The Real Bros of Simi Valley is an American scripted television series based in Simi Valley, California. The satirical comedy both pays homage to and lampoons the culture of Southern California, and several stereotypes and tropes of unscripted reality shows, with hyperbolic emphasis on exaggerated dramatic elements, and canned infighting among the show's cast.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00It's me, your boy, Zon.
00:00:05Zon.
00:00:06I've been in the CME my whole life.
00:00:07Everything I need is right here.
00:00:08My girl.
00:00:09Will you marry me?
00:00:10Oh, my God, yes.
00:00:11My family.
00:00:12What do you know?
00:00:13Open that, Jen.
00:00:14My truck.
00:00:15Oh!
00:00:16But most importantly, my boys.
00:00:17Give it up for Bryce Meyer.
00:00:18Bryce, please, get down.
00:00:19We're your friends.
00:00:20We care about you.
00:00:21Oh, my God.
00:00:22Oh, my God.
00:00:23Oh, my God.
00:00:24Oh, my God.
00:00:25Oh, my God.
00:00:26Oh, my God.
00:00:27Oh, my God.
00:00:28Oh, my God.
00:00:29Oh, my God.
00:00:30Oh, my God.
00:00:31Oh, my God.
00:00:32Oh, my God.
00:00:33Oh, my God.
00:00:34Oh, my God.
00:00:35Oh, my God.
00:00:36Oh, my God.
00:00:37I want to pull the plug.
00:00:38Where's the plug?
00:00:39You're not hooked up to any...
00:00:40Yeah, that's for the TV.
00:00:41What's up?
00:00:42I'm Wade.
00:00:43Wade!
00:00:44What the hell are you doing?
00:00:45Dad, get the...
00:00:46...back inside, okay?
00:00:47I'm doing art.
00:00:48Pretty much just kicking with my brother and his friends because everyone...
00:00:49My...
00:00:50...sucks, dude.
00:00:51Wanna hit the chute?
00:00:52Nah, dude.
00:00:53Do you...
00:00:54Do you not burn?
00:00:55Wait, you don't burn, Wade?
00:00:56I'm sad, Dad. Can't you see how sad I am?
00:00:58What if you ran, like, a surf shop without your dad?
00:01:01If you were to tell me five years ago
00:01:03that I was gonna open up a surf skate shop with Johnny Mendez,
00:01:05I would've said, you're crazy, brother.
00:01:07Yo, Tessa, will you marry me?
00:01:09I'm down. I don't think I can get married right now.
00:01:11She just broke off the engagement or whatever, but...
00:01:14Now that I know that Dani's the real blunt mastermind,
00:01:16it's like, have I been in love with her this whole time?
00:01:18Dani, you need to choose right now, or we're done.
00:01:20Then I guess we're done here.
00:01:22Well, it's safe to say I'm officially
00:01:24the most dumped guy in See Me.
00:01:26I'm pregnant.
00:01:27What do you mean?
00:01:28And if it's a guy,
00:01:29we're naming him Chez, Dax, or Hawk.
00:01:31Good breast, you wanna hold him?
00:01:32No, I'm good.
00:01:33Xander's my boy, but not this Hawk fool.
00:01:35Who deserves to be locked in a hot car with the windows rolled up?
00:01:38I'm gonna toast your child.
00:01:40You're gonna toast my child?
00:01:41I'm gonna toast him.
00:01:42Just thinking about it, you know,
00:01:44we were pretty sick in high school.
00:01:45I mean, we were really cool in high school.
00:01:47Obviously, we were super sick in high school.
00:01:49God, high school was so sick.
00:01:51I'm sorry, but high school was so sick.
00:01:54I'm sorry.
00:02:22Got the money?
00:02:24For sure.
00:02:30And it's 100% legit?
00:02:32You ask a lot of questions.
00:02:34That was one question.
00:02:36Let's put it this way.
00:02:37This transaction is about as legit
00:02:40as my belt.
00:02:42No offense, but
00:02:44I can't tell if your belt is legit or not.
00:02:48Listen here, snow cone.
00:02:50This isn't the only backstreet buy-your-bargain I got for today.
00:02:53Got a 130 Camarillo.
00:02:55So Blaine or no Blaine?
00:02:59Uh...
00:03:01I just gotta make a quick call.
00:03:03Very well, then.
00:03:09Yo.
00:03:10Yo.
00:03:11Wait.
00:03:12There's no time to explain,
00:03:13but I need you to get everyone to the house now.
00:03:15It's an emergency.
00:03:24What?
00:03:42All right, class.
00:03:43If Aaron beats this level without losing,
00:03:45no homework for a week.
00:03:46Yo, don't blow this for us, Aaron.
00:03:47Oh, shut up.
00:03:51What's up?
00:03:52Yo, dude.
00:03:53Zan just hit me.
00:03:54He said he needs all of us at the house ASAP rocky.
00:03:56Sounds like a huge deal.
00:03:58An HD?
00:03:59Yeah, like a 4K HD.
00:04:02Holy cannoli.
00:04:03That's quite the Leland Sitch.
00:04:05Yeah, man, like a Sabrina the Teenage Sitch.
00:04:08And that's on gang?
00:04:09Yeah, that's on our Lord and Savior, Jesus H. Christ.
00:04:12Good God.
00:04:13Oh, one sec.
00:04:14Dunkin's calling.
00:04:16Dunk, you're on with Wade.
00:04:17Wade, I just got your text.
00:04:18What the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on, dude?
00:04:20Is it actually a 4K HD?
00:04:21From what Zan was saying, sounds like it might be an 8K.
00:04:258K?
00:04:26Are you cranking my shaft, dude?
00:04:28What, is he dying or something?
00:04:31Hold on.
00:04:32Johnny's calling me.
00:04:33Hang up. Hang up.
00:04:34Deny it.
00:04:35Deny it.
00:04:36Yo, I think you just accidentally denied my call.
00:04:37Johnny, it wasn't an accident.
00:04:39I don't have time to explain, but we need to get to Zan's
00:04:41immediately.
00:04:42Wait.
00:04:43What is going on?
00:04:44I told you to grab the crossbow.
00:04:45We don't have a crossbow.
00:04:47The last time Zan assembled the squad on some emergency
00:04:49situation-type vibes was back in 08 when a bunch of randos
00:04:52showed up at Lexi's party, and Zan almost knocked Mike Schaefer.
00:04:55So, yeah, you could say I'm prepared for battle right now.
00:04:57Bryce, what's going on?
00:04:58I think Zan has ass cancer.
00:05:00What?
00:05:01Don't say that.
00:05:02That is not funny.
00:05:03I mean, he might.
00:05:04Dude, shut the f-ck up, Bryce.
00:05:05You shut the f-ck up.
00:05:06Hold me back.
00:05:07You want to do this right now?
00:05:08Hold me back.
00:05:09I have a literal bath, dude.
00:05:10I will kill you.
00:05:11No lessons.
00:05:12No lessons.
00:05:13So I don't know what's going on right now,
00:05:14but the vibe is high-key stressful.
00:05:15All of my serotonin got replaced by straight-up anxiety, bro.
00:05:18It's a ride, bro.
00:05:22Is that guy revving at us?
00:05:25Who's that?
00:05:27Uh-oh.
00:05:30God damn it!
00:05:32I don't like this, guys.
00:05:33Am I going to have to knock this truck?
00:05:41Check it out!
00:05:43Wait, wait.
00:05:44Is that what this is all about?
00:05:46Yeah!
00:05:48Yeah!
00:05:49Yes!
00:05:50That son of a b-tch!
00:05:53Dude!
00:05:54New truck, baby!
00:05:56Dude, lately, Molly and I have been on really bad terms,
00:05:59and I've been feeling super down.
00:06:01So I thought, what better way to solve this relationship issue
00:06:04than with a brand-new truck?
00:06:06Did you know about this?
00:06:07Nope.
00:06:08Dude, this looks so expensive.
00:06:10Dude, it was.
00:06:11Guys, we had to empty out the savings real quick.
00:06:13Oh, let's go.
00:06:14That's so tight.
00:06:15That's so tight.
00:06:16Look at the lift on this puppy.
00:06:18This is noticeably bigger than the whole thing.
00:06:20Dude, keep the specs on these handles.
00:06:22Hell yeah, Xander.
00:06:23Sick truck.
00:06:24Thank you, Danni.
00:06:25Straight up.
00:06:26Appreciate you.
00:06:27Yeah, thank you, Danni.
00:06:28Oh.
00:06:29Xan, can I call you for a chat?
00:06:33Xander has always had a habit of making
00:06:35really impulsive purchases without telling me.
00:06:37And I'm not talking casual things.
00:06:39I'm talking huge tattoos.
00:06:40Oh, my God!
00:06:41A motorcycle.
00:06:42A parabolic microphone.
00:06:44And now this truck that looks exactly like his old truck?
00:06:48We've had so many conversations about it
00:06:50that this is just starting to feel like the last straw.
00:06:55What's up?
00:06:56What's up?
00:06:57You didn't think to tell me that you just
00:06:58emptied our entire savings account
00:07:00to buy yourself a new truck?
00:07:02I didn't empty the entire savings.
00:07:04There's still like $500 in there.
00:07:05Xander, that is so whack.
00:07:07I did this for us.
00:07:09No, you did this for you.
00:07:11And now I'm about to do something for me.
00:07:16Molly, I swear to God, if you take that ring off right now,
00:07:19Molly.
00:07:20Yo!
00:07:22Check this out.
00:07:23This is big.
00:07:25What is it?
00:07:26Just found this in the mailbox.
00:07:27You are cordially invited to the See Me High 10-year reunion.
00:07:33No way!
00:07:34Hey!
00:07:35Hi!
00:07:36Hi!
00:07:37Hi!
00:07:38Hi!
00:07:39Hi!
00:07:40Hi!
00:07:42I'm straight up over the moon right now, dude.
00:07:44Like, I've been waiting for this day
00:07:45since we graduated high school.
00:07:46I totally thought they were going to cancel it
00:07:48because of the pandy.
00:07:49Remember the pandy?
00:07:50Dude, the pandy was so randy.
00:07:51Feel like it's not that chill to call it the pandy?
00:07:55Yo, it's only three weeks away.
00:07:56Do you ever check your mail?
00:07:57Dude, honestly, I didn't even know we still got mail.
00:07:59Yo, but I'm so pumped for the reunion!
00:08:01Yeah!
00:08:02Yeah!
00:08:03I'm not pumped for the reunion at all.
00:08:06I just lied to every single person's face in that driveway.
00:08:09In reality, I've low-key been stressing this day for years.
00:08:12All my friends were in the class of O10
00:08:14since everyone my year f***ing sucked,
00:08:15and I didn't technically graduate till a couple years later,
00:08:18but I need to make sure I get an invite somehow.
00:08:21We're gonna go get some kickback stuff.
00:08:22We'll be right back.
00:08:23Love you.
00:08:24Love you so much.
00:08:25Obviously, Molly and I were on the precipice
00:08:28of potentially ending our marriage for good,
00:08:31but after getting such joyous news,
00:08:33we've just decided to put all that on hold,
00:08:35ride this high,
00:08:36and have a celebratory kickback at the pad
00:08:38despite it being 11.40 a.m. on a Wednesday.
00:08:48Is he gonna hit that?
00:08:49We'll be right back, dude.
00:08:51There's a little bit of a learning curve with this.
00:08:53He'll get there.
00:08:56Go, dude!
00:08:58Go!
00:08:59We're about to show up
00:09:01and flex so hard on all these fools.
00:09:03Dude, facts.
00:09:04This is, like, the day we've all been waiting for,
00:09:06like, our whole lives, honestly.
00:09:08If I could say so, I feel elated.
00:09:10Look at my hand.
00:09:12That's how elated I am.
00:09:13I'm shaking, bro.
00:09:14Wow, dude.
00:09:15Dude, right? I feel elated, too.
00:09:18Yeah, Dunk?
00:09:19You elated?
00:09:20Yeah, obviously.
00:09:23Really, Duncan?
00:09:25You're elated?
00:09:26I just said I was elated,
00:09:28and now you're suddenly feeling elated as well?
00:09:30I feel giddy AF right now, bro.
00:09:33Yeah?
00:09:34Even though you're dating Danny and Tessa,
00:09:36but at the end of the day,
00:09:37you've got to pick one for the reunion,
00:09:39which means the other one's just gonna be mad pissed.
00:09:41They're probably both gonna be super pissed at you.
00:09:43Damn, dude.
00:09:45It's not like I was planning on dating Danny and Tessa
00:09:48at the same time.
00:09:49Should I have said no to one of them
00:09:51when they both asked to get back together at Zan's wedding?
00:09:53Maybe we should give it another shot?
00:09:55Yeah, I'm down.
00:09:56Would you be willing to put the past behind us
00:09:58and give this another shot?
00:09:59100%.
00:10:00Yeah, I probably should have.
00:10:02Probs.
00:10:03But it's a wedding.
00:10:04Like, I was so fired up on love,
00:10:06I was torqued on love, dude.
00:10:08You know who else isn't hyped?
00:10:09Whed.
00:10:10What?
00:10:11Dude, I am hyped. I'm so hyped.
00:10:12You're not even invited.
00:10:13All right, Bryce, chill out, dude.
00:10:15Zan, this truck is so lifted, bro.
00:10:17I feel so high above the ground.
00:10:18I know, right?
00:10:19Can you imagine a more lifted truck?
00:10:21I can't.
00:10:22Dude, I know.
00:10:23I feel so high, too,
00:10:24which I'm, like, very familiar with that feeling.
00:10:26So in the past, you know, I've gotten a lot of heat
00:10:29for quote, unquote, not burning,
00:10:31which is crazy,
00:10:32because, like, I'm, like, the biggest stoner in the world.
00:10:34If I had to name all the ways I get high on the regular,
00:10:38bong, peace, bubbler, gravity bomb.
00:10:43Let's talk about this monster fridge in the center.
00:10:45Are you JK-ing me right now?
00:10:47Are you JK-rolling me?
00:10:48Pretty sick, huh?
00:10:49Yeah, that's a nice touch.
00:10:50Dude, you are definitely gonna take home
00:10:52the Truck of the Year trophy.
00:10:54Every year at the Simi High 10-year reunion,
00:10:57they give the person with the dopest truck
00:10:59the Truck of the Year prize.
00:11:01It's a BFD.
00:11:03My dad won it at his reunion.
00:11:05His dad won it at his reunion.
00:11:07I'd be lying if I said winning that trophy
00:11:10hasn't always been a dream of mine.
00:11:12I don't want to jinx it, but with this new BBT,
00:11:17this big black truck,
00:11:19I 100% have this thing in the back.
00:11:22Yo, peep this custom horn I recorded.
00:11:24Boom, bitch!
00:11:26Truck of the Year coming through!
00:11:28Oh, yeah!
00:11:38Oh, my God, look at this truck.
00:11:40Dude, is that even street legal?
00:11:42It's gotta be a professional dirt bike here, right?
00:11:44Okay.
00:11:48Zan?
00:11:50Jathu?
00:11:52Rocco Zamboni?
00:11:53Slap my ass and call me a bad boy.
00:11:55Is that Bryce Meyer?
00:11:57What is up, boys?
00:11:58What up?
00:11:59Dude, what's so sick about Simi
00:12:01is that it's so small,
00:12:02you can just run into people from your high school
00:12:04when you least expect it.
