A Man join the search for a missing teenage girl she used to nanny HD ( Comedy, Drama )
A Man join the search for a missing teenage girl she used to nanny HD ( Comedy, Drama )
Transcript
00:00:00No foul play is suspected in the teen's disappearance and the family is concerned for her well-being.
00:00:28So if you have any information...
00:00:29What is it?
00:00:30It's Brooke.
00:00:31She here again?
00:00:32You can call the local police or the number you see on the screen.
00:00:33Why are you sopping on the couch?
00:00:34The news of Brooke's disappearance was widely circulated on social media.
00:00:35Perhaps because of last year's case involving police sergeants...
00:00:36Okay.
00:00:37We'll just mute that and then...
00:00:38How long has she been missing?
00:00:39You just said four days.
00:00:40Well, I think you need to tell somebody that you saw her.
00:00:41Like Jill?
00:00:42No, like the fucking police.
00:00:43Even though she's been missing for four days?
00:00:44I don't know.
00:00:45I don't know.
00:00:46I don't know.
00:00:47I don't know.
00:00:48I don't know.
00:00:49I don't know.
00:00:50I don't know.
00:00:51I don't know.
00:00:52I don't know.
00:00:53I don't know.
00:00:54I don't know.
00:00:55I don't know.
00:00:56I don't know.
00:00:57I don't know.
00:00:58I don't know.
00:00:59I don't know.
00:01:00I don't know.
00:01:01I don't know.
00:01:02I don't know.
00:01:03I don't know.
00:01:04I don't know.
00:01:05I don't know.
00:01:06I don't know.
00:01:07I don't know.
00:01:08I don't know.
00:01:09I don't know.
00:01:10I don't know.
00:01:11I don't know.
00:01:12I don't know.
00:01:13I don't know.
00:01:14I don't know.
00:01:15I don't know.
00:01:16I don't know.
00:01:17I don't know.
00:01:18I don't know.
00:01:19I don't know.
00:01:20I don't know.
00:01:21I don't know.
00:01:22I don't know.
00:01:23I don't know.
00:01:24I don't know.
00:01:25I don't have my bed sheet.
00:01:26I don't have my shawl.
00:01:27And my towel.
00:01:28Good job for washing your body.
00:01:35Thank you.
00:01:45Hey, yeah, is this the tip line?
00:01:52Um, yeah, this is about Brooke Renner.
00:01:55My roommate saw her, like, three days ago.
00:01:59When would she have to come in?
00:02:02Coming!
00:02:21Hold on!
00:02:22Jeez.
00:02:33Oh my God, what the fuck?
00:02:34I know you're in there, you fuck, come out!
00:02:36Oh my God, Brooke, did you just throw that through my window?
00:02:39And did you just call me a fuck?
00:02:41You need to leave!
00:02:42Where the fuck am I supposed to go, Sam?
00:02:44To your aunt's house, and stop swearing, it doesn't sound cool.
00:02:46Okay, I can do whatever I want.
00:02:48Yes, I know, Brooke, you've made that abundantly clear.
00:02:51How did you get downtown?
00:02:53I took the bus.
00:02:54You on the bus?
00:02:55I got a ride, alright?
00:02:57Please leave, and take an Uber home.
00:02:59I just want to know why you lied!
00:03:04I'm not doing this with you today.
00:03:06Fuck you, Sam, fuck you!
00:03:10Are you drunk?
00:03:21Fuck.
00:03:26Dinner's ready!
00:03:49Thanks for cooking again, Philip.
00:03:51Just ragu.
00:03:52Still food.
00:03:54It's not, but you're welcome anyway.
00:03:57So, um...
00:04:02What are you going to do about Brooke?
00:04:05I'm not sure.
00:04:06Just say that she broke our window in your statement tomorrow,
00:04:10and, you know, we'll ask her aunt to pay for it,
00:04:13and, you know, she'll go home on her own.
00:04:15She's just being 15, like the Taylor Swift song.
00:04:17She's 14.
00:04:18Yeah, even worse.
00:04:20Yeah, I know, it's like when your boobs are the weirdest,
00:04:22you're wearing bad halter tops, it's a nightmare.
00:04:24I'm sure she's going to be fine, though.
00:04:26Hasn't she done this, like, a few times?
00:04:27Yeah, I mean, she's probably loving the missing person posters.
00:04:32They used a selfie.
00:04:33She looks great.
00:04:34You can't say she looks great, Paige.
00:04:35She's missing.
00:04:37I mean, it's not, like, out of character for her to do this for attention,
00:04:40but, like, I'm so worried.
00:04:43Well, you're not getting paid to worry about her anymore.
00:04:45I'm worried that you're still not leaving the house.
00:04:48Okay, I showered today.
00:04:51Oh, my God.
00:04:53I did.
00:04:54You did.
00:04:55I did.
00:04:56Yeah.
00:04:57And I almost went to your show last night.
00:04:59Okay, but you didn't, so I just sat there all night, lonely Paige.
00:05:03What? You bring home strange girls from comedy bar all the time.
00:05:06I mean, lesbian sex, there's, like, a less than 1% chance of catching an STI,
00:05:10so it's not risky.
00:05:12That's not true.
00:05:14That's dangerous misinformation.
00:05:16You know what I'm talking about, though.
00:05:18It's not like lesbians, you're never bringing home a stranger.
00:05:20Everyone's, like, someone's ex, someone's dog walker, you know,
00:05:23someone's friend, twice removed.
00:05:25Yeah, okay, that's true.
00:05:26That is gay math.
00:05:29Speaking of exes, I did see Noah last night,
00:05:33and he said he was trying to call you again.
00:05:35Paige, seriously, let's talk about anything else.
00:05:39You were saying that you have an STI?
00:05:41It's not at all what I said.
00:05:43Yeah, you were confessing to us.
00:05:44I said it's impossible for me to catch them.
00:05:46Oh, we got it wrong.
00:05:48What year do you think everyone in the world has HPV?
00:05:51Soon. I hope.
00:05:53What do you mean?
00:05:55What do you mean by you hope?
00:05:56Just kind of something to talk about with people.
00:06:00Well, you also, by the way, didn't miss truly anything last night.
00:06:03Alicia.
00:06:05I know.
00:06:06Is still doing that, like, pick me up, daddy, that, like, daddy thing.
00:06:09She says daddy a bunch of times.
00:06:11Please say she retired the jean shorts over the top of the tights look.
00:06:14Okay, she did, but sort of a twist.
00:06:16She added some really bizarre hats.
00:06:18So it's hard to tell if we're sort of winning or losing with her.
00:06:22We're losing.
00:06:23It's giving loss.
00:06:25It's giving loss what she did.
00:06:26Alicia's giving us loss.
00:06:36Did Brooke tell you she was intoxicated?
00:06:39I mean, she didn't tell me she was drunk, but she was drunk.
00:06:45What else did she say?
00:06:49She called me a liar.
00:06:51You know, small talk.
00:06:55And was there anything else that you noticed different about her?
00:07:00Her hair.
00:07:01She dyed it blue, like this soapy blue.
00:07:04Blue hair?
00:07:05Yeah, but it wasn't, like, all blue.
00:07:07It was, like, dip-dyed kind of.
00:07:09It was, like, just the ends sort of, but it was done, like, really shitty.
00:07:15She dyed it blue, yeah.
00:07:18Okay.
00:07:21Thank you.
00:07:25Look, I don't know what you, um.
00:07:31I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha.
00:07:34Yeah, me too.
00:07:38Just get in touch if you remember anything else.
00:07:42Okay.
00:07:44We all just want to make sure that Brooke gets home safe, right?
00:07:50Okay.
00:07:53Here.
00:07:54Yeah, um, I have one.
00:08:09Thanks for waiting.
00:08:24Were you a reliable witness?
00:08:26Yeah, I remember everything about her.
00:08:28I can't get her out of my dumb brain.
00:08:30Okay, so you did everything you could, and it's out of your dumb hands now.
00:08:37I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha.
00:08:51Okay.
00:09:04Samantha?
00:09:10Hi, are you Mrs. Renner?
00:09:11Oh, I'm her sister, Jill.
00:09:13Oh, Brooke's favorite aunt.
00:09:15Come on in.
00:09:22You're so short.
00:09:24Right this way.
00:09:29Brooke is so psychotic.
00:09:31You can have a seat here.
00:09:33Thank you.
00:09:35Cameron, this is Samantha.
00:09:38Hi.
00:09:39Hi.
00:09:40Samantha, I'm Cameron.
00:09:41Nice to meet you.
00:09:43Got your resume here.
00:09:45Yes.
00:09:46Seems, uh, I've never done this before.
00:09:52I'm Sam.
00:09:55I was an au pair for a family in the U.K. for two years.
00:10:00I'm also a comedian.
00:10:02I took improv in college.
00:10:03Oh, yeah.
00:10:04Zip, zap, zap.
00:10:05Totally.
00:10:06Like...
00:10:07Yeah.
00:10:08Yeah.
00:10:09Yep, love it.
00:10:10So, I mean, I spend most of my time with overgrown children.
00:10:13Why'd you leave?
00:10:14I'm still doing comedy.
00:10:15I'm still, like...
00:10:16Family in the U.K.
00:10:17Oh, um, I just didn't renew my student visa, so, like, paperwork, I guess.
00:10:23You're in luck.
00:10:24The only paperwork you'd have to fill out here is permission slips for field trips and things like that.
00:10:28Oh, Brooke can't do her own forgeries yet?
00:10:32No.
00:10:33Um, I also have a fine arts degree.
00:10:38Um, yeah, I just thought a fine arts degree feels applicable.
00:10:43Yeah, you know, art.
00:10:45Brooke loves to draw.
00:10:47That's great.
00:10:49Uh, so...
00:10:51Here's the situation.
00:10:52Um, Brooke's mother's very sick.
00:10:54She's in and out of hospitals all the time.
00:10:56I know.
00:10:57I'm really sorry the agency told me.
00:10:59That's...
00:11:00Yeah, and I still need to work quite a bit, so I would need someone maybe to stay over a few nights a week.
00:11:06We have a guest room.
00:11:08I'd be here more, but I live an hour out and with two kids and work, it's a lot with the hospital visits.
00:11:14Totally, yeah.
00:11:15As you can imagine, the amount of change in a young girl's life has made Brooke a little difficult.
