Funny video clips
Be happy in your life hahahaha
Transcript
00:00Slow.
00:01Ow.
00:02Slow.
00:03Sorry.
00:04You were the one who wanted to try this.
00:05I do.
00:06Just use more lube.
00:07Okay.
00:08Where did you get it anyway?
00:09Online.
00:10What is this, crystal?
00:11It's Swarovski.
00:12Classy.
00:13How does that feel?
00:14Yeah, that's good.
00:15Hey, have you ever heard of Schrodinger's cat?
00:38Remind me.
00:39So it's this thought experiment.
00:43There's a cat locked behind a door, but you don't know if the cat's alive or dead.
00:49And...
00:50Oh.
00:51A little help back there.
00:54Yep.
00:55Got it.
00:56Okay.
01:02And so the thought is that the cat is simultaneously alive and dead.
01:13You won't know which until you open the door.
01:16Okay.
01:18What makes you bring that up?
01:19Well, I was thinking, you know, that's kind of like our relationship.
01:25Until we open the door, we won't know whether it's alive or dead.
01:33I was thinking the same when you opened that door.
01:37You want to talk about this now?
01:39We're at the three-month mark.
01:40I think that's appropriate.
01:43You want to talk about this right now?
01:47Come on, just tell me.
01:50What are we to you?
01:54All right.
01:55Well, I really like spending time with you.
02:02You know, you're a good activity partner.
02:13What?
02:15Activity partner?
02:19Yeah, I mean, yeah.
02:23Well, what do you want me to say?
02:25I mean, Natalie, you know, I told you I'm not looking for anything serious.
02:31I'm sorry.
02:33So spending all this time together, trying pretty intimate new things in bed together, that doesn't seem mixed-messagey to you?
02:44No, I just thought that that's what you wanted to do.
02:46Oh, my.
02:48Wow, that is such a dick move, Mark.
02:59Well, I have no interest in continuing something that's not going anywhere.
03:07What, did it fall out?
03:12It didn't fall out.
03:16Oh, shit.
03:17Oh, my God.
03:18Oh, my God, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
03:19Well, isn't the base supposed to stop it from going in?
03:21Well, you must have used too much lube.
03:23Oh, my God.
03:25I can't reach it.
03:27Hey, do you want me to Google something?
03:28Just go get it.
03:33Okay.
03:35Okay, yes, okay.
03:37I'm okay.
03:39Just relax.
03:41Oh, my God, this was such a dumb idea.
03:43Oh, my God.
03:46It's just...
03:51Sorry.
03:52Oh, my God, can you just get it?
03:53Please get it out.
03:54I'm trying.
03:55I'm trying.
03:56I can't get...
03:57You're not trying.
03:58You're just fiddling.
04:00Just get it so I can get the fuck out of here.
04:02I can feel it.
04:03I just, I can't get...
04:07I can't get it.
04:11So what does that mean?
04:14Dr. Forrest, dial 118, please.
04:19Dr. Forrest, please dial 118.
04:25I don't think the Uber driver sensed anything.
04:31This is the most humiliating night of my life.
04:42Well, I'm sure they see this kind of thing all the time.
04:45Really?
04:46All the time?
04:47Oh, yeah.
04:48People are always sticking stuff up there.
04:51You know, you can go.
04:53You don't have to stay.
04:55I want to.
04:59You feel obligated to.
05:08When's the last time you were in a hospital?
05:12Guess it must have been when I was eight years old.
05:15My sister pushed me into the front door of our house, busted my lip wide open.
05:18You probably deserved it.
05:20Probably, yeah.
05:23Got a bunch of stitches.
05:25Even have a scar, too.
05:27Can't see it, but it's under the beard.
05:29Oh, yeah. I never would have said.
05:37How about you?
05:39Six months ago to say goodbye to my grandma.
05:43Oh, I'm sorry. That sucks.
05:46Yeah, thanks.
05:50Do you think your dead relatives can just spy on you from beyond the grave and see all the gross shit you do when you're by yourself or with a partner or something?
05:58No, I just think they probably have better things to do.
06:01Okay, well, not all the time, then.
06:04Okay, but tonight, let's say, for example, my grandma is up there floating around in heaven, presumably.
06:11And she's like, oh, I think I'll check in on my beautiful Natalie tonight.
06:17What could she possibly be?
06:20Oh, my goodness, my baby.
06:27She used to warn me about guys like you.
06:30Really? Who were guys like me?
06:33You know, fuckboys.
06:36Granny?
06:38She didn't actually say fuckboy, did she?
06:40I'm surprised.
06:41Well, I do not care for that designation.
06:45How about emotionally unavailable men?
06:49Oh, it's probably closer.
06:51Hmm.
06:56That's kind of my thing. Dating emotionally unavailable guys.
