First broadcast 21st December 1988.
Leo McKern ... Horace Rumpole
Marion Mathie ... Hilda Rumpole
Patricia Hodge ... Phyllida Erskine-Brown
Julian Curry ... Claude Erskine-Brown
Peter Blythe ... Samuel Ballard Q.C.
Abigail McKern ... Liz Probert
Jonathan Coy ... Henry
Richard Murdoch ... Uncle Tom
Denis Lill ... Mr. Bernard
Maureen Darbyshire ... Dianne
Denys Graham ... Hoskins
Bob Sessions ... Cy Stratton
Leslie Phillips ... 'Boxey' Horne
Jim Dunk ... Stanley Culp
Ian Chuck Berry ... Matthew Culp
Henry Power ... Tristan Erskine-Brown
Katharyn Ballantyne ... Isolde Erskine-Brown (as Katharyn Ballantine)
Martyn Read ... Supt. Rodney
Andy Bradford ... D. I. Blake
Nick Hobbs ... MacRobert
Valerie Hill ... Miss Sturt
Kenton Moore ... Old Bailey Usher
Roger Ostime ... Old Bailey Clerk
Leo McKern ... Horace Rumpole
Marion Mathie ... Hilda Rumpole
Patricia Hodge ... Phyllida Erskine-Brown
Julian Curry ... Claude Erskine-Brown
Peter Blythe ... Samuel Ballard Q.C.
Abigail McKern ... Liz Probert
Jonathan Coy ... Henry
Richard Murdoch ... Uncle Tom
Denis Lill ... Mr. Bernard
Maureen Darbyshire ... Dianne
Denys Graham ... Hoskins
Bob Sessions ... Cy Stratton
Leslie Phillips ... 'Boxey' Horne
Jim Dunk ... Stanley Culp
Ian Chuck Berry ... Matthew Culp
Henry Power ... Tristan Erskine-Brown
Katharyn Ballantyne ... Isolde Erskine-Brown (as Katharyn Ballantine)
Martyn Read ... Supt. Rodney
Andy Bradford ... D. I. Blake
Nick Hobbs ... MacRobert
Valerie Hill ... Miss Sturt
Kenton Moore ... Old Bailey Usher
Roger Ostime ... Old Bailey Clerk
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00This episode is called Rumpole and Portia. Portia is Miss Phyllida Trant, whom you may
00:12remember was a tearful pupil in Rumpole's chambers and he looked after her and taught
00:18her about the law. He calls her Portia after the main character in The Merchant of Venice
00:24who comes down to the courtroom dressed as a lawyer and saves Antonio from having a pound
00:31of flesh cut off him and given to Shylock. So that's why he calls her Portia. Unfortunately
00:38for Rumpole in this episode Portia becomes a judge, a recorder, which is a type of criminal
00:45judge and as soon as the judge's gown comes on her she really changes her character and
00:53becomes a pretty tough person for Rumpole to appear before, although he'd hoped that his
01:00Portia whom he looked after might be quite an easy tribunal.
01:53Dad! Dad! Breakfast Dad!
02:13Coming!
02:15Ow! Special branch!
02:17He's mine!
02:23Stop!
02:53When you're at Bondstead, Tristan, you won't be able to lie in bed until a quarter to eight.
03:09You'll have to get up really early when you go away to school, Tristan.
03:12Oh douche tuppies, Alder!
03:14You know, when I was at Bondstead, we used to be woken up at half past six for early school.
03:19I'd have to break the ice in the dormy basins.
03:21You have told him that, Lord, quite often.
03:24I'd run three times round Tug's Patch before church on Saints' Days.
03:29Did you enjoy that?
03:31Good heavens, no. I absolutely hated it.
03:34Why must you imagine Tristan's going to enjoy that?
03:36Tristan's not going to enjoy it.
03:38You don't enjoy Bondstead exactly. You're not meant to enjoy it.
03:42But you know, if I hadn't gone there, I wouldn't have got into Winchester.
03:48And if I hadn't got into Winchester, I'd never have been to New College.
03:51And I'll tell you something, Tristan.
03:53If I hadn't been to Bogstead, Winchester and New College, I'd never be where I am today.
03:58Which might be just as well.
04:00Whatever do you mean by that?
04:02You'll love it, though, Tristan.
04:04Egg on fried bread for breakfast on Sundays.
04:07That comes as an absolutely super treat.
04:11Don't eat that toast up as Alder, darling.
04:13You've got to build up your strength for Bogstead.
04:15Philly, you may not have noticed this, but Isolde is a girl.
04:19They don't have girls at Bondstead.
04:21Oh, I see. It's a boy's world, is it?
04:24I didn't say that.
04:26Oh, poor old Isolde.
04:27She's going to miss all the fun of breaking the ice at six o'clock in the morning
04:30and running three times around Tug's Patch on Saints' Day.
04:33Poor deprived child.
04:34She might even grow up to be a Queen's Council.
04:37Come on, Philly.
04:39Of course, I'm terrifically glad you've been made a QC.
04:41I think you've done jolly well.
04:43Yes, for a woman.
04:44But it's just not quite the thing, you know.
04:46Well, to crow about it.
04:48I'm sorry, Claude. I don't think I know what the thing is.
04:52Bye-bye, darling. Have a super day.
04:54Oh, Claude, darling, could you take the children?
04:56I'm defending Si Stratton at the West Middlesex.
04:59Si Stratton? Will you get his autograph, Mum?
05:02No, I don't think so, Isolde, darling.
05:04You don't ask for autographs from people you defend.
05:08It's just not the thing, old chap.
05:15Where's the little chap, then?
05:17Upstairs, love.
05:25Matthew Culp?
05:27We're going to take you somewhere. You'll be looked after.
05:30My father looks after me.
05:45Si Stratton is, of course, a household name,
05:48known throughout the world from a string of successful films.
05:51The bench won't, I'm sure, punish him for his fame.
05:55He's entitled to be treated as anyone else found at London Airport,
05:58with a small amount of cannabis for his own personal use.
06:02At the time, he was under considerable strain,
06:05having just completed a new film, um...
06:09Galaxy Wives.
06:11And may I say this?
06:13Si Stratton is absolutely opposed to hard drugs.
06:16He is a prominent member of the Say No to Dope Committee of Los Angeles.
