Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30You
00:01:00You
00:01:10To prove my worthiness as an elite athlete that I am actually the best in the world
00:01:16More than anything to prove to myself
00:01:30I
00:01:40Came in really late in my career with a ball and a dream and I was just ambitious and then suddenly I've gone up on
00:01:47The radar and then suddenly I'm like the best in Australia and then got ranked in the world
00:01:53Became a champion three times four times
00:01:57I
00:01:58Got an international status. I was beating chicks that had been on the same for years
00:02:05Yeah, then I maybe I could see then the potential of what I was doing
00:02:27You
00:02:38You're not talking about some backyard meat somewhere we're talking about the Olympic Games talking about World Championships
00:02:45We're talking about people who just
00:02:48Full-on dedicated outside the outside the gym and inside the gym. So I knew I was a good boxer
00:02:55I was training
00:02:56Hardcore, but I've got an Australian championship a title. I
00:03:01Was right number three in Australia. I was like, oh, you know
00:03:04I was one of the toughest chicks in the whole gym at that same time. They'd made the announcement that boxing was now
00:03:11legal for women in the Olympics I
00:03:14Thought why can't I be a boxy? I was sat in my lap lounge room on my bedroom floor there
00:03:20For maybe four hours just envisioning the whole thing in my head and then I went about
00:03:26Researching my options in Anthony had said all war. There's a really good boxing coach Gary Hamilton
00:03:32How to chat to him, you know, why don't you consider training with him when we first met?
00:03:38He's saying all this really confronting shit to me. I like and he gets away with it because he's cheeky
00:03:43So I was like is this guy for real as he did as he is
00:03:45To me and I just remember getting the door and slamming that door so hard it nearly flew off the hinges man
00:03:52I was like fuck you. Oh
00:03:54Smash the door and I was like my first thing
00:04:15I
00:04:34Last drank
00:04:36Two days ago
00:04:39It's the suckers. Yeah
00:04:41So I'm gonna be eaten today
00:04:43No, I haven't eaten today and I was the last thing I ate was a sliver of banana cake yesterday
00:04:52About seven thirty at night that it's yeah, it's the last hour. That's always a heart
00:05:01You're dealing with the hundreds of grams if you're a hundred grand over you're disqualified
00:05:06anything can put you can put you over your weight division and then
00:05:10All of your hard work is finished within a minute just because you put on a singlet I've waited naked before
00:05:20Actually more times than
00:05:23Not waiting naked
00:05:39Oh
00:05:53Jump push jump punch jump punch jump punch
00:06:05We are machines in the country
00:06:09Oh
00:06:13Keep your hands up in between
00:06:22Don't follow around that's it
00:06:26Body shot
00:06:39I
00:07:09Come on
00:07:22Move your feet as you move your head
00:07:32Down the body up to the head moving up watch your chest as you're doing it
00:07:39I
00:08:00Tomorrow I'm gonna annihilate her. She's already shitting herself, which is fantastic. Did you hear?
00:08:06In
00:08:08Relation to caution, it's sort of like a friendship in the way, but the athlete has to respect you and trust in you. I
00:08:16Don't know how she's feeling. I can only coach objectively. She's
00:08:21Experiencing it subjectively. So you've got to find a dynamic there where you go. This is what it looks like
00:08:27What are you feeling like, you know and to properly understand it with you. I'm just a
00:08:31You will do this and you will do that you never learn enough about your athlete
00:09:01I
00:09:31It was awarded to another boxer
00:09:42And it stunned everyone because there was a whole it was so interesting because I think the whole room room just went into a
00:09:50Gasp, you could hear it around and nobody could understand how it was awarded to the other boxer
00:10:02I
00:10:06Everybody in the whole place
00:10:08Knew she won. That's it for the three people around the ring. We should have won. She will
00:10:14Hopefully you do except keep this far away. We can go train somewhere else
00:10:22We spend all that time and all that investment into into everything and then to have to cop
00:10:29Something like that. It's so distraught. I don't know how you don't take a person. I thought she clearly running
00:10:36And so did the girl who fought her?
