an alien
00:55:55 in front of all these people.
00:55:56 - He would have pooped me Rouse the Nora sound.
00:55:58 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:55:59 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:00 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:01 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:02 - You okay?
00:56:03 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:04 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:05 - Whiplock.
00:56:06 - No, I want to be zero.
00:56:07 I want to be zero.
00:56:08 - No!
00:56:09 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:10 - My feet, my feet.
00:56:11 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:12 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:13 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:14 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:15 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:16 - Candy, uh, I'll call you.
00:56:19 - Oh, wow, what was it like?
00:56:21 - Oh, my God, you're so lucky.
00:56:22 - Did you get his number?
00:56:24 - I want his baby.
00:56:26 - ♪ Hit me ♪
00:56:29 - Sweetheart.
00:56:31 Sweetheart, I'm sorry.
00:56:33 Al?
00:56:35 Honey?
00:56:40 Hey, Al.
00:56:42 - What?
00:56:48 - Oh, wait a second.
00:56:49 He said the Commodore would stand up to anything.
00:56:53 Ow!
00:56:55 Beamer?
00:56:56 Beamer?
00:56:59 Beamer?
00:57:02 Ashton, where's Martin?
00:57:04 Where's Martin? Where's Val?
00:57:05 All right, don't panic.
00:57:06 She probably wasn't doing--
00:57:10 Operator, get me the police.
00:57:11 This is an emergency.
00:57:13 [sirens blaring]
00:57:16 [dogs barking]
00:57:19 - Jack?
00:57:21 Jack!
00:57:23 Jack!
00:57:26 - Police?
00:57:27 This is Dr. Gallagher.
00:57:29 I'd like to report a break-in
00:57:32 and a possible kidnapping.
00:57:35 - Oh, God, I did it.
00:57:37 You guys, act human, okay?
00:57:40 Just act human.
00:57:43 - Oh, sweetheart, you're all right.
00:57:45 Oh, I was so worried about you.
00:57:48 When I came home, the house was totally wrecked.
00:57:54 Who were they?
00:57:55 - Who?
00:57:56 Those guys?
00:57:57 - Yeah.
00:57:59 - A band?
00:58:00 - Boy, totally clear.
00:58:02 - What's up, Dad?
00:58:04 - You mean like a rock 'n' roll band?
00:58:06 What are you doing with a band, Val?
00:58:08 - I won them on MTV.
00:58:10 I won an MTV weekend with a band.
00:58:14 - Hi, I am Mac.
00:58:17 How's it hanging, Mr. Jude?
00:58:19 - Dr. Jude.
00:58:20 - Dr. Jude.
00:58:21 - Oh, no, Val.
00:58:23 Wait a minute.
00:58:24 Listen, I came home to talk to you alone.
00:58:26 I'm sorry, fellas, this is private.
00:58:28 I'm sure you won't mind when I ask you to leave.
00:58:30 - Oh, leave?
00:58:31 No, no, they can't leave.
00:58:32 They're spending the weekend.
00:58:33 - No, no, Val, they can't spend the weekend.
00:58:36 This is my house.
00:58:37 I say they're out of here.
00:58:38 - Your house?
00:58:39 Wait, wait, wait.
00:58:40 I think I threw you out, Dr. Love.
00:58:41 - Oh, yeah?
00:58:42 Well, now I'm gonna throw them out.
00:58:43 So what do you think of that?
00:58:44 - No, you're not.
00:58:45 - Yes, I am.
00:58:46 They're out of--
00:58:47 - No, no, I won them.
00:58:48 I get the--
00:58:49 - What?
00:58:50 - You're tearing me apart.
00:58:53 - Val, these guys are too weird.
00:58:55 You have no business being with people like that.
00:58:56 - Listen, I never won a band before,
00:58:58 and I get them for the whole weekend,
00:58:59 so they're staying.
00:59:00 - I want you to be happy, that's fine, but--
00:59:02 - Dr. Jude.
00:59:03 - What is it now?
00:59:04 - Skewa.
00:59:05 (Val screams)
00:59:06 For you is good.
00:59:07 (Val screams)
00:59:08 - Animal!
00:59:09 (Val screams)
00:59:10 I'm gonna give you a point geometer.
00:59:11 Know what that was?
