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00:00In Garofalo, and you're watching Comedy Central.
00:02♪♪
00:04Pbht!
00:05Whoo!
00:06I'm Dave Bowling, and you're watching
00:07Comedy Central.
00:08Instead of dating.
00:09Get ready for Versus!
00:10It's a team that really knows
00:11how to work with wood.
00:12Versus!
00:13A team that teaches young women
00:14how to become indentured servants.
00:15That's right.
00:16It's shop teachers versus shop assistants.
00:17On Versus!
00:18And now, a guy who never lets the meat loaf.
00:19Greg Groot!
00:20Greg Groot!
00:21Greg Groot!
00:22Greg Groot!
00:23Greg Groot!
00:24Greg Groot!
00:25Greg Groot!
00:26Greg Groot!
00:27Greg Groot!
00:28Greg Groot!
00:29Greg Groot!
00:30Greg Groot!
00:31Greg Groot!
00:32Greg Groot!
00:33Greg Groot!
00:34Greg Groot!
00:35Greg Groot!
00:36Greg Groot!
00:37Greg Groot!
00:38Greg Groot!
00:39Greg Groot!
00:40Greg Groot!
00:41Greg Groot!
00:42Greg Groot!
00:43Greg Groot!
00:44Greg Groot!
00:45Greg Groot!
00:46Greg Groot!
00:47Greg Groot!
00:48Greg Groot!
00:49Greg Groot!
00:50Greg Groot!
00:51Greg Groot!
00:52Greg Groot!
00:53Greg Groot!
00:54Greg Groot!
00:55Greg Groot!
00:56Greg Groot!
00:57Hello, everybody, and welcome to Versus,
00:58the show where we're hysterical a good deal of the time.
00:59This is the show that finds out just how smart people are today.
01:10We expect a knock-down, drag-out fight between teachers, ladies and gentlemen.
01:16It's making stuff versus baking stuff.
01:21We met the teams.
01:23Now let's dip the players in chocolate and roll them in nuts, Joe.
01:28First meet Floyd.
01:30His two loves are woodworking and porno.
01:32Someday he hopes to open a strip club called the Naughty Pine.
01:39Next meet Andy.
01:40He's not sad about missing his finger because he was born with 11 toes.
01:45And finally, there's Sal.
01:48He thinks it's important for boys to know how to fit pipe,
01:52especially if they're going to the prom.
01:55There they are, the shop teachers.
02:00Meet Debbie.
02:01She teaches her girls never to lick the batter,
02:04especially if you're at a baseball game.
02:08Next there's Doris.
02:09She makes all her own clothes and about half the men she dates.
02:16Finally, there's Suzanne.
02:17She tells young women that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
02:21But if you ask me, it's through his zipper.
02:25If you were asking me.
02:26Those are the home ec teachers.
02:31Let's open up that can, heat and serve.
02:34Absolutely.
02:35Then we'll nail gun this one to the floor, Joe.
02:39There has been so much said about the decline of the American student,
02:42and I say let's find out how smart the teachers are.
02:46Uh-huh.
02:47That's what this match-up's all about.
02:49Doris, what does a home ec teacher teach these days?
02:52Family and consumer sciences.
02:54Family and consumer sciences.
02:56I was a sanitation engineer once.
03:01Family and consumer sciences.
03:04Cooking's still involved?
03:05Cooking's involved.
03:06Marriage and family, child development, independent living,
03:09and foods and nutrition.
03:11Wow, I feel like we've made a commitment right here.
03:14Thank you.
03:15Sal, are you ready to play this game?
03:17Hit it.
03:18And shop teachers, are they still teaching what they used to teach?
03:21No, classroom control first.
03:23Classroom control?
03:26Have you had any heinous dismemberments that we can hear about?
03:29Nope.
03:30Not you.
03:32Not in your class.
03:33No, no.
03:34I teach drafting, so, uh,
03:36unless you get stuck with a pencil and get lead poisoning.
03:38And he's...
03:41Pencils are filled with graphite, Sal.
03:45Graphite lead.