00:11:22Of course.
00:11:23I mean, that's a teenager's job, right?
00:11:25Yeah.
00:11:28That's a joke?
00:11:30Yeah.
00:11:32I hope.
00:11:41Brooke, can you come out, please?
00:11:44No, thank you.
00:11:45I don't want a nanny.
00:11:47Mom will get better.
00:11:49I know she will, sweetie.
00:11:50In the meantime, can you just come out and meet Sam here, please?
00:11:54She's nice.
00:11:55Oh, thank you.
00:11:56Hi.
00:12:04Hi.
00:12:08Why can't you just stay at home like you used to at the beginning?
00:12:10Brooke, say hi.
00:12:13If you do, we'll go to the skate park this weekend.
00:12:15I promise.
00:12:17Oh, you skate?
00:12:19Okay, that's cool.
00:12:20Very intimidating.
00:12:24You know what?
00:12:25We'll be in the kitchen if you guys want ice cream after.
00:12:28Cool.
00:12:29Okay.
00:12:32Okay, ice cream.
00:12:33That is a bribe I can get behind.
00:12:38Right?
00:12:39They know what they're doing.
00:12:41Maybe we trick them.
00:12:42We go downstairs.
00:12:43We're like, yeah, we're friends.
00:12:44And then we get the dessert.
00:12:47No, I don't need a nanny, okay?
00:12:49I'm 12.
00:12:51Okay, fair.
00:12:52Totally.
00:12:54Why don't we think about it as being friends?
00:12:56I'll just be a friend that's old enough to know you can't have pizza for dinner every night or play with matches all the time.
00:13:02And I'll be paid.
00:13:05I know what you're trying to do.
00:13:07You're trying to be funny.
00:13:09And I'm not being funny?
00:13:10No, not really.
00:13:12Okay, that hurts.
00:13:13But the fact that you have high comedic standards means it's going to be easy to be friends with you.
00:13:19You're not like other nannies, are you?
00:13:22You're not like other kids, are you?
00:13:25No.
00:13:28Okay, well, if you're going to be stuck with me, what do you want to do tonight?
00:13:33I have a new episode of Riverdale.
00:13:36I love Riverdale.
00:13:44So basically, that's why I don't fuck guys who read books anymore.
00:13:51Hey, good to see you.
00:13:52Yeah, it's been a while.
00:13:53Yeah, I'm probably a lot healthier and less depressing.
00:13:56Yeah, you'd think.
00:13:58When are you up?
00:13:59Oh, no, I'm not on the lineup. I'm just here for moral support.
00:14:02Okay, well, you could joke about literally anything now, so that's good, right?
00:14:07What?
00:14:09Just that you're uniquely positioned with all the topics at your disposal.
00:14:15Yeah, I'm really lucky.
00:14:18No, I just mean that I'm...
00:14:19Tim's just jealous because you can talk about your period and he can't talk about his.
00:14:24Okay, thank you, Zara. Got me. Sowie, baby made a bad joke.
00:14:27Okay, I gotta go.
00:14:33Thanks.
00:14:34Of course. Tim's the worst.
00:14:35Oh, horrible.
00:14:36Yeah.
00:14:37I feel like his hair somehow got more insully.
00:14:40You know what? I don't even think there's gel in it. I just think it grows that way.
00:14:44Wow. Horrible.
00:14:45Penis.
00:14:46Really weird.
00:14:50What? Tim say something dumb?
00:14:51Oh, he tried to make a certain kind of joke. So funny.
00:14:55Oh.
00:14:56I mean, Tim's obviously jealous because he is in no way relevant.
00:15:00Okay, well, what happened to me doesn't make me relevant, Paige.
00:15:03Yeah, I know that. The fact that you're a woman makes you relevant.
00:15:06Exactly. Garlina, bring some of that girl boss energy to the lineup tonight.
00:15:10I have genuinely missed seeing you be an annoying white woman on stage.
00:15:14Genuinely.
00:15:15Thank you.
00:15:16But I gotta go because I have a date and in his bio it says that he's a poet,
00:15:21so that'll be fun to torture my parents with.
00:15:23Okay, have fun.
00:15:25Good to see you.
00:15:26Zara, please fuck the poet.
00:15:28Fuck the poet.
00:15:31And I would just say fuck the poet.
00:15:32One more time, yeah.
00:15:33Just for you to fuck the poet.
00:15:36So?
00:15:38All I have is what I had for my Montreal dating. It's not really topical two years later.
00:15:42Who cares, dude? Tim's still doing material about Frasier.
00:15:45Hands up if we think Niles eats ass.
00:15:48I just, I'm not ready to like take the think pieces and the sub-tweets
00:15:51and port them over into real life heckling and harassment.
00:15:53Your Montreal set was so good. I was so mad at you for getting that taping.
00:15:59Yeah, well, you know, you win some, you lose some lifelong dreams,
00:16:03and then you watch your friends and peers live out those dreams,
00:16:06so you don't have to be mad anymore.
00:16:08You don't have to be mad anymore.
00:16:13I feel like your youth pastor stuff could still work.
00:16:17I mean...
00:16:21You guys, you are in for a very special treat tonight.
00:16:24After a brief hiatus, the pride of Toronto.
00:16:28Not in the gay way, though. That was Paige earlier.
00:16:34And I guess me now.
00:16:36But without further ado, you guys...
00:16:39Sam Towers!
00:17:05Sam Towers!
00:17:14Um, that was a joke, you guys. I would never give up my place.
00:17:19Even on dating apps, when they have their bio, like,
00:17:21please only contact me if you take care of yourself and love your body.
00:17:25And then I will literally see them doing medley circuit parties.
00:17:36You can joke about literally anything now, so that's good.
00:17:40You're funny! You are funny.
00:17:50So, what did you do at school today?
00:17:52We talked about our book I already read last summer at our cottage.
00:17:55The cottage where you broke the tablet I got you for your birthday?
00:17:58Ugh. Were you annoyed with how Twilight ended too?
00:18:02I'm also Team Jacob. I was like, what is going on?
00:18:04What is going on?
00:18:05You're Team Jacob.
00:18:06No, I'm Edward.
00:18:07You're Edward?
00:18:08Yes.
00:18:09Are you kidding me?
00:18:10Are you kidding me?
00:18:11Was he the one with the abs?
00:18:13They both have abs.
00:18:15I mean, completely different kind of abs.
00:18:17Like Jacob, it's a warm, cuddly ab.
00:18:20You put it in a sleeping bag, you snuggle up, you get toasty.
00:18:23Edward, ice cold abs. Cutting steel. Killing people.
00:18:27With his abs. Okay.
00:18:28Yeah.
00:18:29That all seems very rehearsed.
00:18:31Is that you treating us to one of your stand-up comedy things?
00:18:34No, those are usually much less funny.
00:18:36That was off the cuff because I'm passionate about it.
00:18:39Okay, what do you actually tell jokes about?
00:18:41Yeah, I was reading about stand-up comedy and it says a lot of it is apparently all about self-deprecation.
00:18:48You know, and you're not ugly.
00:18:50Not ugly.
00:18:51You're conventionally attractive.
00:18:52I'm just saying she doesn't have any affliction.
00:18:54You're not obese. You don't have a stutter.
00:18:56Okay, stop it.
00:18:57Was that a joke, Cameron?
00:18:59I mean, no, but...
00:19:01Wow, your dad is going to roast battle me?
00:19:04Um, no, but actually I mostly do observational stuff about men being bad.
00:19:09It's called political comedy. It's very trendy. A lot of women do that.
00:19:13I also do the classics, you know? My period, the mall, skin care.
00:19:18Guys, do I love them? Do I hate them? I'm changing my mind. I'm going crazy.
00:19:22Where's my tampon?
00:19:24They shout it back. They go, where is it?
00:19:26And the crowd goes nuts.
00:19:29I'm going to do it all at my show tonight. Big period show.
00:19:32Right, which is all derivative of Ruth Buzzi.
00:19:37Who is Ruth Buzzi?
00:19:40Who is Ruth Buzzi?
00:19:43So I realized something today.
00:19:45I realized I have a lot more in common with closeted, homophobic youth pastors than I thought.
00:19:52The same way that they're denouncing gay people is the same way I'm denouncing straight men.
00:19:59Very loudly. Very, very loudly.
00:20:02I'm going over town. I'm preaching, preaching. I'm tweeting on my phone.
00:20:05Men are bad. They're so evil.
00:20:06Then, I'm going home. I'm blowing a graphic designer.
00:20:11Seriously though, it's like we need a Volkswagen level recall on men in general
00:20:16because the airbag is exploding, okay?
00:20:19We've got a lot of choking hazards, if you know what I mean.
00:20:23Yeah, like if one out of every ten cars was killing its entire family
00:20:28and then the next day the news was running a photo of the car on a jet ski,
00:20:33would we still sell them? I don't know.
00:20:36Even though they're bad, they're murdering people, I am having sex with them.
00:20:41As much as possible.
00:20:44I'm at the bar. I'm signaling guys like a Republican senator signals the male intern.
00:20:50Hell yeah.
00:20:51I'm like, Kyle, I need you in the bathroom for something.
00:20:55He's spraying ash, body spray, like smoke signals.
00:21:01So really, who am I to judge Justin Bieber's youth posture?
00:21:04Because I want to fuck Justin too.
00:21:08Thank you guys so much.
00:21:19Bye.
00:21:49Bye.
00:22:19Okay.
00:22:50Hi, I'm here for Brooke Renner.
00:22:53Are you a relative?
00:22:55She's my nanny. She's late.
00:22:58I mean, we agree nanny is kind of an antiquated term, but yes.
00:23:03Are you okay?
00:23:04Yeah, I'm fine.
00:23:05I'm fine.
00:23:06I'm fine.
00:23:07I'm fine.
00:23:08I'm fine.
00:23:09I'm fine.
00:23:10I'm fine.
00:23:11I'm fine.
00:23:12I'm fine.
00:23:13I'm fine.
00:23:14I'm fine.
00:23:15I'm fine.
00:23:16I'm fine.
00:23:17Yes.
00:23:18Are you okay?
00:23:19I didn't know you went to Hogwarts.
00:23:22I'm sorry, I'm going to need to see some ID.
00:23:24Oh, yeah.
00:23:25Sure.
00:23:27I have that.
00:23:31Okay, this is a library card.