06:21I do, in these circumstances, most earnestly appeal to you, sir,
06:25you and your colleagues, you will do justice to Si Stratton.
06:29But let it be justice tempered with that mercy
06:33which is the hallmark of the West Middlesex Magistrates' Court.
06:38Fine 300 pounds.
06:40Hell, I had that in my pants pocket.
06:42Yes, they might have given you two months.
06:44You wouldn't have had that in your pants pocket.
06:46You got time to crack open a bottle of Dom Perignon?
06:48Er, not really, no.
06:49Come on.
06:50I'm sorry, we do have work to do, you know, at the bar.
06:53300 pounds, that's all.
06:55You've got to get me home, Mr Rumpole.
06:57Oh, yes.
06:58When you've been found delivering automatic rifles to a known terrorist,
07:02the name is Rumpole, old darling, not Houdini.
07:06I can't be kept away, not from my boy.
07:09Your boy?
07:10Matthew.
07:11His son, Mr Rumpole.
07:13Oh?
07:14It's in the proof of evidence.
07:1512 last birthday, wasn't he, Mr Colt?
07:17We've been together ever since his mother took off.
07:19Three and a half Matthew was then.
07:21She said I had nothing romantic in my nature whatsoever.
07:25And then she took off with the manager of Tesco's.
07:2820 years older than me if he was a day.
07:30Can you understand that?
07:31Oh, I suppose some people may find romance in Tesco's.
07:34Well, ever since then, my son and I,
07:37we've made it a sort of rule, you see, to look after each other.
07:41That's why I work from home.
07:43Yes, dealing. In what?
07:45Antiques, bric-a-brac, objet d'art,
07:49anything that'll make a few bob.
07:51Well, you know how it is.
07:52Stolen property?
07:53I never thought it wise to ask too many questions, Mr Rumpole.
07:57Yes, I feel like that sometimes about my practice at the bar.
08:00Well, you know how it is.
08:02Living over the shop is better for Matthew.
08:04It means we can keep an eye on each other.
08:06Yes, Mr Culp, let us leave Matthew out of this for the moment
08:11and let us return to this little matter of the charges against you
08:16under the Firearms Act.
08:17Now, in January last, a man rang and arranged a meeting.
08:21He said he was from the Loyalist League
08:24for Welfare and Succor of Terrorist Victims in Northern Ireland.
08:29Did this philanthropic gentleman have any sort of a name at all?
08:34Banks. He said he was a Mr Banks.
08:37He wanted some space.
08:39The shop's quite big and I undertake storage for people.
08:42I make a few bob that way.
08:44There's a notice about it in the newsagents.
08:46How do you describe him? Tall?
08:48I'd say average.
08:51Yeah, well, fat, thin?
08:53Average.
08:54Average clothes?
08:56Business suit.
08:57Oh, God.
08:59Glasses with gold rims.
09:01Tinted lenses, as I recall.
09:04Had you seen him before?
09:06Never.
09:07Or again?
09:08No.
09:10I said I'd store his packing cases.
09:12He paid me three months in advance.
09:14Oh, yes? How much?
09:15£500.
09:16Oh!
09:17Well, that was his figure.
09:18Where was I to say no?
09:20Business hasn't been that brilliant.
09:24How were they delivered?
09:26Not bad.
09:27Two blokes brought them.
09:28They seemed heavy to lift.
09:29Ah, weighed a bit, did they, for coffin wool and bandages?
09:33I never knew what was in them.
09:35So you said, Mr Cobb.
09:36Later on he telephoned.
09:37Who, Banks?
09:38Yeah.
09:39He said a man from Ireland would be there to arrange collection.
09:43He gave me a name.
09:44Macrobert.
09:46You didn't know that Macrobert was a member of a paramilitary organisation?
09:50Of course not.
09:51All right.
09:52What happened when the man from Ulster arrived?
09:55Well, as I say, he rang the bell downstairs,
09:57and I went and led him into the shop.
09:59I showed him where the packing cases were,
10:01and he said he'd fix up to have them collected.
10:04He said he wanted to open one up and have a look-see.
10:06And did he?
10:07No, we didn't get that far.
10:09The door burst open...
10:10I am the special branch amongst you!
10:13Macrobert made a dash for it.
10:17Then I heard the shot.
10:19And Macrobert is in no position to tell us anything
10:22about the mysterious Mr. Banks.
10:26It's where they put Matthew, Mr. Rumple.
10:28Don't worry, Mr. Culp.
10:29He's being well looked after.
10:30He's been taken into care.
10:32Me too.
10:34We're both in care.
10:36And that's it, isn't it?
10:38And it won't suit either of us.
10:40You see, we used to look in after each other.
10:44Ah!
10:47You're wonderful.
10:50Is that you, Rumple?
10:51Good heavens, now it's the Lord High Chancellor
10:54popped in to read the gas meter.
10:56What are you talking about, Hilda?
10:58Shh, Rumple.
10:59It's Boxie.
11:00Yes, I noticed, coming up out of the underground.
11:02No, no, no. Boxie Hall.
11:04You must have heard me mention my second cousin.
11:06Cousin Nancy's youngest.
11:08Hilda, we've spent interminable evenings
11:10talking about your complicated family...
11:12Is that old Horace, back from the treadmill?
11:16Boxie!
11:17Yes, of course.
11:18Now, you will behave yourself, won't you, Rumple?
11:21Good old Horace, back from the office.
11:24Same time every evening.
11:26I bet you could set your watch by the old fella,
11:28can't you, Hilda?
11:29Well, no, not exactly.
11:31Hilda gave me some of this plonk of yours, Horace.
11:34Oh, yes, the Chateau Thames embankment.
11:38Oh, the 88.
11:39We'd be glad of this, back on the farm in Kenya.
11:42Really?
11:43Not really.
11:44Might have run a couple of tractors on it.
11:47Get Boxie a whiskey, Rumple.
11:49I expect you'd like a nice strong one.
11:51Thank you, Hilda, thank you.
11:52Boxie couldn't get into the Traveller's Club.
11:55Blackballed?
11:56No, full up.
11:57Hilda was good enough to say I might camp here
12:00for a couple of weeks.
12:02Weeks?
