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Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
00:05And I am Ted Peter Morgan.
00:08Together, we are...
00:09World Stylians!
00:12Greetings, excellent ones.
00:14Whoa!
00:15I can be all you want me to be
00:18When you follow your dreams
00:22Join a team and always believe
00:25And soon your dreams will be reality
00:31Whoa!
00:36Whoa!
00:39It's Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures
00:42A most audacious, courageous team
00:45They'll stay together
00:49Friends forever
00:51It's Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures
00:54A most audacious, courageous team
00:57They'll stay together
01:01Party on, dudes.
01:03Excellent!
01:15Burgess, looks like the Wild Stylians' world tour
01:18Has been booked in egregiously hostile territory.
01:21Not to worry, friend Bill.
01:23This performance is a benefit for Deacon,
01:25an ailing brother who's been stricken by a mysterious stomach virus.
01:28Must not not heinous.
01:32Go away! I'm as sick as a dog!
01:35Excellent! I always wanted a puppy.
01:41Greetings, sick brother dude.
01:43We've come to perform music to get better by.
01:47Hey! Down in front!
01:49Can this wait till commercial?
01:51What are you watching, esteemed sibling?
01:53Educational TV.
01:55My own triumphant flesh and blood!
01:58Coming up next, Thunderslugs!
02:00Alright!
02:02Is that not the one where the mutant slugs
02:04Destroy their enemies by coating them in toxic slime?
02:07Ew! Burgess!
02:09And heinously violent!
02:11No, that is not for you.
02:14It's a marvelous day in the condo here
02:18The new roof should hold out another year
02:22Won't you move in?
02:25Could you move in?
02:28The termite inspector's already gone
02:32And nobody has to mow the lawn
02:36Won't you move in?
02:39Could you move in?
02:41Mr. Radish's condominium?
02:44I grew up with this dude.
02:46He's molded young, outstanding minds for decades.
02:49He is the king!
02:50Not! Put Thunderslugs back on!
02:53No way, little bro!
02:55Mr. Radish will inspire you to get well!
02:57Ted, my friend, I fear time and the elements
03:00Have worn Mr. Radish down to a shred of his former glory.
03:04Agreed. The dude needs a shot of futuristic rock.
03:07Like this!
03:08Won't you move in?
03:11Could you move in?
03:15Won't you buy a condo?
03:20Excellent!
03:21What's all this racket?
03:23Hi, Dad!
03:24Theodore, your brother needs his rest.
03:26And I'm sure you have homework to do.
03:28The Wild Stallions were just serenading young Deacon here
03:31With the Mr. Radish's condominium theme.
03:33Heavy metal remix.
03:34You won't be remixing when you're in that Alaskan military school.
03:38True. It'd probably only get Mr. Radish's igloo up there.
03:43Shut up, dude.
03:44Just trying to inject a little levity.
03:46Well, time to bag a hasty retreat.
03:49Farewell, esteemed colleague.
03:51Wait, Bill.
03:52Something heinous is afoot in Mr. Radish's neighborhood.
03:55Watch this.
03:56He's taken off his sweater halfway into the show.
03:59So?
04:00He's breaking tradition.
04:02Something is most grievously wrong.
04:05Kids, Mr. Radish always considered you as friends.
04:08But lately I've been hearing talk
04:10That you'd rather watch noisy rock videos
04:12Or crime-fighting ninja lizards
04:14Than nice, clean, educational me.
04:16Frankly, I'm hurt.
04:18Bogus.
04:19My producer, Mr. Producer Guy
04:21Tells me you don't want to see cute little forest creatures anymore
04:24Unless they're carrying automatic weapons.
04:26All right. Now you're talking.
04:29So, friends, I'm hanging up my cardigan for the last time.
04:33No way.
04:35Yes way.
04:36So long, neighbors.
04:39He can't quit.
04:40He's an institution.
04:42Without Mr. Radish, who can kids have as a role model?
04:45Reggie Thunderslug?
04:47All right, Reggie.
04:49Squirt that toxic waste.
04:52Bogus.
04:57Would it not be more convenient to take the bus to the TV station?
05:00We are not going to the station.
05:02I'm dialing directly to Radishville in the Squint Directory.
05:06Excellent.