00:10:46Do you I don't know what luck I'm gonna have to go out there and have a face
00:10:58I
00:11:18Olympic sport is full of politics now now you can't protest now
00:11:22You can't have somebody look at the video and decide whether it was right or wrong
00:11:28Why does she get robbed of decisions that matter and why does she win fights that don't matter really in the long run?
00:11:34I don't know that that's that's maybe to do with her personality as well, but they don't like that out
00:11:41Extrovert personality and I don't want that representing Boxing Australia. They want someone else
00:11:46I don't know what exactly they want from a person other than
00:11:50To be able to box really well. There are elements in Boxing Australia who?
00:11:56For some reason have just really just taken Bianca Ron
00:12:01I've struggled to work with the team's always do the bare minimum
00:12:05But maybe I just have to put more of an act on and pretend that I enjoy it more
00:12:11You know last time I was in the Aussie team. I was so naughty
00:12:15Because she's so headstrong if she doesn't think something's right for her. She won't do it
00:12:21There's always dramas around it, that's just her and her personality and some people don't like that
00:12:27Australian sports a fairly conservative world
00:12:29I guess I don't want people who might act like they like they've got too much confidence or be too cocky or be too
00:12:36Sure of themselves or show off, you know
00:12:43Don't know who I am
00:12:45Basically since this girl is a bit of a bit of a show poor need of self-absorbed
00:12:51ends up in magazines and I think
00:12:54There's a little bit of jealousy kicking in a little bit of it
00:12:57And they're all backstabbing her a little bit and then once you get that through the spot at the end of the day
00:13:04She's gonna have people thinking negatively of her if you don't know her and you know
00:13:10You want to sort of interpret her in a different way?
00:13:11You can you can see her as a kind of cocky arrogant up herself, but when you meet her
00:13:16She says she's warm and kind and generous and you know, she's a big-hearted human being
00:13:23But from a distance, I guess people can put all sorts of different interpretations on that and I think that it probably has been a problem
00:13:34To have someone talk about politics or hold up a little sign that says free Palestine after they've won, you know
00:13:41Who knows what she could do next, you know, she's getting back to Australia, you know, she could you know
00:13:47Get drunk and you know do something like interesting and then where would we be?
00:13:54And she bashed a boy in the school and in Lebanon
00:13:59First punch on I'd ever used my hands to inflict pain on someone was when I was with my grandma
00:14:07I punched him maybe
00:14:09I punched him at least ten times in the head
00:14:13before the teacher pulled us apart a
00:14:16Lot of sports do bring a lot of diversity of people together, but I think boxing is probably the ultimate
00:14:23What about the ping-pong ball?
00:14:26Just breaks down Barry. It's a simple time. It does. I agree, but
00:14:32Here it is girls 200 meters, excuse me first
00:14:37Oh
00:14:39100 meters first
00:14:42100 meters girls
00:14:44Again, first girls open 200 meters. There you go. First school. That's my high school
00:14:52You can first so many times yes, I held the record for many many years. I
00:14:59Love this one. This is naughty Bianca playing up running around that is her
00:15:05You can tell with the face
00:15:07Look at my hair. Yeah
00:15:10That's crazy. Yeah, look at my hair too. I was known for my hair, too
00:15:15Look at this. Oh
00:15:17my gosh
00:15:20My Bianca is a very
00:15:22complex person
00:15:25But I suspect because she grew up in a very complex
00:15:28Because we were living in Lebanon, but Australia was always home to me
00:15:32This was one of those you weren't happy there. No because I that was one of the weekends that I brought you down
00:15:38To spend the weekend
00:15:41And I would have had to taking you back home
00:15:44How old was she when you split up with her dad?
