My Big Fat Fabulous Lifes Whitney Reveals Near Suicide Attempt -Exclusive-
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00:00After season 11 premiered, the amount of hate
00:04that I was getting surpassed anything
00:06that I've experienced in my entire career,
00:08and I was almost suicidal over it.
00:11When my mom died and people started saying,
00:13your mother hated you,
00:14your mother would be disappointed in you.
00:17Whitney, I don't like that you're doing this.
00:19What would your mother think?
00:20I mean, it's insane.
00:22I'm a childless woman in the midst of a midlife crisis,
00:24and I'm determined to find joy in my fourth decade.
00:28I have seen the season 12 premiere.
00:30You really don't hold back.
00:32I mean, in one single premiere,
00:34I put together this little list.
00:35You're still failing from your mom's death.
00:38Home gets vandalized as a result
00:40of some horrible hate mail being dropped off.
00:43Your ex reveals he had a baby,
00:46and you're kind enough to throw them a party.
00:50You reveal that you and the Frenchman broke up,
00:52but you still love him.
00:54Yeah, that's a lot, Whitney.
00:55That's a lot for one episode.
00:57Yeah.
00:58How do you think that you are ready to move on
01:01from the Frenchman?
01:02I still talk to the Frenchman very regularly.
01:05Am I pathetic?
01:06Probably.
01:07I want to dive right into all things Whitney love life.
01:10You talk about how difficult it is
01:14not being with the Frenchman.
01:15You were madly in love with this person.
01:17You really did your darndest to try to make things work.
01:20Yeah, I think we've tried everything.
01:23And so, yeah, I think the definitive thing
01:26is that I can't come.
01:28How much of that split are we gonna see play out on camera?
01:31Well, I don't want you to make me cry.
01:33So, spoiler, I'm still in love with him.
01:37No, we actually broke up in real time in April a year ago.
01:43And I know that there was talk of that in the season,
01:46but we still were very much in contact.
01:48I had still seen him.
01:50And yeah, I still love him.
01:52I mean, I don't know.
01:54He's gonna get pissed if he reads this article
01:57because he doesn't like me to talk about him.
01:58But-
01:59Talk about him without getting emotional.
02:00That's real.
02:01He's the best man I've ever known.
02:03And unfortunately, you know,
02:06this is one of these things that comes with reality TV,
02:09which is, I'd say, one of the negatives,
02:12is he, you know, he does not want a public life at all.
02:15You asked him, would you want to be a part of my show?
02:18Would you be down to film?
02:19And he has said no.
02:20Well, he was on seasons ago, but he had his face blurred.
02:23He saw how crazy people on the internet were.
02:25Nope, that was it.
02:26He was done.
02:27Okay, so that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
02:29Mm-hmm.
02:30Do you still keep in touch,
02:31or have you, like, ripped the Band-Aid off
02:33for a clean break?
02:34I'm trying to move on.
02:35I'll just say that.
02:36I'm trying, yeah.
02:37But still-
02:38Look, if somebody amazing showed up on my doorstep,
02:41I would be all for it.
02:42I joke about being desperate, but the truth is,
02:45if I were truly desperate, you know, I could have somebody.
02:47But I'm not-
02:49We don't want you to settle.
02:50Someone-
02:51Yeah.
02:52I know what I want.
02:53I know what I deserve.
02:54Yes.
02:55And I don't even think that my standards
02:56are too high or anything.
02:58I think they're just kind of like the bare minimum.
03:00I'm still dealing with that.
03:02But I'm also certainly open to dating.
03:06Are you still single as of today?
03:08Yes, mm-hmm.
03:09We're so interested in your love life.
03:11How is dating going?
03:13I haven't, you know, been approached
03:14by a single man in any way.
03:18And the dating sites are pretty abysmal.
03:20There's just not a lot to pick through.
03:23It's really hard to get excited about dating,
03:25but I do not want to be alone forever.
03:29So, I mean, anybody sort of strike your fancy?
03:33Or has the Frenchman set the bar
03:35and no one's even come close?
03:37Oh, no.
03:37I mean, no one's come close.
03:38There was a very small thing with a man
03:41who is associated with my family in Alabama.
03:46And God bless them.
03:48But, you know, I had to try really hard
03:51to convince myself to go with that.
03:53And then that ended up incredibly poorly.
03:56So that's my moment, actually, when my mom was alive.
03:59We used to joke and she would say,
04:02I would tell her all these stories
04:03and she would say, girl, I don't know how you do it,
04:05but you can't even get a man that you don't want.
04:07Listen, I know it sounds so annoying and cliche,
04:09but I truly believe the stars will be in alignment.
04:12You will finally find the right person.
04:13You won't be too much or too little.
04:15You'll be just right.
04:16And I know you said on the episode,
04:19you have frozen your eggs.
04:19And there are so many women
04:21who have done that on their own,
04:22whether it's Sandra Bullock or Charlize Theron
04:24or Janet Jackson.
04:25Is that something you've ever considered?
04:28No.
04:29Nope.
04:30Completely off the table for you?
04:31You want to do it with a partner?
04:33Yep.
04:34Unfortunately, you know, I mean,
04:35I've thought a lot about it
04:37and I could imagine my life without children
04:39if I had a partner,
04:40but I cannot imagine the rest of my life without a partner.
04:43Okay, so have you come to peace,
04:46personal peace with maybe not becoming a mom someday?
04:49No.
04:49I mean, I'm still dealing with that.