00:59:12 That was Mercedes, my most expensive fit.
00:59:15 You know how much Mercedes cost me?
00:59:16 Cost me 300 bucks!
00:59:18 - All right, all right, break it up.
00:59:20 (men shouting)
00:59:22 - Hey, break it up!
00:59:24 (men shouting)
00:59:25 - Who's Dr. Gallagher?
00:59:27 - I'm Dr. Gallagher.
00:59:29 - I'm Officer DeMonte, this is Officer Murphy.
00:59:32 - You reported a break-in and possible kidnapping?
00:59:35 - Yes, I did, officer.
00:59:36 But thank God, she's here now and she's fine.
00:59:39 However, these degenerates broke into my home
00:59:42 and they destroyed my property and I want 'em arrested
00:59:45 right now, they're MTV scum!
00:59:47 - Ah, ma'am, would you mind telling us
00:59:49 what's really going on here?
00:59:51 - Officer, sir, this man does not live here anymore
00:59:54 and he's strangling my guests.
00:59:56 - He was eating my Blue Guild dorky.
00:59:58 - Hey, watch your mouth!
01:00:00 - 10-13, we got a false report.
01:00:03 Just a domestic dispute.
01:00:06 His girlfriend dumped him.
01:00:08 - For a rock band.
01:00:10 - That's bullshit!
01:00:11 - Thanks, buddy.
01:00:12 Maybe you need to go someplace and cool off, huh?
01:00:15 - Go with me, I'm a doctor.
01:00:16 - Good, if we had to bust your arm,
01:00:18 you could put on your own cast.
01:00:19 - You're right, Val.
01:00:20 There is a lot I don't know about you.
01:00:22 But if you thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life
01:00:25 with you and your weird friends
01:00:27 and that psychotic cat of yours, you're crazy!
01:00:30 The wedding's off, Val!
01:00:32 - Bye, buddy.
01:00:33 - Wanna dance with a zero?
01:00:40 - I'm sorry.
01:00:42 I think I have to go to my room now.
01:00:45 - I negotiate Gibbich-Herritt's consciences.
01:00:58 - Great, 10-10.
01:00:59 (snaps fingers)
01:01:01 - Is Ted coming back?
01:01:27 - No, Ted doesn't wanna come back.
01:01:30 I don't know what Ted wants, but it's not me.
01:01:35 - What does Valerie want?
01:01:37 - I don't know, I just wanna be happy.
01:01:42 - Mac could make Valerie happy.
01:01:46 - Thanks, but I don't think anybody
01:01:50 could make me feel very good right now.
01:01:52 - Mac could make Valerie feel very, very good.
01:01:56 - Oh, good.
01:01:57 - Wait a minute.
01:02:00 Are you like coming on to me?
01:02:01 Is this a pass?
01:02:02 Because I mean, if it is,
01:02:04 sex is like totally out of the question.
01:02:08 - What is sex?
01:02:09 - Sex?
01:02:11 You know, making love?
01:02:13 A man and a woman like each other
01:02:16 and they take their clothes off.
01:02:17 - Okay.
01:02:19 - Well, no, no, no, no, no.
01:02:22 We, we can't, no.
01:02:23 Because I mean, me and Ted are, are,
01:02:26 well, I guess we're not, but I mean,
01:02:28 we can't because I mean, you're,
01:02:30 you're an alien and I'm from the valley
01:02:32 and we may not even be, you know,
01:02:35 anatomically correct for each other.
01:02:36 That could be a real problem.
01:02:39 No problem.
01:02:43 But I mean, no, no, no.
01:02:45 I mean, it just wouldn't work.
01:02:47 I mean, you're from out of town.
01:02:49 The phone bills would just be hell.
01:02:51 - Shh, shh.
01:02:53 - Well, I just don't want you to think
01:02:56 earth girls are easy.
01:02:58 - What is easy?
01:02:59 - This is easy.
