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00:00:30Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:00:45oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:00:55oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:01:25No, no, no, don't get nervous.
00:01:27Even if the story begins here, it's
00:01:29basically an entertaining one.
00:01:33Allow me to introduce myself.
00:01:36I'm the old fool that left the windshield wipers running.
00:01:39The Honorable Leonida Potosin, well-known producer
00:01:43of fine wines, man of flawless virtue,
00:01:46age old enough to know better, widower.
00:01:50Got that?
00:01:51Widower.
00:01:53And it's thanks to that particular detail
00:01:55that our little tale begins in such a morbid setting.
00:01:59Because ever since the unhappy day my incomparable better half
00:02:03departed for the great beyond, I made it my habit
00:02:06to come here, disconsolate and inconsolable,
00:02:09every Wednesday and Saturday to leave flowers on her tomb.
00:02:13That's the reason why, on that particular Wednesday,
00:02:17my adoring nephews, advised by the gravekeeper's wife
00:02:20over the phone that I had taken ill,
00:02:23dropped their pressing obligations
00:02:25and hastened to the consecrated ground,
00:02:28frantic with worry and despair.
00:02:33One fine day we shall see the bars
00:02:38being filled with smoke at the end of the sea.
00:02:44Helmet for leather, perfect submarine weather.
00:02:46If you see the enemy shout, that's all over and out.
00:02:50I love the party.
00:03:11Sorry, Benito. Forgive me.
00:03:13Wait a minute. I'll clean you off.
00:03:15Stop it, Gustavo. You're making it worse.
00:03:17Look at this, the old fool.
00:03:19Doesn't he know any better? He'll run down the batters.
00:03:27It's very well for him to bring flowers to poor Auntie,
00:03:29but not in a pouring rain.
00:03:31God rest her soul.
00:03:33Serves him right. Dirty old man.
00:03:35And just when he was taking it slower,
00:03:36remember when she first died?
00:03:38He brought her flowers every day, every single day.
00:03:40Lilies, no less. Daisies were good enough for him.
00:03:42Oh, no. Five years of lilies.
00:03:44A few hundred lire a piece, a small fortune.
00:03:46And at home he's so cheap,
00:03:47he won't even let us eat the swimming pool.
00:03:49Holy mother of Jesus, please hurry. He's up here.
00:03:54He's in here. Please hurry.
00:04:05Uncle Leonardo.
00:04:07Oh, take him away.
00:04:09There's no time to lose. Hurry.
00:04:14What's happened? Where does it hurt you?
00:04:16Who got him up here?
00:04:17He came up by himself. He knows the way.
00:04:20Oh, I see. He felt sick at Auntie's tomb
00:04:23and came up here looking for help.
00:04:25Actually, when he came up, he felt fine like he always does.
00:04:30It doesn't matter. Just get him out of this house quickly.
00:04:34Good Lord, woman. Can't you see the condition he's in?
00:04:37This could be a heart attack. He has to stay quiet.
00:04:41But my husband's coming any second.
00:04:43Ah, your husband will understand.
00:04:45If he understands what I understand, we're in trouble.
00:04:52The poor old darling, he loved it so much.
00:04:55He loved it so much.
00:05:12Apparently, it was thought best not to wait for the ambulance.
00:05:15I was rushed into the car and driven home,
00:05:18where the real reason I had taken ill was not revealed.
00:05:22Here, while Dr. Pavan concerned himself with my heart,
00:05:26the local priest, Reverend Attilio, gave me the last rites
00:05:30and then desperately set about trying to save my soul with the rosary.
00:05:36They were all there.
00:05:38The entire household staff, Nanne and Tosca,
00:05:42my poor departed Ramona's nephew, Gustav,
00:05:45retired colonial military officer,
00:05:48and two nieces, that flighty little baggage, Iole,
00:05:52and her dimwit sister, Italia,
00:05:54who made the mistake of marrying an out-of-work wine taster, Benito Verotto,
00:05:59and unfortunately brought him into the house too.
00:06:02And this one here, crying, is Adonis, Iole's son.
00:06:07And the less said about that, the better.
00:06:18...and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
00:06:21which is now in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
00:06:25Like this. Like this. Like this.
00:06:35What's he doing, speaking?
00:06:37I can't imagine.
00:06:39Might have got a swan.
00:06:45Like this.
00:06:49Pussy.
00:06:50Pussy. He's saying pussy. It was his nickname.
00:06:54He's right. Yes, he's right.
00:06:56He always was fond of pussy.
00:06:58Yes.
00:06:59Pussy. Pussy.
00:07:02Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
00:07:05that we may not die. Amen.
00:07:07Holy Mary, pray for us sinners,
00:07:10that we may not die. Amen.
00:07:13Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
00:07:18that we may not die.
00:07:32Doctor, for God's sake, tell us something.
00:07:35I'm sorry, unfortunately, there's not much to say.
00:07:38It will be a miracle if he lasts through the night.
00:07:40Isn't there anything we can do?
00:07:43Pray.
00:07:44That's what I was doing.
00:07:48Benito Varotto, Bottasini and Company, Incorporated here.
00:07:52I want to speak with Mr. Kitsch.
00:07:54That's right. Thank you.
00:07:56They're putting him on the line now.
00:07:58Hello. Hello, Mr. Kitsch.
00:08:01Good night.
00:08:02Good morning. I mean, good afternoon.
00:08:04You remember me, don't you? Benito Varotto.
00:08:07Yes. No, not Varotto.
00:08:09Varotto. Yes, that's the one.
00:08:12Listen, remember that thing we were talking about?
00:08:14Can you talk about it now?
00:08:16Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
00:08:19No, actually, the old man hasn't actually changed his mind.
00:08:22He's changed his life.
00:08:23He's changed his life.
00:08:24His life is in danger.
00:08:26Well, what can you do? Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
00:08:30Tomorrow morning.
00:08:30Oh, perfect. Yeah, yeah. We'll expect.
00:08:36Nani?
00:08:37Yeah.
00:08:37I'm scared.
00:08:39Oh, I know you're going to come down here at this hour.
00:08:41I know, that's why. You could be Jack the Raper.
00:08:43Or you could be Joan of Arc.
00:08:47We're going to drink to the health of the old man.
00:08:49And the health of the rest of the Stingy family.
00:09:17How about me?
00:09:19If you want to drink, you know the price.
00:09:21No, it's too cold down here.
00:09:23The wine will warm you up.
00:09:32Then give me a drink.
00:09:34First things first, you can't fool me.
00:09:39Item number one.
00:09:40Item number two.
00:09:41Item number three.
00:09:42Item number four.
00:09:43Item number five.
00:09:44Item number six.
00:09:45Item number one.
00:09:46Take off your sweater.
00:09:47No.
00:09:58Give it here.
00:10:04It's like velvet.
00:10:06If you think that's good, try some of this.
00:10:08It tastes like fire.
00:10:10Tosca.
00:10:12Give me some.
00:10:17Your blouse.
00:10:18No.
00:10:41Thank you, Mr. Kitch.
00:11:04As I was saying, we the Counts heirs.
00:11:12And very kind of you.
00:11:18We, the only heirs, have always been in agreement with your ideas, Mr. Kitch.
00:11:26That our participation in your company, at the capital investment level,
00:11:31opens chances of merchandising expansion.
00:11:35A modest company has the opportunity to become a kind of pilot project in this region, right?
00:11:40It's something the old man simply doesn't comprehend with all due respect, of course.
00:11:45But his business notions are old fashioned and he refuses to change.
00:11:49In the meantime, the conglomerates, like you were teaching us,
00:11:51you can't function any longer as a one horse outfit, no?
00:11:54Because drinkers want to drink.
00:11:56The consumer of great wine is a thing of the past.
00:12:01The age of the blend is at hand.
00:12:04A drop of Bottasine is a drop in a bucket.