12:04Yes, well, I've been knocking around the world, Horace,
12:07while you were off on your nine to five
12:10in a lawyer's office.
12:12Not office, chambers.
12:14Ah, but never a suited old Boxie.
12:17They called him that
12:18because of this beautiful brass bambox he had
12:21when he set out for darkest Africa.
12:23Yeah, I've always been a rover, Horace.
12:25All my worldly goods were in that old box.
12:27Tropical kit, mosquito net,
12:30dinner jacket to impress the natives,
12:33and family photographs,
12:34including one of Cousin Hilda looking so young
12:38and alluring.
12:41You took me to Kenya with you, in your box?
12:45There's the time I've sat alone,
12:47listening to the strange sounds of the African night,
12:51and looked at your photograph.
12:53Oh, Boxie.
12:54You have been looking after Cousin Hilda, haven't you, Horace?
12:57Looking after? Oh, she's in charge.
12:59Oh, you're a sweet, sweet girl, Cousin Hilda.
13:03I've always thought she needed looking after,
13:05but then I suppose I had itchy feet, you know,
13:09couldn't resist the call of Africa.
13:13What were you doing exactly?
13:15Something like finding the source of the Zambezi, were you?
13:19Oh, no, no, not exactly, no.
13:21I was in...
13:23I was eating coffee.
13:26All your life?
13:27Well, most of it.
13:29With the same firm?
13:30Yeah, well, one has certain loyalties, you know, Horace.
13:33You've never seen dawn over Kilimanjaro, have you, Horace?
13:38Oh, pink light on the snow,
13:41zebra stampeding.
13:44What time do you start work?
13:46Well, after my boy had got my bacon and eggs,
13:49coffee and Oxford marmalade,
13:51then I'd ride round the plantation.
13:54About nine?
13:55Yeah, about then, I suppose.
13:56What time do you knock off?
13:58Around sundown, you know, get a chair on the veranda,
14:01shout for a whiskey, a large one.
14:03At five o'clock?
14:04Why do you ask?
14:06Old routine.
14:07What's that, old man?
14:09What a rover you've been.
14:11Have you ever been tiger shooting, Horace?
14:14No, but I've shared the occasional corrido with George Bullingham.
14:18That's risky enough.
14:20Yeah, it's the best sport in the world.
14:22You tie an old goat to a tree and you lie doggo.
14:26Your loader says,
14:27Wanner, tiger coming.
14:29There she is,
14:30eyes glittering through the undergrowth.
14:33She starts to eat the goat
14:35and you aim just above the shoulder
14:38and...
14:39Oh, dear.
14:41Now, Rumpo, what do you think of that?
14:43I think it's bloody hard luck on the goat.
14:49I remember when we used to go to dances at Uncle Jacko's.
14:52Boxy was quite young then.
14:54He used to bring his dancing pumps and a paper bag.
14:57He was simply marvellous with a valita.
14:59Wonder he didn't join the Royal Ballet.
15:02Rumpo, you're jealous.
15:04No, I just thought he might have found
15:06the custard was it a bit more interesting than coffee.
15:10In those days, I got the distinct feeling
15:12that Boxy had taken a bit of a shine to me.
15:15Ah, we look before and after.
15:18We pine for what is not.
15:20A definite shine.
15:22How different my life would have been
15:24if I'd married Boxy
15:26and seen Africa.
15:28Yes, my life would have been a bit different, too.
15:31Oh, yes, of course it would.
15:33I'd better make sure I didn't linger too long in Pomeroy's after work.
15:37No one to stop me having a second helping of mashed potatoes.
15:41Magical.
15:42What did you say, Rumpo?
15:44Tragical, of course.
15:45Any chance of putting the light out, Hilda?
15:48Boxy Horne, come to stay with us.
15:53So much to think about.
15:59In his heart, Tristan's absolutely thrilled about going to Bogstead.
16:02It makes him feel terrifically grown up.
16:04Did Boggers make you feel grown up, Flord?
16:06I can't say I've noticed it.
16:07Philly, please.
16:08Anyway, what's the point of having children
16:10if you're going to send them away?
16:11For long terms of imprisonment.
16:13They haven't even broken the law, most of them.
16:14Rumpo, that was not helpful.
16:16Oh, I think it was extremely helpful.
16:18Tristan should be with his father.
16:20And with me, of course.
16:21Philly, please.
16:22Not in the clerk's room.
16:23I don't mind if Henry hears that.
16:25I'm quite sure Henry would agree with me, wouldn't you, Henry?
16:27How's Erskine Brown?
16:28Oh, Flord, you have an admirer.
16:30I say.
16:31Mrs. Erskine Brown.
16:32Oh, thank you.
16:34Are they from anyone in particular?
16:37Oh, no.
16:39No, flowers just seem to drop on me by accident from the sky.
16:43Do try not to be silly, Flord.
16:45Might be a satisfied client.
16:46Matter of fact, it is.
16:48A Portia, really. Who is it?
16:49Oh, just someone I kept out of prison.
16:51No one tremendously important.
16:53I've never had a gift from a satisfied client.
16:56Come to that, I've not had many clients, either.
17:00Satisfied or otherwise.
17:02Ah, well, I suppose it's better to have no clients
17:05than those that aren't satisfied.
17:08Oh, blast, I'm in a bunker.
17:10Henry, what have I got on this afternoon?
17:12Oh, a 230 Con.
17:14Yes, old Dickie Duckworth had a satisfied client once.
17:18Some sort of Middle Eastern prince
17:20who was supposed to have got a nippy
17:22from Lance Cornerhouse in Pond.
17:24And Dickie turned up at Bow Street and got him off.
17:27Do you know what this chap sent him
17:29as a token of his appreciation?
17:31An Arab stallion.
17:33Well, Dickie Duckworth only had a small flat in Lincoln's Inn.
17:37Oh, well, no one's ever given me an Arab stallion.
17:41I should think if they had, I wouldn't have known how to...
17:44Now, how do I get out of the bunker?
17:46Now, look here.
17:47Do you mind?
17:49Superintendent.
17:50Sorry.
17:51I'm going to Rodney to see Mr. Ballard.
17:57You're a free spirit, Phyllida.
17:59I can tell that.
18:01Underneath that stern, legal look, your spirit is free.
18:04Is it?
