9. Call My Bluff S12E9, S12E10, S12E11, S12E12 (1978) R. Hunter, H. Gordon, K. Nelligan, B. Norman

last year

S12 E9 Kate Nelligan, Sue Lawley, Barry Norman, Richard Beckinsale.
S12 E10 Kate Nelligan, Sue Lawley, Barry Norman, Richard Beckinsale.
S12 E11 Hannah Gordon, Rita Hunter, Denis Quilley, Leslie Thomas.
S12 E12 Hannah Gordon, Rita Hunter, Denis Quilley, Leslie Thomas.
Host/Team captains: Robert Robinson, Frank Muir, Patrick Campbell.

Transcript

00:00:00MUSIC

00:00:11APPLAUSE

00:00:17Good evening. Hello again.

00:00:19This is Call My Bluff, a sort of barrel in which we exhibit the rector of Stuke,

00:00:23I mean the rector of St Andrews University, Frank Muir.

00:00:27APPLAUSE

00:00:30Good evening. Good evening.

00:00:34My first guest is a lovely actress and a lovely lady

00:00:38who is appearing in David Hare's Plenty at the National Theatre.

00:00:42It is Kate Nelligan.

00:00:44APPLAUSE

00:00:51My second guest is lovely-ish.

00:00:54He can be described as a journalist, the scourge of Hollywood,

00:00:58and our man about cinema, Barry Norman.

00:01:02APPLAUSE

00:01:08And Ireland's answer to punk rock, Patrick Campbell.

00:01:12APPLAUSE

00:01:17Good evening.

00:01:19And my first guest, after going nationwide for years and years and years,

00:01:23well, not all that many years, went home to have a little baby,

00:01:27which he's now safely back on nationwide.

00:01:30It could only be Sue Lawley.

00:01:32APPLAUSE

00:01:38And my other assistant is on brief parole...

00:01:43..a little bit of porridge, Richard Beckinson.

00:01:46APPLAUSE

00:01:51Enough of all that. We'll get on with the game

00:01:54and get ourselves a pretty good word to start with.

00:01:57Charlie Horse, or Charlie Horse.

00:01:59Frank Muir's team is going to define Charlie Horse three different ways.

00:02:03Two of the definitions are false, one is true,

00:02:05and that's the one that Patrick and co. try to pick out.

00:02:08So, what of Charlie Horse, Frank?

00:02:10Well, there are usually two Charlie Horses

00:02:13who sat either end of a bent row of people.

00:02:18They could have been seen around about 1860, 1870 in this country,

00:02:23and they had faces all blacked up.

00:02:25And the Charlie Horses either end of this bent row of people

00:02:30would say things like,

00:02:32Hey, Mr Interlagter!

00:02:34Why did da warthog cross de road?

00:02:38They're part of what was then called a Christie nigger minstrel team,

00:02:43and they were the end people.

00:02:46LAUGHTER

00:02:48Right, now, Barry, it's your go.

00:02:50I wish he'd explained why the warthog crossed the road.

00:02:53Anyway, I'm rather glad he didn't, but he will ask us.

00:02:56It's all a bit of a bore.

00:02:58Oh.

00:02:59Charlie Horse.

00:03:00You see what I mean?

00:03:01Yes, yes, I should have known better.

00:03:03Charlie Horse.

00:03:04To have a spell of Charlie Horse

00:03:06was a phrase used by British Tommy's during the First World War

00:03:10around the Conway area,

00:03:12and it meant to have rest and recreation behind the lines,

00:03:15and it did not mean, as you might suppose,

00:03:17that they horsed about like a lot of Charlies.

00:03:19The word came from the town where the rest camp was,

00:03:22which was Charlerousse,

00:03:23and the British Tommy, of course, couldn't pronounce Charlerousse,

00:03:26and it became Charlie Horse.

00:03:27So, therefore, to have a spell of Charlie Horse

00:03:29was to get away from all the fighting

00:03:31and have a nice time in the bistros.

00:03:34Right-o. Now, Kate Nelligan.

00:03:38The first time I heard the word Charlie Horse

00:03:40was in Detroit Tiger Stadium,

00:03:42which is a baseball stadium in Detroit,

00:03:44and Sandy Kovacs, the pitcher,

00:03:47went to the pitcher's mound,

00:03:49wound up for a pitch and was seized

00:03:52and started screaming in pain,

00:03:54and his knees went to his chin,

00:03:56and he screamed and he screamed and he screamed,

00:03:58and my father turned to me and said, knowledgably,

00:04:00Charlie Horse.

00:04:02And a Charlie Horse is a spasm, a muscle spasm,

00:04:05which often afflicts athletes

00:04:08at moments crucial to their careers.

00:04:12Sorry, it's a kind of a minstrel, stands on the end,

00:04:15kind of a spasm, that kind of thing, cramps athletes,

00:04:19and it's a French town.

00:04:20Patrick, your choice.

00:04:22I'm in some difficulty here, see,

00:04:23I don't understand a single word about baseball.

00:04:28I don't know what people are doing.

00:04:31So...

00:04:34A...

00:04:35What do...

00:04:38Hey, Mr Burson, on the end of a row of bent people,

00:04:44I'm ashamed of what I said and forget it.

00:04:46I can't... I can't see that at all.

00:04:49You said Charles Russe?

00:04:50Charles Russe.

00:04:52Oui.

00:04:53Of course, it's Kate's Charlie Horse, isn't it?

00:04:55It's a kind of muscular spasm.

00:04:57You're choosing that. It was indeed Kate who said it.

00:05:00She now has to tell you, true or bluff.

00:05:02Here he comes.

00:05:08You've got it!

00:05:09APPLAUSE

00:05:14Charlie Horse is a kind of cramp.

00:05:18And here we have another word, braggart,

00:05:21and Patrick will tell you what it means.

00:05:24Among the many historic objects on view in Berkeley Castle

00:05:29is a braggart.

00:05:31Oh, good.

00:05:33A braggart is the thing on which the third Earl of Berkeley was born,

00:05:38the third Earl of Berkeley was born,

00:05:41not of a woman, but carried,

00:05:45or lumps of him, after the Battle of Edge Hill.

00:05:51Born on a braggart, but carried in lumps,

00:05:54having been cut to pieces.

00:05:56And that's all that a braggart is.

00:05:58But it's a kind of wide...

00:06:00Thank heaven!

00:06:02It's a wide stretcher with two shafts.

00:06:05You tie the shafts onto the end of the horse

00:06:08and the other ends you can drag on the ground

00:06:11and in the middle is the remnants of the third Earl of Berkeley.

00:06:17If you want to kill them right off, anyway.

00:06:19But there, it's supposed to be that.

00:06:21Now it's Richard Beckinsale's go.

00:06:23The tolling of the braggart's bay

00:06:26from the dark cupboard drove our prey.

00:06:29Sir Walter Scott.

00:06:31Thank you. Next.

00:06:33A braggart is a female hunting dog

00:06:37used by huntsmen

00:06:40because the female pursues the prey

00:06:43in a far more tenacious manner than the...

00:06:46dog.

00:06:48Whatever that's, Richard.

00:06:51I can go on. Oh, no, I can't.

00:06:53Is there any more? No, no.

00:06:55I thought you'd got a bull's-eye there. Sue Lawley.

00:06:58You've heard of a bragetophile...

00:07:00No, no, hang on.

00:07:02Bragetophile, as in braggart, bragetophile.

00:07:06I have now. And you've heard of a red-hot poker.

00:07:09Yeah. Well, the two go hand in hand.

00:07:12Because a bragetophile enjoys

00:07:15stirring his braggart with a red-hot poker.

00:07:19I wouldn't go hand in hand with a red-hot poker.

00:07:21Well, it is nasty. Is he a muller?

00:07:24Exactly that. I think he knows the word.

00:07:27An ale muller. Yes, exactly.

00:07:29Because it's a mixture of beer and honey, braggart, you see,

00:07:34and a bragetophile enjoys stirring it up with a red-hot poker

00:07:38or, indeed, throwing a handful of spice into it.

00:07:41So it's the stuff you drink, not the poker or the chap who does it.

00:07:45Yes, it's the mulled stuff.

00:07:47It's a tipple. Sounds rather good.

00:07:50A lady hunting dog.

00:07:52And it's a stretcher.

00:07:54It's a stretcher. Sounds rather uncomfortable. Frank?

00:07:58Hang on. Play amongst yourselves.

00:08:03For a limited period, Frank.

00:08:05Well, Patrick's load of rubbish,

00:08:08which are about dragging newly-born bits of an earl...

00:08:12No, no. ..around the...

00:08:15He'd been dismembered.

00:08:17He'd been newly dead.

00:08:19Yes, fresh dead. Well, any road up.

00:08:22Then there's the houndess.

00:08:25A braget. Bragethound. It's rather nice.

00:08:28They all sound right, do they? Or the mulled...

00:08:30I don't think it's mulled wine.

00:08:32I think it's Paddy's rubbish about this Berkeley hunt.

00:08:36Rushing after the remnants of the earl.

00:08:39The stretcher that was tied on the back of a horse

00:08:41and you dragged an earl about in it.

00:08:43Sounds convincing. Let's see whether it was true or not.

00:08:46Without confidence, I might say.

00:08:49APPLAUSE

00:08:55No earl would have put up with that.

00:08:57Who gave the true definition? Now you learn it. Here it comes.

00:09:00It's there. The suspense is terrible.

00:09:03Oh, come. Yes, indeed.

00:09:05APPLAUSE

00:09:11Sometimes it actually is the drink,

00:09:13made of beer and honey or whatever.

00:09:16The next word is corpion, and Barry Norman will tell you all about it.

00:09:20Well, a corpion is not, as you might suppose, a scorpion that's lost its head.

00:09:24It's actually a herring that's lost its head,

00:09:27what you might call an herring.

00:09:30When I say that it's lost its head,

00:09:32I don't mean that it's got stoned out of its mind

00:09:34on whatever herrings drink in fish bars

00:09:36and is going around the seabed threatening to lick its weight in sprats.

00:09:40I mean that it has... Just a minute.

00:09:42..in fact lost its head.

00:09:45Shall I continue? May I continue?

00:09:48If you could improve the material a little.

00:09:51Good lad.

00:09:53No, indeed I have not. Carry on, then, if you must.

00:09:56I must, I must.

00:09:58It is a herring that has been beheaded.

00:10:01An herring that's been beheaded.

00:10:03And this is not as sad as it sounds,

00:10:05because by the time this happens to it, it is virtually a late herring anyway,

00:10:08because what happens is that as it's plucked out of the net,

00:10:11or indeed manhandled in the fish hole of the vessel,

00:10:14the head comes off.

00:10:16And a herring that has lost its head is a scorpion.

00:10:19Scorpion.

00:10:21We had pilchards last week, I seem to remember.

00:10:24Nostalgia. Kate, your turn.

00:10:27Well, as we all know,

00:10:29the prophet Elijah, in the desert,

00:10:32was nourished and fed by ravens.

00:10:35And the raven became a symbol,

00:10:39which was dear to the heart.

00:10:42People who built churches in the early Christian days,

00:10:45and it is, in fact, an architectural embellishment,

00:10:48which you often see over the doors of churches,

00:10:51shaped as a raven.

00:10:54To protect the raven.

00:10:56Not to protect the raven, no, not necessarily,

00:10:58as a remembrance for their kindness to that great prophet Elijah

00:11:01in feeding him in the wilderness, Patrick.

00:11:04I haven't answered a single word of anything.

00:11:07Dear me. Yes, Frank, your turn.

00:11:10Scorpion is an organ stop

00:11:15found on dirty big organs.

00:11:18You don't get it on harmoniae.

00:11:20Harmonia, do you?

00:11:22But only on massive organ jobs, four-manual things,

00:11:25as at Ali Pali or Albert Hall.

00:11:29And it's in the woodwind range of noises,

00:11:33a rather throaty oboe hum,

00:11:39not at all unlike the sound made by an enormous cat purring.

00:11:46A what?

00:11:48It don't matter to you.

00:11:50He's on your side, you know.

