Married at First Sight NZ Season 4 Episode 9
Married at First Sight NZ Season 4 Episode 9
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00:00Previously, two weeks ago, ten complete strangers were married at first sight.
00:17This week was the first dinner party, which was rocked by a shock decision by Maddie and
00:26Nate.
00:30And an intense argument, which could rip the newest couple apart.
00:47Tonight, the couples face the experts to reveal whether they will stay or leave.
01:07I've really struggled to make the decision that I've made, so I...
01:23After last night's explosive argument with CJ, Jessie has stopped by to talk it over
01:28with James.
01:29Mate, hell of a dinner last night.
01:33As everyone had gone, CJ started turning the conversation back towards her and I and our
01:38relationship and how it's not as good as everyone else's and stuff like that.
01:43Everybody else is creating these deeper levels, and I feel like ours is very surface level.
01:49And I'm here for a relationship, and you can't give me anything.
01:53No, but I mean, you can't expect me to just be like...
01:56Yes, I can expect you to be, because you're on a dating show.
01:59So this is where the immaturity comes in.
02:03Having an argument this early on with someone is just a massive red flag for me.
02:09I feel like it's quite tough, because obviously you guys came in late.
02:13You've known each other for, what, four days?
02:16Yeah, just four days. And I think she's comparing that to everyone else and putting a lot of
02:20pressure on me. But it's just nasty, man.
02:24Last night was a full fight, you know. It wasn't nice. It wasn't pleasant.
02:28And I'm not keen to have that in my life.
02:33This is me having an actual adult conversation.
02:37Stop belittling me.
02:38I'm not belittling you.
02:39Having an adult conversation. How would you feel if I said that to you?
02:44Have you managed to speak to her after last night?
02:47Nah. We fought and just separated and went to different rooms.
02:52I haven't spoken to her since.
02:56After spending the night alone, CJ is confiding in Sam.
03:03Last night was just a bit of a disaster.
03:06I was going to say, because you guys looked really good last night.
03:09I think when we're around everybody, it's all good.
03:12And then behind closed doors, things that he's been saying to me just have not been very nice.
03:19I don't even want to talk to you later.
03:21And this is why you shouldn't be on a show like this, because you don't want to find out.
03:25No, if I met anyone else, I would have been fine.
03:29He said that to you? Yeah.
03:31When it comes to actually having a discussion,
03:33it just seems to not go anywhere, and the communication shuts down.
03:36And then I get bullied.
03:41And he's just made me feel like I'm going crazy.
03:46The way that you've just come back at me and tried to make it like it's my fault.
03:50You're obviously very immature. Are you loopy?
03:53Am I loopy? I think you are.
03:55In what way? You're delusional.
03:58He says things, and it just takes it that step further, and that's when I break down.
04:10I've, like, worked so hard not to be this person,
04:12and, like, to be confident, and, like, I am such a confident person.
04:16I've got so much going for me, and to have somebody so quickly change that around
04:20and make me feel like this is just disgusting.
04:24I don't deserve to be treated like this.
04:34I think sitting in front of the experts, some truths will come out.
04:39Mm.
04:41I don't want you to go back and think,
04:43oh, shit, I should have maybe given it a few more days.
04:47Yeah.
04:49You know what I'm really keen on is to deep-dive into the angst that I'm feeling.
04:55I don't want to get into the underlying issues of the experts.
04:58If we can unpack that and figure that out, then, you know, maybe.
05:04So, what's your feeling going into the commitment ceremony?
05:10I don't know. We'll see, I guess.
05:13I feel like Jesse is, like, a genuine guy.
05:16Whether or not what he's told me is the complete truth,
05:19cos, obviously, there's two sides to every story.
05:23Gonna be an interesting chat on the couch.
05:25Yeah, I know.
05:27And with the first commitment ceremony just around the corner,
05:31Jesse isn't the only one with a tough decision to make.
05:36Going into the commitment ceremony today,
05:38feeling nervous because it's something we haven't gone through yet.
05:43This is ultimate truth. It's a yes or no answer.
05:48If Kara wrote Leave Now, I'd actually be a little gutted.
05:53I've really struggled to make the decision that I've made.