05:14Hey, who switched the channels?
05:16Cut to a cartoon.
05:18The tap dancing Christmas tree.
05:20Anything.
05:23Outstanding.
05:24Just like on TV.
05:26This is TV, dude.
05:28Excellent.
05:29Look, Bill.
05:30It's Susie Sushi.
05:32Her gills look even more bodacious in person.
05:34We have to find Mr. Radish.
05:38Mr. Radish, dude.
05:39You're back.
05:40A most resplendent miracle.
05:42We knew you would not abandon the youth of America.
05:45Sorry.
05:46I'm only here to return my sweater.
05:48You cannot quit, Mr. Radish.
05:50Yeah.
05:51What about the kids?
05:52Kids today don't want my advice.
05:54They just want to see rock and rollers prancing around in their underwear.
05:58Well, yeah.
06:00But they need you too, dude.
06:02Thanks, but my mind is made up.
06:04I'm going to miss this condo.
06:06See you, neighbors.
06:09Wait right there, Mr. Radish.
06:11Can you say most resplendent solution?
06:15Huh?
06:16What if two most excellent and fully dressed rock and rollers moved into the condo next door?
06:21It would modernize your neighborhood most triumphantly.
06:24It's crazy, but it just might work.
06:27Mr. Radish, what are you still doing here?
06:30Can you say change of plans?
06:33Meet my new neighbors.
06:34I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
06:37And I am Ted.
06:38Theodore Logan.
06:39And together, we are Wild Siamians!
06:43Ah, how melodic.
06:46You're adding total unknowns to a hit show?
06:49Excuse me, Mr. Producer Puppet Dude, but we are most certainly not total unknowns.
06:54Just last week, we played a benefit for the San Dimas Volunteer Fire Department.
06:59Oh, wow.
07:00We raised enough money to buy them a new smoke alarm.
07:04Now we want to turn our talent to helping the TV star who helped us through our most pimply adolescence.
07:09Go ahead. Do what you...
07:18Ten seconds to air.
07:22Tell your mom to buy new Thunder Slug cereal with extra sugar slime.
07:26We now return to Mr. Radish's condo.
07:30I have some new friends I'd like you to meet.
07:32My neighbors, Bill and Ted.
07:34Hi, Mom.
07:35Hi, Missy.
07:36Hi, Dad.
07:37Hi, Deacon.
07:40Oh, I'm sicker than I thought.
07:44Let's all hop into the imaginary big rig for Magic Story Land.
07:51I hate to be bogus, Mr. Radish, but we're never ever going to fit in there.
07:55You have to use your imagination.
07:57That's why it's called an imaginary big rig, my friend.
08:01Boys and girls, today's story is The Little Train That Could.
08:04No way, sir. You always read that story.
08:07Try this one.
08:08What are you doing, you... neighbor?
08:10I know my little brother Deacon would rather hear this story about the fuzzy bunnies.
08:14Fuzzy bunnies? I'm ruined for life.
08:17Excellent. Check this out.
08:19So then the bogus fox who chased the excellent bunnies
08:22got his egregiously fluffy tail caught in his own most heinous bunny trap.
08:26How about that?
08:27Just goes to show you, never leave a bunny trap out in the forest.
08:31Wasn't that a most triumphant story, Mr. Preston, my friend and neighbor?
08:35Hmm.
08:37Oops. Sorry, Mr. Logan. I was not listening.
08:41What do you think about it, Your Highness?
08:43Most bogus, Mr. Preston, Esquire.
08:46Bogus? What kind of a stupid word is that?
08:48Yeah, the puppet is alive.
08:50What did you expect, my man? You're not in Kansas anymore.
08:53Outstanding.
08:55Wait. I've never been to Kansas.
08:57No, no, no. This is the world of make-believe.
09:00My puppets don't ad-lib.
09:02It's that kind of fifties thinking that's keeping the show in the dark ages.
09:05Wake up, honey. Smell the pigsty. You need to chill out.
09:09My own puppets have turned against me.
09:11No way!
09:13Whoopee!
09:14Whoa! Hey!
09:16Ew. Isn't it a little early for snow?
09:20It's not a blizzard.
09:22They're faxes from viewers all over the country.