00:12:08But it's our wine that can make your vermouth worth drinking.
00:12:14Okay, Mr. Fragoto.
00:12:17Since we're all in agreement.
00:12:20You Americans, you're marvelous.
00:12:24Always right to the point.
00:12:27We have a saying.
00:12:29Time is money.
00:12:32Time is money. Oh, that's good.
00:12:35One small point.
00:12:36We're all in agreement, except the deceased.
00:12:40Oh, his demise is expected any minute now.
00:12:49You're saying.
00:12:52He isn't dead.
00:12:53Oh, yes. For all intents and purposes.
00:12:56I mean, it's only a matter of an hour at most.
00:13:00For all I know, maybe it's already happened.
00:13:05If you'll allow me, I'll just check.
00:13:13Hello, Tosca, I'd like to speak to Madame.
00:13:17Did you send the flowers?
00:13:22To my wife?
00:13:23No, sir. Not yet.
00:13:24I'll do it this afternoon.
00:13:25Good.
00:13:26Lilies, remember?
00:13:28White lilies.
00:13:30White lilies.
00:13:44What does the doctor say?
00:13:4636 hours.
00:13:49Can he guarantee that?
00:13:51It's really the end.
00:13:54That's swell.
00:13:5736 hours.
00:14:00So now with each hour his death gets closer.
00:14:24Optimistic, yes.
00:14:26But with reservation.
00:14:28He's outlived the 36 hour prognosis.
00:14:30And this gives us reason for hope.
00:14:32There's no question.
00:14:34But that doesn't mean the battle's over.
00:14:36A second attack would be fatal.
00:14:39Fatal?
00:14:40Fatal, yes. Fatal.
00:14:41It's a Damocles sword over our heads.
00:14:43I would hazard to say a great deal depends on you.
00:14:46On us?
00:14:47Yes, indeed. And nobody else.
00:14:50Imagine that your uncle was already dead and born all over again.
00:14:54He needs to be treated like a newborn child.
00:14:57It's like you're keeping him in a nursery.
00:15:00He mustn't be left alone even for an instant.
00:15:03I personally recommend that you take on specialized assistance.
00:15:08Such as?
00:15:09I'm speaking about a registered nurse who would be on duty 24 hours a day
00:15:13and who'd know what to do in case of emergency.
00:15:17A registered nurse. Oh, that's a good idea.
00:15:20Then it's agreed.
00:15:25How's Uncle Leonida?
00:15:27Ask me, he'll outlive all of us, you included.
00:15:30Is it true, Mama?
00:15:31He's better.
00:15:37Well, what's with all the long faces?
00:15:40He's over the hump.
00:15:44I'll be back this evening.
00:15:45Thank you.
00:15:47I'll be back this evening.
00:15:48Thank you, Doctor.
00:15:49Bye-bye, Doctor.
00:15:50Thank you.
00:15:51Bye-bye.
00:15:53Bye-bye.
00:16:05Why am I going to tell the American?
00:16:19What the hell story am I going to tell the American?
00:16:23Oh, fraud and fraud!
00:16:2536 hours he gives him, not 35 or 37.
00:16:29Fraud!
00:16:32Pill pusher!
00:16:33Charlatan!
00:16:35He doesn't know a hagnail from a hernia.
00:16:37Please, Benito, don't be vulgar.
00:16:39Don't break my balls, Gustav.
00:16:41But Benito, it's not the doctor's fault if he's not dead yet.
00:16:44Benito, it's not the doctor's fault if he's not dead yet.
00:16:47He'll outlive every one of us.
00:16:49The American will have to learn patience like everyone else.
00:16:51Are you crazy? You can't insist on patience
00:16:53when we're the ones who want to unload the company.
00:16:56What am I going to say to Mr. Kitsch?
00:16:58What do you want to do, kill Uncle?
00:17:07There's nothing to do but wait and hope.
00:17:14A watched pot never boils.
00:17:19Well, I'll say one thing now that he's out of danger.
00:17:24Uncle Leonida is a sneak.
00:17:25At home it's all prayers and rosaries, but outside...
00:17:28The dirty old man was in nothing but his socks and shirt
00:17:32with the gravekeeper's wife.
00:17:35And in the same cemetery as poor Aunt Ramona.
00:17:38The old bastard's got no morals at all.
00:17:44Dinner's getting cold.
00:17:45Dinner can wait.
00:17:48Tosca!
00:17:50Yes, sir?
00:17:52Has the Count ever tried to?
00:17:55You know what I mean.
00:17:57He must know.
00:17:59Don't be embarrassed, girl. Out with it.
00:18:01Well, only once, just after the Countess passed away.
00:18:04But Aunt's is still warm in her grave.
00:18:07But I couldn't resist. He was so funny.
00:18:13Real funny.
00:18:15Even laughing from one bed to another.
00:18:17I'm scandalized by all this.
00:18:19The old man is perverted.
00:18:21The old bastard's almost a necrophile.
00:18:25Why don't we employ the gravekeeper's wife as a nurse?
00:18:29Why do you always have to say such ridiculous things?
00:18:37It's not as ridiculous as you think.
00:18:43At this point in the story, it's only fair
00:18:45I fill you in on the background.
00:18:47It's important for you to know that two years before I got sick,
00:18:50that imbecile Benito slipped and fell in the bathtub,
00:18:54practically setting the world's record for broken bones.
00:18:57Fibias, tibias, clavicles, calicles,
00:19:00and anything else I could name, including his brain,
00:19:03which wasn't anything to write home about even before the accident.
00:19:06Anyway, to patch him together,
00:19:08we had to ship him off to this special clinic in Switzerland,
00:19:11where, unfortunately, they were unable to keep him longer than eight months.
00:19:14But he did have time to make several new friends.
00:19:18Car?
00:19:19Yeah.
00:19:21In a crash?
00:19:22Yeah.
00:19:23Turned you into a verstor?
00:19:25Yeah.
00:19:30You're a sickie.
00:19:42Are you kanker, Nardo?
00:19:44Ah, pures, mal.
00:19:54Benito!
00:19:55Anna!
00:19:57Yes, Celine!
00:19:58My little sweet child.
00:20:04I...
00:20:06Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry.
00:20:11I'm sorry, Benito.
00:20:14Ah, yes, my little cuckoo.
00:20:16I came here quite convinced I wouldn't find you.
00:20:20Why?
00:20:21Were you afraid Egonovan got married?
00:20:23Why not?
00:20:25I mean, look at you.
00:20:27Are the doctors here so jaded they can't get it up?
00:20:30Oh, they manage.
00:20:33From the chief surgeon on down.
00:20:35The trouble with me is, I always seem to go for the wrong ones.
00:20:39The interns who don't make any money.
00:20:41Whatever happened to that?
00:20:42What was he, a gynecologist?
00:20:44You know, the one who wanted to leave his wife to run away with you.
00:20:49The last time I saw him, he was bringing his wife here to deliver her fourth kid.
00:20:55You wanted to leave your wife for me, too.
00:20:59Well, I meant it.
00:21:03And you made a big mistake not to take me seriously.
00:21:07The doctor is one thing, but the wrong patient is worse.
00:21:13Oh, we had our moments together, Benito.
00:21:15But we never tried to fool each other.
00:21:19You don't have to believe me, my little Swiss chocolate.
00:21:24But I have a confession to make.
00:21:27I was deadly serious about you.
00:21:31I suppose I should be flattered, Benito.
00:21:34But I don't believe you.
00:21:38Oh, come on, darling.
00:21:40At least I learned something from my experiences.
00:21:44Now I don't play hit the sack with every two-bit charmer who comes in with a fracture.
00:21:53Oh, my little Swiss bank.
00:21:56No, no, no, Benito. It's unnecessary.
00:21:59Please, I really enjoyed myself.
00:22:01Benito, all that, why?
00:22:04Just say it's a down payment on the villa.
