A man who is facing his imminent death attempts to make amends and a human connection with people in his life that he had created distance with after a tragedy.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I'm sorry, we tried everything we could.
00:00:28What does that mean? He's gone.
00:00:42I'm gonna go see him.
00:01:28Mateus, we're live in 20 seconds.
00:01:58Arming the marks in five.
00:02:28Five, four, three, two, one.
00:08:25Hi. I'm making this video because it...
00:08:34Hello.
00:08:54I wish that I could make a separate video for each...
00:09:04Hi. I'm making this video because I want you to understand why I've done what I've done.
00:09:34Hey.
00:09:45Hey.
00:09:48So?
00:09:50So...
00:09:54Today?
00:09:55No.
00:09:59No.
00:10:00No, it's bad.
00:10:01I almost passed out walking into the studio.
00:10:07It's more frequent now, more intense, and it's gone into my back.
00:10:18But...
00:10:21Today? No.
00:10:24But I'm glad you called because I was just thinking
00:10:26maybe we could delay a little bit, maybe till four or so.
00:10:34That'd be all right? We don't have to do it at all.
00:10:37I know we don't have to do it at all. I just...
00:10:40I just realized there's some things I need to do.
00:10:46So...
00:10:46Okay.
00:10:47Yeah.
00:10:48Okay.
00:10:49Yeah, so four o'clock.
00:10:52Okay.
00:10:52Yeah.
00:10:56Make sure you don't need anything. I'm just fine as before.
00:10:59Yeah.
00:11:06Just water or clear juice.
00:11:12It's okay.
00:11:14Yeah.
00:11:17Thank you.
00:11:19I'll see you at four, huh?
00:11:24Okay.
00:11:24Yeah, I'm here for you, man.
00:11:25I know.
00:11:27If you need anything else before then, I'm around. Just give me a call.
00:11:30Okay, I will. I appreciate it. All right, I'll see you.
00:11:33Okay.
00:11:34All right.
00:11:35Bye.
00:11:57What are you going to say?
00:12:20I want you to know that I...
00:12:27I want you to know that I...
00:12:32I'm sorry.
00:12:40I feel...
00:12:56I feel...
00:13:21Hey.
00:13:25Sorry, can you hear me?
00:13:26Yeah.
00:13:28Hi.
00:13:29Hey, is everything okay?
00:13:34Oh, yeah. I was just...
00:13:36Well, I just, you know, I would... I usually expect like a text,
00:13:41not just kind of a random phone call out of the blue, you know?
00:13:46Yeah, well, sorry about that. I...
00:13:50I mean, I, you know, that's why I didn't pick up. I'm just...
00:13:53Oh.
00:13:54I just thought it was kind of weird, so I...
00:13:57So everything's okay?
00:14:00Well, I guess I wanted you to know that...
00:14:10Well, I'm feeling kind of bad that we're not, you know, we're not as close as we used to be.
00:14:21And that we don't, you know, we don't talk that often.
00:14:26In fact, I don't even know...
00:14:27When's the last time we talked was something about mom and dad's will, right?
00:14:32Yeah.
00:14:33Yeah. And I just feel...
00:14:34Well, you know, I've called you, I've sent you a lot of texts.
00:14:39You know, I've got a closet full of stuff that's half the shit is yours.
00:14:46Um, you know, I told you I'm completely open.
00:14:51You could have come and gone through all of this with me anytime.
00:14:56Um, it's still, you know, the invitation is still open. I'm here.
00:15:03Yeah. Well, yeah, I appreciate that. I...
00:15:09You know, speaking of old stuff, I, um, when I've tried to FaceTime you before,
00:15:15I had the camera pointed at this old timey photo. I don't know if you remember, um,
00:15:20the one where I'm sitting in your lap. It's...
00:15:23I don't know how... I guess I must be five and you're 11 or something like that.
00:15:29And, uh, you know, do you remember that at all?
00:15:33I don't know. I don't.
00:15:35That's okay. But I just...
00:15:38I just... I really just wanted to say that I regret that we've drifted apart.
00:15:46And, uh, I know that I wasn't...
00:15:48I really... I wasn't there as much as I wanted to be to help out with mom and dad there at the end.
00:15:56And, uh...
00:15:59Yeah. I mean...
00:16:03Well, it's kind of done, you know?
00:16:08Mm-hmm.
00:16:09Yeah. I mean, I... Yeah. I really could have used your help.
00:16:13Yeah, I know.
00:16:14I mean, there was a lot of... You know, I mean...
00:16:20I mean, I literally...
00:16:22Yeah.
00:16:24No, no, you're right. You're right. You're right. I don't want to get into all that.
00:16:26Honestly.
00:16:27No, you're right. I don't want to get into all that. I just... I wanted to... I just wanted to kind of...
00:16:32I'm...
00:16:35You're, um...
00:16:36I guess it's important for me to communicate to you that you're, you know, you're a dear person to me, obviously.
00:16:44And, um...
00:16:46Well, here's the thing...
00:16:46You know what? You know what I was...