00:11:52A sort of...

00:11:54Oh, Lord.

00:11:59Good stuff.

00:12:01Great. It's an organ stop, just like that.

00:12:03It's a raven-shaped gargoyle,

00:12:05and it's a herring without a head.

00:12:09Richard, your go.

00:12:11You're on your own, lad.

00:12:13Oh.

00:12:15Right then. Right.

00:12:17Herring.

00:12:19Pardon? Herring.

00:12:21No.

00:12:23It's not an herring, I don't think.

00:12:26Erm...

00:12:33Say something if it's only goodbye.

00:12:37I think I'll go for the organ stop.

00:12:39Yeah, you've forgotten the other one, is that right?

00:12:42The raven on top of the door.

00:12:44Oh, good for you. I just wanted you...

00:12:46The organ stop, that was Kate...

00:12:48No, it wasn't. It was Frank.

00:12:50How could I mistake them?

00:12:52I love Frank.

00:12:54Oh!

00:13:01No, nothing to do with that.

00:13:03The true definition now emerges.

00:13:05Here it is. One, two, three, go.

00:13:07Let's see it, Barry.

00:13:09LAUGHTER

00:13:11APPLAUSE

00:13:15That's right. A corpion is a herring without a head.

00:13:19Now, here you have an interesting word,

00:13:21obviously spelled backwards.

00:13:23Neganapant, I should think,

00:13:25but you'll hear lots and lots of pronunciations of that.

00:13:28Richard, your go.

00:13:29Neganapant.

00:13:31The Valhalla of a Solomon Islander.

00:13:36Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

00:13:39The Solomon Islanders believe that when they're asleep,

00:13:42their souls depart from their bodies

00:13:44and go to Neganapant...

00:13:48..to make their houses

00:13:50that they're going to live in when they're dead.

00:13:53Neganapant.

00:13:54All right.

00:13:55Have a Y-front Neganapant.

00:13:58Sue Lawley's go now.

00:14:00Actually, Y-front is not far wrong, Frank.

00:14:04You're on the right lines, because it's really a red Indian G-string.

00:14:10But it's somewhat larger because it's for men.

00:14:14It's when a young red Indian boy is initiated

00:14:18and enters manhood, becomes a brave,

00:14:22he goes through this initiation ceremony

00:14:25and for it he has to wear a Neganapant,

00:14:28which is a small sort of...

00:14:30Well, it might be a large, I don't know.

00:14:33..apron, which he wears in the appropriate place,

00:14:37and it's usually made of woven grasses or horsehair.

00:14:42Oh, not horsehair!

00:14:45They find grasses more comfortable.

00:14:48I would have thought that would be a ceremony,

00:14:51not the initiation, not the proof of it.

00:14:54No, it's a little bit of suffering.

00:14:56It's our turn. Do you remember?

00:14:58It's very interesting, though. I like to hear these things discussed.

00:15:01Patrick, it's your turn now.

00:15:03Neganapant is a term for...

00:15:07..a collective term for piecework.

00:15:10East Indies, 18th century,

00:15:15a cargo of perhaps silk shirts from Sumatra,

00:15:21perhaps tea caddies from Tonkin,

00:15:24even bath mats from Bangkok.

00:15:27They were all classified as Neganapant

00:15:31in the cargo of a ship

00:15:33making for Bristol or any other port.

00:15:36Right. It's a small red Indian apron,

00:15:39it's stuff from the East Indies and thereabouts,

00:15:42and it's where the Solomon Islander thinks he's going when he dies.

00:15:47Barry, you have a choice.

00:15:49Yeah, thank you very much. Yes, that's a good choice.

00:15:52Paddy's usual rubbish.

00:15:54The Queen of Nationwide sitting there talking about fellas' knickers.

00:15:58And what was the other? Valhalla?

00:16:01My word.

00:16:03Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. I think it's Paddy. Paddy.

00:16:07Do you really? Yeah, I do.

00:16:09That's what I think. That's right.

00:16:11He said it was stuff from the East Indies.

00:16:13Patrick, true or bluff?

00:16:16It's a bit quick, isn't it?

00:16:21Ah!

00:16:23APPLAUSE

00:16:25Oh!

00:16:27APPLAUSE

00:16:33Every word he said was true.

00:16:35It's now two all. It's interesting.

00:16:38Or more interesting. Thigger is the next word.

00:16:41Kate, it's your turn.

00:16:43A bit of thigger up your nose stops the plague.

00:16:47Now, Patrick, can the plague...

00:16:49Can that be clearer?

00:16:51It is a kind of embrocation.

00:16:54It's an infusion of sage, rosemary, herbs put together up the nose,

00:16:59applied on the body to prevent the plague.

00:17:02It's in fact a contraction of thieves' vinegar.

00:17:07Contraction of thieves' vinegar?

00:17:09Of the two words, darling.

00:17:11Contraction of thieves' vinegar.

00:17:13LAUGHTER

00:17:15This has gone to hell, this.

00:17:17LAUGHTER

00:17:19I do believe it's your turn, Frank.

00:17:21Thigger is a little wooden thing

00:17:26hanging behind a wooden cottage door,

00:17:30usually on a bit of string.

00:17:32And it's a kind of locking device, really,

00:17:35because you get the thigger

00:17:38and where the thing goes up and down like that,

00:17:41in between its half,

00:17:43you shove the thigger in above the lattice bit.

00:17:48So anybody coming in, trying to get in on the outside, can't get in

00:17:52because the metal bit won't go up,

00:17:55because the thigger's stopping it.

00:17:57See, and when you get up in the morning,

00:17:59you just take it out and let it dangle on its bit of string.

00:18:01It's a very good idea.

00:18:02That's exciting.

00:18:04Oh, Barry Norman, you have a go.

00:18:06Well, a thigger is what the Australians would call a wowser or a bludger.

00:18:11But it is not. It is not an Australian word.

00:18:14It is, in fact, a Scottish word.

00:18:16And it is a word meaning a mean kind of person

00:18:20who never stands his round.

00:18:22Thus, if one Scotsman should say to another Scotsman,

00:18:25Listen, hen, if your dinny pay for the next round of drinks,

00:18:28I'm going to pit the boot in,

00:18:30what he actually means

00:18:32is that the Scotsman so addressed

00:18:34has to decide rapidly

00:18:35whether it is preferable for him to get out of the pub

00:18:38with his wallet intact or his person intact.

00:18:41A thigger, in other words, is somebody who always stands round

00:18:44stumbling in his sporran for his loose change

00:18:46when somebody else is actually paying for the round of drinks

00:18:49or the taxi fare or the bus fare or whatever they do in Scotland.

00:18:52That is what a thigger is.

00:18:54So, it's a mean Scotsman.

00:18:56I would have thought that was a tautology in a way.

00:18:59It's a door lock.

00:19:00Ooh, watch it, lad.

00:19:01And it's a sort of antidote for the plague.

00:19:04Sue.

00:19:06I think Kate merely redefined snuff,

00:19:10thus inspiring Mr Muir to take a pinch of the wretched stuff.

00:19:13I saw it.

00:19:14She's doing it again.

00:19:15You were doing it.

00:19:16I couldn't help it.

00:19:17Oh, we get to see it, Frank. I love to see it.

00:19:19Snuff is snuff is snuff, so I don't think that thigger is snuff.

00:19:23And I...

00:19:25I didn't much go for the Scottish story.

00:19:27I was beautifully told, Barry.

00:19:29Beautifully told, but I didn't...

00:19:31I've got a feeling I almost know the word.

00:19:33It won't be right, that's the trouble.

00:19:35That's the major trouble.

00:19:38I've just got the feeling that I know

00:19:40that the thing for putting the wood in the hole is a thigger.

00:19:43You think you do, do you?

00:19:44I think I do.

00:19:45You're picking that because it was Frank who acted all that, wasn't it?

00:19:48Now, is that true or bluff, Frank?

00:19:50He looks a little weird there, unfortunately.

00:19:52You thespian.

00:19:54I can't get it open.

00:19:57You rocker.

00:19:59APPLAUSE

00:20:01You've come back from the dead.

00:20:03Oh, what a tease it is.

00:20:05It's a nice game, it is.

00:20:07It's a nice game.

00:20:08Who gave the true definition of thigger?

00:20:10Now it comes.

00:20:12Oh, not you again.

00:20:14There you are.

00:20:16APPLAUSE

00:20:20It's an old meanie, is what it is.

00:20:233-2.

00:20:24Parzival, I suppose you say.

00:20:26Sue Lawley, it's your turn.

00:20:28Parzival, I would say.

00:20:30If you're a bridge player, do any of you play bridge?

00:20:33You probably have heard of it, although it's a little archaic now,

00:20:36but certainly Omar Sharif, Terence Rees would certainly have heard of it,

00:20:40because it really is when you hold honours.

00:20:43You know when you play bridge, if you have four honours,

00:20:46ace, king, queen, ten,

00:20:48you score 100 points, four honours, if they're trumps.

00:20:51And a parzival is actually a name for holding four honours,

00:20:56but it's not used any more in bridge.

00:20:59It is used in a game, wait for it, called Tiddy,

00:21:03which is a poor man's bridge, it's even a poor man's whist,

00:21:07because you only deal out 40 cards.

00:21:09And as in bridge, when you score 100 points for honours,

00:21:13in Tiddy, you would score 16 tids for having four honours,

00:21:19for having a parzival.

00:21:21If you're awake, you would, I think.

00:21:24I thought Tiddy was Mabel's...

00:21:26No, no, I was just thinking it sounded very like Abel Wackett,

00:21:29another card name we once had here long ago.

00:21:32I've forgotten all the other words. Patrick.

00:21:35The parzival is a benign, almost balmy wind...

00:21:43..that blows north-westerly

00:21:46across what used to be known as Persia,

00:21:50or as they are called, Iran.

00:21:53I'm going to call it Persia, or Persia,

00:21:57because this balmy north-westerly wind

00:22:01is known in old-time Persia

00:22:06as the wind of Ahmed.

00:22:10Because Ahmed,

00:22:13the mythological god of spring,

00:22:17just as we have goddesses of spring in Great Britain,

00:22:21they have Ahmed in Persia.

00:22:24Well, why don't you go around masquerading as parzival?

00:22:27What?

00:22:29That's virtually what I was saying, what.

00:22:31Next, please. Wind?

00:22:33No, Richard Beckintail.

00:22:36A parzival is a non-rigid balloon.

00:22:45What's a rigid balloon?

00:22:47Which is a balloon with no framework inside.

00:22:50A balloon, in fact.

00:22:51A balloon.

00:22:52A balloon. Thank you.

00:22:53By... Oh.

00:22:55No, no, no, you go on.

00:22:57Go on, go on.

00:22:58It's named after its famous...

00:23:02I think it was the inventor,

00:23:05Professor Herr August Parzival.

00:23:10A very famous German balloonist of the Edwardian era.

00:23:15And his brother, Fritz.

00:23:17And this balloon,

00:23:19the average size of the parzival balloon,

00:23:23held 190,000 cubic feet of hydrogen.

00:23:28Good heavens.

00:23:29That all?

00:23:31A bit more.

00:23:33That's all.

00:23:34Oh, it's an alarm.

00:23:35I thought it was...

00:23:36It's an alarm. I could have listened to it.

00:23:38It's a term in the card game...

00:23:41No, it's a... Yeah, called tiddy.

00:23:44It's a wind from the Middle East,

00:23:46round about the Middle East,

00:23:48and it's a balloon.

00:23:50Kate, your go.

00:23:52Patrick, when you said it was a benign wind,

00:23:55I knew you must be telling the truth.

00:23:59What about the others?

00:24:00Because it sounds so insincere.

00:24:06You don't think it's the balloon?

00:24:08The balloon, I think not,

00:24:10because the name Parzival,

00:24:12or Sigfield, whatever his name is,

00:24:14I mean, it doesn't work.

00:24:15It's not on, is it, really, Richard?

00:24:18And 16 tids,

00:24:2016 tids equals one parzival,

00:24:23I ask you.

00:24:25Patrick, give me something.