18:05That's why I thought we'd go crazy and picnic.
18:08Dom Perignon, like I promised.
18:14You're looking great.
18:16So are you.
18:18No kidding, great.
18:20Great hair, great shape, classy nose, great legal mind.
18:24Don't be silly.
18:26I honestly want us to spend more time together.
18:29Get to know each other a little.
18:31I get great vibes from you, Phyllida.
18:33Oh.
18:35I asked you here because I have a proposition to put.
18:38Perhaps you shouldn't.
18:39Why?
18:40You shouldn't.
18:42I need you, Phyllida.
18:44You may think you do.
18:45I know I do, desperately.
18:47Don't exaggerate.
18:49I swear, there's no one else who can do the things I'd expect of you.
18:53They haven't the versatility.
18:58What would you expect of me, exactly?
19:03Only take over the entire legal side of size-strapped enterprises.
19:07Real estate, audio-visual exploitations, cable promotions.
19:12I want your cool head, Phyllida, and your legal know-how.
19:16Oh, is that what you want?
19:18Come to the sunshine. I'll find you a house on the beach.
19:20I have got two children, you know.
19:22The kids will love it.
19:23And a husband. He's a lawyer, too.
19:25Maybe we can use him.
19:27What do you say?
19:29You don't send children away from home in California, do you?
19:33We should spend some time together.
19:36Yes, I'll think about it.
19:38Can I have a sandwich?
19:43We can spend more time together.
19:45That's all it takes.
19:47Good afternoon.
19:49Having a picnic?
19:50Robert, hi.
19:52You remember Si Stratton?
19:54Of course.
19:55Illegal possession.
19:57A satisfied client.
20:06Claude?
20:08Claude?
20:10Darling, don't you ever long to go to work in an open-neck shirt and cotton trousers?
20:14Good heavens, no.
20:16In an open-neck shirt and cotton trousers, the judges can't even hear you.
20:19You'd be quite inaudible and sent off to the public gallery.
20:22No, I don't mean that, Claude.
20:24I mean, don't you ever long for the sun?
20:26Oh, I see.
20:28Do you want me to book up for Viareggio again?
20:31All right, then.
20:32Not just a holiday, Claude.
20:34A change in our lives.
20:36Shh, Philly.
20:38It's the Liebester.
20:40You're interrupting the love duel.
20:43I think it's been interrupted for some time.
20:46Look, I think it's only fair I should tell you this, Claude.
20:50You see, there is someone I might want to spend more time with.
20:55Mm.
20:57Claude, I might want to spend more time with someone.
21:01Mm-hmm.
21:02In, um, well, you know, a different sort of life.
21:06It's not that I'm in love, in the least.
21:08It's nothing to do with that.
21:10But, you know, sometimes I feel I never want to go back into chambers.
21:13Chambers?
21:15I know you didn't.
21:16There was a letter for you.
21:18Looked important.
21:19So I brought it home with me.
21:21It's from the Lord Chancellor's office.
21:23For me?
21:25Good heavens.
21:27Why ever me?
21:29I have called this chamber's meeting for two reasons.
21:35The first is to congratulate...
21:38Um, Phyllida Erskine-Brown,
21:41um, who has received gratifying news from the Lord Chancellor's office.
21:45She has been made a recorder.
21:47And so, from time to time, during the intervals of her busy practice,
21:51will sit in as a criminal judge.
21:53Oh, Portia, a Danielle come to justice.
21:55Thank you very much. As a matter of fact, this comes as a bit of a shock.
21:58Of course, we all know the Lord Chancellor is anxious to promote women,
22:01so perhaps, Phyllida, you found the law a little easier than it has been for some of us.
22:05Yes, I suppose we might have seen you as Lord Chancellor by now, Ballard,
22:09if you'd been born Samantha instead of Sam.
22:12My second duty is a less pleasant one.
22:15Something has occurred which, in a respectable barrister's chambers, is quite inexcusable.
22:19An officer of the special branch called to see me in conference.
22:22He walked into the clerk's room and was struck on the ankle by a golf ball.
22:27I need hardly say who was responsible.
22:29Uncle Tom.
22:30Yes, I know, I know.
22:32That's why I asked Uncle Tom not to attend this meeting.
22:34Yes, he's been playing golf in there for as long as I can remember.
22:37It wasn't Uncle Tom's fault. I distinctly heard him shout for.
22:40Well, he shouldn't be shouting for or anything else.
22:42The clerk's room is for collecting briefs and discussing with Henry a chap's availability.
22:46It is not for shouting for and driving off into people's ankles.
22:50He wasn't driving off.
22:51He was driving off.
22:52He wasn't driving off. He was getting out of a bunker.
22:54In any event, he shouldn't be practicing golf in the clerk's room.
22:56It is quite unnecessary.
22:57Of course it is.
22:59Well, I'm glad you admit it.
23:02It's like great poetry. That's unnecessary.
23:05You can't eat it. It doesn't make you money.
23:07I suppose there are some people, Ballard, who can get through life like you
23:10without words worth sonnet upon Westminster Bridge.
23:14What we're discussing here is the quality of life.
23:17Uncle Tom adds an imaginative tone to what would otherwise be
23:22a dusty, dreary little clerk's office full of barristers, biscuits and briefs.
23:27Uncle Tom and his golf balls are, in my considered opinion,
23:30a quite unnecessary health hazard.
23:32I am asking him to vacate his room.
23:34You're going to ask him to leave?
23:36Exactly that.
23:37If Uncle Tom goes, I go.
23:41That would seem to make the departure of Uncle Tom even more desirable.
23:45Ha, ha, ha. See?
23:48Oh, you are nice.
23:52You'll take the high road and I'll take the low road.
23:56I'll be in Zimbabwe before you.
24:00Me and my true love will never meet again
24:05on the bonnie, bonnie banks of Limpopo.
24:10Grandpa, have you been drinking?
24:12Not more than usual, Hilda. I have news for you.
24:17I have news for Boxing.
24:19My feet itch.
24:21What has to be better?
24:23Do you know I can smell that hot wind of Africa?
24:26I can hear the scream of parrots and the chatter of monkeys in the jungle.
24:30I want to see the elephant and the gazelle
24:33troop shyly down to the waterhole at midnight.