05:58I'm going to navigate this in whatever way it needs to be navigated.
06:03Hadabi and I are really growing to trust each other,
06:07and we have a good connection.
06:10I'm just considering if he's the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
06:17Seeing a future with Steph, it's a bit unknown for me right now.
06:22She has high expectations of her partner, and so she should.
06:26I'm just afraid that I might not meet their standards.
06:32I came into this process wanting to find somebody who's got similar values and morals as me
06:37and to have that instant connection.
06:40To have found that is the best feeling.
06:45I'm really hoping that this is it.
06:48I was so worried about coming into this being stuck with someone that I was uncomfortable around.
06:56And it's just been the complete opposite experience for me.
07:00I feel so comfortable with him to be myself.
07:04I do very much think James could be my person.
07:10My mind's all over the place, to be honest.
07:14I really don't know what to do.
07:16Maybe I stick it out.
07:20Maybe the clash is too much of a clash, and it's just not going to work.
07:26Jesse's one to jump from having a discussion about an issue to demeaning my character.
07:33And that just shows a lack of respect in my mind.
07:37I've 100% made my decision.
07:46The commitment ceremonies are an absolutely key part of the whole Married at First Sight experience.
07:51Good to see you, James.
07:52Welcome.
07:54Because it's here where our couples get to open up and really let the experts into their relationships
08:00and ultimately decide whether they want to stay or leave for another week in the experiment.
08:07Looks like you had a good night last night.
08:10It was a fun night. It was really nice.
08:13Couple of twists and turns.
08:15It could be a bit awkward seeing CJ just after the argument last night being quite fresh,
08:19but I've got nothing to hide.
08:20I've said from the start I'm a very open-booked person.
08:23I hope it doesn't get heated again.
08:24I hope that we can have open dialogue with the experts and talk about everything like adults.
08:29Keen to see what you guys can do.
08:34Welcome. Come on in.
08:36Grab a seat and settle in.
08:39Come in.
08:43Hello.
08:44Seeing all the husbands get up and greet their wife and then sitting down next to Jessie
08:50and we're not getting a lot from each other.
08:54I'm feeling really awkward.
08:57Welcome everyone to your first commitment ceremony.
09:03This is a very important part of the experiment for all of you
09:08because what you have to do is get open and be raw and honest with us.
09:14We are going to ask you the hard questions and we're going to hold a mirror up to all of you.
09:20Our job is to show you where you're going wrong
09:24and that's over to you whether you're going to put it right.
09:28You are getting real-world challenges that most couples experience over several years
09:34thrown at you in a very short period of time.
09:38So you have no real ability to coast.
09:42You have to upskill fast and these commitment ceremonies are moments where you can do just that.
09:50In this experiment however, not everyone's on the same page.
09:55Let me remind you, if one person writes leave and the other person writes stay
10:00then the couple has to remain in the experiment until such time as both of them decide to leave.
10:06But if you have that situation occur tonight
10:09roll your sleeves up and do everything you can to turn it around
10:13because I have seen it happen time and time again.
10:16So use this moment in time very, very wisely.
10:23So welcome to the couch.
10:36Samantha and James.
10:38Hey.
10:47You guys do a lot of lovely touch.
10:51Thanks.
10:53How's the experience been so far?
10:55I'm so happy.
10:57It looks like that too.
10:59There's a real connection.
11:00How's the experience been so far?
11:02I'm so happy.
11:04It looks like that too.
11:06There's a real ease to you guys.
11:08What's the chemistry like?
11:10Really good.
11:12We're very touchy feely and a lot of cuddles and kisses.
11:16It's really, really nice.
11:19Where are you at with physical intimacy?
11:23We're getting there.
11:25We're on the right path.
11:26We're getting there.
11:28Tell me any worries that you've got about the relationship
11:32or the future or anything that you want to bring up?
11:39I love that you're a mom.
11:41Like you're an amazing mom.
11:43But I've never dated anyone that I've kind of been involved in the child's life
11:48so that's a little bit nerve wracking for me.
11:51What worries you about it?
11:53Having the responsibility of looking after a child.
11:56That I would be good enough.
12:02What would good look like?
12:05Just being able to be there and kind of provide not only
12:09for like your son and you
12:12but also just to be the right role model.