01:03:02 (dramatic music)
01:03:06 (gentle music)
01:03:18 (dramatic music)
01:03:21 (gentle music)
01:03:23 (gentle music)
01:03:26 (gentle music)
01:03:28 (gentle music)
01:03:31 (gentle music)
01:03:34 (gentle music)
01:03:36 (gentle music)
01:03:39 (gentle music)
01:03:41 (gentle music)
01:03:44 (gentle music)
01:03:46 (gentle music)
01:03:49 (dramatic music)
01:04:06 (dramatic music)
01:04:14 (dramatic music)
01:04:17 (dramatic music)
01:04:42 (dramatic music)
01:04:44 (screaming)
01:04:59 (dramatic music)
01:05:02 (screaming)
01:05:07 (dramatic music)
01:05:09 (children cheering)
01:05:24 - I told you not to have fun.
01:05:26 - I wasn't.
01:05:26 (dramatic music)
01:05:29 (screaming)
01:05:46 (dramatic music)
01:05:56 (dramatic music)
01:05:59 - Ted!
01:06:01 (screaming)
01:06:06 - Don't go anywhere, I've been made.
01:06:09 (dramatic music)
01:06:11 - Oh, sweetheart.
01:06:12 - Ted, Ted, make it stop, Ted.
01:06:15 - What happened to my fetish?
01:06:21 - Ted!
01:06:25 (dramatic music)
01:06:28 - Beaver, your face, what happened?
01:06:37 (dramatic music)
01:06:42 - Stop it, stop it!
01:06:52 - Ted!
01:06:54 (dramatic music)
01:06:58 (screaming)
01:07:00 (dramatic music)
01:07:04 (dramatic music)
01:07:07 (sighing)
01:07:09 - All right.
01:07:34 (sighing)
01:07:36 - God, I had the weirdest dream last night.
01:07:44 All I remember is...
01:07:46 (heart beating)
01:07:52 You have the strangest heartbeat.
01:07:58 Sounds like you have two hearts.
01:07:59 - Yeah.
01:08:00 Don't you?
01:08:03 - No, I just have one.
01:08:05 Tell me about Zimbabwe.
01:08:09 - Giselle?
01:08:11 - Giselle.
01:08:12 Is it like Earth?
01:08:15 - Yes, it's beautiful.
01:08:16 - Sounds neat.
01:08:18 Is driving a UFO a good job?
01:08:21 - Oh, yes.
01:08:23 - Do you own your own home or do you rent?
01:08:26 - No water, come look.
01:08:27 - To get with Marfa's whoa to whoa, you stirred up.
01:08:31 (laughing)
01:08:33 (upbeat music)
01:08:37 - Degril, my night friend.
01:08:53 Send a good one.
01:08:55 Hey, O.
01:08:56 Stop.
01:09:00 I can't get it.
01:09:01 - Yeah, go.
01:09:03 (cheering)
01:09:28 (upbeat music)
01:09:31 - Hi, guys.
01:09:37 Hoping Sid Decap is okay.
01:09:40 Breakfast is on the way.
01:09:41 I'm making pancakes from scratch.
01:09:44 - Valerie, we can go home now.
01:09:46 - Oh.
01:09:49 Gee, that's great.
01:09:52 Wow.
01:09:57 I didn't think it would be so soon.
01:10:00 That's really good.
01:10:03 - Yeah, I'm hungry.
01:10:07 - Well, I better go get that.
01:10:13 - Pool man.
01:10:15 Hey, dudes, what's happening?
01:10:21 Woody.
01:10:22 - Woody?
01:10:23 - What is it?
01:10:26 Spaceship?
01:10:27 - Spaceship?
01:10:28 (laughing)
01:10:30 No way, Jose, Woody.
01:10:33 - Yeah, what is it, then?
01:10:35 - A car.
01:10:36 - Oh, that's why she wanted me to drain it.
01:10:38 She drove her car into the pool.
01:10:41 - I'm always doing that.
01:10:43 Pretty rad car, though.
01:10:45 Where's it made?
01:10:47 - Finland.
01:10:48 - Finland. - Finland.
01:10:49 - Oh, I heard of that.
01:10:52 Ted, bringing that girl here was inexcusable.
01:10:56 But now that I've slept on it,
01:10:58 I could probably forgive you,
01:11:00 but what about calling off the wedding?
01:11:03 - Sweetheart, I didn't mean that.
01:11:05 Marrying you is the most important thing
01:11:06 in the world right now.
01:11:08 I need you to take care of me.
01:11:11 And I promise, I won't so much as look at another woman
01:11:14 so long as I live.
