These superheroes suck. Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for subpar superheroes, considering questionable powers and/or generally poor reception.
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00:00Why do you hate us? What did we ever do to you?
00:03Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're counting down our picks for subpar superheroes,
00:09considering questionable powers and or generally poor reception.
00:13Hey, thanks, but it's Matter Eater Lad now.
00:16Cool name.
00:19Number 20, Squirrel Girl
00:20Hey, you!
00:21Squirrel Girl is, well, exactly what her title implies.
00:25She was born with squirrel-like abilities,
00:27a mysterious prehensile tail which animals used to grasp, and is apparently not a mutant.
00:32She's just a girl with squirrel-related afflictions.
00:35Perhaps her mother ate out of a garbage can when she was pregnant?
00:38She can also communicate with squirrels,
00:40which would come in handy to keep one's garden free of destructive nuisances.
00:43Though she is a fairly powerful superhero,
00:46Squirrel Girl has been called overrated for numerous reasons,
00:49such as inconsistent narrative, overly positive attitude
00:52Face it, we love the gloom,
00:54and most of her grand achievements taking place off comic panels.
00:58Show us, or it didn't happen.
01:00Let's get noise!
01:02Number 19, Gold Star
01:04Picture Superman with his positive vibes tripled,
01:07or better yet, a goody-two-shoes version of Homelander.
01:10You guys are the real heroes. We're just glad we could help, right?
01:14That's Gold Star. He hails from the planet Harmony,
01:17where he and his twin brother were products of their father's insidious experiments with good
01:21and evil. Twin boys Ernest and Rasputin Whittle,
01:24guess which one ended up being a villain,
01:26were raised in good and evil conditions respectively,
01:29resulting in the embodiment of good with Ernest Gold Star
01:32and evil with Rasputin, who later adopted the moniker Bloodhound.
01:36Gold Star can do everything Superman can do, as well as force goodness on the immoral.
01:41Basically, he mind-melds goodness with bad people,
01:44but not without consulting his code of ethics book first.
01:48Not a joke.
01:49If anyone deserves a wedgie...
01:51Embodied within that hope is the fundamental belief
01:54in the potential of every person to be a force for good.
01:58Number 18, The Fixer
02:00The Fixer was brought to us by comic legend Frank Miller in 2011,
02:03in a graphic novel titled Holy Terror.
02:06Miller claimed he was inspired by older comics,
02:08in which Superman and Captain America both fought Hitler respectively.
02:11Perhaps, however, it was too soon to introduce a superhero fighting Al Qaeda.
02:16Of course, it depends on who the writer is and so on.
02:18Some people don't care about politics and they aren't going to make it away.
02:22Then there's really annoying people like me who want to throw everything in there.
02:27In his defense, Miller knew what he was doing,
02:30claiming the novel would be offensive to many.
02:32The Fixer doesn't have any superpowers.
02:35Think The Punisher, only bigoted.
02:36He is a skilled fighter, marksman, and torturer,
02:40as well as having a spirited over-hatred for Islam.
02:42He defends Empire City against, quote, terrorism.
02:46There is no shock that this was ill-received.
02:48The story was originally pitched as a Batman narrative, but even Batman was offended.
02:53Fixer gave Natalie a special device capable of setting off explosive charges,
02:57so after they jump off to a nearby rooftop, they blow the guy up.
03:01Number 17, Dazzler
03:02How about that Dazzler, huh?
03:04Didn't I tell you she's something?
03:06Dazzler is essentially a walking disco roller derby.
03:09She was created in 1979, which is likely why she needed to find new employment.
03:13Disco died in 1980.
03:15Dazzler has the ability to turn sound vibrations into a light show.
03:19Think gym, but with body lights?
03:22Yeah, we don't really get it either.
03:23She is a human flashbang, can create sparkling color lights and strobes,
03:28generates shields, and is a talented singer, songwriter, and roller skater.
03:32No, really.
03:32Using her abilities in stage shows is what got her outed as a mutant.
03:36Amidst controversy, she continued in her music career,
03:39advocating for mutant rights and all that.
03:42And hey, if you need a light show at your next shindig,
03:44some guys just can't take a hint.
03:47Number 16, Rainbow Girl
03:49Okay, get ready to be offended.
03:51Rainbow Girl is a 30th century superhero and a member of the Legion of Substitute Heroes,
03:56made up primarily of Legion of Superheroes rejects.
03:59Her first comic appearance was in 1963, and she was then voted for 25 years,
04:05presumably due to a certain brawl-burning movement.