12:16Do you know what I like about you James?
12:19You're quite vulnerable.
12:22A lot of people out there feel like they're not good enough
12:26and they never say it.
12:28That shows a lot of bravery.
12:32What do you think it does to Sam when she hears that?
12:35I'm not too sure.
12:37It's brought us very close I think.
12:41Seeing him be vulnerable and open with me
12:44kind of just solidifies how we're going in the right direction.
12:50I have no reservations that he would be a great role model for Kalen.
12:57Sam, how do you feel about James right now?
13:04I like him a lot.
13:09You're falling for him?
13:12Yes.
13:18James, over to you.
13:20What sort of feelings have you got for Sam?
13:22I have strong feelings for Sam
13:24I know it's not been long but the connection we've had
13:28and how easy it is and how natural it feels.
13:33Yeah, I'm definitely going down the same route that you are
13:36about how we feel about each other.
13:38Good.
13:40So have you come to a decision?
13:44Stay. Good stuff.
13:45Stay. Good stuff.
13:53You alright, James?
13:56Great stuff. Stay. Love that.
14:05Go back to the group and we'll see you next time.
14:07Alright, thank you.
14:16Next up
14:22Steph and Piripi.
14:28How are we feeling?
14:30Good. Very good.
14:33You say that with a high voice.
14:36Steph?
14:38Good as well.
14:40Lots of goods.
14:42We really want to know what that means.
14:46Um, I mean, we've had our challenges
14:50and coming into this I thought I was willing to really dive in.
14:55I thought I did at the start and I didn't.
14:59Can you explain that to us?
15:01So when we first got married a few days afterwards
15:04we had a bit of an argument and I ended up giving her space
15:09but I don't think that was the right move.
15:11How do you know it wasn't the right move?
15:13Because we weren't right in the morning.
15:15So what did it do to Steph?
15:17I think it hurt her.
15:30I've just always struggled with feelings of abandonment
15:35and so to have our first argument
15:38and then to wake up without him there
15:40without him there
15:42yeah, it was tough.
15:46Okay, so you wake up, he's not there.
15:48Yeah.
15:49And what's your first thought?
15:51It just raises emotions for me
15:54that I've been through in the past.
15:57Feeling abandoned and things get hard
16:01and people leave you.
16:04Yeah.
16:06So how did you talk about that, work through it?
16:10It blew up.
16:12Yeah.
16:14We got back from Vanuatu and we had a conversation.
16:18She didn't think I was here for the right reasons
16:21and I wasn't really showing the person I am or can be.
16:27After confessions, I just told her everything about myself
16:32and shared my soul.
16:34My actions as a young man are ones I don't hold fondly.
16:38I cheated.
16:41I felt nice to be wanted.
16:43I don't think I felt very wanted when I was younger.
16:51Oh, are you alright?
16:56I haven't had the worst life but I've had some tough times
17:00and I just have a hard time.
17:03Just piecing the two together of why I did these things.
17:07That doesn't take away the fact that I was crappy
17:10but I've really been trying to be different.
17:14So I just find it hard to lean into it
17:18and now I finally have and it feels really good.
17:24I feel seen as who I am fully.
17:27And the more you open up, the softer Steph is.
17:34So what are you worried about?
17:40I mean, what we've discussed quite a lot.
17:45Is it going to work in the real world?
17:48I really wanted to start the family
17:51and be creating a stable and secure future for myself.
17:55Creating a stable and secure future for them
17:58and I just don't know how that looks.
18:00And you already have two children and you're based in Hamilton
18:03and you still have a few things that you want to tick off career-wise.
18:07Whether you're ready for the next steps as soon as I am.
18:11Yep.
18:13I've got a few things that I need to sort out
18:16to maybe reach the standard.
18:18Not the standard, sorry.
18:20Just on that, Steph, I think it's very important for you to know
18:25that my dealings with you have a list of criteria
18:29that need to be met for a guy to be up there.
18:33If you hold on to that too tightly, you're going to rule everybody out.
18:38It's important to not miss the fact that there's a great guy right in front of you.
18:44The amount of people that come into these experiments
18:47and they say, I have a list of ingredients that I must have.
