Tell It Like It Is -- Dr. Dharius Daniels
Transcript
00:00Hey, what's up, family? Pastor Darius here. And this is one of the most creative messages we have
00:05ever done. And so if you're a woman that's married to a man, that's raising a man,
00:10that was raised by a man, that's friends with a man, you just want to, as the Bible says,
00:14dwell with him according to knowledge. You want to increase your understanding.
00:18This message is going to help you do that. I didn't preach it by myself. It was a tag team
00:22effort. We're teaching the same truths, but from different perspectives. And I believe it's going
00:28to help you gain a greater understanding and greater empathy for the men in your life.
00:36We want you to know sometimes you don't feel like a hero. I got one request. If this message
00:41blesses you, click that share button, send it to somebody else. Take care.
00:46Come on, clap your hands. Thank you. Thank you for being such an understanding,
00:52such an understanding congregation. All right. Well, I want to jump right into God's word.
00:58We are in part five of a series called Ghosted. And I want to read a verse of scripture found
01:05in John chapter number 16, beginning at verse 12. And I'm going to be reading from the New
01:09International Version, family. And this is how it reads. It says,
01:15I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the spirit of truth comes,
01:23he will guide you into all truth. I want you, this is the 115, so I can do this at the 115, right?
01:35Okay. I want you right here at the 115 to say it. Don't touch your neighbor. Don't look at your
01:41neighbor, but just say it so your neighbor can hear you. All right. Here it is. Here's this. Now,
01:47listen, don't tell nobody, but the other three services didn't get this topic. This fresh off
01:53the press. This customized for the 115. Here it is. Here it is. I want you to say this, but don't
02:04look at your neighbor, just say it. Here's the topic. Tell it like it is. Clap your hands if
02:12you're ready for God's Word. Family, John 16 allows us to eavesdrop on a conversation that
02:26some biblical historians call the farewell discourse. Somebody say farewell. It is one
02:33of Jesus' final, it is actually Jesus' final conversation with his disciples as a group
02:40before his death. And because he is getting ready to transition from earth to heaven,
02:49he is giving, he's engaging in some communication with the purpose of properly preparing them
02:57on how to manage life without him in this form. And as he begins to talk about his impending exit,
03:05it creates some anxiety on the inside of the disciples. That's normal. That's expected.
03:11For three years, he's been teaching them. For three years, he's been mentoring them. For three
03:16years, he's been coaching them. And now all of a sudden, he's telling them he's about to leave them.
03:23They begin to be filled with anxiety and angst. And he said, calm down.
03:29I never arrange an exit without orchestrating an entrance.
03:38Calm down. If something, if I arrange or orchestrate something going out of your life,
03:45maybe I did so to create space because something better, different, and more consequential
03:53is getting ready to come into your life. Come on. If we were to go back to the Old Testament
04:00and use language that we see in the book of Deuteronomy, it makes sense now why the writer
04:06says, we blessed, don't mess with me, in my coming in. And we blessed in my going out.
04:19That I'm blessed when there's an entrance and I'm blessed when there's an exit.
04:25Because sometimes an exit is simply God rearranging the furniture in my life
04:32to make room for something else that's getting ready to come in. And this is what Jesus is saying
04:39in John 16. He's saying, I got to go. He says to them these words, it is better for you if I go.
04:47What you prefer me to do isn't what you need me to do. And I love you too much to give you what
04:54you prefer at the expense of what you need. We got to move on. It's Father's Day. But I want
05:01to know, am I talking to anybody that will praise God for what he didn't do?
05:10The stuff you wanted, the stuff you asked for, the stuff you believe for, the stuff you were
05:16waiting on him to do, the things you were aggravated by and agitated with him about
05:22because he didn't do it. But when you look back over your life now and you see what he did do
05:28and compare it to what he didn't do, you ought to praise God one more time for not answering that
05:35prayer. And here's what Jesus says. He says, what's coming into your life, he calls him a helper,
05:45he calls him a comforter. But here in John 6, 16 verses 12 and 13, he calls him the spirit of truth.