00:24:27That was the wind he spoke about

00:24:29that had to do with a fella called Ahmed.

00:24:31True or bluff?

00:24:33I'm far less benign than you think.

00:24:36Yes!

00:24:38APPLAUSE

00:24:41On this show, you want to watch anyone called Ahmed,

00:24:45but then, on the other hand,

00:24:47you have to watch people called Ziegfeld or whatever,

00:24:49but who gave the true definition?

00:24:51It would be...

00:24:52It could...

00:24:53Oh, no, I can't do it!

00:24:55APPLAUSE

00:25:01Once it really was named after...

00:25:03I'm willing to accept your word for it.

00:25:05J, L, Y, Parzival, or whoever he was.

00:25:07Hackery is the next three.

00:25:08You all have a very exciting needle match.

00:25:10Frank.

00:25:11Well, hackery sounds, does it not?

00:25:13A very English word.

00:25:15Hackery.

00:25:16Be warned.

00:25:17It is not.

00:25:19It is, in fact,

00:25:21an Anglicisation of an Indian word.

00:25:25Chakra.

00:25:26Chakra.

00:25:27Chakra.

00:25:28Hackery chakra.

00:25:30And a chakra is a two-bullock cart.

00:25:35A light...

00:25:36Two what?

00:25:37Two-bullock cart.

00:25:38Oh, thank you.

00:25:39A cart drawn by two small beasts, bullocks, with horns.

00:25:43And it's a sort of light domestic cart,

00:25:46such as an Indian lady might do her shopping

00:25:49or fetch the kids back from school in.

00:25:52And it has been...

00:25:54Hobson-Jobson, isn't it?

00:25:55A sort of Hobson-Jobson word,

00:25:57a word which has been converted into English from the Indian

00:26:00and has ended up as hackery.

00:26:02I rest my case.

00:26:04Barry, your turn.

00:26:06Hackery sounds, does it not, a very English word.

00:26:09Be warned.

00:26:10It is not.

00:26:11It's a Scottish word.

00:26:13It is a Scottish word.

00:26:15Kindly pay attention, Paddy, when I'm speaking to you.

00:26:18And it means virtually what you would think it would mean.

00:26:21Hackery, you would think, was the outpourings,

00:26:24the writings of a hack,

00:26:26a writer of no accomplishments whatsoever.

00:26:29It's not quite that.

00:26:30It is, in fact, a word that means the place where such hacks gather.

00:26:34And it was coined by Macrae, the editor of the Hibernian.

00:26:37And he used it to refer to the inhabitants of no less,

00:26:42no less than Printing House Square,

00:26:44home of the Times, the Thunder itself.

00:26:47A Scottish word.

00:26:48Hackery, it's a place inhabited by journalistic hacks.

00:26:53Kate, your go now.

00:26:56If you're a pigeon fancier,

00:26:58you look for...

00:26:59In a pigeon, you look for bright eye, the colour of the eye.

00:27:02And another thing you look for is the brightness and variety

00:27:06and sheen of the colour of the feathers round its neck.

00:27:10And a hackery is the term that they use

00:27:13for this band of feathers round the bird's neck.

00:27:18All right.

00:27:19So it's where the hacks gather.

00:27:22I would name the pub if I dared.

00:27:24It's birds, feathers round the bird's neck.

00:27:27And it's a very light two-bullock cart from India.

00:27:32Patrick, what do you think?

00:27:34We are in full agreement here.

00:27:36Falling into a pit.

00:27:38You'll be all right.

00:27:40The intrusion of Hobson and Jobson into your drivel.

00:27:44I couldn't...

00:27:46Who are Hobson and Jobson? What are they doing?

00:27:49They collected a whole lot of these Anglo-English words.

00:27:52Don't answer a question. They can just remain silent.

00:27:55Well, you asked me.

00:27:57Not a lot of time, Patrick.

00:27:59They never get together.

00:28:01It couldn't be...

00:28:03Do you want to get together in a hackery?

00:28:06Other people get in there too.

00:28:08It must be little ring round a pigeon's neck.

00:28:11Kate, true or bluff? Because it was you who said it.

00:28:14True or bluff? Tell them.

00:28:16It's a bluff.

00:28:18APPLAUSE

00:28:22No?

00:28:24Now, rather swiftly, we need to know the true one.

00:28:27Here it comes. Low.

00:28:29Oh, no! Yes, yes.

00:28:35So, there you are.

00:28:37It was really and truly that bullock cart of which Frank spoke so feelingly.

00:28:41Well, the score standing at 4-3.

00:28:43The game has come to an end.

00:28:45And just by a whisker, Frank Muir and co. have won.

00:28:48APPLAUSE

00:28:50Why not give me a hand, Patrick?

00:28:56Well, there you are.

00:28:58More refried beans from the Oxford English Dictionary next week.

00:29:02Till then, goodbye from Barry Norman...

00:29:04APPLAUSE

00:29:07..Richard Beckinsale...

00:29:11..Kate Lilligan...

00:29:15..Sue Lawley...

00:29:18..Frank Muir...

00:29:22..Patrick Campbell...

00:29:25..and goodbye.

00:29:27APPLAUSE

00:29:48APPLAUSE

00:29:53Hello.

00:29:55For my bluff, we're quivering in trap one.

00:29:58We have Patrick Campbell.

00:30:00APPLAUSE

00:30:04Good evening.

00:30:06And I began by quivering in trap one,

00:30:09but I've been much soothed by the presence of my dear friend,

00:30:13And I began by quivering in trap one,

00:30:15but I've been much soothed by the presence of my dear little friend,

00:30:19Sue Lawley.

00:30:21APPLAUSE

00:30:26And my other assistant, after a long talk with the Governor,

00:30:29I've got an extension of parole,

00:30:32Richard Beckinsale.

00:30:35APPLAUSE

00:30:38Thank you very much.

00:30:40And in the sheepskin noseband, I mean the pink bow tie, Frank Muir.

00:30:45APPLAUSE

00:30:47Good evening.

00:30:51And again from the Lyttelton National Theatre,

00:30:54we have the star of Plenty, Kate Hernelligan.

00:30:58APPLAUSE

00:31:01And on my left, novelist, journalist and cinema buff,

00:31:07Barry Norman.

00:31:09APPLAUSE

00:31:14Let's see if the bell works. Yes, it does.

00:31:17And we get thongy.

00:31:19And thongy is the word that Patrick Campbell and his team

00:31:22are going to define three different ways.

00:31:24Two of them are false, one is true.

00:31:26That's the one that Frank and co. try and pick out.

00:31:29So, what of thongy, Patrick?

00:31:35Thongy, it describes a disastrous situation

00:31:39in the making of Somerset Cider.

00:31:42At one moment, you're making lovely Somerset Cider.

00:31:46At the next moment, for no perceptible reason,

00:31:50it goes all thongy.

00:31:53It gets all kind of thick and over-fermented.

00:31:59And you finish up, not with a barrel of lovely cider,

00:32:02but with a can of used engine oil.

00:32:05And who wants that?

00:32:07What?

00:32:09I said, and who wants that?

00:32:11Cut that.

00:32:15And now, Richard Beckinsale.

00:32:17Thongy is a Polynesian word,

00:32:21and it's the word for the paintwork

00:32:26that they use for their bodies when going into battle.

00:32:30Usually zebra-like stripes across the body,

00:32:33and they thought it frightened their enemies

00:32:36and added to their sexual allure.

00:32:41In battle.

00:32:43LAUGHTER

00:32:45That's where the phrase came from, striped.

00:32:48They're different maths.

00:32:50Let's hear from Sue Lawley.

00:32:52You've heard of a thingy?

00:32:54Well, a thongy is the same thing, really.

00:32:57I mean, if you met it, him.

00:32:59Because if you were trying to get through the Khyber Pass,

00:33:04if you were a Twisselton Wickham finds, you knew that chap.

00:33:08Well, if you met this chap, you would know he was a thongy,

00:33:12because he's a sort of Afghan shepherd-come-goat herd.

00:33:16And as you're going through the Khyber Pass into darkest Afghanistan,

00:33:20you might meet him.

00:33:22He's a lowly chap, makes a threadbare living, flogging his flocks.

00:33:26And they turn these flocks into mutton casseroles, mutton stews

00:33:31for the higher-up sort of Afghans.

00:33:34A thongy.

00:33:36So it's an Afghan shepherd who lives a lonely life.

00:33:39It's a sort of Polynesian woad, and it's bad cider from Somerset.

00:33:43Frank, pick away.

00:33:45No problem here. I think we're all semi-agreed, aren't we?

00:33:49The cider which turns thick is then flung out

00:33:55and doesn't justify a special name.

00:33:58It's just non-cider.

00:34:00So that's that. It can't be that.

00:34:03My perspicacious friend on my left pointed out

00:34:07that amorous paint is unsuitable for warriors, normally speaking.

00:34:12So that can't be right.

00:34:15I don't believe Sue...

00:34:18I wrote a film about the Afghanistan thing, Revolution in 18...

00:34:23It didn't get made. The Battle of the Thongys.

00:34:26I don't remember the thongy, so it's none of these.

00:34:33That puts me in a very difficult position, Frank.

00:34:36What do I do, juggle?

00:34:38I hadn't realised it was none of them.

00:34:41Let's try Sue, because Sue's so lovely.

00:34:44Well, now, she said that it was...

00:34:46Oh, yes, The Afghan Shepherd, who was so lonely. True or bluff?

00:34:55Ah!

00:35:01No, no, which was the true definition of thongy?

00:35:04Blah, the better climate, thank you.

00:35:07Here we have... Cider.

00:35:09There you are.

00:35:11That's right, that's right.

00:35:15It's cider that's gone off.

00:35:17Cider that's gone all wrongy.

00:35:19Gone wrongy, yep.

00:35:21So we have Scrivello, and I shall invite you, Frank, to define it.

00:35:25Scrivello.

00:35:27Scrivello, Scrivello.

00:35:29A little thing, clearly.

00:35:31It's a little elephant tusk, actually,

00:35:33which can weigh up to, but not exceeding, 20 elves, 20 pounds.

00:35:39It's the sort of thing you would use to make a snooker set of snooker balls,

00:35:45or 2,870 toothpicks, possibly.

00:35:49But you couldn't do massive things of it,

00:35:51because it's really quite small, a 20-pound tusk.

00:35:55It's an elephant tusk weighing up to, but not more than, 20 pounds.

00:36:01Scrivello.

00:36:03Right, that's what you say.

00:36:05So now, Barry, what do you say?

00:36:07Well, Scrivello is an ornamental form of handwriting.

00:36:10It's not the kind... You wouldn't find Scrivello in graffito.

00:36:13You don't find Scrivello on lavatory walls,

00:36:15but you would find it in those beautifully handwritten Bibles

00:36:19that the monks used to do.

00:36:21You know, the Gs and the Ys on these things

00:36:24are all extended into exaggerated shapes and curls,

00:36:27and the Bs and the Gs, the top bit.

00:36:29That is Scrivello.

00:36:31And, in fact, some of the calligraphy on the pound note,

00:36:34if you've seen a pound note lately, is a mild form of Scrivello.

00:36:40So, well, yes. Now, Kate, Nelligan, your go.

00:36:44Scrivello is, in fact, a piece of gardening equipment

00:36:48which you need if you want to grow orchids successfully,

00:36:52because it passes hot, warm air from the boiler system

00:36:56under the floor into the greenhouse

00:36:59and provides warm, moist air

00:37:01for the growth of tropical and difficult plants.

00:37:06Say no more.

00:37:07It's somewhat elaborate handwriting.

00:37:09It's a certain size of an elephant's tusk,

00:37:12and it's a hot air pipe into a greenhouse.

00:37:15Patrick.

00:37:16They've got him worried.

00:37:17A hot air pipe?

00:37:18That's called a hot air pipe into a greenhouse, not a Scrivello.

00:37:22Indeed.

00:37:24All this £20 nonsense.

00:37:26You know...

00:37:28You know that £20 of elephant's tusk makes 2,800 toothpicks.

00:37:32Can you prove it?

00:37:34I said about.