18:51Those people do badly.
18:53Not just in the experiment, but in love.
19:12Steph, I think it's very important for you to know that
19:15my dealings with you have a list of criteria
19:19that need to be met for a guy to be up there.
19:23If you hold on to that too tightly, you're going to rule everybody out.
19:28It's important to not miss the fact that there's a great guy right in front of you.
19:36Alright, well, I think it's time to go to the decision.
19:40Stay or leave?
19:42Now, I reckon let's go with you first.
19:46Pidipi.
19:49This whole experience has been very confronting
19:51and I learnt a lot about myself
19:54and Steph has challenged me in multiple different ways.
19:57But you're also very loving.
19:59And you're very funny.
20:02But I definitely want to stay.
20:11Just in case you're lying.
20:17Steph, over to you.
20:19Stay or leave? What you got?
20:22Today, especially, has been just like so emotionally overwhelming.
20:26Just feels drained.
20:30And when I feel drained, I pull back.
20:34And I honestly want to just leave.
20:45You've opened up to me and you've been vulnerable.
20:48And you're teaching me patience and to sit in the moment.
20:52And I really appreciate you for that.
20:58So I wrote stay.
21:08I was a bit worried.
21:12Okay guys, well done tonight.
21:14You can go back to the couch and we look forward to seeing you next time.
21:18Thank you so much.
21:26Right, let's get our next couple up.
21:29Mike and Cara.
21:38Tell me about your wedding. How was it?
21:41It was really, really beautiful.
21:42We're way out on this rocky mountaintop. It was really nice.
21:45What's been unexpected?
21:49Everything's unexpected in this.
21:51We've got our similarities, but our differences are different.
21:54And when I went into this process, I didn't realise there would be such different worlds in there.
22:03I think for me, I sort of came in with a list of boxes.
22:10I maybe wanted to have ticked.
22:13And I've been confronted because I think in a lot of ways they have been ticked.
22:18But I still think there's maybe a disconnect.
22:21Okay.
22:23So you come in, you meet this guy.
22:26He meets a lot of the list.
22:28But you're still feeling...
22:30What?
22:32For me, there's not the initial attraction that I guess I'd hoped for.
22:38I think that's really hindering me in a lot of ways.
22:42And I found it really hard to express that because Mike's so kind.
22:47And I don't like to hurt people.
22:50Is that the first time you've said that to Mike?
22:53No.
22:55I don't know.
22:57Is that the first time you've said that to Mike?
22:59No.
23:03But the first time I said it wasn't exactly the way it should have come out.
23:08So what's getting you so emotional right now?
23:15You look like you're close to tears.
23:17I know, I feel close to tears.
23:19I don't like hurting people, you know.
23:21And I know you say you're not hurt by it and there's nothing we can do about it.
23:23But it's horrible to say you're not attracted to someone, you know.
23:27I just don't like how it would make him feel.
23:30Because I know how it would make me feel if it was the other way around.
23:37Can I ask, when you didn't communicate it well, what did you say?
23:43When I hadn't been able to express it to him because I hadn't felt comfortable to do so.
23:49When I got to see the girls, I think it was just like really unpacking how I was feeling.
23:55And then it was a matter of, I needed to tell him before it got back to him through anyone else.
24:02The attraction is one thing, but also I was feeling so lost in your big personality.
24:10It was just really freaking overwhelming for me to go from being a strong independent person
24:15to be thrown into a room with someone who's like main character energy.
24:21Do you know what I mean?
24:23And I appreciate the main character energy, but I just lost myself in it.
24:28And then, yeah, it just all imploded.
24:32Mike, what's your take on disconnect when Kara says that?
24:37What's she talking about?
24:39I enjoy really unpacking. I enjoy the curiosity of getting to know someone else.
24:48I really enjoy diving in deep.
24:55And Kara doesn't.
24:58And I can feel when she pulls away.
25:01I'm just trying to build on this, but it seems like the attraction thing
25:05is just something that's so held on.
25:12But it's not just about physical attraction, is it?
25:15No.
25:17Tell us what else this is about. Help Mike and us understand.
25:35Tell us what else this is about. Help Mike and us understand.
25:42He's positive every single hour of the day.