00:15:47She was about two
00:15:49she stayed with me for from a period of
00:15:51Forget how many months few months and then it's a long story how they ended up taking her off me
00:15:58So that her grandparents would look after her
00:16:01and
00:16:03So by the time, yeah, I kidnapped her. She was close to
00:16:08Three and a half maybe and I used to cry every night there. You're right once
00:16:14It was sort of repeat. It was really hard
00:16:17very hard
00:16:18One weekend I would visit and then the following weekend I would keep her for the weekend
00:16:23So that was the deal and that went on for a bit at some point. I went no
00:16:29I'm not doing this anymore
00:16:31She's my daughter. I'm taking her and I made the plans to
00:16:37take her and
00:16:39Come back to Australia. It's a really harsh word
00:16:44It's always been so like
00:16:47Biting when you say you know kidnapped
00:16:50Just cuts through everything
00:16:52So yeah, so she took me and did not return me
00:16:57Many mothers would do exactly
00:17:01I'm sure
00:17:03You know pretty sort of, you know, then the lioness
00:17:07And that's what I did. It was sort of the lioness, you know, that's my child
00:17:12I gave birth to her. I nearly died having Bianca. I
00:17:16Felt like I needed to be indebted to her my entire existence and my whole life's purpose was to repay the debt called
00:17:25The mother took the child and she did it all for you Bianca
00:17:29She's just like a pussy kept getting him out and run away
00:17:34Getting you out. Yeah
00:17:38My dearest
00:17:44I actually hated my mum for a lot of years
00:17:48She angered me, but then also I was really difficult and I was like a little shit and
00:17:56you know melancholic and just
00:17:58Teenager angst stuff and the person I am today. I mean imagine me as like a teenage hormonal child or
00:18:05I'd hate to be around me. I don't look happy there
00:18:10Always remember we went to Turkey that time. Yeah, and
00:18:16It's cranky a lot of the time. I felt neglected here. I felt that she
00:18:23I
00:18:25Had a lot of community commitments, you know, and for her I mean that was her maybe finding herself in the community as well and
00:18:33Having a sense of purpose, but for them for me, I
00:18:3610 11 12 years old. I was here most nights on my own
00:18:41Yeah, I'd get scared as well. You like weird sounds I'd go to bed with a knife under my bed
00:18:47That's me. I found that when I was 15
00:18:51What one of the ones you didn't end up coming up?
00:18:55She was angry at all sorts of things. I don't know whether she took it out on me
00:19:01But
00:19:03Have not having a father in her life
00:19:05I don't know. I never really understood and she wouldn't say anything
00:19:10I am the mother you are to respect me and my authority and
00:19:15That was and then of course, I hate authority and I hate anyone telling me what to do so then I hated her
00:19:23She was really good up to a point and then it was like overnight
00:19:29It just changed. I didn't know how to deal with that. Where's that never not. Mm-hmm
00:19:35That's not even died. No, you had natural that was your natural color. I think you were about
00:19:4015
00:19:42Oh, no, no. No, I falls Lebanon. I would have been there like 14. Yeah 14. So how do you guys feel about Bianca boxing?
00:19:55Something missing in their life, they're gonna express themselves somehow. Well, yeah
00:20:04Mostly oh, yeah
00:20:11Yeah, I'm lost like I've always done things that are not
00:20:16Conventional yeah, like things that a lot of my family would maybe say that you know, I'm not following the right
00:20:22Yeah, I'm definitely not traditional. But the fact that
00:20:26She's getting the Muslim female fighter name out
00:20:31I think that's great and I think that it opens up doors for a lot of
00:20:37other females to follow
00:20:40Careers that they'd like to everybody
00:20:42To be traditional. Yeah, that's true. Mmm boxing gives me an excuse not to be normal
00:20:48Yeah, because I have to have this lifestyle in order to be a boxer. What would happen if you were normal?