05:53He's saying, hey, what's coming, the Holy Spirit is the spirit of truth. And here's what he says,
06:03he's going to lead and he's going to guide you into all truth.
06:11You're going to be exposed when I leave to a lot of different teaching.
06:15And people are going to be saying a lot of different things. And you're going to need a
06:19filter to put what they're saying through. So to make sure you don't get arrested and by and caught
06:28up in that which is unhelpful, ungodly, he says, I'm going to give you something on the inside of
06:35you to let you know whether or not what you're being exposed to is actually true, because
06:42everything that sounds good isn't sound. So he says the Holy Spirit will lead and guide you
06:51into all truth. And I did some digging there to see what this word truth actually means.
06:57And it is a word that means reality. It's powerful, right? He's saying what the Holy
07:04Spirit will do, he will expose when you've been living in an illusion, and then lead you
07:10out of that illusion into reality. He will lead you into what's really real, not what you think
07:17is real. Come here. He will lead you into the way the world really works, not the way you think it
07:22works. Come here. He will lead you into the way relationships really work, not the way you think
07:28they ought to work, not what podcasters say about them working, not what preachers say about them
07:32working, but what I say about them working. I'm going to lead you into all truth. Come here.
07:39If you're farting over, you'll feel this. He will lead you out of the matrix
07:50and into reality. And this is what truth does, is it exposes us to where we've been operating
07:59on assumptions and illusions and not truth. And on this Father's Day, I think the Holy
08:07Ghost wants to help us in this area, not just practically, but relationally when it comes to
08:13our men, a kingdom asset, our men. I'm going to say it one more time, a kingdom asset, our men.
08:24I'm talking about your fathers, your brothers, your friends, your nephews, your sons,
08:34your cousins. Come on here. I don't have time, but there has always been a spiritual,
08:40and it has manifested itself in societal and familial patterns. There's been this spiritual
08:45assault from Pharaoh's attempt to commit genocide with Hebrew male children. That's how Moses got,
08:56come on, all the way to the New Testament with Herod trying to do the same thing when he heard
09:01Jesus was being born. There's an assault on our men, but at Change Church, we're forming a circle
09:08around our men, and we're saying the devil is a liar. No weapon formed against my son will prosper.
09:17No weapon formed against, come on, my nephew will prosper. Come on, wives, no weapon formed
09:24against my husband will prosper. I'm going to pray until fire falls. I'm going to stay on my knees
09:30until he get up. I'm going to grab ahold to the horns of the altar, and I'm going to say like
09:40Jacob, I will not let you go until you bless him. But here it is. Here's one of the things
09:51that the enemy's doing. He's assaulting men with friendly fire.
10:01Yeah, yeah, friendly fire. And some of the friendly fire is not intentional. It's because
10:07we're not properly informed on what the man needs and what life is like for him.
10:14So today, I believe the Holy Spirit wants to upgrade our understanding
10:22of the men that we love and who can help us with this more than men. I can't do this by myself.
10:32So I solicited the help of some made men to help me finish this presentation
10:38in the form of a conversation to help us upgrade our understanding
10:44of men. I got a few brothers that are going to help me tell it like it is.
10:51Welcome these made men to the platform on today. Come on, we can do better than that.
11:01Rob, Rick, Marcus, and Teddy. So family, we've curated a few statements that we believe
11:15to be statements that will help increase your understanding and hopefully your empathy
11:21for the men in your lives. And so I'm going to say and share the statement. We're going to engage
11:26in conversation around it. Let's get right to it. Number one, y'all ready? Number one,
11:33most of us, a lot of the time, don't feel like we're doing a good job.
11:42Most of us, a lot of the time, don't even feel like we're doing a good job.
11:48Brothers, what say ye to these things?
11:56Well, let's talk about it then. Let's talk about it. In my situation growing up, I didn't have a
12:02father in the house. So I didn't have a measure or gauge to know what a good father or a good
12:07husband looks like. So even when I got married to my wife, I used to just try to figure it out as I
12:14go. And sometimes I gauged that on how well I'm stewarding my kids and my wife, how well they're
12:20doing. That showed me and made me feel that either I was doing a good job or I wasn't.