00:23:33Okay.
00:23:34Okay.
00:23:35Could I say, I know her full name, her middle name.
00:23:40I know her food allergies.
00:23:42Could I say that?
00:23:47Hey.
00:23:50What happened?
00:23:55My mom was supposed to come home, but she got an infection last night.
00:24:03And your dad?
00:24:05He decided to work if we couldn't go to the hospital.
00:24:09Well, it's perfect. I was on my way to meet up with my best friend.
00:24:12So, are there any plans?
00:24:13No, no.
00:24:14We were just going to the movies and now you can come with us.
00:24:17Isn't sci-fi you and your mom's favorite?
00:24:23What kind of car is that?
00:24:25I think just old.
00:24:28What movie are you seeing?
00:24:30An R-rated one that you probably shouldn't be watching.
00:24:35Okay.
00:24:36And I promise I'll take you to see your mom tomorrow if she's feeling better.
00:24:39I talked to Jill earlier.
00:24:41Okay.
00:24:44So, what kind of snacks are we thinking for today? Everything?
00:24:48I don't know.
00:24:49You don't know?
00:24:56Paige and Philip, meet Brooke.
00:24:58Hey, Brooke.
00:24:59Hey.
00:25:00We've heard nothing but good things.
00:25:02Yeah, right. Sam gets paid to hang out with me.
00:25:04No, seriously. Sam's actually really jealous of your hair and your clothes. Whole vibe.
00:25:10She's profoundly intimidated by you.
00:25:13Kind of pathetic.
00:25:15Sure.
00:25:17Brooke, are you coming to the movies with us?
00:25:19Yeah, if that's alright.
00:25:21Oh, yeah. Any friend of Sam's is a friend of ours.
00:25:24Especially one with such voluminous hair.
00:25:26Yeah.
00:25:27Thank you.
00:25:40Yeah.
00:25:50Yeah. I'm gonna go grab a drink with Noah if you wanna come.
00:25:56Um.
00:25:58No, I think I'm just gonna...
00:26:02Yeah.
00:26:03Um, didn't go well when I finally tried to go out last night, so...
00:26:07Say hi, though.
00:26:09Yeah, I'll probably just lie and say I'll call him.
00:26:12Paige?
00:26:14Do you think he hates me?
00:26:17He'd be an asshole if he hated you.
00:26:20Yeah. And he's not an asshole, right?
00:26:28I mean, kinda. But, like, in a good way.
00:26:33I like assholes. We're all assholes.
00:26:36I'm sorry that I'm not a fun asshole anymore.
00:26:38Okay, you were there for me during the Great Depression of 2016, and I will never forget that.
00:26:43I was a nasty woman.
00:26:45Yeah, I know, but, like, after that...
00:26:47No, I don't wanna talk about that. We don't need to.
00:26:49No, I didn't think that you were jealous of my taping. I shouldn't have said that.
00:26:52I was jealous. And I probably shouldn't have told you you only got it because you were thin and white.
00:26:58Okay, so I'm hearing that, and you're saying I'm thin.
00:27:01You should hear that you're malnourished.
00:27:05I mean, I'm living for this, though. I am loving just seeing my friend laying down all day long.
00:27:11Sometimes microwaving something.
00:27:14No, I've been very horizontal lately.
00:27:17But I'm telling you, I'm not gonna be the one to drive you to physio when your muscles atrophy, so let's turn the beat around.
00:27:23Fuck, okay.
00:27:25Yes, move your body. Chair aerobics. Write some jokes.
00:27:31Movement.
00:27:32Movement.
00:27:33How about this?
00:27:36Yeah, I'll do it again.
00:27:38Shit.
00:27:40Um, I do cherish you, and I do have to leave.
00:27:44Okay, have fun at the show.
00:27:46Oh, you know I will have fun, because you know who's on the lineup.
00:27:48No, no, no.
00:27:50Alicia, baby.
00:27:51Daddy.
00:27:52Daddy.
00:27:53Well, now I'm jealous.
00:27:55Oh, daddy.
00:28:02Oh, did you really think I'd change?
00:28:05Nothing like a good thing going in the morning.
00:28:10Oh, girl.
00:28:13Girl, I loved you.
00:28:17The way I wanted to.
00:28:25Are you tweeting already?
00:28:27Yes.
00:28:28Morning tweets?
00:28:29I have some big killer tweets.
00:28:31Oh, yeah?
00:28:32My boyfriend's so annoying.
00:28:34Excuse me?
00:28:35Stinks and is rude.
00:28:37What?
00:28:38Boom, viral.
00:28:39Did you tag me in it at least?
00:28:40I can't tag you. That's bad for the brand.
00:28:42The brand?
00:28:43Yeah, I have to shit on you, never tag you, and then a million girls are going to comment.
00:28:48So true, queen.
00:28:50They don't even know me.
00:28:52Well, it's worth it, because look what I get to look at.
00:28:57What do you mean?
00:28:59Like, look what I get to look at.
00:29:01And you have to look at me.
00:29:03My view's good, too.
00:29:05But I'm just saying that the property value of being in my body is actually higher than being in yours,
00:29:11because my face looks out at yours.
00:29:14Oh.
00:29:15See? And your face looks out at, like, a vacant lot where they can't build,
00:29:22because there used to be a gas station there.
00:29:24I don't know. I feel like there's potential.
00:29:27I'm seeing, like, an organic cow co-op.
00:29:31Wow.
00:29:32They're building a Target.
00:29:33Nice.
00:29:34A Pilates studio for dogs.
00:29:36Okay, so gentrification?
00:29:38Unfortunately, yes, but the Pilates studio's going to be amazing.
00:29:43Great.
00:29:44Good plan.
00:29:46Hey, um, you know, I actually need to check the foundation of your property.
00:29:51Of mine?
00:29:52For a second, yeah.
00:29:53Why?
00:29:54Well, because there's been some concerns.
00:29:56Concerns?
00:29:57Yeah, there's been leaks.
00:29:59Leaks?
00:30:00Yeah, soil density issues.
00:30:01Oh, my God.
00:30:03And if you don't mind, a couple of guys from the city are going to come down and join me.
00:30:06Oh, only a couple?
00:30:07Yeah, but you'll barely notice we're here, okay?
00:30:09Okay.
00:30:10Oh, don't use your hot water for a bit.
00:30:12Okay.
00:30:24Ugh.
00:30:41Can I, uh, get you anything else, Sam?
00:30:43Um, do you think this premise is funny?
00:30:46It's funny.
00:30:47It's like two old-timey dudes, like, named Victor and Timothy, come up with the term
00:30:52victim, so it's like the Vic from Victor and the Tim from Timothy, and it's like, oh, you're
00:30:58inserting yourself into that, even.
00:31:01Um, yeah, I guess.
00:31:03It's not your best work, to be honest.
00:31:05Yeah, no, it's bad.
00:31:07Thanks, Jeremy.
00:31:08Get you another Sparrow?
00:31:10Yeah, thanks.
00:31:11All right, this one's on you.
00:31:12Thanks.
00:31:16Bye.
00:31:35Sam?
00:31:37Can I talk to you?
00:31:38Um, Jill, I, like, asked you not to come around here.
00:31:42I'm trying to work.
00:31:43You're working again?
00:31:44Well, I'm trying to drink, but, yeah.
00:31:48How are you?
00:31:49Oh, um, thriving, obviously.
00:31:53Listen, I just want to know what you told the police.
00:31:56Just that I saw her.
00:31:58Or heard her.
00:31:59She threw a rock through my window.
00:32:02She stopped going to school.
00:32:04Well, probably because she can't throw rocks at school.
00:32:08She also, uh, released her rabbit into the ravine behind the house.
00:32:11Samity.
00:32:15Maybe she was trying to free it?
00:32:19She died of blue first.
00:32:21Oh.
00:32:23She really misses you, Sam.
00:32:26And it's even worse now because I had to sell the house.
00:32:28My sister's house?
00:32:30And she just, she totally uprooted.
00:32:32I gave all of the information that I have.
00:32:35And I really doubt that she misses me.
00:32:38I mean, she literally started a petition on Change.org to have me arrested.
00:32:43So.
00:32:44Please, Sam, you know her best.
00:32:46Did she ever say anything to you about a Nathan?
00:32:49No.
00:32:51I'm sorry, I really am.
00:32:54Come on, please don't hold this against us.
00:32:56I'm not holding anything against you or against Brooke.
00:33:00I just, I feel terrible, okay?
00:33:03I don't know how, I didn't see the signs, I didn't...
00:33:05Okay, don't beat yourself up about it.
00:33:07The last thing that I want is a woman blaming herself for all of this.
00:33:11That's not what I'm doing.
00:33:13Please.
00:33:14All I see is Brooke's mother's face every time I look at her.
00:33:17Okay, and all I see is her father, so.
00:33:36Keys.
00:33:38Oh my God.
00:33:41Come on.
00:33:52Brooke?
00:33:54Brooke, I'm here!
00:33:59Brooke?
00:34:01Oh my God.
00:34:03Brooke.
00:34:08It's gone.
00:34:10She died, I can't believe she died.
00:34:13I'm so sorry, Brooke, I'm here.
00:34:16I'm here.
00:34:17He left me.
00:34:40I'm here.
00:35:11I'm here.
00:35:20Cameron?
00:35:30Um, Cameron?
00:35:32Oh.
00:35:37Brooke's asleep, I'm gonna go.
00:35:44I don't know how to do this.
00:35:48What do I say to her?
00:35:53Can you stay, please?
00:35:56Tell a joke or something.
00:35:57I, I don't, I don't know if this is the time for it.
00:36:00I'm sorry.
00:36:03I'm gonna be here first thing tomorrow.
00:36:06I'm gonna have all my Twilight jokes, I promise.
00:36:19I'm so sorry.
00:36:27I'm sorry.
00:36:57I'm so sorry.
00:36:58I'm sorry.
00:36:59I'm sorry.
00:37:00I'm sorry.
00:37:01I'm sorry.
00:37:02I'm sorry.
00:37:03I'm sorry.
00:37:04I'm sorry.
00:37:05I'm sorry.
00:37:06I'm sorry.
00:37:07I'm sorry.
00:37:08I'm sorry.
00:37:09I'm sorry.
00:37:10I'm sorry.
00:37:11I'm sorry.
00:37:12I'm sorry.