01:11:16 Well, unless, of course,
01:11:17 I'm giving her a physical examination.
01:11:20 - Well, I hope not.
01:11:21 A relationship is a lot like a porcelain nail, Ted.
01:11:24 You can break it and you can glue it back together,
01:11:27 but it's not gonna be as strong as it was
01:11:29 unless the person is really committed
01:11:31 and not bringing home nurses.
01:11:33 - Whoa, you shoulda seen me today, man.
01:11:36 Nothing but radical rips all the way in.
01:11:39 You want some slushie?
01:11:41 Yeah, I was barely off my board
01:11:43 and the wahinis are all over me.
01:11:45 - Ew, wahinis.
01:11:48 - Wahinis.
01:11:49 You know, girls.
01:11:52 - Girls?
01:11:53 You know girls?
01:11:54 - Does a woodburger know girls?
01:11:56 Pinocchio got a wooden butt?
01:12:00 I could fix you up with some bodacious chicks
01:12:02 just like that.
01:12:05 Don't believe me?
01:12:06 Like that.
01:12:07 Come on, let's hit the beach.
01:12:09 Ride the wild bikinis.
01:12:12 - We go get candy?
01:12:13 - Yeah, candy, gum, beer nuts, anything you want.
01:12:17 Twizzlers, I got some milk duds.
01:12:19 Gotta lay off this coffee though, man.
01:12:21 It'll kill you in a day.
01:12:23 I know where I'm gonna take you.
01:12:24 I'm gonna take you to Zuma Beach.
01:12:27 - I need surprises.
01:12:29 I need romance.
01:12:31 I mean, how long has it been since you said,
01:12:33 "I love you, I need you,
01:12:36 "I'm crazy about you"?
01:12:40 - Well, Ted?
01:12:42 - Come on, get in the car, will you?
01:12:44 - We're blocked.
01:12:46 - Zeebo?
01:12:48 Put everyone in your eyes.
01:12:49 Zeebo, look up here.
01:12:51 Look up here.
01:12:52 - I'm going to Zuma Beach.
01:12:54 - Look up here.
01:12:56 Zeebo!
01:12:57 Come on!
01:12:59 - Hey, dudes.
01:13:00 I just remembered something.
01:13:02 - What was it?
01:13:03 - Oh, yeah, at the beach today,
01:13:05 they're having a blind of the month contest.
01:13:07 - Blind?
01:13:08 - Yeah, you know, blind beach bunnies
01:13:11 in California's finest.
01:13:14 [upbeat music]
01:13:17 ♪ ♪
01:13:24 ♪ ♪
01:13:27 - ♪ Because I'm blonde, I don't have to think ♪
01:13:30 ♪ I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks ♪
01:13:33 ♪ Don't have to worry about getting a man ♪
01:13:36 ♪ If I keep this blonde and I keep these tan ♪
01:13:38 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:13:41 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:13:44 ♪ I see people working, it just makes me giggle ♪
01:13:47 ♪ 'Cause I don't have to work, I just have to giggle ♪
01:13:50 ♪ 'Cause I'm blonde, C-L-O-N-D ♪
01:13:52 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, don't you wish you were me? ♪
01:13:55 ♪ I never learned to read and I never learned to cook ♪
01:13:58 ♪ Why should I bother when I look like I look? ♪
01:14:01 ♪ I know lots of people are smarter than me ♪
01:14:04 ♪ But I have this philosophy ♪
01:14:07 ♪ Tell what? ♪
01:14:09 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:14:12 ♪ I see girls with thousand states ♪
01:14:14 ♪ And I feel so sorry for 'em ♪
01:14:16 ♪ 'Cause whatever I'm around, all of them ignore ♪
01:14:18 ♪ 'Cause I'm blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:14:21 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:14:24 ♪ They say to make it, you need talent and ambition ♪
01:14:27 ♪ Well, I got a TV show and this was my audition ♪
01:14:30 ♪ Um, okay, what was it? Okay, um, don't tell me ♪
01:14:33 ♪ Oh, yeah, okay, Duck Magnum, Duck ♪
01:14:35 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:14:38 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:14:41 ♪ I took an IQ test and I flunked it, of course ♪
01:14:44 ♪ I can't spell E-W, but I got a course ♪
01:14:47 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, B-L-I-N-D ♪
01:14:49 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, don't you wish you were me? ♪
01:14:52 ♪ I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August ♪
01:14:56 ♪ Is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can ♪
01:14:59 ♪ Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA ♪
01:15:01 ♪ But my goal is to become a veterinarian 'cause I love children ♪
01:15:04 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:15:07 ♪ 'Cause we're a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:15:10 ♪ Girls think I'm snotty and maybe it's true ♪
01:15:13 ♪ With my hair and body, you would be too ♪
01:15:16 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, B-L-I-N-D, I don't know ♪
01:15:19 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:15:21 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:15:24 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
01:15:27 [laughter]
01:15:35 Hey, dudes.