00:12:05Jathu S. and his squad were the baseball bros in our class,
00:12:08and we had an alliance in case something ever went down
00:12:10with the football bros or the field hockey girls.
00:12:13Solid B-team.
00:12:14Seems like they're doing pretty well now, though,
00:12:16which is dope.
00:12:18You know, and I don't necessarily think
00:12:20his truck is better than mine.
00:12:22It's just different.
00:12:24They're both sick trucks.
00:12:26Yo, I saw on IG you guys have been killing it
00:12:28in the real estate game.
00:12:29Yeah, we're high-key slinging pads these days.
00:12:31Hey, where you fools headed with all this stuff?
00:12:34Uh, dude, we're coming back from Tahoe.
00:12:36Gordon's got a place up there.
00:12:38We took the jet skis out, split a quad of shrooms,
00:12:40got some sick, epic drone footage,
00:12:42jumped in the hot springs.
00:12:43So sick.
00:12:44That's, like, the sickest sentence
00:12:45I've ever heard in my life.
00:12:46But, yo, we're about to head up to Jathu's crib
00:12:48to celebrate the reunion.
00:12:49You guys should cruise.
00:12:50Let's black out.
00:12:51Oh, you guys are cruising to the reunion?
00:12:53Yeah, dog, of course.
00:12:54Uh-oh.
00:12:55Coming for that truck of the year trophy.
00:12:56Ah!
00:12:59That's dope, dude.
00:13:01That's super dope.
00:13:03Gee whiz is that sick.
00:13:06Yo, did you just say gee whiz?
00:13:08I know Xander's trying to be chill right now
00:13:09because Jathu just pulled up in, like, an absolute rig.
00:13:12But as soon as he said gee whiz?
00:13:14Gee whiz is that sick.
00:13:16I knew that fool was flustered.
00:13:18Not going to lie, I'm pretty flustered myself.
00:13:20You know, that sounds chill, but we're actually
00:13:22having a low-key kicker at our pad,
00:13:23so we can't cruise to yours.
00:13:25Thanks, though.
00:13:26Oh, just pull up, man.
00:13:27It's right up the street.
00:13:28Besides, the squad would love to see the Simi legends.
00:13:31I mean, we are legends.
00:13:32We are legends.
00:13:33Just got a good-ass point.
00:13:35All right, yeah, we'll cruise through for, like,
00:13:375 to 10.
00:13:38Nice!
00:13:39Yeah.
00:13:40Let's go!
00:13:41All right, follow me, all right?
00:13:42Yeah.
00:13:43Woo!
00:13:54I wonder what the boys are up to.
00:13:56What's taking them so long?
00:13:57Probably just whacking off to Xander's truck
00:14:00and talking about how sick it's going to be
00:14:02when we pull up to the reunion in Xander's truck
00:14:04because that's the only thing he cares about is his truck.
00:14:07And that's it.
00:14:17Are you good?
00:14:19I mean, I guess this whole reunion thing
00:14:20just has me thinking, like,
00:14:22like, what's my truck, you know?
00:14:24You have that little Tacoma, though, right?
00:14:27Not literally, Johnny.
00:14:28Idiot.
00:14:29Like, metaphorically.
00:14:31Who cares?
00:14:32We were dope then.
00:14:33We're even doper now.
00:14:35Seriously.
00:14:36Yeah, we had the sickest squad in high school by far.
00:14:38Exactly.
00:14:39And as someone who's been getting
00:14:40really into manifestation lately,
00:14:42I think it could be really good for you malls.
00:14:45Think about it.
00:14:46My Taylor Swift heiress tour floor seats,
00:14:49I thought of them,
00:14:50I sent the ticket link to my mom,
00:14:53I got the tickets.
00:14:54I manifested that.
00:14:56Oh, really, Dani?
00:14:58Did you manifest all of your things?
00:15:00Are we just gonna pretend that your grandpa
00:15:02isn't the inventor of the wall mount
00:15:04and your family's not worth $50 million?
00:15:07I swear to God,
00:15:09if this bitch says one more word about manifestation,
00:15:13I will straight-up choke her out.
00:15:15That is so true.
00:15:16Manifestation's, like, a really helpful tool.
00:15:18So, Dani, we finally gonna meet
00:15:20your secret lover boy at the reunion?
00:15:22Oh.
00:15:23Tessa, um,
00:15:26I guess it could be a good time.
00:15:28What about you, Tessa?
00:15:29We haven't met your man, either.
00:15:31Oh.
00:15:33Yeah.
00:15:34Maybe we should not do that for the reunion, though.
00:15:36Maybe that's definitely not the move
00:15:38for the reunion, for sure.
00:15:39And that, and we all agree?
00:15:41Hey, Johnny.
00:15:42Can I pull you for a chat?
00:15:44Mm-hmm.
00:15:45Good.
00:15:47I know it's none of my business,
00:15:48but you need to get it together.
00:15:50What are you talking about?
00:15:51The last three date nights with me and Duncan,
00:15:53he said to leave early
00:15:55because you've been messing things up at the shop.
00:15:57Like, what could you be messing up so bad
00:15:59at midnight?
00:16:01Uh...
00:16:02I want to have Duncan's back and stuff,
00:16:04but he's come up with this slanderous narrative
00:16:06that I'm bad at my job to use as an excuse
00:16:08of why he's always, like, with the other girl.
00:16:11Bro, I'm starting to hurricane harbor
00:16:13some resentful energies, I'm not gonna lie.
00:16:15But at the same time,
00:16:17I gotta hold it down for my boy.
00:16:18Now I remember.
00:16:19I do mess things up every night.
00:16:21Oh, really?
00:16:22Around 11.30, I start messing things up.
00:16:24Figure it out.
00:16:26Because I'd hate for things to have to get physical.
00:16:28Me, too.
00:16:31Bro, I barely even flinched, bro.
00:16:33Like, I was honestly flinching about something else
00:16:35that I was remembering, like, a scary thing in the moment.
00:16:38I'd knock Danny.
00:16:39Easy.
00:16:40Johnny.
00:16:41Yeah?
00:16:42Can I pull you?
00:16:43For sure.
00:16:44Tessa, on the other hand...
00:16:48I worry about Tessa.
00:16:53And this is the backyard.
00:16:54Oh, my God, dude.
00:16:56I can't believe this is your pad.
00:16:58Yo, dude, they have Franco's Tacos catering here.
00:17:00That's such a flex.
00:17:01Man, look who it is.
00:17:04Dan!
00:17:05What's Gucci?
00:17:07Here, have a nice cold beer.
00:17:09Whoa.
00:17:10Okay.
00:17:11Oh, my God, they're so cold.
00:17:13Oh, my God, it's been so long.
00:17:15For sure, yeah.
00:17:17Um...
00:17:18I'm sorry, do I know you from somewhere?
00:17:21Who the f*** are you?
00:17:23Really?
00:17:25It's Agora.
00:17:27Hills.
00:17:28Oh, my God, from high school.
00:17:29Yes!
00:17:30What's up?
00:17:31You'll meet S now.
00:17:32Agora Hills.
00:17:33Oh, snap.
00:17:34Yeah.
00:17:35Congratulations.
00:17:36Yeah, thank you.
00:17:37Damn, you look so, um...
00:17:40Like, so much less fat than you did in high school.
00:17:42Right?
00:17:43Seriously, I was just thinking that.
00:17:44Yeah.
00:17:45Well, I got my nose done.
00:17:46And lip filler.
00:17:47Oh, word, yeah.
00:17:48And my ass.
00:17:49Oh, cool, yeah.
00:17:50That looks super good.
00:17:53Sick, right?
00:17:54Look at my wife's ass, dude.
00:17:55Yeah.
00:17:56No, it looks...
00:17:57For sure, I'm looking at it.
00:17:58Yeah, cheers.
00:17:59It looks great.
00:18:00Will you take me to homecoming now?
00:18:02Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:18:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:18:07Like, um...
00:18:08Take me to homecoming now.
00:18:11Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:18:13Is she still pissed about it?
00:18:15No, no, no.
00:18:16Agora Hills.
00:18:18Damn, totally forgot I was about to ask her
00:18:20to homecoming sophomore year
00:18:22until I saw Molly crank that soldier boy
00:18:24at Quinoa's Quinceanera.
00:18:26Couldn't help but look at her like,
00:18:28damn, like, what else can she crank?
00:18:32But, yeah, it seems like their whole squad
00:18:34is really glowed up.
00:18:35Yo, Wade.
00:18:36What up, dude?
00:18:37JP.
00:18:38What's up, dude?
00:18:39My guy.
00:18:40How you been, man?
00:18:41Good, dude.
00:18:42Good.
00:18:43Dude, you want an edible?
00:18:44Yeah.
00:18:45Yes, let me have one of those.
00:18:46For sure.
00:18:47Oh, wow, look at that thing.
00:18:49Oh, strong.
00:18:50Strong.
00:18:51Yeah, dude, it's dank.
00:18:52Tastes like gasoline.
00:18:53Cool.
00:18:54Thanks, man.
00:18:55For sure, dude.
00:18:56Yeah.
00:18:57Appreciate that.
00:18:58You gonna eat it, or?
00:19:00Oh, uh, yeah, yeah.
00:19:02Probably, yeah, in an hour I will, probably.
00:19:04Because I don't want to be faded right now.
00:19:06But, like, I'm down to be faded in an hour, probably.
00:19:08Oh, well, dude, it takes, like, an hour to kick in.
00:19:10So if you eat it now, it's perfect.
00:19:12Oh, what did I say?
00:19:13I said an hour?
00:19:14Yeah.
00:19:15Oh, I meant two hours.
00:19:16So I'll probably eat it in an hour.
00:19:17Oh.
00:19:18Sorry, I'm all jumbled up.
00:19:19Daylight savings, you know?
00:19:20It was a stupid question.
00:19:21Yeah.
00:19:22That plan's insane.
00:19:24So where's Molly?
00:19:25Did you guys break up?
00:19:26Oh, no, no.
00:19:27She's just back at the house.
00:19:29Probably pretty pissed, actually,
00:19:30since we just, like, came here
00:19:31and didn't, like, give him the heads up or anything.
00:19:34That's pretty lame.
00:19:35Wait, does Molly have any passions?
00:19:38Uh, not particularly, no.
00:19:42Perfect.
00:19:43I'm gonna hit her up.
00:19:45Or we should go on a double date to that hot new spot.
00:19:47Oh, that hot new spot is so fire.
00:19:49So fire.
00:19:50So fire.
00:19:51So fire.
00:19:52Oh.
00:19:53You been?
00:19:54Matthew, of course he's been.
00:19:55It's Zan, CB Valley top dog.
00:19:57Of course.
00:19:58He could have invited anyone to homecoming,
00:19:59and he brought Molly.
00:20:01Money, money, money all the time.
00:20:05What I'm thinking about?
00:20:06Bitches on my mind.
00:20:07So these are my girlfriends, Topanga, Ventura.
00:20:10I love them both.
00:20:11And that's my homie, Sean.
00:20:13What up?
00:20:14Oh, damn.
00:20:16Dude, you're Sean White.
00:20:18Yeah, man.
00:20:19What are you even doing here?
00:20:22What am I doing here?
00:20:23I can't just be here?
00:20:25You can, but, like, it's just crazy seeing you and see me.
00:20:30Why is it crazy that I'm just here
00:20:33sipping Shirley T's, my drink of choice,
00:20:35just hanging with my buds?
00:20:38What's crazy about that?
00:20:39No, no, it's totally cool that you're, like,
00:20:41sipping the Shirley T's and whatever.
00:20:42I think it just more so means it's
00:20:44super random that you're here.
00:20:45Yeah.
00:20:46I don't think it's random.
00:20:49It's random.
00:20:51OK, anyway, circling back.
00:20:52Hey, Braco, you said that, uh, so both of these girls
00:20:56are your girlfriends?
00:20:58Yeah.
00:20:59And you guys are all, like, totally cool with that?
00:21:02Yeah.
00:21:03I think it'd be pretty weird if he was dating both of us
00:21:06and we just didn't know.
00:21:07Yeah, like, morally, that'd be, like, really messed up.
00:21:10It's like that movie, Savages, except I'm
00:21:12the Blake Lively character.
00:21:14Have you seen the movie, Savages?
00:21:15Yeah.
00:21:16Yeah, it's like that.
00:21:18Yo, just out of curiosity, uh, like,
00:21:22what are you benching these days?
00:21:23I'm mostly into calisthenics now, bro.
00:21:25But, uh, last I checked, probably, like, 350.
00:21:30350?
00:21:32That's not bad.
00:21:33How much do you bench, man?
00:21:35Been a hot man, for sure.
00:21:37But, um, I'd say probably 500.
00:21:42Last?
00:21:43Yeah.
00:21:44You ever get into Muay Thai?
00:21:45Muay Thai?
00:21:46Nah, it's way too spicy for me.
00:21:48I do like sushi, though.
00:21:51That reminds me, bro, your truck is, uh, pretty tricked.
00:21:54Was that pricey?
00:21:55No idea.
00:21:56Gore got it for me.
00:21:57I mean, it came with, you know, the lift
00:21:59and, like, the bright baby blue.
00:22:00But, uh, I added the subs.
00:22:04But it's probably, like, a gas guzzler and a half, though,
00:22:07right?
00:22:08Nah, it's actually a hybrid, so it's pretty chill.
00:22:11No way.
00:22:12Indica or Sativa Dominant?
00:22:14No, like, it only takes half gas.
00:22:18You're telling me your truck runs on mid-kush?
00:22:22You guys are funny.
00:22:24Who's this little guy?
00:22:25Hey, bud.
00:22:26I like your shirt.
00:22:30OK, I'll just go fuck myself, then.
00:22:33Oh, dang.
00:22:35What did he say?
00:22:36What's he say?
00:22:37You didn't have to do him like that.
00:22:38No, what'd he say?
00:22:39That was so savage.
00:22:40What's up with your dog, fool?
00:22:41Trying to start some shit, or what?
00:22:42I don't think he's the one starting some shit.
00:22:45But he might be the one finishing some shit.
00:22:47Oh, yeah?
00:22:48You don't want this, bro.
00:22:49Trust me.
00:22:50I should have beat the fuck out of your dog, bro.
00:22:52He will tear you apart, bud.
00:22:54I'll take his leash around, swing him, helicopter,
00:22:56throw him.
00:22:57Hey, hey, hey, he ain't worth it.
00:22:59You want to go for a walk?
00:23:00Dude, can't say WLK.
00:23:03Now I have to take him.
00:23:06Just took him.
00:23:07Matter of fact, hey, why don't you give him a treat?
00:23:09Ah, damn it.
00:23:10Yo, Bryce, let's dip, dude.
00:23:11Sorry about that, bro.
00:23:12No, no, for sure.
00:23:13All good.
00:23:14No worries, dude.
00:23:15I'll see you guys at the reunion.
00:23:17Yeah, I guess you will.
00:23:24About time.
00:23:26Wait, where's the kickback stuff?
00:23:28We forgot it.
00:23:29How?
00:23:30You were gone for like two hours.
00:23:32Well, we forgot it.
00:23:33OK, Lexi?
00:23:36Wait, what the hell is going on?
00:23:38What the hell is going on?
00:23:40Yo, the comeback squad.
00:23:43Hello?
00:23:44What happened?
00:23:45You want to know what happened?
00:23:46We're not that sick is what happened.