00:22:08What villa?
00:22:09Make it a Swiss chalet if you like.
00:22:12View of the Alps, ski run, swimming pool, sauna.
00:22:16All this for me?
00:22:19For Uncle Leonida.
00:22:22Uncle Leonida, Uncle Leonida.
00:22:25Look what I've brought you.
00:22:28Look what I've brought you.
00:22:30Look what I've brought you.
00:22:31Look what I've brought you.
00:22:56Uncle.
00:22:58She's all yours.
00:23:00Your own private nurse.
00:23:03Look, look at her, Uncle.
00:23:05Yes, yes, pussy.
00:23:08Well, let's leave him alone now.
00:23:11He needs peace and quiet.
00:23:19He's in your hands.
00:23:28You filthy pig. Do you think I'm blind?
00:23:31You disgust me.
00:23:32What did I do wrong?
00:23:33You sex maniac.
00:23:35What did I do wrong?
00:23:38Do you think you can bring your trash into this house?
00:23:41Your so-called nurse.
00:23:43What's it to you?
00:23:44I'm not your wife, you know.
00:23:46You're a slut.
00:23:47You're a slut.
00:23:48You're a slut.
00:23:49You're a slut.
00:23:50You're a slut.
00:23:51You're a slut.
00:23:52You're a slut.
00:23:53You're a slut.
00:23:54You're a slut.
00:23:55You're a slut.
00:23:56I'm not your wife, you know.
00:23:57I know, I know.
00:23:58You can't trifle with me.
00:23:59Yes, I know.
00:24:00I'll cut it off.
00:24:01I'll castrate you.
00:24:02I'll try to castrate you.
00:24:03I will.
00:24:04Listen to me.
00:24:05I will.
00:24:11This is how you treat me.
00:24:12Me, who gave you everything.
00:24:14My life, my love, my body, my all.
00:24:18I gave you my mother's heart and all the best years of my life.
00:24:23I even gave you a son.
00:24:25I know.
00:24:26You already had a son.
00:24:27What does that mean?
00:24:29Are you calling me a whore?
00:24:31Are you calling me a whore?
00:24:34No.
00:24:35All right.
00:24:36If it's a whore you want, it's a whore you'll get.
00:24:39I didn't say that.
00:24:41You should be happy.
00:24:42No, no, no.
00:24:43This is what you always wanted.
00:24:46Help.
00:24:48Help.
00:24:51Help.
00:24:55Help.
00:25:00Benito, pass the salt, please.
00:25:04Thank you.
00:25:05Thank you very much.
00:25:06Good evening, everybody.
00:25:11Hi there.
00:25:12This is the lady who's going to take care of Uncle Leonid.
00:25:16Why are you so late to dinner?
00:25:18He had work to make up at school and took a later trolley.
00:25:21Don't just stand there gawking, boy.
00:25:23Sit down.
00:25:25On the double.
00:25:27Sorry, Uncle Gustavo.
00:25:28You can always wear your hat at the table.
00:25:32Sorry.
00:25:33I'll be right back.
00:25:34Your book.
00:25:35You always have to leave a pile of books everywhere you go.
00:25:38Tell Tosca to serve your soup.
00:25:39Yes, Mother.
00:25:43How old is he?
00:25:45Sixteen.
00:25:48I had him when I was only eighteen.
00:25:52Are you a widow?
00:25:53No.
00:25:55I'm a widow.
00:26:13Tosca, Adalos doesn't have any soup.
00:26:16How was I supposed to know he was here?
00:26:18Nobody ever tells me anything.
00:26:25Where's your head tonight?
00:26:27I don't want any soup, Mother.
00:26:29Well, have some meat at least.
00:26:31You can't go to bed on an empty stomach at your age.
00:26:35Adalos, did you wash your hands?
00:26:39Benito, don't you think that was unkind?
00:26:42It's impossible to say anything to him these days.
00:26:53Good morning.
00:26:55Good morning.
00:26:59Did you sleep well?
00:27:00Fine, thanks.
00:27:01How's Uncle Leonido?
00:27:04He's sleeping.
00:27:05I'm sorry.
00:27:06Last night.
00:27:07Don't be.
00:27:10I see you have a swimming pool.
00:27:12May I use it?
00:27:14Oh, yes, of course.
00:27:15But the water will be cold.
00:27:17Oh, good.
00:27:18It will wake me up.
00:27:20Is there anybody out there?
00:27:22Just Uncle Gustav.
00:27:23He's doing his exercises.
00:27:25Up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
00:27:49Up, two, three, four.
00:27:50Up, two, three, four.
00:27:55Up, two, three, four.
00:28:26Always help my God.
00:28:33Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
00:28:35I'm beginning to see things.
00:28:37I've got to give up drinking.
00:28:39Even if it isn't a pink elephant.
00:28:42No, no.
00:28:44I've got you in my sight.
00:28:46You won't get away this time.
00:28:48Give me my walkie-talkie back.
00:28:50Now.
00:28:51You're in a lot of hot water.
00:28:53You know that.
00:28:56Morning.
00:29:06Hello?
00:29:08Hello?
00:29:09Come in, ship to shore.
00:29:17All my scientific research has gone down the drain.
00:29:19This is vinegar.
00:29:22Need any help, Mr. Benito, sir?
00:29:25No.
00:29:47I haven't gone anywhere, Mr. Benito.
00:29:53Taste this.
00:29:56Thank you.
00:30:02Well?
00:30:03Well?
00:30:07Give me another one.
00:30:18Drink slowly, taste it, don't gulp.
00:30:26It's quite good.
00:30:28The color is reddish, on the light side.
00:30:31But it'll do.
00:30:33Very smooth.
00:30:34Harmonious.
00:30:36Full body.
00:30:37Ripe fruit flavor.
00:30:38Swedish, but pleasantly sour.
00:30:41I can figure all that out by myself.
00:30:43Get to the point.
00:30:45Will it stand up against a wine made with grapes?
00:30:50Well, it stands up in alcohol content.
00:30:52Percentage, I'd say, is 14-2.
00:30:55Somewhat sulfurous.
00:31:02Tannic acid?
00:31:04Zero-two or zero-four percent.
00:31:06Is it two or four?
00:31:09Zero-four.
00:31:13Regarding your sulfides,
00:31:18380 or 340.
00:31:20380 or 395.
00:31:23A bit much.
00:31:25But this wine couldn't be one of yours, could it, Mr. Benito?
00:31:30Why do you ask?
00:31:32Because it seems much too good for one of yours.
00:31:35Get out of here before I break your head open, you damn bastard!
00:31:41May I offer my condolences, Mr. Fagotto?
00:31:45It's been a while since the 36th final hours were up.
00:31:50I'm still waiting for your phone call.
00:31:57You see, I'm a patient man, but not forever.
00:32:02I quite understand, but you have my personal insurance.
00:32:05It's only a question of hours or days at the most.
00:32:16Tosca?
00:32:18The senora is calling. Go and see what she wants.
00:32:21Which senora?
00:32:22Who cares? Just go.
00:32:25Yes, sir.
00:32:27I'm going. I'm going.
00:32:33Can he see?
00:32:34Yes.
00:32:36Then he saw.
00:32:37Yes.
00:32:40Oh, mother of God!
00:32:43He's lost interest.
00:32:45He's lost interest in a hanky-panky.
00:32:48We're ruined. Ruined.
00:32:53Uncle Leonardo!
00:32:55Uncle Leonardo, think of your family!
00:32:59Come back to your senses.
00:33:01Where's your old soul?
00:33:05Ah, you see, he hasn't lost interest.
00:33:07Oh, that's better. I almost had a heart attack.
00:33:10What were you expecting? Rape at first sight?
00:33:13Come with me a minute.
00:33:15Wait for the patient.
00:33:16Ah, screw the patient.
00:33:20Now see here, Anna.