04:07Rainbow Girl harnesses the powers of the enigmatic emotional spectrum,
04:12and she is quick to mood swings.
04:14It feels a little like the two male comic creators were angry with an ex or something.
04:18She's essentially the embodiment of PMS.
04:21She can also create pheromone fields around herself,
04:24biologically forcing those around her to find her attractive.
04:27So, there's that.
04:28I don't know, man. That doesn't seem right.
04:32Number 15, NFL Super Pro
04:34In the Merica category of superheroes,
04:36NFL Super Pro was a short-lived comic collaboration between Marvel and the NFL.
04:41Very America way of thinking.
04:43It lasted a mere 12 issues in the early 90s.
04:46Phil Greyfield is an inspiring football star until he severely injures his knee while saving a child.
04:51He then becomes a sports reporter and meets a scientist
04:54who is constructing a near-unbreakable football uniform.
04:57Probably not NFL standard issue.
04:59When visiting the scientist's home, thieves break in and attack the two men,
05:03stealing a van full of NFL merch.
05:05Oh no!
05:06Phil is doused in mystery science chemicals, which render him invincible.
05:11Luckily, his suit is already made, and he dons it and fights crime as NFL Super Pro.
05:17It's been called one of the worst comics ever made.
05:20The writer who created NFL Super Pro has openly admitted that he did so
05:24just to get free NFL tickets.
05:27Number 14, Skateman
05:28Oddly produced by comic great Neil Adams in 1983,
05:32Skateman has gone down in history as an industry joke.
05:35It's not difficult to see why.
05:37He's a guy with skates, karate, and PTSD.
05:40Billy Moon, a.k.a. Skateman, is a Vietnam War veteran
05:43savvy in martial arts and roller derby.
05:46Again with the roller skates.
05:47Suffering from depression, Billy meets a kid named Paco who shows him his comic collection
05:52and inspires the latter to don a scarf over his face and fight crime on his roller skates.
05:57Ask Skateman.
05:58He has, like, an origin for, like, the mask,
06:02and I think he's literally just going through his hamper.
06:05Yeah.
06:05Right?
06:06And just, like, pulls out, like, some rags or something.
06:10He has hilariously been said to make Dazzler seem like Proust in comparison.
06:15Ouch.
06:15Unfortunately, Skateman and Dazzler can't team up, as they're in different universes.
06:20Oh, what might have been.
06:23Number 13, Whizzer
06:24My superhero name?
06:28The kids in school used to call me the Whizzer.
06:31Oh, did you think Quicksilver was Marvel's Flash?
06:34DC's The Flash made his debut in late 1939.
06:37Competing studio USA Comics, now Marvel, debuted its fast guy character in the 1940s,
06:43the Whizzer.
06:44You know, because he whizzes around?
06:46In a yellow suit?
06:47Stop giggling.
06:51He said Whizzer.
06:52So Robert Frank, aka Whizzer, was a sickly child whose father gave him a mongoose blood transfusion,
06:58which somehow triggered his mutation and granted him superhuman speed.
07:01The first recorded use of the word whiz to indicate urination
07:05was in a 1929 D.H. Lawrence poem.
07:08So, it is possible that creators didn't realize the eventual hilarity of their choices.
07:13He had an occasional sidekick, Slow Motion Jones.
07:16No really.
07:17Number 12, Color Kid
07:19I can change the color of anything!
07:23Then you must be Color Kid.
07:25DC's Color Kid can change the colors of objects.
07:28That's it.
07:29He was rejected by the Legion of Superheroes, as they found his superpower to be useless.
07:33He was thus admitted into the Legion of Substitute Heroes,
07:36which is sort of like a participation ribbon.
07:38His first appearance was in 1966, and for some reason he's still hanging around.
07:44Appearing recently in 2006's Legion of Superheroes animated series,
07:48he can camouflage himself as well as project different colored beams of light.
07:52The duration and effect of these color changes is a mystery,
07:55but we're assuming it's useful.
07:57Somehow.
07:57The reason his head is a warped triangle is also a mystery.
08:02I like it!
08:03Number 11, Walker the Were-Dolphin
08:06Not to be confused with Texas Ranger, Walker the Were-Dolphin was created by Bill Willingham
08:10and premiered in Comico's Elementals in 1990.
08:14There is little information available concerning Walker, likely because he wasn't exactly a hit.
08:18His powers are basically swimming fast and breathing underwater.
08:22So like Aquaman, but without most of his useful contributions.
08:26Shucks guys, I don't know.