03:46Wyoming's not a country, Sal.
03:50All right, we're going to start things off with some general knowledge questions.
03:54Everyone has a chance to ring in,
03:56and every correct answer is worth $100.
03:59If you get it wrong, don't freak.
04:00You're not a P.E. teacher.
04:01But the other team has a chance to confer
04:05and steal what you thought was yours.
04:08All ayes.
04:09People, people, look at the board.
04:11Here we go.
04:12The first subject...
04:14I'm not the substitute host, okay?
04:18I don't care when your regular host lets you out.
04:22Our first subject is animals.
04:25And the categories are...
04:27This is the spawning of the age of aquarium.
04:31Or, I know,
04:32I hear things get slippery at the All Newt Review.
04:36Home Ec teachers, you won the coin toss backstage.
04:40You pick the first category.
04:41Debbie.
04:42I'll pick, this is the spawning of the age of aquarium.
04:45Here we go.
04:46Popular in home aquariums,
04:48and named for its equine appearance,
04:51the male of what underwater animal
04:53is saddled with the task of hatching its offspring?
04:58Andy.
04:59Seahorse.
05:00Seahorse.
05:05All right, here's the next question.
05:07Newts, the only adult vertebrates capable of regenerating limbs,
05:12are a family of what kind of long-tailed amphibian?
05:18Sal.
05:19Beaver.
05:28A beaver's not an amphibian, Sal!
05:32Teachers, what's your answer?
05:36I'm going with chameleon.
05:38No, it is neither chameleon nor beaver.
05:41Although, I can understand how difficult it must be
05:44to concentrate, Sal, with beaver on the brain like that.
05:54I can also understand why neither of them is teaching science,
05:58ladies and gentlemen.
06:00The chameleon, the amphibian,
06:01and of course the beaver born in a jelly-like sack in a pond.
06:08I think you'll find that a chameleon is a reptile
06:10and that a beaver is a mammal.
06:12But don't quote me on that.
06:14Let's move to our next subject,
06:16which I am almost afraid to open, frankly.
06:20World history.
06:23And the beavers and chameleons that made it.
06:35And the categories are be afraid,
06:37Bavaria-fraid,
06:39and fiddling three times a day.
06:41No wonder I've got a burning sensation.
06:45Andy, you were the last thing I remember
06:47before a gigantic beaver nipped at me.
06:50You get to choose, sir.
06:52Be afraid.
06:53Okay, here we go.
06:55In what Bavarian city did Hitler's famed Beer Hall Putsch
06:59take place in November of 1923?
07:03Suzanne.
07:05Munich.
07:06Munich is absolutely correct.
07:10Here's the question.
07:11Ruling until A.D. 68,
07:14what Roman emperor is said to have fiddled while Rome burned?
07:20Andy.
07:21Nero.
07:22Nero.
07:29Moving on to our next subject,
07:31which is television.
07:33The categories are talk shows are like noses.
07:35Everybody has one.
07:37Say, is that Lassie humping my leg?
07:42Andy.
07:43Again, it's down to you.
07:44Say, is that Lassie humping my leg?
07:46I'm not certain.
07:47It may just be Sal.
07:53And here's the question.
07:54On the TV show Lassie,
07:56what was the first name of the Martin boy
07:58that Lassie was always bailing out of trouble?
08:01Doris.
08:02Timmy.
08:03Timmy.
08:06In 1998,
08:07what stand-up comic and St. Elsewhere actor
08:11began hosting his own daily talk show?
08:15Debbie.
08:16Howie Mandel.
08:17Is correct.
08:23Hallmark pushes forward,
08:25but there's so much more.
08:27Here's our next subject,
08:28which is Binneth.
08:30And the categories are,
08:32what came first,
08:34the Chicken McNugget or the Egg McMuffin?
08:37Or when the bowel breaks,
08:38the cradle will fill?
08:42That one is particularly pernicious.
08:44Deborah.
08:46What came first,
08:47the Chicken McNugget or the Egg McMuffin?
08:49I would have gone that way too.
08:50Here we go.