01:15:37 Dudes, come on, snap out of it.
01:15:39 We're making a pit stop. Pit stop!
01:15:41 Bing! Bing!
01:15:53 Hello, Opie.
01:15:55 Brian, come on over here!
01:15:59 Will you get in this car right now?
01:16:01 Come on! He's got my gun!
01:16:04 How many times have I told you not to tell pips like that?
01:16:07 Hey, leave home, kid.
01:16:10 Hey, dudes.
01:16:12 Listen, since I'm springing for the gas,
01:16:14 why don't you go pick up some brews and some sandwich stuff?
01:16:17 Some brews and some sandwich stuff?
01:16:20 Yeah, you know, like bread and junk. Okay, dudes?
01:16:23 Okay, dude.
01:16:25 Bread and junk.
01:16:32 Give us bread.
01:16:34 We need junk. Don't shoot.
01:16:36 Don't shoot. I-I-I just work here. I'm an American.
01:16:39 There. Take it. Take it all.
01:16:43 Where is candy? Candy?
01:16:47 Oh.
01:16:49 Right here. Take as much as you want.
01:16:51 Thank you. Thank you too much.
01:17:00 As-salamu alaykum, boss.
01:17:02 Hey, troops. Had to drain the lizard.
01:17:12 Be right with you.
01:17:14 Hey, what are you doing?
01:17:20 Get down! What?
01:17:22 Get down!
01:17:24 I was just held up. They're still out there.
01:17:27 They got guns! Guns!
01:17:30 My buddies are out there.
01:17:32 You're such a sweet boy.
01:17:45 Where are they, man?
01:17:50 In that green pile of junk.
01:17:56 Excuse me. Could you back up?
01:17:59 I need to get some unleaded.
01:18:01 Back up. Back up. Back up.
01:18:07 Back up.
01:18:09 That's my wagon!
01:18:23 Back up.
01:18:26 Candy!
01:18:28 We are birdie birds and we are MTV scum!
01:18:48 Take it to the butterfly!
01:18:50 Take it!
01:18:52 Take everything!
01:18:54 Take everything!
01:18:56 Take everything!
01:18:58 Take everything!
01:19:00 Take everything!
01:19:02 Don't let it rest on the bread-stick!
01:19:04 Now, rock on!
01:19:06 Hey! That looks great!
01:19:16 Hey!
01:19:18 Hey, guys! Lunch is ready!
01:19:24 Come and get it!
01:19:26 Hey, Valerius! Woody! What's shaking?
01:19:30 Hi, Woody!
01:19:32 Listen, you know, your friends, those Finland guys?
01:19:34 I was taking them to the beach.
01:19:36 What? They're gone? They're with you?
01:19:38 No, they were.
01:19:40 I guess they kind of robbed the mini-mart when I wasn't looking.
01:19:43 And then they totaled the gas station.
01:19:45 Then they ripped off my van. It was a trip.
01:19:47 I don't believe this! Where are you?
01:19:49 I'm at the mini-mart down the street.
01:19:51 Toys-R-Us.
01:19:53 That's it?
01:19:55 Have you seen the Z-Bone rip-off?
01:19:57 I got water in this one, man. I can't hear you.
01:19:59 I think that might be one of them now.
01:20:01 Are you sure?
01:20:03 Not really.
01:20:05 Good enough for me.
01:20:07 No, listen!
01:20:09 What's going on?
01:20:11 Woody!
01:20:13 What's happening?
01:20:15 I gotta go now, Valerie. I'm getting my butt kicked.
01:20:17 Woody!