24:37Ah, do you know, Boxing, old darling,
24:40you have inspired me. I'm leaving the bar.
24:43You're talking nonsense.
24:45Yes, I've had it in my resignation.
24:47You've done what?
24:48I have informed our learned head of chamber,
24:50Sophie Sam Bollard, Queen's Counsel,
24:52that I no longer wish to be part of an organisation
24:55that will not tolerate golf in the classroom.
24:57Uncle Tom!
24:58Of course.
24:59I've never understood why he had to play golf in the classroom in any case.
25:02Because nobody sends him any briefs, Hilda.
25:05Do you think he wants to be seen doing nothing?
25:08Anyway, I've had it in my resignation.
25:10There's only one more case.
25:11I intend to defeat Bollard on a little spot
25:14of illegal gum-running in Notting Hill Gate.
25:17And then...
25:19travels Rumpole east away.
25:22He's joking. Definitely joking.
25:25Aren't you, Rumpole?
25:27I wish I could come back with you.
25:29No, Boxing! Good heavens, no, you can't do that.
25:32Somebody's got to look after Hilda.
25:39Now, come on, Rumpole, you're not really leaving us.
25:41Oh, who knows? That depends on Bollard.
25:44Oh, and on Hilda's long-lost cousin
25:47who rejoices in the name of Boxy Horne.
25:50Yeah, a man who turned his back on dull responsibility
25:54and chose darkest Africa.
25:56Do you know, Portia, there is no subject
25:58on which a man can be more genuinely boring
26:01than darkest Africa.
26:04Hilda says she might have married Boxy.
26:07And I might not have married Claude.
26:10Ah, we look before and after, we pine for what is not.
26:14Our sincerest laughter with some pain is fraught.
26:19Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thoughts.
26:24I might have had a husband full of energy
26:26and jokes with a taste for adventure.
26:28Someone unconventional, a rebel who hadn't been to Winchester.
26:31Oh, Portia, really.
26:33What do you mean?
26:34Well, might I have been a bit old for you?
26:38Now, why did you ask me for this drink?
26:42Well, apparently there's a bit of an east wind blowing
26:45between you and Claude on the subject of young Tristan's education.
26:49Yes, well, I don't see why the family has to be split up.
26:53Exactly. The boy needs his father.
26:55And his mother, don't forget.
26:57That's the worst thing that can happen.
26:59The family's being separated and torn apart.
27:03I mean, society has some very unnatural laws and morals.
27:07Well, look, Rumple, I...
27:08I mean, handing a young boy over for other people to bring up,
27:12that's got to be avoided at all costs.
27:15Would you tell Claude that, please?
27:17I certainly will.
27:19Family togetherness is to it, Portia.
27:22I hope you support it when you sit in judgment.
27:27Drinking champagne at lunchtime? With a drug addict?
27:30It was only a small amount of dope for his own use, actually.
27:33The point for you to understand is what you've done to Phyllida as a woman.
27:37What I've done?
27:39Well, don't tell me you haven't driven her to it.
27:41If a woman does something like that, it's always the husband's fault, isn't it?
27:45And if a man does something like that?
27:48Well, then it's always his fault.
27:52That's where they were sitting.
27:58Here?
28:00Don't you understand?
28:02Phyllida's just rebelling against your enormous power.
28:06My enormous what?
28:09Sexual domination.
28:11Liz, Phyllida's a queen's counsel.
28:14She wears a silk gown.
28:16She's about to sit as a recorder in judgment at the Old Bailey.
28:20I'm still a junior barrister with a rough old gown made of some inferior material.
28:26How can I possibly dominate her?
28:28Because you're a man, Claude.
28:31You were born to dominate.
28:33It's obvious that you should think I'm mad and that she's mad, too.
28:37Our behavior looks idiotic, cheap, anything you like, but it's true.
28:41This magic that has happened, it's so true that everything else,
28:44all the ordinary ways of behavior, look shabby and unreal beside it.
28:48My heart's bumping. I'm trembling like a...
28:50Thumping.
28:51What's that?
28:52My heart's thumping, otherwise very good.
28:54Henry, rehearsingly.
28:56Oh, yes, Mr. Rumholl.
28:58The Bexley thespians we're putting on tonight at 8.30.
29:01By Noel Coward, sir.
29:03We like his stuff.
29:05I do happen to have the starring role.
29:07With your usual co-star, I suppose.
29:10I shall be playing opposite Miss Osgood from the Old Bailey list office, as per always.
29:13Miss Osgood who arranges the court hearings.
29:15A talented actress, no doubt.
29:17Elizabeth Osgood has a certain magic on stage, Mr. Rumholl.
29:20Yes, remind me to send her a bouquet on opening night.
29:24She also has considerable power in the list office.
29:28Oh, and as for our Porsche's debut on the Old Bailey bench,
29:33I thought it might be nice if Miss Osgood could give us something deserving of her talents.
29:37Now she's got a starring role.
29:39No doubt you had something in mind, sir.
29:41Regina versus Culper.
29:44A drama of gun dealing in Notting Hill Gate,
29:47likely to run and run.
29:49Could be Porsche's road to stardom.
29:51Why don't you mention it to your fellow thespian during a break in rehearsals?
29:59Oh, Uncle Tom, still golfing?
30:01Ballard wants to see me.
30:03Oh yes, when?
30:05Any time at my convenience, before the end of the month.
30:08Do you think he's fixed me up for the junior brief?
30:10Would you like that?
30:12Well, I'm not sure. I haven't exactly kept my hand in at the law.
30:16Who cares? Your butting's coming along no end.
30:19Philly, I know exactly why you had lunch with that actor, Charles.
30:25Do you?
30:27It's because of my enormous power.
30:30Your enormous what?
30:32My natural male dominance.
30:34You feel it overshadows you.
30:36Claude, are you feeling entirely well?
30:38I'm sorry about it, Philly.
30:40I'm really sorry about this habit of domination.
30:43I suppose I can't help it.
30:46It's a curse, really.
30:48Men just don't know their own strength.
30:51Claude, darling,
30:54I have to decide on the shirts you want to buy.
30:58When we went out for dinner with the Arthurian Daybells,
31:01you asked me to remind you whether you liked smoked mackerel or not.
31:04So I did. Do I?
31:06Not very much, no.