00:33:21I don't think you understand the urgency of all this.
00:33:25All I can say is, do it, baby.
00:33:28And the world is yours.
00:33:30Once more into the mage.
00:33:32Tell it to Mother Nature.
00:33:33She has more to do with it than I do.
00:33:35After she recuperates a bit, perhaps...
00:33:38Recuperate? How long will that take?
00:33:45Ask Mother Nature.
00:33:50Your idea is just insane.
00:33:51It's just pouring money down the drain.
00:33:53I don't see what we're really paying for.
00:33:55Or why we really need a whole...
00:33:56Worse yet.
00:33:57Would you prefer a limerick?
00:33:58There once was a nurse called Anna.
00:34:00A little patience and maybe our plan will work.
00:34:05The military mind has spoken.
00:34:07Don't you see?
00:34:08Uncle has to get better so he can get worse.
00:34:10Oh, yes? Who said that?
00:34:12Benito.
00:34:13And you expect sense from a moron?
00:34:15Is this something we don't know about?
00:34:21It's part of the scheme.
00:34:24It's Mother Nature's way.
00:34:26To make him worse, we have to get him better.
00:34:31How much better?
00:34:33Better enough to...
00:34:35Get worse.
00:34:37Much worse?
00:34:38Much, much worse.
00:34:41Much, much worse?
00:34:42Much, much worse.
00:34:44Ah.
00:34:52I've chosen to include this little scene...
00:34:55as another example of my charming heir's tasteful delicacy.
00:35:00One week passed in vain.
00:35:03The presence of a trained and, I might add, highly remunerated nurse...
00:35:07still had not produced the desired effect.
00:35:10Or at least, no effect that had anything to do with me.
00:35:20So gracious and so sweet...
00:35:22that even strangers, when they meet my woman...
00:35:25find their tongues grow still.
00:35:41Huh?
00:35:50Until she, with sweet humility and grace...
00:35:53acknowledges the warm and bounteous praise...
00:35:56with a smile as from heaven sent to earth.
00:36:11Her eyes so bright, so pure her heart.
00:36:17Then from her lips, a rose on high...
00:36:20as from her soul, love's soft, sad cry.
00:36:26My love is nigh.
00:36:28Oh, sigh.
00:36:29Ah!
00:36:31My love is nigh.
00:36:33Oh, sigh.
00:36:34Ah!
00:36:41Well, sir.
00:36:44We are feeling better, aren't we?
00:36:47My, my.
00:36:56Yes.
00:36:57I finally began to feel better.
00:37:11At this point, I'm tempted to say he's out of danger.
00:37:14But no, now is the real danger.
00:37:16As I said before, a second attack could be fatal.
00:37:19If you want your uncle to survive...
00:37:21you must realize he's living on a razor's edge.
00:37:24Did you hear that, Pauline?
00:37:26Yes, doctor.
00:37:32The patient is in your hands.
00:37:49Reaction negative.
00:37:50No, you're totally impervious to females.
00:37:52I'm playing hard to get on purpose.
00:37:54Otherwise, what is the point of the experiment?
00:37:56He's a guinea pig.
00:37:57He's got a point.
00:37:58If it works on him, it'll work on anyone.
00:38:02The Count doesn't need much encouragement...
00:38:04to put his hands all over him.
00:38:06Do me a favor, will you, and think positive.
00:38:14According to Masterson Johnson...
00:38:17the orgasm is an anti-climax.
00:38:22It's the build-up, the foreplay, the anticipation...
00:38:27that reverently brings one's blood to a boil...
00:38:31and makes you work up an esteem.
00:38:34A little of the old kamikaze spirit.
00:38:36Right, right.
00:38:37Remember Pearl Harbor.
00:38:39Pearl Harbor.
00:38:40Remember the main.
00:38:41Sneak attack.
00:38:42That's the ticket.
00:38:44What have you got on your head?
00:38:46My cap.
00:38:47It's standard uniform.
00:38:49I know, I know.
00:38:50But it's not a uniform.
00:38:51It's a hat.
00:38:52It's a hat.
00:38:53It's a hat.
00:38:54It's a hat.
00:38:55It's a hat.
00:38:56It's a hat.
00:38:57It's a hat.
00:38:58It's a hat.
00:38:59It's a hat.
00:39:00It's a hat.
00:39:01It's a hat.
00:39:02I know, I know.
00:39:03But not a nurse of your kind.
00:39:04And why are you all dressed up like this?
00:39:06Open your buttons and see your abundance.
00:39:09Like this.
00:39:11A vast improvement.
00:39:14You see.
00:39:18Take his temperature.
00:39:27No, no, no, no.
00:39:30On the other side.
00:39:33Here, give it to me.
00:39:35Nothing at all should be left to chance.
00:39:40It's a small detail, maybe.
00:39:43But make the most of it.
00:39:45Haven't you ever seen a good porno film?
00:39:48It's all technique.
00:39:50And over here.
00:39:52Sit down.
00:39:55I'll show you.
00:40:00Like this.
00:40:17Like this.
00:40:25Double exposure, right?
00:40:28Two undershirts.
00:40:29You're not a guinea pig.
00:40:30You're a horse's ass.
00:40:31Now, watch how I do it.
00:40:44Remove thermometer.
00:40:53Breathe thermometer.
00:41:00Breathe.
00:41:06You get the illusion?
00:41:07Phallic symbolism.
00:41:21Oh, my God.
00:41:23My pencil.
00:41:25Oh, where are you, little pencil?
00:41:28Where are you?
00:41:29Where did you go?
00:41:30Where are you?
00:41:35Oh, here it is.
00:41:58Here.
00:42:04Oh, my love.
00:42:11Get it?
00:42:13You put your mind to it and he's as good as dead.
00:42:16Yeah, sure.
00:42:17He'll die laughing.
00:42:20Here, drink this now.
00:42:22The thermometer.
00:42:23Aren't you going to take it out?
00:42:26Where did you put it?
00:42:28Oh, it wouldn't stay under the arms, so I stuck it.
00:42:32Then you'll have to take it out yourself.
00:42:34If I do, all the water will spill out.
00:42:37You've got a free hand.
00:42:39No, not really.
00:42:40My little sugar dumpling is not free at all.
00:42:43Well, here.
00:42:45Oh, that's perfect, perfect, perfect.
00:42:48Just what I've been dreaming of.
00:42:51What the hell is this, a railroad station?
00:42:54Excuse me.
00:42:55Am I disturbing you?
00:42:57I came to say good night.
00:42:59Yeah, well, good night and good riddance.
00:43:02Good night.
00:43:03Get out.
00:43:04Get out.
00:43:05Get out.
00:43:06Oh, is there anything I can do for you?
00:43:08Oh, no.
00:43:09Oh, no.
00:43:10Oh, no.
00:43:11Oh, no.
00:43:12Oh, no.
00:43:13Oh, is there anything I can get for you?
00:43:15Oh, no, no, no.
00:43:16I have everything I want.
00:43:17You just scram.
00:43:18Tomorrow I have to go into town in case you need anything else.
00:43:20For Christ's sake, here I am on my deathbed,
00:43:22and he's using up all the air in the place.
00:43:24I know.
00:43:25Oh, yes, some batteries for my radio.
00:43:28What voltage?
00:43:29What voltage?
00:43:30I'm not sure.
00:43:32Let's go and look.
00:43:38Let's go and see.
00:43:39He doesn't even know what to look for.
00:43:43Let's go.
00:44:03It won't open.
00:44:05You want to try?
00:44:14Would you like me to hold it for you?
00:44:16Thank you.
00:44:32Antonis, what's going on?
00:44:35Don't bother the lady.
00:44:37One and a half volts.
00:44:39I'll pick them up for you tomorrow.
00:44:40Antonis!
00:44:41Thank you.
00:44:43You'd better go.
00:44:44Your uncle seems to be nervous.