00:23:48What?
00:23:49Yes, we are.
00:23:50I was just telling them we're about to go to the reunion.
00:23:51We're going to go to the reunion.
00:23:52We're going to stun on fools.
00:23:53We're going to flex on fools and look dope.
00:23:54Not going to happen like that.
00:23:55We shouldn't even go.
00:23:56OK, we have to go.
00:23:57I am not missing it.
00:23:59The baseball bros are sicker than us now.
00:24:02What?
00:24:03Like Jaffe U.S. in them?
00:24:05Bro, that's a physical impossibility.
00:24:07The baseball dudes are way less sick than us in high school.
00:24:09Yeah, well, not anymore, Johnny.
00:24:12Before our run-in with Jaffe U's squad,
00:24:15we were super stoked for the reunion.
00:24:17And also just like overall very content with our lives.
00:24:21But now I realize we're not even close to living the kind of lives
00:24:25that look sick online.
00:24:27Like I didn't even know about the hot new spot.
00:24:29Look, guys, I know we're on some seriously insecure vibes
00:24:33about some things that are quite frankly completely out of our control.
00:24:36All right, I think the only thing we can do right now,
00:24:40realistically,
00:24:42is spend every waking moment between now and the reunion
00:24:46making sure we look as sick as possible.
00:24:49Hell yeah!
00:24:50Yes!
00:24:51Hell yeah!
00:24:52Yes!
00:24:57Oh, oh, oh, oh!
00:24:59Oh, God.
00:25:00Zander?
00:25:01Oh.
00:25:02Oh, yeah.
00:25:04Zander.
00:25:05I said I'll take care of it tomorrow.
00:25:07It is tomorrow.
00:25:08Oh, yeah.
00:25:09Zander.
00:25:10Okay, okay, okay.
00:25:11This sucks.
00:25:12Come on.
00:25:13At the end of last season,
00:25:14Wade said he needed somewhere to stay for a couple weeks.
00:25:17And we totally believed him on that timeline.
00:25:19But it's been like a couple of years now,
00:25:22and he seems to just be getting more and more comfortable.
00:25:26Oh, wow.
00:25:28Yo.
00:25:29Yo, Zan.
00:25:31Are you trying to get in on the cold punch grind, man?
00:25:33Yo, dude, I'm just trying to sleep low-key.
00:25:37You guys still sleeping in super late?
00:25:39I mean, it's like 5, dude.
00:25:43Yo, but Molly and I were talking, and, um...
00:25:45This is the hardest part.
00:25:46Right here, before you go numb.
00:25:48Right, yeah.
00:25:50But I was wondering if you've, like, I don't know,
00:25:53been looking for places or taking any steps, like,
00:25:56in that direction, or...
00:25:57Oh, fuck it, I got a bale.
00:25:58Can you hand me the towel right there?
00:26:00Yeah, but after I hand you the towel, could we...
00:26:02Zan, the towel, man. My dick's going in, man.
00:26:04I can feel it going in.
00:26:05Look, at heart, I'm an artist.
00:26:07Everyone knows that.
00:26:09But I don't know, man.
00:26:10Lately, I've just been focusing on optimizing my lifestyle,
00:26:13which all starts with a morning routine.
00:26:15Let me educate you.
00:26:17Wake up at 4.20 a.m.
00:26:19and just get ready to penetrate the day.
00:26:21Measure out exactly 18 grams of coffee beans,
00:26:24brew them, film myself getting a little cold plunge in,
00:26:27list out my yearly goals,
00:26:29followed by a 45-minute meditation
00:26:31in the middle of the living room.
00:26:33After that, I'll knock out some work if I have time.
00:26:36And then the second half of my day
00:26:38mostly consists of doing yoga
00:26:40and listening to podcasts
00:26:41where white guys with rich dads give life advice.
00:26:43Drinking your own piss is hands down
00:26:45the best way to retain your own nutrients.
00:26:48I haven't eaten all week. I'm just recycling.
00:26:50I will easily live to be about 200.
00:26:53Yeah, dude, like, I'm glad you're on your routine and all that,
00:26:56but I just feel like it's not actually making you any money, you know,
00:26:59or getting you any closer to actually moving out of the house.
00:27:02Listen, Zan, I hear you,
00:27:04but I just can't help but feel what you're saying to me right now
00:27:07is a projection of your own insecurities
00:27:09because you no longer have the wettest truck in Simi.
00:27:12Damn, I was pretty sure that wasn't at all my intention
00:27:15for starting this conversation.
00:27:17But after Wade brought it up, I was like,
00:27:19maybe I do have an ulterior motive.
00:27:22Usually when I'm feeling insecure, I can remind myself, like,
00:27:25at least I have a bigger truck than that fool.
00:27:27But I don't right now.
00:27:29It has me feeling like I might have to get unnaturally jacked
00:27:32in order to be sicker than Jathi at the reunion,
00:27:35especially since Wade isn't even gonna be there.
00:27:37Dude, I'm gonna be there.
00:27:39You're not even in the class of 2010, though.
00:27:41I'll just be someone's plus one.
00:27:43Pretty sure you can't be someone's plus one
00:27:45unless it's a significant other.
00:27:47Well, how would they even prove you're someone's sig?
00:27:49Think you have to suck face at the door when prompted.
00:27:51What? Fine, I'll just go with Lexi, then.
00:27:54That'd be sick.
00:27:56Lexi and I are, like, low-key star-crossed lovers.
00:27:59Our timing has just never really been right.
00:28:01I really thought I was gonna go down in Cabo
00:28:03at Zahn's boster party, but...
00:28:05Lexi?
00:28:07I don't know, people from our past just keep cock-blocking us
00:28:09at, like, the least opportune moments.
00:28:11I've been responding to all of her stories with a fire emoji, though,
00:28:14so I think it's only a matter of time.
00:28:16It is only a matter of time, and I agree.
00:28:19You should start hooking up with Lexi
00:28:21for the sole purpose of securing a reunion invite.
00:28:23Well, no, I...
00:28:25Dude, that's what's up.
00:28:27And by the time she realizes your whole evil plan,
00:28:29you'll already have attended the reunion, so it won't even matter.
00:28:31Yeah, dude, but I actually kind of like her.
00:28:33Anyways, back to me.
00:28:35All this talk about the reunion has given me clarity.
00:28:37I know what I need to do to secure my sickness.
00:28:40And that's get the biggest truck in all of Simi.
00:28:43Holy shit.
00:28:45That's genius!
00:28:47Yeah. And I'm gonna be the most jacked.
00:28:49Dude, I can train you.
00:28:51You should hop on my morning routine grind.
00:28:53Oh, dude, that'd be so helpful.
00:28:55Oh, wait, shoot.
00:28:57What?
00:28:59You said I had to move out. Bummer.
00:29:01Wait, hey, forget that.
00:29:03You're staying.
00:29:05You mean it?
00:29:07Oh, sick! Yes!
00:29:09Dude, it's gonna be awesome.
00:29:11Obviously, I had dreams to come to the reunion as a pro skater.
00:29:13I mean, I was raw as fuck in high school.
00:29:15I'm just too injury-prone.
00:29:17But that's not really something I talk about.
00:29:19I like to keep that at the deepest parts of my heart.
00:29:21Yo, what up, Mr. Meyer?
00:29:23What's up, G?
00:29:25But yeah, I've been a lit teacher at Simi High for the past year.
00:29:27And recently, you know, my ego has just been in full-blown spiral mode.
00:29:29So I think it's time for me to go back to my roots.
00:29:31I'm gonna be the most jacked.
00:29:33I know what I need to do to secure my sickness.
00:29:35And that's get the biggest truck in all of Simi.
00:29:37Holy shit.
00:29:39Yeah, I'm in spiral mode.
00:29:41So I think it's time for that promotion.
00:29:43Knock, knock.
00:29:45Oh, you're just gonna walk right in, huh?
00:29:47Yeah, what up, Ms. B?
00:29:49Good morning, Bryce.
00:29:51What's up?
00:29:53Got you an apple.
00:29:55Oh, thank you.
00:29:57Seems like this one has a hole in it.
00:29:59Yeah, I smoked out of it earlier, so...
00:30:05So what'd you want to talk about, Bryce?
00:30:07You know, I've been here, I've been killing it.
00:30:09Yeah, I was thinking about, like, a promotion.
00:30:11You know?
00:30:13Yeah.
00:30:15That's not typically how we do promotions.
00:30:17But what'd you have in mind?
00:30:19What's, like, the position under your...
00:30:21Like, directly under your position?
00:30:23That would be vice principal.
00:30:25I'll take it.
00:30:27You wanna be vice principal?
00:30:29Yeah.
00:30:31Well, unfortunately, that position has been filled.
00:30:33By who?
00:30:35Janet.
00:30:37Yeah, is that a problem?
00:30:39Backstabbing bitch.
00:30:41Excuse me?
00:30:43Uh, I said that's tight. That's sick.
00:30:45Really?
00:30:47Yeah.
00:30:49Because it sounded like you said that backstabbing bitch.
00:30:51Nah, I didn't say that, actually.
00:30:53Uh, you're tripping, so I'm gonna take my pipe back,
00:30:55and I'll see ya.
00:30:57This is Stringbomb?
00:30:59Dude, she definitely only got the job
00:31:01because she has the most teachery-sounding name.
00:31:03And definitely super unproblematic
00:31:05singer-songwriter Chris Brown once said,
00:31:07these hoes ain't loyal.
00:31:09No.
00:31:11These hoes ain't loyal.
00:31:13And that was straight up written about Janet Stringbomb.
00:31:15Hey. Watch your back, Stringbomb.
00:31:19I'm not the kind of guy
00:31:21that just folds under pressure
00:31:23and goes out without a fight.
00:31:25So after hearing about Janet completely butt-ramming my mouth,
00:31:27I had to devise an incredibly sick plan.
00:31:29What's up, Bryce?
00:31:31Yeah.
00:31:33What's going on, dude?
00:31:35Are you struggling with, like, feelings of inadequacy
00:31:37leading up to the reunion, or what's up, bro?
00:31:39What? No, okay, long story short,
00:31:41that position, vice principal position,
00:31:43Miss Stringbomb snagged it.
00:31:45Out from under my nose, bro.
00:31:47And did she know that you wanted it, like, super badly?
00:31:49Like, you were working hard towards it?
00:31:51Not really, no.
00:31:53But, I mean, you have been working hard towards it.
00:31:55No, not at all.
00:31:57But she knew, like, deep down you really wanted it,
00:31:59did you express that to her yet?
00:32:01No, I just found out about it today, the positions.
00:32:03Oh, damn, bro, wow.
00:32:05Yeah, okay, that makes it, like, harder to empathize with you
00:32:07over this, but it's...
00:32:09Look, dude, we have to organize a boycott, okay?
00:32:11We have to tell the entire school,
00:32:13especially Miss Stringbomb,
00:32:15that if she doesn't step down from this VP position,
00:32:17none of us are coming to class next year.
00:32:21I mean, we're seniors, so, like,
00:32:23we're gonna graduate and go to college and shit.
00:32:25We're not coming back next year.
00:32:27Are you joking?
00:32:29What do you mean?
00:32:31I'm going to Simi State, he's going to U of Simi.
00:32:33But we're gonna see each other on the weekends, you know,
00:32:35try to make it work long distance.
00:32:37I'm not worried at all.
00:32:39Don't you remember we asked you for those letters of recommendation,
00:32:41like, months ago?
00:32:43Yeah, and I said, "[bleep], college, you don't need it,"
00:32:45and we all laughed.
00:32:47Yeah, we thought you were kidding.
00:32:49Did you not write those letters?
00:32:51Those were important.
00:32:53So you guys are betraying me?
00:32:55I mean, well, we're not gonna, like, sabotage our futures
00:32:57just to kick with you at high school.
00:32:59Wow. After everything I've taught you,
00:33:01this is how you repay me?
00:33:03Well, I guess it's gonna be pretty hard to get into college
00:33:05when you both are failing this class.
00:33:07Yeah, but we're not failing this class.
00:33:09We both have As.
00:33:11Hmm.
00:33:13Weird, it doesn't look like that on my end.
00:33:15Let's take a look at this.
00:33:19Dude, that's illegal.
00:33:21Listen to me.
00:33:23I will not hesitate to do everything in my power
00:33:25to make sure neither of you reach your full potential
00:33:27to make myself feel better.
00:33:29All right? You got that?
00:33:33Get the heck out of here.
00:33:35Out of my sight.
00:33:37What is that?
00:33:39Bye.
00:33:41What is that noise?
00:33:53Yo, Tuck.
00:33:55Uh, you gotta flip the hats around
00:33:57so the logo's facing out.
00:33:59Otherwise, how are people gonna know what's on the hat, you know?
00:34:01Oh, shit.
00:34:03Good call.
00:34:07So are you gonna do that right now?
00:34:09Can I be honest with you, Johnny?
00:34:11I kinda feel like you're micromanaging me right now.
00:34:13I am your manager.
00:34:15Tucker, out. Go hide. Seriously, get out of here.
00:34:17Yo, Dunkels. I don't have time for that.
00:34:19You got a few questions about this, uh...
00:34:21I have to make it look like I'm working really hard.
00:34:23Tessa's about to be here.
00:34:25Okay, but I was working really hard.
00:34:27Okay, well, not everything's about you.
00:34:29Danny. Hey.
00:34:31Everything was going according to plan, dude.
00:34:33Everything. I went on my 45-minute date with Danny.
00:34:35She drops me off.
00:34:37I run into DunkSurf,
00:34:39trying to get ready for my date with Tessa.
00:34:41And then Danny walks in two minutes
00:34:43before Tessa's supposed to show up.
00:34:45At this point, I just gotta hope Tessa gets into a car crash or something.
00:34:47Nothing fatal.
00:34:49But definitely something that'll slow her down.
00:34:51You, uh, you left your Savages DVD in the car, so...
00:34:53You should just hang on to it.
00:34:55You should check it out. It's actually pretty good.
00:34:57What's up, Johnny? Of course you're here, not doing shit.
00:34:59I was working pretty hard.
00:35:01Reworking?
00:35:03Then why are all those hats backwards?
00:35:05I leave for one hour, and everything goes so south.
00:35:07Pathetic.
00:35:09Look, I'm swamped right now.
00:35:11I would love to hang out, but I really can't.
00:35:13I have to get back to work.
00:35:15Okay.
00:35:17Hey, Danny.
00:35:19Tessa?
00:35:21What are you doing here?
00:35:23Um, I just needed to swing by
00:35:25and pick up...
00:35:27pick up some wax.
00:35:29Huh.
00:35:31Um, what about you? What are you doing here?
00:35:33Uh, I was just here because I was, uh...
00:35:35I was picking up some grip tape.
00:35:37Oh, word?
00:35:39You needed new grip tape?
00:35:41I was out.
00:35:43Well, we have grip tape
00:35:45and wax, so...
00:35:47Johnny, can you help them instead of...
00:35:49Yeah.
00:35:51Having both baes on either side of me
00:35:53in another extremely close call
00:35:55is really getting me to thinking that this is just not
00:35:57a sustainable situation.
00:35:59Like, it's not fair to them, but mostly
00:36:01it's not fair to me.
00:36:03I think it's about time I keep it real.
00:36:05Not now.
00:36:07But soon.
00:36:09Would you like to leave a tip?