04:50In fact, you know, the other day I was talking to somebody
04:52and I said, oh yeah, like when my grandchildren
04:54and then I had stopped myself and I was like,
04:56oh, like I'm not going to have any.
04:58I've even had people on the internet, you know,
04:59say, well, you're so selfish.
05:01Why haven't you had children?
05:02I'm going, it's not by choice.
05:04It's not for lack of trying, exactly.
05:07Yeah.
05:08I've been trying now.
05:09I know how to actually have them
05:10and I've done plenty of that in life
05:13and always wondered,
05:14like maybe I'll just have a happy accident,
05:15but you know, haven't yet, so.
05:18A disturbing moment in the
05:20My Big Fat Fabulous Life season 12 premiere
05:22that got your whole crew involved,
05:25you know, cameras down,
05:26everybody just wanted to make sure that you were safe.
05:28You know, you're peacefully having dinner
05:29and you hear this loud thud,
05:31eggs thrown at your home,
05:33a absolutely abominable letter lands on your doorstep.
05:38Did you contact the police?
05:39How are you doing in the wake of all of that?
05:41Well, actually haven't thought about it in months.
05:44It's the first time you've seen something
05:46that crazy on television.
05:47It's not the first time that
05:49these things have happened to me.
05:50So to have this actually happen with the cameras
05:54was even scarier because I was like
05:55the balls of somebody to do this while we were filming.
05:58I've had bricks through my car windows.
06:00People have broken into my parents' house,
06:02walked in the house,
06:04talked to them like they knew them.
06:05People come to my doorstep all the time.
06:08I've had legitimate stalkers.
06:09I've been on a hit list that was on the dark web.
06:12I had to get the FBI involved.
06:14It is absolutely insane.
06:17So when people kind of say,
06:19especially with stuff on the internet,
06:21like, oh, it's just haters, trolls, who cares?
06:24I care.
06:24It's terrifying.
06:25It's dangerous.
06:26And people will escalate to the point of doing stuff
06:29in your real life.
06:29And these are real people.
06:31So after season 11 premiered,
06:33the amount of hate that I was getting
06:37surpassed anything that I've experienced
06:39in my entire career.
06:40And I was almost suicidal over it.
06:43You can't prepare, you know, for,
06:46I don't think anyway, for someone dying,
06:48but obviously it hurts so much.
06:52And I love her so much.
06:54So much of it was about my mother.
06:57And I believe in that card
06:59that they left on the front step.
07:00I think it said something like,
07:03your mother is rolling over in her grave.
07:06And you wouldn't believe,
07:07nothing shocks me, right?
07:08I've read the most horrible things
07:10about myself on a daily basis.
07:11But when my mom died
07:12and people started saying stuff like that to me,
07:15your mother hated you.
07:16Your mother would be disappointed in you.
07:19Whitney, I don't like that you're doing this.
07:20What would your mother think?
07:23You know, that actually shocked me.
07:25I actually couldn't believe.
07:29And so that's been, it's been incredible.
07:31That's been a whole,
07:32you know, I didn't have a dead mother before.
07:34So now that I have that
07:35and people use that to make me feel bad about myself.
07:40I mean, it's insane.
07:41Now I have a really great support system
07:43and my dad has blessed him.
07:45He's always like,
07:46well, that's not true.
07:47I love you.
07:48And I'm like, no, I know daddy.
07:49I've never questioned whether these things are true
07:51but it makes me so disheartened
07:54that this is just like normal in the world
07:56for people to do this.
07:58Have you ever blamed the cameras
08:01for these unwanted targeted attacks against you?
08:04You're living a really public life.
08:06You've got this successful TV show.
08:09Another confirmation from the universe or something
08:11that I'm like, am I cursed?
08:13Have you ever thought about giving that up?
08:16I mean, every season I think about giving it up.
08:18But what I know is that, you know,
08:20the damage in that way is done.
08:21I'll be a public person forever.
08:23The internet lives forever.
08:24That stuff's not going away.
08:26I am in a position where I allow cameras into my life.
08:29I don't have control over how I'm edited
08:31or presented or anything like that.
08:33People always go, what do you do for work?
08:35I'm like, okay, I make TV for work.
08:37That's what I do for my job.
08:40And the crew that I've had, you know,
08:40some of them I've had for about 10 seasons.
08:43They literally are like family.
08:45I have the most fun filming this TV show and doing my job.
08:49You know, I won't say it's a small price to pay.
08:51It is a price to pay.
08:51I want to pay you a huge compliment.
08:53You look incredible.
08:55You joked when we spoke last year,
08:56you were like, my weight loss, thanks.
08:58It's because of grief.
08:59I have lost some weight and that's true.
09:02And people say like, is it surgery?
09:04And I'm like, no, it's grief, but thanks.
09:06Where are you at in your health journey right now?
09:09Thank you for the compliment.
09:10People say that constantly, like,
09:12oh, you've lost more weight.
09:13I actually haven't.
09:13I haven't lost weight in almost a year and a half.
09:16So I'm the same size.
09:18I had lost 50 pounds like in like 2018 or 19.
09:22And most people didn't really notice.
09:24And then I lost 50 after my mom died.
09:26So I've lost a hundred pounds since, you know,
09:28you would have seen me season one, two, three, four, five.
09:31But no, I haven't lost any weight
09:33in about a year and a half, but I feel great.
09:36I'm happy and, you know, we're going into the forties.
09:40It's not, it's not easy, but it's, I feel optimistic
09:44way more than I did a few months ago.
09:46So that's a plus.