00:20:58I'd probably turn into a serial killer
00:21:03Which is not no, I don't know what I would do I'd do something because I would do
00:21:11If
00:21:13There's one thing that I am 100% certain about is that there is a college
00:21:18Having a faith in God is what gave me the stamina to continue on and know that above all of this
00:21:26Murky waters and really confusing things happening in my life that there was a purpose for all that suffering
00:21:34I
00:21:39Value Islam. I think it's a beautiful religion. I think that it has some really important values that
00:21:47Connect people in such a beautiful way and I do really believe that Bianca's form, you know
00:21:53Is a deeply spiritual person and I mean her chosen religion is Islam
00:22:00But she's not a person who's going to say look
00:22:04Islam's the best religion and it's everyone who's Islamic is better than everyone who isn't that is not
00:22:10What it's about
00:22:12It's a way of life in how I choose to look at the world and I think that
00:22:20Everyone has a purpose and everything there everything that happens has purpose it gives me an
00:22:27Inner strength to know that there is something bigger and
00:22:32Greater beyond us. My values are very much influenced by my faith
00:22:39Just
00:22:42Not them those people people I just I like the faith I like Islam I don't like Muslims
00:22:56I
00:23:05Try right now
00:23:18That's the type of person she is them that a lot of people don't see about it
00:23:21They just see the me me me Bianca, but the me me me does actually give
00:23:30And what a lot of people don't know about her is the actual
00:23:34the social side that she puts into women's groups and
00:23:39Disadvantaged groups and she's quite political. She's very smart. She'll give up a time for a cause
00:23:44She'll go out there and she pushed that and she'll use the success as she gets in boxing and she'll use that to bring
00:23:51attention to that particular cause
00:23:55I'm just gonna have to give everything to this fight like
00:24:01Everything anyway, I've got to go. I'll see you when I come back with victory
00:24:08Gold medal and best boxer the whole time
00:24:14It's all really surreal
00:24:17I was really really chuffed because it's a really quite a high
00:24:21prize to get
00:24:23It was a big competition
00:24:26To get this we'll just put my name on record
00:24:31There were world champs in that comp
00:24:34Highly ranked women in that comp who've had a lot more experience than me. So to get that
00:24:41Yeah, it's good
00:24:51I
00:25:01Wake up at 2 a.m. Just didn't sleep again
00:25:06Also been having boy troubles
00:25:09Which hasn't been much fun
00:25:12Feels like not to get
00:25:14hit constantly
00:25:17Just to be nurtured. I just want someone to pat my face
00:25:21Not smash it
00:25:25Just another side of the aggression would be nice I
00:25:31Love being wanted
00:25:33It's heaps of fun
00:25:35And I just think before I get myself into some long-term relationship where I can't have this fun anymore. I must quickly
00:25:43flirt with everyone
00:25:45I
00:25:47Can you give me an excuse to give to this guy to leave his girlfriend tight to see me you want he needs suggestions
00:25:57He's not creative enough you gotta add a that shit out of the thing, but
00:26:07Like just being able to choose
00:26:10And I don't invest in that guy too much and as soon as that becomes too heavy
00:26:16I quickly run over to the other guy and then once he starts saying stupid shit like I love you
00:26:22I just quickly go to the back to some other guy
00:26:26And I just bounce off a sorry. I can't come in. I've got a full-time training schedule
00:26:34And it provides a really good reason to not be a relationship
00:26:39Oh
00:26:43This is the last chance that I have to be by myself
00:26:47As I wash my hands I look in the mirror
00:26:50And I look really deep into my own eyes, and I think back to all those hours. I trained
00:26:58All those runs all those times. I got punched in the face
00:27:03All those times. I was hungry because I had to make weight and I think to myself
00:27:09Fuck you. I'm gonna take this one today
00:27:19Coming back quick
00:27:22Okay
00:27:24Okay
00:27:26He's the ACT head coach
00:27:28State coach for the day Gary Gary's hand hand board me Yankee for the weekend
00:27:35It's a really sexy ring
00:27:38Really like
00:27:40Pulled to it. It's my battle. It's my home. I
00:27:45Own this space
00:27:47You are only a visitor if not an imposter in my space when I was in there now. It's like
00:27:55Yeah
00:27:56good
00:28:03This is when it's a real test of grit and I like
00:28:07Whoever's got the strongest mind
00:28:10Will lose the weight and lose it without too much
00:28:15Whinging and stuff
00:28:18And I've got the strongest one
00:28:22Need to be very meticulous about how many times you weighing yourself a day what you're eating the day before
00:28:30Remaining as calm as you can so you can lose more weight overnight. I mean like it's a meticulous detail and
00:28:37You know staying in a very positive headspace while all that is going on is also the hardest thing. You know when you're
00:28:44Eating ice cubes for dinner. You're like, you know that you can get in a very dark place in your mind
00:28:51shit
00:29:01It's not so much can all cannot not cut the way I know I can cut the way
00:29:06But can I do that and remain?