00:37:13I'm sorry.
00:37:14I'm sorry.
00:37:15I'm sorry.
00:37:16I'm sorry.
00:37:17I'm sorry.
00:37:18I'm sorry.
00:37:19I'm sorry.
00:37:20I'm sorry.
00:37:21I'm sorry.
00:37:22I'm sorry.
00:37:23I'm sorry.
00:37:24I'm sorry.
00:37:25I'm sorry.
00:37:27I'm sorry.
00:37:28I'm sorry.
00:37:29I'm sorry.
00:37:30I'm sorry.
00:37:34Rehanspirum.
00:37:42If you move it in the same circles, in the same way, then your own circle atoms, they must become straight lines.
00:37:48Okay?
00:37:56♪ Every turn, every turn ♪
00:37:59♪ Rusty strings and plastic slide ♪
00:38:03♪ Push me up and down, take me for a ride ♪
00:38:06♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪
00:38:09♪ Ass is white and the lawn is dead ♪
00:38:13♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪
00:38:17♪♪
00:38:24How's she doing since she's been back at school?
00:38:27I let her get social media, but I don't know.
00:38:30It's cute that you think it's all just called social media.
00:38:33I mean, she's taking on this very cool teen attitude
00:38:36to make it seem like she doesn't care about anything,
00:38:37but I know how to deal with that particular defense mechanism,
00:38:40so we're figuring it out.
00:38:43Glad she has you to talk to right now.
00:38:45Yeah, Cameron does not really know what to say.
00:38:48So he's kind of needed a buffer between him and Brooke.
00:38:53Yeah, like a translator of girls.
00:38:55Yeah, actually, that's a great way to put it.
00:38:58Yeah, I mean, I think he thinks I'm, like, interesting
00:39:02or, like, endearingly weird or something,
00:39:04but I don't think he's ever talked to a woman in a hoodie before.
00:39:07Oh, he always loved Laura's class.
00:39:09Oh, are you calling me not classy, Jim?
00:39:10No, that's... No, I'm not...
00:39:13No, I just... I just meant that I think he always liked our...
00:39:18you know, our family friends and fancy dinners and vacations.
00:39:22And just, like, Laura's life.
00:39:24You know, she's always made things so beautiful.
00:39:27You're both super classy broads.
00:39:29That's for sure.
00:39:31Thanks, Sam.
00:39:33I just really fucking miss her so much.
00:39:35Yeah.
00:39:37Can we see the birds now?
00:39:38Yep, the birds. I know.
00:39:39We're gonna go look at the birds. Come on.
00:39:43Hey, are those those weird white ones with the pink eyes?
00:39:47They're Netherland dwarf rabbits.
00:39:51You like them?
00:39:53I mean, I wouldn't mind having one.
00:39:55You'd have to ask your dad.
00:39:57He won't care.
00:39:58He says yes to everything ever since Mom.
00:40:07You know, I could name one after you.
00:40:09Okay, tempting.
00:40:14This one does kind of look like me.
00:40:17I see it. I feel it.
00:40:19It's the energy. It is.
00:40:20And the cuteness. Oh, of course.
00:40:22It just has Sam written all over it.
00:40:24Yes.
00:40:27So, what do you think of getting your dad for his birthday?
00:40:32A coupon for doing my chores?
00:40:35You're a housekeeper, Brooke.
00:40:38You know, it's gonna be the first year
00:40:40that he's celebrating without your mom.
00:40:43He likes history books.
00:40:45Like the War of 1812 and all that.
00:40:48Okay, you're right. Your dad is boring.
00:40:50But good news is,
00:40:52there's a very cool used bookstore by my house.
00:40:54Could we go tonight?
00:40:56Oh, I can't tonight,
00:40:58because I'm supposed to hang out with Paige.
00:41:00I could come.
00:41:02Well, I mean, you're not really allowed where we're going.
00:41:04Why?
00:41:06Well, because it's a comedy club and you're a child.
00:41:08So...
00:41:10You don't tell any jokes about me, do you?
00:41:12No, never.
00:41:14It's God's honor, I promise.
00:41:16Okay.
00:41:20Anna, hurry up.
00:41:22Okay, safety first.
00:41:24Just locking in.
00:41:26We're on. We're ready to go.
00:41:28Ah!
00:41:30You know, I am working on some material
00:41:32about teens in general.
00:41:34Yes, how it's no fair that Gen Z
00:41:36already knows about, like, skin serums and stuff.
00:41:38So they're just gonna rule the world
00:41:40with their poreless skin forever.
00:41:42Okay, you know, your skin is fine.
00:41:44Fine? Very generous.
00:41:46Thank you. Wow.
00:41:50What's the most embarrassing thing
00:41:52that's happened to you with a boy?
00:41:54Ooh. Oh, sounds like there's a lot.
00:41:56Um, okay, one time
00:41:58I pissed myself in my boyfriend's car.
00:42:00You pee to yourself?
00:42:02With Noah?
00:42:04No, not with Noah.
00:42:06Why? Dylan.
00:42:08I was wearing light pink jeans.
00:42:10I was at a party. Everybody saw.
00:42:12And that, young Brooke, is why you should never
00:42:14experiment with alcohol or pastel denim
00:42:16until your bladder fully develops at age 18.
00:42:18Alcohol smells gross anyway.
00:42:20Brooke, listen to me.
00:42:22One day, probably very soon,
00:42:24you're gonna be offered
00:42:26multiple coolers of some kind,
00:42:28and they are gonna taste like lemonade,
00:42:30gummy bears, and no matter how good they taste,
00:42:32you can only have one.
00:42:34Okay. Jesus.
00:42:36Okay, because otherwise you're gonna be peeing your pink jeans.
00:42:38I don't have pink jeans.
00:42:40Okay, you're gonna be peeing your cool mom jeans.
00:42:42Okay.
00:42:44Oh.
00:42:58And so in the bedroom,
00:43:00he makes me call him Daddy.
00:43:02Thank you.
00:43:22Sam?
00:43:24Noah.
00:43:26Hey. Hey.
00:43:28I haven't seen you here in, like, a year.
00:43:30Are you, uh, are you doing shows again?
00:43:32Oh, uh, no.
00:43:34Um, I'm just here watching Paige and Philip.
00:43:36How are you?
00:43:38Are you, uh, are you writing or...?
00:43:40Um, I mean, like,
00:43:42not really.
00:43:44I have, like, one joke about online shopping.
00:43:46Great. Nice.
00:43:48I love your shopping stuff.
00:43:50It was always, uh, uh, cerebral.
00:43:52Cerebral? Yeah.
00:43:54Wow. Thank you.
00:43:56Um, that's very generous.
00:43:58Um, yeah, I mean,
00:44:00it's all I can write about,
00:44:02because I basically just sit at home,
00:44:04open a hundred tabs,
00:44:06and then buy a bunch of T-shirts
00:44:08with money I don't have, so...
00:44:10Oh.
00:44:12I-I can go back to helping with rent if that...
00:44:14Oh, my God, no.
00:44:16Um, that was a joke.
00:44:18Oh. Ha. Okay. Yeah. I mean...
00:44:20I'm not gonna make you pay rent.
00:44:22I-I kicked you out.
00:44:24No, that's... it's not... kick me out.
00:44:26You know, I'm feeling more useless than usual,
00:44:28which is hard for a comedian.
00:44:30Yeah, it must be really hard
00:44:32for you.
00:44:34You know what I mean.
00:44:36Yeah, I know, but, um,
00:44:38Paige and Phillip are both pitching in on rent,
00:44:40and they're, like, ridiculously good
00:44:42at pretending that I'm pulling my way
00:44:44as a roommate, so...
00:44:46I thought you, um...
00:44:50I thought you needed time alone.
00:44:52I-I am alone.
00:44:54I'm-I'm alone with them.
00:44:56Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:44:58That's... I shouldn't have...
00:45:00No, it's okay. It's totally okay.
00:45:02Um...
00:45:04It's good to see you.
00:45:06Yeah, you too.
00:45:08Oh, uh, please, I-I didn't...
00:45:10I'm not... please, I-I wasn't...
00:45:12It's okay. It's totally fine.
00:45:14Um, I actually was about to go home...
00:45:16Yeah.
00:45:18...anyway, so I'm gonna go.
00:45:20Okay.
00:45:22Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:45:24Okay.
00:45:26♪ Even though I know
00:45:28♪ Hell is
00:45:30♪ A-crowding...
00:45:32And because it's, like,
00:45:34you touch hands, and then it reminds him
00:45:36that he has the power...
00:45:38Bullshit is all I'm saying here.
00:45:40I mean...
00:45:42Excessive. Excessive? Come on.
00:45:44You were doing the right thing.
00:45:46I know, man.
00:45:48Oh, sorry, I was just taking out the trash.
00:45:50I'm sorry. Hey, uh, Sam, this is officers, uh,
00:45:52Gerard and Lawrence.
00:45:54Hi. Hi.
00:45:56Gerard here was just defending my honor.
00:45:58It's, uh, it's Jim Hunt,
00:46:00and, uh, this is Conrad, and, uh...
00:46:02Conrad.
00:46:04Can we, uh, can we offer the babysitter a beer?
00:46:06Okay, first of all, she's an au pair.
00:46:08The less teen version of a babysitter.
00:46:10Thank you, Cameron. I get it. I get it.
00:46:12It's like, uh, the thing with stewardesses.
00:46:14You can't call them stewardesses anymore.
00:46:16Flight attendants, the correct term.
00:46:18They're actually pretty funny.
00:46:20The signpost of the sky, truly.
00:46:22Anyway, Sam doesn't want to drink beer
00:46:24with a bunch of old dudes.
00:46:26Oh, no, I mean, Conrad is young-ish.
00:46:28Yeah. Thank you.
00:46:30All right.
00:46:32So, uh, what do you do with Brooke?
00:46:34You know, math homework,
00:46:36keep her from slipping into an existential crisis too early.
00:46:38Right. All that good stuff.
00:46:40Yeah.
00:46:42Must be, uh, tough without her mom.
00:46:44Yeah.
00:46:46Yeah, she must, uh, think you're pretty cool.
00:46:48Yeah, she loves Sam.
00:46:50Well, I mean, even you and I,
00:46:52with our relative youth,
00:46:54are already considered way too out of touch
00:46:56to be cool to teens.