00:16:47No, no, no, no, no. Here's the thing, though. I mean...
00:16:52Are you sick or something? I mean, where is this kind of coming from? I'm...
00:16:59I'm just a little surprised.
00:17:00Yeah. No, I guess I've just been doing some soul-searching, and I know that I haven't, um...
00:17:15I haven't been the best brother to you, and, um...
00:17:21You know, can... I just want to say...
00:17:24You know, can... I just want to say...
00:17:32I'm okay. I'm fine.
00:17:35I... I have a family that loves me and supports me, and I have a support system.
00:17:45I've been a support system
00:17:47for Laura, and I love her like she's my own, but I'm not you.
00:18:00Yeah, well, I...
00:18:01And, uh...
00:18:03You know, that's a...
00:18:04I mean, for... I don't really think that you really... I mean, when you're coming...
00:18:07I don't know. It's just... It's just kind of bizarre.
00:18:10Yeah, no, I... I didn't really call it... I didn't... I didn't call to talk about Laura.
00:18:18I just wanted to...
00:18:19That's... I guess you're right, because you don't really ever call to talk about Laura.
00:18:27I mean, when you call at all. You know, I was thinking,
00:18:30you should really get an Instagram. You know why? Because I know more about people
00:18:34I don't give a shit about than you know about your own daughter. So, just a thought.
00:18:42Okay. Sorry, I just wanted to let you know that you're important to me.
00:18:52I know that I'm important to you. I want more to be important, you know,
00:18:57but I don't want to go around and around and around, so... And I have a grocery pickup
00:19:05that I have to do in like 20 minutes, so...
00:19:08Okay.
00:19:09Uh, you know, I would... I would... I'm gonna lose you if I... when I go downhill, so...
00:19:15Okay.
00:19:15I... I just can't...
00:19:20I don't know. I just... That's all I can tell you.
00:19:22Okay.
00:19:23And... And that's all I want from you.
00:19:24Okay.
00:19:25Really.
00:19:25Okay.
00:19:26And when... That's all I want, okay?
00:19:28Okay.
00:19:28Talk to you later.
00:19:29Yeah.
00:19:29Bye.
00:19:31Okay.
00:19:39Bye.
00:20:01Hey, Harry!
00:20:04Hey, hold on a second, will you? I'll be right there.
00:20:09Hey, Harry. Sorry about that. I'm not moving as fast as I normally do.
00:20:19I just had a couple of documents that I wanted to personally hand you,
00:20:23because they're kind of important.
00:20:25In the Department of Health and... and lawyers and shit like that.
00:20:33Yeah, that's it as far as... as far as the mail goes.
00:20:37All right. See you tomorrow.
00:20:44Hey, Harry?
00:20:47Hey, Harry?
00:20:50Yeah.
00:20:53I just realized...
00:20:56In the what? I don't know how long it's been. Five years or whatever
00:20:59that you've been dropping off mail here, I...
00:21:02I never took the time, because I'm always so busy to... to get to know you at all,
00:21:07other than, you know, here's... here's what I'm giving you, here's what you're giving me, and...
00:21:12I don't know. I mean, like, for instance, do you have a family?
00:21:15Yeah, I have a daughter.
00:21:16Oh, do you?
00:21:17Yeah.
00:21:17So do... Oh.
00:21:20How old?
00:21:22About 18.
00:21:23About 18?
00:21:24Yeah.
00:21:25I can't keep counting.
00:21:26Yeah.
00:21:28That's nice, man. That's nice.
00:21:30Well, I'll talk to you later.
00:21:43Are you and she close?
00:21:45Yeah, we're pretty close.
00:21:48That's good.
00:21:53Stay close with her.
00:21:55I'll try, man.
00:22:00What else do you like to do?
00:22:03Um...
00:22:03Besides mailmanning.
00:22:05When I'm not being a mailman, I'm a stand-up comic.
00:22:08Oh, fooling.
00:22:09Yeah.
00:22:10Oh, man. You know what?
00:22:14I've always felt like stand-up comedians are the bravest artists,
00:22:19because you got to get up there and risk bombing.
00:22:23No, we're not brave. We're just foolish.
00:22:26No, we're not brave. We're just foolish.
00:22:30But you've killed a lot, huh?
00:22:32Uh, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that.
00:22:35Hey, man.
00:22:38I know this is a dumb question,
00:22:41but you tell me one of your jokes like your best.
00:22:44The one that kills every time.
00:22:46Like right now?
00:22:48Yeah.
00:22:49Well, I mean, this is my primary job.
00:22:53I feel like I'm on the clock. I shouldn't be telling jokes.
00:22:57Oh. Okay.
00:23:01Okay.
00:23:01All right. I'll see you.
00:23:08Hey, Harry?
00:23:15Good luck, man.
00:23:23So
00:23:45Hey, Michelle, period.
00:23:47I'm sorry for the late notice, but I was wondering if you and I could do a FaceTime call later,
00:23:57period.
00:23:59Maybe noon? Question mark.