00:29:09clear-minded
00:29:11It's all the time that is out away from the ring, you know, like they're the most pressing times
00:29:18You're in despair on your own
00:29:24I was thinking last night when I wake up. I just had a fight running in my head
00:29:31Every time
00:29:33That's it. Well, then I need to do it. I wasn't gonna speed off that and come back in
00:29:40Yeah, you don't want to just count of the whole time you get under those long strikes
00:29:45Yeah, and she's got a really high
00:29:52Yeah, yeah
00:29:57Yeah
00:29:59Because she always just starts with that
00:30:02She doesn't mix it up too much. It's just she'll do three
00:30:06Double jabs in a row. Yeah, so, you know what she's doing
00:30:10Just you can get you can pair it to the football. Yeah
00:30:14Just let your fist to the door
00:30:29I
00:30:59I
00:31:29I
00:31:53Standing in front of the mirror and just having
00:31:58That personal time with yourself and that's
00:32:03What it's like in the ring, you know, there's someone else involved. They're having to mirror that person and
00:32:10adjust your fighting to them and whatever but
00:32:15It's how you can cultivate your own inner voice beforehand and in that fight and how you manage that
00:32:24You
00:32:26You know, you're not relying on the guys you to throw the ball to you or anything like that and
00:32:33You can't sub in or out. It's just you so
00:32:37In that time you have to have a very healthy relationship with yourself
00:32:45Because you're your own coach your own support crew your own team your own everything that's just you
00:32:52So in and amongst all of that pressure and all of the stuff that's going on in those milliseconds because you can see boxing is
00:32:59so fast
00:33:03You have to be able to tap into that inner voice and be okay with yourself
00:33:21I
00:33:38Just try to I saw that blood and I just wanted to go in more harder
00:33:43And I saw it kind of like roll off ankle as well at one stage and I just thought I'd capitalize on that
00:33:49Capitalize on that and capitalize on your bleeding face
00:33:53Yeah. Yeah, I love that
00:33:56Love it or when there's a moment of like where they're just a bit they're just so overwhelmed by like today
00:34:03There were moments where the girl didn't know where what was going on and I could see that in her face
00:34:08And you're so close to them and you can see that fear for a second or you see that
00:34:15shock in their eyes
00:34:19And that's a great feeling I love that
00:34:23And the winner of the Innocence Decision in the red corner
00:34:43Boxing Australia called to say I was put on a provisional suspension and so then I just had to leave immediately
00:34:52I
00:35:11Cable flew to China told their Olympic dreams over dropped it at the airport and see you later
00:35:22This is horrified all of the way I'd done
00:35:31The Asada incident I think was unfortunate it was disappointing
00:35:35She was desperately disappointed and this was an occasion where her mother was very supportive
00:35:41She didn't want me to tell anyone here in camp. I didn't even tell my friends. Mm-hmm. No one knew until
00:35:47close to when we were had to
00:35:50Go to the Court of Arbitration of Sport who went to the cast
00:35:55It was
00:35:56She didn't take the drug for performance enhancing reasons, but she should have known better to take that drug and do their own work
00:36:03So she's gonna pop a button for it
00:36:05It was never going to be any winners out of this. I think
00:36:09The losers were both the sport the individual athlete. They hadn't
00:36:16Supported her to make sure she fully understood what she was doing what she did
00:36:20She was just basically off on her own over to Ireland
00:36:23Doing her own thing competing all over Europe then coming straight back and then competing again, and she's done this all by herself
00:36:29What the court was saying is well, you knew she was doing a lot of this
00:36:33You may just could have done a little bit more
00:36:35You need to educate her rather than just tell her to take this box and sign the document and the way you go
00:36:40I
00:36:42Definitely think we could probably have done a lot more
00:36:44Because what we did was probably the bare minimum
00:36:48And it's probably a learning experience for us
00:36:52You
00:37:08After everything we've been through she's sitting there crying
00:37:12Drinking water, so I'm required to be at the same space, which I'm happy to be there
00:37:18Which is 430 to 530 Monday to Friday, and then weekends I changed it seven days a week
00:37:23I'm available for them to test me, so I'm not running away from them outside of those hours
00:37:28Which becomes harassment when they keep turning up?