31:08That's right.
31:09You seem to suffer from terminal exhaustion directly.
31:11Your head hits the pillow.
31:13Can you tell me exactly how you are exercising this enormous power over me?
31:16Can you give me one single instance of your ruthless determination?
31:20I suppose it's just the male role.
31:24I'll try not to play it, Philly.
31:26I honestly will.
31:32Oh, Claude.
31:34I think I ought to stay here and look after you.
31:37Well, you'll have to stay here now anyway, won't you?
31:40Why?
31:42Because you tell me to?
31:44No, no, no, because of your new responsibilities.
31:48Superintendent Rodney,
31:50as an officer of the Special Branch,
31:52have you ever heard of the Loyalist League
31:55for the Welfare and Succor of Terrorist Victims in Northern Ireland?
32:01Not till your client told us they sent him these pecking cases.
32:04Or of the man who presumably runs that philanthropic organisation,
32:08a Mr Banks.
32:10Not till your client told us his story.
32:12A story you believed?
32:14If I had, we wouldn't be here, would we, Mr Rumpole?
32:17Mr Rumpole, what does it matter what this officer believes?
32:20It's what the jury believes that matters, isn't it?
32:23Your ladyship is, of course, perfectly right.
32:26But Daniel come to judgment. Yay, Daniel!
32:29Tell me, Superintendent, did my client, Mr Culp,
32:32give you a description of the man, Mr Banks,
32:34who came to his shop and asked him to store some pecking cases for him?
32:38Superintendent, you may refresh your memory from your notes if you wish to.
32:42Thank you, m'lady.
32:45Yes.
32:47He said, Mr Banks called on me and asked me to store some medical supplies.
32:52He was a man of average height.
32:54He had gold-rimmed glasses with tinted lenses.
32:57Ah, tinted lenses. Well, you know perfectly well who that is, don't you?
33:00Excuse me, Mr Rumpole, I have absolutely no idea.
33:03Oh, really?
33:05Hasn't the special branch made every effort to find this elusive Banks?
33:09Have you sought him here, Superintendent? Have you sought him there?
33:13M'lady, it is my duty to object to this line of questioning.
33:17Duty, Mr Ballard?
33:19My patriotic duty.
33:21M'lady, this case involves the security of the realm.
33:24The activities of the special branch necessarily take place in secret.
33:28Their inquiries cannot be questioned by Mr Rumpole.
33:32What do you say, Mr Rumpole?
33:34What do I say, m'lady?
33:36I say that despite what Mr Ballard apparently believes,
33:40this trial is not taking place behind the Iron Curtain.
33:43We are in England, m'lady, breathing English air.
33:47And the special branch is not the KGB.
33:50It is simply a widely-travelled department of the dear old Bill.
33:54And I would be very much obliged for an answer to my question.
33:58The whereabouts of this man Banks is vital to your defence, is it?
34:02M'lady, it is.
34:04And you wish me to make a ruling on the matter?
34:07One of many wise judgments that I'm quite sure your ladyship will make in many other cases.
34:12Then in my judgment, Mr Rumpole may ask his question.
34:17Oh, wise and upright judge, how much more elder art thou than thy looks.
34:22Yes, well, Superintendent?
34:24We have not been able to trace either Mr Banks or any Loyalist League of Welfare.
34:29Much good did that do you.
34:31Oh, wait for it. I've not finished yet, Comrade Ballardsky.
34:35Who told you, Superintendent,
34:37that a dealing in arms was likely to take place at Mr Culp's shop that morning at nine o'clock?
34:42M'lady...
34:43Yes, Mr Rumpole, I don't think this officer can be compelled to give the name of his informer.
34:48Very well.
34:49Did your informer...
34:51Let us call him Mr X.
34:53Did Mr X arrive with you and the other officers in the police car?
34:58M'lady...
34:59I don't think you can take the matter any further, can you, Mr Rumpole?
35:03Well, let me just ask this with your ladyship's permission.
35:07Did a man wearing cold-rimmed spectacles with tinted lenses
35:10get out of the police car and walk away before the arrest took place?
35:16I am not prepared to answer that, M'lady.
35:20You can tell the judge all that.
35:22I've got to. I've got to help Dad out.
35:25No, but you do know who the man was.
35:27Perhaps he was an officer of the special branch
35:30who asked Mr Culp to store some packing cases for him,
35:33who told Mr Culp that they contained medical supplies
35:36and who arranged for McRobert,
35:38who wanted to buy arms for his Ulster terrorists, to walk into your trap.
35:42All I can tell you is that the cases of arms were in the shop
35:45and McRobert called for them.
35:47Did McRobert meet Mr Banks?
35:50I can't say.
35:52And the jury will never know because McRobert has been silenced forever.
35:57Detective Inspector Blake saw him in the act of pulling out a weapon.
36:00He fired in self-defence.
36:02Yes, I dare say he did,
36:04but it leaves us a little short of evidence, doesn't it?
36:07The little lad's just longing to go to the witness box.
36:10Are you going to call him?
36:13Fortunately, I am in a position to call a witness later
36:17who will give us some more information about this damned, elusive Banks.
36:21Please, Rumbo, don't swear in court,
36:24particularly in front of a lady judge.
36:27Call in Matthew Cullen.
36:32Now then, Matthew,
36:34do you remember a man coming to ask your father to store some boxes for him?
36:38I was in the shop.
36:40You were in the shop when he arrived?
36:42Yes. He said he was Mr Banks,
36:45and I went and fetched Dad from the back.
36:48He was mending something.
36:50Matthew, do you think you could just speak up a little
36:53so Mr Rumbo can hear you?
36:56Do you remember what the man looked like, Matthew?
36:59He had those gold-rimmed glasses,
37:02and they were coloured.
37:04What were coloured?
37:05The glass in them.
37:07And did this man talk to your father?
37:10Yes. I went upstairs to finish my homework.
37:13I see. And did you see the man again?
37:16Oh, yes.
37:17When?
37:18When the policeman arrived for Dad.
37:20Mr Banks got out of the police car.
37:23He got out of the police car.
37:26And what did he do then, Matthew?
37:28He walked away.
37:30Thank you.
37:31Now, just wait there a moment, will you?
37:38Matthew,
37:40are you very fond of your father?