00:37:37I'll take your point.

00:37:38I said about.

00:37:39It's enough from you, thank you very much.

00:37:41Elaborate handwriting. It sounds too much like...

00:37:45Elaborate hand...

00:37:46I'm sure it's something to do with hot air into greenhouses.

00:37:50You're choosing it.

00:37:51Yes.

00:37:52You will.

00:37:53That was Kate.

00:37:54She now tells us. Was she teasing?

00:37:55I take great pleasure...

00:37:56You're looking much too happy.

00:37:59It's you, isn't it?

00:38:01I don't care.

00:38:03No, she's just having you on there.

00:38:05So, who gave the true one?

00:38:07One of the others must have done it.

00:38:09Follows as the night, the day.

00:38:11Oh, no!

00:38:18£20 elephant's trunk.

00:38:19Just the £20 elephant tusk is what Scrivello is.

00:38:23One all, we come to Palenque.

00:38:26Well, Richard, I don't know whether that's how you pronounce it.

00:38:29Palenque.

00:38:32It's an enclosure on the island of Jamaica.

00:38:35It resounds to the clucking of hens and...

00:38:39whatever sound cockerels make.

00:38:42Cock-a-doodle-doo.

00:38:43Don't give Frank the chance, for God's sake!

00:38:47In fact, it's a poultry farm in Jamaica

00:38:52where these little things live out their days

00:38:57in beautiful Caribbean sunshine.

00:38:59Very touching.

00:39:00Palenque.

00:39:01The kind of place there's any, I suppose.

00:39:03Yes, yes.

00:39:04Sue, your turn.

00:39:06Palenque is like a barque, or commonly known as barque,

00:39:12or gondola, even.

00:39:14In fact, it's most like a gondola

00:39:16because it has a sort of awning over

00:39:18where under sits a throne

00:39:20and a Malaysian noble would sit upon this throne

00:39:25and be paddled along by the surfs

00:39:29because a palenque is a Malaysian pleasure boat.

00:39:34Malaysian.

00:39:37Patrick.

00:39:39A palenque.

00:39:41It was a French word.

00:39:46When Henry the... Not Henry the Eighth,

00:39:48I beg your pardon, Louis the Eighteenth.

00:39:51When Louis the Eighteenth was crowned

00:39:56in 1814,

00:39:59it became very fashionable with French nobles

00:40:02to grow a little pigtail

00:40:05and some of them, not all of them,

00:40:07but some of them, quite a lot of them,

00:40:11wore a little red ribbon around their pigtail

00:40:15indicating to those in the know

00:40:20that either their fathers or mothers or grandparents

00:40:23had had a fatal meeting with Madame Guillotine.

00:40:29So what does that mean?

00:40:31It says what I said.

00:40:33What, the bit of ribbon?

00:40:34Bit of ribbon.

00:40:36Yeah.

00:40:38So it's a poultry farm in Jamaica,

00:40:40it's a pigtail and it's a boat in which

00:40:43not a Turkish customs official but a Malaysian noble floats.

00:40:47Barry Norman.

00:40:49I'm still...

00:40:51There's trouble there, you can see it.

00:40:55I'm still not entirely sure what Patrick was talking about anyway.

00:40:58Is it the guillotine, is it the pigtail they wore

00:41:00or was it indeed Louis the Eighteenth himself

00:41:02who was known as a palenque?

00:41:04All four of them.

00:41:05All four of them, they're all palenques.

00:41:06And Sue moved her lips very prettily

00:41:08but I couldn't really understand

00:41:09what on earth she was talking about.

00:41:11It's a boat.

00:41:12What?

00:41:13It's a boat, a boat.

00:41:14Oh, that's what it was, it was a boat.

00:41:15I thought it was somebody sitting on a throne.

00:41:17Richard and his hen house in Jamaica

00:41:20which sounds so ludicrous

00:41:22that I suspect it's probably true.

00:41:24So I think it's Richard's hen house in Jamaica.

00:41:26Yes, it was indeed Richard Beckinsale who said it.

00:41:28True or bluff?

00:41:31This time...

00:41:33Well, that's good.

00:41:35Oh yes, I like it, that's nice.

00:41:38Some of that oil is disclosed.

00:41:41Something told me you'd got it right there.

00:41:43And I thought so.

00:41:44You know, Barrington, I really did think so.

00:41:46It's this hen house far away.

00:41:50The hen house far away.

00:41:51And we have pickling now.

00:41:52Barry Norman, your turn.

00:41:54Pickling is a kind, or was actually,

00:41:57a kind of oil lamp that was much used

00:41:59in the southern states of America.

00:42:01Actually, don't look at me like that,

00:42:02you're putting me off.

00:42:03It was much used in the southern states of America.

00:42:06And it is, in fact, it's a bastardised word.

00:42:09It comes, it's an Americanisation of the name

00:42:12of the inventor of this particular oil lamp,

00:42:15whose name was Piccolin.

00:42:17And the Americans, when he introduced himself,

00:42:19said, my name is Piccolin and I have here the oil lamp.

00:42:22They said, oh, that's great, Mr Piccolin,

00:42:23we'll take it up.

00:42:24And so the lamp came to be known as a Piccolin.

00:42:28Yes, so there's one.

00:42:30Now for another from Kate and Ellington.

00:42:33What do dairymaid's aprons,

00:42:36antifly meat covers,

00:42:39and potato sacks have in common?

00:42:41They are all made out of piccolin.

00:42:46Which is a cloth, which is like linen,

00:42:49only coarser, but not quite as coarse as canvas.

00:42:53You wouldn't use it in a sailing vessel,

00:42:56but you would use it to make the items that I mentioned.

00:42:59Mm-hm.

00:43:00So, Frank, your turn.

00:43:03A very boring nail.

00:43:06Do you want to hear any more?

00:43:10We're rather busy over here, let's carry on.

00:43:13It's a...

00:43:15It's a nail which is L-shaped, which is bent over,

00:43:19which is quite difficult to make,

00:43:21because if you just bend a wire nail,

00:43:23you can't hit it, because the hammer slides off the bend bit.

00:43:27And if it's a cast-iron nail, where it's a T-shaped nail,

00:43:31the cast-iron tends to break.

00:43:33They used a lot of them in the railways in the 19th century.

00:43:38Very boring. I told you, I warned you.

00:43:42So...

00:43:43Not sufficient warning, by the way.

00:43:45We're going to have to take it on the chin, Patrick.

00:43:48But it's an oil lamp, it's an L-shaped nail,

00:43:51and it's this sort of light cloth.

00:43:54So, Richard Beckinsale, your chance.

00:43:59Er...

00:44:00Yes.

00:44:01I don't think it's an L-shaped nail.

00:44:05No, well, I don't think it is.

00:44:07Don't, then. See if I care.

00:44:09And, er...

00:44:11The pickling cloth doesn't really appeal.

00:44:15Um...

00:44:17I think I'll go for David Pickling and his lamp.

00:44:21That was what Barry Norman said. True or bluff?

00:44:24That's what I said.

00:44:28Oh!

00:44:29APPLAUSE

00:44:30It's an easy one.

00:44:34No, nothing to do with any of that.

00:44:36Who gave the true definition? Here, you must know it.

00:44:39One, two, three.

00:44:41There it is.

00:44:42APPLAUSE

00:44:43It's a cloth cloth.

00:44:45That light cloth, not very expensive.

00:44:48That light cloth, not very expensive, which she spoke.

00:44:52Tundun is the next one.

00:44:54And Sue Lawley defines it for you.

00:44:56Unfortunately, I can't do an Australian accent,

00:44:59but if I could, I would.

00:45:01They all do.

00:45:03Many people do.

00:45:05If you have a piece of rope and you whirl it around your head,

00:45:08it makes a wonderful noise. It goes...

00:45:10In Australian, yes?

00:45:12And on the end of it, Aborigines attach a thing called a tundun,

00:45:16which is a piece of wood cut out like a fish, in the shape of a fish,

00:45:21and they go...

00:45:23And it amuses them.

00:45:25LAUGHTER

00:45:26More than could be said for something.

00:45:29No, no, no. Touch.

00:45:31Patrick.

00:45:35If you're lucky to be...

00:45:39..on informal terms with a Chinese viceroy...

00:45:43..a kind of...

00:45:44Oh, you're going on, Fred.

00:45:46..a kind of chummy terms with a Chinese viceroy,

00:45:51of course, pre-Boxer revolution.

00:45:53Yeah.

00:45:55You could say to him,

00:45:57Hello, tundun.

00:46:01This would not mean anything rude at all.

00:46:03It simply means benign ruler.

00:46:06Tundun.

00:46:09Tundun.

00:46:12Now, Richard tells you a thing.

00:46:15Tundun, according to the superstitious Burmese, is a giant...

00:46:22..who lives inside Mount Kindat.

00:46:26And...

00:46:31These definitions come from far-flung parts of the world.

00:46:34I've got the travelogue here.

00:46:36And...

00:46:38..they think that whenever he wakes in his sleep at night or in the day,

00:46:42sometimes he sleeps in the day,

00:46:44he causes earthquakes and floods and...

00:46:49..calamities.

00:46:51And they call him...

00:46:54..tundun.

00:46:55Which would.

00:46:57No, it's a rather nice Chinese greeting.

00:47:01It's what Australians, many fine Australians,

00:47:05swing round their heads.

00:47:07And it's a Burmese giant.

00:47:09Kate.

00:47:14Well...

00:47:15If I went to China and said, Hello, tundun, what would happen to me?

00:47:19I don't know.

00:47:21Not necessarily.

00:47:24Not much, I shouldn't think.

00:47:27Richard, I can't tell when you say anything, whether it's a lie or truth.

00:47:31So I just, you know, I just listen.

00:47:33Sue...

00:47:36..I...

00:47:38..think it's probably this ridiculous fish at the end of a rope.

00:47:43Because it's so ridiculous.

00:47:45You're going to choose that, Kate, are you?

00:47:47Right, Sue, true or bluff?

00:47:52It's a bullseye!

00:47:53APPLAUSE

00:47:55Well done, Kate.

00:47:56It's only a game, you know, darling.

00:47:59We're having the most remarkable good fortune.

00:48:01And, anyway, but that's what it is.

00:48:04I've quite forgotten what it is, but it's whatever.

00:48:06Oh, yes, they swing it around.

00:48:084-1.

00:48:09Scropture is the next one.

00:48:10Kate Nelligan.

00:48:11Well, if you're on a diet of scrupture and water, you're in dire shape.

00:48:15Because it's a kind of bread.

00:48:17It's a slang term that grew up in Newgate Prison,

00:48:20which was a prison for debtors.

00:48:22And it's a word that's used for bread made from barley,

00:48:26which goes stale quickly, and I shouldn't think tastes very...

00:48:30very well.

00:48:33So you say. Right, now I invite you, Frank, to proceed, if you will.

00:48:37Consider mentally a deer's antler,

00:48:42starting from the skull and working north.

00:48:46All proceeds well,

00:48:49until almost at the end,

00:48:51when the antler seems to erupt into lots of little bumps.

00:48:58And those bumps are called...

00:49:01scrotches.

00:49:03Or scrotches.

00:49:04Depending on whether you pronounce your O as a U or as an O.

00:49:10I'll go through it again.

00:49:11No, no, don't do that.

00:49:12Please start at the tip of an antler and work south.

00:49:16Very soon you will notice...

00:49:20Next, please.

00:49:21I think it's probably Barry's time for you to do it.

00:49:25Well, a scrotcher sounds like a rather harsh loofer with a specific purpose,

00:49:29but it isn't that at all.

00:49:31It is actually a cathedral beadle,

00:49:34a man who patrolled around the precincts of a cathedral,

00:49:37and indeed in the close,

00:49:38to stop anybody behaving in an unseemly manner from so behaving.

00:49:42And one of his tasks was also to make sure that dogs didn't get into the cathedral.

00:49:47What cathedrals have against dogs, I cannot tell you.

00:49:49But that was a part of a scrotcher's task.

00:49:52He was a cathedral beadle.

00:49:55So it's a sort of bread you got in prison.