12:27And I know for a fact that a lot of times we, as men, we put so much pressure on performance
12:34and pleasing everybody and making sure everybody's all right that we don't take the time to make sure
12:38we're good. And we don't have that covering and we don't do the necessary work, even spiritually,
12:43to make sure we are being led the right way and by the right person. So I made sure in my life that
12:51I always leaned on God's Word and what God asked me to do and how to steward my wife and how to
12:56steward my kids is what I went off of. And then I started this exercise that I didn't talk about
13:02earlier, but which was, it was good with the kids, meaning I always asked my daughters,
13:08how well am I doing as a father? Rate me one to ten. My daughter always gave me a ten. Daddy,
13:13might be a nine because you didn't let me do that last night. But I still stayed way up there. But
13:19then when I, it might wasn't the best exercise I do with my wife all the time. Because sometimes
13:25she would give me that nine, ten, and I'm thinking I'm doing amazing. Then other times she'll say,
13:30baby, you're a two. And I'd be like, a two? And she'd be like, yeah, baby, you got some work to
13:35do. So in our relationship, man, I make sure I make it a necessity to make sure I ask my family
13:45and ask what am I doing and how can I be better? That's good. Clap your hands for that, everybody.
13:51Powerful. Powerful. Anybody else want to speak into that? Yeah, I think it's super tough to
13:58navigate and to score. Like, how are we doing? It's like, I was watching the fight last night.
14:04Mm-hmm. And I was thinking about like, each of the judges get a scorecard based on their
14:10perception of how they scored about. Yes. So it's like, in the relationship with our wives,
14:16our family, we're basically saying, how do we score? Is it the effort I put out? Is it the
14:22intention I had in mind when I did the thing that you said for me to do? Or is it how you receive it?
14:27Marcus. So what's the scorecard? My scorecard got me up by 10.
14:34I'm up. Right? Because my intention was to make you happy and the effort was there,
14:39but your perception of how you received it got me losing that round. So it's super hard because it's
14:46a to death do us part. So that means every day I'm competing in something that some days I'm tired
14:53and need grace to say, okay, how do I score? How well I'm doing in a space that I got to be
14:59vulnerable to your answer. Clap. Did y'all hear what he just said?
15:11Before we move on to the next one, anybody got anything else there that you want to add?
15:15Um, so since we don't think we're doing a good job, it's imperative that
15:23the person who voice matters the most in our lives reaffirm the fact that we are doing a good job.
15:31Because in the day-to-day operations of a relationship, just nitpicking, you can pass over
15:39some good efforts like Marcus was talking about. It might not turn out how he wanted it to turn
15:44out, but the intentions was there. Right? And I know one time my wife, she was with some friends
15:51and they was talking and I don't know all the conversation, but the part I got, she said,
15:57her friend told her, she said, oh, you and your wife, you and your husband got a house? Y'all
16:01going to be married a year? She's like, man, my husband been married 10 years. We don't have a
16:05house. And so my wife came back and said, baby, I appreciate you. And that meant a lot to me
16:12that she was in a conversation. I don't know, you know, all the gist of the conversation,
16:18but what was said sparked something in her to come back and encourage me. So what I'm saying
16:23to the women in the house is encourage your man. If he took out the trash, encourage him.
16:30Because like Petey stated in his intro, it's enough against us already. But if we can get that,
16:37we can get that, I love you. I appreciate you. I see what you're doing from the lady
16:41whose voice matters the most. That's everything.
16:45Clap your hands for that, everybody. That's so powerful.
16:52And family, I want you to think about this. Of course, it's true for women too,
16:56but this is Father's Day, so we're kind of leaning in on this angle. Every generation
17:01of men have to be something different than they've seen, even if they saw a man do it
17:08well in his generation. What I have to be to my kids in this generation is not what my father
17:16had to be to me. Because the world I am preparing them to live in is different than the world
17:25he was preparing me to live in. So even when you have an example, in some sense, in the home,
17:31you still don't have a blueprint that always works for every generation. And because of that,
17:37there's going to be a degree of, with a man at least who's humbly trying to get it right,
17:42there's going to be a degree of healthy insecurity there because every man in each generation,
17:50to some degree, you're not just following a pattern, you're having to create a blueprint.