25:47That's who you are, but how can you be positive and be like, you're beautiful and great,
25:53and you say all these kind things to me, but it's like, I'm not. I'm not perfect.
25:57So tell me what's wrong. Do you know what I mean?
26:00But I still call you to a higher standard as well.
26:03What does that mean?
26:05What does that mean?
26:14If you're struggling to talk about something, I will just help you move more into it.
26:23Because I know that it's there.
26:26Then it starts to flow a little bit.
26:29And then that's when we're talking about parts of our lives or parts of ourselves.
26:34That will help us connect past the attraction thing.
26:44Why do you feel the need to help her move along?
26:49Because she talks so hard about herself.
26:54Like you have these set limiting beliefs of yourself.
26:58Right, there. That's why I'm doing this.
27:01What's going on there, Mike, is going to be an issue.
27:08Because what you're doing there is you're telling her the way she feels, the way she thinks.
27:14In a sense, you're right, she's wrong. You're whole, she's broken.
27:20Now you don't have that as an intention, but that's what she's getting at. Am I right?
27:26Now we watched you last night at the dinner party.
27:31You are a big energy. We agree. Kind. Very well intentioned.
27:37And that's what we love about you.
27:39But there are times where you will talk for people.
27:46Rather than let them be and let them step up.
27:50Kara's got a massive voice. She knows who she is.
27:53But we noticed around you at the dinner party, she lost herself.
28:00And it's a fine line between telling her what you think is going on for her,
28:07what are the flaws, what are the strengths, where she needs to go,
28:10and sitting back and saying, you tell me, Kara. You lead and I'll follow.
28:17And that, I think, is a big part of this disconnect.
28:19You're probably not even aware that you're doing it.
28:24It creates an unequal relationship here.
28:27Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that.
28:30Likewise, Kara, we're looking at you and saying,
28:34I know that the chemistry side of things is sticking for you.
28:40But if you're able to connect in a different way,
28:44that can take care of itself.
28:51We're really talking to the both of you here about something that's become a block.
28:55And if we can deal with the disconnect, which I think we can,
28:59then everything opens up.
29:03All right, you two, we're going to go to the decision.
29:06Let's go with you first, Mike.
29:08So, everything that we've brought up here today is
29:12clearly obvious for both of us, you know.
29:17I'm in this process to build my courage,
29:20to build who I know I can be.
29:23And in relationships, it's the hardest part I've found in my life.
29:28And so, I'm going to go with you.
29:31I'm going to go with you.
29:33I'm going to go with you.
29:34It's the hardest part I've found in my life.
29:36And so,
29:39with Kara in this with me,
29:41because she does have a big energy like I do,
29:43and I really think that
29:48if I stay,
29:50that we can definitely work on it
29:52and create the connection that I'm hoping we can create.
29:55Good stuff.
30:00And what about you, Kara? What have you got for us?
30:05It's been an absolute rollercoaster ride.
30:10There's been ups and there's been downs.
30:13And I do appreciate
30:17your good energy and your positivity
30:19and how you can light up a room
30:21and you do bring a lot to the table.
30:28So, I
30:30I've decided to stay.
30:33There you go.
30:40This was a tough session
30:42because we had to hit you with some real home truths.
30:46This week,
30:48if you find that Mike is talking for you
30:52or saying something that essentially is taking that voice away,
30:56just ask him.
30:57To ask you a question as opposed to tell you something.
31:00And also, Mike, give her the opportunity to lead.
31:03Whether it's deciding on what restaurant to go to
31:06or whatever it is, but let her lead.
31:08Back to the couch.
31:10Yes, thanks.
31:22Okay, and our final couple.
31:24See you tomorrow.
31:25Our final couple.
31:27CJ and Jesse.
31:34Welcome.
31:36Good to see you two.
31:38Where are we at?
31:40Talk to me about your communication.
31:42What's going on you two?
31:44Because you've only come into the experiment recently.
31:46Yeah, we haven't been on the, well,
31:49we're not on the best page right now.
31:52We got married on Sunday.
31:55Just on that.
31:57How did you feel about each other
31:59when you saw each other for the first time?
32:01Felt really warm around Jesse
32:03when I first met him and everything,
32:05and it was a really good day.