00:49:58It's a part of a stag's horns,

00:50:01and it's a beadle.

00:50:03Sue Lawley.

00:50:04We're not at all in agreement, and I haven't got a clue.

00:50:09It's her turn.

00:50:10It's my turn. What do you think it is?

00:50:12I'm going to discount the bread, I think.

00:50:17Nobbles on an antler.

00:50:19Nobbles, scrotch, crotch.

00:50:22Shrewd point.

00:50:24Come on, Sue.

00:50:25Beadles, dogs, scrotch, crotch.

00:50:28Yes, I think it's the Nobbles on an antler.

00:50:30Do you indeed? That was, Frank, your definition. True or bluff?

00:50:34Lo and behold.

00:50:36Oh, damn it!

00:50:40Very good indeed.

00:50:44Let's speed on. Let's see if they can pick up.

00:50:47Cabasset or cabasset, I don't know. Patrick.

00:50:50A cabasset is a flirtatious or amateur glance.

00:50:55Glance.

00:50:57A look from the eyes.

00:51:00Say, if I were to look at, say, Kate with narrowed eyes

00:51:05and a kind of knowledgeable mouth...

00:51:10..how would she respond to me?

00:51:13Need you ask, Patrick?

00:51:15Yes!

00:51:18He's pleading.

00:51:19Doesn't do much for me.

00:51:21You might be prepared to give me a roguish glance over your fan,

00:51:27if you had one.

00:51:29But that's what it is, anyway.

00:51:32A roguish male glance.

00:51:35I could have done with more of that.

00:51:37Richard, your turn.

00:51:39A cabasset is a square basket...

00:51:42From Malaysia.

00:51:45Norfolk.

00:51:46Everest.

00:51:47Medieval times.

00:51:51Poor Richard.

00:51:52Just get on with it.

00:51:54I don't think he really is taking much notice of what you're doing.

00:51:57You take your own pace, lad.

00:51:59I'm a bit frightened to say where it's from, actually.

00:52:02It is actually from Italy.

00:52:05And, er, do you believe that?

00:52:08And it's like a box, a basket, a box-shaped basket,

00:52:13with divisions inside.

00:52:15And there are 12 compartments to take, er, wine bottles.

00:52:22Four wine bottles.

00:52:24And they did make them with six holes in,

00:52:28er, to take six wine bottles.

00:52:30And that is called a cabasset.

00:52:33But it's spelt with an extra T-E at the end.

00:52:37Mm.

00:52:39Yes, right. Now, Sue, it's your turn.

00:52:42I was watching Doctor Who the other day,

00:52:44and the Time Lords in it were wearing, really,

00:52:47what you might have called cabasset sort of hats.

00:52:51And they were worn by 17th-century infantrymen.

00:52:55They were sort of like a brimless bowler hat coming right down,

00:52:58a sort of pudding basin.

00:53:00And, indeed, if they had taken the hats off,

00:53:03I mean, the 17th-century infantrymen, not the Time Lords,

00:53:06if they'd taken the hats off and put them upside down,

00:53:09they would have served as a shaving bowl, you know,

00:53:13as long as they'd have stood up on the deck.

00:53:16Or a sort of soup bowl, which they could eat their soup out of

00:53:20and then presumably lick it and put it back on their head again.

00:53:24Cabasset.

00:53:25Sort of helmet. Yep, sort of helmet.

00:53:28It's a basket you carry wine bottles in,

00:53:30and it's a flirtatious glance.

00:53:33Frank.

00:53:35Flirtatious glance.

00:53:38Or whatever it was.

00:53:40The 17th-century hat, used for all other purposes,

00:53:45seems sort of frightfully neat, isn't it?

00:53:49Not very hygienic, is it?

00:53:51Washing your hands and so forth.

00:53:54Having soup.

00:53:56They didn't cut their hair very much in the 17th century,

00:53:59so it would have been all rather sticky.

00:54:01Particularly with minestrone soup.

00:54:04Got all the debris.

00:54:07The basket from Italy is very interesting.

00:54:09Do Italians have wine in twelves, or are they metric and in tens?

00:54:13That's a very good point.

00:54:14Anybody know that?

00:54:15Richard, do you know?

00:54:18No, he doesn't.

00:54:19He does, but he's not going to say anything.

00:54:21So we're driven back on Paddy's roguish glance.

00:54:25Again.

00:54:26And again, we're driven back on Paddy's roguish glance.

00:54:29Not for you. Wait.

00:54:31Are you going to choose that?

00:54:32I am going to choose that.

00:54:33Well, if you are, I'd love him to do it while he does it,

00:54:36if you see what I mean.

00:54:37All over again.

00:54:38To a bluff metric.

00:54:39I'm getting worn-out eyeballs.

00:54:42Oh, no!

00:54:44Remarkable.

00:54:45Very much remarkable.

00:54:46Well done, kid.

00:54:48Very magnificent comeback.

00:54:50What was the true definition?

00:54:52There must be one.

00:54:54Dear soup, come and have some.

00:54:56Yes, he did it.

00:54:58Well done, my darling.

00:55:00Great work.

00:55:02Absolutely right.

00:55:03Helmet full of rice pudding.

00:55:05Four, three, and...

00:55:07Oh, unch, we get.

00:55:09And Frank defines it.

00:55:11Unch is a...

00:55:13was a...

00:55:14If we canter along, as it were,

00:55:16allegro,

00:55:18we'll start doing it.

00:55:20Oh.

00:55:22Condemnare.

00:55:23Yeah.

00:55:24Quickly, above all else.

00:55:25It's a necklace of woven thin strips of stuff,

00:55:29very ancient,

00:55:30Bodicea statue on the embankment,

00:55:32has got an unch round her neck in bronze,

00:55:34cos it's all one piece being a statue.

00:55:36That was more pizzicato than allegro.

00:55:38Still, Barry.

00:55:40Well, an unch is a word,

00:55:42Worcestershire dialect,

00:55:43for a very unpleasant task.

00:55:45If, for instance, you were a farmhand

00:55:47and you were sent to clean out the pigsty,

00:55:49you'd say,

00:55:50that was a pretty rotten unch you've given me,

00:55:52or if your wife insisted that you worm the family dog,

00:55:54it's a very unpleasant task, it's an unch.

00:55:56Yes.

00:55:57Now, Kate, it's your go.

00:55:58An unch is a piece of bread

00:56:02and a triangle of cheese,

00:56:04which you have in a pub,

00:56:06with a glass of beer,

00:56:08that's otherwise known as a plamont.

00:56:13Plamont.

00:56:14Plamont.

00:56:15It's not a small,

00:56:16well, it's not a small snack or that in a pub,

00:56:18or elsewhere, I suppose.

00:56:19It's a nub unch.

00:56:21Thank you.

00:56:23Poor lover duck.

00:56:24It's a necklace as well,

00:56:26and it's a chore,

00:56:27you know, unpleasant task you don't much fancy doing.

00:56:30Patrick, you can take a little leisure to choose.

00:56:33Oh, really?

00:56:34Otherwise, I'll have to juggle.

00:56:35Well, I shan't mess around in a too long pigsty.

00:56:38There's no languorous glances there, I can tell you.

00:56:42As for you,

00:56:43you're necklaced around somebody's neck.

00:56:45Well, what?

00:56:46I never asked her a single word that Kate's on about.

00:56:49Can't be an unch lunch.

00:56:51Plamont.

00:56:52Plamont.

00:56:54It's a necklace on the embankment,

00:56:56which I understood you to say.

00:56:58You did actually mention it in the accent.

00:57:00En passant.

00:57:01You did, didn't you, Frank?

00:57:02May I change my mind?

00:57:04Yes, do, yes.

00:57:06It's you still, isn't it?

00:57:07Yeah.

00:57:09Sort of a double bluff.

00:57:10Well, Frank, better own up.

00:57:13Oh!

00:57:20You threw the game away there,

00:57:22you could have had another go,

00:57:23would have been allowed.

00:57:24So, who gave the true definition?

00:57:28It's there, it's there, I swear it is.

00:57:31Unch.

00:57:37I think it's something to do with nuncheon, Frank,

00:57:40you're a word smith.

00:57:41Yes, it is.

00:57:42Something to do with a nuncheon.

00:57:4418th century, you see it a lot, nuncheon, unch.

00:57:46It's a transferred N.

00:57:48Could we get on with the game, please?

00:57:50I think you and I will talk about it afterwards, Frank.

00:57:53We do.

00:57:54Now, all I have to do is to announce

00:57:56the end of everything pretty well.

00:57:59The winners on this occasion, 5-3,

00:58:01Frank and Co.

00:58:06It's jolly bad luck, that's all it is.

00:58:12So, we'll put on our bicycle clips

00:58:14and recycle a few more oldies from the OED next time.

00:58:18Till then, goodbye from Richard Beckinsale.

00:58:23Barry Norman.

00:58:26Sue Morley.

00:58:30Kate Melligan.

00:58:33Patrick Campbell.

00:58:34Good evening.

00:58:36Frank Mearns.

00:58:40And goodbye.

00:58:53APPLAUSE

00:59:19Good evening again.

00:59:20This evening, I'm called my bluff,

00:59:21featuring the Baron Munchausen of the panel game,

00:59:24Frank Muir.

00:59:27Good evening.

00:59:31My first guest is new to this programme

00:59:34and, in fact, I don't think in our 12 years,

00:59:37or whatever we've done,

00:59:38that we've had an operatic singer before.

00:59:41So what a pleasure to welcome

00:59:43operatic soprano Rita Hunter.

00:59:45APPLAUSE

00:59:51Also, a bit of pleasure in welcoming our next guest,

00:59:54who has been on the programme before.

00:59:56He's a novelist and not a farmer.

00:59:59I'd rather express that he's the husband of a farmer's wife.

01:00:03And he's the author of Ormerod's Landing,

01:00:06Leslie Thomas.

01:00:07APPLAUSE

01:00:14And Danny Boy, alias Patrick Campbell.

01:00:17APPLAUSE

01:00:21Good evening.

01:00:24And every time my first guest comes to my aid,

01:00:27which is mercifully very often,

01:00:29she seems to get even tinier and lovelier

01:00:32while I get bigger and older.

01:00:34That could only be Hannah Gordon.

01:00:36APPLAUSE

01:00:42And my other guest would be well-known

01:00:45as a jolly, not to say gay, acting captain

01:00:49of that lovely parade,

01:00:51Privates on Parade,

01:00:53Dennis Quilley.

01:00:54APPLAUSE

01:01:01So much for the civilities.

01:01:03Now we begin the game.

01:01:04I ring the bell and we get a word.

01:01:06Fantigue, I would pronounce it.

01:01:08Frank and his team are going to define fantigue

01:01:11three different ways.

01:01:12Two of the definitions are false, one is true.

01:01:14That's the one that the other people are going to try and pick.

01:01:17So, Frank, you kick off with fantigue.

01:01:20Thank you.

01:01:21And I just wish you wouldn't make those snide little remarks

01:01:23when you introduce me in front of the team.

01:01:25And also, those snide little remarks about Paddy.

01:01:28You're acting again?

01:01:29Yes.

01:01:31You cottoned on.

01:01:33I was only acting.

01:01:35I quite like Robert.

01:01:37Because fantigue is a sudden attack of grouchiness.

01:01:41I knew it.

01:01:42A sudden attack of ill humour,

01:01:45which used to hit the natives of the West Worcestershire

01:01:50in the late 19th century.

01:01:52In fact, if you consult the 1887 edition

01:01:58of the Glossary of West Worcestershire Dialect,

01:02:03you will see he's always coming at us with his fantigues.

01:02:09LAUGHTER

01:02:12Happily, nobody knows what a Worcestershire accent that is.

01:02:16That's the only one we've never had.

01:02:19Leslie Thomas, your turn.

01:02:21Except if you come from Worcestershire.

01:02:23Oh, I suppose.

01:02:24Fantigue, or fantigue.