00:37:31I was then making little strategies to try and avoid them because they kept on turning up and just
00:37:38Sabotaging all of the work that I'd done and the stress of having to think look out my bedroom window
00:37:44You know or I think they'd come and I'm not kidding you they come at 11 o'clock at night
00:37:48And all of a sudden she's got four kilos to lose
00:37:52We were in the gym till 12 o'clock with sweatsuits on trying to get some of the water back out that she just drank
00:37:58The following day we tried to get that out again. This is a day when she's supposed to be resting
00:38:03I'm still having to work and sweat out. You can't do that and perform at your optimal level
00:38:08They started knocking on my door every day
00:38:12Draining me of energy taking my urine I went on for hours and hours and hours and hours
00:38:20Middle preparation of really significant boxing events
00:38:26When she's in weight loss
00:38:28Mode and she's needing to be fit every time they test her it
00:38:32And literally forcing me to drink liters of water
00:38:37She was basically kneeling on the mats like this with a bottle of water in her hand just crying
00:38:45Dripping with tears drinking this water
00:38:50She doesn't weigh in for this
00:38:53She's just a little girl
00:38:54She's just a little girl
00:38:57Drinking this water
00:39:00She doesn't weigh in for this first fight
00:39:03That's it. It's done. The SADA literally were testing Bianca
00:39:10Ridiculous amounts of times no one humanly possible could have endured the physical
00:39:17Consequences of the amount of testing that they conducted on her leading up to really major competitions
00:39:25Rather than me focusing on all of this thing that me and Gary I've created over the years
00:39:30Which is an ongoing project of learning how to box the highly
00:39:35Technical sport of boxing in which your mind has to be completely absorbed in and rather than even
00:39:40Trying to consult that I'm thinking is that a SADA outside? Is that a SADA?
00:39:47Testing someone four or five times in a 10-day period is not right. They specifically targeted her
00:39:54Whoever's providing them information is somebody who their beliefs opinion is in her regard
00:40:01And the only people who would have that sort of power would be in boxing
00:40:10Sometimes I feel like I'm about to fall over on one side either with work or training or my social life and
00:40:18I feel like I've thrown myself too much into one way or another
00:40:21I
00:40:23Get I'm getting through a lot by support from my friends, so if I feel like I'm about to burn out I go
00:40:29Oh my god. I'm gonna burn. I help me and then I just get the reassurance that I'm doing a good job. It's okay
00:40:35I don't like feeling like I'm I don't like disappointing people
00:40:40She's easily distracted charmingly distracted. You know and distractible so she can be you know
00:40:46caught up in lots of different activities and
00:40:49Have you know that sort of
00:40:52Complexity of character that as an athlete is is sometimes
00:40:56you know detrimental really for the achievement of the goal of winning the
00:41:03competition and getting to the top and getting that gold medal because it's
00:41:07You know it can't be taken you can't do everything you can either do that or you can live a
00:41:13Complex multilayered interesting life yeah, and I think that it's hard for her because she really clearly wants to do both
00:41:20find myself in Canberra
00:41:24Cramped up and strangled by
00:41:29Passion and just find myself supplementing my depression by a very quick fixes going out
00:41:38My trigger when I'm bored
00:41:42And I'm bored it's no good
00:41:43No good at all
00:41:46leading up to the
00:41:47The World Championship trial she's out in civic with a friend's birthday
00:41:53She says I didn't drink well
00:41:55I know you didn't drink, but you're out till 4 in the morning when you should be asleep
00:41:59What are you actually sacrificing? I mean she trains a house down a train and professional wise
00:42:05Spot-on with everything after the trainer the lifestyle stuff. She wants it. She's got to be
00:42:13eating properly
00:42:14Sleeping properly and given a given all of that stuff up
00:42:19And she's as dedicated as anybody I've met inside, but then outside
00:42:28I
00:42:29Know him very well. He knows me very well
00:42:33We're on the same page
00:42:39Turmoil love
00:42:55The reason why I mean Gary had such a functional relationship is because he hates authority himself
00:43:02Doesn't have a father-daughter dynamic. Oh, I hope not
00:43:09Absolutely she tries to call me daddy
00:43:12I'm probably not old enough to be a daddy anyway, and I'm certainly prettier than to be a daddy
00:43:18So
00:43:34No, I'll say no
00:43:39All right, well fuck I can't get out of it
00:43:45I'm gonna just take responsibility
00:43:49The good and the bad and ugly
00:43:55Hello, how are you? What are you doing?