32:07We had a really good time, really enjoyed it.
32:09So it started off pretty well, yeah?
32:11Yeah.
32:13Okay, and then what's happened?
32:15The second day that we had time to spend together,
32:17it started off strong as well.
32:19Went to the beach, had some good conversations,
32:21and we were just getting to know each other
32:23and it was really natural and easy.
32:25Went to the local tavern there,
32:27grabbed some more drinks there and it was really nice.
32:29And then we had our first, I guess, tiff
32:32when me going to buy a toothbrush.
32:38And she just thought it was quite strange
32:40is what she kept saying.
32:42She was like, I just find this really strange
32:44that you want to go buy a toothbrush
32:46and the vibes changed.
32:48And it kept kind of just escalating
32:50until we got back to the apartment.
32:52I didn't know what to do
32:53until I was just giving her reassurance
32:55being like, I promise there wasn't anything wrong.
32:57Well, let me just ask CJ,
32:59what was the vibe that you were picking up on
33:01that he's talking about?
33:03Something just changed.
33:05We were having a really good time
33:07and all of a sudden it was just like,
33:09I need to go, I need to buy a toothbrush.
33:11I was like, okay, this is really weird.
33:13So I just need to go brush my teeth.
33:15And I was like, okay, sweet.
33:17So then when I got one and I was like,
33:19well, do you want to brush your teeth then?
33:21And he's like, I want to go back.
33:23And we're like, maybe I've said something.
33:25Maybe he's not as into me as he was before.
33:27Like there was just something that I thought.
33:29Because it was so jarring for you.
33:31Yeah, it was so jarring.
33:33And I was kind of like, this is such a non-issue.
33:35I just didn't understand it.
33:37Jessie, explain this.
33:39Why did you need a toothbrush?
33:41Yeah, I think there was a misunderstanding.
33:43We didn't leave to get a toothbrush.
33:45We left.
33:47I was like, can we pop into this dairy quickly
33:49so I can buy a toothbrush?
33:51It wasn't the reason to leave.
33:53I was just saying, trust me,
33:55I did not want to leave the Tav.
33:57I love the Tav.
33:59It's my local bar.
34:01It's my favourite bar.
34:03I could be there all night if I wanted to.
34:05Why did you buy a toothbrush?
34:07Exactly, that's why I'm like, why do we leave then?
34:09So it was a really passing comment of just being like,
34:11shit, my teeth are fairy.
34:13And I wanted to go buy a toothbrush.
34:15And I bought the toothbrush.
34:17And that was it.
34:19There was nothing else to it.
34:21Okay, so moving on from that,
34:23I thought that my mood changed.
34:25I was like, okay, cool.
34:27So I'm going to go and I went to the gym
34:29because when I get heated and I get emotional,
34:32I just need a couple of minutes
34:34just to go and chill, do something active
34:36or do something that I need to do.
34:38I think coming back, it was obviously quite silent.
34:41Both of us didn't know what to say.
34:43I just went to bed and then he just basically came in
34:46and he's like, we're not compatible.
34:48I'm leaving tomorrow.
34:50That just made me clam up
34:52because I was like, okay, what the heck?
34:54So I just didn't say anything.
34:56I thought we'd maybe just have a discussion in the morning
34:58and then wake up the next morning
35:00and the same thing happened.
35:02I'm leaving, we're not compatible,
35:04this isn't going to work.
35:06If you were on a hinged dating app right now,
35:08I wouldn't want to continue this dating thing.
35:12And to me, I was like, that's really hurt me.
35:14What was so hurtful about that?
35:16Well, because I don't want to just be like
35:18swiped left or right
35:20if such a minuscule thing goes wrong, you know?
35:22And that just made me really, really uncertain
35:24and really, really unsure.
35:26Insecure?
35:28Yeah, really insecure.
35:30So I did state to Jesse,
35:32I will pack my stuff up and I'll go to another room.
35:34There was another sudden mood change again.
35:36We were like, oh no, I was overthinking it.
35:38I was like, I don't know what to do.
35:40I don't know what to do.
35:41There was another sudden mood change again.
35:43We were like, oh no, I was overthinking it.
35:45I was overreacting.
35:47It's all good.