00:24:04Let me know, period.
00:24:07Thanks.
00:25:17Yeah.
00:25:47Hey.
00:26:05Well, I can barely hear you.
00:26:06Hold on. Get the volume up.
00:26:11I can't shoot.
00:26:14Oh, there you are.
00:26:15Can you...
00:26:16Oh, there you are.
00:26:18Hey, I can't actually do 12. I have a Zoom meeting.
00:26:22So I have a few seconds.
00:26:25You have a few seconds?
00:26:27Yeah, I can't do 12. I have a Zoom meeting.
00:26:30So can you talk right now?
00:26:33Yeah.
00:26:46Okay.
00:27:16Hi.
00:27:21Hello.
00:27:22Hi.
00:27:23Hi. Sorry about that. Sorry about the reception.
00:27:26No, no, that's okay. I appreciate you trying.
00:27:28Yeah, I only have a few seconds. I only have a few seconds to talk right now.
00:27:33Oh, okay.
00:27:36Okay, well, everything's okay with you?
00:27:40Yeah, yeah, we're good. You know, we're just, you know, a little bit in limbo with work and stuff,
00:27:45but everything's good. Boys are good.
00:27:46Boys are good? Okay.
00:27:48Yeah.
00:27:48Okay.
00:27:49What about you? What about you?
00:27:53Yeah, I got work, you know, kind of a little bit of a limbo myself.
00:27:59Yeah, well, join the club.
00:28:02But so, what is it? What's up?
00:28:06Well, a lot, actually, but I wanted to ask about Laura. How is she doing?
00:28:15Uh, well, she's been better.
00:28:20Really? What's going on?
00:28:24You got her number?
00:28:27Yeah, yeah. Hold on.
00:28:32Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:28:36206.
00:28:38Tyler, I know you technically have her number. I'm just saying you have a number, right?
00:28:43Right.
00:28:44Yeah, so?
00:28:47So, maybe I can help.
00:28:50I don't know. Maybe you can.
00:28:55Well, I just, I wouldn't want to intrude or anything like that.
00:29:01Cause her any more trouble.
00:29:03Tyler, I mean, are you waiting for me to tell you what to do?
00:29:14Are you looking for me to tell you that it might be a good idea for you to call her?
00:29:20You want to know if she needs you?
00:29:25Sure.
00:29:29Well, she can tell you that.
00:29:36Yeah, it's just, I don't know if it's a good idea to call her.
00:29:39Well, I don't know either. I don't know. You have to find out from her.
00:29:43I mean, I gotta go. I have to go now.
00:29:44Well, hold on one second. There's something I...
00:29:46Tyler, Tyler, I really have to go. I have to ring off.
00:29:48I just want you to know, Shelley, that...
00:29:52I gotta go.
00:31:13I gotta go.
00:31:44Hey, Kat.
00:31:46Hey.
00:31:48Hey, go ahead and set up. I'll be right there.
00:31:50Okay.
00:32:00What are you gonna tell him?
00:32:14Okay.
00:32:34Let's see how you did.
00:32:40Perfect, as usual.
00:32:44How are you?
00:32:46Pretty good.
00:32:48Yeah? Only pretty good?
00:32:50Yeah.
00:32:52Yeah?
00:32:54What you been up to?
00:32:56Gaming.
00:33:04So, uh, how are things at home?
00:33:08It's been going fine lately.
00:33:10Getting along with your brothers?
00:33:12Sometimes.
00:33:14Yeah.
00:33:20How are things with your mom's new fella?
00:33:22Well, it's, uh...
00:33:24It's always a new one.
00:33:30Should we take a look?
00:33:36Nice?
00:33:42Yeah.
00:33:50Wait a minute.
00:33:52Go back.
00:33:54One more.
00:34:04What is this?
00:34:12I don't know.
00:34:28So what are you gonna do with those images?
00:34:30I'm going to download them to my school computer.
00:34:32And then what?
00:34:34I'm going to copy them to these.
00:34:36Nice.
00:34:38How many?
00:34:40Why?
00:34:42Because if you don't have them in three places,
00:34:44you don't really want to keep them.
00:34:48What's neutral in that shot?
00:34:50Balance for daylight.
00:34:52So tungsten light would play...
00:34:54Yellow.
00:34:56How do you get greater depth of field?
00:34:58Stop down.
00:35:00What's the tradeoff?
00:35:02Slower shutter speed.
00:35:04What's the side effect of that?
00:35:06Motion blur.
00:35:11And, uh...
00:35:13What's our...
00:35:15Our favorite portrait lens?
00:35:17Medium telephoto.
00:35:19Why?
00:35:21It's less distortion than a normal right-field lens.
00:35:23It's more pleasing.
00:35:27Very good.
00:35:35What's that?
00:35:38Oh, that's a cam card setup, Lynn.
00:35:40But who is it?
00:35:44Um...
00:35:46That's me and my son.
00:35:48I didn't know you had a son.
00:35:52Is he grown up?
00:35:55Uh, he died.