08:52Thanks mostly to the McNugget,
08:54McDonald's is the second largest retailer of chicken,
08:58trailing only what other fast food chain?
09:02Suzanne.
09:03KFC.
09:04You are correct, madam.
09:08Here's our last question.
09:09Introduced by Procter & Gamble in 1966,
09:13what was the first national brand of disposable diapers?
09:17Debbie.
09:18That would be Pampers.
09:19Pampers.
09:22Nip and tuck.
09:23Tuck and nip.
09:25Lots of fine beveling
09:27and much mixturing of Bisquick
09:29at the end of round one.
09:31The Homex lead the Shop Teachers 5-2,
09:34but stick around because we're going to play kickball
09:37when we get back.
09:38Lay there.
09:39Welcome back to NOVA,
10:02tonight's episode,
10:03the beaver, nature's favorite amphibian.
10:05Now, after the general knowledge round,
10:08the Homex teachers are cooking.
10:12We've learned so much in the first round.
10:14We learned that Homex is not just about cooking,
10:17it's about science and consumer things and relationships
10:21and, of course, we've learned that Sal's got a one-track mind
10:25and we've also learned so many other things.
10:28There's five questions written for each team.
10:30I know because I have them.
10:32If you answer a question in your category,
10:34it's worth $200.
10:36If you answer a question from the other team's category,
10:39A-plus.
10:40A wrong answer is going to cost you $200.
10:42This is a timed round.
10:43You wish to employ strategy, you may do so.
10:45The Shop Teachers are behind.
10:47So it'll be your shout.
10:48You can pick from your side of the board
10:50or you may snooch around
10:51and grab a brownie off their tray before it's cooled.
10:54Your choices are...
10:55Getting drilled by your Shop Teacher or...
11:02Do I detect a theme?
11:04Or...
11:05That blonde makes its own sauce.
11:09Sal, you've been a very good sport.
11:12You've let us poke fun.
11:14You teach drafting.
11:16Will you choose?
11:17I'm going to stay nice and conservative.
11:19Getting drilled by your Shop Teacher.
11:27Here we go.
11:28When operating a drill press,
11:31what small accessory with a geared end
11:33is used to tighten and loosen the bit holder?
11:36Sal?
11:37The key.
11:38Chuck key.
11:39Chuck key is exactly right.
11:48That's right.
11:49New category.
11:50My pine stays dry when it's wrapped in polythene.
11:52Pam?
11:54Sal, you're still in control
11:56since you knew what a chuck key was.
11:58Let's see.
11:59My wife is a blonde.
12:00Her blonde makes its own sauce.
12:02All right.
12:05They're poaching in your territory, Home Ex.
12:07Here we go.
12:08Used to thicken soups and sauces,
12:11what mixture of flour and fat
12:13comes in white, blonde or brown?
12:15Debbie?
12:16That's a roux.
12:17Roux.
12:24They're not booing her.
12:25They're rouxing her.
12:27The new category is
12:28When the wife's out of town, I layer cake.
12:30Okay, Debbie.
12:33You picked roux.
12:35R-O-U-X, it is your choice again.
12:37I'm going to pick when the wife's out of town,
12:40I layer cake.
12:41I know.
12:42All right.
12:43What fictitious American housewife
12:46appears on thousands of packages
12:48of General Mills cake mix?
12:50Andy?
12:51Betty Croc.
12:52Is right.
12:58It's back and forth, nip and tuck.
13:00There's no telling who's next.
13:02Here's the next category.
13:04While measuring my inseam,
13:05my tailor started bobbing.
13:07Okay, Andy.
13:09Andy, it's you again.
13:11We're going for the brownies.
13:12Let's go for...
13:13Which one?
13:14While measuring my inseam,
13:15my tailor started bobbing.
13:16Okay.
13:17They're on your territory again, Home Ex.
13:19What kind of sewing machine
13:20finishes the ends of fabric
13:22by sewing and trimming at the same time?
13:25Doris?
13:26An overlock serger.
13:27Serger is absolutely correct.
13:35There are two minutes left in this round.