00:44:50It is a goddamn railroad station.
00:44:58Hi there.
00:44:59May I come in a moment?
00:45:01You're in express.
00:45:03Oh, it's you, Antonis.
00:45:05Why are you always under everyone's feet?
00:45:08You know uncle shouldn't be disturbed.
00:45:10He needs to rest.
00:45:11You're so right.
00:45:13Get out.
00:45:15Not just him, you too.
00:45:17Get out.
00:45:18Oh, right away.
00:45:20I dropped in to bring you some light reading.
00:45:31Night, uncle.
00:45:33Pleasant dreams.
00:45:34Not good, were you?
00:45:36Before I get any more visitors.
00:45:38All I need now is Gustav to break my arm.
00:45:44Emergency!
00:45:45Don't do it, Colonel.
00:45:46The train's running out.
00:45:47Don't.
00:46:00Well, pretty soon he'll be running out of gas.
00:46:03Pretty soon he'll be running out of ammunition, as usual.
00:46:08There was a time when all he needed was a fanfare.
00:46:12Don't ask me how I know.
00:46:14Let's just say that I've got my spies.
00:46:16Colonel, there is always one black sheep, even in the best of families.
00:46:20This one's got a flock.
00:46:25Must be glad you can laugh about it.
00:46:27I want to cry sometimes.
00:46:33He'll be running out of ammunition, but he's not surrendering.
00:46:36Doesn't know any better.
00:46:39And Tusk, a poor deluded child.
00:46:41He keeps right on trying.
00:46:43But his gun's a harmless weapon.
00:47:04Hey, Tosca.
00:47:05Yes?
00:47:06Do you know where the nurse is?
00:47:07Wasn't she with your uncle?
00:47:09No, I was already up there.
00:47:10How should I know?
00:47:12Last time I saw her, she was up in the attic with Mr. Benito.
00:47:29Oh, my God.
00:47:30What was it?
00:47:31I don't know.
00:47:32I don't know.
00:47:33If it's yawling, it's the end.
00:47:40There's no one there.
00:47:41It might have been a mouse.
00:47:46With army boots on.
00:47:54The calories for my radio.
00:48:02Hey, come on.
00:48:03We must get in here.
00:48:08It's an emergency.
00:48:09That's why I used a siren.
00:48:21You're going to fill a prescription for me, doctor.
00:48:24I ain't no doctor.
00:48:26I'm a doctor.
00:48:27I'm a doctor.
00:48:28I'm a doctor.
00:48:29I'm a doctor.
00:48:30I ain't no doctor and this ain't no pharmacy.
00:48:33Like it wasn't no grocery yesterday.
00:48:38Oh, holy shit.
00:48:40Oh, I got to have a few words with my bicycle.
00:48:44Oh, well, as long as we're here, you might as well give me the usual.
00:48:48The old guy works.
00:48:49No, it's the kid, Adonis.
00:48:53He's got himself a fever that would kill a horse.
00:49:01Oh.
00:49:09No, darling, no.
00:49:11It's me.
00:49:12Mommy.
00:49:19Sweetheart, what are you saying?
00:49:21Don't you know your own mother?
00:49:26He's delirious.
00:49:27If it's malaria, it's Eureka.
00:49:30Oh.
00:49:32Tramp.
00:49:34Tramp.
00:49:36Pussy.
00:49:37Adonis, pull yourself together.
00:49:39Pussy.
00:49:43Delirious.
00:49:45No, I think you're wrong.
00:49:47He won't say anything.
00:49:49Wait till the fever drops.
00:49:51I'll handle him.
00:49:53How?
00:49:56I don't know yet.
00:49:58Obviously, I can't deny what he saw.
00:50:00It's not what he saw, it's what he heard.
00:50:02Heard what?
00:50:03A little harmless whispering?
00:50:06You're grown.
00:50:08It's not funny.
00:50:10We were talking about the old coot at first,
00:50:12who said he was already digging his own grave.
00:50:15And I suggested that a shove or two from you might help him over the edge.
00:50:20But that was before he was there.
00:50:22You know how long he was spying on us, huh?
00:50:27Oh, my God.
00:50:29Quiet.
00:50:35I'm getting out of here.
00:50:39For God's sake.
00:50:40This is no time to get hysterical.
00:50:44What if he tells the count?
00:50:46Or even the police?
00:50:48Don't panic.
00:50:49Just keep your wits about you.
00:50:58Let's stop the whole thing.
00:51:01I'm scared.
00:51:02Are you crazy?
00:51:03You want to stop now and blow the whole deal with kids
00:51:05after all the trouble I've gone to?
00:51:08Well, you'll see.
00:51:09Everything is...
00:51:10Everything's going to turn out all right.
00:51:12A little swish.
00:51:13Mmm.
00:51:14Mmm.
00:51:16Mmm.
00:51:17Mmm.
00:51:18Mmm.
00:51:19Mmm.
00:51:20Mmm.
00:51:21Mmm.
00:51:22Mmm.
00:51:23Mmm.
00:51:24Mmm.
00:51:25Mmm.
00:51:26Mmm.
00:51:27Mmm.
00:51:28You moron.
00:51:29Where's the medicine?
00:51:31You've been gone over three hours.
00:51:34Uh, yes.
00:51:36Sorry.
00:51:37The delay was due to a slight detour from the scheduled route.
00:51:41Unforeseen.
00:51:43Howdy, ma'am.
00:51:44I can smell it from your breath.
00:51:45Give me that stuff.
00:51:46Yes, sir, Mr. Buddington.
00:51:47Oh, yes, sir.
00:51:48In that case, I might just as well go back where I came from
00:51:52and furnish some unfinished business that I went and left unfurnished.
00:51:58I'm going.
00:52:05I think I'm still here.
00:52:06I think so, too.
00:52:08Here we go.
00:52:09Ha, ha, ha.
00:52:11And I keep on watching.
00:52:15La, la, la.
00:52:18Oh, the wine on the vine.
00:52:21It tastes mighty fine.
00:52:25Every time I taste the wine, I can.
00:52:30Ah!
00:52:32Ah, my little butterfly.
00:52:35Fluttering little butter vine.
00:52:38What happened?
00:52:39He's drunk.
00:52:42Here's the medicine.
00:52:43How's the count?
00:52:44He's been waiting.
00:52:50Anna, Anna, Anna.
00:52:54Until we know what Adonis heard, keep him alive.
00:52:57And get that book.
00:53:02Butter, butter, butter, butter.
00:53:05Oh, I love life.
00:53:11I've never loved life as much as I love life now.
00:53:17Oh, no.
00:53:20Sir, sir.
00:53:22Oh, my God.
00:53:25Oh, you scared me.
00:53:28I'm not ready to go yet.
00:53:31Just dozed off, that's all.
00:53:33This kind of book's as good as a sleeping draft.
00:53:36Frankly, I prefer to do certain things than read about them.
00:53:41Ah!
00:53:49No, count, what are you doing?
00:53:51You mustn't exert yourself.
00:53:53You know, in your condition, it could be dangerous.
00:53:59Count.
00:54:04Count.
00:54:14Hello.
00:54:15How are we feeling?
00:54:23You can be such a child sometimes.
00:54:29I was wrong.
00:54:31You are a child.
00:54:34If you weren't, I wouldn't have to tell you certain things.
00:54:43Good God, Adonis.
00:54:46So you saw me with Benito.
00:54:47So what?
00:54:50I can understand that at your age, life is more poetry than reality.
00:54:57That may take too much from you.
00:55:00At least those you care about.
00:55:03Because you do care about me, don't you?
00:55:09Adonis, look at me.
00:55:12The one thing I'm sorry about is that I disappointed you.
00:55:16But I can't feel guilty about it.
00:55:20You see, a woman like me, who is alone in life,
00:55:23is like all women.
00:55:26She needs a man.