00:44:06So I
00:44:09The last
00:44:11Kilo wouldn't come off Gary. I tried my fucking hardest. I
00:44:16Got up at 430 this morning and my body just wouldn't respond at all and I give you my word
00:44:23I've tried my hardest in the last two weeks
00:44:26So I had to go up to 57
00:44:31No, I'm not my my body's fucked so they'll do the draw later on
00:44:37I
00:44:41Don't wait to be honest is probably 54 kilos, but I don't think she can get a head round to doing that again. Mm-hmm
00:44:50Because it's it's just a psychological battle in itself just to make the way I'm about to board my plane
00:44:57Had some serious
00:45:00Reflection time
00:45:01So I was down on myself because I couldn't make the way I did just
00:45:07Pushed my body so far in a Gary got very disappointed with me
00:45:12Which has been heartbreaking
00:45:15I'm very isolated and I got very afraid of that loneliness
00:45:20again, but I also know that
00:45:24That is what's required to get to complete excellence and I could be number one in
00:45:31Stockade or number one in camp or even number one
00:45:35In Australia, but that's not good enough for me decision for me is that I do want to give everything to it. I
00:45:42Know I can be number one in the world
00:45:45100% now I can do that. I can apply myself completely to it and then I fail
00:45:53And I'm really scared of that failure
00:46:04I
00:46:34I
00:47:04I
00:47:28Yesterday I found out like who I was fighting so it just became a bit real suddenly and
00:47:33so I
00:47:37Like just got a bit nervous
00:47:39For a minute. Oh my god, and then I started playing like mind games like okay
00:47:44I've drawn India like it started competing all kinds of stuff man
00:47:49so funny, I
00:47:51do well and truly believe that I can win this and
00:47:57In the past I feel like maybe it was a bit more of a
00:48:04Flighty dream and something that sounded quite good
00:48:07Maybe deep down in the depth of my heart and mind. I didn't really believe it somewhere
00:48:14Whereas now I feel like I can stand in front of anyone and go toe-to-toe with them
00:48:20I'm in the ring with someone in front of me. We're both trying to punch each other's heads in
00:48:26I'm gonna try and punch her head in more than she's in time
00:48:30Yes, I've earned this spot
00:48:32Your brain telling you you're not good enough or I'm not fast enough or I'm not strong enough
00:48:37I'm not fit enough or I'm not skinny enough
00:48:41there all those shit and so all of that goes on in your head and
00:48:47then you'd like block all of that out and then
00:48:51Suddenly you're in the ring and then you're like, oh, this is the this is why this is the fun part. Yeah
00:48:56I don't give a shit what anyone says I will dance
00:49:20Oh
00:49:50I
00:50:20Oh
00:50:50Oh
00:51:21In the red corner
00:51:42My first world championships
00:51:45I
00:51:49Don't want to go back to the hotel ever again. I
00:51:59Must run away. I
00:52:03Lost my boxing brain and the boxing brain is the one that allows you to
00:52:10Work on milliseconds and
00:52:13Strategize and have reflexes and
00:52:18and
00:52:21Outsmart your opponent and I didn't outsmart her at all. I just came in like a bull that takes guts and
00:52:31You know to do it all like with a
00:52:36Smile on my face and trying to bring people along that journey, you know
00:52:42if it doesn't go
00:52:44your way, you know, like
00:52:46that feeling is just
00:52:48very
00:52:50sad and
00:52:53Lonely
00:52:56Losing is so
00:53:03Lonely
00:53:12I
00:53:38Am ashamed of my performance
00:53:42I did not fight well
00:53:48Feels good to say though
00:54:01I was disappointed not in myself
00:54:04But just for her I know what she can do. Yeah, and I know she could have box better
00:54:09Yeah, it's about all the hard work that she had to do and I know that she could have done better
00:54:14She never disappoints me. I felt like I was disappointed for her
00:54:20It was just in front and then it wasn't and
00:54:26Yeah, it's all that training like Gary said all that work that you
00:54:31but I suppose that's how
00:54:33sport is and
00:54:35I think I think Bianca deals with it better than I do
00:54:41And we've had so many, you know ups and downs along the way and
00:54:46Being able to deal with them every single time and then it was like
00:54:55Because you've got to be mindful of the self-care
00:54:58First and foremost as a human being. Yeah, but then that self-care is your goals that you want to achieve
00:55:04Yeah, how are you?