13:37Here is the new category.
13:39We prefer to call egg beaters ovum abusers.
13:44Doris, my precious love, it's your choice.
13:46We prefer to call egg beaters ovum abusers.
13:48Here we go.
13:50What Whirlpool-owned appliance manufacturer
13:53uses the slogan for the way it's made?
13:57For the way it's made.
13:59Doris?
14:00GE.
14:01No, that's not right.
14:02What's it gonna be, boys?
14:03You got one for it?
14:06No.
14:07No.
14:08No.
14:09No.
14:10No.
14:11No amphibious-type guesses, sir?
14:13KitchenAid.
14:14KitchenAid.
14:15Rolling on.
14:16That's all right.
14:17Feel it.
14:18Release it.
14:19Things change.
14:20Here we go.
14:21Time is on my side is the new category.
14:23It's still down to you, Doris.
14:25Time is on my side.
14:27That magical sound indicates Steely Dan is in the house.
14:31And there's one minute left in the round.
14:33What Simon and Garfunkel tune's chorus
14:36contains the spices parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme?
14:40Debbie?
14:41Scarborough Fair.
14:43Is exactly right.
14:45That concludes the Home Ec category.
14:48We only have time for shop teachers here.
14:50We go.
14:52What classical song with a wood title begins with the lyric,
14:56I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me?
15:00Debbie?
15:01Norwegian Wood.
15:02Is exactly right.
15:0430 seconds left.
15:06New category.
15:07No wood is too hard for my personal palm.
15:09Sander, here's the question.
15:11Recognizable by their bright yellow and black cases,
15:15DeWalt power tools are the professional line
15:18of what consumer tool company?
15:21Andy?
15:22Black and Decker.
15:23Black and Decker is absolutely right.
15:26Time for one last question.
15:29Here we go.
15:30The category, rumor has it Nantucket up the knot hole.
15:32Oh, goodness gracious.
15:34Woodworking projects are the order of the day
15:37for master carpenter Norm Abram
15:39on what New England based PBS program?
15:43Andy?
15:45New Yankee Workshop.
15:46Is right.
15:49That's the end of round two.
15:52Holy cow!
15:54Home Mac, $1,300.
15:57Shop Teachers, $1,200.
15:59When we come back, it's going to be freaky.
16:02Stay where you are.
16:04Welcome to Sábado Gigante.
16:30It all comes down to this.
16:32The Home Mac teachers lead the Shop Teachers,
16:34but not by too darn much.
16:37The winners keep their cash.
16:39The losers go home in the Zorchmobile.
16:42But what are they going to put in it?
16:44Joe?
16:45Well, each loser will receive the Zojirushi
16:47home bakery traditional baked bread maker.
16:50Bakes rectangular two pound loaves.
16:52Ten easy to program settings for whole wheat,
16:54dough, cake, and fresh fruit jam.
16:56Quick and easy bread making from Zojirushi.
16:59Joe, what's your favorite part of the baking thing?
17:03Oh, the rising process.
17:06Ah, yes.
17:09Each of you will get three questions, and that's it.
17:13Ring in as soon as you think you know what that answer is.
17:16If you get it right, you win $250.
17:19If you get it wrong, you get four Zojirushi baking machines.
17:23All right.
17:24All of the questions in this round
17:26will be answered by one of the following three choices,
17:29which are table saw, table spoon, and table tennis.
17:35Now, we're all clear on what a table saw,
17:37a table spoon, and a table...
17:38Okay, I'm not being patronizing.
17:40I want everybody on board,
17:42because it is time to play versus.
17:45Here we go.
17:47The penhold is one type of grip used in it.
17:51So...
17:52Table tennis.
17:53Table tennis.
17:54In woodshop, you could construct a crude paddle to play it.
17:58Homek.
17:59Table tennis.
18:00Yes.
18:01You should always wear goggles while using one.
18:04Table saw.
18:05Table saw.
18:06That's how it works.
18:07Well done, Debbie.
18:11Always remember when serving, it equals three teaspoons.
18:15Yes.