01:02:27I spent some time last year in the Channel Islands

01:02:31and in Brittany and Normandy,

01:02:33and there, a fantique, a fantique is a small cockle,

01:02:39a very succulent mollusk,

01:02:42and although delicious, it is so minute

01:02:45that it's not much bigger than a fingernail,

01:02:48and you need a lot of patience and a very sharp pin,

01:02:52and you could end up eating your own fingernail.

01:02:55That's fantique.

01:02:57Right, so now, Rita Hunter.

01:02:59Well, a fantique is a performance by marionettes.

01:03:03It was much in vogue in the 1860s,

01:03:06and the gentleman most sought after was Senor Emilio Foscolo

01:03:11with his Neapolitan dancing dolls.

01:03:13A fantique.

01:03:15A German, that sounds.

01:03:17Oh, you're right, Patrick.

01:03:19It's a cockle, I think particularly in Jersey or thereabouts.

01:03:25Grouchiness, West Worcestershire, and a marionette show.

01:03:28Your choice, Patrick.

01:03:32A small cockle is just called a small cockle.

01:03:35It isn't called a fantique.

01:03:38A cockle...

01:03:41They put the word after it in brackets.

01:03:45Little or small.

01:03:47That's absolute drivel, with due respect.

01:03:53What was that appalling kind of accent you were lashing around with?

01:03:57I don't think it's quite right for you to criticise my accent.

01:04:00It's rather typical of the way you play this program.

01:04:02What was the area you were speaking from?

01:04:05West Worcestershire.

01:04:09I think that marionette thing is very probable,

01:04:11but it's certainly West Worcestershire.

01:04:13Grouchiness.

01:04:14You think that? You're going to pick that?

01:04:16In spite of the accent, Frank, true or bluff?

01:04:22He's got a point.

01:04:25I knew that would happen.

01:04:31It's so unlikely that there should be such a word for grouchiness in West Worcestershire,

01:04:35but so there is.

01:04:38Well, OK.

01:04:40It's spelt D-S-O.

01:04:42Patrick.

01:04:44So...

01:04:47..is the liturgy,

01:04:49which is the written form of worship,

01:04:54of the Manichites,

01:04:56which follows

01:04:59of a Persian teacher

01:05:03whose name was Manichus,

01:05:06the third century,

01:05:08and if there be theological experts,

01:05:11among you lot, which I very much doubt,

01:05:14you would also know that St Augustine

01:05:16was a member of this mob for quite some time,

01:05:19but they changed his mind.

01:05:22So that's one of them.

01:05:24Next, Dennis Quilley, your turn.

01:05:26What was it?

01:05:28Take no notice. Do carry on.

01:05:30Duchot.

01:05:32In the hotter and drier parts of Serbo-Croatia,

01:05:37the peasants always like to make sure they've got plenty of wine

01:05:40to refresh them throughout their working day,

01:05:42and they carry it in a leather bottle,

01:05:44which is slung across their chest.

01:05:46It's usually made of goat skin,

01:05:49and it's left with the fur on the skin

01:05:52so that when, as often happens,

01:05:55the peasant has to sleep rough out at night,

01:05:57he uses his still partly-filled duchot as a pillow.

01:06:03Provident, provident. Right.

01:06:05Hannah, your turn.

01:06:07First of all, take half a yak

01:06:10and half a cow

01:06:13and imagine them together,

01:06:15a kind of mongrel bovine creature,

01:06:18this you will find on the rolling grassy plains of Tibet.

01:06:24Now, the male of the species is kept mainly for ploughing,

01:06:29the female of the species is used mainly for butter

01:06:33and sozo milk.

01:06:35And that is a zoo. It's a kind of yak cow.

01:06:39How does it bother you?

01:06:43Well, it's a kind of a liturgy.

01:06:46It's a kind of a liturgy.

01:06:48It's a wine bottle, and it's half yak, half cow,

01:06:52and that's probably giving it all the best of it.

01:06:54Frank.

01:06:56I must confess, I was trying to listen,

01:06:59but I couldn't understand, Paddy.

01:07:01Is there something about liturgy and listening?

01:07:04I could do it again if you like.

01:07:06Is it a kind of distinguished service order in the church?

01:07:11A member of the Mannequins.

01:07:13Goodie, goodie.

01:07:15And this hot water bottle,

01:07:17goat's hot water bottle that you lie your weary head on,

01:07:21I suppose you could puncture it and have a little drinky in the night.

01:07:25Surely half a cow and half a yak would be a koyak.

01:07:35And bald, but that's what we think it is, anyway.

01:07:38You're choosing the half yak, half cow.

01:07:40Is that wise? We'll soon know.

01:07:42Hannah, true or bluff, you gave the definition.

01:07:47He got it!

01:07:54It's unbelievable, but it's true.

01:07:56Sure. Half yak, half cow.

01:07:59Huxom is the next word.

01:08:01Leslie Thomas will define it.

01:08:03Now, Huxom is a village south of Scarborough

01:08:07population in 1931,

01:08:101,220 souls.

01:08:14Early closing Wednesday.

01:08:18On the 17th of October, 1808,

01:08:21a fireball demolished both the person

01:08:25and the house of the local tax collector,

01:08:28to which we say hard luck.

01:08:32And Huxom has become a nonce word

01:08:35for a godsent bonus, a happy nemesis.

01:08:39That's Huxom.

01:08:41Right, that, and now, Rita, you say?

01:08:45Well, a hux ham is an American device

01:08:49for an over-sprightly horse,

01:08:51for hobbling an over-sprightly horse.

01:08:54It consists of an iron ring with four chains,

01:08:57the ends of which are fettered to the horse's feet crosswise

01:09:01so that it can walk around and graze,

01:09:03but, you know, it can't break into a canter.

01:09:05That's a hux ham.

01:09:07Right, so now, Frank, your turn.

01:09:10Huxom is eponymous.

01:09:13What?

01:09:15Huxom is eponymous.

01:09:17At the turn of the 18th century,

01:09:19as it was just moving into the 19th century,

01:09:21there was a Dr Huxom who invented the hux ham,

01:09:25which is a kind of tincture of kinchona bark

01:09:30used for alleviating feverish chills.

01:09:34I don't know if you know the correspondence

01:09:37of Miss Jane Austen, as well as I do,

01:09:42but it's mentioned in one of her letters...

01:09:45She was writing it.

01:09:47..to a sick friend when she said,

01:09:49I hope Huxom is a comfort to you.

01:09:55She meant the tincture, not the doctor, I think.

01:09:59So it's a sort of American word

01:10:02for a hobble that you hobble a horse with.

01:10:05It's a sort of bonus,

01:10:07it's a transferred epithet from the village

01:10:10where the bonus first happened,

01:10:12and it's a tincture, something to you good.

01:10:14Dennis Quilley.

01:10:16Well, I love the story about the tax collector,

01:10:18and Huxom does indeed sound like the name of a village,

01:10:22but I don't quite believe in the transference of that name

01:10:25into the God-sent bonus.

01:10:27And I don't think somehow that it's two words, hux ham.

01:10:32It reads to me like one little word,

01:10:35and it sounds very much like the name of a doctor

01:10:37who might have invented a tincture of quinine,

01:10:39and I think that Frank was right.

01:10:41Now, he did say it, didn't he? Let's see.

01:10:43Had he got it right? True or bluff? Here he comes.

01:10:46I feel feverish.

01:10:48APPLAUSE

01:10:58At last, yes, an eponym turns out to be the right answer,

01:11:02because Dr Huxom gave the name to that.

01:11:04Granham is the other one. Pronounce it as you will.

01:11:07Dennis, your turn.

01:11:09In an absolutely fascinating book on fishing,

01:11:14which he wrote for the Badminton Library,

01:11:17a certain Mr Chumley-Pennell writes,

01:11:22the granham is a small reddish-brown insect

01:11:27not unknown in certain southern waters.

01:11:30Well, Mr Chumley-Pennell is quite right.

01:11:33It is, in fact, a small fly, a four-winged fly,

01:11:37which lays rather charming bright apple-green eggs.

01:11:45I wonder who they charm, really.

01:11:47Anyway, we'll find out what Hannah Gordon is.

01:11:51Granham is a Westmoreland word

01:11:54for a kind of freezing rain

01:11:57which falls in the form of small, soft hailstones.

01:12:01And if you are unlucky enough

01:12:03to live on the west wind side of Westmoreland,

01:12:06you could be pelted with it.

01:12:08Yes, you could.

01:12:10Yes, yes, yes.

01:12:12Patrick's turn now.

01:12:14The granham was the Rolls-Royce of American gas mantles.

01:12:21These marvellous granham gas mantles

01:12:24were the brightest in the whole world.

01:12:27They were made on a framework of the metal thorium,

01:12:32which you all know, possibly.

01:12:35Asbestos on thorium.

01:12:38And this was made by the granham gas...

01:12:43It was called the Granham Incandescent Gas Mantle...

01:12:49..manufacturer of Hartford, Connecticut.

01:12:53Well, well, well.

01:12:56How illuminating.

01:13:01There's the third joke.

01:13:03You've taken the walk off me there, Frank.

01:13:05I must repeat what they've said.

01:13:07Gas mantle of a special order.

01:13:09Freezing sort of rain, hailstones,

01:13:11and a sort of insect that lays green eggs.

01:13:14So, Leslie, your pick.

01:13:19I sort of feel...

01:13:21I can't think tonight.

01:13:23Well...

01:13:25I don't think the gas man cometh.

01:13:29He's been.

01:13:33Do you know, I like the idea

01:13:37of the fly.

01:13:39It's a nice idea, these pretty apple-green flies.

01:13:43But the singular word,

01:13:46and I would think that they'd be called granhams,

01:13:49because there don't have to be a lot of them.

01:13:52You don't get one fly here.

01:13:55I think it's the rain in Westmoreland.

01:13:58The freezing rain.

01:14:00Now, that was Hannah's definition.

01:14:02She'll tell you now, true or bluff.

01:14:06No good. No, no, no.

01:14:08APPLAUSE

01:14:13Now, I have to know who gave the true definition.

01:14:15Here it comes.

01:14:17One, two, three, go.

01:14:19Yes, it's there somewhere.

01:14:21APPLAUSE

01:14:26And for once, a man with the name Chumley Pennell is exactly right.

01:14:30His initial is H, and he wrote

01:14:32the elements of fishing for trout and grayling.

01:14:35That's all I know, but I thought I'd tell you.

01:14:37The next word is R.

01:14:40I would say something like Macheculi.

01:14:42Rita.

01:14:44Well, no, it's a matchcoal.

01:14:46And it was in medieval times a bent butcher.

01:14:49What?

01:14:51I quote,

01:14:53he that doth sell or take to market stolen flesh.

01:14:56And then, no doubt, he would innocently say

01:14:59that it had all fallen off the back of a coach and horses.

01:15:02A matchcoal.

01:15:04What?

01:15:06It's a butcher who steals stuff.

01:15:08I think I've got you there.

01:15:10Yes, a bent butcher.

01:15:12A bent butcher.

01:15:14So, now, tell us, Frank.

01:15:16Macheculi was a very fine,

01:15:20silk and gauzy material,

01:15:22much favoured by plantagenet ladies

01:15:25for flinging over their wimples.

01:15:28LAUGHTER

01:15:30Which, as you know, is a hat.

01:15:32And also for lining their bodices.

01:15:34Very, very fine Anglo-Nordic material.

01:15:38And now, Leslie Thomas tells you a thing.

01:15:41As you've probably noticed,

01:15:43at Raglan Castle...

01:15:45LAUGHTER

01:15:48..Raglan Castle is very heavily and richly

01:15:51matchcoaled, or machecoaled.

01:15:54To machecoal, it's a soldier's verb,

01:15:57and it means to make a hole in a rampart

01:16:00and you pour oil and other nasty stuff

01:16:03through onto soldiers trying to attack the castle,

01:16:06which I must say sounds jolly dangerous to me.

01:16:09Somebody could get hurt.

01:16:13Anyway, that... All right.

01:16:16Be that as it may.

01:16:18Very unsporting.

01:16:20It's a hole inside of a castle

01:16:23through which boiling oil...

01:16:25They're not even listening.