17:57And so I think it's important to keep that in mind. Prayer, pray into that, give grace for that
18:06because every man in every generation, whether it's being a husband or a father,
18:11is trying to figure out how to do it in this age and in this era.
18:15Number two, really simple, we have trauma too.
18:23I don't hear any amens in this Baptist Methodist Presbyterian Pentecostal church.
18:32No, we have trauma too. One of the things that I saw in the Bible is like the Bible talks a lot
18:36about what happens to people, and in this case, particularly men, but it doesn't talk a whole lot
18:42about how it impacts people. And when you look at some of the things that people went through in
18:47the Bible, like we could go to Joseph and talk about him being betrayed by his brothers, brothers
18:52plotting to kill him, being falsely accused by Potiphar's wife. We could go to Job who literally,
18:58and anybody that's ever built anything, I want you to think about this. You spend your whole
19:01life building something and it's gone in a day. No, no, think about that. Sit in that for a minute.
19:10You spent your whole life building something and it's gone, the business is gone in a day,
19:16and all the money you stacked, gone. That's what happened to Job. Then his kids died.
19:27Then the wife who said, for better or worse, gets caregiver fatigue and looks at him,
19:33and I'm paraphrasing, and she says, it would be easier for me if you weren't here anymore.
19:40Somebody say trauma. We got trauma too. Brethren, what say ye to these things?
19:53Who's talking about trauma? Trauma? No, no, you could have went.
19:59There's a reality, right, of because how strong we can be perceived and how much we carry in the
20:11realities of our responsibilities, that the assumption can be made that we don't have
20:16issues and circumstances and things that we may be dealing with presently or avoiding that occurred
20:22to us previously. It's this truth that I could have a silent struggle, but it produces a very
20:30real scar. Very often, I'm going to live out from the place of that scar. I may live from trying to
20:37hide it from you seeing it, or I may be avoiding dealing with the hurt that I experienced before,
20:45but just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean I don't have it. Just because you don't
20:49see it doesn't mean I'm not dealing with it. The question that kind of exists there is,
20:54are there enough safe spaces with the people who say they care about us the most for us to at least
21:02talk about the scar without being judged for the injury? Clap your hands. Wow. Wow.
21:13Wow. Anybody else want to speak into that? Yeah, we were talking earlier about, I was at an event
21:20and a guy was talking about trauma and entrepreneurship and business space, and he was
21:26explaining, he had us go through an exercise and he was explaining how trauma hides itself. I couldn't
21:31resonate with the exercise, so I asked him some questions afterwards and he told me that, hey,
21:37overworking is a trauma response. He says, so your trauma response is to overwork because the
21:43trigger is emotional avoidance. He says, so you prefer to be actively doing something so you don't
21:52have to sit in the voice of those things that you're processing. So overworking feels good
21:58because you get praised for the result of the work instead of the inner work of working on yourself.
22:04Yes. Yeah. And I think, let me say this one thing. I think if, I never saw that that way
22:17until you mentioned it in a service earlier today. And I think so many of us can be dealing with that
22:21and not even know it. So we're acting out of trauma that's been undiscovered or undiagnosed
22:25or unattended to. And I think this is why conversations like this is so important.
22:30Because I think for people hearing this, if there's a workaholic in your life,
22:35now maybe you have a little bit more grace for it. Not that you excuse it, but you've got grace for it
22:44because you see sometimes that maybe that workaholism is not the problem, it's a symptom.
22:52And I've been talking, I've been trying to figure this out and how to navigate this
22:59in some theological spaces I'm in, the traumatic impact of poverty.
23:08And depending on the depth of poverty you experience and the hopelessness that you felt
23:16when you dealt with it, sometimes that alone produces a drivenness that comes from fear
23:26and a commitment to never revisit that season.
23:35And I think sometimes unintentionally other things become casualties that you didn't intend to kill,
23:45but you don't realize and recognize that the drivenness is not because you're being led
23:52by God, it's because you're being pushed by fear and the fear of never going back to that again.