08:28I guess I could do something like this.
08:31Wow, a real superhero!
08:37Walker did manage to snag a green-skinned Elemental girlfriend,
08:41which spawned some adult-only comic issues,
08:44one of which had a racy cover page of a lady and a dolphin.
08:47But seriously, Walker the Texas Were-Dolphin Ranger has some potential.
08:52I can't win here.
08:53Number 10, Captain Tootsie
08:55What would happen to Popeye if his nutritional secret weapon was less… nutritional?
09:02Enter Captain Tootsie,
09:08a blonde-haired muscle superman who sports an obvious yellow T on his shirt.
09:12Along with his comrades Rolo, Fatso, Fisty and Sweetie,
09:16Captain Tootsie faces adversaries like ornery movie managers and enemy football teams,
09:21all to make sure his younger friends get to enjoy their favorite treat.
09:24His comics, which appeared first in 1940's Sunday Morning Papers,
09:28often ended with the hero getting a sudden magnification of strength by eating the chocolatey
09:33snack.
09:33They were basically nothing more than promotional advertisements for Tootsie Roll products.
09:37Bland and uninspired, this mascot's personality is significantly less engaging
09:42than counting those licks to the Tootsie Pop Center.
09:52Number 9, Codpiece
09:53Not everyone can handle a full load from this big gun.
09:56We're diverting from the rules here, as he's technically a villain.
09:59But we kind of have to.
10:01Whatever mental picture you conjured up from the title is likely correct.
10:04The 15th century Codpiece was a flap of sorts, designed to cover a man's modesty.
10:10DC's Codpiece chose to modernize his modesty flap,
10:13turning it from a protective element to a weapon of mass destruction.
10:17Why?
10:18Well, because of his self-perceived shortcomings.
10:20A girl in high school told him he wasn't big enough,
10:23referring to his height.
10:24He misunderstood the taunt and created a Swiss Army member?
10:29A Robopin 15?
10:31Anyway, this insecure man's weapon is a cannon missile launcher
10:35and a bunch of other tools like a drill.
10:37The puns are all unintended, we promise.
10:44Number 8, Doorman
10:46Damar Davis is a mutant whose main ability is creating doors.
10:50Well, technically, he is the door.
10:52Doorman can stand in front of any seemingly impenetrable object or wall
10:56and act as a doorway, meaning you literally have to walk through him to get in.
11:00So, yeah, he's a door that can open itself anywhere you'd like.
11:04He can also...
11:05Wait, no, he's a door.
11:07You're a doorman, okay?
11:08You're a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, DOORMAN!
11:14The thing is, many other superheroes could easily create an opening in a wall.
11:18Hulk smashes, Iron Man can probably just blast through,
11:21even Codpiece can use a drill.
11:23To make things worse, Doorman's original costume
11:26looks like it was pieced together by rifling through Moon Knight's garbage.
11:29Ends up on what would be considered a joke of a team,
11:33and no matter what he accomplishes, he is still told that his powers are stupid.
11:38Number 7, Captain Marvel
11:40I have nothing to prove to you.
11:42No, not that Captain Marvel.
11:45Not that one either.
11:46Defunct comic creators MF Enterprises released a few comics in the mid-1960s
11:52featuring Captain Marvel.
11:53Not to be confused with Marvel, DC, or Fawcett Comics' respective Captain Marvels,
11:57his backstory reads almost exactly like Superman's.
12:01He was sent to Earth to escape his home planet's destruction,
12:04vowed to protect Earth, and took on the persona of a journalist.
12:07His powers consist of everything Superman can do,
12:10plus sonic blasts, force fields, time travel,
12:13and that incredibly useful ability to sever his body parts and launch them at enemies.
12:18The latter is done by shouting,
12:19Split!
12:19And reattachment by shouting,
12:21ZAM!
12:22Gross.
12:23Number 6, Gen Genie
12:25In the worst mutations category,
12:27the short-lived X-Force member Gen Genie, or Becca Parker, can create seismic waves.
12:32Cool, right?
12:33Well, she can only create waves equal to her blood alcohol count,
12:37so the drunker she gets, the more powerful she can be.
12:40There are just so many issues with this character,
12:43we don't even know where to start.
12:44Like, are her reaction times also affected by the booze?
12:47Who's going to carry the kegs she needs to fuel up?
12:50Would she have been a villain during Prohibition?
12:52She died in a helicopter attack in the comics,
12:55shortly after her introduction.
12:56That's, like, three years ago.