00:55:28It doesn't matter if it wasn't right.
00:55:33It happens to all of us.
00:55:36And I'm no exception.
00:55:39That's three minutes, you can go now.
00:55:42Please close the door when you leave.
00:55:45He's jealous, he's jealous.
00:55:46We don't have to worry about a thing.
00:55:48You really think so?
00:55:49Shut up.
00:55:51Do you know what he was reading?
00:55:52What?
00:55:55It's called Strategy of a Murder.
00:56:01That little creep.
00:56:02I'm going in there and punching him.
00:56:04I'm going to kill him.
00:56:06I'm going to kill him.
00:56:08I'm going to kill him.
00:56:10I'm going to kill him.
00:56:12I'm going to kill him.
00:56:14I'm going to kill him.
00:56:15I'm going to kill him.
00:56:17Then I'm going to kill him.
00:56:18I'm going to kill him.
00:56:20I'm going to kill him.
00:56:22I don't know it mean!
00:56:23A murderer?
00:56:24No.
00:56:25Not a murderer, but...
00:56:26You might be one.
00:56:27I've seen him everywhere
00:56:31and...
00:56:33But I didn't see him with a gun.
00:56:35I can't do anything.
00:56:36You traveled the entire case with a gun.
00:56:39When will you change it?
00:56:41That's up to you to decide.
00:56:42You're the only one equipped for the job.
00:56:44No, I've had enough.
00:56:45No, no, come on, just wait a minute, please.
00:56:50Now, look, if he does know something,
00:56:52we'll just deny everything and you can go back to your cuckoo clocks.
00:56:56That you can count on. I'll be on the first tray.
00:57:00Now look.
00:57:09And this could have been
00:57:12a perfect crime.
00:57:23Coffee, Colonel?
00:57:25Decaffeinated.
00:57:26Yes, decaffeinated.
00:57:31Look who's in it.
00:57:33Timothy Power.
00:57:34Tyrone Power.
00:57:36And clean your glasses.
00:57:37Tyrone Power.
00:57:40He's going to play a Marine.
00:57:41Yolli, it's Romina's father.
00:57:44How awfully exciting.
00:57:48It's the third year of the war.
00:57:50By now, Hitler's forces have invaded all Europe.
00:57:53Stalin's army is in difficulty.
00:57:55And the only potent opposition to Göring's Luftwaffe is Dauntless Great Britain.
00:58:00The Hun met his match with the great British.
00:58:03London is in flames.
00:58:07Good evening.
00:58:09Wouldn't you like to come closer to the set?
00:58:11You can't see back there.
00:58:12Gustav, would you make room for the nurse?
00:58:17Yolli, Yolli, sit here.
00:58:32No, no, no, stay where you are, make yourself comfortable.
00:58:36You sit over there, in the chair.
00:58:40What's all this commotion?
00:58:42Sit down, you're not transparent.
00:58:47Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:58:53I didn't remember war and peace in a honeymoon.
00:58:57Excuse me.
00:59:06But on Sunday, the 7th of December, 1941,
00:59:09acting on the orders of Admiral Yamamoto,
00:59:12the Japanese attack Pearl Harbor,
00:59:14taking the Americans by surprise.
00:59:26All is fair, in war and love.
00:59:35Shh, shh, shh.
01:00:02Herr Gustav.
01:00:06Oh, a door.
01:00:30Uncle Gustav, where are you going?
01:00:33I thought you liked war movies.
01:00:35I've seen this one three times.
01:00:38Try them out.
01:00:53Nothing but sex, pornographic films do every time.
01:00:58Joe, Joe.
01:01:00Mary, Mary, over here.
01:01:03Yoli, look, they could be brother and sister.
01:01:07You keep your elbows to yourself.
01:01:12My darling.
01:01:13Mary, at last we're together.
01:01:15Joe, I never thought I'd get here in time.
01:01:18Oh, Mary, Mary, Mary.
01:01:20The Japanese will pay for depriving us of our honeymoon.
01:01:23I'll see to that.
01:01:25Be careful, darling, please.
01:01:27I'll be back, I promise.
01:01:30I'll be back.
01:01:31I'll be waiting for you, my darling.
01:01:33I'll be waiting.
01:01:50So, we're playing soldier again.
01:01:56War is war.
01:01:58What's a war without a good blackout?
01:02:06Make love, not war, huh?
01:02:08That old fart wants to make love and make war.
01:02:17It's just not right.
01:02:19Because I am a papa fish.
01:02:21Everyone take cover.
01:02:24Who shut out the lights?
01:02:26Goddamn telegraph company.
01:02:29What a shame, Benito.
01:02:31Now we'll miss the rest of the movie.
01:02:35Oh, the old bastard.
01:02:36I bet he won't be able to get up for the rest of his life.
01:02:54It's so dramatic.
01:02:57It's a tragedy.
01:03:06What are you doing here?
01:03:08What do you want?
01:03:13But...
01:03:17I didn't call you.
01:03:18I don't need anything.
01:03:20I didn't call you.
01:03:21I don't need anything.
01:03:41What do you think you're doing?
01:03:43You must be crazy.
01:03:44Leave me alone.
01:03:50Leave me alone.
01:04:20Leave me alone.
01:04:50Leave me alone.
01:05:21I won't look.
01:05:24Don't.
01:05:25Well, it doesn't make sense.
01:05:27We paid for last rites.
01:05:29And we're getting an initiation ceremony.
01:05:33Blasted girl.
01:05:34What's taking so long?
01:05:35It's getting on my nerves.
01:05:37My stomach hurts.
01:05:39You're living on salami.
01:05:40That's your 15 slices.
01:05:42Your stomach's revolting.
01:05:44Not half as revolting as your face.
01:05:46If you continue like this,
01:05:48you're going to break out in pimples.
01:05:50At least Adonis is having fun.
01:05:54Mind you,
01:05:56with a military band in the background,
01:06:00I wouldn't mind.
01:06:19Well?
01:06:31He doesn't know a thing.
01:06:34It was all jealousy.
01:06:38Oh, good girl.
01:06:40So we're in business again.
01:06:42Everything's going to be all right.
01:06:45Let's drink a toast.
01:06:49Roses are red, violets are green.
01:06:51We're about to marry old man Botticini.
01:06:57They're doing it.
01:06:58Benito.
01:06:59They're doing it.
01:07:00Benito.
01:07:01Benito.
01:07:02They're doing it.
01:07:04Benito, she's succeeding.
01:07:07They're doing it.
01:07:09Benito, she's succeeding.
01:07:11It's about goddamn time.
01:07:12They're doing it.
01:07:14She has to pick right now.
01:07:16The first time in three weeks.
01:07:24Well, is she still at it?
01:07:27Take a look.
01:07:30Under the weeping willow.
01:07:34I'll be goddamn...
01:07:46Poor old Ramona, this was our garden of Eden.
01:07:49Now it's become the outhouse where we stray in the neighborhood.
01:07:52My dear, you must forgive me for making you bring me all the way out here,
01:07:56but I...
01:07:58I has intentions that are, let's say, dishonorable.
01:08:01For Christ's sake.
01:08:03I got it on my hands.
01:08:05And it's your fault.
01:08:07It's my fault.
01:08:09It's my fault.
01:08:11It's my fault.
01:08:13It's my fault.
01:08:15And it serves you right.
01:08:17You can never seem to remember that you are the patient and I am the nurse.
01:08:22And there are some things you are not to do.
01:08:27Well, I couldn't do them anyway with my hands all dirty.
01:08:30We might as well go back inside.
01:08:38Well?
01:08:42Is she finished?
01:08:45She's finished.
01:08:47And Uncle?
01:08:49He's walking.
01:08:52On his last steps.
01:08:57Let me see.
01:09:02What are you talking about?
01:09:05He's back in his old form.
01:09:07The old culture never looked better.