24:03And you get to, and here's the illusion of wealth, there isn't a dollar amount that gets you there.
24:14And if you think there is, you ain't got enough yet
24:17because there isn't a dollar amount that gets you there because whenever you get to one level,
24:23when you graduate from one level, you graduate into the bottom of another one.
24:35So, that issue isn't fixed by that, it's fixed by internal work. So, I think that's
24:41something, never an excuse. We're not here making an excuse for anything,
24:46but we want you to understand the reasons. Make sense? All right. Let's go to number three.
24:54Our lack of words don't mean lack of care.
25:04We got one amen over on the right side, brother.
25:08Here's what I've seen in the Bible, like the Bible, let's take the story of Mary and the
25:12announcement that she's going to carry the Messiah. We hear what the angel says to Mary,
25:17we see what Mary says back to the angel. We don't hear anything that Joseph says
25:23to Mary or the angel. And of course, I'm sure he cared about these things,
25:29but he didn't have a lot of words. The Bible says he was contemplating putting her away,
25:35the Bible says, privately in his heart, he was going to do this. So,
25:40brethren, what say ye to this? Our lack of words don't mean lack of care.
25:49I could go. Everybody paused.
25:54Lack of words.
25:58For there were a few years I served professional athletes and the nature of their work required
26:03extreme focus, diligence, physical exertion. So, by the time they got home, they just didn't have
26:11it to give. They spent their entire day doing this work that their partner was often perceiving as
26:21like, man, you've been out playing sports all day, you've been having fun. And they're like,
26:25yo, this was actually a lot of physical exertion, it required a lot of me. So, I wanted to come home
26:30and just be present with you. That didn't mean I didn't, I don't care, I don't have love to show,
26:37I just don't have it in me. And the best way I want to show you I care is by sitting here,
26:43and I might fall asleep. But I came in the room because I care,
26:50I just had a word to actually give you in that moment.
26:53It's good, good. Ross?
26:57I think sometimes with lack of words, I think it's a better way to phrase it as lack of verbal
27:03words. Because typically when we see a problem, we're in our mind processing how to fix it.
27:10So, our expression is an action that you see later. It's not words you hear.
27:17Wow. Yeah, so it's not words you hear. And it's hard because I'm navigating it as well,
27:25like simultaneously when my wife is talking to me, she's talking to two different people.
27:31She's talking to me as a man and me as her husband. So, as a man, there's conversation,
27:38there's inner dialogue I have with myself. Jesus.
27:42Jesus. And then there's also how I receive her dialogue and the responsibilities that come with
27:47all of that. So, my words require that I have conversation with myself, conversation with her,
27:54and an expression to say, I care about you, but I'm trying to figure out what do I need to,
28:00to be the type of person you would need me to be.
28:03Yeah, yeah. Clap your hands for that. Anybody want to weigh in on that?
28:09So, through your ministry, you helped me understand that women,
28:17like they require more information sometimes, right? Y'all want more information,
28:27but what I had to learn and me and my wife in our relationship is that sometimes the few words that
28:36the man give you is a loaded statement, right? And got this from you too. Listen, listen to hear,
28:47not listen to respond because that's where a lot of the breakdown is coming in because we're telling
28:54you what it is we want you to know, but are you really listening to us? Wow. Because this setting
29:03right here is from the barbershop. If you could be a fly on the wall in the barbershop, it's a safe
29:10place that men get vulnerable, talk to each other, say some stuff, and advice coming in there, you'd
29:18be like, dang, that's good. It's going down. And we hear, if a dude, for instance, if I'm in the
29:25barbershop, me, Ike, and all of us in the barbershop, Ike come in there and say, what's up Ike, you good?
29:29He like, boy, look at here. We already know what that means in certain instances, right? But if he
29:37said it to a woman, she going to be like, what happened? Did the car break down? Did you get
29:44fired? Did you lose your job? Did you like, it's a whole, it's like, no babe. Well, what happened?