00:46:58Cam and I must be royally fucked.
00:47:00Oh, yeah.
00:47:02Brooke's always giving me shit for saying stuff I'm not supposed to.
00:47:04Well, I mean, you're not supposed to say
00:47:06exotic, but...
00:47:08I don't know. Cameron's pretty funny.
00:47:10My wife thinks he's hilarious.
00:47:12Really? Oh, yeah.
00:47:14I don't know about you. I mean, you're not ugly.
00:47:16You're a straight, white dude.
00:47:18You don't stutter. Oh, I get it.
00:47:20That's a callback.
00:47:22Yeah, that's a term in comedy
00:47:24where an inside joke comes back around.
00:47:26Oh, yeah.
00:47:28Sam's a stand-up comedian.
00:47:30No way. What?
00:47:32Like a comedian, but a girl.
00:47:34Right. But I thought, like, isn't comedy,
00:47:36like, it's hard on women, no?
00:47:38Uh...
00:47:40No, it's really easy. I just wear a tiny little top.
00:47:42I go on stage, I make baby noises,
00:47:44and then I get a million dollars,
00:47:46and everybody in the audience goes,
00:47:48yes, queen!
00:47:50That's a joke from one of her sets.
00:47:52I've seen her videos.
00:47:54You've watched... Fuck. You've watched my videos, Cameron?
00:47:56What? Which ones?
00:47:58Whoa, whoa, whoa. We have to see one of these.
00:48:00Are you on YouTube? Yeah, look her up.
00:48:02Sam Cowell, YouTube.
00:48:04Is that her? Yep, that's her.
00:48:06Oh, my God.
00:48:0849,000 views. That's pretty good.
00:48:10Oh, my God.
00:48:12I'm a nanny, which is the politically correct term
00:48:14for old babysitter.
00:48:16Wait, you do sets at the Laugh Basket?
00:48:18That's pretty cool.
00:48:20No, the basket is not cool, okay?
00:48:22It smells like pee, and the floor is always wet.
00:48:24Is she a mom
00:48:26or a struggling actress?
00:48:28Either way, I am rock hard, so...
00:48:30You're funny.
00:48:32You are funny.
00:48:34Ugh, this is so inappropriate, Cameron.
00:48:36What?
00:48:38I have to vet you somehow.
00:48:40I'm looking out for my one and only daughter.
00:48:42I guess so.
00:48:44My big, flirty move on a date
00:48:46is to make the guy pinky promise
00:48:48not to kill me.
00:48:50Yeah, more stuff about men.
00:48:52I get it, I get it.
00:48:54And then it reminds him that he has the power to kill you.
00:48:56We should all go see her.
00:48:58When are you there? No, please.
00:49:00Yeah, put us on the list. Is there a list?
00:49:02No.
00:49:05It is hard to be
00:49:07a nanny for this
00:49:09generation, though, because it's like
00:49:11they know everything, you know?
00:49:13It's like everything you know,
00:49:15they know, and they know
00:49:17what's wrong, and they know which member
00:49:19of the Clinton Foundation made you think that it was right.
00:49:21It's like...
00:49:34Hey.
00:49:36Pay attention, this is a good movie.
00:49:38I don't care about space.
00:49:40You don't care about the wonder of space?
00:49:42The ever-expanding universe?
00:49:44Sandra Bullock?
00:49:50Hey.
00:49:52Are you okay?
00:49:58I'm fine.
00:50:00Are you okay?
00:50:04Have you ever burned a photograph?
00:50:06What?
00:50:08Like, in a...
00:50:10cathartic way.
00:50:12Um...
00:50:14I mean, I guess.
00:50:16Only of exes. Definitely of Dylan.
00:50:18Why?
00:50:20I was just thinking of deleting a bunch of photos
00:50:22off my phone.
00:50:24But you don't have any ex-anythings.
00:50:30No.
00:50:34You're gonna want those.
00:50:42I just, I, you know, I see her
00:50:44every time I try to take a new picture
00:50:46because my phone has this
00:50:48feature where, you know,
00:50:50it gathers up photos based on faces
00:50:52and just, like, displays them
00:50:54in an album, and it...
00:50:56I know.
00:50:58I know, and the feature's
00:51:00horrible, and it adds songs.
00:51:02It's not good.
00:51:04But...
00:51:06it's gonna hurt a lot
00:51:08more later if you don't have anything to remember her by.
00:51:12I was just thinking about it.
00:51:14Okay, well...
00:51:16Maybe just do an
00:51:18iCloud backup in case you're
00:51:20thinking of doing anything rash.
00:51:22I'm surprised you know anything about backups.
00:51:24Okay.
00:51:26Wow, I'm not that old.
00:51:28P.S. I'm surprised
00:51:30iCloud can even store the number of selfies
00:51:32you take. Although, the poses
00:51:34are spectacular.
00:51:36I'm gonna borrow this and this.
00:51:38The tilt?
00:51:40Okay, you're all set.
00:51:48So what's this movie about?
00:51:50I told you.
00:51:52Sandra Bullock.
00:51:54It's good. It's a lot of
00:51:56strings. They break, they
00:51:58tangle. Then strings are gonna
00:52:00save someone.
00:52:02...
00:52:04...
00:52:06...
00:52:08...
00:52:10...
00:52:12...
00:52:14...
00:52:16...
00:52:18...
00:52:20...
00:52:22...
00:52:24...
00:52:26...
00:52:28...
00:52:30...
00:52:32...
00:52:34...
00:52:36...
00:52:38...
00:52:40...
00:52:42...
00:52:44...
00:52:46...
00:52:48...
00:52:50♪♪
00:53:00♪♪
00:53:10♪♪
00:53:20♪♪
00:53:30♪♪
00:53:40♪♪
00:53:50♪♪
00:54:00♪♪
00:54:10Brooke.
00:54:12What? What? What?
00:54:13What is it?
00:54:14You need to get up.
00:54:15What?
00:54:16You need to get up now.
00:54:17What happened to your head?
00:54:18I, um...
00:54:20I tripped.
00:54:21What?
00:54:22The carbon monoxide monitors are going off.
00:54:24We have to leave now.
00:54:25What about my dad?
00:54:26Why can't I...
00:54:27He's fine. He left.
00:54:28I turned them off.
00:54:29We have to go.
00:54:30Fine.
00:54:31♪♪
00:54:36No, no, no.
00:54:37We don't have time.
00:54:38We have salmon.
00:54:39He's gonna die, okay?
00:54:40It'll affect the small rabbit lungs first.
00:54:41Okay, fine.
00:54:42Fine.
00:54:43I'll just...
00:54:44You get the door.
00:54:45Okay.
00:54:46Be really quiet.
00:54:47Why should I be quiet?
00:54:48What is going on?
00:54:49Because...
00:54:50I can hear the...
00:54:51So I can hear the monitors just...
00:54:52What?
00:54:53Be careful of the salmon handling.
00:54:55Okay.
00:54:56What?
00:54:57Here, take this.
00:54:58Okay.
00:54:59Are those your dad's keys?
00:55:01Yes.
00:55:02Okay.
00:55:03Let's go.
00:55:04Quiet.
00:55:05Get in the front seat.
00:55:06Okay.
00:55:07♪♪
00:55:12Just get...
00:55:13Get in, get...
00:55:14I'm doing that.
00:55:15How do I open the garage?
00:55:16Just here.
00:55:17This thing?
00:55:18Yes.
00:55:19Put it in your seatbelt.
00:55:20♪♪
00:55:23Sam, Sam, it's okay, all right?
00:55:24We all thought out.
00:55:25It's okay.
00:55:26It's okay.
00:55:27Can you pull over?
00:55:28I know, yeah.
00:55:29Can you pull over?
00:55:30Can you just pull over?
00:55:31Can we call my dad?
00:55:32Stop!
00:55:33Okay.
00:55:34I'm gonna...
00:55:37I'm gonna call the...
00:55:38I'm gonna call the fire department.
00:55:41Okay.
00:55:42Where's my phone?
00:55:45Where's my phone?
00:55:46I need my phone.
00:55:47It's right here.
00:55:48It's here.
00:55:49It's fine.
00:55:50Okay.
00:55:51What are you doing?
00:55:52Stay in the car, Brooke.
00:55:53You could be hurt, okay?
00:55:55Carbon monoxide is very complicated.
00:55:57I'm fine, Sam.
00:55:58Just stay in the car, okay?
00:56:00♪♪
00:56:08You're okay.
00:56:10You're okay.
00:56:12♪♪
00:56:22♪♪
00:56:32♪♪
00:56:42♪♪
00:56:52♪♪
00:56:54♪♪
00:57:00♪♪
00:57:08♪♪
00:57:16♪♪
00:57:26♪♪
00:57:36♪♪
00:57:46How are you feeling, Sam?
00:57:49Um, is Brooke okay?
00:57:52She's here at the hospital.
00:57:54She's physically fine.
00:57:55Her aunt's on the way.
00:57:58And...
00:58:02this is what you want to file?
00:58:05Okay.
00:58:08Sam!
00:58:09Sam!
00:58:10Sam, what's going on?
00:58:11Are you okay?
00:58:12What's going on?
00:58:13No, Sam!
00:58:14What did you say?
00:58:15What's...
00:58:16What's happening?
00:58:17Sam!
00:58:18What's going on?
00:58:19Sam!
00:58:21Can you please get the fuck out of my room?
00:58:25♪♪
00:58:32♪♪
00:58:37♪♪
00:58:48Dude, it's so exciting.
00:58:50Yes!
00:58:51Sam!
00:58:52Paige's green card got approved.
00:58:54Hey, baby!
00:58:56What?
00:58:57What's wrong?
00:58:58What's going on?
00:59:01Hi.
00:59:02Sat on the floor?
00:59:03What's going on?
00:59:04What's happening?
00:59:05What is this Lisa Frank monstrosity?
00:59:09Why does it smell like a half-smoked cigarette?
00:59:12It's Brooke's.
00:59:14How would you get...
00:59:16I found it.
00:59:17I went back to the house.
00:59:18She's been staying there.
00:59:20No, you went back there?
00:59:23That is way too big a trigger, dude.
00:59:25You need to drop this and start taking care of yourself.
00:59:28I'm trying to take care of myself, okay?
00:59:30I know that I'm a huge fucking burden.
00:59:37I knew it, just say it.