01:20:19 [Music]
01:20:21 [Screaming]
01:20:23 Oh my God, just watch!
01:20:25 [Music]
01:20:27 Oh my God!
01:20:33 [Music]
01:20:35 [Screaming]
01:20:43 [Music]
01:20:45 [Screaming]
01:20:47 [Music]
01:20:53 [Music]
01:20:59 Woohoo!
01:21:01 [Music]
01:21:05 [Screaming]
01:21:07 [Music]
01:21:09 [Screaming]
01:21:11 [Music]
01:21:13 [Screaming]
01:21:15 [Music]
01:21:17 [Screaming]
01:21:19 [Music]
01:21:21 [Screaming]
01:21:23 [Music]
01:21:25 [Screaming]
01:21:27 [Music]
01:21:29 [Screaming]
01:21:31 [Music]
01:21:33 [Screaming]
01:21:35 [Music]
01:21:37 [Screaming]
01:21:39 [Music]
01:21:41 [Music]
01:21:43 [Music]
01:21:45 [Music]
01:21:47 [Music]
01:21:49 [Music]
01:21:51 [Music]
01:21:53 [Music]
01:21:55 [Music]
01:21:57 [Music]
01:21:59 [Music]
01:22:01 Hey!
01:22:03 Jail isn't so bad.
01:22:05 That's where I learned how to serve.
01:22:07 You dead meat.
01:22:09 You hanged in now.
01:22:11 Come on you guys. You gotta believe me.
01:22:13 This is all a misunderstanding.
01:22:15 Sorry lady. Arrest me too then.
01:22:17 Yeah, arrest her. She's a nice lady.
01:22:19 Get out of this, we can't.
01:22:21 You didn't do anything.
01:22:23 Hey, hey, what are you doing?
01:22:27 Yeah, go for it.
01:22:29 This is paramedic unit 104.
01:22:33 We just picked up two victims at Donut Land.
01:22:35 They fit the description of the suspects in the mini-mart robbery.
01:22:37 We're taking them to Our Lady of the Valley Hospital.
01:22:39 10-13, copy.
01:22:41 That's Ted's hospital.
01:22:43 We have to get there before anybody finds out who they are.
01:22:45 Joe, take us to hospital, please.
01:22:49 Hey clown, you're going to the slammer.
01:22:51 We go to slammer first.
01:22:55 Listen, give them that love touch.
01:22:59 And then they'll come on to me.
01:23:01 To be put in my hands.
01:23:03 You want sex with Joe and Mike?
01:23:05 No, no, just so we can get away.
01:23:07 Do it, do it. You'll see.
01:23:09 Hey, how about those Lakers, huh?
01:23:21 What about those incredible eyes of yours?
01:23:27 What?
01:23:31 They're just this far from Liz Taylor Violet.
01:23:33 Oh.
01:23:35 Oh.
01:23:43 What?
01:23:45 Oh.
01:23:47 So soft.
01:23:49 Two new patients in emergency.
01:23:53 Dr. Love.
01:23:55 (Laughing)
01:23:57 # It's a summer of love
01:24:01 # I'm in love with the love
01:24:03 # So love me
01:24:05 # Everyone tries to
01:24:07 # I'm in love with you
01:24:11 # Oh
01:24:15 Well, bye, you guys.
01:24:17 Thanks for the lift.
01:24:19 I hope things work out.
01:24:21 Bye.
01:24:23 Happy house hunting.
01:24:25 Ciao.
01:24:27 Thank you very much.
01:24:29 Bye.
01:24:31 # Hardly can tell
01:24:33 # Radical ribs all the way in
01:24:37 Great. You too.
01:24:41 Hi, Dr. Goode.
01:24:43 All right, boys, the party's over. Let's settle down.
01:24:45 Take us to Valerie's house, please.
01:24:47 We'd like to go to Valerie's house.
01:24:49 You're not setting foot in my house again. Just lie down.
01:24:51 Excuse me.
01:24:55 I was looking for two patients who had just admitted.
01:24:57 That's kind of a nasty bump.
01:24:59 Does it hurt when I do this?
01:25:01 Good.
01:25:03 Let's just have a listen here, shall we?
01:25:05 Surf's up. Surf's up.
01:25:07 Leave it alone.