00:36:1130%, 35%, or 40%?
00:36:13Couldn't risk either of them getting suspicious,
00:36:15so I actually just charged
00:36:17them both double.
00:36:19So can, um, can you approve these logos
00:36:21that Wade sent over for the drop?
00:36:23Dude, I do not have the bandwidth for that right now.
00:36:25Did you not see what just transpired?
00:36:27I've been pretty patient about doing all the work
00:36:29at the shop while Duncan fabricates
00:36:31an elaborate lie that I'm a bad employee
00:36:33to use as an alibi to cheat on both of his girlfriends.
00:36:35But enough is enough.
00:36:37Okay, Dunk.
00:36:39I'm just gonna vocalize
00:36:41a few words real quick.
00:36:43This is unsustainable, bro.
00:36:45Dani and Tess are the homies, you know?
00:36:47It's not fair to them.
00:36:49It's not fair to the shop.
00:36:51And most importantly, bruv,
00:36:53it's not fair to you.
00:36:55Wow.
00:36:57Thank you, dude.
00:36:59I care about you.
00:37:01Never thought of it like that.
00:37:03Um, hey, could you do me a favor real quick?
00:37:05Um, could you go f*** yourself?
00:37:07You have the nerve.
00:37:09You have the gall to come in here
00:37:11and gaslight me?
00:37:13Bro, I'm spitting facts.
00:37:15Dude, you're spitting fables.
00:37:17Do you know how much pressure I'm under right now?
00:37:19That's what I'm saying, though.
00:37:21Okay, well, you know what I'm saying?
00:37:23You, Johnny Johnny Mendez,
00:37:25are fired.
00:37:27♪♪♪
00:37:29♪♪♪
00:37:31♪♪♪
00:37:33♪♪♪
00:37:35♪♪♪
00:37:37♪♪♪
00:37:39♪♪♪
00:37:41Agora!
00:37:43Hey!
00:37:45What's up?
00:37:47Me and Agora were super close
00:37:49after we dissected a frog in Mr. Dalton's
00:37:51physiology class freshman year.
00:37:53But then Zan asked me to homecoming,
00:37:55and we just, like, kind of stopped talking.
00:37:57But then she texted me the other day that she ran into Zan,
00:37:59and she has a once-in-a-lifetime
00:38:01business opportunity.
00:38:03Lexi wanted to check it out, too.
00:38:05Not exactly sure why Wade is here, though.
00:38:07You look so...
00:38:09different.
00:38:11Thank you so much. Thank you.
00:38:13Yeah.
00:38:15You look so, like, the same.
00:38:17How are you? How's Wade?
00:38:19He's great, yeah. He's getting so old.
00:38:21They grow up so fast.
00:38:23I have no idea.
00:38:25He just, uh, he moved out of the house.
00:38:27It's just me and Zan there now.
00:38:29And Wade, I guess.
00:38:31Yeah, I'm just kind of between projects right now, so,
00:38:33you know, focusing on optimizing my daily routine,
00:38:35stuff like that.
00:38:37That's fun. So, what is this business opportunity?
00:38:39Because, you know, I've been really looking
00:38:41for my truck.
00:38:43Metaphorically.
00:38:45I feel that everybody
00:38:47deserves their truck.
00:38:49Metaphorically.
00:38:51How would you feel
00:38:53about getting into real
00:38:55estate?
00:38:57Um, yes, please. Yeah?
00:38:59Yeah. Okay, let's get right into it.
00:39:01So, do you own a real estate company or something?
00:39:03Something like that.
00:39:05What do you mean, something like that?
00:39:07Lexi, chill. They're doing this for us.
00:39:09I'll ask two questions, Molly.
00:39:11Basically, you pay a one-time membership
00:39:13fee every month of $5,000
00:39:15directly to me, and then
00:39:17you can get into our open house parties, events,
00:39:19you can be on our reality show.
00:39:21So, is it a one-time fee, or is it once
00:39:23every month? Exactly.
00:39:25Well, okay, you guys, the best part is
00:39:27that... Lexi.
00:39:29Hey. So, are you going to the
00:39:31reunion, or what's up? Yeah.
00:39:33That's sick, because I'm going to be there, too, so...
00:39:35I mean, I'm not, like, technically invited yet
00:39:37or whatever, but, like, there's got to be some way
00:39:39that I can go, right?
00:39:41Yeah. Sorry, Agora, what were you saying?
00:39:43That's okay. So, basically, like,
00:39:45the best part is you recruit
00:39:47people,
00:39:49and then you make commission
00:39:51off of everyone that they
00:39:53bring in. Like a
00:39:55funnel. Exactly. Like a funnel.
00:39:57Exactly. What is the commission on, though?
00:39:59Like, houses,
00:40:01mansions. Lately, we've been really
00:40:03into gentrification. Ooh.
00:40:05Brilliant. And I don't really like to
00:40:07say numbers, but I have
00:40:09been making between $240,000 and $250,000
00:40:11a year.
00:40:13So, $245,000 per year?
00:40:15I'm not really comfortable sharing
00:40:17numbers.
00:40:19So, what do you think?
00:40:21Are you in?
00:40:23Oh.
00:40:25We're in.
00:40:27Shake.
00:40:37Hector.
00:40:39F***ing knock, bro.
00:40:41Jeez. My bad, dawg.
00:40:43Are you doing something sketchy again?
00:40:45Yes. I've been looking for you, dawg.
00:40:47You went to the juice bar, like, five hours ago.
00:40:49Yeah. Well,
00:40:51I've been looking for something, Hector.
00:40:53Like what, huh?
00:40:55The biggest truck in all of Simi.
00:40:57Oh, shit, dawg.
00:40:59Yeah. And did you find it, or qué?
00:41:01You know, I found some options.
00:41:03I found some good stuff on, um,
00:41:05Google Images. Just need to make sure I can
00:41:07afford it. How we doing on business?
00:41:09Why you look like
00:41:11Just tell me something I don't want to hear.
00:41:13Tell me something good, man. Look, dawg, I hate to be the wolf
00:41:15of bad news, bro, but... Hold on.
00:41:17The what? The wolf of bad news?
00:41:19You know, like,
00:41:21like the bear of bad news, but a wolf instead?
00:41:23Because it's worse?
00:41:25Bro. No, it's the
00:41:27bear-er of bad news.
00:41:29It's not a bear of...
00:41:31Yeah, I don't think so, bro.
00:41:33But going back to the sales, sales are
00:41:35pretty down right now, dawg.
00:41:37What seems to be the ish?
00:41:39Honestly?
00:41:41I think the new truck nuts are a little too realistic, bro.
00:41:49We've been Simi Valley's number one truck nut installer
00:41:51for almost three years now.
00:41:53I thought it was crazy when we installed 300
00:41:55sacks. So to be sitting here telling you
00:41:57we've officially installed over
00:41:591,500 sacks is just nuts.
00:42:01Pun intended.
00:42:05But lately it's just kind of seeming like our nut tech
00:42:07has gotten a little
00:42:09too good.
00:42:11Um...
00:42:13Yeah, I don't see what the problem is.
00:42:15Those look just like my nuts.
00:42:19Yeah, dawg, I think
00:42:21that is the problem, you know?
00:42:23I don't think anybody wants to look at a realistic pair
00:42:25of nuts. Is it the ball hairs?
00:42:27I think it's the hairs, dawg, the flimsiness
00:42:29of it, the length.
00:42:31This one hangs a little lower than the right.
00:42:33Yeah, that's me. Remember, they made
00:42:35the cast with my nuts.
00:42:37It was a super awkward day in here, remember?
00:42:39They put my nuts in the molding.
00:42:41So I'm getting broke centimeter for centimeter.
00:42:43That is my nut sacking.
00:42:45I hear you, dawg. I hear you.
00:42:47Hector, keep your 100 with me.
00:42:49Does this mean I can't afford
00:42:51the biggest truck in all of Simi?
00:42:55Yeah, no, dawg.
00:43:01Seems like I'm pretty much facing
00:43:03the type of adversity known to man.
00:43:05But the thought of showing up to the reunion
00:43:07without the sickest truck has just been
00:43:09haunting my dreams.
00:43:11I just cannot allow that to happen.
00:43:13I will have the best truck
00:43:15at the Simi High tenure reunion
00:43:17when my name isn't
00:43:19Xander Hussein Sanders.
00:43:23The reunion is only
00:43:25two weeks away, so I thought
00:43:27the best way to figure out a game plan
00:43:29would be to invite the squad over
00:43:31for a kickback.
00:43:33But really, it's just a brainstorm session
00:43:35disguised.
00:43:37You got a real Daenerys Targaryen
00:43:39over here on the grill.
00:43:41Shut up, Bryce. Everyone likes a little char, dude.
00:43:43Zan, you're looking swole, bro.
00:43:45Oh, thanks, dude. Swollen.
00:43:47About time someone said something.
00:43:49All right, enough of that, guys.
00:43:51We got two weeks till the reunion, so I thought it'd be a good time
00:43:53to do a quick squad sickness update.
00:43:55Bryce, you secure that promotion?
00:43:57No, I actually got mad betrayed by everyone over there,
00:43:59so I'm just gonna focus on being the most yatted.
00:44:01Oh, word.
00:44:03So you can focus all your efforts on helping me find the biggest truck
00:44:05in Simi? Precisely, yeah.
00:44:07I mean, I'm already yatted, so...
00:44:09I don't know, dude. Finneas Bustamante's looking pretty yatted
00:44:11these days. Yo, he
00:44:13is looking yatted, damn, and jacked.
00:44:15Shut up, dude. You're not even coming, bro.
00:44:17I am coming. Oh, yeah?
00:44:19You're coming? Yeah, I'm gonna come. You're coming?
00:44:21With Lexi. I'm gonna rizz her up when she gets here,
00:44:23probably. That's why I'm wearing so much cologne.
00:44:25I thought I smelled ass. Dude, everyone is
00:44:27so distracted. I'm holding it
00:44:29together, like, super well,
00:44:31but unbeknownst to the squad,
00:44:33I'm pissed off.
00:44:35Guys, shut up and focus!
00:44:37Come on! Yeah, shut up!
00:44:39Guys, if we're gonna be pulling up in Zahn's truck,
00:44:41we have to make sure he wins Truck of the Year.
00:44:43Thank you. Luckily, I'm living
00:44:45with him, and for the foreseeable future, so I can
00:44:47be super helpful, but, like, we're gonna need all
00:44:49hands on deck. Hey! Dunk, you
00:44:51can help, right? Dunkin'.
00:44:53Dude, I have a lot going on right
00:44:55now, okay? Jesus. I have a drop
00:44:57coming up. Oh, yeah?
00:44:59You got a big drop coming up?
00:45:01And I'm still trying to figure out
00:45:03that whole situation over there,
00:45:05so... Oh, yeah. What's your
00:45:07plan there, dude? Hey, what's the plan with that, Dunk?
00:45:09I've made my decision. I'm gonna let you guys
00:45:11know tomorrow, 5 p.m. PST.
00:45:13Already made hats.
00:45:15You're gonna do it like you're committing to a college?
00:45:17That's exactly what I'm
00:45:19gonna do, Wade.
00:45:21After running into Danny
00:45:23at Dunk Surf, I feel like I should probably make sure
00:45:25she wouldn't feel weird about me showing up to the reunion
00:45:27with Dunkin'. And I feel like this conversation
00:45:29has the potential to be very awkward,
00:45:31so I thought it'd be best to quickly rip
00:45:33one to the dome to calm my nerves.
00:45:35Oh!
00:45:45So, Danny,
00:45:47how's it going?
00:45:49Um, I mean,
00:45:51I'm a little rattled by the way you just housed
00:45:53that El Brazo Especial, but otherwise,
00:45:55I'm pretty good. How are things with, um,
00:45:57you and Dunkin'?
00:45:59What?
00:46:01Are things, like,
00:46:03awkward between you guys? Like,
00:46:05do you guys talk?
00:46:07Ooh, Tessa!
00:46:09That's, like, a super frickin' random question.
00:46:11Um...
00:46:13I love you.
00:46:15I love you.
00:46:17I love you.
00:46:19Like, maybe, like, one or two times
00:46:21in total, but not really.
00:46:23No. What about you?
00:46:27I love you.
00:46:29I love you.
00:46:31Um...
00:46:33Danny, have you considered purchasing
00:46:35a home? Um...
00:46:37I recently got into real estate. Oh, cool.
00:46:39Shot you over a few links. Yeah, no, I saw. You see the links?
00:46:41I saw the links. So many!
00:46:43I love that. Like, 20 or 30 links.
00:46:45Is it just me, or did Molly become a real estate agent,
00:46:47like, one week ago?
00:46:49Let's buy something soon, yeah?
00:46:51I think I hear the door. Is it the dorm?
00:46:53Get over here.
00:46:55What's up, family?
00:46:57Sun salutations. I'm so hungry for brunch.
00:46:59Good to see you.
00:47:01I thought that was your boy, dog.
00:47:03Just gonna let him swoop your girl like that?
00:47:05She wants to play the old
00:47:07bring-his-former-college-roommate-to-the-kickback-to-make-him-jealous
00:47:09strategy.
00:47:11Classic. Look, I went to college
00:47:13with all this. I lived with him.
00:47:15He threw my art show with me.
00:47:17I know him very well. Like, they're so
00:47:19not right for each other, it's like, I don't even care.
00:47:21Like, they would never end up together.
00:47:23You gonna beat his ass?
00:47:25Yeah.
00:47:27Yo, blindside him, fool.
00:47:29Straight knock him right now.
00:47:31I will right now. Knock him, dude.
00:47:35What's happening?
00:47:37Oh!
00:47:39Oh!
00:47:41Hey, dude.
00:47:43What's up? Oh, nothing, man. It's so sick
00:47:45that you're here, man. Yeah, how are you?
00:47:47It's great to see you, dude. I'm good, man. How are you?
00:47:49You're good? Yeah, dude.
00:47:51Okay. Awesome.
00:47:53You just seem kind of stressed. You here with Lexi?
00:47:55Yeah, dude. It's my little ginger tea, dude.
00:47:57What?
00:47:59Crazy she brought you, man. Super chill, though.
00:48:01Well, we've been hanging out a lot lately.
00:48:03You guys have been hanging out? Yeah, dude. Spent a lot of time.
00:48:05Went to the desert last weekend.
00:48:07Realigned her throat chakra.
00:48:09That's so good to hear. Yeah.
00:48:11I love chakras. Yeah, dude.
00:48:13Nice. Are you sure everything's okay?
00:48:15Yo, speaking of knocking fools,
00:48:17where's your boy at, Zon?
00:48:19Who?
00:48:21Your son, Hawk?
00:48:23Is he coming?
00:48:25Yeah, he'll be here in a little.
00:48:27He better not show up.
00:48:29I mean,
00:48:31he's gonna show up, so...
00:48:33He better not.
00:48:35In case you didn't know,
00:48:37I'm a fan of Zander's son.
00:48:39Never been, never will be.
00:48:41Yo, why is he looking at me like that?
00:48:43What's up, little bud? Got a staring problem, pal?
00:48:45Like what, dude? He's just looking at you.
00:48:47He's a baby. Look at his face.
00:48:49Dumb little face.
00:48:51Stop.
00:48:53Yo, Zan, get your boy, dog.
00:48:55What's going on?
00:48:57Since he was only one, it's just been nonstop beef.