00:59:38My PTSD is a huge fucking burden.
00:59:40For fuck's sake, it's not that.
00:59:44What?
00:59:45Dude, say something.
00:59:46I mean...
00:59:49Does it suck that we can't invite people over here?
00:59:51Yeah.
00:59:53You know, does it suck that you still haven't met Ravi?
00:59:57And we've been dating for five months.
00:59:59And we always had to stay at his place.
01:00:01And he has the worst sheets.
01:00:02Yes, that sucks.
01:00:04But dude, it's fine.
01:00:05It's not fine, I'm annoying.
01:00:07Sam, you have always been annoying.
01:00:09And we have always loved you.
01:00:11Just, you know, let's just drop it.
01:00:14I'm trying, okay?
01:00:15I'm doing my therapy.
01:00:16It's just imaginal exposures don't always work.
01:00:21Maybe she does need to be trying the in vitro exposures.
01:00:25No, what?
01:00:26It's in vivo.
01:00:27I'm not a child, okay?
01:00:28So please stop treating me like one.
01:00:30And I'm sorry, Paige, that you got good news
01:00:33and I ruined your night.
01:00:34Okay, you're not a child.
01:00:36But you are a daughter and a friend and a girlfriend.
01:00:41Paige, don't.
01:00:42And no, and we all want those Sams
01:00:45to drop the Brooke thing
01:00:47so that we can get those Sams back, please.
01:00:50I'm not a girlfriend, okay?
01:00:52I'm not a girlfriend.
01:00:53And I'm barely a friend.
01:00:55I'm not contributing anything to this friendship
01:00:57or to society or to anyone.
01:00:59So just stop being so fucking nice to me.
01:01:13Okay, well, if you want,
01:01:16you could start paying full rent again.
01:01:20Okay, well, I can't do that.
01:01:22It's obviously cool.
01:01:23I was just...
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:31I just can't stop thinking about how much Brooke hates me
01:01:34and, like, what if something's actually wrong
01:01:37and then she, like, dies thinking I ruined her life?
01:01:43She's not dying, okay?
01:01:46She's still bullying us on Twitter.
01:01:50Okay.
01:01:52But I really think you should get in touch with Noah
01:01:55because he knows this whole situation
01:01:57and this is just so much for Phillip and I.
01:02:01I agree with Paige.
01:02:03I mean, he's a really good listener.
01:02:06Actually, more than either of you, but...
01:02:08Okay, Sam, just either, like, reach out to Noah
01:02:11or come to the all-women's ayahuasca retreat
01:02:13I keep talking about, but this has just got to stop.
01:02:17And, you know, maybe next time you're out,
01:02:21you just grab some toilet paper.
01:02:25Okay.
01:02:35Hey.
01:02:37Can I come in?
01:02:39Yeah.
01:02:41Can I get in the bed with you?
01:02:44Yeah, sure.
01:02:48I'm glad you texted.
01:03:05Are you okay?
01:03:07Yeah.
01:03:09Yeah?
01:03:11Yeah, I'm fine.
01:03:13Paige kind of made it sound like
01:03:15we weren't doing so good.
01:03:17Not that she told me much.
01:03:19I don't want to...
01:03:21I mean, I'm here if you want to talk.
01:03:23I could just listen to you.
01:03:31What are you doing?
01:03:33Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:03:35Are you sure about this?
01:03:37Hold on a second.
01:03:39Just be quiet, okay? It's fine.
01:03:41Just let me...
01:03:43Okay.
01:03:45Okay, yeah.
01:03:47Holy shit.
01:03:56That was, uh...
01:04:00Are you okay?
01:04:02Yeah. Totally.
01:04:05I'm fine.
01:04:16Yeah, he's probably here this week
01:04:18with everybody's favorite skinny rich white girl,
01:04:20Sam Cowell!
01:04:22I do it to be nice to the guys.
01:04:24Gotta be nice to the guys.
01:04:26There's so many of them that have gone backstage,
01:04:28like, be nice to the guys.
01:04:30Thank you guys so much!
01:04:35So, I heard the bad news.
01:04:39Nobody wants me
01:04:41And I'm the only girl
01:04:43In the world
01:04:47I can't stand
01:04:49It's on my telephone
01:04:53Hey, you guys. Good to see you.
01:04:55Oh, yeah. No, that's crazy.
01:04:57I've never climbed Kilimanjaro.
01:04:59Hey!
01:05:01Hey! Hi!
01:05:03Good to see you.
01:05:05Okay.
01:05:07I showered.
01:05:09Dude, you look hot. Thank you.
01:05:11It's killing me to be here,
01:05:13but I do look hot. You do.
01:05:15You're not gonna, like, ruin the party
01:05:17and jump off the roof or anything?
01:05:19Oh, my God, no. I would never
01:05:21ruin Paige's green card-approval party
01:05:23by jumping off the roof tonight.
01:05:25Have you seen Paige yet?
01:05:27I mean, you cannot miss her.
01:05:29I'm gay! I'm a genie!
01:05:31I'll grant you a wish!
01:05:35I am really happy for her, though.
01:05:37She deserves this.
01:05:39Yeah,
01:05:41you sound so happy
01:05:43and not bummed or jealous at all.
01:05:45But
01:05:47I'm really glad you left the house.
01:05:49And I'm actually even glad that you bought all the American flag
01:05:51stuff, even though it is... Thank you.
01:05:53Extremely American.
01:05:55So American. Yeah, so...
01:05:57Now we just need to get you back on stage.
01:05:59You're gonna help me pick a new stage name?
01:06:01What?
01:06:03Sam Kyle's an incredible name.
01:06:05Plus, you're probably
01:06:07the first Google search result now, so...
01:06:09Wow.
01:06:11Okay, fine. I'm gonna say it.
01:06:13I did it for attention.
01:06:15Sam...
01:06:17You shouldn't be joking about
01:06:19search engine optimization.
01:06:21Yeah, you're right. No, that's too far.
01:06:23It's too far. That's the line.
01:06:25There's some things we shouldn't joke about. No more.
01:06:27I'm gonna get a drink. Do you want one?
01:06:29I needed one. Okay, yeah. I have to have one.
01:06:31Okay, well, I'll get you one. Thank you.
01:06:47Did she ever say anything to you about anything?
01:06:49No.
01:06:57Oh, my God.
01:06:59Parties were not like this when we were in junior high.
01:07:01They were in, like, basements
01:07:03or 7-Eleven parking lots.
01:07:05She told me this was a sleepover.
01:07:07Where is she? Is that her right there?
01:07:09There you go. Brooke!
01:07:11Hi.
01:07:13Hi.
01:07:15Are you drunk? No, it's just a birthday party.
01:07:17Okay, let's get this on.
01:07:19No, no, no.
01:07:21Hi. Hi.
01:07:23Um, Brooke owes me and Nathan
01:07:25$30 for his sprain off size.
01:07:27$30? That's insane.
01:07:29Okay, yeah.
01:07:31Um, do you have that, sir?
01:07:33Yeah, sure. To give you my last $20.
01:07:35There you go.
01:07:37No, no, it's $30. I'm not an ATM.
01:07:39Where did you guys get all this alcohol?
01:07:41Is this...
01:07:43Everyone here has an older boyfriend or, you know,
01:07:45something, so, you know, I don't...
01:07:47I don't want to leave. Okay.
01:07:49We are gonna go to Niagara Falls.
01:07:51Yeah, yeah, let's go. We're going home.
01:07:53Yeah!
01:08:15I miss this view.
01:08:19Yeah, we're really lucky.
01:08:23I missed you.
01:08:29Oh.
01:08:31Oh, fuck.
01:08:33Noah. Oh, please, Sam.
01:08:35No, that... No, I...
01:08:37I thought we were making progress.
01:08:39We? I mean,
01:08:41you and I just slept together.
01:08:43Yeah.
01:08:45So you're saying there's no
01:08:47glimmer of we anymore?
01:08:49I mean, there's barely
01:08:51a me right now.
01:08:53Yeah, yeah, okay.
01:08:55Well, do you think there would be a you
01:08:57to care about at some point?
01:08:59What?
01:09:01I don't know. I'm just... The pronouns are confusing me here.
01:09:03You, I...
01:09:05Everyone needs we's in their life.
01:09:07Fuck, Noah, this is just
01:09:09so not about you.
01:09:11No, I know. I know. I don't exist in this, okay?
01:09:13I'm just the ex-boyfriend.
01:09:15I...
01:09:17I just wish...
01:09:19What do you wish?
01:09:21I wish I could have been there.
01:09:23I know,
01:09:25but you weren't.
01:09:27And that's okay.
01:09:29That's why I was trying to be there after.
01:09:33But how, Noah?
01:09:35You know?
01:09:37By getting in fights on Twitter
01:09:39with trolls?
01:09:41By asking me, like,
01:09:43just why would he think that?
01:09:45Okay, I will regret that fucking question
01:09:47in my stupid life.
01:09:49I just can't be around you, okay?
01:09:51It just makes me feel like shit
01:09:53to be around the people who are there.
01:09:57You can go looking around for Brooke.
01:10:03Yeah.
01:10:05I guess that I can.
01:10:07Because Brooke is, like,
01:10:09the one person
01:10:11who doesn't pity me.
01:10:13She hates me.
01:10:15It's refreshing.
01:10:19I think I'm gonna go check on the ice.
01:10:21You don't care about ice.
01:10:23I do.
01:10:25I care deeply
01:10:27about the ice right now, Noah.
01:10:29I'm sorry.
01:10:31Hey.
01:10:33Hey.
01:10:45Hey.
01:10:55Who's this?
01:10:57Hi, this is Tiff.
01:10:59Uh...
01:11:01Tiffer?
01:11:03Yes, no, um, this, it's Tiffany.
01:11:05Um, Brooke's friend from school.
01:11:07What do you want with her?
01:11:11Uh, no, um,
01:11:13that's not why I'm calling.
01:11:15Um, I was wondering
01:11:17if I could...
01:11:19Whoa, not on the phone.
01:11:21Okay, look, if you want to buy,
01:11:23you're just gonna come by.
01:11:25Okay, come by the Tress.
01:11:27What?
01:11:29The greenhouse behind the convenience store
01:11:31on Main Street.
01:11:33Yo, are you calling from the city?
01:11:35You sound kind of old, you know?