00:35:57Passed away about ten years ago.
00:35:59He was around your age.
00:36:03Sorry.
00:36:05Sorry.
00:36:07It's okay.
00:36:12What's his name?
00:36:14Isaac.
00:36:16Do you have any other kids?
00:36:18Yeah, I have a daughter.
00:36:20Where is she?
00:36:22As far as I know, she's a senior in college.
00:36:24What's her name?
00:36:26Laura.
00:36:29Where is she?
00:36:32Like I said, she's, uh...
00:36:34She's in college and in Seattle.
00:36:37But I haven't seen her in quite a while.
00:36:39Why?
00:36:44That's kind of hard to explain.
00:36:46It's just...
00:36:48Well, we kind of lost touch.
00:36:51I think she did wrong.
00:36:55Just after Isaac died, I couldn't, um...
00:37:05Better off without me, anyway.
00:37:08Do you miss her?
00:37:12Do you miss your dad?
00:37:16Yeah.
00:37:19Yeah.
00:37:25So, Kev...
00:37:29I have some bad news. I have some good news.
00:37:34But the bad news is that...
00:37:36This is going to have to be our last lesson together.
00:37:39Why?
00:37:42Well, I'm not feeling well.
00:37:45I'm sick.
00:37:48Maybe you noticed. Maybe you noticed that I'm not...
00:37:52Moving as quickly as I used to.
00:37:55Don't have as much energy.
00:38:00So I'm...
00:38:02Not going to be able to teach you anymore.
00:38:08In fact, I'm not going to be able to...
00:38:10Keep the studio going anymore.
00:38:15And I want you to understand something.
00:38:17It's really important to me...
00:38:19That you understand this.
00:38:21It has nothing whatsoever to do with you.
00:38:25I love doing this with you.
00:38:29It's the only thing.
00:38:33I really look forward to it.
00:38:39But, hey, you don't...
00:38:41You really don't need me anymore.
00:38:43Look at your stuff. It's great.
00:38:46You've...
00:38:49You know how to use that instrument.
00:38:51Now it's what you want to say, what you want to express.
00:38:56I think you're a really good photographer.
00:38:58And I think you're an even better kid.
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:11How are you feeling?
00:39:19Yeah, me too.
00:39:25Well, are you ready for the good news?
00:39:33Yeah.
00:39:45Take that.
00:39:59That's a D4.
00:40:01That's the camera a professional shoots.
00:40:05How does it feel?
00:40:07Heavy.
00:40:12Well, guess what?
00:40:14It's yours.
00:40:18It's yours to keep.
00:40:20Thanks.
00:40:25What do you think?
00:40:27I think I want to go home now.
00:40:32Yeah, sure.
00:40:36Yeah, that camera's gonna open up a whole new world for you, Kev.
00:40:42How's that lens? Pretty sweet, right?
00:40:46Hey, Kev.
00:40:49Why don't you...
00:40:52Why don't you show me what you can do with that thing?
00:40:54Let's shoot something. What do you want to shoot?
00:41:01I don't know.
00:41:10How's it look?
00:41:12Good.
00:41:20Well?
00:41:31Good.
00:42:01Mercy?
00:42:03Hey, that's my purse!
00:42:06How come you have it? Tyler, what happened?
00:42:09I saw you walk in with those flowers, and you left it on the top of the car.
00:42:13I waited for you for a second to come back.
00:42:15Thank you.
00:42:17I figured I'd better take it.
00:42:19I'm so absent-minded. We're just being so crazy in here.
00:42:21Oh, that's okay.
00:42:23Thanks. Just a second.
00:42:25I'm so sorry.
00:42:27It's okay.
00:42:29We're just being so crazy in here.
00:42:31Oh, that's okay.
00:42:33Thanks. Just set it down right there. I still have to fix this up.
00:42:35Oh. Is it for a special occasion?
00:42:37Yes. Easter is coming, so we've got to make sure we have all these...
00:42:43Are you okay?
00:42:45You need some water?
00:42:47Oh, no, no.
00:42:49I want to thank you.
00:42:55Just breathe. I'm here.
00:42:57Thank you.
00:43:01You know, I've never actually been in here.
00:43:07It's lovely.
00:43:09It's really lovely.
00:43:11It's...
00:43:13No offense, but it's not much to look at from the outside.
00:43:15But it's...
00:43:17It's really nice in here.
00:43:19That's true. Well, I'm glad you came in.
00:43:21But...
00:43:23You don't look so good.
00:43:25Tommy?
00:43:31I'm tired.
00:43:41And I...
00:43:47Just wonder sometimes if it's all worthwhile.
00:43:55Have you ever asked yourself that?
00:43:57Yes. Yes, I have.
00:44:01And what answer do you give yourself?
00:44:05On a dark day?
00:44:07Uh-huh.
00:44:09That it's not.
00:44:11But then...
00:44:13Always something pulls me back
00:44:15and shows me that it's not true.
00:44:17And what's that?
00:44:19My faith.
00:44:21Yeah.
00:44:23And what about someone who...