00:48:59But at the end of season two,
00:49:01I thought I'd be the bigger man and finally squash it.
00:49:03But a couple years later, when he was all grown up,
00:49:05that fool came up to me at Zander's wedding still pissed.
00:49:07Still can't believe you threatened to lock me
00:49:09in a hot car with the windows rolled up, though.
00:49:11You remember that? Watch your back.
00:49:13Because this beef is officially
00:49:15back on.
00:49:17At this point, I don't even care if it's Zander's son.
00:49:19And I don't care how old he is.
00:49:21If he shows up, it's hands-on sight.
00:49:23And that's on gang for real, for real, my baby.
00:49:25Hawk!
00:49:27Oh.
00:49:29Hi.
00:49:31Look at him.
00:49:33Good to see you, buddy.
00:49:35I'm gonna go kick the boys.
00:49:37Leave me alone, Mom.
00:49:39Hey, what's up? Uncle Wade.
00:49:41What's up, Stuart?
00:49:43Good to see you.
00:49:51What's up, son?
00:49:53Wasn't he just, like, 18 at the wedding?
00:49:55No, he grew up so fast.
00:49:57Isn't that weird, though?
00:49:59He's, like, an old guy now.
00:50:01Lexi, don't be rude.
00:50:03Seriously?
00:50:05Oh, snap. Hey, Bryce.
00:50:07I didn't even see you there.
00:50:11All right, guys.
00:50:13Back to my truck.
00:50:15So I've been looking online, and it's been
00:50:17pretty hard to find a truck in the right price range
00:50:19that's sicker than Jathi's.
00:50:21Dude, that's so true. Jathi's truck is sick.
00:50:25Thank you, Duncan.
00:50:27Why don't you just steal Jathi's truck?
00:50:29What do you mean?
00:50:31F*** these fools, dude.
00:50:33I'm saying we jack the truck,
00:50:35replace the sound system, get a better one,
00:50:37paint it matte black, and then it's your truck.
00:50:39And they don't have one for the reunion. Problem solved.
00:50:41I mean, it would be way less expensive.
00:50:43So true.
00:50:45What do you think about all this, Hawk?
00:50:47To be honest, I really want to contribute right now
00:50:49to this conversation, but
00:50:51I'm getting these seriously off vibes
00:50:53from Duncan and Johnny. What's up with you guys?
00:50:55What are you talking? We're good.
00:50:57Everything's chill.
00:50:59No, yeah, I'm definitely sensing, like, a lot of
00:51:01dark aura energy right here.
00:51:03Something is definitely not okay right here.
00:51:05Right? Yeah, I noticed that earlier. I just didn't want to hear about it.
00:51:07Everything is fine between me and Johnny, okay?
00:51:09We got in a little tiff, and he got fired from work, but...
00:51:11Wait, what?
00:51:13Good call. Smart. Besides that, everything's cool.
00:51:15You fired Johnny? That's so weird, dude.
00:51:17He's your best friend.
00:51:19Everything's fine, guys. Seriously, everything is cool, right?
00:51:21I mean, nah.
00:51:23Not cool at all.
00:51:25Like, I'm feeling very overwhelmed,
00:51:27and, um, like, I don't know where
00:51:29to do with my life now, for real.
00:51:31Like, I just was doing this...
00:51:33All right, all right, all right, okay, okay, we get it, we get it.
00:51:35Duncan, let him speak. You'll stay out of this, big guy.
00:51:37Shut up, Bryce. It's not my fault you sucked at skating.
00:51:39Duncan,
00:51:41your vibes haven't been pause-y for months.
00:51:43And on top of that, you're being mean to me
00:51:45while we're getting ready for a huge drop,
00:51:47and I'm running dunk surf solo?
00:51:49Also, you can date Danny and Tessa
00:51:51while lying about it and blaming me?
00:51:53What?
00:51:57Duncan, was he serious?
00:51:59What is that in her hand?
00:52:01Dude, it's a parabolic microphone.
00:52:03They could hear everything we were saying.
00:52:05Why does she have that?
00:52:07Molly, why are you eavesdropping?
00:52:09I was just showing them how it works.
00:52:11You've been dating Duncan? Yeah, since the wedding.
00:52:13What? I've been dating him since the wedding.
00:52:15I'm so confused. You guys are both dating Duncan?
00:52:17Hey, guys.
00:52:19Um, listen.
00:52:21First of all, let's just chill out, okay?
00:52:23Um, I can fix this, all right? I have a plan.
00:52:25Have you seen the movie Savages?
00:52:27The extremely underrated Oliver Stone movie
00:52:29with Blake Lively where she's dating two Hawkeyes
00:52:31at the same time and they're living in a harmonious throuple?
00:52:33Exactly, yes.
00:52:35So I was thinking, what if the three...
00:52:37Oh!
00:52:39Oh, my God!
00:52:41I'm gonna start a podcast
00:52:43just so I can talk shit about people.
00:52:45You don't mean that, honey. You don't mean that.
00:52:47I'm one of your best friends.
00:52:49Oh! Which one you think?
00:52:51We can figure this out.
00:52:53Tess! Don!
00:52:57Ah!
00:53:01I don't want my picture taken right now.
00:53:03Idiot.
00:53:13Yo, yo.
00:53:15Hey, man, you mind hooking me up
00:53:17some grip tape for this deck?
00:53:19I don't know. Could you hook me up with
00:53:21arriving two shattered relationships
00:53:23with my ex-girlfriends or just beat my ass
00:53:25while all my friends watched?
00:53:27Nah, just the grip tape's fine.
00:53:29Yeah, dude, give me your board. Totally.
00:53:31Thank you. Yo!
00:53:33Yo, yo, yo, yo, chill, chill!
00:53:35He swung at me, Todd. He swung at me.
00:53:37I obviously did not. He swung at you?
00:53:39No, why would I do that? Hold me back, Todd.
00:53:41Okay, I'm just gonna go to CalSurf.
00:53:43All right, come on. We need to smoke a joint.
00:53:45You need a rip. Let's go.
00:53:47I had it all.
00:53:49Two smoking hot girlfriends,
00:53:51my own surf skate shop,
00:53:53a completely filled-out punch card
00:53:55from Franco's Tacos,
00:53:57and now it's all gone.
00:54:01You don't realize how sad
00:54:03that moment is when you're eating those tacos,
00:54:05and you don't have the punch card anymore.
00:54:07And they won't even let you punch
00:54:09another card
00:54:11until you come the next time.
00:54:13The free tacos can't count
00:54:15towards your next punch card. They told me that.
00:54:17They made sure I knew that.
00:54:19And I might even go to Michael's and get my own
00:54:21bull puncher.
00:54:42Feel any better?
00:54:44No.
00:54:46I still feel melancholy AF.
00:54:48Oh, that reminds me, dude.
00:54:50Your dad came by earlier today.
00:54:52He said buying the shop was a horrible investment,
00:54:54and if you don't get your numbers up
00:54:56by the reunion, he's turning it into a vape shop.
00:54:58What? I know.
00:55:00Dude, the reunion's in ten days.
00:55:02Why did you wait till after the J to tell me that?
00:55:04Because if you knew, you would have bailed on the J.
00:55:06Of course I would have bailed on the J. I can't be high right now.
00:55:08Exactly.
00:55:10I knew it.
00:55:12But yeah, your dad seems pretty dead-set on tanking this spot, man.
00:55:14He even offered me a job
00:55:16at his store down the street.
00:55:18What a dick.
00:55:20I know, right?
00:55:22Low-key took it, too.
00:55:24What?
00:55:26It's wild, bro. I work at Cal Surf now.
00:55:28I should probably get going, honestly.
00:55:30Your dad runs a tight shit, bro. I don't want to be late.
00:55:32Tucker, what the S? What am I gonna do now?
00:55:34Well, my Uber's here. I gotta go.
00:55:36How did you time that so perfectly?
00:55:38Tucker!
00:55:40Tuck!
00:55:42Tuck!
00:55:44Tucker!
00:55:50What's good?
00:55:52Welcome back to On My Pod,
00:55:54the most inspirational pod in all of Simi.
00:55:56For sure.
00:55:58I just want to start off by saying that
00:56:00I think the problem with this generation
00:56:02is that guys these days,
00:56:04they just want to date two women at once
00:56:06and own a surf shop, you know?
00:56:08After I discovered that Duncan was cheating on me
00:56:10with his ex-girlfriend
00:56:12and my third best friend,
00:56:14I started sending him a bunch of angry voice memos.
00:56:16And that's when I discovered
00:56:18I love the sound of my own voice.
00:56:20That's why
00:56:22I decided to start the pod.
00:56:24Because I know Wade feels the same way.
00:56:26Here's what you do.
00:56:28What?
00:56:30You buy a cheap fixer-upper for 1, 1.5,
00:56:32you know, put 500 into it,
00:56:34it's easier than you think it is.
00:56:36Exactly. Well, that's what I'm talking about
00:56:38when it comes to manifesting, gratitude journaling.
00:56:40If you think about it, you can achieve it.
00:56:42You've kind of inspired me right now,
00:56:44and I just want to say,
00:56:46if you are over the age of 25
00:56:48and you're not flipping houses
00:56:50for 750% profit,
00:56:52you're a failure.
00:56:54Loser.
00:56:56And you should seriously consider
00:56:58reevaluating your life and your whole friend group.
00:57:00Right.
00:57:02Mess up my morning routine and get a 9-to-5,
00:57:04which I'm not cool with.
00:57:06How am I supposed to...
00:57:08Exactly, Wade.
00:57:10Sup?
00:57:12Dude, Molly, can you not? We're rolling, clearly.
00:57:14Oh, my God. Zan!
00:57:16And actually, that brings us to our sponsor.
00:57:18Okay, we talked about this.
00:57:20You said you were telling him to move,
00:57:22not telling him to set up a podcast studio.
00:57:24Okay, I know,
00:57:26but he's been really helpful with the truck search,
00:57:28and it's good to, like, have him here
00:57:30for research purposes.
00:57:32To be honest, this kind of feels like the last straw.
00:57:34Okay, here we go again
00:57:36with the last straw.
00:57:38What does that even mean, Molly?
00:57:40Like, what kind of a situation even involves
00:57:42picking straws
00:57:44and the last one sucks?
00:57:46Like, what is that? Is it a sea turtle thing?
00:57:48Because I told you, that's all propaganda
00:57:50to distract us from the fact
00:57:52that the real problem is industrial fishing boats, Molly.
00:57:54They kill way more sea turtles
00:57:56than plastic straws.
00:57:58It's a metaphor!
00:58:00I told you, I hate
00:58:02metaphors!
00:58:04Why are you so aggro
00:58:06lately?
00:58:08I'm not aggro.
00:58:10Honestly, Molly has said this is the last straw
00:58:12so many times,
00:58:14I'm starting to feel like this is the last straw.
00:58:16Plus, I don't even use straws.
00:58:18Well,
00:58:20I guess there was that one time.
00:58:22But not anymore.
00:58:24If Wade isn't out of the house by the reunion,
00:58:26we're done.
00:58:28And I mean actual
00:58:30last straw.
00:58:32Where are you even going?
00:58:34To work.
00:58:36To sell houses so one of us can show up
00:58:38to the reunion looking sick.
00:58:40You tiny truck-having ass.
00:58:42After my conversation
00:58:44with Molly, it's pretty clear
00:58:46that stealing Jaffe's truck should be the number one
00:58:48priority in my life right now.
00:58:50It's a complicated operation, though.
00:58:52So I decided to call
00:58:54emergency heist planning needed.
00:58:56You guys all watch Ocean's Eleven like I told you to?
00:58:58Mm-hmm. Sick.
00:59:00Alright, so look, as far as the plan
00:59:02goes, Molly's
00:59:04real estate company is having a broker's
00:59:06open at Jaffe's house.
00:59:08I was gonna say we put a spy cam on her
00:59:10to send her in and get some intel,
00:59:12but unfortunately she's gone rogue
00:59:14and can't be trusted.
00:59:16So what I'm thinking is... Can you guys have this conversation
00:59:18somewhere else?
00:59:20Sandra, eyes down, take the test,
00:59:22okay? And if anybody else wants to listen in
00:59:24on this sick combo between me and my
00:59:26bros over here, that's detention.
00:59:28We're trying, but it's kind of hard when you're discussing
00:59:30such felonious behavior in front of us.
00:59:32Yeah, I don't want to be
00:59:34an accessory to this weak-ass plan.
00:59:36Weak plan? I'm sorry, dude.
00:59:38It's not a weak plan, okay?
00:59:40This is gonna be sick. Are you even going to the reunion?
00:59:42Ooh. Duh.
00:59:44Alright. Beta, this guy
00:59:46doesn't even burn, dude.
00:59:48We all know.
00:59:50You told your high school homies I don't burn?
00:59:52Yeah. Come on, dude.
00:59:54Screw you guys, dude. I do burn.
00:59:56Alright, everybody shut up. Unless you have a sick idea
00:59:58for me and my bros,
01:00:00I don't want to hear a peep.
01:00:02Why don't you guys just steal the trucks during the open house
01:00:04while everyone's distracted inside?
01:00:06Yeah. I mean, that's a good idea.
01:00:08I like the whole Ocean's Eleven thing, but if you're gonna do it,
01:00:10like, you guys should dress up as the waitstaff.
01:00:12It would be
01:00:14kind of sick to dress up as the waitstaff.
01:00:16I've, like, always wanted to do that.
01:00:18Could you imagine?
01:00:20Dressing up like the waitstaff?
01:00:22Oh, man. I'm getting fired up just thinking about it.
01:00:24You're excited about that?
01:00:26Yeah. Have you guys not?
01:00:28No, dude. This plan works.
01:00:30You and Johnny dress as the waitstaff.
01:00:32Bryce shows up, creates a diversion.
01:00:34Me and Dunk and him.
01:00:36Oh, dude, no, dude. I don't think we can rely on Johnny for this, man.
01:00:38Looks like he's doing ayahuasca with Aldis.
01:00:40Goodness gracious.
01:00:42Dunk, you really messed him up, bro.
01:00:44That's my bad.
01:00:46Are you trying to smash Tess?
01:00:48I beg your pardon?
01:00:50From the back.
01:00:54Would you be pissed if someone did that?
01:00:56Uh, would I be pissed
01:00:58if someone was piping my ex?
01:01:00Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed.
01:01:02Oh, not that.
01:01:04Bryce.
01:01:06Oh, yeah, come on in.
01:01:08We're just having a meeting, you know?
01:01:17Okay, what are y'all...
01:01:19You know what? I don't even care.
01:01:21Can I speak to you privately, please?
01:01:23Miss B, anything you want to say to me,
01:01:25you can say in front of my boys and my class.
01:01:28Okay, fine.
01:01:30After hearing that you altered the grades
01:01:32of two of your students,
01:01:34I'm putting you on indefinite administrative leave.
01:01:40Y'all snitched?
01:01:46If you want to stay in this family,
01:01:48you got to sell houses.
01:01:50And be hot.
01:01:52I'll stab anyone in the back to get what I want.
01:01:54My clients are some of the richest people
01:01:57in the entire world.
01:01:59High-profile clients.
01:02:01I just like saying the word clients.
01:02:03Half the time, I don't even understand
01:02:05how this business works.
01:02:07But it's working.
01:02:16♪
01:02:34Hey!
01:02:36Welcome to Mi Casa!