35:49So it really created some uncertainty
35:51probably for the both of you, really,
35:53but not surprising because you're a new couple
35:55and you're trying to understand each other's patterns.
35:57Yeah.
35:59Can I just, I mean, like, from my perspective,
36:01it's a little bit different.
36:03Like, we get back and I'm trying to figure out
36:05what this issue is with the toothbrush,
36:07what the problem is, what the vibe change is.
36:09I don't have much conflict in my life
36:11and I never argue with anyone.
36:13And I think it's because whenever there is
36:15something that needs to be talked about or discussed,
36:17I do it then and there.
36:19But I was trying to discuss with you.
36:21Let me do my side now.
36:33And I think it's because whenever there is
36:35something that needs to be talked about or discussed,
36:37I do it then and there.
36:39I was trying to discuss with you.
36:41And
36:43Then we get back and I'm trying to talk about it and I was like CJ, please listen to me
36:47There is nothing going on here. Like there was no vibe change. I was trying she ended up just leaving
36:51I don't know where she went. I even texted her saying after I don't know how long because it got quite late
36:56Like where are you? Can you come back? Like I'm upset. Can we talk about this?
37:00She comes back and we go to bed and I'm up all night. I can't even sleep. I'm on the couch
37:06If we then move forward to the dinner party, you guys seem to be getting on really well
37:10So, how did you repair so that morning? I said to CJ. Okay, let's try make this work. Like let's try
37:16Put it behind us. It's a stupid thing. And I think that we didn't address the issue though
37:21We just sort of we went into our own little shells and then at the dinner party
37:24I think it just sort of snowballed and then there's a bit of an argument after the
37:29dinner party to
37:32Gotcha from my perspective I still didn't even know what was wrong
37:36Okay, I'm just looking at your face there CJ, you know, take us to where you're at right now in terms of how you're feeling about
37:44the relationship I
37:46Don't feel heard and just hearing things that he says to me
37:50Last night. He said if I was paired with any other woman here, it would have worked
37:55Pretty much. It's shit that he's paired with me
37:58Pretty much it's shit that he's paired with me
38:05And that's when I lost it and I just broke down and I'm hurt I
38:11Don't know any woman anywhere
38:14Who's gonna feel comfortable with her husband saying hey if I was matched with anyone else, it would be okay
38:22And I know I'm I actually am sorry for saying that it was such a heated argument last night
38:38I'm sorry
38:42Certainly I get a sense that you're both hurting yeah and also
38:48gridlocked
38:50Gridlocked in point scoring. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I'm right. You're wrong. I
38:57Did try no I tried this is what has to change if you guys decide to move forward
39:06Could you like instead of talking to us look at each other and say
39:11What your primary feelings are just what's going on for you? No jumping in just actually here the other person
39:20so
39:23I'm not feeling heard. I feel like you're
39:27not
39:28Don't go there
39:31Only feelings it's you it's not we're not doing anything
39:34Like what where you think the other person is going wrong? I feel a bit hurt
39:39there we go, I feel sad and quite gutted that we are where we are right now and
39:46Confused probably
39:49Okay
39:51CJ
39:53Also not heard
39:56Afraid to open up and express my feelings just a little bit neglected
40:05Could you tell each other what you want I want to feel happiness and comfort in a relationship
40:10I want to feel like I'm being lifted up safe trusted in
40:16Yeah
40:18I want to feel safe to be able to express my emotions
40:22And I need to be supported
40:25Because I'm usually really happy and obviously I'm not very happy right now. Mm-hmm. So I guess when I do get sad
40:31You don't have that support
40:34Because I mean like we're both we're all here if I guess hopefully for the same reasons right and that's to find love and
40:40Right now I don't feel very loved
40:48Do
40:51You think you can work through this I truly don't know it's been four days and two of the days have been arguments
40:57So like I think that I can definitely see the how we've been matched. I can see how
41:03Our careers are similar. Our personalities can be very similar. She's up for things. She's outgoing
41:09But for some reason we clash and I don't know why and like what I said before
41:13I don't fight in my life and it affects me. It upsets me a lot and it's this
41:20unsettling feeling inside me that I don't like to feel and
41:23If I can't address that in a relationship
41:25Particularly this early. I
41:27Don't know. I mean maybe the fact that neither of you experienced a lot of conflict means that it's so uncomfortable
41:36So I don't mind conflict day
41:37I mean, I'm pretty good in my day-to-day life when it comes to conflict and it both of you have said
41:43Tonight that you don't have a lot of conflict because I addressed it straight away. Well, I usually address it straight away
41:48So I didn't you choose tonight. I did address that Tuesday night. He lived I didn't leave you
41:53Do you see and now we're point score?