07:04My therapist thinks it's because, deep down, I think that I don't deserve happiness.
07:11And I always just laugh her off, but maybe she's right, you know?
07:23Are your parents happy?
07:25Are you my shrink now?
07:28No, I just, um...
07:31I read this thing once where we don't want to have more than our parents did.
07:36Even if we say otherwise.
07:39Well, my dad died when I was really young.
07:43My mom never remarried. She never really dated.
07:46So, yeah, maybe that's part of it.
07:54It's fucked as I just keep throwing myself into these things, just so trusting.
08:04It's like I wish all of the heartbreak would make me more guarded or more cynical or just more protected, but...
08:13Mmm, that's not me.
08:17It's not me to not be hopeful or trusting or not to love.
08:23I guess it's just my programming.
08:40So what do we think? Is it a boy or a girl? Why do we not want to know?
08:44Will you put that back? Put that back!
08:46That's right.
08:47Put that back!
08:50You really don't have to stay. I'll be fine.
08:53I'm staying. Get over it.
08:56You know, I can't tell. Are you a nice guy? Are you an asshole?
09:01I'm both. I'm a hybrid.
09:03I guess that explains it then.
09:11You know, you really led me on there.
09:15Well, I thought I was being upfront with you.
09:18I did say right from the beginning that I'm not looking for anything serious.
09:22Oh, yeah, you're not looking for anything serious.
09:24We all say that and we all secretly hope that someone will come along and change our minds.
09:30Yeah, I suppose that's true.
09:35So it's just me then?
09:37No, it isn't. Natalie, you're amazing.
09:42You're kind, you're brilliant, total freak in bed.
09:49But?
09:52But, I don't know. I guess we're just not the right fit.
09:59Okay, say more about that.
10:03Okay.
10:06Well, I don't know.
10:08Well, I mean, for one, our diets are completely different.
10:12I mean, you're a vegan. What would we even eat?
10:15We've managed so far.
10:17Yeah, so far, but that's the kind of thing that becomes a problem down the road.
10:21I mean, I love cheese. Real cheese. I can't do any more of this cashew cheese of yours.
10:26Oh, yeah, tell me. Tell me this is about cashew cheese.
10:29I'm not explaining this right.
10:31You think?
10:32I don't know. I guess I just don't feel that thing.
10:36What thing?
10:39That thing, that rush, that intensity.
10:46Oh. Well, if you felt like this, why didn't you say something earlier?
10:53I guess I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
10:55Great job.
10:56You aced that.
11:01You know, that feeling you're talking about, that rush, that can't be the foundation for a relationship because that shit fades.
11:09That's not what love is.
11:10Yes, I know that.
11:11Really? Because it sounds like to me, you think that love is supposed to be some sort of laser show all the time.
11:17No, that's not at all what I believe.
11:19No, it's not.
11:20You think that love is supposed to be some sort of laser show all the time.
11:24No, that's not at all what I believe.
11:26Well, what do you believe then?
11:31I believe that love is something that's made in the trenches.
11:34It's two people fighting for it even when it's hard.
11:39Right.
11:43Right.
11:44Right.
11:47Right, but that's why that initial rush is important because it propels the whole thing forward. It's like relationship jet fuel.
11:52No, I think you're just chasing some idealistic idea of connection that doesn't exist.
11:57Well, I do know that it exists because I've had it before.
12:02Well, why don't you go call her then?
12:05Jesus.
12:07Well, you may have noticed that she is not around.
12:12And you know why?
12:15Because things end.
12:17They always do.
12:19So what's the point in getting invested in something that's just transitory?
12:30Let me ask you this.
12:31Would you give up all the good times you had with this person to never feel the pain of losing them?
12:42No, I guess not.
12:44The pain of losing someone is the price of having them.
12:48If you're going to avoid the bad, you're going to keep out all the good too.
13:02So how are you feeling?
13:04Okay.
13:05Yeah?
13:07Lighter.
13:10You going to keep it?
13:12Do what with it? Put it on my mantle?
13:15I just mean, if at first you don't succeed.
13:18No.
13:20I hope this experience hasn't soured you on butt play.
13:22Oh my god, okay. You know what? The butt plug was not the biggest pain in my ass tonight.
13:26Oh, John!
13:28Not the biggest pain in my ass tonight.
13:30Oh, jokes! Love jokes!
13:33So funny!
13:43Alright, Mr. Hybrid. This is me.
13:47Want to keep walking for a bit?
13:50It's cold.
13:52We could go get something for breakfast. Know anything that's open around here?
13:59There's a really good vegan place around the corner.
14:01Perfect!
14:03We have cashew cheese.
14:04I love cashew cheese.
14:05You love cashew cheese!
14:06It's so good for you.
14:08It's so good for the environment.
14:09Yep.
14:28It's so good.