01:11:37Uh, no, I-I'm in Niagara, too.
01:11:39This is my friend's phone.
01:11:41All right.
01:11:43All right, come by in, like, an hour, okay?
01:11:45Peace.
01:11:47Out.
01:11:51We are gonna do this.
01:11:55I can't believe you know where she is.
01:11:57And I'm sorry, but who's named Tiffany anymore?
01:11:59I don't know, I just panicked.
01:12:01Well, I'm packing you apples.
01:12:03Okay, and you're sober enough to drive?
01:12:05Yes, I only have one beer.
01:12:07And you're sober enough to go out there and be a big hero?
01:12:09I don't care what anyone thinks anymore.
01:12:11I don't even care what Brooke thinks anymore.
01:12:13I'm finding her.
01:12:15Do you want us to go with you?
01:12:17No, I have to talk to her on my own.
01:12:19I don't want to spook her.
01:12:21I wonder what this boyfriend drug dealer sells.
01:12:23I was thinking Molly.
01:12:25Guys, shut up, okay?
01:12:27Brooke could be high on anything right now.
01:12:29Do you remember how stupid we were when we were her age?
01:12:31I mean, we tried spooking dog hair once.
01:12:33Ugh.
01:12:35Okay, um, take my keys.
01:12:37Okay.
01:12:39Because teenage drug dealers who live in Niagara Falls
01:12:41probably, you know, don't have a lot to lose.
01:12:45I'm sure it'll be fine.
01:12:47Just don't think about euphoria.
01:12:49Go!
01:12:51Okay.
01:12:53Go get our girl.
01:12:59And how long had you and Mr. Dolman been dating
01:13:01on the night of October 13th?
01:13:03It was our three-year anniversary.
01:13:06And yet you chose to stay late at the Renner's.
01:13:10It was my job to stay late at the Renner's
01:13:12until Brooke fell asleep.
01:13:14And that night, you told Brooke
01:13:16that you wanted to leave with her
01:13:18because of a carbon monoxide leak.
01:13:20But there was no leak.
01:13:22No.
01:13:24I-I told her that so that I could...
01:13:26You lied to her about your intentions
01:13:28for wanting to leave the house?
01:13:30I lied so that I wouldn't have to leave her there
01:13:32after that.
01:13:34That.
01:13:38And Brooke has gone on the record
01:13:40saying that you were in love with her father.
01:13:44I was not in love with Cameron.
01:13:46I found him really boring
01:13:48and pretty sexist.
01:13:50I was in love with Noah.
01:13:57Exhibit C is one of Ms. Cowell's
01:13:59comedy clips from 2014.
01:14:01If everyone could direct their attention
01:14:03to the television.
01:14:05I mean, if you're not having rough sex,
01:14:07it's like, are you having sex?
01:14:09At that point, it's just procreation.
01:14:15And in February of last year,
01:14:17you were a guest on a podcast
01:14:19called The Crimson Wave
01:14:21in which you said, and I quote,
01:14:23it was offensive
01:14:25that you hadn't been hit on
01:14:27as a nanny.
01:14:29Well, I mean, you're
01:14:31taking that out of context.
01:14:33Oh, well, I don't understand.
01:14:35Could you explain what the context is?
01:14:37The context of a joke.
01:14:39I mean, also, you're not even playing.
01:14:41Like, these are my worst clips.
01:14:43I'm still flat-ironing my hair in these.
01:14:45I wasn't even nannying for them at the time.
01:14:47I'm...
01:14:53There's no evidence
01:14:55that states that my client
01:14:57didn't see this material
01:14:59to confirm
01:15:01that she wanted to have consensual
01:15:03rough sex with him.
01:15:05Are you gonna ask me
01:15:07what I was wearing next?
01:15:11If the defendant
01:15:13could please rise.
01:15:19In the case of the Queen
01:15:21versus Cameron Renner,
01:15:23on the charges of sexual harassment
01:15:25and aggravated
01:15:27sexual assault,
01:15:29I find the defendant guilty.
01:15:31I'm sentencing him to five years.
01:15:57She's lying to you.
01:15:59No, she isn't, Brooke.
01:16:01I know this is hard to understand.
01:16:03No, it's not.
01:16:05She's trying to take his money, okay?
01:16:07And now he lost his job.
01:16:09He lost his job.
01:16:11He lost his job.
01:16:13He lost his job.
01:16:15He lost his job.
01:16:17He lost his job.
01:16:19He lost his job.
01:16:21He lost his job.
01:16:23He lost his job.
01:16:25He lost his job.
01:16:27He lost his job.
01:16:29It's not true.
01:16:31He lost his job
01:16:33for money, okay,
01:16:35and now he lost his job.
01:16:37She saw our house and she saw his car
01:16:39and she was probably
01:16:41glad when my mom died.
01:16:43Brooke, enough.
01:16:45Noah, Noah, I'm so sorry.
01:16:47I had no idea, I swear.
01:16:49And Angelina...
01:16:51Why are you on their side?
01:16:53Get inside. Come on, let's go.
01:16:55Let's finish packing.
01:16:59Go.
01:17:01Holy shit, I'm sorry.
01:17:03Can we go? Can we just go?
01:17:05Please?
01:17:10She wasn't supposed to be here.
01:17:14Jesus.
01:17:23I'm sorry.
01:17:45Alright, yeah, yeah, I'm down here. Let's just go home.
01:17:47Just go to mine.
01:17:54I remember.
01:17:56Yeah, yeah, Ruth was there.
01:18:06Mine's the green one.
01:18:09Man, that was excellent.
01:18:22Alright, everyone in. Everyone in.
01:18:24Is that what you...
01:18:27You're welcome.
01:18:39Fuck.
01:18:59Fucking cop dog.
01:19:08Fuck.
01:19:19I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha.
01:19:21You can joke about literally anything now, so that's good.
01:19:24You're funny. You are funny.
01:19:28Is that you treating us to one of your stand-up comedy things?
01:19:32There's no evidence that states that my family didn't see this material.
01:19:37And that you didn't confirm that you wanted to have consensual rough time.
01:19:45I do want to know why you lied.
01:19:48This is what you want to find?
01:19:50She was really glad when my mom died.
01:19:52Ruth.
01:19:54You need to drop this and start taking care of yourself, man.
01:19:57I...
01:19:59I just wish this was fair.
01:20:01I know.
01:20:03One, two, three.
01:20:05There you go. Did that work?
01:20:07Yes.
01:20:08Thanks for the extra film, Noah.
01:20:10Oh, it's my pleasure. There's not enough pictures of you two on our fridge as it is.
01:20:15Gross.
01:20:16Okay, well then you can leave.
01:20:20Hey, make sure you get everything.
01:20:22I did. Bye, Noah.
01:20:24Bye.
01:20:25So you want me to stick around?
01:20:28No, it's okay. I have to help Brooke with her math homework.
01:20:31And Cameron is actually home for once.
01:20:34Yeah, and we all know that he's not a huge fan of the babysitter's boyfriend.
01:20:38I'm not wearing my bulletproof vest. I should get out of here.
01:20:41You have to wait up for me, though.
01:20:44I would wait for you until four in the morning.
01:20:46Okay, so I'll wake you up when I get back.
01:20:48Yes, please. Yeah.
01:20:50I'll see you really soon.
01:20:53I'll see you so soon. See you so soon.
01:21:05Do you want some ice cream?
01:21:07Sure.
01:21:10Delicious ice cream?
01:21:11Sure.
01:21:12I guess.
01:21:13You're so funny. You make me laugh. Thank you.
01:21:16You know, it was a lot easier to cheer you up when you were little.
01:21:19Whatever.
01:21:20Can you stay over tonight?
01:21:22I really have to get back tonight. It's my anniversary.
01:21:26Does he go down on you?
01:21:28What?
01:21:31How do you know about going down?
01:21:33Candace says that if a guy goes down on you and posts about you online,
01:21:37then he's boyfriend material.
01:21:40Wow.
01:21:41Noah posts about you on his stories a lot.
01:21:44Yeah.
01:21:45Yeah.
01:21:46Yeah.
01:21:47Yeah.
01:21:48Yeah.
01:21:49Yeah.
01:21:50Yeah.
01:21:51Yeah.
01:21:52Yeah.
01:21:53Noah posts about you on his stories a lot.
01:21:55Yeah.
01:21:56Yes.
01:21:57Yeah, he does.
01:21:58That's actually pretty insightful of Candace.
01:22:01She's not wrong.
01:22:03Okay.
01:22:04New conversation topic.
01:22:05We've never done this before.
01:22:10Are you good on your ice cream?
01:22:12Mm-hmm.
01:22:13Okay.
01:22:14I have to go and you absolutely need to go to bed.
01:22:18It is so late.
01:22:21Okay, watch.
01:22:23I'm going to get this all in one.
01:22:26Yes, there we go.
01:22:29Got it.
01:22:30Good night.
01:22:31Please go to bed, okay?
01:22:33Love you.
01:22:35Love you, too.
01:22:36Love you, too.
01:22:50Please stop.
01:23:21Cameron?
01:23:27Cameron, are you okay?
01:23:29Here.
01:23:30This is beer.
01:23:32Oh, I was just checking to make sure you were okay.
01:23:35I have to go soon.
01:23:36Brooke's asleep, so...
01:23:37Why wouldn't I be okay?
01:23:40Because you're kind of drunk.
01:23:43I'm still your boss.
01:23:45You can't talk to me that way.
01:23:47You can't talk to me that way.
01:23:50Okay, sorry.
01:23:53I'm just going to finish up the dishes and then go.
01:23:57I actually need to talk to you.
01:24:01Okay.
01:24:06What's up?
01:24:07So...
01:24:11I've been watching more of your stuff online.
01:24:17And I take it back?
01:24:20You take what back?
01:24:22That you're not funny.
01:24:25You're actually funny.
01:24:27I'm actually funny?
01:24:29Wow.
01:24:30Well, thank you, Cameron.
01:24:32That means a lot coming from someone as riveting as you.
01:24:37Your last special, you said,
01:24:41it's weird because I like cops.
01:24:44Yeah, but then the punchline was,
01:24:47I'm more partial to firefighters.
01:24:51No.
01:24:52That's not what I remember.
01:24:56Okay, well...
01:24:58I'm sorry to disappoint you, officer, but...
01:25:01Hmm.
01:25:02Um, I'm going to go.