18:16Table spoon.
18:17Exactly.
18:18Cleanup is sometimes a pain,
18:19because it creates a lot of sawdust.
18:21Homek.
18:22Table saw.
18:23Yes.
18:24You'd most likely purchase one at Lector's.
18:27Yes.
18:28Table saw.
18:29That is incorrect.
18:30What is it?
18:31Table spoon.
18:32Table spoon.
18:33That's how it works.
18:34Lloyd.
18:35Suzanne.
18:36Here we go.
18:38With practice, Forrest Gump could make perfect miter cuts with it.
18:42Yes.
18:43Table saw.
18:44Exactly.
18:45A ping pong ball might fit snugly in its hollowed out shape.
18:48Homek.
18:49Table spoon.
18:50Yes.
18:52It was developed in Britain in the late 1800s.
18:55Homek.
18:56Table tennis.
18:57Is exactly right.
18:59The Homek teachers.
19:02Well done, girls.
19:04You played a good game.
19:06You were so close to the very end.
19:10The Homek teachers are the winners,
19:13which means the shop teachers are the losers.
19:16But don't go anywhere, because when we come back,
19:19we're going to fry them in a pan.
19:33Here we go.
19:34Next time on Comedy Central's new game show Versus.
19:37It's Warrant versus Berlin in a cerebral combat that pits
19:41hard rock against soft rock.
19:44Watch Versus tomorrow at 5 only on Comedy Central.
19:49Welcome back to Versus, the Home Ec teachers' rule, that's how it works.
19:59What happens is this, you've won a total of $2,800, which is yours to keep.
20:06Now we're going to see if you can't win some more cash.
20:08It's time for the grand finale.
20:09I will ask you one question.
20:11If you get it right, you'll win $1,000.
20:13If you get it wrong, the shop teachers will have one last chance to snag some snoodles.
20:18Here are the two subjects you may choose from.
20:21Plays performed in the Bavarian Alps, or, you may well laugh, you don't have to answer,
20:28or fabrics.
20:29We'll pick fabrics.
20:30You have 10 seconds to confer, then give me the answer.
20:38Here's the question.
20:39Patented around the turn of the century, what semi-synthetic fabric made from cellulose
20:45was originally called artificial silk?
20:48You have 10 seconds.
20:49Use them wisely, ladies.
20:50Those who can't teach, teach shop.
20:51Those who can't teach shop, teach P.E., and I think you know how that works, ladies and
21:00gentlemen.
21:01Mr. Botanical, we miss you.
21:05All right, what's the answer, Debbie?
21:12The answer is rayon.
21:13That is the answer.
21:14Joy and happiness.
21:15Mold and mayhem.
21:16That's how it works.
21:17We give and we give and we give.
21:18And sit in that car.
21:19Out of man versus blocked line.
21:20Get it?
21:21Because out of man.
21:22The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:23Designed for living and working spaces, the gracious Bush office armoire, finished in
21:24front of you.
21:25The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:26Designed for living and working spaces, the gracious Bush office armoire, finished in
21:27front of you.
21:28The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:29Designed for living and working spaces, the gracious Bush office armoire, finished in front
21:30of you.
21:31Get it?
21:32Because out of man.
21:33The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:34Designed for living and working spaces, the gracious Bush office armoire, finished in
21:35front of you.
21:36The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:37Designed for living and working spaces, the gracious Bush office armoire, finished in
21:38front of you.
21:39The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:40Designed for living and working spaces, the gracious Bush office armoire, finished in
21:41front of you.
21:42The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:43Designed for living and working spaces, the gracious Bush office armoire, finished in
21:44front of you.
21:45The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:46The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:47The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:48The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:49The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:50The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:51The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:52The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:53The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:54The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:55The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:56The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:58The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
21:59The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:00The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:01The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:02The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:03The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:04The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:05The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:06The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:07The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:08The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:09The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:10The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:11The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:12The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:13The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:14The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:15The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:16The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:17The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:18The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:19The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.
22:20The HOMAC teachers will also receive a Bush swing-out office armoire.