01:09:09Senor Benito, the American is on the phone.
01:09:14What?
01:09:27What am I going to tell him, Mr. Kirch?
01:09:29What the hell am I going to tell him?
01:09:31Damn this thing.
01:09:33I think I'm going to point my way out in the boondocks, you frigging jackass.
01:09:37He'll recognize the Cadillac, ball buster.
01:09:40Calm down, calm down.
01:09:42Just take the upper hand, there's nothing to worry about.
01:09:44I mean, after all, the Americans are infants when it comes to business dealings.
01:09:48They can't hold a candle to us Italians and Latin lovers.
01:09:51Now, Capone was no slouch.
01:09:53Mr. Kirch will wait as long as I tell him to wait.
01:09:58My dear Mr. Kirch.
01:10:00I'm quite certain that your interest in Bottesini and Co...
01:10:05He has more interest to us than to you.
01:10:08He's arranged a meeting on the road that leads...
01:10:11to the competition, the Treviso wineries, to the Venetian vineyards.
01:10:16Oh my God, it's all over.
01:10:18Easy Benito, easy.
01:10:21Don't panic.
01:10:26It all depends on you now.
01:10:36For Christ's sake, rain.
01:10:41Rain.
01:10:46St. Justina, help me to speak clearly.
01:10:49Dear St. Francis, help me to take it easy.
01:10:52Dear St. Gaetano, help me to screw the American.
01:10:57Hello, Mr. Kirch, good night.
01:11:01You Americans.
01:11:04Well, always punctual, I like that.
01:11:08Well, I have a good deal, we're just about to close the news.
01:11:11There's only a few slight technical difficulties, nothing serious.
01:11:16Is the Count dead?
01:11:18That's one of the difficulties.
01:11:21You are dead then, Mr. Fagotto.
01:11:23That's La Roto.
01:11:25Ask me, your name is Mud.
01:11:28Mud.
01:11:36You miserable bastard!
01:11:59It's too much?
01:12:01Oh, go on, take it.
01:12:03Consider it an expression of our gratitude,
01:12:05for having taken such very good care of our uncle.
01:12:08You've earned it.
01:12:10I can't.
01:12:12I didn't do anything to deserve it.
01:12:14It's too much.
01:12:16Oh, go on, take it.
01:12:18Consider it an expression of our gratitude,
01:12:20for having taken such very good care of our uncle.
01:12:23You've earned it.
01:12:25I can't.
01:12:27I didn't do anything to deserve it.
01:12:29I couldn't agree more.
01:12:31Please, Italia, we'll decide things, don't butt in.
01:12:34All right, I'm sorry.
01:12:36No, no, no, Signora Italia is right.
01:12:39This was not what we agreed upon.
01:12:41I backed out.
01:12:43You what?
01:12:49I backed out.
01:12:52When I came here, it was with the agreement
01:12:54that I would behave in a certain way with the Count.
01:12:59I mean, you didn't exactly engage me to cure him.
01:13:03So?
01:13:05So I couldn't go through with it.
01:13:10When I saw him so helpless,
01:13:13I realized that I'm not cut out for murder.
01:13:18And besides, I eventually grew very fond of the Count.
01:13:23And so I pretended to go along with your game,
01:13:25to give him time to recover.
01:13:27And I can assure you, it was a pleasure.
01:13:30Because your uncle Leonida is more of a man than most.
01:13:37You double-crossing little bitch.
01:13:40Do you think you can make a fool out of me?
01:13:43I've got a good mind to tell you.
01:13:46Just cut your word.
01:13:49Here, take your earnings and get out.
01:13:51No, I can't accept it.
01:13:53What the hell do you want anyway?
01:13:55I bet you want to blackmail us.
01:13:57Oh, no, I could never do that.
01:13:58How much do you want? I'm sure you have your price.
01:14:00I said I don't want anything.
01:14:02Your money makes me sick.
01:14:04All right then, get out, get out, get out, get out.
01:14:09No, no, kiddies, you're the ones that have to get out.
01:14:17Listen, uncle, you really can't believe that we...
01:14:20Get out!
01:14:21Please come.
01:14:22Phil, murderers, thieves.
01:14:24You must come.
01:14:27Please get out.
01:14:29I hope I never have to see any of you ever again.
01:14:32No more fanfares, no more plotting,
01:14:35and above all, no more extracurricular lovemaking.
01:14:39The only thing that I regret is
01:14:41blowing my top at you is not allowed.
01:14:44You're so cruel.
01:14:46Yes, indeed. Up yours.
01:14:48Let's go, let's go. It's all the fault of that cow.
01:14:51If anyone's a cow, it's you.
01:14:53You haven't got the class of a tough any more.
01:14:55I'll make sure you never come back.
01:14:57Filthy traitors, all of you.
01:14:59Don't live in a gutter.
01:15:01You thought you were going to please me to death,
01:15:03but you're the ones who are going to die of starvation.
01:15:07Do you hear me? Of starvation.
01:15:10There's one.
01:15:12Serve the class.
01:15:13There's two.
01:15:15There's three.
01:15:18Yeah.
01:15:20And there's the ball of the third Reich.
01:15:23Ain't that funny, huh?
01:15:25I got them all to myself.
01:15:28I got you in my clutches,
01:15:30but you're not going to get away.
01:15:32Little butterfly.
01:15:33Come back, little butterfly.
01:15:39Goodbye, Uncle Leonido.
01:15:40Adonis, my boy,
01:15:42I want you to think of this house as your own.
01:15:44You'll always be welcome here.
01:15:48Adonis, you hurry up, you hear me?
01:15:54Goodbye, Anna.
01:15:55Goodbye, Adonis.
01:16:03Take care.
01:16:15No, no, no, no, no.
01:16:17Fortunately, the story isn't over yet.
01:16:20Or unfortunately.
01:16:30To Signor Giovanni Nanni, Villa Bortesini,
01:16:33Conigliano Veneto, province of Treviso.
01:16:36Greetings from Leonido Bortesini and wife.
01:16:41To Signorina Tosca Floria Zanin, Villa Bortesini,
01:16:45Conigliano Veneto, province of Treviso.
01:16:49Dear Tosca, having a wonderful time, see you soon.
01:16:53Leonido Bortesini and wife.
01:16:56To my dear nephew Adonis Scarpa,
01:16:59Barbarigo Academy, Padua.
01:17:02Much love from Uncle Leonido and Aunt Anna
01:17:05on the day of their wedding.
01:17:07I never sent the cards I wrote to my other relatives
01:17:10because Anna tore them up.
01:17:12And maybe she was right.
01:17:14The post office might have brought me up
01:17:16on an obscenity charge.
01:17:20Thank you.
01:17:21And for the gentlemen?
01:17:22A double portion of spaghetti with clam sauce.
01:17:25Very well.
01:17:26And then I'll try the lobster au beurre,
01:17:28then a duck larraige, some artichokes,
01:17:32two helpings of fried potatoes,
01:17:34and for dessert, I'll have the chocolate mousse.
01:17:36Sorry about that.
01:17:37Oh, and while we're waiting,
01:17:39some mixed seafood delicacy.
01:17:41Yes, absolutely.
01:17:42And good antipasto.
01:17:43Oh, and listen,
01:17:44do you have a good bottle of Pinot Bortesini?
01:17:47Yes, naturally.
01:17:48Ah, wonderful, wonderful.
01:17:50My husband is only joking.
01:17:52He'll have a consommé de stard with croutons,
01:17:55then a small veal cutlet, very well done, and salad.
01:17:59Yes, ma'am.
01:18:00That's all.
01:18:01Yes, ma'am.
01:18:02And your room number?
01:18:03112.
01:18:04112.
01:18:05Thank you.
01:18:07Thank you.
01:18:11What is this?
01:18:12Did I get married or check into a hospital?
01:18:14You just married your nurse.