41:56And there it is again. I'm right. You're wrong
42:00You're gonna need to work through this fight salt couples
42:06Argue all the time
42:08Now it's how they argue which is the key
42:11But if you think you're gonna get through this life
42:13With an intimate partner who never argues you you're wrong. It's not gonna happen
42:18Yeah, so I want both of you to realize that fighting is okay
42:22It's just how you do it, which is the important thing and right now the way you argue is toxic
42:29Now if we change that
42:31You can move forward. Yeah
42:34Let's
42:36Go to the decision to find out where you stand and then from there we can decide what to do. Yeah
42:43Jessie stay or leave. I
42:45Don't really know CJ in a deeper way yet. I've still got that
42:50Trust that our personalities are quite similar. We have a good time together, you know, we saw that
42:56Yeah, it was the tequila shot out of it. I know right? Yeah, and like we totally, you know
43:01We get it along and then these heads, but we just but yeah, you guys are right
43:04We just have this gridlock with with our arguments. I just hope that I can you know, we can see with more time
43:10I'm really keen to try working how I
43:13Conduct communication when it comes to conflict and arguing and stuff like that
43:19So I
43:21Decided to
43:29Hey
43:32Okay, okay
43:35You're upset over there stay or leave what have you got for us? What do you want to tell us?
43:44It's just been a really really intense situation for me
43:53For that reason I actually
44:02I
44:04Will look in this experiment when one person says stay and the other rights leave
44:09The couple stay in the experiment until the next commitment ceremony to try and turn it around
44:16And for you guys clearly one of the keys is the way that you fight
44:21now
44:22Certainly over the years that I've been working on married at first sight. I have seen couples
44:28Absolutely turn it around in a short period of time they can do it. That's a fact
44:33so
44:35What we're gonna do is we're going to see the two of you this week
44:41Try and repair to try and do it differently to pivot as we've talked about and particularly focus on your communication
44:48but what we are going to do is
44:50We're going to
44:52Have an intervention with you where we will get you to start looking in a bit of a deeper way about how you can communicate
45:00So that you have a chance this week to really turn it all around
45:04Sounds good. You're matched for a reason
45:06We think you've got the ability to at least be curious to see if you can turn it around. That's all we're asking
45:12All right with that being said we're gonna send you back to the group
45:17but for now, thank you for your honesty and your rawness and
45:21How frank and open you've been because that's allowed us into your relationship so that we have an understanding of where you can go
45:28But for now go back to the group
45:31Thanks
45:42The seeing CJ cry there next to me was tough
45:46It's never nice to see anyone cry particularly business because of us and then hearing her say leave
45:53Afterwards while crying that was quite intense
45:58These nights are pivotal for you learning about your relationship
46:03We wish you all the best this week, but do not rest on your laurels. You have to roll your sleeves up and work
46:11If we can get a little bit more progress over the coming days and open up a ball, maybe we can explore what could happen
46:19Make your partner the priority I
46:24Mean I want to be hopeful now that Lucy's
46:28birthday
46:29You've got to be a little bit hopeful
46:31Obviously I was ready to leave tonight, and I'm really in shock still the fact that he did right stay
46:37It's actually made me not trust him more
46:46It's really really gonna be tough for me I think going forward
46:54Next time partner swap way
47:00The worst thing that could happen with a partner swap
47:03Is that they start to desire that person
47:07World secrets fan the flames of suspicion. She didn't really go into detail about the poses. She did
47:13Ivy's step should have been more honestly pity and
47:17Will their challenges if you want to make this work?
47:21You're gonna have to move prove too much for some I haven't once been asked my sub
47:26It's like constant iterations of like are you gonna change you're gonna change your change?