00:55:06Yes thinking about balancing those two. Yeah now I
00:55:12Feel like I'm leaving living my life
00:55:16Closer towards my value systems of self-care. I've generally got a stronger sense of self now
00:55:23because I don't feel like
00:55:26I'm fighting against anything in particular now. I think Bianca is more peaceful herself now
00:55:32I think she's she knows who she is. I think she's confident about who she is
00:55:37Are you a champion because she lost 20 kilos or are you a champion because you won an Australian championship or did you win a medal?
00:55:44I
00:55:45Mean what what's a champion a champion might be the fact that you've overcome a certain fear of something and that boxing helps you
00:55:53To do that and if I can help someone do that then great
00:55:57Generally as a person he's someone you want to be like
00:56:01So I see him as a mentor on so many levels. He's a fantastic human being
00:56:19Okay, I gotta keep playing
00:56:22Oh, this is great you guys are motivating me to do this shit now, I'll strip my sheets
00:56:38Domestic domestic duties are freaking worse man. Tell me that now
00:56:42This is Oscar the second first Oscar died somewhere, so he's that's his
00:56:51Descendant I
00:56:53Used to you know always say to her whatever you do
00:56:57I don't you know don't don't be afraid that you might fail at something
00:57:01I don't mind that you've up all I would want you to do is that you did the very best that you could do
00:57:07My mom is probably in the most positive space that she's I've ever seen her before and I made a note with that
00:57:13Yesterday to her I said I've never seen you this happy
00:57:17before for the first time
00:57:19Having a relationship with my mom. It's been a really it's been really delightful to be in her company
00:57:31The military is a
00:57:34That can be fertilized
00:57:37the building blocks of life is
00:57:41Experiences all sorts of things that happen in your life to be who you are today
00:57:46You need good and bad and happy and sad and successful and unsuccessful
00:57:53Through your life everyone has that
00:57:56so I
00:57:57mean, it's shaped it definitely definitely, but
00:58:02Hopefully we learn from it too, and that's the key. It's been a really good
00:58:08life skill to
00:58:11Navigate through life trying to deal with people who have different opinions
00:58:15Different belief systems different ways of expressing that but definitely in this room like my auntie Kim and her family
00:58:23have been
00:58:25unconditionally loving like
00:58:27always and
00:58:30Not the rest of my family, I'd say but definitely my
00:58:41Definitely my auntie a hundred percent like
00:58:47And that's it sounds like a baby
00:58:52You know and everything else is just details like like for me knowing that I have a strong
00:58:59Connection with people which is unconditional and that love that I always know I have here
00:59:05Is like I can put up with anything. I don't care. I'll do anything
00:59:10for that so
00:59:28I
00:59:30I
00:59:32I
00:59:55Disappointment doesn't scare me like losing something doesn't scare me anymore because I've lost things in the past
01:00:03I'm scared of it. It's almost like the less that you're scared of it the more you can just embrace it and go
01:00:08You know it's part of life, and there's nothing I can do about it
01:00:17She sort of didn't let any of it get her down too much
01:00:20She just kind of rolled with the punches. You know she's a fighter. We all know
01:00:25That I'll just box still because I'm obsessed with it. I love it
01:00:30And I've never felt so
01:00:32Emotionally happy before
01:00:34It's not really about the result of what you're doing. It's more about how you look at things and how you
01:00:42Experience the journey and all
01:00:45My whole mindset has changed, and it's so much better, and I'm enjoying every day a lot more
01:00:52Than I've ever done before
01:00:59It's a well and truly deep belief seed inside of your soul that you can tell yourself
01:01:06That no matter what is happening in your external world that you are worthy
01:01:11And if you well and truly believe that you are worthy and like nothing else matters
01:01:16Nothing else matters, and that I find like a beautiful life lesson. I was well from boxing
01:01:29I
01:01:59I
01:02:29I
01:02:59I
01:03:29I
01:03:59I
01:04:29I