01:18:16Nurse, huh?
01:18:17I'll show you a little treatment.
01:18:18Wait and see.
01:18:19Here we go.
01:18:20Oh, beautiful roses.
01:18:22Leonita, oh.
01:18:23Oh, nothing to do with.
01:18:25Oh, Leonita!
01:18:26What the...
01:18:27Come on, Dad.
01:18:28Want a little chant, some festivities,
01:18:44Want me...
01:18:45Rosas, Leonida.
01:18:48Leonida, put me down immediately.
01:18:57Put me down.
01:18:59What is this?
01:19:02What kind of a honeymoon suite is this?
01:19:06No, no, no, Leonida.
01:19:07No, it was my idea, the twin beds.
01:19:11Now look.
01:19:13I was married once before.
01:19:16I can assure you it's too narrow.
01:19:19Too narrow for what?
01:19:21For what?
01:19:22But what do you mean for what?
01:19:24For it.
01:19:25But Leonida, darling, you know what the doctor said.
01:19:29You mustn't be thinking of things like that.
01:19:31Are you serious? I can't think about anything else.
01:19:33No, no, no, you're a bad boy.
01:19:34No.
01:19:35Now let's not waste any more time.
01:19:37Darling, be reasonable.
01:19:39You know what the doctor said.
01:19:40You promised.
01:19:41I was just humoring him.
01:19:43Promises are supposed to be kept.
01:19:46Stop it or I'm changing rooms.
01:20:03It's a honeymoon without a honey pot.
01:20:10I'm going to bed.
01:20:27You got anything to keep down a libido?
01:20:30No, no, darling.
01:20:31Into bed.
01:20:32It's been an awful long day.
01:20:35Yes, dear.
01:20:41It's been my wedding night.
01:20:43Read the paper.
01:20:50Read to me.
01:20:56Man kills wife's girlfriend at a birthday picnic.
01:21:00Oh, that sounds so depressing.
01:21:02What else?
01:21:04What else?
01:21:05A new American space probe launched.
01:21:07The satellite Helios-1 was sent aloft from Cape Canaveral yesterday.
01:21:11The space family's newest addition was placed into an elliptical orbit...
01:21:15...that varies from 200 to 300 miles above the Earth.
01:21:24And...
01:21:27And?
01:21:28And I've lost my place.
01:21:30It's carried the remaining orbit for six years.
01:21:33For six years, it's a special computer on board...
01:21:36...which functions with solar batteries.
01:21:40The spacecraft also carries a billion dollars worth of electronic equipment.
01:21:45And...
01:21:46And...
01:21:48Go on.
01:21:51Oh, yeah.
01:21:53Photographic equipment, the purpose of which is to...
01:21:58...study the immigration patterns of the common man.
01:22:04Since when do ants migrate?
01:22:07Well...
01:22:09Well, in any case, it would be stupid to study it with a satellite.
01:22:14I can't resist anymore.
01:22:15I can't resist anymore.
01:22:17Leonido!
01:22:18I can't stand it.
01:22:19It drives me crazy, Anna.
01:22:20No, no, no, Leonido.
01:22:23Your blood pressure.
01:22:24Think about your heart.
01:22:25Remember what the doctor said.
01:22:28I'd like to see what he'd do.
01:22:31Relax, darling.
01:22:32Relax.
01:22:33We'll have fun together when you're well again.
01:22:37Oh, my God.
01:22:38Cover yourself.
01:22:40Oh.
01:22:41Thank you.
01:22:42You're right.
01:22:43It's all my fault.
01:22:44Let's put you to bed.
01:22:45I'll give you a tranquilizer.
01:22:46Just what I need.
01:22:47Yes.
01:22:49Now you be a good boy and get a good night's sleep.
01:22:52Now.
01:22:53In the bed we go.
01:22:55Okay.
01:22:56Now lie down.
01:22:58That's it.
01:23:00The doctor said you must get as much rest as possible.
01:23:03Oh, God.
01:23:04Okay.
01:23:08Go to sleep.
01:23:09I wish I hadn't changed my diaper.
01:23:17No, damn it, no!
01:23:18Leonido!
01:23:24Now close your eyes.
01:23:31Good night, darling.
01:23:32Good night.
01:24:01Anna?
01:24:03Anna?
01:24:04Are you asleep?
01:24:30Good night, dear.
01:25:00Leonido.
01:25:01Are you mad?
01:25:02No, you can't.
01:25:03Leonido.
01:25:04No, no.
01:25:05No.
01:25:06The doctor's orders.
01:25:07You can't.
01:25:08Think of your adrenaline.
01:25:09For my sake.
01:25:10Think of me.
01:25:11Try it.
01:25:12Fight it.
01:25:13Resist.
01:25:14Think of your poor arteries.
01:25:15Your heart.
01:25:16Oh.
01:25:17Oh.
01:25:18Jose.
01:25:19Jose.
01:25:20Jose.
01:25:21Jose.
01:25:22Jose.
01:25:23Jose.
01:25:24Jose.
01:25:25Jose.
01:25:26Jose.
01:25:27Jose.
01:25:29Jose.
01:25:30Jose.
01:25:31Jose.
01:25:32Jose.
01:25:33Jose.
01:25:34Jose.
01:25:35Jose.
01:25:36Jose.
01:25:52That's right.
01:25:54Here we are.
01:25:57Unfortunately, the old quack of a doctor was right.
01:26:00The second heart attack did the trick.
01:26:03No, no, no, no, no.
01:26:05No tears, please.
01:26:08Tell the truth.
01:26:10Anna's a real beauty, huh?
01:26:12What hair.
01:26:14You can't see it now since she has it all pulled up under her hat.
01:26:18When she lets it down, it flows over her shoulders.
01:26:22It's a dream.
01:26:24And what eyes.
01:26:26And everything else.
01:26:28Just think.
01:26:29She loved me.
01:26:31Sure, she loved you.
01:26:35You stay out of my affairs.
01:26:36I'll speak when I want.
01:26:37I have a perfect right.
01:26:39Well, Mona, be good, will you?
01:26:41Huh.
01:26:42If I'd been around, you'd still be alive.
01:26:44Naturally.
01:26:45You removed all temptation.
01:26:51I know.
01:26:52You never could stand me.
01:26:54For heaven's sake.
01:26:55We have a whole eternity ahead of us.
01:26:59I'd be better off alive.
01:27:02Mona, this is a happy ending.
01:27:24I love you.
01:27:54I love you.
01:27:55I love you.
01:27:56I love you.
01:27:57I love you.
01:27:58I love you.
01:27:59I love you.
01:28:00I love you.
01:28:01I love you.
01:28:02I love you.
01:28:03I love you.
01:28:04I love you.
01:28:05I love you.
01:28:06I love you.
01:28:07I love you.
01:28:08I love you.
01:28:09I love you.
01:28:10I love you.
01:28:11I love you.
01:28:12I love you.
01:28:13I love you.
01:28:14I love you.
01:28:15I love you.
01:28:16I love you.
01:28:17I love you.
01:28:18I love you.
01:28:19I love you.
01:28:20I love you.
01:28:21I love you.
01:28:22I love you.
01:28:23I love you.
01:28:24I love you.
01:28:25I love you.
01:28:26I love you.
01:28:27I love you.
01:28:28I love you.
01:28:29I love you.
01:28:30I love you.
01:28:31I love you.
01:28:32I love you.
01:28:33I love you.
01:28:34I love you.
01:28:35I love you.
01:28:36I love you.
01:28:37I love you.
01:28:38I love you.
01:28:39I love you.
01:28:40I love you.
01:28:41I love you.
01:28:42I love you.
01:28:43I love you.
01:28:44I love you.
01:28:45I love you.
01:28:46I love you.
01:28:47I love you.
01:28:48I love you.
01:28:49I love you.
01:28:50I love you.
01:28:51I love you.