00:44:27Who doesn't share the same faith as you?
00:44:31What would you tell that person?
00:44:33I would tell them
00:44:35to focus on the gifts
00:44:37of the good days
00:44:41and where they came from
00:44:45and how they made them feel.
00:44:51Focus on the light
00:44:55of those moments.
00:44:57And what if those moments were...
00:45:01ten years ago?
00:45:03And you haven't had any since?
00:45:07There's always time
00:45:09for those things to come back.
00:45:13There's always hope for happiness
00:45:15to reach you again.
00:45:17But if you're not here,
00:45:19you're not in the system.
00:45:21You know?
00:45:25Yeah.
00:45:27I know you're not my faith.
00:45:29You do?
00:45:31Well, it seems that you're not.
00:45:33You're here, though.
00:45:35Something must have called you in here
00:45:37other than just my purse.
00:45:39You know?
00:45:41Somebody could have taken that
00:45:43and we would have never been in here.
00:45:45But you're here.
00:45:47That spiritual connection.
00:45:51That moment in those ten years ago
00:45:53that
00:45:55filled you with happiness.
00:45:57What was it?
00:46:11I had a son
00:46:13who died.
00:46:23I'm sorry for your loss.
00:46:25Thank you.
00:46:29I can't imagine the pain.
00:46:33Can I ask you...
00:46:39You said faith.
00:46:41And is it that faith that
00:46:45allows you to go to heaven
00:46:47when you die?
00:46:51No.
00:46:53What is it?
00:46:55See,
00:46:57I believe in this temple
00:46:59that God lives here.
00:47:01What if I don't believe that?
00:47:05I would say
00:47:07that to bring yourself back
00:47:09to those ten years ago
00:47:11when you had your son
00:47:13and that love that you felt,
00:47:17it's the type of love that God has
00:47:19for all His creatures.
00:47:21Even if you don't believe in Him,
00:47:23He still loves you,
00:47:25still loves your son,
00:47:27and He gave us, in this faith,
00:47:29the possibility to reunite
00:47:31with our loved ones.
00:47:33Even if you've never seen
00:47:35the inside of a church?
00:47:37Even if you've never seen
00:47:39the inside of a church.
00:47:45Can I ask you,
00:47:47have you ever
00:47:53done something that you
00:47:55wish you could have
00:47:57changed,
00:47:59that you wish you could change?
00:48:03Do you feel like it's too late
00:48:05to change it?
00:48:07Yes.
00:48:09Yes, yes, I have.
00:48:13Major things,
00:48:15small things,
00:48:17you know,
00:48:19things I wish I could take back,
00:48:23that I feel guilty about.
00:48:25Yeah.
00:48:27Yeah.
00:48:29But I go back to that,
00:48:31that God is love,
00:48:33and He already forgave me.
00:48:35And I don't have to kick myself about that,
00:48:37I don't have to let the world kick me about it.
00:48:39I don't have to let the world tell me I'm guilty.
00:48:43Because I already repented in my heart.
00:48:47Have you repented in your heart?
00:48:55I don't know.
00:49:01Well, I...
00:49:05I'm sorry.
00:49:07Thank you for talking to me.
00:49:09Anytime.
00:49:11I'm glad you stopped by.
00:49:15We're neighbors,
00:49:17and you would never talk.
00:49:19I know, I'm sorry.
00:49:25But this house is always open to you.
00:49:27Thank you.
00:49:31Okay, nice to see you.
00:49:33Thanks again.
00:49:35You take care.
00:49:37Okay, I only took...
00:49:39I only took the 40 bucks.
00:49:41Thank you for bringing that back.
00:49:43I would have been lost without it.
00:49:47Aren't these beautiful?
00:49:49Oh, yeah, they're beautiful.
00:49:51Yeah, yeah.
00:49:53You're gonna be okay?
00:49:55We'll see.
00:49:57Okay.
00:50:01Okay, take care.
00:50:03All right.
00:50:05I mean, really.
00:50:07Take care.
00:50:11I will.
00:50:13You too.
00:50:15Bye.
00:50:25Bye.
00:50:55Thanks.
00:51:25Phone ringing.
00:51:43Hi, this is Laura.
00:51:45I can't come to the phone right now,
00:51:47but if you leave your name and number,
00:51:49I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
00:51:51Thanks.
00:51:55Bye.
00:52:11Phone ringing.
00:52:19Hi, this is Laura.
00:52:21I can't come to the phone right now,
00:52:23but if you leave your name and number,
00:52:25I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
00:52:27Thanks.
00:52:29Hey, Laura.
00:52:31It's your dad.
00:52:37Sorry about that.
00:52:39Sorry about the first voicemail too.
00:52:41That was kind of...
00:52:43I didn't mean to...
00:52:45Anyway, I'm wondering
00:52:47if maybe you could call me back
00:52:49as soon as you get this.
00:52:51Yeah.
00:52:53Just call me back
00:52:55early as time you can.
00:52:57As soon as you can. Be great.