29:51My barber was out of town. You see what I'm saying? So we got to listen to, you know,
30:01listen to hear, right? Listen to hear, and then we're going to tell you everything you need to
30:07know. Clap your hands for Rick, everybody. Were you about to weigh in, or were you?
30:18No, no, I'm going to let y'all have it. I'm going to let y'all have it. I'm going to let you have it.
30:20But one thing I have learned from you is practicing meekness and being wise and make
30:27sure the words that you speak resonate and you say the right things. So having a wife,
30:32I've learned to be quiet. I've learned to just listen. And I learned that when I speak,
30:39I make sure I let the Holy Spirit talk to me first before I say anything to her.
30:43Holy Spirit, give it to me. I need it all, Holy Spirit. Just so I know how to respond.
30:50Help me, Holy Ghost. Yes, sir.
30:52So I know how to respond to her in such a way that always honors her.
30:56No, that's powerful. That's good. That's good.
30:57Powerful. Clap your hands for incredible. All right, we're getting ready to wrap up. Let's
31:04do this one. We feel the pressure to provide and be present. And the reason we feel the pressure
31:15is because the Bible instructs men to do both. So it's different when a man is in a season where,
31:25for whatever reason, he is unable to. That's different. The Bible says, though,
31:30if a man is unwilling to provide, he's actually worse, Paul says, than an unbeliever.
31:39So there's this command and biblical expectation for a man to be a provider.
31:46Then there's also this biblical expectation for a man to be what Christ is to the church,
31:52to his spouse, to not just raise children but to train them.
32:00And both of those things require presence. And we feel the pressure to do both.
32:09Brothers, let's speak to this. What say ye to these things?
32:12I guess I can start this one, man. It has been hard because the Bible does speak on that. And
32:26that weighs in on a lot of pressures that men deal with, period. Because in life and just society in
32:33itself, we're always measured by finances and the things that we do in life successful. So
32:42even having a family, we always want to provide, we always want to have that safe space where our
32:46kids and even our future generations can be beneficiary to the things that we've accomplished
32:52in life. But at the same time, we got to make sure we nurture the family aspect of it because
32:59if you create too big a gap that the devil can come in and operate because you're chasing the bag,
33:05then he can destroy you from the inside. So it's one that I'm still trying to navigate. I've been
33:12blessed enough to where my business has allowed me to be home a lot, but I don't know what it
33:17would look like if God gave me an opportunity where I had to be away. And I knew it from him
33:23and I had to take it and it calls for me to be away from my family. I don't know what I would
33:27do. That would be a tough one for me to figure out. But it's pressure. Good. Clap your hands
33:34for that vulnerability, everybody. Come on. Vulnerable men, yeah. Anybody else want to speak
33:41into that before we go to our final one? Yeah. So with that pressure to provide,
33:49sometimes kids, man, they will help you understand and navigate that. And what I mean is
33:57when I first got incarcerated and I told my daughter, I said, hey, when daddy come home,
34:01I'm going to buy you whatever you want. And she said, I don't want you to buy me anything.
34:07I just want you to come home. Right? So that says those kids will love you if they live in
34:18a one-bedroom apartment. Jesus. Or if they, or your wife, because think about it. Most people
34:24that started out, sometimes they started out and they had nothing together and they get it.
34:29Sometimes the process and the getting drives them apart. Right? And so now they got this big house
34:37that's not a home, but when they had this small, a one-bedroom apartment, it was a home.
34:43So the balance has to come in that, like I said, on the last service, if I'm always gone,
34:49we don't have a home. If I'm always home, we don't have money. So you got to have a balance,
34:57but you can't go to either extreme. Yeah. Right. That's right. If you go, if I lean too,
35:02if I lean, like Ross said, if I lean too far, too far to chasing the bag,
35:05then the family's falling apart. Yeah. But like PD says, he wants to create a space
35:11to give his children options. And that's the conundrum that men deal with. Yes. Right. And so
35:18as a help me, we need your support and help. Jesus. Right. To provide for this family.
35:28Because if you, if you, if you put all this weight on me to go out there and get the bag and I'm gone.