01:16:27LAUGHTER

01:16:30Pour some boiling oil on them.

01:16:34That's a matchcoal.

01:16:36It's a test on this programme, Leslie.

01:16:38You have to hold their attention.

01:16:40They never have to chatter among themselves.

01:16:42So, it's a silken gauze,

01:16:44it's a crooked butcher who steals meat,

01:16:46and it's a useful hole in a rampart,

01:16:48useful to the people inside the castle.

01:16:50Hannah, your choice.

01:16:53Now, then.

01:16:56First of all, a sort of gauze yashmak on a wimple,

01:16:59which... Wimple? Wimple?

01:17:01Wimple Street, Wimple. Well, I don't know.

01:17:03Anyway, it's not that, I don't think.

01:17:05It's over there.

01:17:07It's a salt.

01:17:09A medieval bent butcher.

01:17:13It's an interesting idea, but I don't think it's that.

01:17:16I think it could just be

01:17:18the hole through which the hot oil was poured

01:17:21on the poor people beneath.

01:17:23Leslie, don your glasses.

01:17:25The producer's glasses.

01:17:27He's left his own at home.

01:17:29But you're doing very well.

01:17:31True or bluff?

01:17:33APPLAUSE

01:17:41Machiko, makekeli, or pronounced in umpteen different ways,

01:17:44it is a hole in a rampart through which you pour things

01:17:47that are going to scare off the enemy.

01:17:49Tell the producer he can have his glasses back.

01:17:52At 4-1, I see what you mean, Frank.

01:17:55So, now we have macko,

01:17:57and Hannah Gordon is going to define it.

01:18:01The macko is a gnat-like...

01:18:04OK.

01:18:06No, gnat-like insect,

01:18:08which used to infest

01:18:11the swamps of Florida,

01:18:14and it had a very savage bite,

01:18:16as well as everything else.

01:18:18I say it used to infest,

01:18:20because...

01:18:22What's wrong with that?

01:18:24Because it used to infest the swamps,

01:18:26because in 1932,

01:18:28the United States launched a great campaign

01:18:30whereby the gnat was

01:18:32wiped out...

01:18:34Pulled all his teeth out.

01:18:36LAUGHTER

01:18:38..and buzzed off somewhere else.

01:18:40Right, now, Patrick, your turn.

01:18:43A macko is a wooden war club

01:18:45much employed

01:18:47in

01:18:49New Papua.

01:18:51LAUGHTER

01:18:53A group...

01:18:55The Pacific Islands.

01:18:57Now, I might be wrong here.

01:18:59I'm not awful wrong, but in this case, I might be wrong.

01:19:01But I believe that

01:19:03when Captain Cook

01:19:05in 1752

01:19:07got knocked off the mortal coil,

01:19:09he got knocked off by a macko.

01:19:11LAUGHTER

01:19:13Could be. 1752.

01:19:15You got that, darling?

01:19:17It wasn't 1752.

01:19:19And it wasn't a macko, is it now?

01:19:21LAUGHTER

01:19:23We'll see what happens

01:19:25when Dennis Quilley defines it.

01:19:27A macko is a gambling game.

01:19:29It's gone out of favour now,

01:19:31which is why we've not heard of it,

01:19:33but it was very popular in Victorian times.

01:19:35In fact, in the classier

01:19:37gaming clubs of St James's,

01:19:39White's, Boodles and so on,

01:19:41many a Victorian husband gambled away

01:19:43his wife's housekeeping money at macko.

01:19:45It's a card game,

01:19:47rather similar to van Tierne,

01:19:49or Baccarat,

01:19:51and its rather Mediterranean-sounding name

01:19:53is due to the fact that it is

01:19:55presumed to be of Portuguese origin.

01:19:57Hmm.

01:19:59Very Mediterranean.

01:20:01OK, it's yet another insect.

01:20:03It's yet another card game, and yet another war club.

01:20:05Rita Hunter, you choose.

01:20:07Well, um,

01:20:09Hannah, I've sung in New York

01:20:11recently in a temperature of 103 degrees

01:20:13and still got bitten by some

01:20:15horrible insect, so I don't

01:20:17think it's that.

01:20:19A critic, perhaps?

01:20:21I'm definitely a critic, yes.

01:20:23New York Times,

01:20:25burned me. No, I don't think

01:20:27it's a game either. No,

01:20:29I don't think it's a game. I think it's the war club.

01:20:31The war club? I think it's Patrick's war club, yes.

01:20:33Yes, Patrick spoke of that.

01:20:35I'm sure I've left Patrick. He owns up.

01:20:37I'm sorry. He doesn't look as though he minds.

01:20:39I'm sorry, yes.

01:20:41Thank you.

01:20:47Who gave the true definition of

01:20:49this word? Macco?

01:20:51It's there, it's there.

01:20:59It's card game.

01:21:01Just as he said. My goodness.

01:21:03Five, one. Things have changed.

01:21:05Yes.

01:21:07Clockers, the next one. Frank.

01:21:09Now, you've got a hopper full of corn,

01:21:11right?

01:21:13And you want to tip it into the funnel,

01:21:15onto the stone

01:21:17wheel, the miller stone wheel.

01:21:19So you tip it,

01:21:21all the wood goes down, you see.

01:21:23But, some of it sticks to the side.

01:21:25So what do you do?

01:21:27You get a great chunk of wood and you go

01:21:29against the side of the hopper,

01:21:31you see. You give it a good clock, you see.

01:21:33And the piece, ah,

01:21:35you're with me, the piece of wood you use

01:21:37for banging

01:21:39the side of the hopper to get the grain down

01:21:41is called a clocker.

01:21:45Right, so, Leslie Thomas

01:21:47is next. A clocker.

01:21:49Now, this was the name given

01:21:51by soldiers in the American Civil War

01:21:53to a very nasty

01:21:55blister on their foot

01:21:57caused by marching.

01:21:59I mean, you may possibly have seen John Wayne,

01:22:01you know, in one of those films saying,

01:22:03Gee, Hank, my clocker's giving me health.

01:22:07So,

01:22:09it's been suggested

01:22:11by some word buffs that clocker

01:22:13derives from the French word

01:22:15cloque, c-l-o-q-u-e,

01:22:19which means a blister.

01:22:21That's

01:22:23a clocker.

01:22:25Right, now, Rita's turn.

01:22:27Well, a clocker

01:22:29is a word amongst Lancashire

01:22:31farmers, poultry farmers, for a

01:22:33broody hen. A special

01:22:35hen which has a Freudian complex

01:22:37about incubators, and

01:22:39incubation. And it seems

01:22:41that in Lancashire the noise made by these

01:22:43hens is not cloque,

01:22:45but cloque, hence the word

01:22:47clocker.

01:22:51Well, so it's a blister,

01:22:53it's a broody hen, and

01:22:55it's a hammer with which

01:22:57the miller knocks his

01:22:59hopper full of corn about.

01:23:01Classic. I couldn't make out

01:23:03what Frank was knocking about with that piece of

01:23:05wood, and he doesn't know either.

01:23:07Once you get all

01:23:09that arm flailing, it's...

01:23:11It was to put you off, Paddy, I'll be honest.

01:23:13You put me right off, I can tell you.

01:23:17Who writes John Wayne's dialogue

01:23:19for you?

01:23:23It's a broody hen. I think it's a

01:23:25sitting hen, I think it's a broody hen.

01:23:27That's what I think. You do,

01:23:29because it was, well, Rita,

01:23:31it was your definition. True or bluff?

01:23:45Another bull's-eye if we can have another word.

01:23:47Yes, easily. Mech

01:23:49we have, the score standing at 6-1,

01:23:51and I think I'm right in saying

01:23:53it's your turn, Patrick.

01:23:55If you take the west of Scotland

01:23:57and

01:23:59a mech is a

01:24:01term for a place where

01:24:03guillemots make little

01:24:05nests and subsequently

01:24:07breed other little guillemots.

01:24:09Don't think we want to go

01:24:11into that. We've been

01:24:13and we're out of it.

01:24:15So it's now Dennis Quilley's

01:24:17turn. Mech

01:24:19is a rather charming

01:24:21Cornish adjective

01:24:23which means

01:24:25speckled or

01:24:27sappled or blotched.

01:24:29For example, a piebald

01:24:31pony or somebody with a

01:24:33freckled face would be described as being

01:24:35mech.

01:24:37Right. Who comes

01:24:39next? Yes, it's Hannah. Only one.

01:24:41A mech is a Y-shaped

01:24:43piece of wood in the bows of a

01:24:45whale boat and it supports the

01:24:47sharp end of a harpoon.

01:24:51They're all going fast because they want to get another one in

01:24:53for your sake, I think, Frank.

01:24:55Anyway,

01:24:57it's a sort of thing you balance a harpoon on.

01:24:59It's speckled, a term for

01:25:01speckled, and it's where guillemots

01:25:03are very much

01:25:05among the rocks.

01:25:07It's me, is it?

01:25:09I was just advising him. I hadn't got the faintest

01:25:11idea.

01:25:15Come on, we've got to rescue this one.

01:25:17It's too bad.

01:25:19It's not the guillemots'

01:25:21love nest. It's not

01:25:23the

01:25:25pieball

01:25:27thing, and it's certainly not the harpoon's

01:25:29support.

01:25:35It's the

01:25:37guillemots' love nest.

01:25:39The guillemots' rocky

01:25:41fast nest. True or bluff, Patrick?

01:25:45It is.

01:25:47I didn't think it was.

01:25:49Let's have the

01:25:51true one rather quickly

01:25:53and then we will get another one in if we move.

01:25:55Yes, there it is.

01:25:59A little thing on which you balance a harpoon.

01:26:01That's a useful word.

01:26:03For this horton, or huffton,

01:26:05who knows.

01:26:07Lesley. A huffton, a horton, or a

01:26:09houton is a slang name

01:26:11for the common flea.

01:26:13I'm going to have to stop you there, my dear fellow.

01:26:15Well, it is a rust-coloured

01:26:17American gooseberry.

01:26:19That'll do nicely. That'll do awfully well.

01:26:21Frank. It's a

01:26:23damn great branch of a tree

01:26:25including leaves which they used to pull

01:26:27up and sweep an old chimney with.

01:26:29So, it's that thing that he said

01:26:31you sweep a chimney with. It's a gooseberry

01:26:33and it's a flea.

01:26:35So, Dennis.

01:26:37I don't believe it's a branch

01:26:39of a tree.

01:26:41I'd love it to be a flea. The idea of a flea

01:26:43called huffton or houton is

01:26:45delicious, but I'm inclined to think

01:26:47it sounds most like the name of a gooseberry.

01:26:49You think it's the name of a gooseberry.

01:26:51Well, now, Rita, you said it

01:26:53was that, didn't you?

01:26:55Ah!

01:26:57APPLAUSE

01:26:59APPLAUSE

01:27:01APPLAUSE

01:27:03APPLAUSE

01:27:05APPLAUSE

01:27:07It's a large and succulent

01:27:09gooseberry, and I made you do it

01:27:11so fast there's a lot of time left.

01:27:13So, they can all read books at home.

01:27:15What a change.

01:27:17Well, we stood things on its end here

01:27:19because Patrick has returned. Look at the haughty

01:27:21expression on his face.

01:27:23He's amazed.

01:27:25APPLAUSE

01:27:27Let me announce it for you, Patrick,

01:27:29that the score being 8-1,

01:27:31no doubt about it,

01:27:33Patrick and Co have won.

01:27:35APPLAUSE

01:27:37APPLAUSE

01:27:39APPLAUSE

01:27:41APPLAUSE

01:27:43We were lucky to lose.

01:27:45So, we'll have another trip to the...

01:27:47We were lucky to come in second.

01:27:49LAUGHTER

01:27:51Losing is fun over here,

01:27:53but there's the good old...

01:27:55I'll leave them talking, and I'll

01:27:57just say goodnight and everything, and

01:27:59say we're coming back with some more

01:28:01items from the deep freeze of the

01:28:03Oxford English Dictionary next time.

01:28:05Until then, goodbye from Leslie Thomas.

01:28:07Dennis Quiddy.