09:25You're a hit. They love you.
09:27Uh, excuse me, guy. What did they say about me?
09:31Actually, nobody mentioned you.
09:33That does it. I don't have to take this anymore.
09:36I quit. Again.
09:38You don't have to. Says here, you've been canceled.
09:41From now on, this is Bill and Ted's condominium.
09:46No way, Mr. Stingy Producer Demon.
09:49We cannot take our Boyhood Idol show away from him.
09:52We just want to give him our most excellent assistance.
09:55Thank you, neighbors, but I don't need your help.
09:58There's an audience out there for my kind of show, and I'll find it.
10:01Wait! Mr. Radish!
10:03Come on, kids. I have contracts for you to sign.
10:07But what about Mr. Radish?
10:10He's a has-been. You're the future. Sign here.
10:14You know, I've always wanted to sing.
10:17So, do you think I can direct a few episodes?
10:20Goodbye, my neighbors. Goodbye.
10:44Don't let it be bogus. Don't let it be bogus.
10:50Say it won't be bogus.
10:56Kids, this is all that is left of Mr. Radish, unless you help.
11:00Send those faxes. Write those letters. Call the station.
11:05Hey, put a lid on it. The kids don't want to hear schmaltz. Read this.
11:10Uh, well, kids, this little book is a special request,
11:15and it's called It's My Potty, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
11:21Look, little babes and dudes, it's a special surprise guest.
11:25And just in the nick of time, it's Rufus, our stellar guidance counselor.
11:30Greetings, my excellent friends. Thanks for having me on your show.
11:34You are always most welcome in our garage.
11:37Cut to the dancing Christmas tree.
11:43Fellows, I'm afraid you're losing sight of your original purpose.
11:47Weren't you supposed to be helping Mr. Radish?
11:49Most affirmatively, yes.
11:51He will return most triumphantly when the audience realizes what they're missing.
11:56He won't be coming back, boys. Mr. Radish got a new show on cable.
12:00He got another show already? I knew he could help them.
12:04See for yourself.
12:06And now, Public Access 134 brings you Mr. Chicken's Neighborhood.
12:12Clock, clock, neighbors.
12:14Before I introduce the first cartoon, I'd like to read you a story.
12:17It's about an overachieving locomotive, the little train that could.
12:21This is not going according to plan.
12:24We have a plan?
12:25You better.
12:27In order for you to become the most excellent dudes in the universe,
12:30you need high school diplomas.
12:32And to get that, you can't spend all your time being TV stars.
12:36Most bogus career move.
12:39Not to worry, friend Rufus.
12:41We're just a passing phase, like Milli Vanilli.
12:44No pressure here.
12:45But the future of the planet depends on your getting Mr. Radish back where he belongs,
12:49so you can finish school.
12:51Can't we just take an incomplete?
12:53Uh, roll a cartoon!
12:57Be excellent to each other.
12:59And Mr. Radish.
13:03Party on, Rufus!
13:14No sign of Mr. Radish.
13:17He was here.
13:19Aha! A clue!
13:21Public Access Memo.
13:23Read.
13:24Mr. Chicken's Neighborhood.
13:26Please cancel.
13:27Not enough clocks for the bucks.
13:29A most heinous memo.
13:32Ribbit, ribbit.
13:33Welcome to Frog and Me Street.
13:35It's him!
13:41Most stellar, Bill!
13:42We're on Frog and Me Street!
13:46Ribbit, ribbit, boys and girls.
13:48Are we ready for today's Frog and Me story?
13:50You again.
13:51Don't you have anything better to do than follow me around and get me cancelled?
13:55A most egregious misinterpretation, Mr. Radish.
13:58Come back with us now.
14:00We want you to have your own show back.
14:02Oh, no. That's not my show anymore.
14:05Now get out of here, or I'll give you warts!
14:10Do you forward our calls?
14:12Hello?
14:13It's Guy!
14:15He'll cancel the show if we don't show up.
14:18What about Mr. Radish?
14:20He can't hop far in that costume.
14:22True.
14:23We will retrieve him most triumphantly during station identification.
14:29So the little train said,
14:31I think I can, I think I can.
14:33Huh?
14:34Cancelled?
14:35Again?
14:36No, no!