00:52:59And, uh,
00:53:015-0...
00:53:03Well, I guess you got my number right.
00:53:05All right.
00:53:21Phone ringing.
00:53:31Phone ringing.
00:53:45Hello?
00:53:47Hello?
00:53:49What?
00:53:51I'm sorry...
00:53:53What, Tyler?
00:53:57Well, I'm just...
00:53:59I'm sorry about the messages.
00:54:01Two messages I just sent you.
00:54:03Sorry about that.
00:54:05But I appreciate you calling me back.
00:54:07You called me.
00:54:09I just, uh...
00:54:11I saw that
00:54:13you called,
00:54:15and I'm not interested
00:54:17I'm not interested in talking early right now.
00:54:19Oh.
00:54:21Is there something you wanted to say to me?
00:54:23Well, I wanted
00:54:25just to know how you're doing.
00:54:29Um...
00:54:33I'm...
00:54:35I'm doing fine.
00:54:37I'm doing fine.
00:54:39Oh, hold on.
00:54:41Can you just hold on one second?
00:54:43I have to...
00:54:45Did Mom ask you to call me?
00:54:47I mean...
00:54:49No, no, no.
00:54:51No.
00:54:53Why do you care how I'm doing?
00:54:55You've never asked how I'm doing.
00:54:57Well, I did talk
00:54:59to your mom, though,
00:55:01earlier, and she did...
00:55:03She kind of alluded
00:55:05to the idea
00:55:07that maybe you weren't doing so well,
00:55:09and...
00:55:11Oh, my God.
00:55:13Well, there's, you know, it's, um...
00:55:15Everyone's not doing well,
00:55:17but I'm fine, you know?
00:55:19I don't think that
00:55:21checking in on me
00:55:23after...
00:55:25I don't know how...
00:55:27Four years since I've seen you last?
00:55:29Um...
00:55:31I'm doing fine.
00:55:33Tyler, I'm doing fine,
00:55:35and you don't have to worry about it, okay?
00:55:37No, I'm...
00:55:39I'm not worried about it.
00:55:41Are you sure?
00:55:43Because...
00:55:45Your mom, I think she said
00:55:47you've been better or something like that,
00:55:49and so...
00:55:51What the fuck do you want right now, okay?
00:55:53I'm...
00:55:55No, I'm not doing fine.
00:55:57I'm not.
00:55:59I'm leaving school at the end of this semester.
00:56:01I can't afford
00:56:03to get back into school
00:56:05after this semester.
00:56:07I've lost my scholarships,
00:56:09and I'm not sure where I'm going to be living right now.
00:56:11I'm actually...
00:56:13Oh, God.
00:56:15Your mom?
00:56:17I'm...
00:56:23Your mom?
00:56:25Gary left me.
00:56:29Gary left me,
00:56:31and I'm...
00:56:33I had a miscarriage.
00:56:35I had a miscarriage
00:56:37six months ago,
00:56:39and I'm...
00:56:41I'm...
00:56:45I'm...
00:56:47I'm just feeling
00:56:49really bad right now.
00:56:51Gary...
00:56:53He blamed me for it,
00:56:55and he's gone.
00:56:59And I'm...
00:57:01I can't...
00:57:03I can't...
00:57:05I can't do this right now, okay?
00:57:07I can't do it right now.
00:57:09I can't talk to you.
00:57:11I...
00:57:13I...
00:57:15Okay.
00:57:19Why do you care?
00:57:21What are you going to do about it, huh?
00:57:23What are you going to do?
00:57:27I have nothing.
00:57:33What are you going to do about it, huh?
00:57:37You care.
00:57:39You wanted...
00:57:41You calling to see how I'm doing
00:57:43isn't how I'm fucking doing, okay?
00:57:47I'm...
00:57:49I gotta go.
00:58:03What are you going to do now?
00:58:21What are you going to do now?
00:58:33I...
00:58:35I...
00:58:37I...
00:58:39I...
00:58:41I...
00:58:43I...
00:58:47I...
00:58:49I...
00:58:51I...
00:58:53I...
00:58:55I...
00:58:57I...
00:58:59I...
00:59:01I...
00:59:05He's here.
00:59:21Hello?
00:59:23Hey.
00:59:27I'll be right down.
00:59:31I'll be right down.
00:59:45Hey.
00:59:51Hey, bud.
00:59:53Hey, bud.
00:59:59Did you paint that?
01:00:01No.
01:00:03An old acquaintance of mine from Art Center.
01:00:07Last night I did this live stream
01:00:09of the Spokane String Quartet.
01:00:13My last gig, I guess.
01:00:17And right in the middle of it I had the thought,
01:00:19this is the last music I'm ever going to hear.
01:00:23And that got me thinking,
01:00:25what's the last thing I'm going to see?
01:00:31Of course it had to be him.
01:00:37And it's either that or this.
01:00:49Hey, you want a glass of wine?
01:00:51Hey.
01:01:17Hey, you want a glass of wine?
01:01:19I bought this incredible bottle.
01:01:21It was for my wedding day.