01:02:38Wait, this is your house?
01:02:40Yeah, babes, this is my house.
01:02:42Why are you selling your house?
01:02:45Well, I sell my house every quarter or so
01:02:47to help keep the numbers up.
01:02:50Seems stressful.
01:02:52I want to make the investors happy.
01:02:54They love to see money move.
01:02:56Guess what?
01:02:58My bathroom's right there if you want to change.
01:03:00Oh, um, this is me.
01:03:02Yeah, with a suit.
01:03:04Oh, that's so cute.
01:03:06I love that.
01:03:08Oh, my God, it's adorable.
01:03:10Ventura! Topanga!
01:03:12Molly, hey!
01:03:14Hey, what's up?
01:03:16Molly, you're the new girl.
01:03:18If there's one thing that I know about Topanga,
01:03:21it's that she is not afraid to drill the new girl.
01:03:24So how many houses have you sold this quarter?
01:03:27Oh, well, none.
01:03:29You know, I just started two weeks ago, so...
01:03:32Molly, do you know who I just sold a house to?
01:03:34Oh, no. Who?
01:03:36You know who Billie Eilish is?
01:03:38Yeah.
01:03:40I just sold a house to her chiropractor, so...
01:03:42Oh.
01:03:44I bet you'd like to know who my clients are.
01:03:46Yeah.
01:03:48Well, I can't tell you that's super confidential.
01:03:50Oh, I sold a house to Howie Mandel.
01:03:52No one fucking cares, Ventura.
01:03:54Speaking of clients, mine just arrived,
01:03:56so I'll be right back.
01:04:00Hey.
01:04:02Thank God you guys are here.
01:04:04What is happening? Is this an open house,
01:04:06or is there, like, another reality show being shot?
01:04:09So...
01:04:11Danny, what do you think?
01:04:13I think it's pretty sick.
01:04:16Want to make an offer?
01:04:18I noticed that you had to flip houses
01:04:20for passive income on your vision board.
01:04:22I do, but, you know, that's not until later in the year,
01:04:24after I've lived in the south of France.
01:04:26We've talked about that.
01:04:28Oh, are you gonna live in the south of France?
01:04:30I'm manifesting it, yes. Are you really?
01:04:32Or are you gonna lie to my face about that
01:04:34the way you lied to my face about dating Duncan?
01:04:36I don't like what you're saying,
01:04:38okay? I do not have the bandwidth for you.
01:04:40Oh, my God. You guys, stop. Stop it.
01:04:42This day has to go well for me, okay?
01:04:44Play it cool.
01:04:48Let's steal this fucking truck, bro!
01:04:50Dude, I am so dialed in right now.
01:04:52Bro, me too. I am dialed.
01:04:54I am Buffalo Dialed Wings right now.
01:04:56Yeah, I'm Crocodile Dundee right now.
01:04:58Dude, I'm Dialedly Cyrus.
01:05:00All right, enough with the puns, dude.
01:05:02They're not even funny. Damn, dude.
01:05:04Where's Bryce, dude? Bro.
01:05:06Uh, he said, can't make it.
01:05:08Something came up. Hit me up later.
01:05:10What, are you yanking my nutsack, bro?
01:05:12That's what he said.
01:05:14Well, what should we do? Should we call it off?
01:05:16Dude, can't you just mod the truck out yourself
01:05:18in your shop? Like, we could use some of my, like,
01:05:20morning routine stuff and Danny's manifestation
01:05:22techniques. That could be sick.
01:05:24Hey, Wade, just because you have a podcat,
01:05:26it doesn't make your ideas good.
01:05:28Okay, bro? Is manifestation gonna
01:05:30get me the 100K that I need to mod out my truck?
01:05:32No. The only thing that would
01:05:34yield that kind of cash is selling my house.
01:05:36And there's no way in hell Molly would
01:05:38let me do that. So Wade should probably
01:05:40shut his trap. Also,
01:05:42Bryce isn't here, dude. This plan is going to
01:05:44shit. No, no, no,
01:05:46no, no!
01:05:48Someone just blocked
01:05:50it in! Oh, the plan
01:05:52is ruined!
01:05:54So it's getting pretty obvious
01:05:56that Zonder's on steroids. And I
01:05:58realize now that all the times he said he was
01:06:00going to a juice bar,
01:06:02it was a steroid juice bar.
01:06:04And I don't know if he realizes you have to, like,
01:06:06work out more when you're on steroids.
01:06:08So it's not like he's that much
01:06:10bigger. He's just,
01:06:12like, way more mad. Bro, dude,
01:06:14it's fine. It'll be okay,
01:06:16man. I'll just go inside and convince
01:06:18whosever car it is that I think it's super sick and I want to go
01:06:20for a ride. You seriously think you're gonna be able to
01:06:22convince someone that their PT cruiser is sick?
01:06:24Dude, yes, man.
01:06:26Bro, I can act.
01:06:28You guys forget I'm an artist.
01:06:30Well, in the words of Mark Zuckerberg,
01:06:32go in there,
01:06:34jack this guy's shit,
01:06:36paint it a different color, and pass it off as our own.
01:06:38Steal Jathew's truck on three. One, two,
01:06:40three. Steal Jathew's truck!
01:06:42I'll disable the camera with my lasers.
01:06:44Let's get tactical, boys. Let's get
01:06:46tactical, boys.
01:07:00♪♪♪♪
01:07:02♪♪♪♪
01:07:04♪♪♪♪
01:07:06♪♪♪♪
01:07:08♪♪♪♪
01:07:10♪♪♪♪
01:07:12♪♪♪♪
01:07:14You see any randos tonight, you know what to do, right?
01:07:16Yeah, murder them.
01:07:18What? No, just, like, ask them to leave.
01:07:20Nice and... It's been nine hours. Nine, nine.
01:07:22It's hot. No one cares about, like,
01:07:24Sam Martin's family. Hors d'oeuvres?
01:07:26Um, I'm good. Yo, by the way,
01:07:28do you guys know who's P.T. Cruiser that is outside?
01:07:30No. Why?
01:07:32She's super sick. I want to see my cop one.
01:07:34Okay.
01:07:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, totally.
01:07:38Yo, do you guys know who's P.T. Cruiser that is in the
01:07:40driveway, by the way? Nah, man.
01:07:42Wade? Nah, you don't know?
01:07:44Lexi? What's up?
01:07:46Didn't know you'd be here. What's up, JP?
01:07:48What's up, dude?
01:07:50What are you doing here? You're a waiter now?
01:07:52Yeah, just making bank, you know.
01:07:54Uh, trying to figure out who's the sick-ass
01:07:56P.T. Cruiser who's in the driveway, but...
01:07:58Dude, that's mine. You dig it?
01:08:00Oh. Uh...
01:08:02Yeah, dude.
01:08:04Yes. It's awesome.
01:08:06Wait, that's yours? Yes, dude, that's mine.
01:08:08All stock, no tints? You guessed it, brother.
01:08:10Oh, man, what a whip.
01:08:12Yeah. Dude, crazy
01:08:14idea. What if we went for a spin
01:08:16right now? Like, right now?
01:08:18I'm game if you're game.
01:08:20Okay. Uh,
01:08:22see you, Lexi. Let's go. Okay, my shift
01:08:24just ended, so let's do it.
01:08:28First, Wade acts like a kid
01:08:30because I brought Aldis to the kickback.
01:08:32Now he shows up unannounced to this
01:08:34party, dressed as a waiter,
01:08:36all to stop me from talking to
01:08:38JP. This is the type of immature,
01:08:40jealous boyfriend energy that
01:08:42I am missing in
01:08:44my life. Like, maybe I
01:08:46should invite Wade to the reunion.
01:08:48So, Dani, what do you think? Are you interested
01:08:50in buying this house, or what?
01:08:52Oh, um...
01:08:54Not right now. No.
01:08:56Oh. Okay.
01:08:58Lexi, what about you? How much is it?
01:09:002.3. But for you,
01:09:02I could do 2.299.
01:09:04Mmm. I'm really gonna have to
01:09:06marinate on that for a beat. Huh.
01:09:08Okay, Molly,
01:09:10can I play you for a quick chat? Yeah. Okay, great.
01:09:14I don't understand. What's going on?
01:09:16Is she poor? No, no, like,
01:09:18she's not poor. Her dad's actually, like, super
01:09:20rich. I don't know what our deal is right now.
01:09:22Okay, well, it's been two weeks.
01:09:24You haven't sold a single home or gotten
01:09:26anyone under you to take commission from.
01:09:28The funnel is dying.
01:09:30Like, do you even
01:09:32want to do this? I don't get it. I do.
01:09:34I just... Just what? I just need
01:09:36more time. Well, Molly, if you don't sell
01:09:38a house before the reunion,
01:09:40I'm gonna have to ask you
01:09:42to kick rocks.
01:09:44How am I supposed to sell a
01:09:46house this fast? The only person
01:09:48I know who owns a house is me.
01:09:50Am I gonna have to
01:09:52sell my own house?
01:09:54Um, just give me a second. I'm gonna call
01:09:56Xander.
01:10:02Oh, my God, Xander! I was literally just calling you.
01:10:04So, I need a really
01:10:06big favor. Uh, yeah.
01:10:08What's... What's up? What's good?
01:10:10Okay, so I know I just started this job
01:10:12and that we really love our house, but
01:10:14we're gonna need to sell it.
01:10:16What, like now?
01:10:18Yeah, as soon as possible.
01:10:20Well, this is perfect.
01:10:22Just when I was about to steal
01:10:24Jackie's truck.
01:10:28Oh, why not?
01:10:30Uh...
01:10:32I was just kidding.
01:10:34Point is, Molly just came
01:10:36through with a solution to get enough
01:10:38funds to trick out the truck myself.
01:10:40Now, I just need to pretend that
01:10:42I didn't also want this.
01:10:44That way, I have leverage.
01:10:46All right, fine.
01:10:48But only because I love you so much.
01:10:50Seriously? Yeah.
01:10:52But I just might need one thing, though.
01:10:54Anything.
01:10:56If we do sell the house, would I maybe
01:10:58be able to take some of those funds
01:11:00and allot them to building out my truck?
01:11:04I mean, it's only fair.
01:11:06All right, then, but you owe me big time.
01:11:10Thank you.
01:11:12Yeah.
01:11:14What are you doing here?
01:11:16Yeah, what are you doing here?
01:11:18And why do you look so sketch?
01:11:20Are those the keys to my truck?
01:11:22Oh.
01:11:24Uh...
01:11:26Don't say another f***ing word.
01:11:28I'm not stupid.
01:11:30I know what you're doing, dude.
01:11:32And I'm not even mad.
01:11:34You're not?
01:11:36Nah, man.
01:11:38Xander Sanders.
01:11:40Coming up to my pad.
01:11:42Dressed as a robber.
01:11:44On some kinky role-play shit?
01:11:46My God!
01:11:48You're about to
01:11:50rob dog her in my truck, huh?
01:11:52Yeah.
01:11:54Oh, my God, were you really?
01:11:56Yeah, I was about to, like,
01:11:58rail you so hard.
01:12:00Poundtown, right?
01:12:02Ah, dude, you know it, dude.
01:12:04I'm the mayor of Poundtown.
01:12:06Oh, dude, I love that.
01:12:08Yes! F*** yeah!
01:12:10F***ing love it, dude.
01:12:12God, yes!
01:12:14You have my blessing, bro.
01:12:16You two have fun in there, okay?
01:12:18There's a remote for the TV and a center console
01:12:20if you want to throw on a flick.
01:12:22Oh, my God, okay.
01:12:24Go get in Jathi's truck,
01:12:26wait 45 minutes, come back in
01:12:28looking disheveled and tell him we just had
01:12:30the best sex of your life, all right?
01:12:32Wait, wait, what? What are you talking about?
01:12:34So we're not actually smashing right now?
01:12:36There's no time to explain.
01:12:38Okay, well,
01:12:40what am I supposed to do, just sit in the truck
01:12:42for, like, 45 minutes?
01:12:44That is not even realistic. It's more like five.
01:12:46Okay, fine. Twenty.
01:12:48Ten.
01:12:50Molly, I just let you sell the house,
01:12:52okay? You owe me big time.
01:12:54Big time.
01:13:02Wait, what's he doing?
01:13:06Dude, what happened?
01:13:08Change of plans.
01:13:16Yeah.
01:13:18Pretty cool. Yeah.
01:13:20So stoked you dig the whip, though.
01:13:22Yeah, Jathi and them always give me shit for it.
01:13:24At least I actually bought this.
01:13:26You know, I'd rather own my own car than take out a bunch
01:13:28of frauded-out loans and get a sick one like Jathi's.
01:13:30Only a matter of time till the feds
01:13:32catch on to his bullshit.
01:13:34Oh, yeah, totally, man.
01:13:36Totally.
01:13:38Wait, what the hell?
01:13:40What?
01:13:42Uh, nothing, dude. We should dip.
01:13:44Um, fire car, though.
01:13:46Wait, you don't want to smoke this?
01:13:48Uh, I wish we had time,
01:13:50dude, but I really gotta get back.
01:13:52You just drove up to Chet's Peak, though.
01:13:54I'd love to, man, but there's no time.
01:13:56Wow. So it is true.
01:14:00Wait, wait, wait. What's true?
01:14:04Nothing.
01:14:06No, what's true?
01:14:10Wait, wait, wait.
01:14:12No, no, no, no, no, no. Hold your horses.
01:14:14What's true?
01:14:16I just heard that you don't burn.
01:14:18Okay, you think I,
01:14:20Wade Colonel Sanders, doesn't burn?
01:14:22Okay, yeah, right.
01:14:24Well, then you either cheap this thing down
01:14:26or it's official
01:14:28that you don't burn.
01:14:30Is that good for you?
01:14:34No.
01:14:36There's no way that's happening right now.
01:14:40I'm sick of these games, man.
01:14:44Dude, where is he?
01:14:46Dude, he hasn't texted me back. He's taking way too long.
01:14:48We gotta just dip.
01:14:50Yeah, let's just dip. Let's just dip.
01:14:54Oh, come on. Hey.
01:14:58Dude. Yo.
01:15:01All right, well, uh,
01:15:03maybe I'll see you later, Wade, or...
01:15:05Wade. What?
01:15:07Maybe I'll see you... Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
01:15:09Wow, dude. Wow.
01:15:11Yo, it was too hot, bro. We had to dip.
01:15:13What? I can see you right there.
01:15:15Just back up. All right.
01:15:17Should we call you back for it? I don't know.
01:15:19I can hear you debating it. Just come back.
01:15:21All right, fine.
01:15:23Yo, what happened? I moved the PT.
01:15:25Yo, could you not find the keys?
01:15:27No, I had them, but then I ran into Molly and Jack, you dude.
01:15:29Was he on to you?
01:15:31No, it's, like, a long, weird story, but basically,
01:15:33Molly's selling the house, and I don't have enough money
01:15:35to mod out the truck myself.
01:15:37Wait, what? Wait, why did we just do all this?
01:15:39Yeah, dude, you're selling the house?
01:15:41Where am I gonna live, dude? Right, dude.
01:15:43Where am I gonna do my podcast? That's your first concern.
01:15:45What, are you gonna do your podcast? Yeah, dude, definitely.
01:15:47Look, it's way better this way, all right?
01:15:49We're not committing a felony.
01:15:51We're not stealing Jackie's truck.