01:28:10Rita Hunter.

01:28:12Hannah Gordon.

01:28:15Frank Muir.

01:28:17Patrick Sandler.

01:28:19And my sister.

01:28:20And goodbye.

01:28:38APPLAUSE

01:28:57Call my bluff. Where the tall, bald one is Patrick Campbell.

01:29:01APPLAUSE

01:29:04The tall, bald one found last week's work so simple,

01:29:09I thought it best to ask the same team back again

01:29:12so we can once again win 8-1.

01:29:15With the assistance of Hannah Gordon.

01:29:18APPLAUSE

01:29:22And the acting captain, Dennis Quiddy.

01:29:26APPLAUSE

01:29:28Dennis Quiddy.

01:29:30APPLAUSE

01:29:35And the tall, hairy one is Frank Muir.

01:29:38APPLAUSE

01:29:44My semi-successful team is unchanged for the replay.

01:29:50On my right, operatic soprano Rita Hunter.

01:29:54APPLAUSE

01:29:57And on my left, Leslie Thomas.

01:30:00APPLAUSE

01:30:06It was quite melodramatic or operatic last week, 8-1.

01:30:10Let's see what happens this time.

01:30:12With Diddle Dee.

01:30:14Patrick Campbell and his team will define Diddle Dee three different ways.

01:30:18Two of them are false, one is true.

01:30:20That's the one that Frank and his company try and pick out.

01:30:23So, what about Diddle Dee, Patrick?

01:30:25Diddle Dee is a name they have in the faraway Falkland Islands

01:30:31for a reddish bush,

01:30:34which is known to horticulturists as empetrum rubrum.

01:30:40Oh, we knew that.

01:30:42This reddish bush, what grows along the coast of the Falkland Islands,

01:30:48it serves as a kind of soft underblanket for sleeping seals.

01:30:53Yes, Brendan. What are you laughing?

01:30:55I'm not laughing.

01:30:57Dennis Quiddy's turn.

01:30:59Diddle Dee was a slang name, a vernacular name,

01:31:03in Dr Johnson's time,

01:31:07for a crooked gambling house,

01:31:10a gaming house where the cards were marked or the dice were loaded.

01:31:15And particularly, this applied to crooked gambling houses

01:31:18in the London borough of Fulham,

01:31:20which apparently at that time had a particularly evil reputation

01:31:25for the crookedness of its casinos

01:31:27and the number of Diddle Dees within its boundaries.

01:31:30Right. Now it's Hannah Gordon's turn.

01:31:33Hannah.

01:31:35Diddle Dee is a minor official in a group of West Indian voodoo worshippers.

01:31:41Now, he acts mainly as a kind of unholy verger to the high priest,

01:31:47and his main function is to guard the rather nasty symbols

01:31:52connected with this rather nasty practice.

01:31:55You look so disgusted.

01:31:57Does this take place in Fulham?

01:32:00I'm not allowed to answer that.

01:32:03Well, it's kind of a shrub put to all sorts of uses.

01:32:08It's a crooked gambling house once in Fulham,

01:32:11and I'll have to put my glasses on to see here.

01:32:16Yes, I can't read my hand right.

01:32:18It's a minor voodooer.

01:32:20Frank.

01:32:22Don't you voodoo do what you voodoo do?

01:32:25No, no.

01:32:27Don't believe voodoo.

01:32:30No. Don't believe high priest voodoo.

01:32:32Not a Diddle Dee. So on.

01:32:35In Doc Johnson's time, they didn't have casinos,

01:32:39so that can't be right.

01:32:41And also, all gambling establishments were crooked,

01:32:44so they wouldn't have a special name for them.

01:32:46So it must be Paddy's Reddish Bush.

01:32:50Right.

01:32:52That's what he said, or thereabouts.

01:32:54Some kind of shrub used for a blanket,

01:32:56and I don't know what all, true or bluff.

01:33:01Well done, Frank. First congratulations.

01:33:05APPLAUSE

01:33:13On with the flying start.

01:33:15Diddle Dee is that kind of shrub.

01:33:18Now we have Dongola, and Frank will define it for you.

01:33:24A Dongola was part of a Victorian regatta,

01:33:30as might be held at Henley.

01:33:33But it was a very special...

01:33:36It was a sort of avant-garde part of a Victorian regatta,

01:33:41because... Now, this is a good...

01:33:44It was a contest between two punts,

01:33:47and the punts were crewed with a mixed crew.

01:33:55Half ladies and half gentlemen.

01:33:59That's a mixed crew, right?

01:34:02It could be a Ding Dongola, but it was a Dongola.

01:34:06Victorian extravaganza and regatta.

01:34:09Very well known to this day.

01:34:12Leslie Thomas, his turn.

01:34:16Dongola, or Zanzibar fever.

01:34:21Now, this was an infectious and very wasting fever

01:34:24that was once an epidemic in East Africa.

01:34:26It was a bit like beriberi, you were beriberi ill.

01:34:31I wish I hadn't said that.

01:34:33Just go on, you'll be all right.

01:34:37I laughed anyway.

01:34:39The first Portuguese settlers in this part of the world were decimated,

01:34:43in other words, they were cut up into tens,

01:34:46by this fell disease, which is perhaps why it's better known in Portugal than here.

01:34:51Dongola.

01:34:53Right, so, now it's Rita's turn.

01:34:56Well, a Dongola is a hanging net

01:34:59in which the Brazilian Indians snare parakeets

01:35:04and fire finches and other brightly coloured birds.

01:35:08Not us.

01:35:09Well, alas, not because they're bird lovers,

01:35:12but because they have to collect all these multicoloured feathers

01:35:15to adorn their persons.

01:35:19Well, right, it's a net for catching birds,

01:35:22it's a kind of a fever,

01:35:24and it's an extravaganza involving mixed punts.

01:35:29Patrick.

01:35:33I scarcely do adventure upon these waters.

01:35:37So many hovers in the road seem to lie ahead.

01:35:41If you are trying to suggest, Frank,

01:35:43that the people crewing these Dongolas

01:35:47were half men and half women, which was the bottom half?

01:35:52Was the top half male?

01:35:54Oh, no.

01:35:56One man, one woman, in the age-old way.

01:35:59Who's doing this, you or me?

01:36:01I'm sort of healthy.

01:36:03It's bird's nest nonsense.

01:36:05We don't talk about Dongolas here,

01:36:07we talk about having coal in the head or something.

01:36:10But I don't know what it is.

01:36:12No, I don't either.

01:36:16We're all agreed here.

01:36:21That Leslie's got it, he's covered with Dongola.

01:36:24He said it was Zanzibar fever.

01:36:27A Zanzibar fever.

01:36:29True of luck, Leslie.

01:36:30You're looking too pleased.

01:36:32Get your producer's glasses on and...

01:36:35Ah!

01:36:37APPLAUSE

01:36:40I should lose you this time.

01:36:43No, he gave us the true definition of Dongola, or Dongola.

01:36:49Well, punted Priscilla.

01:36:52APPLAUSE

01:36:58Yes, it's a sort of a race with punts

01:37:00crewed by people who are half yak, half cow.

01:37:03LAUGHTER

01:37:05That was last week, but I remember it, it's a very good one.

01:37:08Chalk. Chalk, yes, is the next one.

01:37:11Dennis, your turn.

01:37:13To chalk, as a verb,

01:37:16is a rather sneaky activity

01:37:20carried out by the customs and excise officers.

01:37:23They don't do it now.

01:37:26It means to burn contraband tobacco.

01:37:30Words gone out of use now, because I suppose if they burned anything now

01:37:33it would be marijuana, not tobacco.

01:37:35But it certainly was a very common custom in Victorian times.

01:37:38In fact, in Victorian times, there was one furnace in the London Dock

01:37:43which was kept continually alight,

01:37:47chalking smuggled tobacco.

01:37:50And it was known locally and jocularly as the Queen's Pipe.

01:37:54Yep.

01:37:56Anna.

01:37:58To chalk, as Dennis said, it's a verb,

01:38:01it's a very useful verb, because it's the verb

01:38:05you use when you wish to describe the way you walk

01:38:08when your wellingtons have got water in them.

01:38:12Ah.

01:38:14To squelch.

01:38:16Now, you might easily say that squelch was a much more onomatopoeic word,

01:38:21or squelch, but in fact it is chalk.

01:38:24You chalk about in your wellies if they've got water in them.

01:38:27It's good, it's good.

01:38:29Chalk, chalk, chalk, chalk, chalk, chalk.

01:38:33You squelch because of your socks, I suppose.

01:38:36My socks squelch without my wellies.

01:38:39Let us not abandon the game.

01:38:42The chalk is a blow with the underside of the fist.

01:38:50It's much used in Cumberland wrestling.

01:38:54You can chalk sideways.

01:38:57You can chalk down.

01:39:00But you can't do the piston punch like that.

01:39:04That's not legal.

01:39:06But you can chalk away forever if your sideways are down in Cumberland wrestling.

01:39:12Punch in wrestling.

01:39:15Well, it's the action of destroying tobacco undertaken by customs officers.

01:39:21It's a kind of a punch with the underside of the fist,

01:39:26and it's the noise you make when you're walking about in wet wellingtons.

01:39:31Leslie, your choice.

01:39:35Frank's just said I've got a choice of three.

01:39:38I mean, this is a very easy one, actually.

01:39:40Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

01:39:43Well, I know that the customs men these days chalk on your suitcases,

01:39:48but I don't really believe that they did this continually.

01:39:53Just as well they don't do it today. Half my books have never been published.

01:39:58Wellington noise. Well, I don't know.

01:40:01You know, it's a bit...

01:40:03I can't see getting in the dictionary as a...

01:40:06You're smirking. I'm not smirking. You've got it.

01:40:09Am I smirking? A bit.

01:40:11I think it's the blow at Cumberland wrestling.

01:40:16The blow with the underside of the fist of which Patrick spoke.

01:40:20True or bluff, Patrick?

01:40:24I think that's very odd.

01:40:32Which of the other two now is going to produce the true one?

01:40:36It's the ruddy one. Yes, all right.

01:40:44The noise in the wellingtons is what it is.

01:40:472-1. Have another word.

01:40:49Wind day or windy, Leslie?

01:40:54Now, wind day is not just another day like Wednesday or Thursday

01:40:59or Washing Day or April Fool's Day or Good Friday or whatever.

01:41:02It's a special day for a tenant farmer

01:41:05because this is the day he knocks off early

01:41:08so that he can grease the wheels of his hay cart.

01:41:11Or wane. It's a sort of wane day.

01:41:14Wane day. You know the hay wane, after all.

01:41:17And he can generally get the vehicle in good shape

01:41:20to get the hay harvesting.

01:41:22This is a man's wend day.

01:41:26OK. And now it's Rita Hunter's turn.

01:41:30Well, the wend day belongs to the mythology

01:41:33of the Orcadians in the Orkney Islands.

01:41:37It, or rather she, is a very kindly maiden

01:41:41mounted on a white horse who rides through the sky

01:41:45luring the fishermen back to safe harbour.

01:41:48Wend day.

01:41:50Right. Now, Frank.

01:41:53It's rather difficult to explain this.

01:41:55Oh, not one of these.

01:41:58I'm afraid it is, Patrick.

01:42:01You know those decisions you have to make,

01:42:04those everyday decisions.

01:42:06When you're lying in bed in the morning,

01:42:08you don't know whether to...

01:42:10Get up.

01:42:12Shut up!

01:42:14You don't know whether to use the rolls or the Ferrari.

01:42:18Or you get to work and you're in the canteen

01:42:21and you don't know whether to have the caviar

01:42:23or the smoked salmon soufflé.

01:42:25You're sort of kind of on the horns of a dilemma, aren't you?

01:42:29Well, that's what a wend day is.

01:42:32Well, being on it.

01:42:34Yeah, it's a dilemma.

01:42:36I'm sorry, I did say it's very boring.

01:42:39Well, it was.

9. Call My Bluff S12E9, S12E10, S12E11, S12E12 (1978) R. Hunter, H. Gordon, K. Nelligan, B. Norman

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