14:37Wait!
14:38Help!
14:43No, I can't believe he swore!
14:45It was 30 seconds to airtime!
14:47Why does this happen to me?
14:50Where did that come from?
14:52Hi, Guy.
14:53Don't lose your head, dude.
14:55You're on!
14:57No, we are not.
14:58Only Mr. Radish can do this show justice.
15:01You can't leave now.
15:03We're the number one show!
15:05But we need to go back to school.
15:07Nah, I never did.
15:09And look where I am today.
15:11But you're plastic, dude!
15:13I've got it!
15:14Come on!
15:15But what about the show, dude?
15:17But, but, but what about the show?
15:20There are plenty of needles left on the old dancing Christmas tree.
15:42Bogus!
15:43Do you think that thing ain't Mr. Radish, too?
15:46No way.
15:47They don't eat frogs.
15:50Yuck.
15:51You left a note.
15:53Dear neighbors, I didn't survive the sweeps,
15:55but I know my audience is out there somewhere.
15:58What's left?
15:59Perhaps he's lodged on a UHF channel.
16:01Hi, neighbors, and welcome to Really Impressive Discoveries.
16:04I'd like you to meet my first guest.
16:06Just a month ago, she weighed in at 1,700 pounds.
16:09But after trying our really impressive diet plan,
16:11go fish for a meal, she's down to a size 8.
16:14Meet Greta.
16:17I lost it all playing go fish for a meal.
16:21I think I'm losing it, too.
16:23Oh, no!
16:24We have to save him!
16:33I smell weak old peanuts.
16:35I know you're hiding them.
16:36Save me!
16:37Oops.
16:39Help!
16:40Don't get upset.
16:41We're only passing through.
16:43Hey!
16:44Where are you taking me?
16:46Your place.
16:48Where are they?
16:49Where are they?
16:51Where are they?
16:55This time, the dude has lost his body.
16:58I think it's an improvement.
17:01Where were you?
17:03I was about to rerun the Civil War.
17:05We hunted down a most excellent guest.
17:08You can come out now.
17:11He's gone!
17:13Without even a most gracious thank you note?
17:16It's an excellent day in my condo here.
17:20The non-heinous roof should hold out a year.
17:23Radish!
17:25It's the most excellent Mr. Radish Dude to you, hyper-mechanical dude.
17:29Excellent!
17:32It's show time.
17:34Greetings, most excellent dudes and dudettes.
17:38A most non-heinous hello to all my audience.
17:41And now, the most triumphant final chapter of The Little Train That Could.
17:47Let us rock and roll!
17:49Perhaps we made a most egregious error in judgment.
17:52We've created a monster!
17:54How do we uncreate him?
17:57Excellent!
18:01Help us, Rufus.
18:02I can't, but I brought someone who can.
18:05Deacon!
18:06You're supposed to be sick in bed.
18:08Watching your show made me even sicker.
18:10I never said I like fuzzy bunnies.
18:12It was a joke, dude.
18:14Who is this most excellent little dude? A fan?
18:17Mr. Radish, I've been home sick watching you try all kinds of different shows.
18:22You have?
18:23I may be just a little dude, but I know you can't be happy if you're not yourself.
18:27I am my most excellent self now, little dude.
18:30Hardly. You're acting like my brother.
18:33And nobody should have to sink that low.
18:35Look, you're the best Mr. Radish there is.
18:38And that's who you should be.
18:40But nobody wants me to be me anymore.
18:42Forget about everyone else.
18:44Do it for yourself.
18:46Excellent!
18:47I mean, very nice.
18:51All right!
18:52Excellent!
18:54Outstanding insight, mini bro.
18:56You're turning out most triumphant after all, dude.
18:59Hey, a kid's gotta do what a kid's gotta do.
19:02I couldn't let you guys continue to embarrass me in front of the whole world.
19:06And now, my little friends, gather round for magic story time.
19:10Today, we finally finished the little train that could.
19:13I never have found out if it can or not.
19:17What's going on here?
19:19As for you, little dude...
19:21Better quit while you're ahead.
19:23Wait! Wait! You can't do this!
19:27Outstanding!
19:29Party on, neighbors!
19:32To be continued...
20:02To be continued...