01:25:09 Breathe.
01:25:13 Again.
01:25:15 Wait a second.
01:25:19 Breathe.
01:25:21 Breathe.
01:25:23 It's incredible.
01:25:25 It's amazing.
01:25:27 You each have two heartbeats.
01:25:29 Whiplock and Zeebo?
01:25:33 What are their last names?
01:25:35 They don't have last names.
01:25:37 They're performers, you know, like Cher.
01:25:39 Oh.
01:25:41 Yes, they're in the emergency room
01:25:43 being examined by Dr. Gallagher.
01:25:45 Oh, he'll dissect them.
01:25:47 You can't go in there.
01:25:51 Medical personnel only.
01:25:53 I've got to get in there.
01:25:55 I have an idea.
01:25:59 Maybe he's doing something terrible to an innocent person.
01:26:01 Let's do it.
01:26:05 Which floor?
01:26:11 Two, please.
01:26:13 You know, I think I'm going to enjoy this.
01:26:15 You feel this? It's a gun.
01:26:21 What are you doing?
01:26:23 Shut up and start walking.
01:26:25 Come on.
01:26:27 Come here.
01:26:29 No. She's got a gun.
01:26:31 Take off your uniform.
01:26:33 What?
01:26:35 Take it off, quick.
01:26:37 I know you.
01:26:39 You're Ted's girlfriend.
01:26:41 Strip.
01:26:43 I don't want any part of you or Ted or your kinky sex trips.
01:26:45 I said strip.
01:26:47 She said strip.
01:26:49 The call button.
01:26:51 Push the call button.
01:26:53 Uh-uh.
01:26:55 You don't go to prison for this.
01:26:57 For molesting me.
01:26:59 For having a gun.
01:27:01 Oh, well, I don't have a real gun.
01:27:03 Your heart.
01:27:13 Excuse me, doctor.
01:27:15 This doctor is here to pick up these patients.
01:27:17 Oh, no, no, no.
01:27:19 These guys aren't going anywhere.
01:27:21 I'm admitting them both for observation under my care.
01:27:23 They seem okay to me, doctor.
01:27:25 Nurse, why don't you listen to their hearts and tell me what you hear?
01:27:27 ♪ Cover of Time magazine ♪
01:27:31 ♪ Man of the year ♪
01:27:33 ♪ Yes, I'll be rich, famous, famous ♪
01:27:35 ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪
01:27:37 I'll be on the Today Show.
01:27:39 An invitation to the White House.
01:27:41 These sound perfectly normal to me, doctor.
01:27:43 No, no, that's impossible.
01:27:45 These aren't heartbeats.
01:27:47 Try me, doctor.
01:27:49 Yes, yes, I could try you.
01:27:51 Oh, my God.
01:27:59 You, too.
01:28:01 My beeper.
01:28:11 No, no, no, no, my beeper's never done this before.
01:28:13 Could you get the phone, doctor?
01:28:15 What phone, doctor?
01:28:17 Hello?
01:28:21 Doctor, I'm afraid you must be hearing things.
01:28:23 Yo-lay, yo-lay, yo-lay.
01:28:27 Yo-lay, yo-lay.
01:28:29 Is there something wrong, doctor?
01:28:31 Oh, hello, doctor.
01:28:33 Should I call you a doctor, doctor?
01:28:35 No, please just make it stop.
01:28:37 I can't stand it.
01:28:39 No.
01:28:41 You guys, you came this close to being in the science project.
01:28:55 Good.
01:28:57 Ted's car. Follow me.
01:28:59 Quick, get in, quick.
01:29:05 Oh, guys, I found Ted.
01:29:07 Honey, get down and hide.
01:29:09 Valerie?
01:29:15 Sweetheart, I'm so glad to see you.
01:29:17 Can we go home?
01:29:19 These last two days have been hell.
01:29:21 It's affecting my work.
01:29:23 Sweetheart, I actually think that I've been hearing things.
01:29:25 No.
01:29:27 Oh, Val, could you drive? Please, Valerie.
01:29:29 Okay, Ted. Here, get in, honey.
01:29:31 I'm exhausted.
01:29:35 I've been thinking a lot about what you said,
01:29:37 and I've decided to do something impulsive.