37:42We look after each other.
37:44Oh, yes, yes. I'm sure you do.
37:46And you want to look after him, don't you?
37:48You want to look after him in this case.
37:51I'd like him to come home.
37:53Yes, yes. I'm sure you would.
37:55And have you and your father discussed
37:57this business of Mr Banks getting out of the police car?
38:00I told Dad what I saw.
38:02And did your father tell you
38:04he was going to say
38:05the police had set up this deal through Mr Banks?
38:11He said something like that.
38:13So, does it come to this?
38:16You'd say anything to help your father's defence?
38:18Oh, my lady, that's completely uncalled for.
38:20Yes, Mr Rumpole.
38:22Matthew,
38:24are you sure you saw a man with glasses
38:27get out of the police car?
38:29Yes, I am.
38:30And apart from the fact
38:32that he had gold-rimmed glasses with tinted lenses,
38:35can you be quite sure it was the same man
38:38who came into your father's shop
38:39and said he was Mr Banks?
38:41You can't be sure, can you?
38:42Now, please, Mr Ballard.
38:44Just think about it, Matthew.
38:46There's absolutely no hurry.
38:52I think it was the same man.
38:55You think it was?
38:56You think it was, but you can't be sure.
38:59Well, he looked the same.
39:01He was the same.
39:03Was he, Dad?
39:05Wasn't he?
39:06Yes, I don't think we should keep Matthew
39:08in the witness box a moment longer.
39:09Have either of you two gentlemen got any further questions?
39:11No, my lady.
39:12No, nothing at all, my lady.
39:14Thank you.
39:15Thank you very much, Matthew.
39:16You can go now.
39:24Did I let you down, Dad?
39:35Philander, in a meeting?
39:37Mrs Erskine-Brown is sitting as a judge
39:39for doing an important case of the Old Bailey, sir.
39:42Isn't she too pretty to be sitting as a judge?
39:45You know, I don't think the Lord Chancellor
39:47considered that when he made Mrs Erskine-Brown a recorder.
39:49A judge, huh?
39:51Well, I've got to get the red-eye back to the coast tomorrow.
39:54Tell her I dropped by, will you?
39:56Hey, that's a great gimmick.
40:01Judge.
40:03Excuse me.
40:04Do you work in this office?
40:05I happen to be the head of these chambers, yes.
40:08You mean you run the shop?
40:09One could say that, I suppose.
40:11That's a great gimmick you got there,
40:12the old guy playing golf in reception.
40:14I bet that's a real talking point to all the customers.
40:17Yes, I'm sorry.
40:18I'm going to put a stop to all that.
40:20Are you crazy?
40:22Wait till I let them know out on the coast.
40:24There's this British lawyers' office, I'll tell them,
40:26where they keep an old guy to play golf in reception.
40:28Kind of traditional.
40:30You'll get so much business from American lawyers,
40:33they'll all want to come in here, and they won't believe it.
40:36Business?
40:37You think Uncle Tom will bring in business?
40:39Wait till I spread the word.
40:41You won't be able to handle it.
41:05A judge.
41:07Never went with a judge.
41:09Might be kind of daunting.
41:13Temptation is,
41:15if you're a bachelor like me,
41:17living up country for any length of time,
41:21is to take a native woman.
41:25Fellows did, you know.
41:26Oh, yes.
41:28I'll not disguise the fact.
41:30Plenty of fellows did.
41:32And they were perfectly nice women.
41:35In some cases.
41:37Great church girls, you know.
41:39Walk round the place singing
41:40onward Christian soldiers at you all the time.
41:43But I never took one.
41:45No, no.
41:46Not a native woman.
41:48No.
41:49No, I had something to live up to, you see.
41:51Boxy, old fellow, I used to say.
41:54Not to myself.
41:56I don't think Cousin Hilda would quite approve of that.
41:59Oh, Boxy.
42:01I don't suppose I'd have minded.
42:04Oh.
42:06Oh.
42:08Ah, Jumbo Buona.
42:09How about it, Jackal?
42:11What, old chap?
42:12Oh, just brushing up the Swahili, old darling.
42:15Case ends tomorrow.
42:17Got to make plans for the future.
42:19Shooting tiger in Kenya.
42:21I can't believe it.
42:22The future?
42:23What on earth are you talking about, Jumbo?
42:25Oh, nothing you need worry about, Hilda, darling.
42:28Not now you've got Boxy to look after you.
42:32Members of the jury,
42:34the defence case is that these arms were planted by the police
42:37on an innocent man to trap McRobert.
42:41Mr Rumpole has said that the arms were deposited in the shop
42:44by a Mr Banks, who was in fact a police officer in plain clothes,
42:48and that Mr Culp was simply told that they were medical supplies.
42:53Now, do you accept young Matthew's identification
42:57of Mr Banks as the man in the police car?
43:00He thinks it was Mr Banks,
43:02but if you remember, he couldn't be sure.
43:05Now, members of the jury, the decision on the facts is entirely for you.
43:09If there is a doubt,
43:11Mr Culp is entitled to the benefit of that doubt.
43:15A fair judge, an upright judge.
43:18Always a terrible danger to the defence.
43:31Do you find Stanley Joseph Culp guilty or not guilty
43:35of distributing prohibited weapons?
43:38Guilty.
43:40My lady, I ask you not to impose a prison sentence in this case,
43:45and I ask you for a reason
43:47that may have considerable force with your ladyship.
43:51Now, whoever is guilty in this case,
43:54one person is absolutely innocent.
43:57Young Matthew Culp has committed no crime,
44:02no offence, and has broken no law.
44:05He is a hard-working, decent little boy
44:08who loves his father and who wanted to help him.
44:10But if you sentence Culp to prison,
44:13you sentence Matthew as well.
44:16You sentence him to years of council care.
44:21You sentence him to years as an orphan
44:24and because his mother has long since left the family.
44:28You cut him off from the only family he knows, his father.
44:33I ask your ladyship to consider that
44:37and to say no prison for this foolish father.
44:46Yes, thank you, Mr Rumpel. Thank you for all your help.
44:50If your ladyship pleases.
44:52Will the defendant please stand?
44:56Mr Culp, I have listened most carefully
44:59to all your learned counsel has said
45:01and said most eloquently on your behalf.
