Chris Waitkus: Not Rocket Science | movie | 2023 | Official Clip
Chris Waitkus takes the stage at the Zephyr Theater in Los Angeles in this Debut Stand Up Comedy Half Hour Special. He h | dG1fb24xOV85NktLcUE
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Short filmTranscript
00:00I like your mustache. Do you like my earring?
00:02Good. Yeah. That was a lie.
00:04That was a lie.
00:06And that's okay. I didn't get it to impress people like you.
00:09I don't mean people like you people.
00:11That's not what I meant.
00:13That's later in the show, actually.
00:19I got this earring, believe it or not, to impress girls.
00:21I just thought we'd have something to talk about, you know?
00:23There was this girl I wanted to impress.
00:25I walked up to her. I showed her the earring.
00:27She was like, that's cute. Where'd you get it?
00:29I was like, Claire's.
00:31In the mall.
00:33She's like, oh, okay, I get it. You're gay.
00:35I was like, no.
00:37Why would you think I'm gay?
00:39And she was like, dude, you look like a Freddie Mercury beat aids.
00:49Which really hurt my feelings.
00:51A lot of people are updating their identities nowadays.
00:53She identifies as a bitch.
00:55Not fucking cool, dude.
00:57I do like that she was honest, though.
00:59She was at least really direct with me, right?
01:01I think it's important that we're direct.
01:03Because we're too cautious with our language.
01:05Way too fluffy.
01:07And it gets us in trouble.
01:09It's even in our ads.
01:11Our ads are way too cautious.
01:13They're not direct to the people.
01:15There's a company, Motel 6.
01:17They have a slogan.
01:19Does anyone know what Motel 6's slogan is?
01:21That's a poor person right there.
01:23We'll leave the light on for you.
01:31That's right.
01:33We'll leave the light on for you.
01:35That doesn't appeal to people that really go to Motel 6.
01:37If you want to impress people that go to Motel 6,
01:39if you want to get their attention,
01:41you need a more realistic slogan for them.
01:43Motel 6, all of our security cameras are broken.
01:49That'll work.
01:51That's where they need to be.
01:53They'll be like, you can do whatever you want.
01:55We're not watching.
01:57We're not direct enough.
01:59It's in our apps.
02:01There's an app called the Citizen App.
02:03I don't know if you guys know it.
02:05It reports crime in your area.
02:07They really should be very clear about what's happening.
02:09And they're not.
02:11They're too cautious.
02:13The other day, I got a thing on my phone.
02:15It was like, Citizen App.
02:17A person has just been shot above the neck.
02:19Say that he's been shot in the face, right?
02:21We're smart people.
02:23We can use that information.
02:25Oh, shit.
02:27Shot in the face.
02:29We should really try to protect ourselves.
02:31What should we do?
02:33Put our masks back on.
02:35I just checked to see who's a COVID believer with that
02:37and then who's chill.
02:39You guys are a lot more believer
02:41than I thought you'd be.