35:32And then when I come in, you telling me about where the kids fell in and this fell in,
35:36my knees ain't being met. And then I say, okay, I'm going to pull back. And then now you're talking
35:40being met. And then I say, okay, I'm going to pull back. And then now you talking about the
35:44bills. Like, okay, what, what, what do I do? What, what do I do? So, so prayerfully,
35:53prayerfully help your man. And like the couple, like we, we got to prayerfully help each other
35:59manage that. Yeah. Yeah. It is powerful.
36:04We're going to powerful. We're going to, y'all enjoying this?
36:10So we're getting ready to wrap up. This is our last one here, but this is not, we've been saying
36:14this all day. This pressure to provide and be present is not a problem that can be solved.
36:20It is a tension that you have to manage because the Bible requires you doing both.
36:27And sometimes that is a juggling act. That is a balancing act. There's probably always going to
36:32be some tension there. And it is not a problem that gets completely solved. It's a tension to be
36:36managed. And it's not always an issue of the nature of the career. Some people may say,
36:42well, this person doesn't travel as much. And as a result of not traveling as much,
36:48they can be more present. When Rick told us at an earlier service, there was a season
36:53where he would work, I think leave for work at four in the morning and not get back home to eight
36:59at night. So he wasn't traveling, but the nature of the career was so demanding time-wise that
37:07you can't make football practices when you're doing that. So it's not always a problem to be
37:15solved. It's a tension to be managed. It is I got to do the best I can in the season I'm in
37:22with what I got available. I got to work with what God's given me to work with.
37:27Here's the way one writer put it. He says, find joyful contentment with God's current
37:37choice of provision in my life in this season. This is what he's given me to work with.
37:45And I'm going to do the best I can with that. Last but not least, we're literally closing on
37:50this one. And that is there are times where we feel like our emotions are dismissed.
38:00Somebody speak to that as we wrap up today.
38:03I can definitely speak to that. I think the best example that comes to mind is like
38:09understanding our life is kind of like this. We have a limited supply to pour into everything
38:17we're responsible for stewarding. So oftentimes, our emotions are dismissed because the little bit
38:24that's left for us, we sometimes need someone to give to us what they need us to give to them.
38:29And because we're a man, we're expected to find a place to refuel ourselves.
38:35So we have to be one person for everything and for everybody,
38:38while sometimes emotionally we're empty.
38:40Well, I don't have anything else to say after that. That's all I got.
38:57I think one of the things that you guys hear us mention around here a lot is,
39:05and I try to do it regularly when I remind you of our vision. And when I say what the vision is
39:11each week, it's not because I forgot I said it last week. It is part of the job of any leader
39:17is to be a chief reminding officer. Mission drifts, vision leaks, and you've got to keep it before
39:24your people. And if people can't finish your sentences from time to time, it means you're
39:30not saying it enough. And one of the things that we say about the vision here is to be a spiritual
39:36family. And here's what that does. That's not a replacement for natural family, but it's a
39:42supplement. It's God's way of saying, hey, I'm going to make sure that what you need as a person
39:50isn't at the mercy of what somebody in your house does or doesn't give you.
39:56What you don't get in natural family, I'll connect you to a spiritual family.
40:01And it'll never be a substitute because if daddy not there, nobody feel that void like daddy.
40:10It's not a substitute, but it's a supplement. Helps ease some of that burden. And we want to
40:19say to all of the men in the house, we don't know what you're missing. We don't know what
40:24those deficits are, and I don't claim we can fix them all. And we can't be a substitute
40:32for everything that you need. For here in this church, we want to be a supplement,
40:38spiritual family. We want you to know you matter, your emotions matter, and you're doing a good job.
40:46What I can do for you is lead you to the rock that is higher than I.
40:54What I can do is put you in the hands of the one that can fix what I can't fix,
41:01that can mend whatever's broken. God is in the business of mending men.
41:09God is in the business of mending men. And as we conclude our service today,
41:16before we walk out of this building, if you're a man here, I want you to know I'll never do
41:23anything to embarrass you. I'll stretch you, but I'm never going to do anything that intentionally
41:28makes you uncomfortable. So if I ask you to do something, I'm asking you for a reason.