01:15:53We just gotta get to the body shop and build out my truck.
01:15:55We, dude?
01:15:57We just wasted all this time?
01:15:59Dude, I can't do this right now, dude.
01:16:01I have to get back to Dunkster before my dad shuts me down.
01:16:03You're seriously gonna ruin our reunion pull-up situation
01:16:05because you're a terrible small business owner, dude?
01:16:07Dude, just give it up, okay?
01:16:09You're not gonna have a sicker truck than Jathew in time.
01:16:11Dude, we should have just stolen Jathew's truck.
01:16:13It would have been way easier than this.
01:16:17You know what, boys?
01:16:19I'm headed to the body shop, all right?
01:16:21If you guys aren't gonna help, get out of the car right now.
01:16:23Whatever, dude, I live two blocks away.
01:16:25I'll walk.
01:16:27All right.
01:16:29You're still gonna take me home, right?
01:16:31I'll take you.
01:16:33All right, fine.
01:16:35Great. Glad that's settled.
01:16:37And everyone has rides.
01:16:39Now get the fuck out of my car, dude.
01:16:41Goddamn it!
01:16:43This is pretty much my all-is-lost moment.
01:16:45Stupid pencils.
01:16:47I've given all I could to this truck search.
01:16:49But without the boys helping me,
01:16:51I just don't think it's possible.
01:16:53Xander!
01:16:55Dad?
01:16:57What are you doing here?
01:16:59Well, I come here to see you, make sure you're okay.
01:17:01Hell, I haven't seen you in the whole damn movie.
01:17:03Yeah, well, whatever. I've just been busy, okay?
01:17:05What the hell are you doing?
01:17:07I don't think I'm gonna have the sickest truck in time
01:17:09for the reunion, okay?
01:17:11I tried, but I just...
01:17:13I just don't think I'm gonna do it.
01:17:15I don't think I have time.
01:17:17I don't think I have the resources,
01:17:19and I'm sorry, all right?
01:17:21I let you down, I let Grandpa down,
01:17:23and I'm just a big failure, but it's fine.
01:17:25I'll just be the most jacked.
01:17:27Oh, son, son.
01:17:29Is that what this is all about, huh?
01:17:31You think that I'm gonna be upset
01:17:33if you don't win that
01:17:35truck-of-the-year trophy
01:17:37from your high school reunion?
01:17:39Yeah.
01:17:41Oh, Xander.
01:17:45You're goddamn right.
01:17:47I wouldn't be upset.
01:17:49I'd be goddamn
01:17:51furious.
01:17:53I'd be embarrassed of you,
01:17:55disappointed in you.
01:17:57I would no longer be able
01:17:59to call you my son.
01:18:01But Dad...
01:18:03You better
01:18:05win that
01:18:07trophy.
01:18:19Hector!
01:18:23It's go time.
01:18:25What does that even mean, dawg?
01:18:27It means it's time
01:18:29to execute Plan C.
01:18:31How long do we have?
01:18:33Dude, like 72 hours.
01:18:3572 hours? No mamas, dawg.
01:18:37That's impossible.
01:18:39I know, right? Let's do this, brother.
01:18:41Let's go.
01:18:43Let's go.
01:18:45Let's go.
01:18:47Let's go.
01:19:17Let's go.
01:19:19Let's go.
01:19:21Let's go.
01:19:23Let's go.
01:19:25Do you want to be a winner?
01:19:27Do you want results? Huh?
01:19:29Do you want the things that you want in life?
01:19:31You want your dreams to come true?
01:19:33Well, then ditch whatever it is you're currently doing
01:19:35and get a morning routine.
01:19:39Xander!
01:19:47Xander!
01:19:49Xander!
01:19:51Xander!
01:19:53Xander!
01:19:59Your cornea is out.
01:20:01Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cornea is out.
01:20:17Oh, yeah.
01:20:27Oh, yeah.
01:20:31Oh, yeah.
01:20:47Oh, yeah.
01:20:55Oh, my God!
01:20:57Bro!
01:20:59It's so big!
01:21:01Huge, dawg. Look at the size, dawg!
01:21:03Oh, my God!
01:21:05I did it.
01:21:17I did it.
01:21:35We did it!
01:21:37We're about to flex so hard on everyone at this reunion.
01:21:39Aren't we all so stoked?
01:21:41Yeah.
01:21:43You're in a lot of scoffs, yo.
01:21:45Does someone have something to say?
01:21:47Uh, I got a problem.
01:21:49The cold truck and everything, but the ratio's way off yet again.
01:21:51What? What is he saying, Wade?
01:21:53He said cold truck and everything, but the ratio's off.
01:21:55You serious, Bryce?
01:21:57Serious, Bryce.
01:21:59It's four to four, bro.
01:22:01Four to four, bro.
01:22:03It would appear that our egotistical pursuit of reunion sickness
01:22:05has completely dismantled our squad,
01:22:07and I'm high-key tripping that Wade's about to snitch on me and Tessa,
01:22:09so I'm gonna stir the pot up with as much stuff as I can think of.
01:22:11Tell him it should be one to three guys to chicks.
01:22:13It's supposed to be one to three dudes to chicks?
01:22:15Bryce, you want me to pull this truck over and we can squint up right now?
01:22:17I mean, yeah, let's do it. Pull over right now.
01:22:19I'll beat your ass even though you're juicing.
01:22:21I'm not juicing, dude!
01:22:23Yes, you are, fool. Martinelli up there.
01:22:25Dude, I'm not juicing. I swear on Hawk's life.
01:22:29Okay, Xander, shut up, okay?
01:22:31And everyone, stop fighting.
01:22:33Let's just get there and get this over with.
01:22:35Please?
01:22:37Please?
01:22:57What's going on, everybody?
01:22:59Welcome to the See Me Hawaii
01:23:0110-Year Reunion!
01:23:03There's trucks, there's former
01:23:05flames, there's X's.
01:23:07I mean, it could get heated tonight.
01:23:09Plenty of opportunity for beef,
01:23:11Tad, that's for sure.
01:23:13Whoa, dude, Tad, we got breaking news.
01:23:15I think I'm seeing a sixth door come through.
01:23:17What? Oh, my God!
01:23:19Oh, my God!
01:23:35Okay, I'm going inside.
01:23:37Yeah, I need a monster.
01:23:39I'm cold.
01:23:41Guys.
01:23:43Guys, wait up. Guys.
01:23:45We're supposed to have a moment.
01:23:47What's up? What's up, Chauncey Donahue?
01:23:49Look at you, man.
01:23:51Holy freaking cow, nice truck.
01:23:53Thanks, Doug.
01:23:55Yeah, what have you been up to?
01:23:57What, like for the last ten years?
01:23:59Yeah, dude, I want all the details.
01:24:01I haven't seen you once, please.
01:24:03First person I run into is Chauncey Donahue.
01:24:05Boner.
01:24:07Dude has no idea how hard he's about to get flexed on.
01:24:09Run a body shop
01:24:11with my boy Hector.
01:24:13Married Molly. Had a kid.
01:24:15He's cool. He's all an adult now and shit.
01:24:17And, uh, yeah,
01:24:19have the sickest truck in all of Simi.
01:24:21That's about it.
01:24:23Damn.
01:24:25What a storybook life you've led, man.
01:24:27You must be so happy.
01:24:29Off to a strong start,
01:24:31but there's no time to waste.
01:24:33There's over 100 people here
01:24:35that I haven't seen since graduation,
01:24:37and we need to impress all of them.
01:24:45What have you been up to, man?
01:24:47So what have you been up to?
01:24:49What have you been up to?
01:24:51What have you been up to?
01:24:53Honestly, just, like, managing the F out of my skate shop.
01:24:55What are you doing for work these days?
01:24:57What have you been up to?
01:24:59Recently been selling houses.
01:25:01Just sold one the other day, actually.
01:25:03So what's up? You guys still brothers?
01:25:05Yeah. Yeah.
01:25:07I teach lit, so it's pretty lit, you know.
01:25:09Been really getting into manifestation lately.
01:25:11Oh, my God, you should come on my podcast.
01:25:13Everything was going according to plan,
01:25:15but what we forgot to take into account
01:25:17was the part of the conversation
01:25:19that we didn't care about.
01:25:21What about you? What have you been up to?
01:25:23What have you been up to, though?
01:25:25How about you guys?
01:25:27We started a mushroom company.
01:25:29I'm, like, sanctioning, like, gerbil fights
01:25:31in, like, Thailand and stuff.
01:25:33I go to jiu-jitsu. I roll with this guy, Ronaldo.
01:25:35He's super Brazilian. I can't understand a word he says.
01:25:37I've been foodistic for a long time, which has been great.
01:25:39We're doing mushroom pancakes.
01:25:41When I heard these people talk about their lives,
01:25:43I just sort of had this epiphany
01:25:45where I realized, like,
01:25:47wait a second.
01:25:51I don't give a f***
01:25:53about any of these people.
01:25:55We got to hang soon, man.
01:25:57We should get coffee.
01:25:59We got to hang soon.
01:26:01Dude, we got to, like, hang out soon.
01:26:03Yeah, no, we'll definitely hang soon,
01:26:05and I'm not just saying that.
01:26:07We're not either.
01:26:09I didn't remember that other time.
01:26:11You go up all the time.
01:26:13I'll wait for a chat.
01:26:15Sorry for pulling you out of that
01:26:17convo with Wesley Watershed.
01:26:19I just wanted to have a quick chat.
01:26:21Oh, no. That conversation sucked.
01:26:23This whole thing sucks,
01:26:25actually.
01:26:27Are Jathew and Agora even here?
01:26:29Seems like they're trying to make some grand entrance.
01:26:31I feel so dumb for
01:26:33caring so much about this.
01:26:35I know what you're saying. All right, look, Molly.
01:26:37I have a confession
01:26:39to make, okay?
01:26:43I've been juicing. I'm on rides.
01:26:45I know, Sam.
01:26:47Who the f*** told you?
01:26:51Of course I'm gonna invest in your company, bro.
01:26:53It sounds like a million-dollar idea.
01:26:55Just when I was about to Irish goodbye
01:26:57this reunion, I look across the bar,
01:26:59and I see Johnny wearing the sickest
01:27:01suit I have ever seen,
01:27:03and he looked like he was doing pretty well
01:27:05without me.
01:27:07And that didn't feel too good.
01:27:09What's up, man? What's up, dunk?
01:27:11How's it going? You slut, how are you?
01:27:13Hey, look, dude.
01:27:15I just want to get this out in the open.
01:27:17My bad for everything.
01:27:19You're one of my
01:27:21best friends, and third,
01:27:23to be exact. Third best friend?
01:27:25You really mean that? Yes, dude, third.
01:27:27It goes Zan, Bryce.
01:27:29Okay, wait.
01:27:31Okay, so you're actually your fourth.
01:27:33I could be fine with that, if we lock that in,
01:27:35if we, like, make sure it doesn't leave fourth.
01:27:37Dude, I was just caught up with all my own stuff,
01:27:39you know, and I disrespected you,
01:27:41and that wasn't cool.
01:27:43And honestly, dude,
01:27:45I need you back at Dunk Serve. I miss you.
01:27:49Things have been a vibe lately.
01:27:51I did Ayahuasca with Aldis when I was gone,
01:27:53and I talked to God, bro.
01:27:55God was like, if your squad
01:27:57doesn't put you in the group text
01:27:59that they're constantly talking about,
01:28:01and if they have, like, a reality show
01:28:03for the last three seasons, and they haven't even put, like,
01:28:05a sliver of you in the intro,
01:28:07and all the stuff with Danny and Tess,
01:28:09maybe you should start your own squad.
01:28:13So I've kind of come to terms with that, you know?
01:28:15And I'm happy now. Yeah, I get it, man.
01:28:17I'm stoked for you.
01:28:19But then all that stuff you just said,
01:28:21it's like,
01:28:23God can take an effing walk,
01:28:25because I'm with the boys. Yo, okay.
01:28:27All right.
01:28:29I don't want to be, like,
01:28:31a Steven Stickler on this, but
01:28:33I know you said, like,
01:28:35my bad a bunch, but for some reason,
01:28:37just the word sorry
01:28:39would personally just, like, really hit.
01:28:41Yeah, yeah. Well, look, man,
01:28:43if it means anything...
01:28:45It would, yeah.
01:28:47I want you to know from the bottom of my heart,
01:28:49it's my bad. Super my bad.
01:28:53Yeah, and my bad for letting you down, you know?
01:28:55I just need to focus on Dunk right now.
01:28:57And I actually do have to go apologize
01:28:59to Danny and Tessa.
01:29:01And not just say my bad,
01:29:03but, like, actually tell them I'm sorry.
01:29:07Wade Sanders.
01:29:09Yes?
01:29:11Cool.
01:29:13Aren't you class of 2013?
01:29:15Oh, 2013, am I?
01:29:17Guess what.
01:29:19Is that a taser? Tis.
01:29:21Jesus Christ. Unless you have a significant other,
01:29:23I'm gonna have to put you on the no-chill list.
01:29:25Well,
01:29:27what if, um...
01:29:29He's with me.
01:29:33Lexi Luthor.
01:29:35You're dating Wade?
01:29:49You know, a simple yes
01:29:51would have sufficed.
01:29:55Whoa! I'm surprised no one from our past
01:29:57walked in just now. Right?
01:30:01So, listen, I mean, I get it
01:30:03if you want to go hang with the class
01:30:05of 2010 or whatever.
01:30:07No, I haven't seen any of those people in
01:30:09ten years. I don't give a shit about them.
01:30:11I know, right? I feel like everyone here
01:30:13is a rando. I feel like even our squad
01:30:15has been acting like randos lately.
01:30:17Molly's a real estate agent now.
01:30:19Danny's dating Duncan
01:30:21and I didn't even know.
01:30:23Who the hell knows where Tessa ever is?
01:30:25She's probably smashing Bryce.
01:30:27Wait, what?
01:30:29Did that really happen?
01:30:31You bet your friggin' bottom dollar it happened.
01:30:33Do you solemnly swear you're telling the truth?
01:30:35The whole truth and nothing but it?
01:30:37So help me on God.
01:30:39Saw it with my own two eyes.
01:30:41They let you watch?
01:30:45What? No. I saw it by accident.
01:30:47Oh.
01:30:49Does anybody else know about this?
01:30:51Jiminy Crickets.
01:30:53I gotta tell the squad, right?
01:30:55No. Don't tell the squad.
01:30:57Don't tell the squad what?
01:30:59We're all here?
01:31:01Yeah.
01:31:03What's up?
01:31:05It's nothing.
01:31:07Come on.
01:31:09We were just talking about Tessa smashing Bryce.
01:31:11What?
01:31:13Are you serious?
01:31:15So everyone's snitching on me.
01:31:17I'm truly the young thug of this friend group, I swear.
01:31:19Okay, hold on.
01:31:21Duncan was dating Danny at the same time as me.
01:31:23This is nowhere near as bad as that.
01:31:25That's an acute observation.
01:31:27She's got a point.
01:31:29Listen, guys.
01:31:31These secrets.
01:31:33They're tearing the squad apart.
01:31:35What are we doing?
01:31:37Bryce.
01:31:39You gotta tell Duncan, man.
01:31:43You gotta tell Duncan.
01:31:45Hey, Danny, could I, uh,
01:31:47pull you for a chat real quick?
01:31:49Duncan, I don't want to do this here.