01:01:23It was supposed to be open tomorrow.
01:01:25I know, I know, I know.
01:01:27Just a couple of little sips.
01:01:33Genius wine.
01:01:35Well...
01:01:39I think I might have something a little better.
01:01:49What do I got here?
01:01:57Holy shit.
01:02:05Wow, 27 years.
01:02:09Man.
01:02:11What did you do?
01:02:13Refinance your house?
01:02:15Wow.
01:02:17Thank you.
01:02:19I figured it was a...
01:02:23special occasion, I guess.
01:02:25Yeah, I guess it is, isn't it?
01:02:27How often do you do this?
01:02:31Wow.
01:02:35I guess you get to keep the bottle, don't you?
01:02:39I didn't really think of that.
01:02:41I could get my lawyers on the line
01:02:43and get a change to include the bottle.
01:02:47Wow.
01:02:51Thank you.
01:02:53It's not entirely for pleasure
01:02:57to mix the...
01:03:01the cocktail with either vodka, Grand Marnier, or whiskey.
01:03:05Well, I know how you feel about the first two.
01:03:13Where is it? Can I see it?
01:03:39Okay, what do we got here?
01:03:43Well, we have...
01:03:45anti-nausea medication,
01:03:49which is to be taken
01:03:51an hour before.
01:03:55And then...
01:03:59the cocktail,
01:04:01which consists of diazepam,
01:04:03which is a valium.
01:04:07Morphine, we all know what that is.
01:04:09Digoxin.
01:04:11And propranolol, which is...
01:04:15chill you the fuck out, I guess.
01:04:17What was the...
01:04:19the middle one?
01:04:21Started with a D?
01:04:23Digoxin.
01:04:25Yeah, what's that?
01:04:27Stop the heart.
01:04:35And where do we get more paperwork?
01:04:37That's unbelievable.
01:04:39That's for me.
01:04:41And what is that?
01:04:43It is...
01:04:49Washington State
01:04:51Attending Physicians
01:04:53After Death Reporting Form.
01:04:57So I guess you haven't filled that one out yet.
01:05:03Just one section.
01:05:05Which section?
01:05:09You wanna hear it?
01:05:11Lay it on me.
01:05:19Question number seven.
01:05:21Seven possible concerns
01:05:23that may have contributed
01:05:25to the patient's decision
01:05:27to request a prescription for lethal...
01:05:29for the lethal dose of medication
01:05:31are shown below.
01:05:33Please check yes,
01:05:35no,
01:05:37or don't know,
01:05:39depending on whether or not you believe
01:05:41that concern contributed to the request.
01:05:43Mm-hmm.
01:05:47Concern about the financial cost
01:05:49of treating or prolonging
01:05:51his or her terminal condition.
01:05:55I put no.
01:05:57Correct.
01:05:59The decreasing ability
01:06:01to participate in activities
01:06:03that make life enjoyable.
01:06:05Yes.
01:06:07His or her terminal...
01:06:09By the way, did you...
01:06:11you have Kevin's contact information, right?
01:06:15Kevin, my neighbor kid
01:06:17who I teach photography.
01:06:19Yes.
01:06:21Got his address, got his mom's number.
01:06:23I'm gonna check it.
01:06:25You're gonna check it, okay.
01:06:29Make sure he's taken care of.
01:06:31Okay. What's next?
01:06:35Uh...
01:06:37his or her terminal condition
01:06:39representing a steady loss
01:06:41of autonomy.
01:06:43Mm.
01:06:45The physical or emotional burden
01:06:47on family, friends,
01:06:49caregivers.
01:06:53I put no.
01:06:57The loss of control...
01:06:59You couldn't even tell him.
01:07:01Sorry.
01:07:03I talked to my sister.
01:07:05I talked to Michelle.
01:07:07And I talked to Laura.
01:07:11I couldn't tell any of them.
01:07:17I felt like I just...
01:07:19What right have I to tell them
01:07:21what...
01:07:23I haven't earned that right
01:07:25to burden them in that way?
01:07:27Oh, hey, everybody that I've...
01:07:29that I've pushed away...
01:07:33I'm sick. I'm dying.
01:07:35Come gather around the flag for me.
01:07:43Anyway.
01:07:45Next?
01:07:51Oh, is that it?
01:07:53No. Um...
01:07:55The loss of control of bodily functions
01:07:57such as incontinence and vomiting.
01:07:59Yes.
01:08:01Inadequate pain control
01:08:03at the end of life.
01:08:05Yes.
01:08:07The loss of dignity.
01:08:09Yes.
01:08:25You hear those birds?
01:08:27Mm-hmm.
01:08:31It's nice.
01:08:39What time is it?
01:08:43419.
01:08:47And you said those two
01:08:49went one hour before?
01:08:51Yes.
01:08:53Yes.
01:08:59OK.
01:09:01May I?
01:09:09Thank you.
01:09:17One each?
01:09:19Yes, one each.
01:09:23OK.
01:09:49Can you do it?
01:09:53Yes.