12:58She died in a helicopter attack in the comics, shortly after her introduction.
13:02That's likely for the best.
13:04Let's drink to her memory.
13:08Number 5, Comet the Super Horse
13:10How about a sidekick horse who's also a creepy stalker?
13:14Byron, or Comet, was a centaur in ancient Greece.
13:17He was accidentally turned into a white horse and then granted superpowers by a sorceress.
13:21Well, Comet the Super Horse, real comic name by the way,
13:24met Supergirl and was captured to be housed at the Supergirl Dude Ranch.
13:28Real comic name as well.
13:30There, he found himself obsessed with Supergirl.
13:32Creepy.
13:33Some stuff happened and Comet was given the ability to turn human,
13:36but only when a comet passes Earth.
13:38As a human named Bronco Bill can't make this stuff up.
13:42He pursues Supergirl's romantic affections without telling her he was once her horse.
13:47It's kinda true to his Greek mythology origins, to be fair.
13:51I wouldn't if I were you.
13:52Number 4, Almighty Dollar
13:54Who?
13:56Star-Lord, man.
13:57Legendary outlaw.
13:59Guys?
14:00MOVE!
14:01You know Marvel's famous Almighty Dollar?
14:04Who left such an impact after his one appearance in NFL Super Pro?
14:08Yeah, that guy.
14:09Well, Jay Pennington Pennypacker was an accountant with low self-esteem.
14:13His awesome name and exhilarating career just couldn't do it for him.
14:17He attended a self-esteem camp, True Story, which was a front for a scientist
14:21testing out his new superpower's machine.
14:23JPP was given the amazing ability to chuck pennies at people with force from his wrist.
14:28So, he's a gun.
14:29A penny gun.
14:30And an accountant.
14:34Where did they come up with this stuff?
14:36Fitting that he should get a superpower that aligns with his career.
14:39Why wasn't he in the Avengers?
14:41Number 3, Matter Eater Lad
14:52Tastes like chicken.
14:53Need something eaten?
14:54Anything?
14:55Well, DC's Matter Eater Lad's got you.
14:58He's a lad who eats matter, in case his title was confusing.
15:01Tenzo Kim is from the planet Bismol, ironically reminiscent of Pepto Bismol.
15:06His people's food source became inedible, so they evolved to eat everything else.
15:11He's a decent fighter, and he has superhuman digestion.
15:14Sounds disgusting.
15:15He definitely can't sit with us in the cafeteria.
15:18The thing is, though he seems to be a terrible idea for a character,
15:21some say that since he can eat and digest everything,
15:24he could technically defeat Superman by consuming him.
15:27This would likely take some planning.
15:28Perhaps a kryptonite fork?
15:30Comic nerds, disgust.
15:32I once saw him eat an entire Wendy's restaurant.
15:34Vigilante ate a restaurant?
15:35No, Matter Eater Lad.
15:36That's his power, he can eat anything.
15:38It took too long, it was fries or something.
15:39Number 2, Leather Boy
15:41This one sounds like a character from the boys.
15:44But, alas, tis Marvel.
15:46Gene Lorene, or Leather Boy, was interested in joining some local fetish groups.
15:50He showed up to what he thought was a related meetup,
15:53but had accidentally crashed a looking for costume superheroes meeting instead.
15:57They kicked him out for not having any super abilities.
16:00He then became insanely jealous when Squirrel Girl was inducted into the Great Lakes Avengers
16:05and went on a murderous revenge rampage.
16:07That's dumb.
16:08That is a dumb, stupid, dumb idea.
16:10He has no powers whatsoever, and is just a jealous guy in leather gear.
16:15All this over a misunderstanding at the local community center.
16:18Oh, but he did once design costumes for some of the X-Men, so there's that.
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16:39Number 1, Arm Fall Off Boy
16:41Last and definitely least is DC's beloved character, Arm Fall Off Boy.
16:47Introduced for a very brief run in 1989, AFOB's origins were as unknown as his actual name.
16:54His only achievement appears to have been being the first tryout to be rejected from
16:58the Legion of Superheroes.
16:59His superpower is, well, obvious, but is not reserved for his arms only.
17:04He's technically Lim's Fall Off Boy.
17:06It's worth pointing out, however, that it appears his limbs don't quite fall off,
17:10but are removed and used to beat enemies.
17:12DC even made fun of him themselves in 2021's Suicide Squad,
17:17with Nathan Fillion's The Detachable Kid.
17:29Who's your least favorite superhero?
17:31Let us know in the comments down below.
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