45:05Unhappily, all the crimes we commit,
45:08all the mistakes we make,
45:10affect our innocent children.
45:13I am very conscious of the effect
45:15any prison sentence would have on your son
45:17to whom I accept you are devoted.
45:19Hopeful.
45:20However, I have to protect society
45:23and I have to remember that you were prepared
45:25to deal in murderous weapons
45:27which might have left orphans in Northern Ireland.
45:30Not hopeful.
45:32The most lenient sentence I can impose on you
45:35is one of three years' imprisonment.
45:38Take him down.
45:42Rumpel?
45:46What are those for, Rumpel?
45:48I'll stick it in a vase somewhere.
45:50In memoriam, Horace Rumpel.
45:54Boss is gone, Rumpel.
45:56Oh, really? You amaze me.
45:58I went out shopping after breakfast.
46:00When I got back, he was nowhere to be found.
46:02I bought him two chops for dinner.
46:04Oh, don't worry. I'll eat them for him.
46:07He didn't even say goodbye.
46:09Why do you think Bossie would do a thing like that?
46:12Oh, well, certainly he wasn't running away
46:14from the prospect of looking after you,
46:16Hilda, heaven forbid.
46:18It was always such fun when he was young, was it, Boxie?
46:20Are we looked before and after?
46:22Are we pined for what is not?
46:24Do you think that Boxie
46:26had become a bit of a bore in his old age?
46:28Our sincerest laughter with some pain is fraught.
46:33Not going to Africa, Hilda?
46:36No, I didn't think you were.
46:38Oh.
46:40No, I shall never see the elephant and the gazelle
46:42gathering at the waterhole
46:44or the zebra stampeding at dawn.
46:46I shall go no closer to Africa than Boxie did.
46:50What on earth do you mean by that, Rumpet?
46:52Oh, all that rubbish about evening dress
46:54to impress the natives.
46:56I bet he got that straight out of Rider Haggard.
46:58And, Hilda, there are absolutely no tigers in Kenya.
47:02Boxie asked me for a thousand pounds
47:04to start a smallholding with battery hens.
47:06I didn't give him anything.
47:08After the overdraft? Don't be so foolish, Rumpet.
47:10I don't believe he's been further south than Bognor.
47:15So, you're staying here?
47:17Mm.
47:19Barnard told Uncle Tom to carry on golfing.
47:21He thinks we'll get a lot of work from the American lawyers.
47:25I lost that case against Barnard.
47:28Yes, I thought you did.
47:30You're not nearly so unbearable when you lose.
47:32So, we'll have to get along without Boxie.
47:36Oh, good heavens, however, shall we manage?
47:39No, as we always do, I suppose.
47:42Just you and me together?
47:44Yes.
47:46Nothing ever changes, does it, Hilda?
47:51Nothing changes very much at all.
47:57Um, Tristan?
47:59Yes, Mum?
48:01Look, I don't think we'll be going to California.
48:04Good.
48:06Good? Why is it good?
48:08I couldn't go to Boggs if we went to California.
48:10Darling, you don't really want to go to Boggs, do you?
48:12Of course I do.
48:14But why? It sounds dreadful.
48:15It sounds fun.
48:17Darling, don't you want to stay here with us?
48:19Well, not all the time.
48:21Not all the time? Darling, why ever not?
48:24Well, Dad's always got those operas in his ears.
48:26I mean, he doesn't talk to one much.
48:28Well, I'm here, Tristan. Now, don't tell me I don't talk.
48:31Oh, no, you talk all right.
48:33But you're always reading your briefs.
48:35Always?
48:37Please try and be quiet, Tristan. I'm reading my brief.
48:39That's what you always say.
48:41Do I?
48:43Tristan, look, darling, I promise you faithfully,
48:46I will talk to you all the time, whenever you want.
48:49I'll talk to you for as long as you like.
48:51Will you? What shall we say?
48:53Well, um, whatever you want to say.
48:55I mean, I can tell you about what I've been doing,
48:57being a judge and all that sort of thing.
48:59I think I'll find more to talk about with the chaps at Boggers.
49:03Oh, goodness, Evan said, oh, really?
49:06I could have sworn it was you.
49:12Rumple, I have been wanting to say to you,
49:14I'm sorry about Culp.
49:16Ah, never plead guilty or nothing.
49:18Yes, well, I was...
49:20You're just doing your job, aren't you?
49:22Yes, I was.
49:24Deciding what's going to happen to people,
49:26judging them, condemning them,
49:28sending them downstairs.
49:30Not a particularly nice sort of a job, is it, really?
49:33Every day, I thank heaven, I don't have to do it.
49:35Shouldn't I become a recorder? Is that what you're trying to say?
49:38Of course not. Of course you should, yes.
49:40It's just that I, thank God, I don't have to do it.
49:43Well, maybe you're lucky.
49:46Yes, I suppose I am.
49:48I do enjoy the luxury of defending people.
49:51Helping them, keeping them out of choking by the skin of my teeth.
49:54Mind you, I've said a few hard words in my time.
49:57But fortunately,
49:59but fortunately,
50:01take him down is an expression I've never had to use.
50:03Rumpel, you can't possibly imagine I enjoyed it.
50:06Of course you didn't.
50:08I didn't suggest that for a moment.
50:10You had your job to do,
50:12and you did it so bloody fairly
50:14that my man got convicted.
50:16He was just caught in that trap.
50:19Like the rest of us.
50:23Cheer up. I'll buy you a large glass of Pomeroy's plonk.
50:26Oh, I'm much obliged, Your Ladyship.
50:29Now, by the way, what's going to happen to young Tristan?
50:32Is he going to pay his debt to society too, is he?
50:34I don't know what you mean. He is going to Bogstead.
50:37That's what I mean.
50:39Your Ladyship passed judgment
50:41in favor of my learned friend Claudoskin Brown, did you?
50:44Uh, well, no, not exactly.
50:46As a matter of fact,
50:48young Tristan passed judgment on himself.
50:54Right, good-bye.
50:57Give my love to Tug's pouch
50:59and enjoy the smashing fried bread on Sundays.
51:02Now, you will ride, won't you?
51:04Yes, ma'am.
51:06Please, ma'am, not in front of the other chaps.
51:26Halt!
51:56Halt!
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