01:29:39 Let's go to Vegas tonight and get married.
01:29:41 Tonight?
01:29:43 Well, wait a minute. What about the church and my dress and everything?
01:29:46 We can do the big church wedding later, just like you planned.
01:29:49 Well, what do you say?
01:29:53 Well, I don't know. I'm just so surprised.
01:29:56 Oh, come on. You want it. Surprise us.
01:29:59 Ted.
01:30:01 [♪♪♪]
01:30:03 You gotta bring that one-piece night thing.
01:30:26 That corset? That thing that looks like underwear?
01:30:29 [laughing]
01:30:31 What is it now? Something old?
01:30:42 Oh, these pantyhose are old.
01:30:45 Something new?
01:30:47 This veil is new.
01:30:49 Dr. Fishman, please.
01:30:53 Barbara, Ted here.
01:30:57 Listen, I need a really big favor.
01:31:00 I want you to cover my shift at the hospital tomorrow.
01:31:03 I'm going to Vegas.
01:31:05 [laughing]
01:31:07 Well, I'm gonna lose a little money,
01:31:09 take in a show, and get married.
01:31:13 Barbara.
01:31:15 Barbara.
01:31:17 Look, just because I'm getting married
01:31:19 doesn't mean we can't date, all right?
01:31:21 What?
01:31:26 [♪♪♪]
01:31:28 Not gonna forget?
01:31:32 Valerie.
01:31:37 Goodbye.
01:31:39 Goodbye.
01:31:41 This planet you have here. Give Tonya my number.
01:31:44 Take care, Zeebo.
01:31:47 Oh, woodblock.
01:31:49 I think I'll miss you the least of all.
01:31:51 You got the "little luck" from woodblock?
01:31:55 Valerie.
01:31:57 I don't know the words.
01:32:00 Oh, Mac.
01:32:02 I'm gonna miss you so much.
01:32:04 I miss you, too.
01:32:06 Sweetheart, I cooked a caveman, sweetie.
01:32:08 Cute Miss Lott.
01:32:10 [bell ringing]
01:32:12 What the hell is this?
01:32:17 Okay, Ted, they're not a band.
01:32:20 They're from another planet.
01:32:22 Just put it in the house. I'll be in in a second.
01:32:25 Go ahead.
01:32:27 Here it is.
01:32:28 Here it is!
01:32:29 All right, Val, I got you covered.
01:32:31 Okay.
01:32:32 Ted, Ted. It's okay.
01:32:34 You're contaminating.
01:32:36 [clanging]
01:32:38 I have to go now.
01:32:40 Ted!
01:32:41 I'll call the police.
01:32:42 Ted, come on.
01:32:44 Stop it.
01:32:46 [♪♪♪]
01:32:49 [♪♪♪]
01:32:51 Goodbye, Valerie.
01:32:56 [♪♪♪]
01:32:58 [sobbing]
01:33:11 Mac!
01:33:16 It didn't work!
01:33:18 Ted, I have to tell you something!
01:33:22 I love you.
01:33:24 Take me with you!
01:33:26 To Gisela?
01:33:27 Anyplace.
01:33:29 I am Mr. Right?
01:33:31 Yes! Yes!
01:33:33 [♪♪♪]
01:33:35 Well, uh, goodbye, Ted.
01:33:41 Um, I guess it wasn't meant to be,
01:33:44 but I really want to thank you for, um--
01:33:48 Thanks for the, uh--
01:33:50 Goodbye, Ted.
01:33:52 [♪♪♪]
01:33:54 Mac!
01:34:00 [♪♪♪]
01:34:03 [♪♪♪]
01:34:05 Mac!
01:34:18 Wait, you guys!
01:34:20 You can't leave without margaritas!
01:34:22 [♪♪♪]
01:34:30 Valerie, what are you doing?
01:34:32 Goodbye, Candy. I'll miss you.
01:34:36 Well, good luck, Val.
01:34:39 Call me.
01:34:41 [♪♪♪]
01:34:43 Happy trails.
01:34:48 Bambi, no.
01:34:54 Wait.
01:34:56 [♪♪♪]
01:34:59 [coughs]
01:35:01 Hey!
01:35:03 Give my love to Finland!
01:35:06 [♪♪♪]
01:35:08 [laughs]
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