41:33So I want every man, father or not,
41:37in this room, would you give me the privilege of praying for and praying over you before we leave?
41:44And would you let this congregation see the miracle of men that are in the house of God
41:50today by just making your way as close as you can to the front of this stage?
41:55Y'all should be going crazy for all of these men. Come on. This is the fourth service.
42:17Come on, brothers, get as close as you can.
42:25Listen to me. There was a time I was just dealing with some deep regret.
42:34Here's one of the things I've learned about grace. For most of us, we're really good at
42:38giving it to other people. We're not really good at giving it to us. I think it's a struggle I
42:46probably still have, and it's one of the areas where my pastor helps me. Spiritual leaders should
42:53be rich where you're poor. And that's the area he's rich in, I'm poor in. And I was wrestling
43:02through some stuff, just giving myself, I just really think too hard on myself about some stuff.
43:07And he said to me, he said, Darius, did you learn the lesson? I said, yes, sir. He said,
43:15have you made the U-turn? I said, yes, sir. So he says to me, if regret would help you
43:25in any way, I promise I'll let you stay in it.
43:34He says, you're talking about, you're obsessed with this time that you missed and this time you
43:39can't get back and you were grinding and building and running and doing it all in the name of Jesus.
43:46But some of those years were a blur for you. You were at games, but you weren't at games.
43:53You was watching the kids play t-ball, but you weren't there.
43:58He says, if regret, if living in that would help you in any way, I would. But if you stay in the
44:04past, you can't fix it in the present. You can't change the future. So he set me free with this.
44:13He says, these words I never forgot. I want to give you the gift that my pastor gave to me.
44:17He said, man, you did the best you could with what you knew in that season.
44:27And brothers, I want to give you that gift. And he said to me, he said, you're doing a good job.
44:36He said, your boys have what 99% of black boys don't have.
44:46A father in the house, giving him the best that he got.
44:52Look at me.
44:57Only you know the hand life dealt you. All things considered,
45:05you're doing a good job with that hand, brother.
45:11You're doing a good job.
45:25Look at me. You're doing a good job.
45:42Good job.
45:49Good job.
46:11I want every brother to put his hand on the shoulder of another brother.
46:15It's a prophetic gesture from this day forward. You do not walk alone.
46:23You got a band of brothers that are standing with you, believing God for you and with you.
46:32We're going to do this together. One step, one day at a time. And for every step we take,
46:41for every step we take, we believe his grace will be sufficient.
46:46So father, I pray for each and every man in this room, whoever will watch this
46:54in the digital space. And I pray as our hands are on each other, would you lay your hands on us?
47:01Would you touch us and impart and release to us what we need? I pray for healing in broken places
47:08that what hadn't been healed in years would be healed in a moment.
47:16I pray that you do for them what you did in Mark 5, that you do it straightway, quickly,
47:21immediately. I pray for the areas where they are emotionally wounded and broken.
47:28Your word says you heal the brokenhearted and you bind up their wounds. I pray that you mend men.
47:36And Lord, I pray for freedom and liberation, that you would break shackles, chains. I pray
47:42for generational cycles and strongholds to be broken. We declare it stops with us and it stops
47:52now. Lord, I thank you for what you're doing in the life of these men. I commit them to you
48:00to do what only you can. And I ask this in Jesus' name.
48:07If you agree with me in faith, say amen. Come on, clap your hands, 115.
48:30Amen.
48:33Amen.
48:59Jesus.
49:03Thank you. I want to pray a benediction. Benediction means final blessing.
49:14So I don't want you to just listen to me pray. I want you to receive this. Somebody say receive it.
49:22I got to go because I feel this prophetic thing on me.
49:26And that's the season summer you're in. That's what God's actually teaching you to do.
49:31Because you don't know how to do that.
49:38You don't know how to do that, but you got to receive. So I want you to receive this. Okay.
49:45May God bless you and keep you. May he cause his face of favor to shine up on you.
49:55May he be gracious and generous to you. May he protect you. May he provide for you.
50:08And above all else, may he grant you peace. This is my prayer for your life in Jesus' name.
50:18Amen. I love you. We'll see you next week.