01:10:23Well, should we...
01:10:25should we, uh...
01:10:27should we toast 1994?
01:10:33Why 1994?
01:10:35Well, there's a Japanese
01:10:37whiskey-drinking tradition
01:10:39that you...
01:10:41you toast the year
01:10:43the whiskey was bottled
01:10:45and you...
01:10:47you speak of some memory
01:10:49from that year.
01:10:51You speak of some memory
01:10:53from that year in your life.
01:10:55I've never heard that before.
01:10:57Yeah.
01:10:59So 1994.
01:11:011994.
01:11:05I was
01:11:07still in high school
01:11:11running around like a chicken
01:11:13with his head cut off
01:11:15chasing the girls.
01:11:17Mm-hmm.
01:11:21I was in L.A.
01:11:23going to Arts Center.
01:11:27This was a couple years before I met Michelle.
01:11:31Ninety-four.
01:11:33That was the, uh...
01:11:35that was the year of the Northridge quake.
01:11:37Mm-hmm.
01:11:39I'll never forget that.
01:11:41Forget that feeling.
01:11:43Just...
01:11:45thought I was gonna see God.
01:11:51Mm-hmm.
01:11:59Do you ever get a feeling that
01:12:01your son is better than you?
01:12:05Better than who?
01:12:07Ten years old,
01:12:09and Isaac was more of a man
01:12:11than I will ever be
01:12:13or have ever been.
01:12:15Mm-hmm.
01:12:21I mean, he fought, didn't he?
01:12:23He really fought hard.
01:12:31He really did.
01:12:33I'm sorry.
01:12:37Did you know he was more concerned about us
01:12:39than he was about himself?
01:12:41He, uh...
01:12:45He told Michelle and me
01:12:47to keep this
01:12:49douchey little neighbor friend of his
01:12:51away from Laura.
01:12:57He and Laura used to have these long,
01:12:59private conversations at the hospital
01:13:01at the end.
01:13:07Did she ever tell you what he said?
01:13:11No.
01:13:19Yeah, did you ever get that sense
01:13:21that your kids are better than you were?
01:13:27Every day.
01:13:29Isaac was better,
01:13:31braver
01:13:33than he'll ever be.
01:13:35Yeah.
01:13:41And Laura...
01:13:45Laura is...
01:13:53I missed out on her life, Matt.
01:14:01I wasn't there.
01:14:05I didn't help.
01:14:15I think I know the answer.
01:14:21To what?
01:14:23When you asked me why.
01:14:27When you asked me why I ignored the symptoms.
01:14:29Why'd you ignore him?
01:14:33Yeah, he died.
01:14:35He died?
01:14:37I died that day.
01:14:39He died.
01:14:41My boy.
01:14:51I'm never gonna see him again, Matt.
01:14:55I'm never gonna see him again.
01:14:59No.
01:15:09It's not your fault.
01:15:13And I...
01:15:15I...
01:15:17I quit on her.
01:15:19I quit on Laura.
01:15:21I quit on her.
01:15:23She didn't deserve that.
01:15:25I quit being her father.
01:15:27I didn't do anything wrong.
01:15:37No one knows what it's like to be in your shoes.
01:15:43You did the best you could.
01:15:51No, I...
01:15:53Did I?
01:15:57No.
01:15:59I know you don't think so, but you're a good man.
01:16:17So...
01:16:21Well, one to two months.
01:16:27What?
01:16:31If I decided that...
01:16:35If I decided today was good enough.
01:16:41Uh...
01:16:43Yeah, it depends.
01:16:45Could I, uh...
01:16:51Could you make it?
01:16:53Could you give me something so I could...
01:16:55To Seattle?
01:16:59Yeah.
01:17:01I mean, drive to Seattle.
01:17:03Yeah.
01:17:05Could you make it so I can...
01:17:07So I can hold on?
01:17:09I need to just...
01:17:11I don't know what I'm gonna do.
01:17:13I need to be there...
01:17:15For her.
01:17:19I want to be there for her.
01:17:21What's it for all...
01:17:24Maybe I can help her.
01:17:26Whatever you need.
01:17:28I'll get it for you, and...
01:17:32We can make that happen.
01:17:46Yeah.
01:17:48So, uh...
01:17:50I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:20I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:22I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:24I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:26I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:28I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:30I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:32I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:34I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:36I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:38I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:40I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:42I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:44I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:46I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:48I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:50I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:52I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:54I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:56I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:18:58I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:00I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:02I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:04I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:06I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:08I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:10I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:12I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:14I don't want to die on her doorstep.
01:19:16I want you to understand
01:19:18why I've done what I've done.
01:19:24I have been diagnosed
01:19:26with stage 4 pancreatic cancer
01:19:30and my chances of surviving,
01:19:36well, there are none.
01:19:46I've had a good life, a good life, a fortunate life, I don't have any regrets, of course
01:20:13I have regrets, I have many, I wish I, I have many regrets.
01:20:39I hope you all, each and every one of you, live a long, happy life, so with love, bye.