01:31:51Look, I know, okay?
01:31:53Look, I just want to say sorry, all right?
01:31:55I'm really bad at saying no,
01:31:57and I was all fired up on love at the wedding,
01:31:59and you and Tessa kept coming up to me,
01:32:01and you guys were acting super chill,
01:32:03and you guys were looking super hot,
01:32:05and I just handled it terribly.
01:32:07I couldn't say no to both of you,
01:32:09and I just want things to go back
01:32:11to the way they were,
01:32:13because you're one of my best friends.
01:32:17I appreciate you saying that.
01:32:19I really do.
01:32:21And I'm high-key heated about the whole thing still,
01:32:23but...
01:32:25I guess I'm down to be friends.
01:32:27Yeah?
01:32:29Yeah. Just friends.
01:32:31Just friends.
01:32:33Just friends.
01:32:35Felt so good to squash things with Danny
01:32:37that I couldn't help but think,
01:32:39damn, we handled that adversity
01:32:41pretty well.
01:32:45What are you doing?
01:32:47You know, I was always gonna choose you, girl.
01:32:49Duncan, stop.
01:32:51We're not getting back together.
01:32:53Yeah, yet.
01:32:57So, like, you're saying
01:32:59you were gonna pick me, then?
01:33:01Shit. Probably.
01:33:03I always loved you more.
01:33:05Tessa was just a ting.
01:33:07A what?
01:33:09A ting.
01:33:11Combination.
01:33:13Real bad mon.
01:33:15I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to talk like that.
01:33:17God.
01:33:19Look, Tessa, she literally means nothing to me.
01:33:21Duncan.
01:33:23I'm just gonna come out and say this, bro.
01:33:25What's up?
01:33:27I'm smashing Tessa.
01:33:31Consensually.
01:33:33Wait, what?
01:33:35Hey, yo, Johnny's here. What's up, dude?
01:33:37Johnny!
01:33:39Wait, wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa.
01:33:41What's up?
01:33:43What's poppin'?
01:33:45Group vibes.
01:33:47Can you repeat what you just said?
01:33:49I'm smashing Tessa, dude. I've been smashing Tessa,
01:33:51your ex-girlfriend.
01:33:53And look, dude, I like her, bro.
01:33:55And we were gonna take it a step further
01:33:57and embark on a super romantic trip,
01:33:59driving to San Diego or something.
01:34:01Is that cool with you?
01:34:07Yeah.
01:34:09Yeah?
01:34:11No, yeah. Totally cool.
01:34:13Okay, sick.
01:34:15I'm super cool.
01:34:17Look at this guy. He's in love.
01:34:19I'm stabbing him.
01:34:21I'm super excited about this.
01:34:23This is gonna work. This is gonna work.
01:34:25This is gonna work, yeah.
01:34:27Guys, I just want to piggyback
01:34:29off all this positivity
01:34:31and say I'm sorry for getting it twisted
01:34:33these last few weeks.
01:34:35You know, I just got so fixated
01:34:37on showing up to this reunion
01:34:39with the sickest truck
01:34:41and flexing on all these randos
01:34:43we haven't seen in ten-plus years
01:34:45that I lost sight of what matters.
01:34:49And that's this squad.
01:34:51And as long as we're together,
01:34:53I could care less
01:34:55about some stupid truck contest, right?
01:34:57Guys, after serious deliberation,
01:34:59the moment you've all been waiting for.
01:35:01The boat's half its capacity.
01:35:03We're announcing the winner!
01:35:07Dan, can you just say you didn't care about this?
01:35:09I know, but, like, you might as well just see who wins, right?
01:35:11Dude, I'm so fired up.
01:35:13Guys, the winner
01:35:15of the See Me High
01:35:1710-Year Reunion Truck Contest
01:35:19is
01:35:21Jeff U.S.!
01:35:23No!
01:35:25No, no, no, no,
01:35:27no!
01:35:29Not in here!
01:35:33Coming in hot
01:35:35with a straight-up monster truck.
01:35:37Bro, when a dude rolls in
01:35:39with a huge truck like that,
01:35:41you know his dick is massive.
01:35:43What up, class?
01:35:45Oh, dude!
01:35:47And Zonders Sonders is not
01:35:49looking pleased.
01:35:51Oh, the dude is taking it super heavy.
01:35:53Jesus Christ.
01:35:55I understand. You see a truck like that
01:35:57with so many babes coming out?
01:35:59Dude, that's got to make you
01:36:01I've been massively insecure and just depressed for days.
01:36:05Well, well, well.
01:36:07If it isn't the failed truck thieves themselves.
01:36:10What are you even talking about, bro?
01:36:12Hey, spy kids.
01:36:14Laser pointers don't take out cameras, homie.
01:36:16What does that mean?
01:36:17Quick game plan refresh.
01:36:19I'm gonna go in, find Jaffe's keys so we can steal his truck
01:36:23and win the best truck contest.
01:36:24What's your plan?
01:36:25I'm gonna go in, find whoever owned that whack-ass PT Cruiser,
01:36:28lie to his face, tell him that I like it,
01:36:30then he moves it and you can steal Jaffe's truck without any obstruction.
01:36:32Awesome.
01:36:33Okay.
01:36:34Let's do this, Wade Sanders.
01:36:35Let's do it, Donner Saunders.
01:36:36I don't know if that was...
01:36:37A deepfake.
01:36:38I don't know if, yeah, it's probably a deepfake.
01:36:39Deepfake, yeah.
01:36:40You straight-up lied to me.
01:36:42I'm feeling pretty hurt by all your actions right now, dude.
01:36:44Jaffe, baby.
01:36:46You're good, folks. You're good.
01:36:47Thanks, guys.
01:36:48I liked you guys.
01:36:51I used to look up to you in high school, you know?
01:36:53Now you're just dicks.
01:36:55Hearing Jaffe call us out for lying to him
01:36:59and telling us that we really hurt his feelings
01:37:01kind of made me realize they didn't really do anything wrong.
01:37:05You know, we just kind of turned them into villains in our heads
01:37:07because we were so jealous of their lifestyle.
01:37:09Now that we're here in front of our whole graduating class,
01:37:14it just kind of feels like the only thing we can really do right now is...
01:37:19beat their...ass.
01:37:21Yeah, you know what?
01:37:23I think I've heard just about enough out of you B-listers.
01:37:26Let's scrap.
01:37:27So be it.
01:37:29Hope this muay thai ain't too spicy for you.
01:37:31I think we should all throw down.
01:37:33Is this about to come to blows?
01:37:34Were you about to roughhouse?
01:37:35I'm ready to clash.
01:37:36I will straight-up skirmish right now.
01:37:38I'm trying to squab.
01:37:39I want to throw some hands, dog.
01:37:41It's gonna be a bloodbath.
01:37:43Oh, shit! It's the feds!
01:37:45Dude, the feds are here!
01:37:46Run!
01:37:48Oh, my God!
01:37:50Surprise, scumbag!
01:37:52Squat car diversion, y'all. Nailed it.
01:37:55You got the right to remain silent.
01:37:57Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
01:38:00What are you doing, Jeff? You get this guy off me.
01:38:02See? I'm coming in with massive jurisdiction.
01:38:04What are they even doing here, dude?
01:38:06What are you handcuffing me?
01:38:08Ow! They hurt.
01:38:10So what is happening?
01:38:12That is completely classified because this is an ongoing investigation.
01:38:15Oh. Okay.
01:38:16But if you insist on knowing,
01:38:18these two are a couple of big-time fraudsters.
01:38:21Yeah, they've been having open houses at Airbnbs
01:38:24for their reality TV show.
01:38:26They've been selling houses that they don't own,
01:38:29and they've been buying cars with investor money.
01:38:33Turns out Triangle Group Realty is a pyramid scheme.
01:38:38We found the entire plan over at Franco's Tacos.
01:38:41But, no, the commissions go up. It's like a funnel.
01:38:44Yeah, like a funnel.
01:38:45To the untrained eye.
01:38:47But upon further investigation...
01:38:51Oh!
01:38:52Oh, my God.
01:38:54Clearing up the story for those of us in the back.
01:38:56Thank you, feds.
01:38:58I'm sure glad you guys cleared that up quick.
01:39:00Let's go. Off to prison.
01:39:02Wait. What?
01:39:03You know what? Let this be a lesson to all of you.
01:39:06Stay authentic to yourselves, will you?
01:39:10You're out there trying too hard to be cool on your social media.
01:39:15You're prioritizing your facades and your phone screens
01:39:19for family and your squad.
01:39:22I think it's time you all kept it hundo, huh?
01:39:26Unless, of course, you want to get busted by the feds
01:39:31and exposed in front of all your friends.
01:39:34Like those dicks.
01:39:37Uh-huh. Yeah, okay, boomer.
01:39:39LAUGHTER
01:39:42Damn it!
01:39:44God damn it. I hate this generation.
01:39:48Enjoy jail, Jathew.
01:39:51Unlock it.
01:39:52All right, well, I guess now that Jathew's stolen truck
01:39:56has been disqualified, the winner...
01:40:00is Zonder Sonder!
01:40:03Yes!
01:40:07Yes!
01:40:09It was all worth it!
01:40:11It was all worth it!
01:40:15Oh!
01:40:25It's only been two weeks since the reunion,
01:40:28but it's crazy how much has happened.
01:40:31Molly's real estate sale got voided,
01:40:33and I had to sell back all the parts to my truck on Craigslist.
01:40:37My truck now looks exactly like it used to,
01:40:40and that's something I'm totally okay with.
01:40:43Molly shifted to a career
01:40:44in selling health and wellness supplements.
01:40:46It's a similar business model to Agora's,
01:40:48but she gets paid in timeshares, so it's chill.
01:40:51The DunkSurf sweatsuit drop was super successful,
01:40:54and we promised Johnny that if we ever do another season,
01:40:58we'll put him in the intro.
01:41:00Cheers!
01:41:01Duncan and Dani have been dating again,
01:41:03and so have Tessa and Bryce.
01:41:05Duncan says he's cool with it, but I highly doubt that.
01:41:08Hey, Bryce, you want my sloppy seconds, dude?
01:41:12For real?
01:41:15Bryce finally wrote his high school homies
01:41:18their letters of college recommendation.
01:41:20Unfortunately, it was way past the deadline,
01:41:23so they didn't get into any of the schools they wanted.
01:41:27Dani bought the house that Jaffe was pretending to live in,
01:41:30and now her, Duncan, Lexi, Wade, Bryce, and Tessa
01:41:33are all moving in together,
01:41:35and I don't see that being at all problematic.
01:41:38Molly and I finally came to terms with the fact
01:41:41that we haven't been happy in this relationship in years
01:41:44and agreed to have unprotected sex one last time
01:41:47and get a divorce.
01:41:49I was starting to get excited
01:41:51about starting a new chapter in my life.
01:41:54But then we found out that she's pregnant
01:41:56with our second child, Hawk Two, the rise of Hawk,
01:42:00and decided to put all that on hold.
01:42:03Unfortunately, Hawk Two did turn out to be a girl,
01:42:07but I'm not budging on the name.
01:42:09It's just too good.
01:42:11Life is starting to feel a lot like a circle.
01:42:15You know, it's like you get to this point
01:42:17where you realize your old way of life
01:42:20just doesn't work for you anymore.
01:42:22So you say it's time to make changes,
01:42:25but then those changes start to feel super uncomfortable.
01:42:30Super uncomfortable and inconvenient.
01:42:33So you say, you know what?
01:42:35Why don't we just put all that on hold,
01:42:37ride this high,
01:42:40and go back to what's familiar?
01:42:42Sometimes when you get to this point,
01:42:45you just got to look around and think to yourself,
01:42:50damn, it's good to be back.
01:42:55Oh, I almost forgot.
01:42:59Hawk straight-up died of old age.
01:43:03Oh, that I had the wings of a hawk.
01:43:07I would fly away, and I would be at rest.
01:43:12It was tough to see him go,
01:43:14but he just couldn't have lived a more full life.
01:43:19I knew the whole thing was going to be tough,
01:43:23I knew the whole squad was going to be sawed,
01:43:28but the one who took it the hardest was Bryce.
01:43:36Why is he looking at me like that?
01:43:39He's got a staring problem still?
01:43:41Dude, he's just, he's dead.
01:43:43No, dude.
01:43:44Come on, dude.
01:43:45No, dude.
01:43:46We're not doing it.
01:43:47It's your boy, Sam.
01:43:49It's your boy.
01:43:50Hey, hey, hey.
01:43:51Stop faking it.
01:43:52Get him up.
01:43:53Come back!
01:43:54Hawk, come back!
01:43:56And come at me, fool!
01:44:21I'm sorry.
01:44:22I'm sorry.
01:44:23I'm sorry.
01:44:24I'm sorry.
01:44:25I'm sorry.
01:44:26I'm sorry.
01:44:27I'm sorry.
01:44:28I'm sorry.
01:44:29I'm sorry.
01:44:30I'm sorry.
01:44:31I'm sorry.
01:44:32I'm sorry.
01:44:33I'm sorry.
01:44:34I'm sorry.
01:44:35I'm sorry.
01:44:36I'm sorry.
01:44:37I'm sorry.
01:44:38I'm sorry.
01:44:39I'm sorry.
01:44:40I'm sorry.
01:44:41I'm sorry.
01:44:42I'm sorry.
01:44:43I'm sorry.
01:44:44I'm sorry.
01:44:45I'm sorry.
01:44:46I'm sorry.
01:44:47I'm sorry.
01:44:48I'm sorry.
01:44:49I'm sorry.
01:44:50I'm sorry.
01:44:51I'm sorry.
01:44:52I'm sorry.
01:44:53I'm sorry.
01:44:54I'm sorry.
01:44:55I'm sorry.
01:44:56I'm sorry.
01:44:57I'm sorry.
01:44:58I'm sorry.
01:44:59I'm sorry.
01:45:00I'm sorry.
01:45:01I'm sorry.
01:45:02I'm sorry.
01:45:03I'm sorry.
01:45:04I'm sorry.
01:45:05I'm sorry.
01:45:06I'm sorry.
01:45:07I'm sorry.
01:45:08I'm sorry.
01:45:09I'm sorry.
01:45:10I'm sorry.
01:45:11I'm sorry.
01:45:12I'm sorry.
01:45:13I'm sorry.
01:45:14I'm sorry.
01:45:15I'm sorry.
01:45:16I'm sorry.
01:45:17I'm sorry.
01:45:18I'm sorry.
01:45:19I'm sorry.
01:45:20I'm sorry.
01:45:21I'm sorry.
01:45:22I'm sorry.
01:45:23I'm sorry.
01:45:24I'm sorry.
01:45:25I'm sorry.
01:45:26I'm sorry.
01:45:27I'm sorry.
01:45:28I'm sorry.
01:45:29I'm sorry.
01:45:30I'm sorry.
01:45:31I'm sorry.
01:45:32I'm sorry.
01:45:33I'm sorry.
01:45:34I'm sorry.
01:45:35I'm sorry.
01:45:36I'm sorry.
01:45:37I'm sorry.
01:45:38I'm sorry.
01:45:39I'm sorry.
01:45:40I'm sorry.
01:45:41I'm sorry.
01:45:42I'm sorry.
01:45:43I'm sorry.
01:45:44I'm sorry.
01:45:45I'm sorry.
01:45:46I'm sorry.
01:45:47I'm sorry.