01:25:06Uh...
01:25:08If I arrest you,
01:25:11young lady,
01:25:13young lady.
01:25:15Okay.
01:25:16Well, I can talk my way out of most tickets,
01:25:20so I'm going to go now, Mr. Renner.
01:25:22Just don't, Mr. Renner.
01:25:27It's Cameron.
01:25:32Really?
01:25:36I'm not...
01:25:40It's fine. It's okay.
01:25:42I'm sorry. I...
01:25:43I think it was just a misunderstanding.
01:25:45I'm just going to go.
01:25:47We don't...
01:25:48We can just forget about this. I'm going to...
01:25:52It's role play.
01:25:54That's the new show. I know you like it.
01:25:57Right?
01:25:59You scream, I'll arrest you.
01:26:04Are you serious? You're going to wake...
01:26:08You can't resist an officer.
01:26:13You have to comply.
01:26:15And I know you like handcuffs.
01:26:18Are you serious?
01:26:20This is ridiculous.
01:26:22You're just... You're like...
01:26:25I'm not ridiculous.
01:26:28Okay, I'm...
01:26:29Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:26:38Oh, my God. Please don't.
01:26:40Fuck.
01:26:42It's fine. It's fine.
01:26:44Hey, just look at me.
01:26:46It's fine. It's fine.
01:26:48Just look at me.
01:26:51Look at me.
01:26:59Look at me.
01:27:07Look at me.
01:27:37Look at me.
01:28:07Look at me.
01:28:32Brooke. Brooke.
01:28:34You need to get up now.
01:28:37Oh.
01:29:07Fuck.
01:29:38One, two, three, four, five, six.
01:29:40One, two, three, four, five, six.
01:29:43Metal is healing.
01:29:45Sometimes the beast needs feeding.
01:29:48Ride with me, Valkyrie.
01:29:50Slay all those fuckers that have hurt you in the past.
01:29:57Oh, it did me so bad.
01:30:02And every time I think of how you left,
01:30:07Oh, it gets me so bad.
01:30:12Hey, man, what you doing?
01:30:17Come on back, I need you moving.
01:30:22Say, hey, man, what you doing?
01:30:28Come on back, I need you moving.
01:30:32I am sore and I am melted.
01:30:38Chaos reigns.
01:30:40All is permitted.
01:30:42Ride with me, Valkyrie.
01:30:45Slay all those fuckers at that party from way back.
01:30:51Oh, it did me so bad.
01:30:57Okay.
01:31:28Okay.
01:31:44Brooke?
01:31:50Brooke?
01:31:58Why are you here?
01:32:01Who lives here?
01:32:03I do.
01:32:05Who else lives here, Brooke?
01:32:07Nathan and his brother.
01:32:09How do you know Nathan?
01:32:11I met him with Candace.
01:32:13Oh, that fucking idiot.
01:32:15Did Nathan give you drugs? What do you want?
01:32:17I just smoked pot, a teener. It's, it's...
01:32:20Holy shit, is that meth? Or oxy?
01:32:23What the hell are teens doing these days?
01:32:25You just chilled out, Sam. Why are you even here?
01:32:29Because I'm worried about you.
01:32:32Your whole family is worried about you.
01:32:34No, you're not.
01:32:36Yes, I am.
01:32:38Of course I am. Come on.
01:32:40That's ridiculous. We're going, okay?
01:32:42No, I don't want to...
01:32:43Yes, Brooke.
01:32:44No.
01:32:45Yo.
01:32:46Who are you?
01:32:48I'm Tiff.
01:32:50All right, Tiff, you shouldn't be here, okay?
01:32:54Have you seen the news?
01:32:56Do you know that Brooke is considered missing?
01:32:58Brooke's not missing anything, all right?
01:33:01You know what? Get out of my house.
01:33:03Not without Brooke. Come on.
01:33:05I don't want to go.
01:33:07See? Brooke doesn't want to leave either, all right?
01:33:09We're having a lot of fun here.
01:33:11How old are you?
01:33:13Are you 18?
01:33:15Yeah, so what if I am?
01:33:17Well, did you know that the little girl
01:33:19you've been feeding God knows what to is 14 years old?
01:33:21Sam, stop.
01:33:22Whatever. She's taller than you are.
01:33:24Okay, plus she told me that she was 16, so...
01:33:27Yeah, well, last year she was in a one-piece snowsuit.
01:33:30Wait a second.
01:33:33I know exactly who you are.
01:33:35You're the little bitch that got Brooke's dad
01:33:37locked up in the first place.
01:33:38Don't you fucking dare call me a little bitch!
01:33:40Sam, stop it!
01:33:42Come on, Tiffer, an apple?
01:33:45You've got to come packing a little more than that.
01:33:47Get up, Brooke. Let's go.
01:33:49Sam, stop it! Stop!
01:33:51And I took Brock off on my class pass three times last year,
01:33:55so do not fuck with me!
01:33:57I'll kill you!
01:33:58No, Nathan, if I ever see you come near Brooke again,
01:34:01I will come to your shitty, smelly house,
01:34:04and I will kill you!
01:34:05Stop!
01:34:06Let's go!
01:34:07Oh, my God!
01:34:08Come on!
01:34:11Brooke?
01:34:13It's Sam. It's...
01:34:19You're in my hotel.
01:34:21Or, this is definitely a motel, but...
01:34:28I got you out of that house.
01:34:31You kidnapped me?
01:34:33Kidnapped you?
01:34:34Yeah.
01:34:37You kidnapped me?
01:34:39Kidnapped you?
01:34:40Brooke, you're a missing person.
01:34:42I found you, okay?
01:34:43I'm a hero.
01:34:44I don't need your help, Sam.
01:34:46Okay?
01:34:47What is it with you kidnapping me from all these places?
01:34:50They're literally my friends.
01:34:52Jesus!
01:34:53Okay.
01:34:54I looked up what a teener was on Urban Dictionary.
01:34:57Okay?
01:34:58You're in big shit.
01:34:59Shut up.
01:35:01You're smarter than that.
01:35:04Okay.
01:35:06Maybe not.
01:35:11Here you go.
01:35:17Did any of those guys make you do stuff with them?
01:35:23What?
01:35:25Did any of them pressure you into doing stuff that you didn't want to do?
01:35:29I'm not talking to you about any of that, Sam.
01:35:32Okay, well, Nathan is 18, so any of that is technically illegal.
01:35:36I turn 15 in two weeks, Sam.
01:35:38Who cares if I made out with him?
01:35:40I don't know.
01:35:41I feel like a lot of people would care.
01:35:43Nathan is nice, okay?
01:35:46He didn't do anything wrong.
01:35:48Brooke.
01:35:49And neither did my dad.
01:35:51You freak.
01:35:52Brooke.
01:35:53Freak.
01:35:54Brooke.
01:35:55Your father did do something wrong.
01:35:56No, he did not.
01:35:57Do not say that.
01:35:58I know that it's hard to understand, but there was evidence.
01:36:01It's not hard to understand, Sam.
01:36:02I've read all the articles, okay?
01:36:03Oh, the articles?
01:36:04Yes.
01:36:05By who?
01:36:06Jordan Peterson?
01:36:07All the men's rights activists?
01:36:08I hate you.
01:36:09You don't have to ruin our lives.
01:36:12I didn't do anything wrong.
01:36:14You know I didn't do anything wrong.
01:36:16You did do something wrong, Sam.
01:36:17Brooke, what did I do?
01:36:19My life was ruined.
01:36:20Your life?
01:36:21Yes.
01:36:22Your life?
01:36:23Yes.
01:36:24I can't eat.
01:36:25I can't sleep.
01:36:26I can't go online.
01:36:27Fuck you.
01:36:28I don't want kids.
01:36:29Fuck you.
01:36:30I'm not even funny anymore, Brooke.
01:36:31Okay?
01:36:32I'm not funny anymore.
01:36:33Why would I want to?
01:36:34I don't know.
01:36:35Then what could I have possibly done to you?
01:36:37Huh?
01:36:38What did I do to you?
01:36:41You left!
01:36:45You left.
01:36:49Even if you didn't do anything, you should've left me, Sam.
01:36:59I'm sorry Brooke, I'm here okay, I'm here, I'm sorry.
01:37:24I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
01:37:31I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
01:37:38I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
01:37:43I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
01:37:48I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
01:37:53sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, so how do I know that you're not
01:38:21I'm not gonna run away again.
01:38:24Because if you promise to not tell my aunt about the drugs,
01:38:27I promise to stay there?
01:38:28No deal, Brooke.
01:38:30I only did it once, okay?
01:38:31Really?
01:38:32Yeah, okay, Brooke.
01:38:34And were you hiding it inside your body, too, for a friend?
01:38:37Okay, fine.
01:38:38But I do promise I will never do that again.
01:38:41It made me feel like shit.
01:38:42It's the least glamorous drug.
01:38:44It literally comes out of your skin.
01:38:45I didn't know what it was.
01:38:46I thought it was just weed, Sam.
01:38:48Okay.
01:38:49It truly changes the shape of your nose
01:38:51and your face bones.
01:38:52Okay.
01:38:53When we get to somewhere with good wifi,
01:38:55I'm showing you before and after pics.
01:38:56Okay.
01:39:02Sam, there's one more thing
01:39:03if I'm gonna let you turn me in.
01:39:09So you're bargaining now.
01:39:19♪ I know, I know, I know ♪
01:39:23♪ I gotta go now ♪
01:39:25♪ I know, I know, I know ♪
01:39:49♪ I know, I know, I know ♪
01:39:52♪ Driving out into the sun ♪
01:39:56When we all know why Kate is alive,
01:39:57here with her new hour, she is traumatized,
01:40:00but funny as hell.
01:40:01Put your hands together for Sam Cowell!
01:40:03♪ I can't see why I'm under your eyes ♪
01:40:07♪ Those poor, poor tears, my most dire ♪
01:40:12♪ Scream out to someone who's got tears in their eyes ♪
01:40:16Hi, everybody.
01:40:17I'm Sam, and tonight I'm gonna tell a rape joke.
01:40:22So, my ex-boyfriend will not stop making my rape about him.
01:40:27He has an identical hour, same material, right after this.
01:40:31He's like, please tell him to stay for the next show.
01:40:35So if you're like, I kinda need this,
01:40:36but from a male perspective, hang out.